7 Dudes Your Mom Totally Has a Crush On

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (81)

Eric Dane: Because Mom appreciates that he starts each day with a healthy bowl of Wheaties.

Anderson Cooper: You know how your Mom pretended your younger brother wasn’t gay for 20 years? She’s still pretending that Anderson Cooper isn’t.

Johnny Depp: Oh, you have a huge crush on Johnny Depp, too? Belated Happy Mother’s Day!

Tom Skeritt: Because she’s never been able to shake that Freudian crush she developed on him after Poison Ivy

Nate Berkus: I have no clue who this guy is, but in a Rasmussen poll of 1,210 women over the age of 55, Nate Berkus topped the list of men mothers wanted to decorate their interiors.

Tom Selleck: Because men like Tom Selleck never go out of style. Older women have some sort of pubic fascination with him.

Mark Harmon: There’s a reason your mother is watching the same repeat of “NCIS” for the fourth time. With the door closed. It’s the same reason there are never any C” batteries in her house. What? Older women have needs, too.

Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance

← Glorious Euphoria Is My Must: The Top Five Shows to Look Forward to This Summer | Rocking Out Without Your Boobs Out: In Praise Of TV's Non-Sexualized Female Characters →

Comments

Colin Firth
Colin Firth
Pierce Brosnan
Colin Firth

My mum visited this weekend and as I googled Colin Farrell to show her who he was and then googled Colin Firth at her request and watched her point out her favourite picture of him, I was heard to remark, "I'm looking at boys with my mother".

We watched The King's Speech, even though she has already seen it, because of the aforementioned preference. And then we watched Bridget Jones' Diary for the same reason. For the record, she found him dreamier in The King's Speech. I suspect it is because he is older and therefore closer to her age in it. It is all both creepy and endearing.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 11, 2011 3:39 PM

My mom's three biggest crushes are Liam Neeson, Ed Harris, and Taye Diggs. I wholeheartedly agree with her choices.

Posted by: Julie at May 11, 2011 3:40 PM

Mom's two crushes: Johnny Depp and Robert Downey Jr. I guess she has a thing for short, dark and handsome (which fits my dad's description to a tee).

Posted by: Fredo at May 11, 2011 3:40 PM

Mrs. J-Colin Firth is another love of my mom as well.

Posted by: Julie at May 11, 2011 3:41 PM

I think the main reason my mom loves Taye Diggs so much is that when I was 16 she took me to see Rent (original cast, so Diggs was still playing Benny). We were in the front row to the side, and during the song "Contact" Taye Diggs was dry humping a girl about a foot in front of us wearing a tank top. She could not stop gawking.

Posted by: Julie at May 11, 2011 3:43 PM

I was told that when Anderson Cooper has his shirt off I should run away though. I worry for my mom's safety now.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 11, 2011 3:43 PM

My mom may or may not have a thing for Tom Skerrit, but I assure you she has never heard of Poison Ivy.

Posted by: Todd at May 11, 2011 3:44 PM

I AM the mom, and my crushes are wholly inappropriate.

Posted by: Reba at May 11, 2011 3:44 PM

You forgot Sam Elliot. Something about the mustache...

Posted by: keith at May 11, 2011 3:45 PM

Lusting after Sam Elliott is just common sense.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 11, 2011 3:52 PM

My mom's TOTALLY had a crush on Mark Harmon since, like, 1982, dude.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at May 11, 2011 3:53 PM

Mrs. Julien, your mom is officially adorable. I can see the creepy/endearing dichotomy from your standpoint, but from here that is too cute for a Hollywood movie, they would call it implausible.

Posted by: Anne At Large at May 11, 2011 3:55 PM

Yeah. Lusting after Sam Elliot has nothing to do with being a mom and everything to do with being a human.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 11, 2011 3:55 PM

Yep my mom totally has a crush on Tom Selleck. And frankly he reminds me of a movie star version of my Dad. With the mustache and the body hair etc. So when he was on Friends and my mom was a'swoonin' it was weird. To this day I can't look at Mr. Selleck that way. I only want to call him sir.
She also has a crush on Tommy Shaw (yes, of Styx.) She saw them at the fair when she was 18 and 20. When my sis and I took her to see them in 2006 she squealed like a teenager. It was adorable and awesome!

