Pajiba

Money Pit. I can't help it. Tom Hanks in the hole in the floor singing the Name Game: "Let's try... Brad! Brad brad bo bad...."

I would have to go with 1943's Thank Your Lucky Stars. It's everything annoying (pointless singing and dancing, no plot, thin characters, crazy patriotism, etc.) about WWII-era musicals... multiplied. But that's what makes it so endearing, in my book - it's so far over-the-top and has so many cameos (including Bogie) and is so senseless and shiny-bright-happy that it trancends the musical to become some kind of crazy old-school Hollywood love fest.

*Drive Me Crazy (the teenybooper movie with Melissa Joan Hart). Whenever it is on, I can't turn it off.
*Back to the Beach with Frankie Avalon and Annette. My cousins and I can quote that movie by heart.
*Girls Just Want to Have Fun
*Teen Witch

Ok. *deep breath* My guilty pleasure that is truly guilty is the piece of crap movie Aspen Extreme. It's basically the movie Cocktail on skis and without Crazy Cruise. ***Spoiler*** (although I doubt anyone will care about a bad movie from 1993), when T.J dies...I cried. It was the first movie I ever cried at. I ask myself why all the time. My parents took me to thousands of movies, most of them great movies, but what touched my cold, cold heart the most was seeing Peter Berg dying. If this testimonial doesn't win me a t-shirt, I don't know what does.

Pump Up The Volume.
So cheesy.
Whatever, it's my cheese.

The Godfather

Howard The Duck. That's right. I even had a copy on goddamn Betamax. I watched that movie over and over and over (it was only beaten by Neverending Story as most overplayed). I loved that fucking duck. I loved Lea Thompson in that horrendous hair. I loved the crappy music. I loved the cart with the frickin' laser cannon strapped to the top of it. I loved the sick, SICK I SAY, bestiality performed by the main characters, but only because when I first saw it, I did not know humans were not supposed to have sex with anthropomorphic ducks.

And if any of my family would tell me where that tape is, I would watch it again in a heartbeat.

My secret shame came at the cost of my dignity, mostly because my friends saw me coming out of the movie when I left the college second run theatre that it was in. During college, I was starting to slide into a seriously depressed state, with the stress of midterms, a recently ended relationship, strained parental relationship, and the fact that I hadn't found a job to replace the job I started college with, but ended about midway through that year. I was heartbroken and feeling super low. So what did I see when I was wandering out of a bar and past a theater. A little flick called "Crossroads". Being drunk, and having a shameful love of the crappy music of one Britney Spears, I shelled out the 9 bucks and saw it. And I left the theatre, feeling so much better about life, not just because there was a formulaic story and Zoe Saldana (with the bonus of Taryn Manning playing a white girl, which I still maintain is novel, and Anson Mount looking dreamy), but because I knew that I didn't make the movie, so I didn't have to bear the weight of that on my soul for all eternity. So I was feeling stressed again about the end of term (though I had found a job by that point again), and saw that it was in the second run, so I (this time sober) went on down and took the flick in again. I left with exactly the same feeling for exactly the same reasons, though my friends saw it happen and I had to explain the whole situation to them in order to keep them in lives. Now, I have a copy of it that I keep for those times when I feel depressed or overworked, because as far as I'm concerned, the only thing I need to feel better is "Crossroads".

God, I'm ashamed for me for being able to defend it.

Bonus fact: We have Shonda Rhimes of "Grey's Anatomy" fame to thank for this film.

ok, some of these may be shameful, others might not, i dunno.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit: I wanted to be Jessica Rabbit! Big, red, and bouncy.

Mean Girls: no comment.

Conan The Barbarian: this is my ABSOLUTE favorite shameful movie. in fact, it is in my top 5 favorites, period. My reason: Arnold punches a camel out, not once, but TWICE! :) camel punching gets me every time.

The Craft and

Universal Soldier

Sorority Boys. I know, it's awful, and the disguises aren't at all convincing. But Michael Rosenbaum's performance is hysterical and I crack up every time I watch it.

Off-topic I know, but a TV show I consider a huge guilty pleasure: Degrassi: The Next Generation. I want to hate that show so badly, but whenever I watch it, I'm laughing so hard I could pass out, yet I remain shamefully engrossed in the plot.

Second whoever says Teen Witch. Glorious 80's goodness. When she's strolling down the street as the popular girl w/ all the guys trailing her (rapping the theme song no less), I just wanna cheer.

The Mummy I and II--I actually hated the first one the first time I saw it on TNT, but now I find myself watching both films from start to finish whenever they're on TV. Which seems to be just about every other weekend.

Well, depending on your point of view, this may be a highly appropriate/inappropriate choice given a previous Pajiba posting, but I love Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit. Love it. When it first came out on VHS, my sister and cousins and I would repeatedly rewind to watch and re-watch the ending musical number, with Lauryn Hill in all her baggy-yellow-pants glory. We would sing and dance along with Lauryn and her classmates, and desperately wish that we were inner-city school kids with attitude, baggy pants, crocheted hats, and hair extensions. It's on TBS fairly frequently now and I make my poor boyfriend suffer through it every time. *Bows head in shame*

By the way, Stacey - Nothing but Trouble?! For shame!!! That film scarred me in my youth. I actually feel a little nauseous thinking about it.

I liked Last Action Hero! Don't hate on Austin.

Damn you megbon. Not only did you steal my movie but also my justifying scene. Perhaps it's really not all that shameful?

Just about any old musical keeps me glued to the t.v., but I think my absolute guiltiest pleasure is "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers." It's a true guilty pleasure; I feel deep shame admitting it and will only tell people I like it in situations like this, where I know I'll never see anyone here in person. I'm a feminist, after all, and actually cringe when the brothers go and steal the women away from town...egads!

But I love, love, love this movie because of the dancing! The singing is spotty; some of the performers are weaker than others. But the dancing...oh, the dancing. I'm not just talking about the Russ Tamblyn jumping-over-the-ax-handle scene. Nearly every dance scene is stunning, particularly when the Pontipee brothers are swinging the axes and singing about being "lonely ol' pole cats" and so on. They're gorgeous, graceful, so, so talented.

Oh, my. There's some bad entries in y'all's list. "First Knight"? Really? I guess I can't throw stones, though, because my secret love - and shame - is...

...Xanadu.

Xan-a-doooooooooo

Xan-a-du-oooooooooooooooooo

(Now we are here)

Oh, my god, is it bad. The dialogue might have been computer generated, or put together with those little magnet-poetry things, for all I know. The character all speak in ridiculous cliches, strung together sloppily as if by someone who only knew English from a phrasebook and a dictionary and had never actually met a native speaker of the language. That the actors could deliver the lines without laughing or weeping is a testament to their acting skills. And the plot that this dialogue serves is not really much better - calling it formulaic would be a insult to forumlae.

But still, I can't resist it's sappy, earnest charm and upbeat (though inane) theme. I mean, really, Olivia Newton John is simply adorable - I'd gladly suffer through a film ten times worse just to see that smile. The music is sweet and fun (fuck you guys, I LIKE disco), and there are actually a few sequences that show a glimmer of inspiration. The dance sequence with ONJ and Gene Kelly (Gene holyfuckingshit Kelly!) is just lovely, and the scene where the old-time swingers and new-wave punkers come together is almost - ALMOST - brilliant. (The director DID go on to do some pretty decent shit, later... much later)

I first saw this movie on HBO, shortly after it was in theaters, and I fell head-over-heels in love with Olivia Newton-John at the time. I'm still crushing on her, twenty years and change later. She's so sincere, or at least she fakes it convincingly, and everytime she's on screen I want to grin. The movie is crap, and the "give it all up for love" storyline is trite and tired, but ONJ sells it as well as anyone can with her guileless charm, and really - who wouldn't want a Xanadu of his very own? Roller disco, maybe not, but a place to make one's dreams come true? We should all be so lucky... even if it IS ELO that provides the music.

