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23 Vampires In The Buffyverse Better Than That Irritating Simp Darla

By Joanna Robinson | Seriously Random Lists | May 2, 2013 | Comments ()


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Yesterday Buzzfeed released a list of 27 Reasons Why Darla Is The Best Vampire In the Buffyverse. "Ha!" I hear you snort! "Not bloody likely!!" I couldn't agree more. Darla is, to quote my colleague Courtney, "wallpaper glue." Here are 23 vampires from the Buffyverse that are better than Darla. Unequivocally. Inarguably. Empirically.

23. Vampire Xander: For being marginally better than human Xander. Who is the worst.
12. VAMPIRE XANDER.png

22. These Two Vamps From Once More With Feeling: For that sweet, sweet grapevine action.
22. Muscial Vampire.jpg

21. The Vampire Formerly Known As Cox-Arquette: Because he's the original (better) Jesse McNally.
20. DA.jpg

20. Vampire Jeremy Renner:
16. Jeremy Renner.jpg

19. Disco Dave: For his love of KC & The Sunshine band.
21. Disco Dave.png

18. The Turok-Han: Because they're just the cutest.
14. Turok-Han.png

17. Lyle Gorch: Because he tussled with Buffy more than once and lived* to tell the tale.
23 Lyle Gorch.jpg

16. Three Sisters: For their impeccable taste in thralls.
tumblr_m6ne1hLOtz1rxl4blo1_250.giftumblr_m6ne1hLOtz1rxl4blo2_250.gif
tumblr_m6ne1hLOtz1rxl4blo3_250.giftumblr_m6ne1hLOtz1rxl4blo4_250.gif

15. Vampire Sawyer: For showing admirable nickname restraint.
9. Sawyer.png

14. Taquitos Kakistos: Cloven. Feet.
6. Kakistos.png

13. Drusilla: For putting the hot in psychotic.
3. Dru.gif

12. Dracula: For turning Xander into the butt monkey we always suspected him to be.
tumblr_ma5yupiouH1qihsweo1_250.giftumblr_ma5yupiouH1qihsweo2_250.gif
tumblr_ma5yupiouH1qihsweo3_250.giftumblr_ma5yupiouH1qihsweo4_250.gif

11. Spike's Mom: For giving us all a mother complex.
15. Spike's Mom.jpg

10. Zachary Kralik: For having one.
17. Kralik .png

9. Vampire Hauer: Because, against all odds, this is an acting legend's third best performance.
18. Rutger Hauer.gif

8. Puppet Angel: Because, I mean, awwwww.
8. Puppet Angel .png

7. Holden Webster: For calling Buffy out on her nonsense.
5. Holden.gif5. Webster.gif

6. Vampire Paul Rubens: *nnnnnggggggggg* *eggggggghhhhhhh*
19. Paul Reubens.gif

5. Harmony Kendall: For keeping the spirit of Sunnydale High alive.
4. Harmony .png

4. Vampire Willow: For her excellent taste in ladies and corsets.
11. VAMPIRE WILLOW.png

3. Angelus: Because, let's be honest, he was a damn site more interesting than Angel. Also, guyliner.
1. Angelus.png

2. Spike: For his enduring effulgence.
13. Spike.jpg

1. Mr. Trick: Because I like his style and I like his moves.
7. Mr. Trick.png



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • princessdi81

    Can I just say, that I love the way Spike is gazing at Druscilla in that gif.

  • Even Stevens

    Am I the only one who loathed Drusilla, with her fivehead and excessive scenery chewing?

  • PerpetualIntern

    And her creepily skinny arms.

  • Tarn

    No, I hated her too. She was annoying even before I fell for Spike. That just added burning jealousy icing to the cupcake of irritation and boredom I felt whenever she appeared on screen.

  • Brooke Michelle

    And her strange mockney accent. I couldn't tell if she was British and ust hamming it up, or American and sincerely trying.

  • Haystacks

    I respect your hate for Xander. But I would like a total explanation backing up your outrage before I can completely accept it.

    (personally I like Dawn, then Buffy least of all the characters.)

  • Three_nineteen

    I don't hate Darla, but (of course) I still have two things to say about this list:

    1) According to Joss, the original BtVS movie is not part of the Buffyverse. JOSS HAS SPOKEN.
    2) No version of Xander is better than anything, because he is the worst.

  • Talishita

    you forgot vampire buffy

  • Lee

    Julie Benz brings the suck (pun intended) to every role she's in. I think it's her squeaky voice that irritates the most.

  • Aaron Schulz

    I didnt totally hate her in that superhero show with michael chiklis, but i think thats because everyone but Autumn Reeser and Romany Malco were pretty underwhelming so she didnt stand out.

  • gp

    as a darlak, i find this to be trolling.

  • Nadine

    Yes. Yes.

  • delle

    Huge Buffy/Angel fan here after being put onto Buffy midway through 5th season by my brothers (the two series were the first ones I've ever bought on DVD), I have never seen the original Buffy movie. Is this strange?
    But now that I hear there is apparently a Vampire Hauer, I'm feeling compelled to not sleep again until I watch it...

