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15 Life Lessons I've Learned from College Movies

By Dustin Rowles | Seriously Random Lists | December 4, 2013 | Comments ()


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15. What is learning? It’s paying attention. It’s opening you up to the big ball of shit that we call life. And what’s the worst thing that could happen is you get bit in the ass. Well let me tell you my ass looks like hamburger meat, but I can still sit down. — Accepted

14. Ice is what happens when water gets too cold. — Real Genius

13. You can’t sing show tunes and be depressed! — Dead Man on Campus

12. The divine — however we may choose to define such a thing — surely dwells as much in the concrete and taxi cabs as it does in the rivers, lakes, and mountains. Grace is neither time nor place dependent. All we need is the right soundtrack. — Liberal Arts

11. No matter what time of day it is, you can find a Michael Caine or Gene Hackman movie playing on TV. — PCU

10. When it comes to relationships, everyone’s a used car salesman. Love people, just don’t trust the warranty. — With Honors

9. Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son. — Animal House

8. From a woman’s perspective, sometimes not singing in an a cappella group is a good thing. — A Social Network

7. Nothing makes a woman feel more like a girl than a man who sings like a boy. — Pitch Perfect

6. We have news for the beautiful people. There’s a lot more of us than there are of you. — Revenge of the Nerds

5. You can’t treat every situation as a life-and-death matter because you’ll die a lot of times. — Van Wilder (Also, that Circus midgets cannot hold their booze)

4. It’s not cheating if you spread peanut butter on your balls and let your dog lick it off. — Road Trip

3. Violent ground acquisition games such as football is in fact a crypto-fascist metaphor for nuclear war. — Back to School

2. True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend. — Old School

1. Love is a motherf**ker. — Old School



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Kenny

    That's the Van Wilder lesson? Not "Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive"?

  • Mrs. Julien

    According to The Sure Thing

    1. You can have a sexual encounter so intense it could conceivably change your political views.
    2. Nietzsche died of syphilis.
    3. Women who have just been released from parochial are still in an experimental phase.
    4. You can’t name a kid Elliot. Elliot’s a kid that eats paste.
    5. You should always appreciate the magnitude of your impending good fortune.

  • Mrcreosote

    Nick. Nick is a good, solid name.

  • Sarah Weissman

    I need to watch more of these, but especially Dead Man on Campus. Showtunes are my jam.

  • PDamian

    "You can do it! You can do it all night long!" - The Waterboy

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Because it's your dog! It's yours!

  • stella

    So youre telling me to go watch Old School again? Ok.

  • Jenn TheYellowDart

    Dead Man on Campus is such an under-appreciate gem.

    *My name is Cliff, brother of Joe, I got me some crack, I want me some hoes!*

  • MGMcD

    "I shouldn't be driving anyway. I got a suspended license."
    "For what?"
    "Attempted Vehicular Manslaughter...whatever THE FUCK that means!"

    SO under appreciated. Great work from Zack Morris.

  • Jenn TheYellowDart

    The script is just hilarious, and the way Cliff delivers his lines! I'm giggling right now. I'm so re-watching this when I get home from work.

  • Siege

    Clearly I have found my people.

  • BendinIntheWind

    "Dorm rooms are enormous and look like they were decorated by Dwell" - every college movie ever

  • NateMan

    We just built some new dorms on campus for the honors college, which I swear look like fairly high-end hotels. And the rooms are still one-third the size of cinema dorms.

  • BWeaves

    "9. Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son. — Animal House"

    And he wasn't wrong.

    Also, I can't tell you the number of times I've put my clients on double secret probation.

  • Stephen Wong

    I keep picturing those words coming out of fit mom's mouth for some reason.

  • Guest

    Wow the lack of Revenge of the Nerds life lessons (only 1 here) is abit sad.

    Ex: Nerds make better lovers.

    See:

    Betty Childs, Pi-Delta-Pi: [blissfully] Oh, Stan. You were wonderful. You did things to me you've never done before.
    [Lewis takes off his mask]
    Betty Childs, Pi-Delta-Pi: [gasps] Ahhh! You're that NERD!
    Lewis: Yeah.
    Betty Childs, Pi-Delta-Pi: [blissfully] Oh, you were wonderful.
    [gasps in ecstacy]
    Betty Childs, Pi-Delta-Pi: Are all nerds as good as you?
    Lewis: Yes.
    Betty Childs, Pi-Delta-Pi: How come?
    Lewis: 'Cause all Jocks ever think about is sports, all we ever think about is sex.

  • Aaron Schulz

    yeah i dont think most chicks would be into sexual assault, but that movie teaches us that sometimes its ok

  • Guest

    When you put it like that Debbie Downer it's not much of a lesson no.

  • bastich

    "The only thing I learned in college was to never talk to a hooker wearing a walkie-talkie." -- Joe Rogan

    (Not a movie, but still sage advice.)

  • Good old Joe.
    Still better than what I learned: some people value a good shit over a good fuck.

  • Ian Fay

    And now I have to watch Pitch Perfect again.

    So much for catching up on the DVR.

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