Pajiba

What the hell has happened to Pajiba??? "Is Jacob Going to Have Sex with that Vampire Baby?"

Then this comment:
pajiba Mod Yossarian • 3 days ago
"I think this movie really is about Edward fucking that vampire baby."

It is bad enough that this shit series has undertones of rape, misogyny and paedophilia... do you have to joke about babies "getting fucked"... Such poor taste!

Anyways I think the most important thing is. As a gay man, once this franchise is over. Can I still call all involved a bunch of fa-*deleted before new Pajiba law bans me for being too "offensive"*

Head pic: Kristen Stewart tells the French Senators they can take their Nutella tax and fuck themselves with it.

For running "Seven Psychopaths" out of the theater before I could see it, I would like to personally invite "Twilight" to fuck itself.

Haters can hate all they want...this series is the funniest shit on the planet, especially with Rifftraxs.

Plus, I will proudly argue that the Twilight series are no worse than any of the Star Wars.

I am currently watching the "Twilight" series with the blessed addition of Rifftrax. There is no other way on God's green Earth I'd watch these films any other way.

"Llllllllladies..."

So, as far as the SparkleVamps are concerned, it's more ethical to eat mountain lion; a necessary top predator whose population is only just coming back from being threatened, than to eat human; which is basically a plague on the surface of the Earth? Alrighty then.

Can the SparkleVamps just convert to cannibalism already?? I'd watch the hell out of that movie.

And the most important question that will never be answered ever: Why? Fucking why?

Good things can't be happening in that Lee Pace gif.

Virginity is so boring you guys..

The only important question - is it really over, at last? (Sob. Chews lip.)

Nothing makes me lol more than that gif of Bella tackling the mountain lion. She seriously just takes off and glides to it. P.S. Edward's favorite animal to prey on is mountain lion. Of course Bella would be the same as him.

Michael Sheen's agent is probably getting a giant Christmas bonus because Mike made bank on these I'm betting....not that I endorse this stupid series or his involvement in them. I'm just sayin.

I'm hoping Peter Murphy's agent got his client a similar financial windfall when he appeared in a cameo role in either the second or third one of these movies. Peter Murphy, Goth Sex God, Bauhaus founder ... Twilight actor? Made me feel icky and sad.

Things I have learned from these comments:

- Chocolate syrup looks a lot like blood.
- Twilight may or may not contain metaphors, but probably not.
- There is a vampire mafia.
- Bobcats are way littler than I ever knew.

Things I knew before reading the comments:

- Renesmee is the stupidest fucking name in the history of time, bar none, even compared to the *real* people I know named Lazonia (say it out loud) and A'nonchalant.

I am going to argue that one.
I dropped a friend of at a greyhound station recently, and we ended up staring in wonder at the employee of the month sign, celebrating a woman named Ignorrent.

I went to school with someone whose name was actually just Lasagne. I can't decide if that's better, or worse.

My teacher husband told me of a student he'd had named Shithead (pronounced Shuh-thee-ud)

I'm a high school teacher, and we've got some doozies. My favorite student name is currently Ca'Vosier.

I think the greatest joy of teachers outside the U.S. is reading out American names (especially from movies and celebrities) that have been "adapted" to the their language. My favorite this semester was Rylander.

I still bet none of you ever had to teach someone called Saffire. Yes. Spelled JUST like that. How about calling out the roll and coming across the name Sprinkles?

I met a Princess Nefertiti Carebear in college. (She became accustomed to showing her driver's license to those who didn't believe her.) I have no idea how anyone will take her seriously when she applies for employment in the future.

Re: question 8 - Giant Arm-Wrestling Bodybuilder Sidney Crosby makes a horrible post-concussion decision about what to do with his lockout downtime.

I give ten snaps to the adorable little Gaybe in the premiere who is looking at Shruggy McBitesherlips outfit and thinking, bitch please.

