10 (Mostly) Magnificent Bastards (Who Get Away with Everything)

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10 (Mostly) Magnificent Bastards (Who Get Away with Everything)

By Agent Bedhead | Seriously Random Lists | November 28, 2012 | Comments ()


For this list, I've deviated somewhat from the standardly accepted Magnificent Bastard trope as defined by Patton. This list does not concern characters played by particular actors but revolves around the actors themselves and their crotchety attitudes towards fame and acting (plus various other entities). These guys (and a girl) are utterly brilliant actors but are rather villain-esque in an everyday capacity. They bitch and they moan and aren't terribly likable during interviews, but they still manage to be so amazing at their jobs that they are almost universally forgiven for their plain-clothes faults. We are therefore willing to suspend our disbelief over these actors' real-life bad attitude because they're so goddamn compelling and charismatic in an onscreen capacity. Obviously, this list includes far more men than women because when women complain about the acting profession (see Katherine Heigl), these things are not so easily forgiven. Yes, that sucks.

Daniel Craig: "I've been trying to get out of this from the very moment I got into it. But they won't let me go, and I've agreed to do a couple more, but let's see how this one does, because business is business and if the shit goes down, I've got a contract that somebody will happily wipe their ass with." -- Rolling Stone


John Malkovich: "Look, I don't need to be liked." -- Independent


Tilda Swinton: "I'm not really interested in acting. I've given up waiting for an epiphany of interest to strike. Acting is a red herring and a major mistake and I'm still trying to get back on track." - UK's Daily Express


Clint Eastwood: "If somebody's dumb enough to ask me to go to a political convention and say something, they're gonna have to take what they get. People loved it or hated it and that's fine. That's what it was supposed to be." -- NY Daily News


Christian Bale: "Am I going to walk around and rip your fucking lights down, in the middle of a scene? Then why the fuck are you walking right through? Ah-da-da-dah, like this in the background. What the fuck is it with you? What don't you fucking understand? You got any fucking idea about, hey, it's fucking distracting having somebody walking up behind Bryce in the middle of the fucking scene? Give me a fucking answer! What don't you get about it?" -- Telegraph


Alec Baldwin: "I am going to get on a plane and I am going to come out there for the day and I am going to straighten your ass out when I see you. Do you understand me? I'm going to really make sure you get it. Then I'm going to get on a plane and I'm going to turn around and come home. So you'd better be ready Friday the 20th to meet with me. So I'm going to let you know just how I feel about what a rude little pig you really are. You are a rude, thoughtless little pig, OK?" -- National Ledger


Mark Wahlberg: "If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn't have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, 'OK, we're going to land somewhere safely, don't worry.'" -- HuffPo


Jared Leto: "I think that blogging should die a sudden death. It's just ridiculous. It's like a playground for four-year-olds. Pretty soon anybody with a cell phone is going to be able to be a news reporter. The blog is yesterday's parachute pants. It's here now but it's gone tomorrow" - Best Week Ever


Ben Affleck: "What was that guy's name who killed his wife and dumped her off the side of a boat? Peterson. I remember thinking he actually gets slightly better treatment than I do in the press. At least they had to say 'alleged killer.' Unfortunately there's an aspect of that that's like one of those fights you see on YouTube where one of them falls down and then a bunch of people who were standing around come over and kick the person. They don't know them, they have no involvement in the fight, but they recognize a moment that they can get a free shot in, and for some people it"s just too much to resist. And that was definitely me at that point. I was the guy. I was the designated person to loathe." -- GQ


Mel Gibson? Not a magnificent bastard.


Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at Celebitchy.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Blake Meads

    Is it sad that I really didn't have a problem with a majority of these quotes?

  • Winning

    You dumbasses have no idea how much hard work it is to be a rockstar like seger. so stfu and go back to your little video games and sitting on your computers all day bitching about things you will never have...I feel sorry for all of your poor parents still having to put up with you living there in your 40s. LOSERS.

  • James

    No Wahlberg, no Affleck...They are simply NO NOs in my list

  • You should have googled Russell Crowe's comments about George Clooney and an actor's integrity.

