11 Crappiest Movies Of Michael Douglas' Career

The 11 Crappiest Movies Of Michael Douglas’ Career

By Agent Bedhead | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (43)

Honestly, I don’t have much to say about Michael Douglas, the man, other than to point out that he’s enjoyed a rather illustrious career spawned in equal parts by nepotism and talent. As an actor, he’s okay, but he’s made some horrifically crappy movies:

Black Rain: Sure, it was stylishly shot, directed by Ridley Scott, and had decent shootouts, but this movie contained plot holes galore.

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps: This could have been a timely critique on the current economic crisis. Instead, it was a dull excuse to crank out a sequel for the money.

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt: Yet another pointless remake.

Don’t Say a Word: The trailer for this movie was actually rather promising (“I’ll never teeeeeeelllll!”), but the reveal at the end ruined it all.

The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past: This one had a few vaguely amusing lines but they certainly weren’t worth justifying the entire movie. Also, poor Charles Dickens.

It Runs in the Family: It’s bad enough that this movie exists in the first place, but did Michael have to drag Daddy Kirk down as well?

The Jewel of the Nile: At first, the idea of this sequel to Romancing the Stone probably seemed like a slam dunk, but the magic just couldn’t be recaptured.

A Perfect Murder: Alright, I actually liked this film in spite of Gwyneth Paltrow and the botched remake factor. Still, it was pretty damn crappy.

The Sentinel: Pointless characters and a convoluted plot meant that this movie never really had a chance.

Shining Through: Another case where the book is far better than the movie adaptation.

You, Me and Dupree: Do I really need to justify this one?

And a little unexpected bonus number for you…

The Game: David Fincher, blah blah blah. Such a stupid, stupid ending.

Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at Celebitchy.

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Comments

Allow me to be That Guy:

'The Game'?! Really?

Posted by: twig at January 11, 2012 2:04 PM

Right behind you twig! The Game was awesome!

Posted by: wildflower at January 11, 2012 2:17 PM

THANK YOU. I always thought I was the only one who hated that ending. loathed it. it ruined the entire movie for me.

Posted by: Jeannine at January 11, 2012 2:17 PM

Agent Bedhead always puts at least one decent movie in with all the swill for some reason. The theory I'm going with right now is that she's trolling us. This time, I thought she was going to list War of the Roses, but she chose the safe route with The Game.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at January 11, 2012 2:19 PM

I was about to jump all over this because of yet another wholly unwarranted and unnecessary shot at Gwyneth, but then the list was redeemed with the inclusion of "The Game" at the end.

Finally, someone who agrees with me. The ending crushed that movie. It made everything that happened in the movie completely unbelievable. It was stupid.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at January 11, 2012 2:19 PM

Black Rain was not crappy. The Game was not crappy. A Perfect Murder was not crappy. Don't Say a Word was not crappy. Not awesome, not Golden Globe material perhaps, but absolutelypositivelymostassuredly not crappy. I will always watch 20 minutes of any of those movies any time they come on USA. And the awesomeness of the poster for the Jewel of the Nile offsets whatever crappiness that movie has. And to think I thought of you as the "sensible one."

Posted by: Greedy at January 11, 2012 2:23 PM

I strenuously object to The Game being on this list as well.

Posted by: virgo47 at January 11, 2012 2:23 PM

A Perfect Murder had Viggo. Looking like a million dollars in sterling silver nickels. So, yeah. Should been called A Perfect Mmman.

Also, The Game was really good and the ending did not ruin the rest of it for me. Rather, I just thought, O brother and chalked it up to Hollyood Idiocy Factor.

Michael Douglas kinda bugs.

Posted by: klingonfree at January 11, 2012 2:24 PM

The Game belongs on this list, I don't get why people still claim to like it after it ends.

On first viewing it, I was enjoying it thoroughly, right up until the end, then as the credits rolled I thought back over all the scenes in the movie and how utterly stupid they are under that new context!

I like Black Rain though. Sure, it's packed full of 80's movie cliches but nothing game breaking. I wouldn't go outta my way to watch it, but if it's on TV I wouldn't turn it off.

Posted by: MurderBot at January 11, 2012 2:50 PM

I'm guessing we're blaming Verhoeven for the crap that was Basic Instank.