Okay, okay since you have shared your secret shames I'll share mine: Howard the Duck
A man sized duck with an attitude? What's not to love???

Ranylt! I watched SWTE last night ALONE and was ashamed...and yet I still watched until that moment when Laura realizes that her cupboard is all creepy organized again and Mr. Wifebeater reappears.

My secret shame: I own and love You've Got Mail.

Yes it pairs Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan yet AGAIN, and yes the film is not only one huge product placement for the asstastic AOL but also one that relies on the audience's fondness for Sleepless in Seattle to accept its treacley script. I DON'T CARE. I love Steve Zahn's militant salesman, I love the chemistry in the bookstore scenes featuring Ryan, Jean Stapleton, and Heather Burns, I love how their stupid god damned emails remind me of an internet crush I once had, and I love the improbable and unrealistic way that the main characters suddenly fall in love. I can't explain it. Tom Hanks has such an everyman charm, even here with Nora (motherfucking) Ephron at the helm he displays such a knack for comedic timing. And my god, how I COVET that bookstore.

Shannon: Seven Brides is one of my favorite movies ever. I love the Michael Kidd choreography during the barn raising scene :)

Apparently I took way too long to post and Vermillion beat me to the shame that is Howard the Duck.
PS Vermillion, I just looked...it's not available on dvd...yet.

Elmopalooza? There is no shame in Elmo. Elmo is all to the good. Jon Stewart? That's just a bonus.

It's a good thing I use a pseudonym here, because I am going to admit that I went through a major phase with the band Live. And I used to cry to the song Dance with You. Even then, I knew they were awful, but I loved them. I am not proud. (Except perhaps of my deep and abiding love for Elmo.)

I went to my dvd collection and pulled the first three embarrasments that I saw:

1) Evolution -- David Duchovny and Julianne Moore. For some reason, I thought this movie was hilarious. Even though D.Duch was just playing Fox Mulder, but Fox Mulder with funnier lines and he was still cute, sexy and Fox Mulder. Did I mention that I like Fox Mulder?

2)The Man With Two Brains -- Steve Martin
"In to the mud, scum-queen!" My daughters get really mad when I say that to them. And **spoiler** Merv Griffin was the best.

3)Bedazzled -- Brendan Fraser & Liz Hurley
I love it when he starts speaking spanish. Cracks me up! Hey--according to the box The NY Times says "Outrageous Fun!"

I just realized I bought all of these in the $5.00 bin at Wal-mart.

Now I have my tv viewing lined up for the weekend. Thanks Pajiba!

Wow. I feel like I'm being transported back to my Catholic high school days with all of this confessin' going on. So...while we're at it, here's mine:

1) This horrible, horrible, (horribly AWESOME) made-for-TV movie that's a few years old called "Friends 'Til the End" with Shannen Doherty and Jeremy (or Jason?) London. They show re-runs of it on VH1, but I saw it during its premiere, and every damn time it's on, I have to stop everything and watch it. I don't even know why I have to watch it, but seriously, I just fucking HAVE to. Basically it's about this college student (Shanen Doherty) who has a grunge-ish band (must have been all of that aggression she built up from being Brenda Walsh...or something like that), a perfect family, sweet sorority sisters, a hot boyfriend--basically something that looks like a perfect life. All of a sudden this blonde chick named Zanne seemingly comes out of nowhere and is intent on destroying her life. She steals her boyfriend, her band, her room at the sorority house, and just starts acting awesomely psycho and jealous in general. What makes it even awesomer is the fact that 1) we get to see Brenda's bitchy side, which is always great, since y'all know she wasn't really an "actress" to begin with, 2) there are actual original songs and a music video in the movie, which are sooooo bad 90s-ish and craptastic (sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5PM7cae49Y), and 3) the awesome dialogue-"YOU CAN'T WIN!" "YOU CAN'T STOP ME!"-is friggin' priceless. Good campy fun for anyone who has ever had psychos invade their own lives (yes, I speak from experience), or just for anyone who has wondered why certain people attract certain psychos into their own lives (my boyfriend speaks from experience on that one).

Center Stage. Saw this in theaters with my best friend, who I usually blame for exposing me to bad chick flicks. It was the two of us (high school seniors), surrounded by tweenagers. I was embarrassed going in, but now admit that I've seen it about a half dozen times. I still contend that the lamest of films is instantly made watchable with the incorporation of sports, dancing, or music. Now I secretly wish I were a dancer, if only to star in a rock-ballet featuring motorcycles and MJ's "The Way You Make Me Feel."

Ok, I admit it. I am addicted to Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. Despite a lifelong distaste for talking animals, I cannot resist an episode. I fell in love with Melissa Joan Hart back in her Clarissa Explains It All days, and I've watched everything she's done since, including the horrific Drive Me Crazy (which I still loved, and watch every time its on, despite realizing just how bad it really is) and the Sabrina made for TV movie. Of all the MJH vehicles I've watched, though, Sabrina is still my favorite. She's sassy, she's spunky, and darn it, her perkiness is downright comforting. Add to that a cast that includes Soleil Moon Frye (the former Punky Brewster) and Elisa Donovan (Amber, from Clueless), and this show is a nostalgic dream! Its lightweight fun that doesn't take itself too seriously and never strayed from the formula that made it great, which is more than I can say for most other shows out there.

The Cutting Edge. I own it. I love it. I watch it even when it airs on T.V. ABC Family usually.

Wow. I feel like I'm being transported back to my Catholic high school days with all of this confessin' going on. So...while we're at it, here's mine:

1) This horrible, horrible, (horribly AWESOME) made-for-TV movie that's a few years old called "Friends 'Til the End" with Shannen Doherty and Jeremy (or Jason?) London. They show re-runs of it on VH1, but I saw it during its premiere, and every damn time it's on, I have to stop everything and watch it. I don't even know why I have to watch it, but seriously, I just fucking HAVE to. Basically it's about this college student (Shanen Doherty) who has a grunge-ish band (must have been all of that aggression she built up from being Brenda Walsh...or something like that), a perfect family, sweet sorority sisters, a hot boyfriend--basically something that looks like a perfect life. All of a sudden this blonde chick named Zanne seemingly comes out of nowhere and is intent on destroying her life. She steals her boyfriend, her band, her room at the sorority house, and just starts acting awesomely psycho and jealous in general. What makes it even awesomer is the fact that 1) we get to see Brenda's bitchy side, which is always great, since y'all know she wasn't really an "actress" to begin with, 2) there are actual original songs and a music video in the movie, which are sooooo bad 90s-ish and craptastic (sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5PM7cae49Y) and 3) the awesome dialogue-"YOU CAN'T WIN!" "YOU CAN'T STOP ME!"-is friggin' priceless. Good campy fun for anyone who has ever had psychos invade their own lives (yes, I speak from experience), or just for anyone who has wondered why certain people attract certain psychos into their own lives (my boyfriend speaks from experience on that one).

