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16 Good Ol' Boys To Help Wash The Taste Of Rick Perry Outta Your Mouth

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (30)

tremors2.jpeg

Earlier tonight, the GOP candidates for the 2012 Presidential Election took the stage to chew over standard issues such as the environement, social security, etc. etc. the fate of our nation, blah blah blah. And while Michele Bachmann was predictably cuckoo bird oatmeal raisin bran crazy, and Jon Huntsman was endearingly logical, it was the Battle Royale between the two front runners, Mitt Romney and Rick Perry, that drew the most notice. Ever since he put his stetson into the ring last month, Perry’s popularity has been booming. Often called George W. Bush on steroids, Perry like the 43rd (and 42nd) President, is a Southerner with swagger…a good ol’ boy. Now, because I don’t agree with his politics (or with hi baffling choice to namecheck Galileo when discussing climate change), Perry’s performance this evening left a bad taste in my mouth. It’s an exotic blend of chitterlings, chaw and mendacity. It got to the point where his drawl alone made me cringe. But you know what? I like southerners. Heck, I even like good ol’ boys. And lest Perry make me forget that fact (as I often did from 2001-2009), here’s a passel of my favorites.

Pappy O’Daniel—O Brother Where Art Thou?

Jason Stackhouse—“True Blood”

Earl and Val—Tremors

Doolittle Lynn—Coal Miner’s Daughter

Wooderson—Dazed and Confused

Boyd Crowder—“Justified”

Them Duke Boys—“The Dukes of Hazzard”

Lanville County Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd—The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas

Buddy Garrity—“Friday Night Lights”

Jake Perry—Sweet Home Alabama

Judge Chamberlain Haller—My Cousin Vinny

Dusty and Lefty-A Prairie Home Companion

Jim Williams—Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil

Foghorn Leghorn—My Childhood

Joanna Robinson could have easily picked “Bandit” for Burt Reynolds, but then you wouldn’t have gotten to see Ol’ Burt dancing and singing in his drawers.









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Comments

I love Boys Crowder. I would go to his church in a heartbeat.

Posted by: TWoPFan at September 8, 2011 12:34 AM

I am from the south, and my father can do a FRIGHTENINGLY good impression of Foghorn Leghorn.

Have you ever heard an interview with Ryan Kwanten? He's all smart and Australian (and thus a really good actor). I think he said somewhere that he tried to play Jason based on how he imagined a young George W. Bush.

Posted by: ears_of_steam at September 8, 2011 12:52 AM

^^^^^ that was me. Don't know why I signed that comment with my other handle. Time for bed!

Posted by: Angeleno Ewok at September 8, 2011 12:54 AM

I had no idea Jude Law had ever done southern and I loved the book that movie was based on when it came out. He's one of those actors who just appears and he's so young and pretty well he's always pretty just younger. *adds to queue*

Posted by: Kate at September 8, 2011 1:14 AM

"He's all smart and Australian (and thus a really good actor)."

Haha wow. Man you should come down here and watch some of our soap operas. Trust me we have plenty of shitty actors.

Posted by: Benza at September 8, 2011 2:30 AM

Is it me, or does Rick Perry come off as kind of WestWorld?

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at September 8, 2011 3:02 AM

I've lived in Texas for thirty-nine of my forty-three years, and I have never known chitterlings to be that big a deal here at all. Kind of a cow state, you know? Baby back ribs, sure. Ham and bacon, even. I can honestly say that I have never seen a white Texan even look at chitlins. I know the Latinos in these parts are mad for tripas tacos, and they were mortified when mad cow cut off the supply, but I can't remember seeing any of them work with pork intestines when so much cow was available.

Posted by: Jerry at September 8, 2011 4:00 AM

I watched every one of these (cookie?) now i have a warm texas drawl in my mind.
Jude Law's southern accent is more ropey than all the inca bridges.
Mcconaughey is super-effective as a total sleaze.
I'm not gonna lie to you guys I'm not American (but you guys do pretty much run my country)
I was hoping Bachmann would win, if you're gonna have a crazy republican president with a manic, furious lust for power in her eyes then why not
have the real thing and not a cynic like ol Texas Pete over there
Bachmann for Reichsführer 2012!
Also W Bush on steroids??!!! what the hell is that! how could anyone top bush! is he gonna try to invade and colonise the sun if elected

Posted by: zechs marquise at September 8, 2011 7:33 AM

This seems appropriate to share here, because of the Good 'Ol Boy theme: I saw microwave pork rinds at the store. What? MICROWAVABLE BAGS OF PORK SKINS. Best part? It was advertised as being low-fat or high-protein or some shit.

And then I remembered that my husband used to eat pork rinds. But he thought pig ears you give to dogs were gross. So I informed him that pork rinds were fried pig skin and he didn't believe me.

THE END.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at September 8, 2011 7:34 AM

what the hell is that! how could anyone top bush! is he gonna try to invade and colonise the sun if elected

That gave me a pretty big laugh. Thankyou sir.

Posted by: Chugga at September 8, 2011 7:48 AM

No moreCrAzYtOwN in the White House!

Posted by: Agogagogo at September 8, 2011 8:35 AM

he didn't believe me.

It's........kind of in the name.

I love pork rinds.

Posted by: Jay at September 8, 2011 8:46 AM

zechs marquise, Rick Perry wants to be president. He also wants Texas to secede from the union if the federal government isn't gutted. That contradiction alone is enough to strike fear in the hearts of Americans who research candidates.

Posted by: Robert at September 8, 2011 9:06 AM

A co-worker brought in some of those microwave pork rinds in jalapeno or something and the whole office smelled kind of like wet,spicy dog blanket. Eeesh.

