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11 Creepiest Smiles In Hollywood (Including Dennis Quaid)

By Agent Bedhead | Seriously Random Lists | September 12, 2012 | Comments ()


quaidsrl1.jpg

This column really requires no introduction nor introspection. These are merely eleven dudes (and dudettes) who creep the living hell out of me when they smile. Observe.

Dennis Quaid:

quaidsrl5.jpg

Christoph Waltz:

waltzsmile1.jpg

Jack Nicholson:

nicholsonsmile1.jpg

Christian Slater:

slatersmile1.jpg

Ian Somerhalder:

somerhaldersmile1.jpg

Brandon Lee:

leesmile1.jpg

Meg Ryan:
ryansmile3.jpg

Willem Dafoe:

dafoesmile1.jpg

Ryan Reynolds:

reynoldsmile1.jpg

Renee Zellweger:

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James Franco:

francosmile1.jpg

Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at Celebitchy.


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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Salzigtal

    Point of order: A dudette is a small dude. A dudine is a cowgirl.

  • When you 'write 'a "Seriously Random List" do you also choose random actors to appear in it? Dominic West out creepy smiles everyone on this list, whom all happen to have perfectly charming smiles. You're lazy & not good at whatever you do to siphon a paycheck out of this "Seriously Random" website.

  • FrayedMachine

    Awww come on. James Franco's smile is so adorable in that picture! Though Somarhalderwhatever his name is' smile really creeps the absolute shit out of me oh my god.

  • Mrs. Julien

    It is inadvisable to have Busey and Dafoe on the same list. It is too much for one's mind to encompass and could potentially lead to an embolism. It must be Busey or Dafoe, with Buscemi shards carefully dovetailed into the list, but only if absolutely necessary.

  • BobBX542

    Ryan Reynolds does not creep you out with his smile, he hypnotizes you. I understand the confusion, but please correct this error.

  • donald

    the most disturbing aspect of this list is the lack of gary busey.

  • kirbyjay

    Perhaps we should have a list for toothy grins, or bad toothy grins, or bad toothy, horsey grins, like Gary Busey, Buscemi, Dafoe

  • Mrs. Julien

    Remember the guy who played and I in Withnail and I? (Paul McGann?) He had an awful, ugly smile, so awful, in fact, that I sincerely believe it stood between him a a better acting career.

  • Pnnylne

    Buscemi.

  • blacksred

    i never realized how much Ryan Reynolds looks like a serial killer until that picture.

  • Julia Roberts' smile. it's like a black hole about to inhale everything. It gives me vertigo like staring into an abyss.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    You only have ten. Nicholson and Slater are the same person, it's just that Slater's like that third (fourth?) Michael Keaton in Multiplicity. Still, technically the same.

  • bump

    I think Franco's smile is really genuine!
    Compare his smile to Reynolds' - Reynolds has a fake dead-inside smile, where only the mouth moves, while Franco's whole face is creasing up. It's like Reynolds etc all want to avoid showing wrinkles around their eyes (which is natural when you smile), but Franco just doesn't care, he's just having a good time.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    What? Are they auditioning for a new Joker?

  • Jaime Birren

    Tom Cruise. Or was he a given? That shark grin gives me nightmares.

  • Guest

    Tom Cruise. Or was he simply a given? That shark grin gives me nightmares.

  • $27019454

    Where is Dick Cheyney on this list?

  • $27019454

    I just re-read the title: ...In Hollywood.

    OK, then. But still.

  • True_Blue

    Meg Ryan's smile is post-surgery (i.e. after she f*cked up her face). Her smile was fine pre-surgery. Should man-made creepy smile be included?

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Only if you can prove the smiler asked for it. Or if they turn supervillain, of course.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Or if the surgeon also brainwashed them into doing their evil bidding when he did the creepy smile.

    Okay, so there are maybe several situations in which man-made creepy smile counts.

  • ExUSA

    Nothing compares to the upper lip-less smile of Dick Powell.

  • ExUSA

    See attached.

  • KatSings

    Brandon Lee...RIP. I love his smile. The manic quality works so well for that role that I just don't care if it's creepy. Everything about him as Eric Draven is sexy to me. I may have problems.

    Jesus, that Dafoe picture though... THERE WAS A FIREFIGHT!

  • emmelemm

    I know... I haz a sad now, remembering Brandon Lee.