Something about the fact that it would be sloppy seconds on both Gwyneth Paltrow (banging daddy's best friend, don't you knwo?) and Catherine Zeta-Jones really makes me want to have sex with Michael Douglas just to see if it's all that, or if Paltrow and Jones are the all-time queens of the ulterior motive.

Posted by: Jerry at January 11, 2012 2:53 PM

Me: "I think I liked A Perfect Murder..."

Husband : "No, you didn't. You liked the blond chick's haircut. Paltrow. Whatever her name is. I remember you wouldn't shut up about it. That's pretty much all I remember about that movie other than the cop's kid had a fever and the Paltrow chick spoke some foreign language to him and OH MY GOD I LOVE HER HAIR."

Me: "You're right! Let's never be apart."

Posted by: the other courtney at January 11, 2012 2:54 PM

The Game, what a retahhded movie. A company with a blatantly criminal & mortally dangerous business model, plot conveniences everywhere, Michael Douglas having to pay the bill at the end, the thematic call-back with Michael Douglas falling off the building, & the stupid actress chick being all "gotta go, wanna get airport coffee?" NO IDIOT, I'M WORTH BILLIONS.

Posted by: the new transported man at January 11, 2012 3:05 PM

the other courtney, I recall gushing about a ballgown she wore as well. That and Viggo. Come ON. This is NOT a bad movie by my standards.

Posted by: klingonfree at January 11, 2012 3:06 PM

I agree that Michael Douglas has made far worse turds than appear on this list. What was that one where he was sexually harrassed by Demi Moore? Man, that was a real shitpile.

Posted by: jimbob at January 11, 2012 3:21 PM

Also, "A Chorus Line!!!" GOD, that SUCKED.

Posted by: jimbob at January 11, 2012 3:23 PM

@jimbob - Oh man, digital Demi Moore stalking Michael Douglas from within a VR library. Disclosure, best movie.

Posted by: the new transported man at January 11, 2012 3:28 PM

I won't try to defend The Game because as much as I enjoy it, I too have problems with the ending.

The big question for me regarding this list is, how baked was McConaughey when they did the shoot for the Ghosts of Girlfriends Past poster?

Posted by: Groundloop at January 11, 2012 3:32 PM

Shining Through is about one of the dumbest, DUMBEST, movie I've ever seen. I'd have a lot of trouble imagining the book to be a whole lot better unless they made major changes to the details.

Posted by: sars at January 11, 2012 3:33 PM

Black Rain is glorious GLORIOUS cheese. "You watch yourself, cowboy." My Godtopus do I love that movie. Katana wielding motorcycle thugs? An extended chase through an iron works? That tough guy 80's hair? KATE CAPSHAW?! Come on, I don't think you've actually seen Black Rain. So yes, I'm going to quibble with that one.

As for The Game? The ending is ridiculous but the rest of it is meticulous, creepy, and always surprising. A brilliant movie other other than the ending and that really depends on the viewer. So it really doesn't belong here.

Posted by: TylerDFC at January 11, 2012 3:35 PM

How about the one with Albert Brooks and Ryan Reynolds (inexplicably)? That movie is both horrendous and amazing.

Posted by: adnamat at January 11, 2012 3:55 PM

Despite seeing the entire movie through to the end, people actually still like The Game. I learned something today.

Posted by: Craigilicious at January 11, 2012 3:55 PM

Gwyneth looked SO GOOD in A Perfect Murder. So did Viggo. So...yeah, I kinda liked it.

Posted by: figgy at January 11, 2012 4:15 PM

The Game

No.

Posted by: Seany D at January 11, 2012 4:50 PM

I love Don't Say A Word, mostly because Sean Bean is so deliciously evil in it.

Posted by: kirbyjay at January 11, 2012 4:54 PM

The Ghost And The Darkness is worse than at least half of these, yet somehow it's an Academy Award winner.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at January 11, 2012 6:03 PM

I saw The Game for the first time last week and I was loving it until the ending.

(Spoiler-ish) What if he wasn't able to escape that cab? What if he stayed / died in Mexico? How did they know he would shoot Sean Penn?? Or jump from that exact spot (or jump at all)? Not to mention they drove a man to attempt suicide and he's fine 5 minutes later?? UGH!

I can't suspend disbelief for every single scene.