Posted by: Nimue516 at May 11, 2011 3:58 PM

My mum is formidable and blindingly rude to wait staff, but she is a delight nonetheless.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 11, 2011 3:59 PM

My mother has a huge thing for Idris Elba. "He's attractive. He's very attractive. Actually... he's HOT". Creepiest moment of my life.

Posted by: TSF at May 11, 2011 3:59 PM

The best part of Selleck's stint on Friends was that all of the guys were in awe of him too. Also the scene where Monica and Rachel go fight over the prophylactic and come back to Ross and Richard arguing about...actually I forget, but I'm pretty sure it was something dorky.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 11, 2011 4:01 PM

My mum was widowed after 50 years of marriage and my dad was her first and last. Mostly, I think she just wants some strange.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 11, 2011 4:01 PM

I'm totally w/ the moms who love Mark Harmon. His bit on West Wing with CJ? Hott. With 2 Ts.

OKAY, so your list has Anderson Cooper, and my mother totally loves him. But there is no The Rock, who would also make her Top 3. He played for the Miami Hurricanes, and therefore, no one in our family is allowed to judge him.

I know. I received a "Don't you talk about my Dwayne that way!" the other day when I made a joke about Fast Five.

Posted by: Sara H at May 11, 2011 4:02 PM

Anderson Cooper IS a silver fox. Gay or not, I don't care.

Posted by: Slash at May 11, 2011 4:02 PM

He doesn't have to like your parts back in order for someone to look, after all. ;)

Posted by: Sara H at May 11, 2011 4:04 PM

My mom lurves Tom Hanks. I'm at a loss to explain why.

Posted by: PDamian at May 11, 2011 4:06 PM

Mother Bullet's lust objects are Idris Elba and Chris Webber.She must be a rarity. Evidently, the mothers of America believe If It's All White, It's All Right.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at May 11, 2011 4:06 PM

As with Elliott, appreciation of Idris Elba is just common sense.

Have I told my mother + Tom Selleck story?

FLASHBACK to the mid-1980s

My mum walks in to find me watching the Emmys.

Cue Selleck walking on stage in the white dinner jacket he regularly chose for these events.

Cut to my mum: WHO IS THAT?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 11, 2011 4:06 PM

My mom told me she thought Rob Zombie was cute. And I'm like 34.

Posted by: AmbroseKalifornia at May 11, 2011 4:09 PM

1. Viggo Mortensen
2. Gary Oldman
3. Dennis Eckersley

My mom wins.

Posted by: Docdoom1 at May 11, 2011 4:12 PM

I'm not a mom and I don't pretend that Anderson Cooper isn't gay. I just pretend we're married, each with our own boyfriends on the side, and we do things like make Eggs Benedict on Sunday mornings, or rather he makes them while I'm reading the New Yorker and sitting on the couch. Does that make me creepy? Perhaps.

Posted by: Dorothy Snarker at May 11, 2011 4:15 PM

Dennis Eckersly?

i refer to Mike Birbiglia for my opinion on Dennis Eckersly.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 11, 2011 4:15 PM

The only actor I've seen my ma get dewy eyed over is John Cusack. She seems to crush on politicians though.

Posted by: Cree83 at May 11, 2011 4:17 PM

The only crush I have ever really been able to pin on my mom is Bruce Willis. It is the ONLY way I can rationalize her love for Hudson Hawk and The Fifth Element. She denies this, but of COURSE she would, the saucy minx.
I have a lurking suspicion about Mark Harmon, since she loves NCIS. Her justification for watching that show is "I am tired at night, I don't want to have to THINK when I watch TV."
Seriously, mom, just "Harmon makes me happy in the pants" is a better excuse.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at May 11, 2011 4:18 PM

My mother has a huge crush on Alan Rickman, she giggles whenever he comes on screen, even as Snape.

Posted by: sevenstories at May 11, 2011 4:19 PM

I read this list out loud to my mother. Her reaction?

7. "He's okay."
6. "He's so cute...and gay."
5. "Mmm..."
4. "He's old."
3. "Hot...too bad he's gay."
2. "Ugh. He's OLDER."
1. "Uh...who?

So yeah. I think this list is kind of hit or miss. Then again, at a birthday dinner nearly ten years ago, there was a group conversation (with a bunch of other twenty-something year olds) discussing how handsome and stately Giancarlo Giannini was. After finishing her bite of food, my mother proceeded to announce to the table, "I'd do him." The table was silent for a good thirty seconds until we got our equilibrium back. After that, everyone told me just how cool my mom was.