  • PerpetualIntern

    I have the Chosen collection and have loved Buffy for years too. Still haven't seen the movie.

  • JoannaRobinson

    Mother of god it is SOOOOOO good...in a not very good sort of way. SO GOOD.

  • I actually saw it in theaters and still have an old VHS copy of it. I was always kind of baffled by the TV show fan hate for the movie, but it is just so much fun.

    But I also read the book and spent a while hating and resenting the series for existing because I had already loved the movie for so long.

    I remember more or less enjoying the book, but I read some seriously questionable crap as a teenager, so I won't vouch for it.

  • Anna von Beav

    Hearty hearty heart hearts.

    No more chick pit for you!

  • MrsAtaxxia

    I heart Giles so hard.

  • Mrs. Julien

    God damn, I love Pajiba.

  • er

    Another day, another post by a female Pajiba-contributor about some random female character they hate.

  • Mrs. Julien

    It must be terribly burdensome for you to come here day after day and be disappointed in such a remarkably consistent manner. Shall I fetch a compress for your beleaguered brow?

  • Quatermain

    You're not English, are you? Because I know some of the commenters here are and that's the classiest sounding smackdown I've heard in a coon's age. Sounded like Judi Dench in my head when I read it.

  • googergieger

    What about the time I said, I'd slap someone with my dead grandpa's racist dick before I ever recognize Alaska as a state!

  • Quatermain

    You lost points because of the misplaced comma.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Ever since Courtney's reference to copy writing and commas in PLove, I have become even more concerned about using them correctly. Paranoid, really.

  • JenVegas

    I feel like Puppet Angel should be higher on this list.

  • Tinkerville

    I thought I was the only one who thought Xander was the worst! I can come out of hiding now! I can feel the sun again!

  • JoannaRobinson

    I will never get tired of hating Xander. Your hatred for my hatred sustains me.

  • googergieger

    Seriously. Doesn't tell Buffy about Angel's soul. Leaves Anya at the altar. Constantly goes for the most personal or outright vicious attack on people when arguing with them. I mean if I think you're a horrible person, then you're a horrible effin person. I mean I'm the guy that thought American Psycho was dramatic and depressing tale of a misunderstood soul failing to live out his dream.

  • emmelemm

    Xander was my favorite.

    I'm sorry. I know.

  • hippyherb

    Why do you hate Xander? Is there a specific reason you hate him, or just one of those things that can't be explained?

  • alwaysanswerb

    Jenny Trout is doing a Big Buffy Rewatch on her blog and makes a stellar case for Xander being a textbook Nice Guy (tm).

  • ViciousTrollop

    I read some of her recaps and it seems to me she's just looking for things to complain about. I'm a feminist. I get it. Xander isn't perfect. But as a high school/college aged guy? I'd say it was a pretty good interpretation.

    I still don't see why people have to take a 15 year old show and dissect it like overeager freshmen in Gender Studies 101. If you have that many problems with something maybe you shouldn't be watching it in the first place.

  • alwaysanswerb

    I know this discussion has long passed, but I disagree so, so hard with the "If you have that many problems with something maybe you shouldn't be watching it in the first place" line of thinking. I think it's important to be able to critique things we love and potentially recognize areas where the material is problematic.

    Re: Xander being an accurate interpretation of a high school/college aged guy, of course he is. I'm pretty sure, reading her recaps, that she's not saying he shouldn't have been written that way; she's just calling out bad behavior as she sees it. Pointing out that Xander is a good mirror of occasionally douchey behavior in real life isn't meant to be a criticism of the way that he was written. It's a criticism of how we have internalized that it's okay that our high school/college aged men act this way sometimes to their female friends. Of course, if you think she's overreacting, that's fine too. These are all just, like, our opinions, man.

  • Ben

    Honestly I never had a problem with Xander till I started reading her rewatch and now I'm totally on board with the xander hate, the dudes a douche.

  • fracas

    I like Xander. He's the only regular, non-super-hero character on the show. And who else is going to get the funny, funny syphilis? Also, The Zeppo is one of the best episodes ever.

    Though he did lose a lot of points when he ditched Anya at the altar (spoiler?).

  • Aaron Schulz

    Anya is hands down my favorite character on the show and after ditching her, i just see no coming back for him, he shouldve died in finale, not her.

  • MrsAtaxxia

    As much as I love Mr Trick - and I do, I really, really do, Slayerfest '98 was inspired - there is no way Spike is not number 1. Cause I mean, he's Spike. And he's perfect. Charming, deadly, and oh so wounded. Also cheekbones. Yeah, Spike totally wins.

  • googergieger

    And I'm his friend Jesus!

  • Mrs. Julien

    High fifthed!

  • Ann

    FOURTHED.

  • emmelemm

    Thirded.

  • BWeaves

    Seconded.

  • emmelemm

    Druscilla should be higher.

