11 Crappiest Movies of Michelle Pfeiffer's Career

The 11 Crappiest Movies of Michelle Pfeiffer’s Career

By Agent Bedhead | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (53)

This weekend, Michelle Pfeiffer is one of many who will debase themselves for a quick buck in the romcom ensemble piece known as New Year’s Eve, and it’s such a damn shame because Pfeiffer is a fine actress who has starred in many wonderful movies. At the same time though, she’s revelled in a bunch of crap as well. Let us count the reasons why:

Charlie Chan and The Curse of the Dragon Queen: Sure, it’s a spoof, a parody, or whatever term can be used to describe general silliness. That doesn’t excuse the fact that it’s a crappy movie.

Grease 2: Why was there even a sequel to the original? Not enough summer lovin,’ I guess.

Dangerous Minds: For rampant racism that runs in both directions. That Coolio song wasn’t bad though.

One Fine Day: For ever thinking that George Clooney made sense in a romantic comedy.

Into the NIght: For blending insomnia, infidelity, and a story of smuggled emeralds (but possibly worth it for the David Bowie).

What Lies Beneath: For too many red herrings and not nearly enough scares.

A Thousand Acres: For setting a Shakespearean story on an Iowa farm and then turning into a maudlin affair. Although Pfeiffer’s performance here wasn’t nearly as terrible as her turn in A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Up Close & Personal: For twisting the true story of the first American television news anchor into an insipid romantic dramedy.

To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday: For holding a birthday party for a dead woman and for Clare Danes’ crumpleface.

I Could Never Be Your Woman: An over-warmed cliché about fabricated drama in the relationship between an older woman and younger man. Merely because of the age difference.

And a little unexpected bonus number for you…

Tequila Sunrise: Some would call this an underrated movie, but I like to think the overall tanning problem of the cast (especially Mel Gibson) qualifies it a precursor to “Jersey Shore.”

Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at Celebitchy.

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Comments

For shame. Grease 2 is an awesome movie.

Posted by: Nikkers at December 7, 2011 2:12 PM

I think I remember REALLY liking Tequila Sunrise.

But I also liked Dirty Dancing, Madonna, scrunchies and that "Make me Lose control" song right around the same time, so clearly I had my head up my ass. Ignore me. Move on.

Posted by: the other courtney at December 7, 2011 2:16 PM

Point/Counterpoint: I consider Grease 2 one of the worst, if not THE worst, movie ever made.

That Coolio song wasn’t bad though.

The Weird Al Yankovic song is better.

Posted by: MM at December 7, 2011 2:17 PM

Hey, I liked What Lies Beneath...and everyone in Tequila Sunrise is _so_ pretty (even the old anti-Semite), that I watch it for the eye candies.

Posted by: True_Blue at December 7, 2011 2:21 PM

Highly disagree about "What Lies Beneath," but to each their own quite obviously.

Posted by: J. Warner at December 7, 2011 2:23 PM

Wait... I could never be your woman was about an old man dating a young woman? I'm pretty sure Michelle is like Paul Rudd's mom's age.

Posted by: Asvetic at December 7, 2011 2:25 PM

1. One Fine Day is pleasant enough, and Clooney and Pfeiffer have charm to spare.

2. Tequila Sunrise is a product of its day and is redeemed by Raul Julia, particularly his delivery of the following: "You son of a bitch! How could you do this? Friendship is the only choice in life you can make that's yours! You can't choose your family! Goddamn it, I've had to face that! No man should be judged for whatever direction his dick goes! That's like blaming a compass for pointing north, for Chrissake! Friendship is all we have. We chose each other. How could you fuck it up? How could you make us look so bad? "

Posted by: jthomas666 at December 7, 2011 2:30 PM

I'm with Nikkers, Grease 2 is just excellently awful. I know every lyric to every ridiculous song. I maybe sing "Score Tonight" when I go bowling. Don't hate.

Posted by: Dorothy Snarker at December 7, 2011 2:31 PM

1. Let's Bowl
2. Who's that Guy
3. Cool Rider

I thus make my case for Grease II. It does go off the rails in the third act though. Day turns to night, boats vanish and most of all Adrien Zmed makes a reasoned choice.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at December 7, 2011 2:33 PM

Paul Rudd's dance scene in "I Could Never Be Your Woman" almost makes it worth it...almost.

Posted by: MissNev at December 7, 2011 2:33 PM

Paul Rudd is irresistible in "I Could Never...".
And it has a couple of laughs.

In its place, I'd suggest "Witches of Eastwick". I'll watch it, but wow, it's bad. At least you get Maxwell Caulfield in Grease 2.

Posted by: ChickaBoom! at December 7, 2011 2:37 PM

You know what I think?! I think you've all lost your goddamn minds! Grease 2 is a cultural touchstone BECAUSE of Pfeiffer's involvement. The sequence with "Cool Rider" ALONE should have earned that movie Best Picture. Some recent studies concluded that the part where Stephanie climbs the ladder in those skin tight leather pants resulted in Vaseline Intensive Care lotion sales going up 3940% among the nations 14-25 male demographic. Numbers don't lie, people!

