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30 Pop Culture Crushes You've Not Been Properly Nursing

By Dustin Rowles | Seriously Random Lists | June 4, 2013 | Comments ()


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Look, y'all. A crush is not something you can use up and store away in the toy box when you're done with it. Don't be fickle. It's all Tom Hardy this, or Jennifer Lawrence that. Oh, Emma Stone! She's so great, and Chris Hemsworth is so dreamy! There used to be others, you know? Just because someone hasn't been around in a while, or they haven't been in a high-profile project that you've seen, or they've inexplicably fallen off the face of the Earth, that doesn't give you the right to give up on a crush. So they've moved behind the camera, or they've taken some time off to raise a family. Big deal! They need nurturing and love, too. Don't let age or obscurity get in the way of that person you used to be smitten about. Stoke those fires. Geek love is forever. NEVER FORGET.

Jennifer Connely

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Sarah Polley

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Kate Winslet

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Nicky Katt

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Selma Blair

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Monica Belluci

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Sabrina Lloyd

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Ben Browder

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Gael Garcia Bernal

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Justin Chambers

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Marisa Tomei

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Jason Schwartzman

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Olivier Martinez

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Bradley Whitford
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Ioan Gruffudd

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Viggo Mortenson

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Cillian Murphy

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Audrey Tautou

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Franka Potente

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Jesse Martin

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Alan Rickman

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Lucy Davis

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Tricia Helfer

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Maggie Gyllenhaal

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Scott Speedman

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Milo Ventimiglia

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Alyssa Milano

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Paul Bettany

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Salma Hayek

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Amanda Tapping

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Goran Visnjic

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Peter Sarsgaard

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Lauren Ambrose

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  • fuck yeah Lauren Ambrose!

  • Mitchell

    Oh hey, that Sabrina Lloyd gif is one I made.

  • Patty O'Green

    The only problem with that Sabrina Lloyd gif is that YOU MISS THE BEST PART!

  • Mitchell
  • Three_nineteen

    Colin Firth now and forever.

  • Sunday Girl

    Bradley Whitford spoke at my college graduation and when he handed my friend his diploma, Bradley asked him if he was wearing any pants. Now I can't see him in anything without thinking about that. It still makes me feel weird to this day.

  • kazoshay

    Parker Posey is my eternal crush.

  • Jamie Dello Stritto

    Gael and Scott Speedman are the only two real crushes I've had from this list...and I have pictures of both of them (and Bale) on the cabinet above my work desk right now. So, I never forget. I pretty much "How you doin'?" them every day.

  • Pugiron

    What sort of idiot compiled this list? Maggie Sackface?

  • JCRegister

    Sorry, no. Sarah Polley sucks.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    My crush on Gael Garcia Bernal didn't start until after I saw Casa de Mi Padre. Which was stupid good fun. And he was hilarious.

  • Quatermain

    I've never given up on Salma Hayek. Or Jennifer Connelly.

  • HMDK

    Can't argue with most of these, but Ioan Gruffudd, seriously? He's nice looking, sure, but mostly he has the charísma of making people fall asleep and the acting range of a news story about toenail clippings. And Selma Blair just seems...eh. Why? She's to acting as meatloaf is to meat. Give me Debi Mazar, instead. And I mean on the double. Wait, Pajiba IS a diner, right?

  • DominaNefret

    My crush on Paul Bettany has never abated.
    Thus, why I want him to be the next Doctor.

  • WHITFORD 4EVA!!!!!!!!!!

  • Mythra Sun

    Paul Bettany=Always

  • BlackRabbit

    Since no one else mentioned her, I'll vote for Audrey Tautou!

  • EssyRomaine

    I've had a crush on Ioan Gruffudd since I was ten and saw him in 102 Dalmatians. There is no way I'll ever forget him!

    And what about Jamie Bamber?

  • MissAmynae

    thanks for including Cillian Murphy. He's on my 5 Freebies list, with Bellucci, Rickman, Mirren, and Rockwell.

  • I'd also like to add Enver Gokaj, Tahmoh Penikett and Dichen Lachman. Dollhouse wasn't perfect, but those three were fantastic. And completely worthy of geek crushes. :)

  • Amy Love

    I am re-watching the entire Gilmore Girls series for the fourth time and Jess just left Rory for the second time for the fourth time and I'm just full of feelings.

  • Assuming you were talking directly to me, I can now say that. Pajiba has written THE LEAST accurate headline ever.
    Unless it's Opposite Day.

  • Mel C.

    I can't and won't forget Scott Speedman.

  • Wrestling Fan

    Amanda Tapping?
    I'd ta--

    naaaaaaah, even for my lame-ass sense of humor, that's too easy

  • Guest

    Dakota Blue Richards:

    *I know I know.