I tend to agree.

Posted by: Kala at May 11, 2011 4:25 PM

I'm not old enough to be your mum and I'm still pretending that A Cooper isn't gay.

And Magnum PI is a generation-neutral crush.

Posted by: Big Moo at May 11, 2011 4:27 PM

See, Tom Skerritt and Sam Elliott are so on the same vibe that they should play a gay married couple in something. That would be a nice treat for me, anyway. They could have Kris Kristofferson as a neighbor in the gay ghetto, even.

Selleck, Republicanism aside, is a tasty side of beef.

Clearly, Oprah has been keeping Nate's model-turned-shoe designer boyfriend under wraps for the last two years.

My mom wouldn't have a chance to get to even Mark Harmon, because I'd already have him tied down and greased up.

I always get the impression that Eric Dane is far too self-absorbed for too many people outside of Rebecca Gayheart to tolerate.

Posted by: Jerry at May 11, 2011 4:32 PM

My mum is all about Gil Grissom, but preferably in his Manhunter days.

Posted by: Carrie at May 11, 2011 4:32 PM

My mom LOVES Colin Firth, but who doesn't? Tom Selleck is classic. He'll never go out of style. I have a bit of a thing for him myself.

Nate Berkus is totally adorable. His career shot through the roof when Oprah started featuring him on her show.

Posted by: Mel C. at May 11, 2011 4:33 PM

Two words? George Clooney.

And I have a crush on Johnny Depp as well. Everybody does. Moms, dads, non-moms, non-dads, children over the age of 5, dogs, kittens, toasters. We all do. It's the sensible thing to have.

Posted by: Rooks at May 11, 2011 4:33 PM

... and the same applies to Alan Rickman, of course.

Posted by: Rooks at May 11, 2011 4:37 PM

And Oprah's viewers must have selective hearing if they don't know Nate is gay. His boyfriend was killed when they were vacationing in Thailand during the 2004 tsunami. I remember a conversation about it, but I swear I'm not a regular Oprah viewer!

Posted by: Mel C. at May 11, 2011 4:37 PM

Harmon for the win. Selleck, the close runner up.

P.S. Wish I could actually ask her. Happy mother's day mom, I miss you!

Posted by: FyreHaar at May 11, 2011 4:39 PM

@Tracer, I am a mom and I have always, always, always had a thing for Chris Webber. What's not to love? Tall, dark, handsome, rich, guns to die for and a 1000 watt smile. He's perfection.

Posted by: Carolina Girl at May 11, 2011 4:48 PM

My mom's crush is one of my coworkers. It's always fun to text message her with "Guess who stopped by my office today :)" Ha!

Posted by: Tereasa at May 11, 2011 4:48 PM

Sam Elliot's mustache is awesome, but really - it's the voice.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at May 11, 2011 4:51 PM

My 60ish year old mother loves Benjamin Bratt.

Posted by: Liz at May 11, 2011 4:55 PM

My mom's all about the Brosnan, but in the house, it's usually me who has a crush on the older guys. That's not to say my mom likes younger guys, just that Brosnan (and my dad) appear to be all she needs.

Posted by: dsbs at May 11, 2011 4:58 PM

CarolinaGirl:
Not to mention the personal ethics of Ayn Rand...

Posted by: Jerry at May 11, 2011 4:59 PM

Posted by: Three-nineteen at May 11, 2011 4:51 PM

And so say all of us!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 11, 2011 5:02 PM

My nearly 60 year old mother has had a long standing crush on Tommy Lee. It is so funny everytime she has it that we don't even get creeped out anymore. (mom is a housewife from Utah. see? so funny)

Posted by: katie at May 11, 2011 5:03 PM

Huh. My monm's crushes are:
1. Jesus
2. Jesus
3. Jesus.

At least to hear her talk anyway.

Posted by: emh at May 11, 2011 5:28 PM

If any of you are talking about your mom and she's in her 40s, GET OFF THE COMPUTER AND GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK.

Posted by: Snuggiepants at May 11, 2011 6:01 PM

My mom's crush is Kris Kristofferson and has been for the past 40 years.