Posted by: TylerDFC at December 7, 2011 2:37 PM

You know how you're getting old. When you yell at the screen during the ladder scene that there's a warning sticker STRICTLY PROHIBITING that kind of tomfoolery. And yes I used the word tomfoolery. I have become Marshall.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at December 7, 2011 2:49 PM

Grease 2 is definitely in the awesomely bad category. I add my defense to the fray.

I also can't believe Into the Night is a real movie that matches up Jeff Goldblum and Michelle Pfeiffer, except that I've see this movie, and it was awful.

Posted by: kelsy at December 7, 2011 2:54 PM

Oh, here I am, ready to rant about the awesomeness of Grease 2, and you've all beaten me to it. I'm in good company.

I rather enjoyed I Could Never... too. It's all due to the undeniable charm of Paul Rudd.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at December 7, 2011 3:00 PM

Into the Night also has Roger Vadim, Jim Henson, Paul Bartel, and John Landis as a SAVAK agent. I liked it and I saw it the theater on its opening day.

Posted by: Adam C at December 7, 2011 3:03 PM

I'm so happy I'm not alone in my inexplicable love of Grease 2 - although I might have taken things a little far when the soundtrack somehow found its way on to my ipod And then on to my most played list.
Don't judge me.

Posted by: leelee at December 7, 2011 3:11 PM

You want me to believe What Lies Beneath and Tequila Sunrise are both worse than Married to the Mob? Suuuuuuuuure.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at December 7, 2011 3:18 PM

Fine. I see how you people are. Go ahead and love Grease 2. See if I care!

{sniff}

Posted by: MM at December 7, 2011 3:22 PM

I love Tequila Sunrise. It makes me weepy over Raul Julia. Plus the whole movie is super sexy with being porny.

Posted by: wsapnin at December 7, 2011 3:30 PM

Ok, I KNOW To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday isn't a very good movie but I have a tremendous soft spot for it. I don't know why, I can't explain it. It could be Peter Gallagher's magical eyebrows, it could be my amusement over Seth Green pouring "zombies" down Clare Danes' throat...or it could be the first time I saw it I was a 14 year old girl pining after my grade school crush.

I don't know if it's any or all of these things, I just know that I love it.

Also, Seth Green. Zombies.

Posted by: citizen_cris at December 7, 2011 3:31 PM

You want me to believe What Lies Beneath and Tequila Sunrise are both worse than Married to the Mob? Suuuuuuuuure.

You did NOT just go there. You did not. You didn't even veer in that general direction, because if you did, there shall be fisticuffs.

Married To The Mob is DELIGHTFUL.

Posted by: Ghisent at December 7, 2011 3:55 PM

But Grease 2 has Peter Frechette playing heterosexual! Take that, Ramin Satoodeh!

Posted by: Jerry at December 7, 2011 4:26 PM

Sorry, One Fine Day gets me laid almost every time.

Posted by: grumpiestoldman at December 7, 2011 4:30 PM

Married to the Mob was the Jersey Shore of its day.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at December 7, 2011 4:33 PM

The dream sequence while Stephanie sings "Love Will Turn Back the Hands of Time" alone should eliminate Grease 2 from this list.

Posted by: Algonquin at December 7, 2011 4:37 PM

YOU'RE the Jersey Shore of... um...

No, that doesn't work, does it.

SHUT UP.

There, that's better.

Posted by: Ghisent at December 7, 2011 4:44 PM

Pfeiffer is great in A Midsummer Night's Dream. How else do you expect a fairy queen to act when under a spell that forces her to sex up an ass-headed man? Not like a bunny in heat?

Posted by: Robert at December 7, 2011 4:47 PM

Nothing much to add, except also chiming in with love for the it's so bad it's good Grease 2. I mean the chance to yell "it's Rex Manning Day!" whenever Maxwell Caulfield is on the screen? Priceless.

Posted by: noo at December 7, 2011 4:50 PM

Considering that Michelle Pfeiffer is on my "To Do" list, I'm not going to diss her. I'll just say that "One fine day" is the bane of my existence, thanks to my sisters.

Posted by: Joker at December 7, 2011 5:01 PM

"Every day we have is one more than we deserve."

The fuck?

Posted by: , at December 7, 2011 5:02 PM

She's so goddamned gorgeous, regardless of the movie she's in or how badly it sucks.

Posted by: Iheartlasagne at December 7, 2011 5:15 PM

I fucking love Grease 2, if for no other reason than "Reproduction."

Posted by: Shonda at December 7, 2011 5:52 PM

No Married to the Mob? That was a piece of dung that wouldn't flush!

Posted by: Billdog at December 7, 2011 6:03 PM

Remember when Mel Gibson was gorgeous and none of us knew what a dick he was?