Posted by: smasherstein at January 11, 2012 6:29 PM

I liked The Game. It was completely and utterly unrealistic but that didn't diminish the performances, tone and cinematography. Someone brought up the scene in the taxi and I wanted to add that on the DVD special features there's an alternate ending where Michael Douglas' character declines the cab and simply walks away. Kinda cheeky.

Posted by: becks at January 11, 2012 6:52 PM

The Michael Douglas Movies I LIKE...

Far easier to list than the ones I don't, since most of them go on the latter list (War of the Roses, included. YUCK. Loathsome, ugly film).

So... The China Syndrome, Wonder Boys, The American President, A Perfect Murder (yeah, sue me, I like it), A Chorus Line (and only because I'm addicted to that show, not because it's actually any good) and Romancing the Stone.

The rest is dreck.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at January 11, 2012 7:36 PM

Boy, this list really made me sad. I guess you could say...

...there's a lump in my throat.

Yikes.

Posted by: superasente IS going to hell at January 11, 2012 7:53 PM

The poster says it all. Black Rain truly was one inolvidable pelicula.

Posted by: Johnnyboy at January 11, 2012 8:42 PM

YOU ARE ALL WRONG. The ending is what makes THE GAME an ok movie. It would be standard, unoriginal, hollywood bullshit if not for the reveal at the end. The rest of the movie is just a chase film. The only thing that makes it a David Fincher movie is the ending. You only have to suspend your disbelief on one part, where they learn to totally predict his behavior based on a long series of tests. After that, it all works.

And if you don't think the 1% can pull amazing shit off, just because they have tons of money, you're not paying attention.

Posted by: John G. at January 12, 2012 12:19 AM

Also, there is a picture of her up there, and no one has said it yet, so on behalf of Pajibans everywhere:

I fucking hate Gwyneth Paltrow!!

Posted by: John G. at January 12, 2012 12:21 AM

Seriously, the ending to The Game was TERRIBLE. I totally agree with its inclusion here.

Posted by: Even Stevens at January 12, 2012 12:31 AM

'They're back again... Romancing a brand new Stone!'

I just thought that needed attention brought to it.

Posted by: zeke the pig at January 12, 2012 4:16 AM

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Posted by: cathrine at January 12, 2012 4:50 AM

You are wrong about "A Perfect Murder" and "The Game". So wrong in fact that I don't need to explain myself.

Posted by: James at January 12, 2012 5:39 AM

You should have added Fatal Attraction and that one where Demi Moore sexually harassed Mr. 'It's in my contract under the 'willful misogyny' clause that you can't make my character look bad' Douglas.

Posted by: sunny at January 12, 2012 6:54 AM

God damn you sir, The Game is fucking fantastic. Strike its name off the list or by God help me thy shall be smote.

Posted by: Brendan at January 12, 2012 10:41 AM

I defy you to come up with a better ending to The Game. Anything But that ending would have felt so boring and conventional. It's a great thriller that doesn't belong on this list.

Posted by: valerie at January 12, 2012 1:28 PM

I get the feeling this thread was created to diss The Game. Regardless of whether you liked the ending, that movie is great. It's one of the handful of movies I will start watching any time I see them on.
Also...ummm...did you see Disclosure? The company's business plan in that movie is more unbelievable than the company in The Game, (to which I will add it's implied CRS operates outside the law in the latter movie). And lemme tell ya, Wall Street is a pretty silly movie that has aged terribly by the way.
I guess I shouldn't be surprised, since the most ridiculously memorable movie ad campaigns of all time had you intrigued. I'll Never Tellllll! HAHAHA!

Posted by: dagnabbit at January 12, 2012 5:51 PM

Black Rain is fucking amazing, despite (or because of) Michael Douglas' perm.

Posted by: TL at January 12, 2012 7:42 PM

I think someone knows shite about movies.

Posted by: Kajo at January 14, 2012 4:05 AM

Where the hell was "Traffic" on that list?! That was one of the worst pieces of shit I've ever seen. Literally a minute of Douglas sitting in the back of a Taxi adjusting his tie!!! Even he looked like "WTF? when is this scene going to end?"

Posted by: Goat Boy at January 14, 2012 8:05 AM

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The 11 Crappiest Movies Of Michael Douglas’ Career

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