Oh Julie, I sat in front of that my parent's TV when 7 Brides for 7 Brothers was on some network channel with my boom box and recorded all of the songs so I could learn them all. Benjamin was my main man and I wanted to be Dorcas even though her name was... Dorcas. "Which of the boys slept in this bed, do you suppose?" I've got that damn "Spring" song stuck in my head now:

BENJAMIN:
All the hen-folk are hatchin'
While their men-folk are scrathin'
To ensure the survival of each brand new arrival.
DORCAS:
Each nest is twitterin',
They're all baby-sitterin',
Spring, Spring, Spring.

Quality lyrics.
Man, I have a lot to be ashamed of! Before Julie posted, I was thinking of my unnatural love for Universal Soldier. Jean-Claude playing a dead yet revived soldier- a role fitting his acting abilities- He-Man's over the top villainy (oh! the ear necklace! horrors!) Ally Walker's smoke-gravel voice. I love that flick.

I was subjected to a LOT of very disturbing made-for-children movies when I was young. The worst were Pinocchio in Outer Space, The Point, Return to Oz, The Last Unicorn,and The Elm Chanted Forest. Being raised on these had a serious effect on my adoration for horrible movies. But the most shameful?

Rainbow Bright and the Star Stealer. I still watch that shit.

I love, own and frequently quote from The Adventures of Ford Fairlane. In fact, I knew my current boyfriend was The One when I realized that he felt the exact same way. We watch it late at night and cackle like morons. People just don't understand that Dice's sexist-pig routine is just an act... a wildly hysterical act. And I'm a woman, for God's sake.

Favorite line: "Clint Eastwood... I fucked him."

I don't know if these count or not, but this being Pajiba, it's gotta be worth something to admit it in the comments section:

Star Wars Episode I: the Phantom Menace
Star wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Clones is, especially, a guilty pleasure for me because I can tell the movie is, technically, a mess. While the script is actually an improvement over episode 1, the editing and film scoring (I'm a composer, so I notice the latter one more than I'm supposed to) are atrocious and downright lazy. Then there's the stinted dialogue in the love story with absolutely no chemistry between the leads...yet I can't stop watching! I love this movie.

Same goes for Phantom Menace, which is much more maligned but which, I think, is ultimately a better movie (see above). Jar-Jar Binks and the lack of dramatic tension inherent in the nature of prequels notwithstanding, I have a lot of fun watching this movie and will voluntarily pop it into the DVD player from time to time.

There, I said it. Can I have a prize now?

Sorry, Shannon posted first. I'll give credit where it's due!

Oh, god. The Crush. Shameful, shameful... I can't even defend it. All I can say is that when I was in my early teens and it was on, I watched it with the remote in hand, ready to switch to the Disney Channel or something equally parent-approved. I love The Crush because I knew right away that it was the sort of unwholesome thing that my mother would NEVER let me watch.

I'm a gay male, which may explain a lot more about these picks than I can, but here I try anyway (but first, Mean Girls I don't think qualifies... isn't it generally agreed that the movie is kind of good?):

You've Got Mail - At its base level, I know I should kind of hate this movie on principal, just because it's a) Nora Ephron b) a romantic comedy starring Meg Ryan that isn't When Harry Met Sally... and c) it's Nora Ephron. But something about it all just sort of works together so that it's compulsively watchable and inoffensive. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are kind of cute together, it's got some touching moments (when Meg looks back on the empty store to see herself dancing with her mom - who doesn't find that sad?!), and they threw in Parker Posey, so they get some good-will points right there. Ultimately, it's perfect at being a bad romantic comedy, and I adore it for that.

Bring it On - I can't remember if there's an exclamation point in the title, and maybe the fact that there might in fact be one is evidence enough of why this is a bad film. But oh how I enjoy it so. I feel completely dirty and unworthy of, well, basically, living after watching it, but it's kind of hilarious, intentionally and not.

Oh, I've got to be a shoo-in winner for this one:
"The Quiet Man" with Maureen O'Hara and John Wayne.
To us real Irish people, this film is downright racist. It's badly acted (did I mention John Wayne stars?), it has a preposterous plot, it sends the message that what a woman really wants is a strong man to slap her into submission. The colours are garish (who knew that beautiful rural Ireland needed to be made greener through Technicolor?), all the characters are one-dimensional. And yet, every St. Patricks' Day, AMC pops it up on the screen and down I sit, horrified but unable to turn away.

By the way, I want Julia Robert's porch house in Iowa also: I will watch that film just to see that house.

*cringe*

OK, I'll admit that I completely love...The Prince & Me. Dubious title grammar, Danish princes with English accents, completely pseudo-feminist plot, balmy Wisconsin Thanksgiving and all. I've almost bought it on DVD about six times, but I just can't take the shame. However...I do have to rent it or Netflix it every couple of months and just enjoy the hell out of it. It's not even the best regular-girl-almost-maybe-becomes-princess movie out there, but...LOVE! Tractor racing (that sounds suspiciously close to what Dustin mentioned in Son in Law, actually)! Shakespeare in the laundry! Beer-spraying! Flirtation over the meat slicer! And...makeover into a not really beautiful dress! Still, the highlights have to be Miranda Richardson (oddly enough, one of the only non-American characters in the movie not sporting a British accent) as a deliciously ball-slicing Danish queen, and the scene towards the beginning when Eddie watches Paige clear tables and dance barefoot to "I Hope I Don't Fall in Love With You," and I go all gooey. Right, I'm blaming Tom Waits.

Julie, You've Got Mail was a close runner-up in my internal shame contest. I have it on VHS, and have watched it too many times. I particularly love how she just sort of randomly decides to forgive him for putting her out of business -- really, he did her a favor!

I think you might mean interned as in confined instead of interred which means buried.

My secret shame is Cat People. It has the writer of Taxi Driver, Paul Schrader, doing his best Verhoeven impression even before Verhoeven had fully fleshed it out with the gems that were Starship Troopers and Showgirls. Throw in some fake, weird Indo-European theology with human sacrifice, set it in the glamorously dissolute New Orleans of a quarter century ago and it becomes a lush fever dream of a movie. Extensive gratuitous nudity and sexuality seals the deal.

Wow. I feel like I'm being transported back to my Catholic high school days with all of this confessin' going on. So...while we're at it, here's mine:

1) This horrible, horrible, (horribly AWESOME) made-for-TV movie that's a few years old called "Friends 'Til the End" with Shannen Doherty and Jeremy (or Jason?) London. They show re-runs of it on VH1, but I saw it during its premiere, and every damn time it's on, I have to stop everything and watch it. I don't even know why I have to watch it, but seriously, I just fucking HAVE to. Basically it's about this college student (Shanen Doherty) who has a grunge-ish band (must have been all of that aggression she built up from being Brenda Walsh...or something like that), a perfect family, sweet sorority sisters, a hot boyfriend--basically something that looks like a perfect life. All of a sudden this blonde chick named Zanne seemingly comes out of nowhere and is intent on destroying her life. She steals her boyfriend, her band, her room at the sorority house, and just starts acting awesomely psycho and jealous in general. What makes it even awesomer is the fact that 1) we get to see Brenda's bitchy side, which is always great, since y'all know she wasn't really an "actress" to begin with, 2) there are actual original songs and a music video in the movie, which are sooooo bad 90s-ish and craptastic, and 3) the awesome dialogue-"YOU CAN'T WIN!" "YOU CAN'T STOP ME!"-is friggin' priceless. Good campy fun for anyone who has ever had psychos invade their own lives (yes, I speak from experience), or just for anyone who has wondered why certain people attract certain psychos into their own lives (my boyfriend speaks from experience on that one).

Going back to my corner now...

What a concept: movies that I'm embarrased to love.