    Also, I've spent many years hating Julie Benz on general principles, but I did watch the pilot of "Defiance" and I didn't **totally** hate her. I was surprised.

  • Dave Dorris

    She is actually good in Defiance. She was actually also pretty good in Angel. Never quite got the hate.

  • Sirilicious

    IIRC there was a story going around that during filming she was a bitch to Alyson Hannigan, to the point of tears (Aly's tears). That didn't help.

  • emmelemm

    I did watch some parts of Angel, but somehow missed the entire arc of her character there. I, of course, hated her on Dexter as well.

    /hate is unexplainable it just is

  • blurgh

    I've just always found her voice grating. Although she hasn't bothered me too much on Defiance so far

  • PerpetualIntern

    I have to think Buzzfeed was just trying to see how many outraged Buffy fans they could get to comment. Cause Darla? SERIOUSLY?!

  • BlackRabbit

    I give another vote to Paul Rubens vampire. He was excellent, and I'd have given money or blood to have him do a cameo on the series.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    Me too. I loved him as Pee Wee and I was thrilled when I finally recognized him in the Buffy movie. I was nearly orgasmic when he showed up on 30 Rock.

  • I agree with all of these. Especially three. I have a hateon for Angel but a hardon for Angelus. Ugh, Angel.

  • Aaron Schulz

    Never liked angel, i mean sometimes he was sorta fun, but mostly bleh, but i think we can all agree hes entirely better then the insecure piece of driftwood that is Riley Finn

  • MrsAtaxxia

    Riley is The Worst. Captain Cardboard indeed. Also another reason why Spike is The Best. His nicknames for people are fan-fucking-tastic and always spot-on.

  • MrsAtaxxia

    Sooooo much Ugh for Angel. He was better once he got out of Sunnydale, and watching him and Spike bicker is wonderful but his unending need to just wallow in shit of his own making makes me want to flay him like Dark Willow. So. Bored. Now.

  • TNRLM

    I'm not necessarily drinking the Darla Haterade, but you know who was a completely underrated vampire? Sunday, from "The Freshman."

  • The fact that you're fat makes you look fat. That sweater just makes you look purple.

  • MrsAtaxxia

    Klimt or Monet?

  • Luke Anthony Matthews

    THIS.

  • abell

    And, we can't be friends after calling Xander the worst. So. I'm defriending you, or whatever we do on Pajiba.

  • Mrs. Julien

    The call him the Zeppo for a reason.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Even if you like Darla, I mean really, really like her, how the hell is Spike still not better than her?

  • PerpetualIntern

    How is Spike not better than EVERYONE?

  • The_Ghost_of_Bo_Crowder

    Could never be Bored now! of evil Willow.

  • Maguita NYC

    PUPPET ANGEL was the best! Wanted to hug him every time he got the sadz and went sulking in a corner.

    Also, Blondie Bear!!! I hate you Pajiba, I've got major exams tomorrow and now I'll be watching Angel instead of studying. Damn you!

  • You're a wee little puppet man!

  • Bandit

    Darla was pathetic on BtVS. However, I really liked Darla on 'Angel' and thought her story was done a little more justice. Of note though, I've only ever seen 'Angel' thorough once...and it was many years ago. I mostly just remember how hot Darla was.

  • MrsAtaxxia

    I really enjoyed Darla's arc on Angel. Particularly Dru's batshit part in it and them painting the town red. With blood. Cause that's what they do. That she ends up as Pete Campbell's mom is just icing on the weird/awesome/sorta-kinda-redemption cake.

  • NateMan

    Apart from a sincere F*** YOU on the Xander dig, cuz that guy was the shit, I complete respect your list, despite having left The Master and his obnoxious little boy vamp off of it.

  • googergieger

    No. I mean Conner and Dawn were annoying, but Xander was just vicious. I mean even Angelus and Spike without their souls were less venomous than Xander.

  • MrsAtaxxia

    Fruit Punch Mouth and The Annoying One are displeased at this oversight.

  • JoannaRobinson

    Oversight? No. Intentional slight. Yes.

  • MrsAtaxxia

    Oh no complaints from me. I just bet those two are grumpy-pants as all get out. Plus I just wanted to say "Fruit Punch Mouth"

  • Slash

    Whatever, I kinda liked Darla.

  • John W

    My favorite lines from Mr Trick

    Band Candy
    Mr Trick: "You have one less Demon to appease. The way I see it I did you a favor."
    The Mayor: "In the future be careful how many favors you do for me."

    Bad Girls
    Mr Trick: "It's called an uzi chump."

  • fracas

    Mr. Trick is clearly the best vampire. He doesn't get enough praise. I'd switch Drusilla and Harmony's placements, but apart from that, this is right on.

  • Mitchell Hundred

    I haven't watched the show in a while; did he act like black John Waters, or just look like him?

  • Rochelle

    You could list another 23 vampires before you got to Darla.

  • dizzylucy

    You meant 230, right?

  • Rochelle

    Right. Typo!

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