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11 Crappiest Movies Of Michael Caine’s Career

By Agent Bedhead | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (49)



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When one thinks of Michael Caine, the mental image is often a portrait of reverence. Why? The man has made as many crappy movies as the next bloke. Let’s do this.

Austin Powers in Goldmember: This was easily the most ridiculous installment of the franchise and the precise point when it parodied itself to death.

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Blame It On Rio: This was like SNL’s “Motherlover” only with reversed genders and much less amusing.

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Cars 2: In the immortal words of Michael Bay, “BOOM!”

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Bewitched: Way to piss off a ton of die-hard fans, right?

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Flawless: This movie was sheer drudgery to experience with too many plot twists to even care.

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Jaws 4: The Revenge: Here’s the obligatory, “Do I even have to explain this one?” entry.

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On Deadly Ground: Ridiculous script, execution, and acting? Check, check, and check.

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Sleuth: Yet another crappy, pointless remake … even if it does brilliantly point towards Jude Law’s future as a homoerotically-inclined detective.

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The Swarm: Even Caine (as a “brilliant entomologist) clearly didn’t want to be in this movie.

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The Weather Man: It seems like a cop out to describe this as “Yet another crappy Nicolas Cage movie,” but damn, it’s absolutely true.

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And now here’s a little bonus number for you …

Miss Congeniality: Yes, everyone loves Sandra Bullock, but c’mon, it wasn’t that funny of a movie.

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Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at Celebitchy.









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Comments

I don't know, I would have included The Holcroft Covenant.

Posted by: Keith at February 15, 2012 2:09 PM

I care about Michael Caine about as much as I care about Helen Mirren - which is to say not much at all, but hammerfist you to hell, The Weather Man was a stone cold masterpiece.

Camel-fucking-toe.

Posted by: zeke the pig at February 15, 2012 2:18 PM

Secondhand Lions needs to be on this list.

Posted by: Lucas at February 15, 2012 2:18 PM

The Sleuth remake is cancelled out by the Sleuth original, but fear not, there are plenty of other crappy Caine films to take that slot. Like Beyond the Poseidon Adventure.

Posted by: Jerry at February 15, 2012 2:21 PM

"I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific!"

Posted by: twig at February 15, 2012 2:22 PM

Cue me running to YouTube and watch that Michael Caine clip from "The Trip" for the millionth time.

TEAM COOGAN!

Posted by: Pants at February 15, 2012 2:23 PM

YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH ABOUT MISS CONGENIALITY. That movie was a big bowl of spectacular cross-bred with a fistful of amazing!

Posted by: Donut Plains at February 15, 2012 2:34 PM

uhh... I liked The Weatherman.

Posted by: maka at February 15, 2012 2:42 PM

Years ago, before the internet, I had one of those giant movie review books. I'll always remember that the entry for The Swarm was just a single word:

"Inept."

It remains to this day one of my favorite reviews.

Also, I hate you for reminding me about the existence of On Deadly Ground.

Posted by: Ghisent at February 15, 2012 2:43 PM

“Do I even have to explain this one?”

Why not?

http://tinyurl.com/7pfakfx

Posted by: Jay at February 15, 2012 2:44 PM

I actually thought Goldmember was much better than the second one, and not that far behind the original.

I also thought Flawless was decent. Otherwise I more or less agree on the ones I've seen.

Posted by: Eep at February 15, 2012 2:44 PM

Yeah, it's the wrong "Jaws", but it's better.

Posted by: Jay at February 15, 2012 2:45 PM

I had no idea that Stanley Donen directed "Blame It On Rio". Now I feel disillusioned, saddened and dirty.

Posted by: honeychurch at February 15, 2012 2:49 PM

It must have been really hard to just pick 11 movies.

Posted by: FabMax at February 15, 2012 2:50 PM

Ohhhhh, Miss Congeniality was okay. I will never, however, understand the "Sleuth" remake, nor will I ever watch it.

Posted by: NeoCleo at February 15, 2012 2:50 PM

Goldmember may have been bad, but Caine was hilarious in it.

Posted by: jimbob at February 15, 2012 2:53 PM

No bile for the useless "Get Carter" remake with Sylvester Stallone in which he made a cameo so he could get a new boat?

Takes a corn encrusted dookie on the original.

Posted by: bleujayone at February 15, 2012 2:57 PM

*dance dance dance* "Sharks come and go, Ellen!"

Posted by: Goldie at February 15, 2012 2:58 PM

Nope, The Weatherman was awesome.

Posted by: Chelsey at February 15, 2012 3:07 PM

On Deadly Ground, Driven To Kill, Against The Dark, Out For Justice, Marked For Death, Hard To Kill, Above The Law--I've noticed Seagal's penchant for titles of three words.

Posted by: DenG at February 15, 2012 3:19 PM

I liked The Weatherman, and would probably replace it with Beyond the Poseiden Adventure. (Interesting tidbit: the book Beyond the Poseiden Adventure was written as a sequal to the film, not to Paul Gallico's original novel. Then the film version of the sequel had nothing to do with either of them.)

Posted by: Siege at February 15, 2012 3:22 PM

When asked if he had ever seen the Jaws movie, he responded

'No, but I've seen the house in Malibu that it built'

He's a class act, and though the movies may have been dire, he's actually been rather good in some of them..

Suck it.

Posted by: Kingsize at February 15, 2012 3:24 PM

You will not stomp all over "Miss Congeniality"!!!

Michael Caine is the very definition of "a working actor". It's a job, and he makes money at it.

Posted by: grumpiestoldman at February 15, 2012 3:37 PM

The Weatherman is so not crappy.