Goodbye Lover, because Patricia Arquette rocks the high heels and The Sound of Music. Really.

Take The Lead, because of my boy-crush on Antonio Banderas.

Major League. I watched it a lot when I was younger because my dad was a huge baseball fan and we lived in northeastern Ohio - therefore, it was practically required that we kids know and love a movie about the Cleveland Indians winning for once. Although I grew up to watch more independent film than baseball, I still love this movie. It really does remind me of the underdog spirit on which Cleveland prides itself. And, at the end, Corbin Bernsen sucker-punches Charlie Sheen. Quality entertainment all around.

My best friend's favorite secret shame movie is also Sleeping with the Enemy! She maintains that there's something "comforting" about it (we have a big thing about movies that that somehow have a comforting, homey feel regardless of the quality or subject matter. It's an indescribable feel, really). And now, because we live far apart and it reminds me of her, I also find it comforting. Anyway, I have a couple of similar choices. I think to qualify they shouldn't be movies that we have just seen in passing and liked but rather movies that we constantly turn to as favorites even though we know most people would think they're terrible.

Big Girls Don't Cry...They Get Even). Starring a lot of "hey, it's that guy(s)" and Griffin Dunne. I have loved this movie ever since the mid 90's when they seemed to play it on TBS every other week. No matter what, if it was on, I always had to watch it all the way through. And usually teared up at the end. Then, just this year, my local video store started selling all their VHS tapes for $3 each and I totally bought it and watched it the second I got home. Maybe it was that I related to the dysfunctional step-family scenario. Maybe it's because I thought Dan Futterman (later to play Charlotte's is-he-or-isn't-he-gay friend on Sex and the City) was adorable. But I will always love that movie and find it very comforting. When people see it in my collection, they're always like, "what the hell is this movie?"

I also love The Cutting Edge and Titanic, and will watch them both all the way through whenever they're on t.v. Another one that I can't help but watch is Vertical Limit, also starring Moira Kelly. Maybe it's her?

And hey, there is no shame in loving Money Pit! "Ah. Home crap home."

But wait there's more...

I am a straight woman and a feminist, but I will watch The Girls Next Door if it is on and I am alone (even my husband refuses to watch it). I spend a lot of time trying to figure out the contracts that Hef clearly has had these women sign. And how it is that grown women talk like a Disney movie stereotype of 12 year old girls. And if maybe it is just an act. And looking for justifications as to why I can't look away.

OK - I give credit to Julie for You've Got Mail... I think she posted while I was in the midst of writing mine, so... well, at least it's good to know I'm not alone. ;)

I'll also add Coyote Ugly to the list. It's a god-awful film and there's really nothing I can defend about it. It's just entertaining because of its badness.

Also, this is probably the most embarrassing one: but there's something hypnotic about Dragon Tales. It's a kid's show on PBS, for the uninitiated. Something about it draws you in and... well, I don't know. But I've seen more complete episodes of that show than I care to try and count.

"The Worst Witch"

It came out in the 80's. I think it was Fairuza Balk's first movie. It came on HBO right before Halloween every year. And I watched it every year. I found it on Amazon recently and ordered it. It's so past bad it's awesome. Tim Curry flying around as the Grand Wizard is worth the price of addmission.

HA!!! Lillianna, Benjamin is fucking HOT. I made my former roommate watch Seven Brides about 2 months ago, and the only reaction she had other than glaring hatefully at me was to note how hot the non-dancing brother was. I've got a thing for Frank as well...he's such an acrobat when he gallups across the stage.

Steppin' Out, featuring Ms Liza Minelli and lots of tap dancing. Tap Dancing! Like with feet! The
cast is an amazing collection of pros, including a crotchety Shelly Winters, pre-Ally McBeal (and sweet as pie) Jane Krakowski and the incomparable Bill Irwin, not to mention Ellen Greene. The plot features a bad boyfriend, body image issues, incest, and did I mention the tap dancing? The glittering finale plays like a tribute from Liza to her mother's glory days at MGM - music, lights and impossible costume changes combine to create a world in which we can fully believe that taking dance classes from a washed up never-was can make our lives better. I buy into it EVERY time.

Backstory - When my sister and I were young and couldn't decide which movie to watch after school, we'd force Stepping Out upon ourselves. Like the best of guilty pleasures, it started out as torture and then grew on me.

p.s. This is my first pajiba comment. I've been a silent reader for years, but Stepping Out has been a secret for too long.

I have three:

The Cutting Edge: This is my dad's influence. My dad flipping LOVES THIS MOVIE. I cannot capitalize his love enough. And I share his love, it's true. It's corny and annoying and formulaic, but I can't resist the musical montage of them training together, the adorableness of DB Sweeney klutzing around in figure skates (toe pick!), or the bitchiness of Moira Kelly (right? Is that her name?) slowly melting away to reveal her love of the big dopey hockey player. And the kiss at the end, as he's holding her in his arms at the very end of their performance? GENIUS way to end it, the story needs no further embellishment.

Three Ninjas: People, nothing could be more embarassing. It all started back in 1995 when I was babysitting pretty regularly for the rugrats down the street. They rented the movie one night and I thought it was just as awesome as they did. I can't explain it, maybe it was their infectious adoration of the boys their age with ninja moves, but I enjoyed the hell out of the movie. The last time I saw it was a couple of years ago, playing on a movie channel at my parents' house. I watched the entire thing beginning to end, and although I was sort of horrified myself for really liking something so...well...bad....I realized that at this point my fondness for the movie is more of a fondness for the period of time it brings me back to - my lazy, worry-free teenage years.

Get Over It: I'm not sure this counts as a secret shame, I know other people who like it, but I LOVED it. LOVED IT. Know every line, love the wardrobe, the props, the actors, the story, the music. I have no way to explain it, I think it's an adorable story and I love that the characters seem to live in a little bubble, sheltered from the dark, evil real world. Shameful perfection :)

"Date with an Angel" barely eeks out "Mannequin" in the 'fuck you I like it' poll, and it's not even a movie, it's an HBO made-for-tv "movie" that I used to rent out of a skanky indie rental store in the middle-of-nowhere.

Emmanuel Beart (I haven't seen this "movie" in over a decade and I think I've got her name right, still) as an angel who gets winged by a satelite (how the hell does that even work?) and ends up falling in some guy's pool, just as he's about to wed a Demi-Moore-look-alike-daddy's-girl-insane-hell-bitch.

Wacky Hijinx ensue. The angel develops a taste for french fries. The guy's boozer friends (who look like they rolled in 1985 for a couple of months before shooting) steal the angel. She has a nude scene in a beautiful forest glen with appropriate addition of cute and cuddly forest wildlife.

I love the sweet and gentle musician protagonist. I love the music. I still love "Higher Love" because they used it there. The damn movie still has one of my favorite jokes and the wings look pretty good for being pre-CGI.

I think that enjoying this "movie" possibly counts as a brain injury, and yet I am proudly defiant in being like, maybe one of five people who actually remembers it.

I look for copies on ebay sometimes, and then I weep bitter bitter tears of shame, flagllating myself with a copy of Memento.

I have three:

The Cutting Edge: This is my dad's influence. My dad flipping LOVES THIS MOVIE. I cannot capitalize his love enough. And I share his love, it's true. It's corny and annoying and formulaic, but I can't resist the musical montage of them training together, the adorableness of DB Sweeney klutzing around in figure skates (toe pick!), or the bitchiness of Moira Kelly (right? Is that her name?) slowly melting away to reveal her love of the big dopey hockey player. And the kiss at the end, as he's holding her in his arms at the very end of their performance? GENIUS way to end it, the story needs no further embellishment.

