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5 of Kristen Stewart's Most Determined Efforts to Smile

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (54)

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Yesterday, French website Comme au Cinema debuted three new photos from the upcoming cinematic adaptation of Jack Kerouac’s seemingly unfilmable On the Road. And what surprised me most about the images, besides the fact that they look like those GAP ads where rich white suburban kids attempt to affect the look of grungy disaffected hipsters, is that in this one, Kristen Stewart actually smiles. It almost looks earnest.

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Source: Comme au Cinema, where the other two images also reside)

But we know better, don’t we? Kristen Stewart is genetically immune to happiness, or at least the kind that might evoke an actual authentic smile. I’ve never seen her display one, not the gleamy white Maybelline types that actually suggest Stewart is feeling a modicum of glee.

I don’t think she feels at all. Ninety percent of the time, she looks like every pissed off teenage girl who has just been told by her father that she can’t go to the Mars Volta concert. And on the rare occasion when she attempts to smile, she looks like she’s being forced to do so by her handlers. “Show them your teeth, honey. Give them a Miss Kentucy smile?” And then she smiles in a way that says, “Go fuck yourself. I’d rather be at home not washing my hair.”

Proof? Here it is: Five instances of Kristen Stewart displaying that trademark painfully uncomfortable grin.

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Comments

rich white suburban kids attempt to affect the look of grungy disaffected hipsters

I thought that's exactly what the book was.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at February 4, 2011 10:44 AM

Interesting. I actually don't know that this doesn't make me like her a little bit more. So she's not out flashing megawatt smiles for the paparazzi; is that necessarily a bad thing?

Posted by: Todd at February 4, 2011 10:47 AM

I'll never forgive her for comparing the paps to being raped

Posted by: Ziver at February 4, 2011 10:50 AM

I kind of like her. I have a soft spot for awkward teenage girls who look like they'd rather wear jeans and sneakers and a hoodie and sit in a tree reading a book. This has nothing to do with what I was like as a teenager...I swear...ahem...a little. Look, it was a REALLY nice tree! Fuck off.

Posted by: Joker at February 4, 2011 10:59 AM

In the first picture she looks like she's trying to extract a popcorn husk or piece of apple core out of her teeth. In the last one she looks like she just made an underleg noise and is hoping nobody heard it. The other 3? Toasted. Nicely toasted.

Posted by: Groundloop at February 4, 2011 11:02 AM

I don't get why anybody cares about her. She is just so uninteresti...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Posted by: The Kilted Yaksman at February 4, 2011 11:03 AM

Her hair looks like it has a really dingy smell. One of the smells you can taste. Like it'll smelltaste like Pall Mall Lights and the dust layer that skins over a week-old glass of water.

Posted by: PissBoy at February 4, 2011 11:15 AM

Aw, now see? That last one she's kinda purty.* First time I've ever seen her kinda purty. Ever.**

*damns with faint praise

**damns with even fainter praise approaching actual sarcasm

Posted by: , at February 4, 2011 11:17 AM

It look like she's thinking, "Damn. I really have to drop this dook. Clench, Kristen. Cleeeeeeench."

Posted by: admin at February 4, 2011 11:24 AM

I don't know. These pics in this collage look pretty genuine: http://twitpic.com/262pjn. I cannot understand why people want to hate on this shy, awkward, beautiful girl for no apparent reason. They find fault in ANYTHING she does. So she's not a great public speaker? So she doesn't have a 24/7 Miss America smile plastered on her face? I personally admire her more for staying true to herself. Obviously she's doing something right. She's a shining star in Hollywood. Get over yourselves, haters. Think about where you were when you were 20. I'm sure you were mad at the world for something or another and I'm sure you said the wrong word at some point in time. And I'll bet you weren't making 25 million bucks for a 2-part film.

Posted by: Mallory at February 4, 2011 11:25 AM

it is just a cruel pajibajoke that she is in a kerouac film, right?

*murdertanking around looking for victims*

Posted by: idleprimate at February 4, 2011 11:27 AM

I have a soft spot for this girl, and that smile is one of the reasons I like her. I don't give a shit that she can't really act worth a damn, she's hot and interestingly interesting.

And the fact that I can't put my finger on what makes her interesting to me, only piques my interest even more.

Posted by: ada at February 4, 2011 11:30 AM

So she's not out flashing megawatt smiles for the paparazzi; is that necessarily a bad thing?