  • Margrete

    Oh Jesse, er Milo, I would never and could never forget you.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Ain't no pander like a Pajiba Pander 'cause a Pajiba Pander don't stop!

    Has zeke chimed in yet to confirm that he has been doing more than his fair share, and yet not nearly as much as he'd like, on the Bellucci front? Seriously, she's the Divine Feminine.

    Does klingonfree let anyone close enough to Viggo to have a turn?

    Mr. Julien loves Jennifer Connelly. He would leave me for Jennifer Connelly. He would leave Halle Berry for Jennifer Connelly. Maybe.

    Jason Schwartzmann is my guilty pleasure.

    I spend EVERY FREAKIN' DAY annoying people on a pop culture website. How is it that I don't know who some of these people are? Clearly, I need to spend less time annoying and more time attentioning.

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    Thank you for including Ben Browder! I adore him and think he does not get the love he deserves.

  • Conor

    Well, that gif of Jennifer Connelly just cancelled everything else I was gonna do this afternoon.

    Although c'mon, Dustin. Maggie the Sad Turtle?

  • L.O.V.E.

    Did someone say Jennifer Connelly? First memory of her was back when she still had curves. The image of her on a rocking horse was indelible.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • Jerce

    How did you know?!

    ...You can read my mind, can't you?

    CAN'T YOU!!?!

  • BWeaves

    By "nursing" do you mean actually sucking at my nipples?

  • sean

    My Jennifer Connely crush has been quite strong for nearly 3 decades now. The Monica Belucci one for around 2 decades. They do not need to be nursed any further. The Sarah Poley could be refreshed. Especially after that interview I listened to a few weeks ago on Fresh Air.

  • BWeaves

    Franka's eyebrows scare me. They're Botox level scary.

  • e jerry powell

    I thought Ben Browder was over. Is he still a thing?

  • lowercase_ryan

    Holy wow this list...pretty sure there are not enough bunks to go around.

  • brite

    Goran Visnjic....omg, how could my heart (and other bits) have forgotten you? Where the heck have you been (besides not in my bed)?

  • On the dreadful Red Widow... I want those hours back, ABC. Damn you for figuring out that I'd watch if he was on your crappy show... (ABC, I mean. Not you, brite.)

  • Julia

    Umph. Ben Browder. I'm ready for his comeback.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    I agree that some of these geek loves have been forgotten, but sadly all my geek love is currently saved for Ben Whishaw and his impossible cuteness.

  • Quatermain

    He's got that same thing going on that Cumberbatch has where he's all spindly and pasty and weird-looking. I don't get the attraction.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    He really doesn't and isn't, and you obviously haven't seen him doing his thing when he's not Q. (Though his Q Is an adorable sass)

  • Stony Tony

    Marisa Tomei....oh, yes.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    where is Sabrina Lloyd nowadays! I loved her on Sports Night. I wanted to be her.

    Also - she was never a crush of mine, but Alyssa Milano. Pretty funny on Fashion Police a few weeks ago. But you can see how much work she is doing to "maintain" her face and it's getting creepy.

  • ViciousTrollop

    I think the Olivier Martinez bubble has been popped. What with all the drama surrounding him and Halle Berry. Nope. Dude be crazy.

  • DeltaJuliet

    He's also not ageing terribly well. Ok, I'll say it. He's ageing terribly.

  • BWeaves

    I agree with all of the above.

  • koko temur

    Please dont shout at me if its an obvious one, but what geek thing are we supposed to love justin chambers from?

  • koko temur

    I always love Rickman. Always has, always will. And now we have our new crushes doing impressions of him (cumberbatch) and it all comes around perfectly.

  • DeltaJuliet

    Same here.....going through the list I was pretty much thinking "blah blah blah" about most of the men. Until I saw Alan and thought "oh hell yeah".

  • anikitty

    I've got Gael Garcia Bernal covered. Or is it uncovered?

  • Scootsa1000

    Ah, Ioan Gruffudd. Time to break out Mr. scoots' Horatio Hornblower DVD set.

  • Be sure to spot a young Jamie Bamber in the first one or two. (And why isn't he on this list, Dustin???)

  • EssyRomaine

    Those wonderful episodes of Horatio Hornblower with Ioan and Jamie. They are the most adorable pair.

  • coryo

    Jennifer Connelly, Monica Belluci, Salma Hayek, and myself spent a lot of time together as I was growing up. Shit, the three of them pretty much grew me right the hell up.

  • Ringo183

    [laughs] Well, that makes us practically related.

  • RosarioDawsonForever

    Geek love is very... white.