Three Ninjas: People, nothing could be more embarassing. It all started back in 1995 when I was babysitting pretty regularly for the rugrats down the street. They rented the movie one night and I thought it was just as awesome as they did. I can't explain it, maybe it was their infectious adoration of the boys their age with ninja moves, but I enjoyed the hell out of the movie. The last time I saw it was a couple of years ago, playing on a movie channel at my parents' house. I watched the entire thing beginning to end, and although I was sort of horrified myself for really liking something so...well...bad....I realized that at this point my fondness for the movie is more of a fondness for the period of time it brings me back to - my lazy, worry-free teenage years.

Get Over It: I'm not sure this counts as a secret shame, I know other people who like it, but I LOVED it. LOVED IT. Know every line, love the wardrobe, the props, the actors, the story, the music. I have no way to explain it, I think it's an adorable story and I love that the characters seem to live in a little bubble, sheltered from the dark, evil real world. Shameful perfection :)

second "the cutting edge," amber...if only for the scene where moira kelly skates away from d.b. sweeney and flips up her skirt. entirely implausible and predictable and cheesy, yes. but, god help me, i own the dvd.

a couple others. i don't know if i can go on.

"mmm-bop," by hanson. i LOVE this song. i'm 42. and supposedly a man. and earlier today i was humming the "if you like pina coladas" song, whatever it's called...

i sat in front of "rules of engagement" on cbs a couple nights ago, and...laughed out loud several times, and...i can't say it...got a little verklempt, at the end. a man? me? i think not.

i have to go take a cheese grater to my eyeballs now.

Ford Fairlane! Hell yeah! I bought the DVD for $5.50 at Walmart! But I'm not really embarrassed by it...

Ernest Scared Stupid-
You would think all of the ridicule I endured from sharing a first name with the main character would steer me away from this horrid franchise. But, there's a scene a little over an hour in where Jim Varney backs over a midget dressed as a troll with his truck. It cracks me up every damned time I see it. I'm always willing to endure the rest of this suck-fest just to watch that scene.

I found a low quality clip of it online, but wasn't able to post. If you're interested search "Ernest Scared Stupid" on Youtube and it's the 7th clip down.

Couple that with being able to quote some of the (memorable?) lines if someone brings up the title character in regard to my name and it's a movie I stick around for every year around Oct 31 when I bump into it on TBS.

Close call between Buying the Cow and Grandma's Boy, two low-brow, adolescent-humored comedies in the Van Wilder genre. Note that local hero Ryan Reynolds turns in a funny performance in BTC -- lots of snarky one-liners -- which is a Jerry O'Connell vehicle. Yes, you heard me, a Jerry O'Connell vehicle, so I guess that is the more shameful of the two, though Dustin fucking hated Grandma's Boy, which is newer and features Nick Swardson, who is just a funny person.

If one of those is on late-night, it's trouble in bed-time land.

"She's the Man" with Amanda Bynes. A 26 year old man should not have found that movie nearly as amusing as I did.

I can't believe someone else said "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers"!

While justly famous for the whole Russ Tamblyn axe-jumping in the barn raising dance, the rest of the movie is pretty irredeemably sexist. My deep, deep affection for "Sobbin' Women," a jaunty hand-clapper about how you should kidnap women and "rough em' up like them thar Romans do, or else she'll think you're tetched," is completely embarrassing for me to confess to as a feminist, but it's so charming! And hilarious! I'm never sure if it was supposed to be funny or not, but I feel better about myself if I say that it was. Still, I feel deep, deep guilt every time I think about the fact that I rooted for a bunch of handsome young men who KIDNAPPED CHICKS UNTIL THEY FELL IN LOVE WITH THEM, it's so much fun, hurray! The choreography is classic and amazing though: you have all these great dancers right at their peaks: Russ Tamblyn and Tommy Rall and Michael Kidd and everyone. You also have Howard Keel in his least annoying role ever.

Seven Brides actually ties into my other guilty pleasure: "Fame." Not the reasonably good Alan Parker movie, the TV series that it inspired. It ran for years, it was the Beverly Hills 90210 of the '80s. One character, Danny, was at Fame school for the entire six-season run of the series, despite the fact that other characters who were supposed to be younger than him had already graduated. This was never explained. The first season featured had Montgomery, who was gay in the movie, but they couldn't have a gay character on TV, so he was just treated as "different." The musical numbers got increasingly over-produced and there was Nicole, who is the most egregious example of "Mary Sue" in produced television. Nicole (played by Nia Peeples who went on to appear in the last season of "Walker, Texas Ranger") was a brilliantly talented singer, she was beautiful and she was also an academic genius. She had a boyfriend, but dudes were always falling in love with her, including one of her boyfriend's best friends and a teacher who became obsessed with her and hit her boyfriend in an episode that was inspired by Kurosawa's "Rashomon" (I am not joking). Anyway, despite this, I really love the show and watched it faithfully when MuchMoreMusic (Canada's VH1) ran it on weeknights. Despite the bad acting and the fact that they ran out of storylines somewhere in the second season, and the fact that they let Gene Anthony Ray (who played Leroy, the gifted dancer from the wrong side of the tracks) run around in mesh shirts and a creepy biker cap in the last couple of seasons, I love the show and feel actual affection for its characters. The reason it ties in is that Russ Tamblyn appeared in the finale of the series as a famous alumni who was depressed by his legacy of jumping over an axe in a classic 1950s movie (they used the actual clip from "Seven Brides"), and they showed him repeat the stunt and he passed the axe/torch to Leroy in a bizarre contemporary dance number. I found it really touching, because I am a nerd.

Those are probably my top guilty pleasures. Note that they both involve musicals.

Damn,I thought Howard would be pretty hard to beat. So I will raise you with this:

Red (motherfucking) Sonja.

For one, it is the only proof that Brigitte Nielsen was ever attractive (though her sobriety might still be debatable). Second, it had Ah-nold tossing around that annoying Asian kid from "The Last Dragon", who I believe was Ernie Reyes Jr. Then there was the bodyguard who used what looked like a dinosaur bone as a weapon. And the evil sorceress who could compete with Dr. Doom for "Most asinine narcissist who, despite being all powerful and probably having a spell or something to fix it, wears an uncomfortable-looking metal mask just because of a little scar on their face" award.It was the first movie I saw with a woman kicking ass as well as a man, or even better. I dare say, it was my first inkling of feminism and my other great love, implied lesbianism. That movie was great.

A few more contenders:
Ultraviolet: Sorry, GunKata rocks, and Milla makes me warm in the pants

Hudson Hawk: Singing songs to time your robbery? The hotel curare dart scene? The male villain looking like a pre-Arnett GOB Bluth? Andie McDowell going insane and baaing? Henchmen named after candy bars? Leonardo Da Vinci? DANNY AIELLO?!??!!! How is that not good?

Drive: A little action film featuring Mark Dacascos, Kadeem Hardison. John Pyper Fergueson, and thick in all the right places and still pretty crazy Brittany Murphy. That is now part of my DVD collection. And I would kill to look that awesome in brown like the Advanced Model did. It is actually the reason the Rush Hour series exists. Jackie Chan was supposed to be in this flick, but couldn't do it then, so Mark took his place. Apparently he still wanted to do the Asian-black team-up thing.

TMNT III: Yes, the turtles as samurai one. I enjoyed the hell out of it. It had a nice little dose of Japanese mythology in it, too.