Posted by: pumpkin at December 7, 2011 6:28 PM

I've been madly in love with her since the 80s. She and Basinger were two gorgeous women that were also good actresses. You don't really see that very much anymore.

Posted by: snapnhiss at December 7, 2011 6:35 PM

Nah B.S. Michelle is so easy to watch no one cares how great or bad the movie is.

One Fine Day, A Thousand Acres, I Could Never Be Your Woman, Tequila Sunrise, What Lies Beneath were all great. To Gillian On her 37th Birthday was just a favor to her husband. Dangerous Minds - eh well it was one of the biggest box office movies of her career. The rest of the films I agree with, but those were mostly done before she got famous. Gotta start somewhere!

Posted by: Tyler at December 7, 2011 6:45 PM

Generally speaking, isn't Michelle Pfeiffer kind of quintessential Hollywood--form over substance? So, depending on where you come down on that issue (you know, image is entertainment) you're likely to say she is either great in everything or an abomination.

Posted by: Johnnyboy at December 7, 2011 7:48 PM

Ok I've always known that I loveeeee Michelle Pfeiffer but when I realise that I actually like 5 of these crappy movies it seems unhealthy.

Posted by: SAS at December 7, 2011 8:26 PM

I thought One Fine Day was surprisingly likeable. For me, Scarface should be on this list. I'm honestly not trolling, but I wish I could see the great movie that most people seem to see rather than the overwrought, interminable, kinda laughable one I do.

Well, I'm sure we all have our "Why does everyone like this?" movies of our own. That's mine.

Posted by: Arran at December 7, 2011 9:27 PM

As Warren Justice (what a name!) says about Tally Atwater in Up Close and Personal, "She eats the lens." I love LOVE Michelle Pfeiffer. She's a stunningly beautiful woman who is somehow still relatable. I like most of these movies and have rewatched a bunch of them on Netflix recently.

Posted by: BitterKitten at December 7, 2011 9:53 PM

I have a soft spot for Tequila Sunrise merely for the gone-too-soon and under-appreciated FABULOUS specimen of Latino deliciousness that is Raul Julia.

Also, Michelle's hair in that movie is ...well, it influenced a few haircuts of mine.

Posted by: klingonfree at December 7, 2011 10:12 PM

WTF Grease 2? Reproduction alone takes it out of the list. And I freaking LOVED Tequila Sunrise. I coveted her entire wardrobe and her hair in that movie. And Mel. Remember when Mel was hot? And we didn't know how batshit insane he is?

Posted by: Az at December 7, 2011 11:11 PM

I gotta add to the fray and say "Tequila Sunrise" was a great movie and one of my favorites. "One Fine Day" was okay, not bad, not great, but okay to watch one time.

Posted by: Tecuya at December 8, 2011 12:06 AM

I loved "One fine day", saw it in theater when it came out (yes, I'm THAT old) and I watch it every time I catch it on TV. The sock-puppet show, the running after the boat, the precocious kids... I just love it.

Posted by: Irina at December 8, 2011 2:03 AM

I loved What Lies Beneath. It scared the pants off of me. LOVED IT.

Posted by: Darlene at December 8, 2011 8:47 AM

Now I'm just gonna go watch Grease 2 instead of read Pajiba.

Posted by: jamiepants at December 8, 2011 9:27 AM

Wait a minute, Grease 2 gave us the Pink Ladies Pledge.

The Pink Ladies pledge
To act cool
To look cool
And to be cool
'Til death do us part
Think pink!!!

Also, One Fine Day and Up Close & Personal are perfect Saturday afternoon movies.

Posted by: Still Cathy After These Years at December 8, 2011 10:32 AM

Fun fact: Grease 2 is the only movie I ever bought without seeing it first. I was 9 (and obsessed with Grease) and I had just realized that the movie existed. I rushed to Blockbuster and spent all my report card money on it... and it was awful. So, I watched it everyday until I made myself like it. That twenty bucks was not about to have been spent in vain.

Posted by: Still Cathy After All These Years at December 8, 2011 10:35 AM

Ah, Grease 2. I will forever know all the words to every song.

Posted by: Kristen at December 8, 2011 10:58 AM

"Every day we have is one more than we deserve" is the tagline? What sort of cynical comment on humanity is that?

Posted by: DarthCorleone at December 8, 2011 4:05 PM

Darlene:
Ditto on What Lies Beneath. Love that movie. And she can ROCK a pair of Birkenstocks in Vermont like no other.

Posted by: vllach at December 8, 2011 11:23 PM

I don't care what anybody says about it, I like To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday and Into the Night.
As for I Could Never Be Your Woman, it has Saoirse Ronan in what is my favorite performance of her so far in her career.

Posted by: Ozpinhead at December 9, 2011 12:36 PM

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The 11 Crappiest Movies of Michelle Pfeiffer’s Career

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