Posted by: tamatha at May 11, 2011 6:07 PM

My mom has only one celebrity crush: Robert Redford. She only ever mentioned it a couple of times*, but it was significant enough that I always remember it. Robert Redford! Ick.

But I do remember my dad going around saying "That's why she married me! I look like Robert Redford!" Yeah, dad. Just because you're both white and have thinning hair doesn't mean you're twins. You look more like Robin Williams. Poor dad.

*I don't know where I get my fierce crushes on celebrities from. I really don't.

Posted by: Figgy at May 11, 2011 6:07 PM

My mom always seems eager to watch me shrink between the sofa cushions as she tells me the things she'd like to do with Shemar Moore and Simon Baker. And ever since I overheard the conversation about Mark Harmon that concluded with my grandma saying, "I'd let him park in my driveway any day," I've been looking for more bleach to douse my brain. I guess it's pretty obvious what kind of TV my mom watches.

But she also has a thing for the Fillion, Matt Bomer, Jon Hamm and Brian Williams. Can't fault you there, Mom.

Posted by: lindsaco at May 11, 2011 6:35 PM

Oh, and David Tennant. But I'll take credit for that one.

Posted by: lindsaco at May 11, 2011 6:36 PM

Back in my teen years I had this constant TV war going with my dad who to this day insists on watching approximately five hours of news reports every evening. I made the mistake of complaining about the situation to my mother one afternoon. She shut me up by explaining that she would always side with my dad, but only because she totally had the hots for Tom Brokaw. I always suspected she didn't really care that much about migrant workers, the Alabama public school system or the carjacking rates in Cleveland. Suddenly, it all made sense.

She also adores George Clooney and the late John Denver (she keeps her first John Denver record in the hope chest with all my siblings and my childhood keepsakes and her wedding memorabilia which is almost as weird as the Tom Brokaw lust - almost).

Posted by: thenchonto at May 11, 2011 6:38 PM

My mum is all about Mark Harmon these days. It really is a little weird, but back in the day it was all about Nic Cage and Jeff Goldblum. She likes the tall, awkward, dark haired guys. Crap. That's my dad.

Posted by: AlannaJudith at May 11, 2011 6:52 PM

Shoes. Playstation. Fiscal responsibility. Tom Skerritt.... mmm....

Posted by: SaBrina at May 11, 2011 6:55 PM

Reportedly, when my mom saw Closer, she said (paraphrased), "Oh, yes, I can see what people are saying, Jude Law is very cute. But Clive Owen is a man."

Posted by: f. at May 11, 2011 6:56 PM

Stone Phillips is missing from this list.

Posted by: Snrub at May 11, 2011 7:22 PM

My mom has a crush on Jesus and that's it. The end. Latin M ass is her C battery...knowwhutImean?

OK, ok -- she also harbors a crush on John Paul II BUT ONLY BECAUSE HE'S DEAD, OK???

Posted by: klingonfree at May 11, 2011 8:12 PM

My Mom's big crush is Robson Green. Reckless era. Which is perfect since it's about a younger man, older woman affair.

She's only about a foot taller than he is, but she loves his beautiful eyes and his sessy Tyneside accent. I tend to agree.

Posted by: Mrs Smith at May 11, 2011 8:30 PM

I have no idea who my mom's crushes are. Literally no clue.

My mother-in-law, on the other hand, totally swoons for Harrison Ford and Robert Redford.

Posted by: Mattfactor at May 11, 2011 8:49 PM

Oh, yeah, and she LOOOOOOVED Paul Newman. Like, ADORED. Also, she used to let me stay up late on Sundays for Remington Steele because we both had a crush on Pierce Brosnan.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at May 11, 2011 9:37 PM

My mother LOVES Colin Firth as well. And I remember her mentioning she has a thing for Aidan Quinn too.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at May 11, 2011 10:00 PM

Why doesn't my mom have crushes on non-white men? This is weird.

Posted by: thelovelyjazmin at May 11, 2011 11:02 PM

My mom's boyfriend is James McAvoy. I think it might be the accent.

Posted by: Jeni at May 11, 2011 11:43 PM

As for my mum, she'd much prefer Noel Fielding, Russell Brand, Eddie Izzard and Adam Ant (even looking like he does these days).

Posted by: Bumwee McGee at May 12, 2011 1:51 AM

Mark Harmon is smugly. Smug emanates as thick as smog, can't look past it.

