Pajiba

yeah I really enjoyed this juicy post......... loving it ..............

ZERO men of color in this post! Only white men's bulges worth ogling? Where's the outrage, people? WHERE'S THE OUTRAGE?!?

*Fires up the Pookiesignal*

I for one am tired of being objectified for my gigantic dong; the catcalls, the inappropriate touching, the accidental pregnancies. I hope one day a woman will know my plight! I'm not just a piece of meat that happens to be attached to another piece of meat. I have feelings too dammit!

Oh, this reminds me: Harry Reams died.

"I'm out there and I'm LOVIN' every minute of it!"

That secund picture of Jon Hamm- damn! I repeat, damn!

Oh, so that why I never became an actor. I didn't have what it takes to be a leading man.
Someone needs to develop a cylindrical phone. F#%^ these thin flat ones.

Okay, I'll admit my ignorance. Who's that in the second picture, the guy wearing the AIG shirt?

A freeballing Hobbit.

Aha! Got it; thanks.

I would just like to make the point that Hamm really isn't all that. It looks impressive because he's NOT wearing any underwear, so it's shown in a way that is unusual for us. He really is normal, like most guys.

YOU. WISH.

Speaking of, I decided to open up my own business of dudes that call your house to wake you up when you want by asking you, "How they hanging?".

Because I'm free....freeballin.

Yeah, all right. Feeling rather bicurious at the moment. Well done, Pajiba?

How is John Ritter not on this list?

Ok, I was going to ask how Duchovny is not on this list. Clearly no one on the XFiles ever told him to contain himself.

I am having the time of my LIFE imagining Dustin just googling "Celebrity Bulges" for like three hours.

"IT IS RESEARCH. FOR WORK. GOD."

I heard that in Sterling Archer's voice, and I'm all the more pleased for it.

HEEE. PENIS.

Figgy strikes to the hidden meaning of Pajiba's articles.

Funny, I've clicked on this three times, and I still don't regret it. Best piece of reporting I've seen all day. Pun intended.

Does this make anyone else hate Jon Hamm that much more? Rich, handsome, famous, funny, and a big dick? That just doesn't seem fair.

Quite the contrary...

Christ, I'm glad I don't have strangers taking pictures of me all day.

... do tell.

Maybe I'm missing something, but I can't see RPattz's. Am I looking in the wrong place?

Every place is the wrong place on SparkleVamp.

Talk about disco balls.

What? Too much?

Nope, just enough.

The insert with the close up of Gyllenhaal's dangle gave me a fit of the giggles.

And it still wasn't close enough, poor little guy.

Huh. So McConaughey is circumcised. Did not know that.

More importantly (not really), is it normal for it to hang kinda down and to one side like that? I mean, my experience is that these things are generally centered, up and out. At least that's how I would choose to accessorize had I been afforded a set. Or is it like one of those optical illusion things that seems to move when you stare at it? Does it pick the side or does the owner accommodate based on whether he's a lefty/righty? Fascinating, this excess appendage thing.

Mostly it depends on where your balls allow your wang to hang. It's pretty much determined before you even think that it could be a choice. Unless the dude tucks it up, in which case you're probably dealing with a serial killer because who else is crazy enough to fully expose the testes like that?

For decades, nay centuries, tailors have asked the gentleman, "Do you dress left or right?" It does not have a gyro. It does not center itself.

Also, if you can tell the man's religion, his pants are too thin.

"It does not have a gyro"
From freeballing to Souvlaki, Pajibans has got it covered.

There is no such thing. I grew up in the Panhandle, and I'm quite accustomed to determining religious affiliatons through skin-tight Wranglers.

"Gravity is a harsh mistress." - The Tick

It's from a different context, yet every bit as pertinent here.

I love staring at junk. It brightens my whole day.

Not as much as sweatyhappygropeytime, but still...

This makes me completely shallow, but my day has totally been made. Thanks, Pajiba.

I wish I'd had the mental preparedness to record the sound effects and exclamations of "WHOA," "ew" (I'm looking at you, Labeouf), and "BLAMO!!!" that ensued while I scrolled.

The "foresight," if you will. OMG I'm delivering bad dirty puns. I need a break from you, computer.

I feel . . . . uncomfortable.

Move it to the left.

Isn't it uncomfortable to walk around with your wang flapping about? I mean, at home, nude, maybe not so much, but isn't there, like, chafing? Not having a penis, I have to ask.

Isn't it the same as with women's breasts though? The less you give the whole sack support, the further down to your knees it hangs as you age?

Like that old guy in the Hangover. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

No.

It would probably depend on the type of pants. I'm not sure how Hamm is doing it in jeans. The rest of the pants above seem like they wouldn't be too much of a chafe risk. This is why boxers are great. They give flapping freedom (which probably isn't uncomfortable unless your huge) with minimal chafe risk.

For me, it depends on the pants. Gym shorts? No problem. Jeans? I'm thinking twice. I'd rather not have a zipper that close to my unprotected potty parts.

Ok, thanks to everyone for this feedback. I may already regret asking, but I did ask, so ... now I know.

The More You Know*

Jeans are no problem. Just not freshly purchased/freshly laundered jeans. There is no fear from the zipper...

C'mon baby, don't fear the zipper
(Baby take my hand)
Don't fear the zipper
(Don't get caught in the fly)
Don't fear the zipper
(Baby I'm your maaaaaaaaaaan ...)

Jeans can pinch something fierce though. I do not understand how Hamm can sit down in those jeans without risking serious injury.

Oh, back in the day...

The boys were all using wire brushes to age the crotches of their jeans to make sure all the attention went directly to the important parts.

"I don't know how you guys walk around with those things." - Elaine

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

This is the very first thing I thought of as I looked at this post.
Wait, maybe there is something wrong with me....

The first thing I thought when I got to the wet-pants shot was "I WAS IN THE POOL! I WAS IN THE POOL!"

... I watch too much "Seinfeld," obviously.

There is no such thing as too much Seinfeld.

"There's nothing between him and us but a thin layer of gabardine."

Gosh i'm sure glad that Pajiba isn't the kind of site that objectifies people.

Objectifying people is, by definition, turning people into objects that do not act, they are acted upon. This is not objectifying because John and his Hamm are free, nay, encouraged to act. Hopefully upon me. And often.

Oh, hells yeah.

Matthew McConag-OH HEY.

I was enjoying this post and then BAM! I'm looking at Shia Lebouf's penis!

That's not Lepouf's peen. That's a frontal wedgie caused by Alec Baldwin's villain tweeting.

I immediately flash-backed to last year's Sigur Ros video that features Labeouf completely in the nude. So many mixed emotions.

Is "vomit" an emotion?

It is when it comes to LeBleh.

Shia is one of the few male celebrities whose penis I don't want to see. There's something so smug and douchey about the guy, it kills my penis interest.

Penitrest?

The one of Taylor Lautner is hilarious. It looks like it's either fake or staged. And if it's staged...that's an interesting life choice, son.

The wood has wood?

No no wait-The block has tackle.

Ah, and the male equivalent to nip slips/upskirts has been posted. Achievement unlocked, Pajiba.

Somewhere out there, Henry Rollins is smiling.

And I'm smiling back because I loff him.

Nooooooooo... let the Hammaconda be free!

All. I see. Is pork swords.

How squinchy do I feel that I just scrolled thru a bunch of celeb bulge shots. Fuck. Pretty fuckin squinchy.

I found myself laughing and laughing and laughing some more. These pictures are so funny to me...I have no idea why...

I TOLD YOU.

"How's it hangin'?"
"Long and to the left."