Julie: Check out "The Shop Around the Corner" with James Stewart and Margaret Sullivan. It's the 1940s original that "You've Got Mail" was based on and in addition to having no AOL ads, it's got James Stewart. Need I say more?

Well, The Rock was already mentioned, and Con-Air is shameful, but being a guy it isn't that embarrassing to like some good old fashioned action flicks (at least to me anyways).

So these are movies that I would never admit to liking to my buddies:

The Bodyguard
Sleepless in Seattle
Joe Dirt (ok, I've admitted this one, and caught a lot of shit over it)

Ah, I forgot another one: "Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights". Because seeing Diego Luna shake his ass with the hot Romola Garai is a LOT better than a mulleted Patrick Swayze (although he makes an apperance in it too). For real, people.

Ben: I can sleep well knowing that someone else out there loves some YGM :) And word word WORD on Bring it On. Sparky Pilastrie is reason enough to watch it.

"Cheerleaders are dancers, who have gone retarded." "Follow me or perish, sweater monkeys." Brilliant.

I'm cackling at everyone's posts, this may be my favorite Guide.

...and yes, i know this is about films. but i had to come clean. like an a.a. meeting.

Oh, God Boo/Nexus. Let's be roommates until your house is done, because I L-O-V-E Conan the Barbarian. LOVE. Seriously. I can quote probably 65% of it.

Contemplate this on the Tree of Woe... Crucify him.

I'd add Beastmaster, The Girl Next Door, The Man With Two Brains, and... um... The Fantastic Four. I know, ok? I can't help it. I just can't turn the fucking thing off. I... I'll go now.

Con Air. I love every single moronic second of Con Air. Nicholas Cage deserves an award for the worst Texan accent ever, even beating The Beek in Varsity Blues(a fantastic movie, by the way). Look, I will admit that it has absolutely no plot and is filled with stereotype after stereotype (effeminate black man cross-dressing? Check.), but it has Steve Buscemi in it! It is kind of an original plotline and likely the least offensive of Buckheimer/Bay collaborations. Plus, you just cannot write dialogue like this: "Put the bunny in the box" & "I told you to put the bunny back in the box". The fact that the plane crashes into the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas has to be worth something right? I am aware that I will now have to give up my Pajiba membership card. I still love me some of "Con Air".

FYI, I also love The Rock. You beat me to it, Daniel.

Stacey, Digital Underground? Excuse me while I go listen to "Humpty Dance" right now.

When I get home, I might have a second entry to add. I cannot remember all of the nightmarish crap in my DVD collection.

My secret shame is any Hugh Grant movie: Love Actually, Notting Hill, About a Boy, I've even seen Bridget Jones' Diary. I should mention that I am a heterosexual male, but Hugh Grant is probably my biggest man crush (I forgot to post on the comment diversion the other day). He always seems to play that kind of 'aw shucks' well-meaning english guy who get's the girl in the end. Even though I am nowhere near as good-looking as he is, it tends to give me hope that, as a nice guy, maybe I'll end up getting the girl once in a while.

For me it has to be Overboard, with the glorious combination of Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. How *can't* you feel guilty for liking a movie where a carpenter's idea of revenge on a rich, stuck up blond is to *claim her as his wife* when she falls off her yacht and suffers amnesia? Thank god she learns how to run the household and tame his 4 wild boys, all the while falling in love with him and helping him to achieve his dream of building a mini-golf park. TBS occasionally brings the movie into rotation and for the life of me I can't tear myself away from the screen.

I'm convinced my Dad and I are the reason that Ernest Saves Christmas is to this day shown on ABC every December. It's the dopiest film possible, but we love it. I've probably seen it a dozen times. We saw it twice, in the theater. There's so much wrong with it - it's an Ernest movie, there's the nonsensical first-person scene that exists basically so Jim Varney can work in his inexplicable 'knowwhutImean, Vern?' bit, there's the guy who used to play the film's equivalent of Captain Kangaroo or something not wanting to curse at the alien while they're shooting 'Christmas Slay' (he doesn't even know the name of the movie he's in at that point, wanting to know where the sleigh is) - and yet the invention that Santa's bag is full of magic glowing crystal balls that turn into gifts made so much sense to me when I first saw it at age ten. Man, just thinking of it makes me wish it was December.

Landon: Xanadu forever. Honestly, I have loved that movie ever since I was around 8 years old. I love ONJ (still do - for the same reasons you stated) and I'd dance around my basement singing those songs even when the movie wasn't playing. Sonny rollerskates himself through a wall into another dimension to convince Zeus to let her go!!! How romantic. I have the soundtrack on cd and I still sing it in my car, more than 20 years later. Oh, the shame :)

My other shameful secret: The Pirate Movie. Kristie McNichol and some dude with curly hair (his name escapes me now but he was dreamy back then). Extremely cheesy. But still, I WANT A HAPPY ENDING!!!!

Didn't realize it before now - it appears I have a thing for musicals!

Okay, this is painful; Electrojuice. For the 99.99999999% of you unfamiliar with this movie, it is an electric safety video from the 80's that revolved around a teen hunk who was killed by holding a ladder to a power cable in a lightning storm, sent to a type of electrical unawareness purgatory, and made to watch his friends and family die electricity related deaths by a crazed irishman with half his brains faling out of his head. It is, simply, the best movie ever and I watched it regularly from age 4 to 11, when I realized it was embarassing. Most embarassing moment, Overdosia (a friend of electrojuice's, and fellow killer of teenagers) doing the running man during the *music video* portion of the tape (sample lyrics; "shocker of a hot barbecue!"). Insane, stupid, horribly acted and 80'sy, I have to admit that I did know the shit out of concentric circles when I was 4 though.

Okay, this is painful; Electrojuice. For the 99.99999999% of you unfamiliar with this movie, it is an electric safety video from the 80's that revolved around a teen hunk who was killed by holding a ladder to a power cable in a lightning storm, sent to a type of electrical unawareness purgatory, and made to watch his friends and family die electricity related deaths by a crazed irishman with half his brains faling out of his head. It is, simply, the best movie ever and I watched it regularly from age 4 to 11, when I realized it was embarassing. Most embarassing moment, Overdosia (a friend of electrojuice's, and fellow killer of teenagers) doing the running man during the *music video* portion of the tape (sample lyrics; "shocker of a hot barbecue!"). Insane, stupid, horribly acted and 80'sy, I have to admit that I did know the shit out of concentric circles when I was 4 though.

Okay, this is painful; Electrojuice. For the 99.99999999% of you unfamiliar with this movie, it is an electric safety video from the 80's that revolved around a teen hunk who was killed by holding a ladder to a power cable in a lightning storm, sent to a type of electrical unawareness purgatory, and made to watch his friends and family die electricity related deaths by a crazed irishman with half his brains faling out of his head. It is, simply, the best movie ever and I watched it regularly from age 4 to 11, when I realized it was embarassing. Most embarassing moment, Overdosia (a friend of electrojuice's, and fellow killer of teenagers) doing the running man during the *music video* portion of the tape (sample lyrics; "shocker of a hot barbecue!"). Insane, stupid, horribly acted and 80'sy, I have to admit that I did know the shit out of concentric circles when I was 4 though.

