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15 Men You Seriously Never Want to See Without Facial Hair

By Dustin Rowles | Seriously Random Lists | September 8, 2013 | Comments ()


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Gerard Butler

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Sam Elliot

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Weird Al Yankovic

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Zach Galifianakis

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Burt Reynolds

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Jesse Tyler Ferguson

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Tom Selleck

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Idris Elba

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Nick Offerman

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John Oates

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Jason Mantzoukas

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Kristian Nairn (Hodor)

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The Male Cast of “Duck Dynasty”

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Wilford Brimley

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Chuck Norris

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Comments Are Welcome, Douches Are Not


  • anEizBerg

    I forget Chuck is old as dirt..come to think of it..he was probably the dirt as the chuck joke goes..lol

  • alana liu

    Well, it is just me, myself and I think this is EEW!!

  • St

    What? All of them look great in those pictures you chose.

  • gefeylich

    A hairless Galifianakis looks like a cross between Bradley Cooper and Raul Esparza. Strange. Looks as if he's about to start screaming, or singing Sondheim. Or both.

    I think Weird Al and Offerman look oddly cute and vulnerable without hair. And who knew those DD hillbillies were once just run-of-the-mill golfing fratboys?

    Everyone else just looks horribly wrong.

  • e jerry powell

    Yes, but if it's Esparza, we have to pick a boyfriend and a girlfriend for him!

  • Mitra

    Chuck Norris looks like a lesbian

  • e jerry powell

    Put him under the hood, working on the carburetor in my last Volvo, to complete the picture.

  • oilybohunk7

    My dad is a retired cop so you know he rocks a fabulous mustache and, when working the drug unit, a magnificent scuzzball beard. One day I came home at around 18-19 and he had shaved the stache. I had never seen him without the stache. I cried. I felt bad about making him feel bad but I couldn't control it.

  • Lillimae

    The only reason I don't want to see Weird Al without facial hair is because it makes me feel uncomfortable feelings "down there" about Weird Al.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    Up with the scruff!

  • Scorptilicus

    I don't know, some of those guys are pretty handsome. Even Offerman looks pretty good. Not as good as with that epic 'stache, but not terrible.

  • krbyjay

    Those duck dudes look like actual normal people. You may also include me in the "no like facial hair except for stubble" or a really close shaved beard, bunch. Anything longer than a CH is just yucky.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Why do I feel like I've just been molested?

  • Adrien

    Weird Al without the face hair looks like Ryan Gosling.

  • stella

    What about Joe Manganiello?

  • e jerry powell

    He was the one that was kind of driving this post, so...

  • I could take Seth Rogen either way, but I love him with scruff.

  • e jerry powell

    I didn't want to resort to this, but I have no choice.

  • Mrs. Julien

    a. FUCK.
    b. YOU.

  • e jerry powell

    You're welcome.

    KISSES.

  • Uriah_Creep

    Put it away!

  • Nadine

    Good news; I can sign in on the iPad!!! Bd news isi can't type for shit on the ipad.

    Also seriously, Galifinkais without his beard is just beautiful. He's gorgeous. Is something wrong with you people?

  • e jerry powell

    It's called being a bear, and I don't see it as a character flaw, particularly as it relates to (looking at) Zach Galifianakis.

    I have a full beard and I love a buffet. Moreover, I am likely to be hanging around the buffet with similarly full-bearded men (when we're not lying around watching Auntie Mame, The Women, or All About Eve). What's wrong with you, may I ask?

  • Nadine

    Damn it, didn't i reply to this?? I don't know why it doesn't show up! Maybe just I can't see it? Well in case it really didn't show up, (and if it did, sorry for the double post);

    I am not saying beards are bad and Galifinakis WITH beard is, frankly, hot.

    I just mean that in the context of the article seeming to suggest these men are less attractive without their mightly facial hair, Galifinakis is one whom without a beard seems to be just as hot but in a different way.

  • Nadine

    Oh, you misunderstand; a beard is fabulous. A bearded man is not unsexy and a bearded Galifinakis gives me happy thoughts. I simply mean in the context of this article, 'men you never want to see without beards', I am surprised to see him- with a beard he is handsome, rugged and looks like Ron Swansons outdoorsy brother.

    Without, he is still handsome, but in a different, perhaps prettier, but still manly way. Like a Harvard English professor who enjoys long hikes and punching wolves right in their faces.

  • Melanie

    LOUIS CK

  • Andrew

    God yes, Wilford Brimley.

    I was just reading this list, thinking to myself, "Where's Wilford, where's Wilford...?"

    And there he was.