  • sars

    The inclusion of Bale bothers me.
    The dude got pissed at work, and yelled at a co-worker. Seriously, workign in a high stress environment can do that. Actors work in a high stress environment, specially people like Bale who are expected to deliver a certain level of performance. The guy KEPT REPEATEDLY interrupting and distracting him. Imagine, your boss has given you an assignment, thats due in 2 hours and every 10 minutes, a junior keeps coming to your office, knocking and asking menial quesitons, OR just keeps coming to your office and taking stuff, that he can WAIT to do after you are done. you too would flip out, but there would be no one to tape it and call you a bastard for it.
    flipping out is wrong, but doesnt make him a bastard. By all accounts, the guy is sweet and a feminist.
    So yes, NOT a significant Bastard.

  • Yocean

    You take Jared Leto's dirty, mascaraed finger off this list right now. He does not deserve to stand anywhere near magnificent or bastard, he is a doucheface at best. A douchfaced sad 40 years old man whoring himself out to misguided 14 years old to hormonal hemorrhage. That sad man do not belong here.

  • zeke_the_pig

    'Look, I don’t need to be liked.' - Malkovich.
    Mission accomplished, you prick.

  • chanohack

    I'm sorry, but is there something about that Eastwood quote that's supposed to make me not adore him? Because I'm missing it. It makes me adore him more.

  • Pookie

    The real title of this column should be "White people always get away with shit.”
    The more I think about it, this entire column is about "White privilege," but the truly sad part is that you don't have the self-awareness to even recognize it.

  • Jezzer

    I see your "white people always get away with shit," and I raise you "Chris Brown."

  • duckandcover

    The people who you listed who should be included is really interesting and thought-provoking.

  • Idle Primate

    Rich people privilege?

  • Jezzer

    Do we know conclusively that Alec Baldwin's kid ISN'T a rude, thoughtless little pig?

  • Mrs. Julien

    As long as it's her fault then...

  • Jezzer

    She knows what she did. >:(

  • Alice

    Alec Baldwin is incredibly likable. He has a winning smile and oozes charm. He's human and his daughter pushed his buttons. Any parent knows it takes incredible strength and grace to not crack and freak out from time to time. Slack...cut.

  • Slash

    Eh ... I don't get the vapors over the word "c_nt" like a lot of Americans do. It's just a word. I've heard worse. Much worse.

  • cooky

    i can't figure out why people keep giving it power. it means exactly the same thing as a few other terms that are bandied about heedlessly...

  • Mrs. Julien

    It's not the cu*t. It's the oysters.

  • Mrs. Julien

    That is the filthiest thing I have ever written and it was the filthiest joke I have ever read. It may have single-handedly cured me of my Craig lust. My stays just tightened themselves.

  • DeltaJuliet

    I must be weak. I still lust after him with the heat of a thousand suns. Short of kicking puppies I don't think anything he could say or do would kill my lady-boner for Daniel Craig.

  • Salieri2

    I almost agree. But I just saw Skyfall, and it's got a pretty strong grip.

  • Slash

    I expected to see Sean Penn on this list.

    And now I have to go read this filthy Daniel Craig joke.

  • jollies

    Yes, Penn. I couldn't believe it when the list ended. I had to scroll back up and re-check to see if I missed it.

  • James

    For pajiba staff, he gets the same Gibson and Heigl treatment

  • Blake

    No Chris Brown???

  • L.O.V.E.

    Not magnificent. Just a bastard.

  • Blake

    Yes, but tell that to the Grammys, Hollywood, and all the people who keep buying his records...

  • Lee

    Chris Brown is smear on the face of humanity. Not talented or likeable.

  • Salieri2

    Face? Generous, Lee.

  • BWeaves

    If actors say they really don't want to act, then get the fuck out of acting. Nobody's making you do it. Go get a job at Walmart. Oh, it doesn't pay as much? Then shut the fuck up and do your job, and pay off your mortgage on your million dollar homes and retire. NEVER EVER bite the hand that feeds you. You can think it. You can write your memoirs when you're ninety and say it, because old age gives you that sort of privilege. But act like professional while you have the damn job that most of the rest of us would kill to get.