Okay, this is painful; Electrojuice. For the 99.99999999% of you unfamiliar with this movie, it is an electric safety video from the 80's that revolved around a teen hunk who was killed by holding a ladder to a power cable in a lightning storm, sent to a type of electrical unawareness purgatory, and made to watch his friends and family die electricity related deaths by a crazed irishman with half his brains faling out of his head. It is, simply, the best movie ever and I watched it regularly from age 4 to 11, when I realized it was embarassing. Most embarassing moment, Overdosia (a friend of electrojuice's, and fellow killer of teenagers) doing the running man during the *music video* portion of the tape (sample lyrics; "shocker of a hot barbecue!"). Insane, stupid, horribly acted and 80'sy, I have to admit that I did know the shit out of concentric circles when I was 4 though.

Okay, this is painful; Electrojuice. For the 99.99999999% of you unfamiliar with this movie, it is an electric safety video from the 80's that revolved around a teen hunk who was killed by holding a ladder to a power cable in a lightning storm, sent to a type of electrical unawareness purgatory, and made to watch his friends and family die electricity related deaths by a crazed irishman with half his brains faling out of his head. It is, simply, the best movie ever and I watched it regularly from age 4 to 11, when I realized it was embarassing. Most embarassing moment, Overdosia (a friend of electrojuice's, and fellow killer of teenagers) doing the running man during the *music video* portion of the tape (sample lyrics; "shocker of a hot barbecue!"). Insane, stupid, horribly acted and 80'sy, I have to admit that I did know the shit out of concentric circles when I was 4 though.

"Ben: I can sleep well knowing that someone else out there loves some YGM :) And word word WORD on Bring it On. Sparky Pilastrie is reason enough to watch it. "

Damn, add me to that list too! "THESE ARE SPIRIT FINGERS!!!!!!!! THESE...ARE GOLD!"

Okay, I'll chip in because my pal Agent Bedhead asked. Truth is that I'm a sucker for those twin Kevin Costner post-apocalyptic disasters, Waterworld and The Postman. While I don't own either and have never rented them, I always watch 'em when they come on the tee vee.

In fact, given the examples of such folk as Reagan, Shwarzenegger, Fred Grandy and Ben Jones, I think Tom Petty ought to reprise his role as Bridge City Mayor in real life and take it up a notch:

Petty in '08: Like, F'Sher, Dude!

Vertical Limit! I own up to it!!!! Some reason, I actually love this movie so much that I don't even realize exactly how bad it is. I happened to catch it the other night and at the end I was completely satisfied with myself... Until my brother called and laughed at me when I told him what I was watching. No, screw that, he can laugh at me all he wants and I will still watch it a couple times a year.

It could be my forever-long crush on Chris O'Donnell that started when I first saw Fried Green Tomatoes. Maybe it's the opening scene and they are playing the song game and come up with the ONLY damn Eagles song that I halfway kind of sort of like. It's all crap and I know it's crap. Probably one of the crappiest movies ever made. But I love it and it makes me want to go climb big mountains with Bill Paxton.

"My Father the Hero"

When Gerard Depardieu water-skis, yells at Katherine Heigl to "come look at the goddamn moon...it's GLORIOUS!" and later sings "Thank Heaven for Little Girls"... my shit, it is lost.

Okay, this is painful; Electrojuice. For the 99.99999999% of you unfamiliar with this movie, it is an electric safety video from the 80's that revolved around a teen hunk who was killed by holding a ladder to a power cable in a lightning storm, sent to a type of electrical unawareness purgatory, and made to watch his friends and family die electricity related deaths by a crazed irishman with half his brains faling out of his head. It is, simply, the best movie ever and I watched it regularly from age 4 to 11, when I realized it was embarassing. Most embarassing moment, Overdosia (a friend of electrojuice's, and fellow killer of teenagers) doing the running man during the *music video* portion of the tape (sample lyrics; "shocker of a hot barbecue!"). Insane, stupid, horribly acted and 80'sy, I have to admit that I did know the shit out of concentric circles when I was 4 though.

Okay, this is painful; Electrojuice. For the 99.99999999% of you unfamiliar with this movie, it is an electric safety video from the 80's that revolved around a teen hunk who was killed by holding a ladder to a power cable in a lightning storm, sent to a type of electrical unawareness purgatory, and made to watch his friends and family die electricity related deaths by a crazed irishman with half his brains faling out of his head. It is, simply, the best movie ever and I watched it regularly from age 4 to 11, when I realized it was embarassing. Most embarassing moment, Overdosia (a friend of electrojuice's, and fellow killer of teenagers) doing the running man during the *music video* portion of the tape (sample lyrics; "shocker of a hot barbecue!"). Insane, stupid, horribly acted and 80'sy, I have to admit that I did know the shit out of concentric circles when I was 4 though.

The movie love I guess I'm supposed to be ashamed of is Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. I do love it, own it even, but I'm not ashamed.

Erin beat me to it, but I am rather ashamed of my love for Overboard. The premise is appalling, and there's really no way around that. But I still find it hilarious after 20 years. And Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn are so dang cute!

The best line in Sleeping with the Enemy (which I feel no shame about having greatly enjoyed) was -- SPOILER -- when Julia Roberts has her breaking-and-entering husband at gunpoint and tells the police on the phone "I've just shot an intruder." Tables. Turned.

Baby.

I think it has some sort of subtitle, but I can't remember it; it's the one where they discover some dinosaurs, and the baby brontosaurus gets separated from it's mommy for research purposes? I hadn't seen it for years until it was on the Spanish channel a few weeks ago, and I watched it. (And I don't speak Spanish). I loved this movie so much when I was a kid, and it still breaks my heart!

Okay, this is painful; Electrojuice. For the 99.99999999% of you unfamiliar with this movie, it is an electric safety video from the 80's that revolved around a teen hunk who was killed by holding a ladder to a power cable in a lightning storm, sent to a type of electrical unawareness purgatory, and made to watch his friends and family die electricity related deaths by a crazed irishman with half his brains faling out of his head. It is, simply, the best movie ever and I watched it regularly from age 4 to 11, when I realized it was embarassing. Most embarassing moment, Overdosia (a friend of electrojuice's, and fellow killer of teenagers) doing the running man during the *music video* portion of the tape (sample lyrics; "shocker of a hot barbecue!"). Insane, stupid, horribly acted and 80'sy, I have to admit that I did know the shit out of concentric circles when I was 4 though.

The Replacements, that delightful Keanu Reeves confection. Gene Hackman shows up, playing an outline drawing of a coach; the team is populated with stereotypes (of all races, I believe); the stripper-cheerleaders are exactly what you'd expect. It's best not to get into the "characterization" of the villian. But it's a satisfying and hearty piece of cheese, and my husband and I both love it.

"That one girl smacked the other girl on the ass!" C'mon! A movie needs no further defense, right? I mean, there's a whole industry that basically revolves around that line.

Okay, this is painful; Electrojuice. For the 99.99999999% of you unfamiliar with this movie, it is an electric safety video from the 80's that revolved around a teen hunk who was killed by holding a ladder to a power cable in a lightning storm, sent to a type of electrical unawareness purgatory, and made to watch his friends and family die electricity related deaths by a crazed irishman with half his brains faling out of his head. It is, simply, the best movie ever and I watched it regularly from age 4 to 11, when I realized it was embarassing. Most embarassing moment, Overdosia (a friend of electrojuice's, and fellow killer of teenagers) doing the running man during the *music video* portion of the tape (sample lyrics; "shocker of a hot barbecue!"). Insane, stupid, horribly acted and 80'sy, I have to admit that I did know the shit out of concentric circles when I was 4 though.