    You know, it wasn't until the credits when I figured out it was him. And by figured out, I mean I read his name and said, "Holy shit, that was Wilford Brimley!"

  • emmalita

    This may be the first time in decades anyone under aged 80 has been this happy to see Wilford Brimley. I am making assumptions about your age.

  • Melanie

    LOUIS CK

  • pnnylne

    Idris without his facial hair is just so wrong. So wrong.

  • Walt Jr

    Weird Al looks like Hugh Grant. So glad beards are making a comeback. "Whatsa matter wif ya boy, why'd ya shave your beard? Was the weight of manhood too heavy for ya?"

  • julia

    NO TOM SELLECK NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING

  • e jerry powell

    IN & OUT! EXACTLY 15 YEARS, 11 MONTHS, AND 22 DAYS AGO!

    He does it for parts sometimes, y'know? Kind of like all the other people on this list (except Weird Al).

  • Ben

    Also isn't the weird al one more just him without his long curly hair? He's been clean shaven plenty?

  • Ben

    So chuck norris without his beard is... Tim Allen?

  • $65530708

    11. Louie CK (reminds me of a balder ginge Bradley Whitford)

    *Also Jon H Benjamin.

  • He looks like Thomas Lennon.

  • Lauren_Lauren

    Ahhh! AHHHH! It's just wrong!

  • Lisa Bee

    There's just something... *not right* about Tom Selleck without his facial hair.
    Especially in that picture. When I saw that, I had the same feeling in my gut as I did when that "actresses without teeth" thing was going around.

  • e jerry powell

    Well, I suspect that photo was from around the time of In & Out, and I also feel ooky about Kevin Kline without facial hair. Kline just spends more time without his.

  • SottoVoce

    Spot on comparison.

  • John W

    That is some freaky shit.

  • Kim

    What are you talking about?? I'm one for the beards, so I was ready to wholeheartedly get on board with this post- But then I saw it.... Not too bad!! Other than John Oates... but then again, I think he's creepy either way.

  • BuffyloGal

    I'm okay with Mantzoukas looking different because Rafi freaks me out at the best of times. What next? Seth Rogen with no sideburns? Shudder.

  • ZombieMrsSmith

    No one will ever convince me to like any form of facial hair on men, not even stubble. Crap, I think even Offerman looks cute without the mustache.

  • Uriah_Creep

    I'm sorry, Nick Offerman without a beard is a crime against nature.

  • e jerry powell

    I dunno. I suspect Mullally married Offerman while he was clean-shaven.

    But still, I'd work it out either way, somehow.

    Such a sweet little baby face. Mama knew what she was doing when she picked that one out for her very own. On the other hand, the facial hair makes it seem as though he's closer to her age rather than twelve years younger. (To be fair, this episode of "Will & Grace" was from 2001, and they didn't get married until 2003.)

  • Uriah_Creep

    On the other hand, the facial hair makes it seem as though he's closer to her age rather than twelve years younger.

    OK, I didn't know that. Mind. Blown.

  • e jerry powell

    Yup. Miss Megan is 54.

  • Uriah_Creep

    The lady has good genes.

  • e jerry powell

    It is duly noted.

    ;-)

  • emmalita

    I used to feel that way, and then I became single in my 30's and realized I was going to have to learn to love the facial hair if I wanted to continue dating men.

  • kinoumenthe

    I'm not adverse to the stubble, especially the patch on the chin that seems to push some kind of erotic trigger in me. Weird. Because I really hate facial hair usually.

  • malechai

    Or women, once they get past forty! Badump-bump! Tssss! (Sorry, I'm 43 and I recently developed a situation on my chin. It's laugh or never stop crying...)

  • emmalita

    There, there. Here's some tweezers, a bonbon and your drink of choice. It's going to be ok.

  • e jerry powell

    I would still be having the sexing with most of them. Sexing long enough to grow all the facial fur back out.

  • with_club_sauce

    I am rolling in the deep over that Jesse Tyler Ferguson picture.

  • Anne At Large

    I'm not going to say this post ruined my day, but...

  • Joe Grunenwald

    Sam Elliott without facial hair looks like Henry Ian Cusick.

  • Yup, I have to agree about Tom Sellick (spelling?)

  • **I AM** NotTheOne

    Sam Elliot without a mustache? I don't understand how the universe works any more.

  • QballK

    Chuck Norris looks like my aunt Wanda

  • e jerry powell

    Chuck Norris looks like EVERYONE'S aunt Wanda.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Chuck Norris is everyone's Aunt Wanda. Now let's travel back six years and bring back Chuck facts.