  • ,


  • Miley's Virus

    Bweaves, this is exactly what I've been saying about that Bob Seger song everyone loves where he whines about being a rock star. Turn the Page I think it's called. How many people on the crew have broken their asses all day setting up the stage, etc, only to hear him bitch about how tough it is to be a rock star? Fuck him, also, fuck Bon Jovi.

  • zeke_the_pig

    Hear hear! These fucking entitled, perspective-warped bastards need to stop whining or I will personally pay (or whatever) for BWeaves to be cloned as many times as need be in order to deliver this exact message to each one of these mopey, soggy shrews at their own crystal doorsteps via a baseball bat with the words engraved on it.

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    I'm sorry, but you cannot take umbrage with anything Tilda Swinton says because she is deliciously, balls trippingly, bananas. Just look at that sentence: "I’ve given up waiting for an epiphany of interest to strike. Acting is a red herring and a major mistake and I’m still trying to get back on track." It's such a jumble of metaphors that it's like reading something that was written in English, translated into Mandarin, and then translated back into English.

    If that interview isn't enough evidence, consider that in her public appearances she displays a consistent level of insanity (e.g. http://gofugyourself.com/fab-t... but with such *purpose* it's really astounding. If she said Xenu was her stylist, I'd believe her. And let's not forget she has an older husband but until recently was swanning around with her young lov-ah (a model) who also lived with her she and her husband and all of them were perfectly fine with this arrangement. I feel that she is the level of crazy that Anne Heche strives for and you should take her as seriously as you do your friends when they are completely stoned and want to talk about The Lord of The Rings.

  • e jerry powell

    I strive to emulate Tilda in all I do.

  • BWeaves

    Tilda gets a pass because she's really an alien and cannot be held accounted to normal "human" standards. I was mostly referring to many other actors who have said the same sort of thing.

  • e jerry powell

    Now I'm all weak. Alec Baldwin on a rage bender just does it for me.

    Now I must take to bed.

  • Salieri2

    I don't know if Daniel Craig deserves all that bile for that one anti-cash-cow comment, but man, that filthy joke he tells in the linked article? Is filthy. Lily-leaves-How I Met Your Mother-for-six-weeks filthy, times a bajillion. So filthy I'm nervous about reading the rest of the article filthy. It's a really filthy joke, is all I'm saying here.

  • Leelee

    I really, really wish I hadn't clicked.
    Dammit Craig, Bond would NEVER be that crass. Don't ruin the illusion!

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Yeah, that's filthy. Not really funny. Kind of weird. But definitely gross.

  • prince_of_montagu

    I read it and became very silent. Physically and mentally. I think i might leave the internet for a while.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Damn it. Now I must click the link.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Wahlberg and Leto? Really? Two guys (among others) whose pictures you find in the dictionary under "Douchebag" are supposed to be badasses? Wahlberg's 9/11 quote is so ridiculous that it's on the other side of funny, and Leto has to wear make-up to make his very mediocre pseudo-rock band even a little bit interesting.

  • oilybohunk7

    Back in the day a local radio personality was SO in love with Jared Leto and would endlessly talk about her love for him. Then she met him. She still talked about him all of the time, but mostly to make sure everyone knew what an unmitigated douchebag he is.

  • Abbey Road

    I'll give you Wahlberg, because he's hilarious and in everything. But I wasn't aware anybody saw Leto as anything but "the guy who played himself in My So-Called Life and then has just walked around annoying everyone ever since." (Ok, and Fight Club, 100 years ago.)

  • AngelenoEwok

    He was in Fight Club?

  • competitivenonfiction

    Yes, you have to look closely, but he's there. He's the one who Edward Norton goes balls out crazy on.

  • Yocean

    That was the most satisfying scene in that movie, well next to the ending but man it gives me pleasure every time.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    I remember: he's the peroxide blonde one, right?

  • competitivenonfiction

    That's the one.

  • Bert_McGurt

    The comparison he chose to use...is a stretch (though after reading the quote he was responding to I can see where he's coming from), but Affleck's got a point. He WAS a bit of a media whipping boy in the J-Lo days. Considering he could have blamed a lot of that on the influence of his ladyfriend at the time and instead chose to talk about how pleasant a person she is shows a good bit of class on his part, I'd say.

  • Quorren

    What Wahlberg really gets away with is that everyone always remembers the stupid 9/11 quote and not his violent, racist teenage years.