  • Lindzgrl

    Sooo, what I learned from this today is that I'm apparently attracted to men with creepy smiles.

  • I feel I've reached saturation point of creatively describing Willem Dafoe's universe cracking grin, so instead I'm gonna thank you for pointing out the absolute singularity of Fucking Creepy that is Quaid's smile - somewhere in a parallel dimension there is a black hole near the Planet of Perverts, into which the perviest of perves are occasionally sucked and then transported through a wormhole and deposited into our dimension via the white hole that is Dennis Quaid's grin.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    I don't think that you can classify what Zellweger does as a smile. I think it rather more a complex expression of hurt feelings mired in a protective facade with a liberal seasoning of constipated derision.

  • Groundloop

    A guy I worked with described Zellwegger as looking "like she's got a tiny piece of shit on her upper lip, and she doesn't want it to fall".

    Your description is classier, but his is a bit more evocative. Horses for courses as they say.

  • kirbyjay

    Why wouldn't she want it to fall? I would be shaking that sucker off so fast....

  • Pants-are-a-must

    WHERE IS FASSBENDER?

  • miss kate

    Thank you!!!! I love me some Fassbender, but boy is his toothy grin nightmare inducing.

  • e jerry powell

    I'd be worried if Willem Dafoe's smile didn't bother you.

    Somerhalder has nice balls, which offsets the creepiness of his smile.

    What? He showed his balls on Tell Me You Love Me.

  • Rocabarra

    I think Christoph Waltz's smile is utterly delightful. I picture him giggling hysterically at a terrible knock knock joke that some small child has just told him.

    Nevermind the Nazi uniform...

  • VonnegutSlut

    I may be in the minority on this, but I've always thought Ryan Reynolds looks dead inside when he smiles...and that's incredibly unnerving.

  • Laura

    I think it's more that his eyes are too close together. Super creepy.

  • Bandit

    That smile is so fake and full of sorrow and misery. He looks lugubrious, as if he's been traumatised by his own smarmy shittyness. It doesn't even reach his eyes. You're an actor for Christ's sake! Smile like you mean it you miserable sod!

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    He's not conscious of what Tyra* would call his "smeyes" that is, smiling with the eyes. It's more like looking into It's deadlights.

    *Yes, I saw the first season of ANTM

  • valerie

    Truth. Very sad on the inside.

  • $27019454

    NO!! I think so too. Like: Dead Smile. He's smiling, but the rest of his head is dead.

    I sicken me.

  • kushiro -

    It looks like his head is about to split open, revealing the hissing alien that wears his skin as a disguise.

    I think I need some fresh air.

  • Guest

    I commend you for leaving Cillian Murphy off this list.

  • ZombieNurse

    Jack Nicholson scares the hell out of me no matter what face he makes.

  • Maguita NYC

    Even when "sweetly" smiling at a basketball game.

    BTW, it seems like Leo DiCaprio is quickly approaching the Jack Nicholson/Joker face lately... Check out the 5th picture:

    http://www.laineygossip.com/Ar...

  • mercurialgrl

    Cillian Murphy is not on this list because...?

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    It's the eyes with him. I'm sure they'll give us a crazy eyes list sometime soon, certainly by Halloween.

  • $27019454

    Wait. REALLY? I have had a little bit to drink, but his eyes are so soulful. Did you see 28 Day Later? That guy could convince me to walk to Singapore (I'm in California) AND shuck off my levis with just his beautiful eyes and his killer voice. His smile is beguiling. NOT creepy.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    him and Jonathan Rhys Meyers (or however each of those names are spelled)

  • yes a crazy eyes list. could be a long list

  • $27019454

    Because it's not creepy? Or is it just me who doesn't think his smile is creepy.

    I'm so roneryyyyy...

  • Maguita NYC

    Thank you for adding Ian Somerholder.

    That guy freaks me out. I don't find him that attractive, yes even shirtless, and whenever he "smolders"... Can't help it but go, oh-oh, some big bad kitty swallowed the canary!

  • kirbyjay

    Do we have a new nick? Ian Smolderholder?

  • Maguita NYC

    I believe that is truly his nickname! Although I would go more with Tryharder.

  • MissAmynae

    I'd still hit it...but I like my creepy....

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    And is he already hitting the plastic surgery? Or is the way his complexion seems to be turning into some kind of Mattel concoction just natural?

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