  • Robert

    Jesse Tyler Ferguson looks fine without facial hair. I saw Spelling Bee on Broadway enough to know that A) he should have been nominated and B) he looked just fine with nothing on his face. Now, he did look terrible with that (pictured) intentionally wild little kid with undiagnosed behavioral disorder hair, but that was a contractual choice. It was randomly spiked and matted around the time of that photo to play a very awkward child character as an adult.

  • Bananapanda

    Am I the only one who thinks Jesse Tyler Ferguson is a ridiculous child actor's name? I hate it. He should have dropped the three name thin when he graduated from the Disney/nickelodeon show I assume he started on. You're over 30, act it.

  • cheesy

    I always forget how much Weird Al looks like an even-eyed David Tennant without a beard.

  • Salieri2

    You know what, he looks like a perfectly reasonable human being. His hairstyle's a little tall for normalcy, but honestly he looks an awful lot like a less-skeevy Hugh Grant. One who bathes.

  • Nat

    Or a young Rob Brydon: http://www.imdb.com/media/rm15...

  • Kim Stephens

    Nope. Idris Elba's always hot.

  • PDamian

    Hot, yes, but ordinary. The goatee gives him a rakish air that just ups the hotness quotient to 11.

  • Kim Voeks

    Sheeeit. Idris could still get it if he shaved his pubes! And his legs!

  • e jerry powell

    EEEEEEW.

    How dare you even suggest it?

  • **I AM** NotTheOne

    Don't even try to lie. You know you still would.

  • e jerry powell

    If I wanted something that looked like it hadn't been through puberty, I'd willfully sterilize myself.

  • **I AM** NotTheOne

    You know you're wrong for that.

  • Guest

    But Weird Al hasn't had facial hair for years. It's mostly the shortness of his hair that's making him look strange in that picture.

  • Guest

    Correction. He GENERALLY goes clean-shaven now, but he does still grow it out on occasion.

  • Meh

    You know, not all of us are fans of the facial hair (especially the mustache). These pics (especially Weird Al, oh my God) made a lot of these guys cross the line from "talented" to "dayum".

    Have a feeling I'm in the minority on this one, though.

  • webelos8

    I'm also in the minority here. Galifinakis and Nick Offerman look.. stunning without all that stuff on their faces.

  • kinoumenthe

    The beard shall not pass ! And the moustache (especially the one of porn-persuasion) must be remanded to the deepest pits of the earth, where it will thrive in the darkness, feeding off grubs and other creatures weak and low… and hopefully not rise ever ever again.

  • e jerry powell

    Too bad for you!

  • Kim Voeks

    In the words of Michael Jackson, "You are not alone. I am here with you..."

  • emmalita

    Your words seem a bit, um, unreassuring.

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    I love me some beardless Mantzoukas. The beard thing - like fetch - just isn't going to happen, but I'd take him however I can get him since he's in my personal Top 10.

  • apsutter

    Awwww...Weird Al looks adorable in that picture

  • PDamian

    Agreed. He also looks younger, which makes me wonder when that photo was taken. Either way, an improvement.

  • apsutter

    That's definitely an old photo but he's still aging incredibly well but he still has that terrible long hair.

  • Gregory Allen

    It's from an old promo image. He did a "Weird Al Unplugged" skit where he late-'90d all over himself as a joke.

  • e jerry powell

    Very male-model Yankovic.

  • the chaplain

    eh, Mantzouks can still get it

  • Kala

    Gonna disagree with you on Galifianakis. He looks like a real gentleman in that picture, and if I didn't know who he was, I would think he's a nice-looking guy.

    In other news, I am alarmed and dismayed by that Chuck Norris photo.

  • e jerry powell

    Disagree all you want, you're still WRONG. Which is not to say that I would kick clean-shaven Zach out of bed...

  • SottoVoce

    But she's correct about Norris, I mean, Aunt Wanda.

  • Natallica

    Ditto, Galifianakis looks alarmingly dapper

  • emmalita

    I kind of like clean shaven Weird Al. The rest look wrong. Sam Elliott without the mustache is heretical. That image should be burned and replaced with this one:

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Even without that magnificent mustache, he's got the most magnificent voice. He can read the phone book to me and I'd have trouble breathing.

  • PDamian

    Sam Elliot in Tombstone, with the giant 'stache, but groomed and wearing his cowboy Sunday best ... I'm breathing fast just thinking about it.

  • **I AM** NotTheOne

    Thank you. That other thing never happened.

  • Mrs. Julien

    All photographs should be burned and replaced with that one.

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