  • koko temur

    Fair point. Who else are you suggesting? Besides the lovely Rosario of course?

  • princessdi81

    Columbus Short, Guillermo Diaz, Donald F-ckin Glover!

    This always happens. I've been a reader for years but I'm over it.

  • Tinkerville

    Who are Tony Leung, Zhang Ziyi, Diego Luna, and Mos Def, for five hundred.

  • BiblioGlow

    Gina Fucking Torres.

  • BiblioGlow

    And Dulé Hill.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Fucking Aisha Tyler.

  • BWeaves

    YES!

  • koko temur

    Fuck yeah.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Kate Beckinsale is almost in the 40+ club, and she is getting prettier every year. (and her Halloween costumes rock).

    Also, she likes to say, "Get In My Vagina"

    http://www.funnyordie.com/vide...

  • simplysarah

    Alyssa Milano is my forever crush. A small handful of the others have crossed my crush list before but not many.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Amanda Tapping. Oh, boy...

  • apsutter

    Lauren Ambrose is fucking amazing & gorgeous and she needs her own star vehicle. Also between Kate, Audrey, Salma, and Monica you listed all my favorite girl crushes.

  • Samantha Klein

    Connelly & Bettany are my Number Three Couple Crush. Swoon.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    All those crushes are still intact... but you left off David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    So the guy who bitches incessantly about everybody passing up on Carla Gugino leaves off Carla Gugino?

  • No Pithy Name

    No kidding. There is no valid excuse ever to pass up a chance to show that picture. You know the one. Off the Google and then my bunk I go.

  • No Pithy Name

    Sorry for the typos. Obviously I was only using one hand.

  • Bux112

    Maggie Gyllenhaal?!? WTF!! Everyone else on the list makes sense, but Maggie Gyllenhaal? Was this written by her cousin or something? Come on, this is like a mini Punk'd right? Hello?

  • Idle Primate

    I'm for team Maggie!

  • DarthBrookes

    Hey, Bux. How's it going?

    Yeah, I'm good.

    Just thought I'd drop by to say, "go fuck yourself."

    Okay then. See you around.

    Go fuck yourself.

    Goodbye now.

    Fuck you.

  • Pugiron

    DarthMoron, kill yourself and make your family much happier than they are now.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Shouldn't you be over making comments on YouTube?

  • Bux112

    Hey man, thanks for stopping by. It was nice to hear from you. Sorry I posted something negative about the woman of your masturbation fantasies. If I had known you were going to be reading this, I would not have posted something so mean. But if you are THAT into her, I hear they are running a wonderful documentary on Puggles this weekend on Animal Planet. Check it out! Bring kleenex and lotion because if you think she's hot, wait to you see those bug eyed bastards! Enjoy!

  • Mrs. Julien

    The nominations for Asshole of the Week are now closed. You are the winner by popular acclaim. Congratulations!

  • Quatermain

    I didn't even know we were having a contest, or I would have stepped up my game. I suppose the only thing for me to do now is spend the next ten years complaining about recounts.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Asshole of the Week? Is it time for the AVN awards already?

    (I'll show myself out)

    But in my defense, I didn't make a single reference to Salma Hayek "nursing" me, and Rowles really bated me on that one.

  • Bux112

    Thank you for the award. Though I promise I wasn't after any accolades. I just don't think Gyllenhaal is attractive. Not sure my original post deserved the "go fuck yourself" that I got from Darthbrookes. But, thanks again.

  • It isn't becasue you didn't find Gyllenhaal attractive; it's because you questioned why ANYONE would find her attractive.

    If she's not to your taste, fine. But don't think that there aren't a line of fellas (and ladies) willing to take that spot.

  • Daniel Valentin

    Monica Belluci is the closest thing on God's Green Earth to a goddess made flesh. No other woman comes close in sheer concentrated sexy.

  • I'll say it every time she appears here: if she walked down the street naked, not even the most prudish religious nut could get offended, for she is literally God's own blueprint for Woman.

  • Y'see now, it's all about YMMV. I get that Monica Belluci is objectively beautiful, but she does less than zero for me in the loin-stirring department.

    Nothing. Nada.

  • Batesian

    That's okay. The rest of us are happy to pick up the slack.

  • crispin

    Forgetting about her would be like forgetting to breathe.

  • Kathleen Allen

    you have NO idea what sweaty shenanigans paul bettany and alan rickman get up to in my head. cast those accusations elsewhere.

  • DataAngel

    You're mistaken if you think I stopped crushing on Jennifer Connelly at any point. And the fact that she and Paul Bettany are married and have a couple of little BettConns just makes me happy.

  • Laura

    You'll be pleased to know that several of the above have been and forever will be on my crush list.

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