Posted by: Mit_Huffman at May 12, 2011 2:14 AM

My Mom loooooooves Hugh Jackman.

Posted by: JAM at May 12, 2011 9:12 AM

I have no idea about my real mom but her taste in real men is atrocious. My fake mom loves Johnny Depp and (shudder) Harvey Keitel.

Posted by: anikitty at May 12, 2011 9:18 AM

@anikitty -- Keitel falls into the SexyUgly category a la Kissing Jessica Stein. Your fake mom has offbeat taste. Which is cool.

Posted by: klingonfree at May 12, 2011 10:00 AM

Anikitty. Maybe your fake mom saw "The Piano". That could explain the Harvey Keitel love. I always remember Mr.s B who played Paul's mom on "Mad About You" saying that she saw The Piano and "didn't care for Harvey Keitel's penis". Never knew if she disliked full-frontal exposure in general or if Harvey's penis was somehow lacking.

Anyway, my mother always loved Jack Lord ( Hawaii 5-0) who was quite opposite my father in looks and demeanor. Dad was a good looking guy until ravaged by alcohol but mom liked tall dark and handsome Steve McGarrett.

Posted by: kirbyjay at May 12, 2011 10:35 AM

decorate their interiors.
---
Is that what your mom calls it?

My mom calls it "sploogin' in the valley."

Posted by: , at May 12, 2011 10:42 AM

My mom's top 3:
3. Mark Harmon
2. Tom Selleck
1. Liam Neeson

She loves Neeson so much she tried to name my brother after him... I'm not kidding. Instead he's Billy.

Posted by: faintingviolet at May 12, 2011 1:00 PM

Bruce Boxleitner
Pierce Brosnan
a younger William Shatner

Most of those above, I could have a crush on now. They're not all that old. (well, Tom Skerrit is up there and Selleck too)

Posted by: Stephie at May 12, 2011 2:25 PM

my mum loves Kevin Costner and Bruce Willis

Posted by: carrie at May 12, 2011 5:32 PM

After consultation with my dear Mother, she certainly agrees with Tom Selleck (I still remember the theme to Magnum, P.I. from when I was a munchkin... she loved that show) but I think her all time favourite is still going to be Michael Caine.

What can I say except that it's evidence of remarkable good taste on her part.

Posted by: Wintermute at May 12, 2011 6:54 PM

After further consultation, Mom wishes to add Paul Newman and Robert Redford to her list. And she certainly agrees with Mark Harmon as well (wondered why she would always watch that show with Dad).

Posted by: Wintermute at May 12, 2011 6:57 PM

Love this list. I had crushes on some of these people when I was a girl - Mark Harmon and Johnny Depp. I still love Depp.

My mom's favorites are

Antonio Banderas - I can actually hear her sigh when she sees him.
Johnny Depp - "Don Juan DeMarco" did her in
Pierce Brosnan - Remington Steele
David Boreanaz (she won't admit to this one, but she stops and stares happily every time he's on TV.)

I bet she'd love Jon Hamm if I could get her to watch Mad Men. That was her era after all.

Posted by: Groovy Violet at May 13, 2011 10:15 AM

my mom, she has her 'shelf' where she'd like to keep her crushes.
Arnold from the Conan era.
Carl Weathers
Sam Elliott (which i'd gladly fight her for, just so i could have him talk for hours on end)
Sean Connery, last i knew.
not sure if there are any more or not. been a while since mom and i had this kind of chatter :)

me, personally.. to the poster above who said Shemar Moore... that is one fight i'll gladly partake in. i just wanna drool on his abs :D

Posted by: jelleebean at May 14, 2011 10:11 AM

So my dad is a pretty good looking guy. My friend recently confessed she had a crush on him. He was once genuinely mistaken for "the most interesting man in the world" (from the Dos Equis commercials; another couple asked for his autograph...) and is most frequently compared to George Clooney. My mom has rarely expressed admiration for other men, he being her first and only to-date, but she always had a thing for Patrick Stewart and for Ben Kingsley. Neither of whom bear any resemblance to my dad. I dunno.

Posted by: Codger at May 15, 2011 7:02 PM

Pajiba

Pajiba: Reviews, Commentary, Angst

7 Dudes Your Mom Totally Has a Crush On

Comments