Posted by: haplo at February 15, 2012 3:46 PM

Soooo glad to se Bewitched on this list. It was on TV last weekend, and I caught it out of bored curiosity. It really was appalling, and I was shocked to see both Caine and Shirley Maclaine (WTF) slumming it in that movie.

OTOH, he was the best thing about Goldmember:

"There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch."

Thas't a solid joke!

Posted by: Skyler Durden at February 15, 2012 3:48 PM

"Michael Caine and Demi Moore, back together again in..."

Seriously, he went back to that well? Huh.

Also, MICHAEL DID A MOVIE WITH STEVEN SEAGAL! I may never stop chortling.

Posted by: melia at February 15, 2012 3:51 PM

When you've been in 4 or so movies a year, every year, for the last forty years, you're bound to be in some shit. Credit to him, Sir Michael Caine was never the reason these films were bad.

Posted by: Greedy at February 15, 2012 3:59 PM

Yeh, who thought the Weatherman was a shite film? It's sweet, amusing, slightly quirky and involving. Good soundtrack to. The kid from About a Boy/skins is fairly bad though.
Cameltoe.

Posted by: Renton at February 15, 2012 4:04 PM

Who cares!?!? It is Michael Caine for chrissakes.

Posted by: MRod at February 15, 2012 4:20 PM

Aww, I kinda loved The Weatherman. Cage was oddly perfect for the part.

Posted by: Sofía at February 15, 2012 4:37 PM

Blame it on Rio? Are you out of you GOD DAMN MIND! Seriously, did you rail slide your balls off... oh, right. Never mind.

Posted by: Chucktastic at February 15, 2012 5:05 PM

This list seems to think Michael Caine started acting in 1990. His breakout role was in 1966 with Alfie and he's been a lead actor since then. Around the same time he started playing a character called 'Harry Palmer' (yeah, I'm not kidding) in a terrible film called The Ipcress File and reprised that role in two more iterations.

Posted by: John G. at February 15, 2012 5:50 PM

Goldmember contained the only bit from an Austin Powers movie that ever made me laugh, and that was anything concerning Fred Savage as the Mole. When he encourages Austin to get all of the mole jokes out of his system? I howled. He pokes it with a STICK, people. With. A. Stick.

Posted by: Craig at February 15, 2012 6:02 PM

Seriously, you didn't include "Mr.Destiny"? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100201/

Posted by: Corey at February 15, 2012 6:20 PM

aaaaaaand yep. I'm watching The Trip on repeat all day now.

Posted by: Alex00 at February 15, 2012 7:06 PM

The Jaws Revenge tagline is still spectacularly awful even after all these years.

"This time it's personal."

This gives me the mental image of the old SNL skit of the landshark. "Candygram."

Priceless.

Posted by: Aerial Flynn at February 15, 2012 7:08 PM

I swear to this day that Pixar only made Cars 2 to give the finger to the world for saying the first one wasn't very good. Like "How DARE you say anything we make is anything less than gold! Gold, damn you! We are PIXAR! The fields will run red with all the blood of those who oppose us! Now sacrifice your firstborns to us to show your gratitude to our almighty CGI crapfests, maggots!!!! BAM! Cars 2! Swallow it! Swallow it, Bitch!!!"

Or something like that.

Posted by: Juicy Weatherbee at February 15, 2012 7:37 PM

I'm a big fan of Michael Caine ~ but this list is ridiculously short...

Posted by: Nick at February 15, 2012 8:10 PM

Funny thing about Jaws: The Revenge and Michael Caine: he had to miss the Oscar ceremony where he won for Hannah And Her Sisters because of his contractual duty to be on set. (I think I have that right.)

Aerial Flynn >> Oh, c'mon! It's perfectly plausible that a shark would track the relatives of its own killer from previous movies down the entire eastern seaboard!

Posted by: DarthCorleone at February 15, 2012 8:56 PM

I feel pretty confident in saying "The Hand" is the very worst Michael Caine movie in existence.

http://youtu.be/DTFCF4EqM14

Posted by: snapnhiss at February 15, 2012 9:14 PM

I freely admit to loving "Blame it on Rio". It's the greatest craptastic masterpiece in film history. Anyone who enjoys watching movies ironically can tell you that.

Posted by: Dano at February 15, 2012 9:25 PM

The only thing about Secondhand Lions that was great was Berke Breathed contributing the cartoon art.

Replace The Weatherman on this list with that POS.

Posted by: idiosynchronic at February 15, 2012 9:42 PM

I forgive all his crappy movies because of his acting in Little Voice. *shudder*

Posted by: Jiggles at February 16, 2012 12:03 AM

The Weatherman was easily one of the worst films I have ever seen, I almost didn't make it through til the end (which is a very rare thing for me). Totally belongs on this list and every "worst of" list, ever.

Miss Congeniality, on the other hand...

Posted by: Even Stevens at February 16, 2012 2:01 AM

What? The Weatherman? I would love to hear what it was that Agent Bedhead found so objectionable about the film, because I remember it as extremely thoughtful and well-developed. Perhaps the good Agent didn't really see it, but assumed it was lacking because it was directed by the same man who gave us the POTC trilogy, and starred Nicolas Cage, to boot?

Posted by: Scott at February 16, 2012 2:15 AM

That "Swarm"-Poster is pretty sweet!

Posted by: Qualtinger at February 16, 2012 4:14 AM

Yeah I loved hearing Caine say the words "Cameltoe (or is it camel toe?)" in Weatherman

Posted by: Luke at February 16, 2012 10:50 AM

You shut your mouth about Miss Congeniality!

Posted by: Lizzy at February 16, 2012 1:07 PM

You stink and your opinion on movies is pretty lame.

Posted by: Lance at February 16, 2012 4:35 PM