I don't think it's a bad thing at all. Is it better to just join in on the ass-face poses on the red carpet like you're *supposed to*? I'm not sure if she was like this pre-Twilight, but I wouldn't be smiling much either if there's an army of obsessed Twihards out there with your face tattooed on their backs.

Posted by: sars at February 4, 2011 11:31 AM

It's like her face tried to do an impression of Jodie Foster, seized up about halfway in, and she's been putting off taking it into the shop since then. Apparently she thinks the "Check Face" light will go off on its own accord, or will at least start with bells if it gets worse. Besides, she's managed to get quite a bit of mileage out of it with it like that, so maybe it's just a suggestion.

Posted by: bleujayone at February 4, 2011 11:36 AM

What the fuck is wrong with her HANDS!? Does she spent her free time combing rocks? Stirring battery acid baths? Jerking off trolls?

Posted by: D-Day at February 4, 2011 11:37 AM

Think about where you were when you were 20. I'm sure you were mad at the world for something or another and I'm sure you said the wrong word at some point in time. And I'll bet you weren't making 25 million bucks for a 2-part film.

Mallory,
Please read this back to yourself. Then re-read the last sentence back to yourself.


Now give her an excuse not to smile happily.

Posted by: Darth Darko at February 4, 2011 12:14 PM

I think she's very beautiful.

Posted by: Caspar at February 4, 2011 12:19 PM

She really nailed the "Sharon Osborne" in the header pic.

Posted by: Ian at February 4, 2011 12:37 PM

Which picture is supposed to represent that "trademark painfully uncomfortable grin?" I think she looks beautiful and happy in every single picture.

P.S.... You might want to try a new angle to get hits, this ridiculous and inaccurate angle has been used before.

Posted by: Jrollin5 at February 4, 2011 12:44 PM

I'm not sure where I fall with Kristen Stewart. I mean, she is terrible in Twilight, and most everything else...but her oh so visible discomfort in front of paps and such makes me feel kind of bad for her, and as someone who doesn't like her smile, I sympathise with her inability to look anything other than anxious when the cameras are on her.


But she is still a douche though

Posted by: Nadine at February 4, 2011 12:53 PM

I have nothing against her personally. She's cute. However, I really, really, REALLY want to attack that rat nest she calls hair. It's called a brush honey. It's your friend. NOT YOUR ENEMY.

Posted by: Melody at February 4, 2011 12:56 PM

Hmm, bored disaffection that might have seemed profound years ago but just gets more and more annoying as time goes by. I think she is perfect for On the Road. Its like the're the same thing.

I actually find her sort of endearing. Is she a talented actress that deserves all that money, probably not. However, I'd take her awkward grimace over a vapid red carpet smile any day.

Posted by: elgarcon at February 4, 2011 1:09 PM

Yesterday I finally saw "The Runaways", and I thought Kristen Stewart did just fine. I understand the anger toward the Twilight saga; after all, none of us are in the target demographic. For its target, it was just fine.

But the actors in it cannot be critiqued on it alone. KR has done other stuff, as has sparklevamp himself, Robert Pattinson. Not only that, but they are kids! Cut them some slack.

Wait until they're in their mid-40s and doing schlock for paycheck before you make fun of their faces. Please.

-Ralphie

Posted by: Ralphie at February 4, 2011 1:14 PM

I smiled like that well into my twenties. I was painfully shy though, and it came off as standoffish.

Tracer Bullet: spot on.

Posted by: Az at February 4, 2011 1:23 PM

Darth Darko,
I wrote it, so I'm pretty sure I know what it says. So yeah, maybe YOU think she should act a little happier about having a ton of cash in the bank. But that's one more thing I find very endearing about her-it's not about the money. She's not out pissing it all away on a $1,000 handbag or clothes or cars or trips to exotic locations. You know what she's planning on doing with her money? She stated in Vogue that she wanted to start halfway houses for teenage runaways because she was so inpsired by her role in Welcome to the Rileys. Kind of admirable for a such a young girl, don't you think?

Posted by: Mallory at February 4, 2011 1:37 PM

It appears we have an unusually high number of Celebitchy commenters lost 'round these parts today. Quick, post something about Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie, it has the same effect as trying to eat Doritos on a seagull-infested beach.

Posted by: Dingles at February 4, 2011 1:49 PM

Don't hate the player, seriously.

I despise the Twilight thing myself, but I don't blame this gal for taking a paycheck. I sure as hell would at her age. And despite the fact she now sits on a ton of money as a result, she's taken a reasonably diverse set of roles outside the aforementioned abomination.