I so had to scroll back up and look ...lol

In the first pic, is she lapping up chocolate syrup (yum)? Or is it supposed to be blood? It looks like diarrhea (well, the whole series _is_ a big pile of diarrhea, so it's appropriate image).

As for the outfit--an inverted heart over the buttocks area? Very Klassy.

Choco syrup, that's what I thought, too.

Also, is that Tigger? He looks like he's made out of rubber.

I think the room is for sex.

Think you'd need genetalia for that. Which in this universe, clearly doesn't exist.

Wrong, it is a quiet place that Edward can quietly stare with longing at Bella as she looks off into the distance.

Quietly....

With her mouth open.

I want to sew that bitch's mouth shut.

Seriously though, what happens in this new movie? Didn't they already get married and have a baby and turn Bella into one of the undead? Whenever anyone spoils the plot of the books they always stop after that. What's left to resolve? Are the vamps and wolves still fighting? Is the vampire mafia still pissed about something?

I think this movie really is about Edward fucking that vampire baby.

EVERYONE.

Jacob shtups no one. He will later on in the bajillion sequels about Jacob/Renessmee's angsty virginity love and panting.

Right now Jacob's waiting until she's of age to be the virgin adolescent bride she was born to be.

THIS ISN'T THE END OF TWILIGHT....it's just the beginning.

Omg I saved you the trouble and now I want to kill things...

"As happened to Nahuel,
when she stops maturing at the age of seven, she will look like a
seventeen year old teenager and cease to age for at least many
centuries, should everything go well for the Cullens.

Stephenie Meyer has mentioned in an interview that if she were to write further books in the Twilight universe, she would likely narrate from Renesmee's or Leah Clearwater's perspectives[2], since the love story of Bella and Edward has reached its ending. She also mentioned in another interview that there is a chance that she might go back to writing The Twilight Saga, and refused to answer any question regarding Renesmee's future."

Not to be that guy, but this is not true. Jacob is not waiting for her to be "of age". Renesmee's body matures faster than her legal years (which is presented in the book as "lucky" for him). He is only waiting until she is 8 or 9 and LOOKS 18.

True story. Look it up. Even though I don't recommend that because it means actually reading more of the author's stupid words and ideas.

"THIS ISN'T THE END OF TWILIGHT...it's just the beginning."

*faints*

You can't downvote the truths, my pets.

If we downvote something enough, it never happens. Rules of the internet. Don't correct me!!

"bajillion sequels about Jacob/Renessmee's angsty virginity love and panting"
i.e. fanfic

Fifty Shades of Spay

Fifty Shades of Gray Wolf?

Jacob fucks the vampire baby. And my friends who go to these movies to mock them tell me this one is going to be focused on the vampire mafia thinking vampire baby hybrid thing is bad news bears, and everyone defending it and it's stupid name from them leaving horseheads or whatever it is that vampire mafias do.

Your "friend"? Suuuure.....

Is... Isn't Edward the Vampire Baby's Daddy? Or is Edward the one with the big muscles and the puffy numb face? Which one did she bang again? Do I care?

Is Bella just gonna hold that apple, or will she eat the goddamn thing?

I thought the apple was a metaphor for Bella's implied virginity. If that's so, isn't Edward supposed to be the one who eats it?

I mean, if Bella could eat her own apple, the hell she needs either Edward or Teen Wolf for? Or maybe if Bella had found one of those apple massagers...

Wait, wait, wait. You're saying that this material has enough mastery of basic language concepts to use metaphor? And they think the Twihard audience will understand this?


I scoff at this concept. Scoff, I say!

Let's be honest. Edward doesn't seem like the kind of guy who'd be too keen on eating anything.

that's a mountain lion. bobcats aren't much bigger than a house cat.

Eh, I'm just insulted that those movies who had made I believe close to, or more, than 1 Billion dollars at the box office, still use such obvious and awful third-grade CGI!

Is that girl jumping after that cat, flying or sky diving??... or paragliding horizontally?