I remember seeing Jude Law for the first time in that movie and being very impressed. Too bad he became so ubiquitous and wore out his welcome.

Boy, you're about as sharp as a bowling ball.

Posted by: snapnhiss at September 8, 2011 9:26 AM

What about Reba MacIntyre and Michael Gross in Tremors? Quite possible the best good ole boy and gal with gun fetishes to grace a B movie cult classic about giant,stinky,ugly, sticky earthworms ever!

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBAAAAAAAAAA

Always thought Tommy Lee Jones deserved his Oscar for Coal Miners Daughter and his exceptional portrayal of Dolittle Lynn, rather than The Fugitive where he was just Tommy Lee Jones

Posted by: kirbyjay at September 8, 2011 9:32 AM

It's........kind of in the name.

I know! And then I chased him around and out of the house with the dog's pig ear. He deserved it for being so ignorant about the pork rinds.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at September 8, 2011 10:14 AM

Howdy! I'm a Texan, and Aggie and Rick Perry needs to get the hell offa my planet. He gives Texans and Aggies bad, bad names, and don't we have enough bad names and get shit on enough anyway?

God DAMN, people find out I'm a Texan/Aggie and it's off and running. Bless their hearts and all, but they immediately assume that I'm in the Bush/Perry camp, and they either 1) hate my ass or 2) start spouting that nasty, hateful rhetoric that makes my atheist, bi-sexual, abortion-supporting, women's-rights, LGBTQ-equality skin crawl right off its frame to go huddle, twitching in the corner. Shiiiit, it's gonna be a long election season. I'm fixin' to call myself Canadian and be done with it 'cept that would probably just start a whole new slew of assumptions and despite everything I still love Texas, so fuck it, Texan I'll stay. (And yes, Perry would probably try to colonize the sun but you can be damn sure it would be with the "nigguhrs," "Messcuns," "libruhls," etc so that Gawd-fearing folks like Perry will have the place to themselves. Think I'm joking? I heard all that and more from my Perry-supporting family, which is why, I guess, a lot of people hate Texans. Ugh. Sigh.)

Anyhoo, I'll stop the ranty bits now and say, "Nice list! Makes me miss my home." I humbly submit Bud and Uncle Bob from Urban Cowboy for inclusion because that movie is nuthin' but good ol' boys, and their accents are dead on. Bud sounds like an Oakie, and Uncle Bob sounds Texan, because, well, Barry Corbin is. (Plus, Travolta filled the hell outta those Wranglers and wore the hell outta that hat. Yee haw!)

Posted by: Shonda at September 8, 2011 10:15 AM

Mmmm do those kind exist anywhere outside the movies?

In Dallas, the closest we get to a good ol' boy is the one that dips incessantly and makes football small talk from sunup to sundown. Lily-white, soft-hands and gun shows. Where's the sex appeal in that?

Posted by: Victoria at September 8, 2011 10:15 AM

@Shonda - Ok then, but that still doesn't excuse y'all screwing over the Big 12. :-)

@Victoria - Sure they exist, but you're gonna have to get outside of 635. Drive in any direction out of the metroplex for an hour or so. Stop in the first town that only has a single traffic light and a Dairy Queen.

Posted by: NateS1973 at September 8, 2011 10:34 AM

@NateS1973 - I know. I know. Believe me, I know.

And yep, I second your suggestion about the single light and a Dairy Queen. Perfect.

Posted by: Shonda at September 8, 2011 10:47 AM

How about doing something about getting the sound of Obozo The President out of our ears. Thankfully, only a little more than a year we have to deal with that douchebag.

Posted by: Common Sense at September 8, 2011 10:48 AM

Augustus McCrae and Woodrow Call in Lonesome Dove. It was on over the weekend and we rewatched it. Mr. Julien and I keep randomly saying "Lorie darlin'". There is a glory to behold in watching the two leads, and especially Tommy Lee Jones, sit so deep in the saddle. It's magnificent.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at September 8, 2011 11:05 AM

Whenever JoRo gets political, my pants get tight.

Posted by: sean at September 8, 2011 11:43 AM

Dude.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at September 8, 2011 12:31 PM

@Common Sense

yeah we'll see. i bet my left nut he wins reelection. you dont know much about incumbent presidents. if bachmann or perry or any of the other whackos who cant get an independent or swing voter wins the nomination, youll see four more years of obama. guarantee it.

Posted by: sean at September 8, 2011 12:37 PM

Joanna thank you for the Foghorn Leghorn I love him. Plz forgive me for any slight I may have made towards you.

Posted by: logan at September 8, 2011 12:55 PM

That True Blood Jason line really is the most classic TV line ever. Love it.

Posted by: Mel C. at September 8, 2011 5:19 PM

Foghorn Leghorn is a briliant choice. However, I wish that Sam Elliot, from Mask and a gazillion other movies, was on this list. He transforms the loathsome Southern drawl into an aural shot of granny's best moonshine. Seriously (pronounced "seer-usly"), trim up that boofy mullet of his and you have one fine hunk of a specimen of a man.

A speci-MAN!

Posted by: Stinky at September 8, 2011 5:51 PM

How about Trey Wilson as Nathan Arizona in Raising Arizona?He had some great one liners and Southern colloquialisms.
Actually everyone was good in that flick-Holly Hunter,John Goodman and William Forsythe as Gale and Evelle Snoats,and the wonderful Frances McDormand among others.

Posted by: scott at September 8, 2011 10:57 PM

Great list! I can't help it, SRLs are my favorite part of Pajiba!

Just because I talk slow don't mean I'm stupid.

Posted by: Laura at September 9, 2011 1:11 PM