As for the smile thing, maybe she's just not into faking it off set.

-Frob

Posted by: frobme at February 4, 2011 1:56 PM

Posted by: TL at February 4, 2011 2:34 PM

I never even implied she should piss it away. It's nice that she has the money to think about starting a charity and then gets to announce her plans to the world in Vogue. Now she has even more reason to be authentically happy. She should smiling like Zuckerberg on Oprah.

Posted by: Darth Darko at February 4, 2011 2:40 PM

I don't know why people attack this stunning young girl. Ok, maybe she doesn't have any acting range and only plays herself. And maybe herself is a rather insipid overly indulged 20 something who has never developed past her pot smoking teen years. And maybe despite working in the entertainment business and making tons of money she still hasn't hired a stylist or someone to teach her how to pose. And maybe....oh forget it. She's a SHLEMIEL.

Posted by: sittingpat at February 4, 2011 2:56 PM

TL, that made me giggle like a maniac, so thanks for that.

Posted by: Even Stevens at February 4, 2011 3:40 PM

She does come off like an idiot in interviews but I think she's just really shy, look at her body language, the mouth, the hands. But she's a very pretty girl and I did see one picture of her in a car with Sparkly and she was smiling like crazy, of course she didn't know the paparazzi were there or maybe she was just very stoned.

Posted by: Flo at February 4, 2011 3:45 PM

Posted by: Franamadeus at February 4, 2011 6:35 PM

I think the biggest problem is that the smile never reaches her eyes. I don't think I've ever seen her just laughing, or doing anything close to a genuine smile. I think she is extremely shy and awkward, so I can't bring myself to dislike her. She just makes me feel uncomfortable.

Posted by: Figgy at February 4, 2011 7:23 PM

The hair is clearly the issue here.

Posted by: Pork Bowl at February 4, 2011 9:04 PM

what's creepier, her half dead persona or her angry defensive fans that are leaking in here?

Posted by: idleprimate at February 4, 2011 9:38 PM

If you watch kstews earlier interviews prior to
twilight you'll see she has a beautiful smile.She
became more uptight as people began to pick at her
every expression, every word, every breath she took.The kid is only 20 years old and has been the target for all the obsessed female rob pattinson fans. Although she is his friend, I don't she think likes having to be Pattinson's "beard" for the sake of the twilight franchise. The lie makes her uncomfortable. I like kristen Stewart-
she has alot of raw talent, and I look forward to seeing her in any movie.

Posted by: sue at February 5, 2011 12:24 AM

I prefer my Alots of Talent medium well.

Posted by: Ian at February 5, 2011 1:10 AM

I get the feeling I'd like her if she wasn't the Twilight girl, and probably will like her once that franchise wraps up and she does stuff more geared towards my demographic. She was perfectly fine in Into the Wild and Adventureland, but the only other thing of hers I'd think about seeing is Welcome to the Rileys. Her post-Twilight role choices could easily make me a fan.

Posted by: Steve at February 5, 2011 3:05 AM

God, she is so doped up.

Posted by: LaughingAtTheRich at February 5, 2011 8:38 AM

I hate those ads. Especially the Levis ones that bastardize a Walt Whitman poem and preach about individuality. Makes me want to pick daisies and volunteer at a homeless shelter.*

*I'm replacing the violent, depressing thoughts in my head with flowery bullshit so people don't realize I'm crazy.

Posted by: Lucas at February 5, 2011 2:51 PM

She reminds m of every girl I dated in high school and college. I can't hate her for that alone. I know we throw a lot of trash at her for lip biting, and myabe I'm the only one, but last I checked lip biting is sexy, no? You can burn twilight for all I care, but I'll take this girl over the primped and lubed Disney trash 7 days a week.

Posted by: Blank at February 5, 2011 2:58 PM

about....I'll never forgive her for comparing the paps to being raped

Posted by: Ziver at February 4, 2011 10:50 AM


Have you never mis-spoke? Have you ever said something the wrong way and then apologized? she has... if she is so horrid why do you still look for information on her? We all need to walk a mile in their shoes! or how about one block with about ten or twenty cameras flashing in our eyes and pelted with questions about our private or sex lives while we try to buy a pair of underwear! Maybe we would feel VIOLATED as well.

She said she was sorry... get over it!

Posted by: Justme at February 5, 2011 6:46 PM

She and RPattz also stated in interviews that when they were auditioning for Twilight, they thought it was going to be some underground vampire cult movie, not the huge franchise that it now is.