  • Idle Primate

    I would like to not be forever judged by my teenager years

  • Quorren

    I'm sure you didn't blind someone in the eye and then years later talk about how you should maybe, probably make amends with that dude, but then again, you're doing so many good person things now, so you really don't have the time, but it's all good because you can sleep at night, and how you're feeling is really what matters.

  • Idle Primate

    I've got scars and gave scars in my youth. My laundry list of lousy shit is long. My point is people aren't constantly propping up their self righteousness with my quarter century old misdeeds.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I was a bitch in my teenage years. I regret it. I'm sorry to anyone I was unkind to.


    And I never blinded anyone for a case of beer.

  • ,

    "I was a bitch in my teenage years."

    And now you're telling lies because you are now, have always been and forever shall be excruciatingly perfect. I can tell. And I like that about you, so don't soil your picture in my head with such utter nonsense as "I was a bitch."

  • Mrs. Julien

    Who's my Bucdaddy?

    Subject: [jiba] Re: 10 (Mostly) Magnificent Bastards (Who Get Away with Everything)

  • ,

    Although I finally looked up the definition of "prolixity" and I've never been more disappointed. It sounds so dirty/sexy.

  • Mrs. Julien

    ♥ ♥ ♥


  • in_heaben
  • Natallica

    Or his so called "music"

  • Luke Anthony Matthews

    Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are Hollywood's most adorable couple. I swear, whenever they aren't at awards shows, those people wear sweatpants all day long.

  • AngelenoEwok

    If I were rich and famous, I too would yoga pants and graphic tee my way through every damn day. That would be so glorious. Better than champagne and lobster.

  • AudioSuede

    Bale and Baldwin went through massive shitstorms after their outbursts and almost lost the jobs they were working on at the time.

    Ben Affleck's whole career basically died and had to be resurrected by his directing efforts. Plus, I've never seen an interview with him when he was anything but charming.

    When's the last time you saw Jared Leto in anything?

    Clint Eastwood's last movie floundered, and it would be easy to attribute that to his ridiculous showing at the RNC.

    John Malkovich isn't exactly Paris Hilton when it comes to scandals (or celebrity). Same goes for Tilda Swinton. What's really for them to "get away" with?

  • Lindzgrl

    I was really disappointed to see an interview with Affleck where he was absolutely terrible to the girl interviewing him; it was when he was promoting The Town, I believe. You couldn't see her, but you could tell by her voice that she was young and very excited/enthusiastic to be interviewing Ben, and he gave her all totally canned answers with this utterly bored look on his face the whole time. Wouldn't look at her or the camera. It was like he was reading off a script, and he knew it and he knew she knew it but he didn't care. Her questions were fine, the normal stuff—certainly nothing that would strike a discord with anyone. I mean, maybe something happened beforehand that would explain it—benefit of the doubt—but it's left me with a bad taste about him ever since.

  • Lee

    Maybe he was having a really shitty day. It happens.

  • ed newman

    I agree with all of these but I have to say I sympathize a bit more with Baldwin after reading the actual rude little pig quote. I have a teenage daughter that I have come very close to saying the same kind of thing too. I'd be worried about my parenting except my wife and son come close to saying it to her too. Every day.

  • L.O.V.E.

    He was probably right. She probably was a rude little jerk, and she probably needed to hear it. He's not the one who broadcasted the message for public consumption, either.

    Hell, I remember my youth. I was a little shit-head who popped off and got in all kinds of trouble. Selling stolen porn at 12, stealing condoms from the drug store and using them as water balloons to throw at moving cars at 13, joy riding at 14 ... I wasn't a "rude little pig". I was an asshole.

    It took a belt buckle whipping and a whole summer of paving asphalt to get me in line.

  • the dude

    mark walhberg said it wrong, he just means he would have put up a fight. But the people on the planes didn't know that they were suicide terrorists, they though it was a hostage situation.

  • Salieri2

    He has no way of knowing what the people on the plane did or didn't do, and there is no way of criticizing their presumed behavior after the fact that doesn't come off as assholish. He should damn well know better.

    I was unaware of this jackassery until today. Henceforth, he shall be known as Assholio. So let it be written.

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