This makes me wonder about Hollywood sometimes: how hard is it to access Google? I can go to DeviantArt at any point during the night and find a plethora of Twilight, Harry Potter, Sailor Moon, Dragonball Z, and other kiddie things gone (and done) wrong. People who are like, "Oh, I didn't realize this was such a big deal," I have to ask what planet they're living on.

Posted by: duckandcover at February 5, 2011 10:33 PM

She looks like Diane Kruger in that leader photo. So pretty.

Posted by: LBees at February 5, 2011 11:09 PM

You know what? She's been doing this Twilight Saga for awhile now. She's been in the spotlight since when, 2008? Kristen, it's time to get over it. If you hate it so much, then go away and stop making popular films. I can see there is a reason to be uncomfortable, but it's way past getting old, and, shockingly, you are replaceable. You aren't that talented and you're not that pretty. Be happy that you not only have so much money that you and your relatives will never have to worry, but that there are millions of thirteen-year olds who are madly in love with you/Bella. Maybe be a little more sincerely gracious? Maybe? They're not exactly hurting your career and emptying your bank account. Smile for real and say thank you, even though what you are making is crap.

Posted by: AppleThrower at February 6, 2011 1:33 AM

Pretty girl... Awful actress.
Completely lacking in charisma and versatility. No ability to emote. Very wooden.

I've seen her in several movies and she's never made me change my mind.

Posted by: Elsie at February 6, 2011 3:10 AM

I see the Krisbians, aka the insane fans of this untalented and ungreatful spoiled brat have arrived and post under different names their "YOU ARE A HATER IF YOU DON'T LIKE OUR GODDESS"-mantra.


She compares herself to rape victims, she calls the people responsable for her 25 Mil Dollar check retards, she thinks she doesn't need to audition because she is a genius and acting classes would ruin her. And she is a bitch even to her very young fans.

Stop finding excuses. Shy people don't flip everyone off or curse like a sailor, she does everything to draw attention to her.

Posted by: dayjolie at February 6, 2011 11:54 AM

"Ninety percent of the time, she looks like every pissed off teenage girl who has just been told by her father that she can’t go to the Mars Volta concert."

I totally agree. ironically, though, i doubt her parents ever told her 'no' in her life.

Posted by: ohdreamon at February 6, 2011 1:11 PM

You know what she's planning on doing with her money? She stated in Vogue that she wanted to start halfway houses for teenage runaways because she was so inpsired by her role in Welcome to the Rileys.

That's what she said, but it really came off as an off-handed remark, and less like an actual plan. Let's see in 5-10 years whether these halfway houses actually come into fruition. If they do, then i will gladly give her my kudos.

However, I doubt anything will come of it. Namely, becuase then she might actually have to be in contact and associate with teenage girls that she seems to have so much disdain for (in that same vogue interview, no less).

Posted by: recessionista at February 6, 2011 1:38 PM

Tracey, no that's not what the book's about at all. It's set in the 1950s, which this pic does not show at all, and it's about some societal outcasts. Of the group, the one narrating the story (one sitting in back NOT the one next to KS) is the one trying to better himself by writing a novel, but he keeps being distracted by offers of drugs and loafing from MALE friends. The females are nonentities, things that take up space but are good for occasional sex.

Kristen needs to take a happy pill.

Posted by: pam at February 6, 2011 1:58 PM

you know, even tho she makes a shitload of money for making those crappy Twilight movies, I kinda feel bad for her. always in the news, always followed and being creeped out by crazy twilight stalker fans..Getting criticized for not being able to speak in public, she is just being her mumbling self, just because she is a successful (..) actress doesn't mean she necessarily is by definition a likeable well spoken public persona. Not to mention al those rumors of her or/and RPatzz being gay and their bearded relationship. And I have a pretty good tuned gaydar and it flashes wildly with Kstew (maybe that is why she was so good in The Runaways)..what if she is gay? do you think she would ever be able to come out or just be herself?

Maybe, just maybe, she doesn't really have a reason to smile genuinely?

Posted by: lauwer at February 7, 2011 10:18 AM

I thought she was great in Adventureland and The Runaways. She even did her own singing in the latter.

Posted by: Jon at February 9, 2011 6:12 PM

she just seems to be uncomfortable with attention for her profession (which the success of can be directly related to attention).

I find her to be gorgeous enough for me to consider switching teams for a night just so I could wash her hair.

Posted by: C.C. Devine at February 13, 2011 5:12 PM