I love seeing all these entries! I too love Get Over It, Center Stage, Bring It On, and Teen Witch. The worst for me though is probably From Justin to Kelly. I bought it for $5 to see how bad it actually was, and its now one of the few movies I own that are "standards": if I don't have a specific movie I want to watch I'll throw one of them in. (Others include Center Stage, Camp, and Serenity)
The best thing about owning that movie, though, is shortly after I moved in with my boyfriend I came home from work and caught him watching it. He said he was just curious. It was as if I'd caught him with some particularly strange porn.

Okay, this is painful; Electrojuice. For the 99.99999999% of you unfamiliar with this movie, it is an electric safety video from the 80's that revolved around a teen hunk who was killed by holding a ladder to a power cable in a lightning storm, sent to a type of electrical unawareness purgatory, and made to watch his friends and family die electricity related deaths by a crazed irishman with half his brains faling out of his head. It is, simply, the best movie ever and I watched it regularly from age 4 to 11, when I realized it was embarassing. Most embarassing moment, Overdosia (a friend of electrojuice's, and fellow killer of teenagers) doing the running man during the *music video* portion of the tape (sample lyrics; "shocker of a hot barbecue!"). Insane, stupid, horribly acted and 80'sy, I have to admit that I did know the shit out of concentric circles when I was 4 though.

Okay, this is painful; Electrojuice. For the 99.99999999% of you unfamiliar with this movie, it is an electric safety video from the 80's that revolved around a teen hunk who was killed by holding a ladder to a power cable in a lightning storm, sent to a type of electrical unawareness purgatory, and made to watch his friends and family die electricity related deaths by a crazed irishman with half his brains faling out of his head. It is, simply, the best movie ever and I watched it regularly from age 4 to 11, when I realized it was embarassing. Most embarassing moment, Overdosia (a friend of electrojuice's, and fellow killer of teenagers) doing the running man during the *music video* portion of the tape (sample lyrics; "shocker of a hot barbecue!"). Insane, stupid, horribly acted and 80'sy, I have to admit that I did know the shit out of concentric circles when I was 4 though.

Okay, two entries for Secret Shames:
Super Mario Brothers the movie. Yeah, this sucked hard. But what kid growing up with a love for the original NES wouldn't want to see this movie. It didn't hurt that Princess Toadstool(I think they called her Daisy in the movie) was super cute. I guess if I have to defend a guilty pleasure I would take a stand with Mario Bros.

Although, I must admit that Dusk til Dawn is still one of my favorite movies. And while Clooney, Rodriguez, Keitel, Tarrantino,etc are all names dropped to justify the film, I only need Salma Hayak to convince myself to pop it in the dvd player.

Alright...Given that I've seen several flicks already mentioned and that I secretly own (oh yes...Hocus Pocus, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Howard the Duck, The Rock, The Craft, and Son-In-Law are all hidden away in a drawer with a few others out of prying eyes) I felt I had to dig deep to find some real shame.

For me shame comes in the form of Red Dawn. Oh yeah. Red. Dawn. How much more shameful can any movie be? Not only is there a pre Dirty Dancing Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze but also the glory that is C. Thomas Howell and Charlie Sheen and they're fighting Communists. Not only is the dialouge horrid ( "Come on, buddies! Come and get 'em! Shoot straight for once, you Army pukes.") the plot more than just a little ridiculous even for 1984 (Cubans and Russians working together to invade the USA? Starting in Colorado? Sure...) but then you've got to stomach character actors like Hary Dean Stanton and Powers Boothe hamming their way through while cashing a paycheque.

Despite all of this though I have a strong affection for the Wolverines-it was one of the few videos my Grandparents had for their betamax (Karate Kid, Wizard of Oz, Iron Eage, and another shameful secret Uncommon Valour). It was also one of the few movies that all of us grandkids could agree to watch given that it had some romance thrown in for us girls (and Jennifer Grey and Lea Thompson giving some girl power performances) and lots of blood and gore for the boys. Hell, once we were kicked out of the house and told to go play in the 80 acres of forest that was the back yard you can bet your bottom dollar that the whole troop of us re-inacted the whole she-bang.

Sure, as the youngest kid I was always a Commie and always got killed but it was about the only time all of us kids got along during the months of summer when our parents all shipped us up North and out of their hair til school started again. Hmmm...Maybe that's why I ended up as a teenage socialist?

I LOVE Hocus Pocus.

But my secret shame is...Stick It.

It makes me want to be a gymnast. And I also get a welling sense of pride after the bitchy girl inevitably pulls out her bra strap in a act of solidarity.

I third Seven Brides for Seven Brothers...I'll admit I got married in June specifically because "They say when you marry in June, you'll always be a bride."

My mother started it. She'd make my brothers and I watch it at least once a month when we were kids. And whenever one of us got a boyfriend/girlfriend they too were subjected to a viewing. My brother still occasionally calls me singing "Bless Your Beautiful Hide" or "Sobbin Women"

My mom was Seven Brides For Seven Brothers...and my dad was The Neverending Story. That piece of garbage was forced upon us whenever we were bad. I still have nightmares about those two laser-shooting statues...and don't get me started on that wolf thing.

To Constances, "Hocus Pocus" was totally my choice, too, and I couldn't agree more. However, to name another one, I'll have to say...

"The Adventures Of Hercules" (that's Hercules 2, all of you). It stars Lou Ferrigno and some of the worst 80's effects ever committed to film. The bad guys can shoot lasers (yes, lasers!) and do so, repeatedly, throughout the entirety of the movie; best thing is, the sound is the EXACT SAME ATARI-LIKE LASER SOUND EVERY TIME! Also, whenever anyone transports anywhere, it's the same laser sound again (except longer).

Also among its crimes is, well, Lou Ferrigno and his voice double, and evil monster that is pretty much the Id monster from "Forbidden Planet" and the absolute WORST. ending. battle. ever. It's in space. They shape shift into outlined laser forms. King Kong and a dinosaur. And then a snake.

So, all this, and yet I love to watch it. It makes me happy. I know this isn't much defending, but I do just love it, plain and simple. See it for yourselves, and you'll see what I mean. Or maybe you won't. Either way, it remains one of my favorite movies I've ever seen. But only you guys know that.

My secret shame is the catastrophic 1996 made-for-tv movie of Doctor Who, the classic british sci-fi series. It was a sad attempt to revive the show (which, at that point had been off the air for almost ten years) and also make it more exciting for an American audience. Of course, they aired it on the same nice that John Goodman had that heart attack on Roseanne. I'm sure you don't need to be tell who won between those two.

The reasons that the Doctor Who movie is awful are well-documented, and although Doctor Who is cool again (thanks to David Tennant,) there are absolutely no redeeming qualities to this movie. None. Zip. The plot is laughable. The writing is awful. The special effects- Ugh.

But some of the reasons that it is awful are the reasons why I love watching it, over and over. The producers cast the world's tallest woman to play the romantic lead opposite Paul McGann, thus making him look like England's shortest actor. There is an utterly pointless and unbelievable romance, breaking half the taboos in the series- for basically no good reason. The Doctor spends the first quarter of the movie either unconscious, or running around barefoot screaming "I have two hearts!" Dr. Grace (the aforementioned World's Tallest Woman) performs open-heart surgery wearing a ballgown. Not just any ballgown, but a full-on green satin Cinderella number with matching elbow-length gloves.

And for all these reasons and more, I secretly and shamefully love the 1996 Doctor Who television movie.

Thank you for justifying my love of "The Rock." All this time I thought I loved it because the first time I saw it I was too young to know better.

There is one movie that I can watch again and again, especially because I haven't seen it since HBO started getting real programming and stopped running this movie three times a day:

Just One of the Guys

I could probably act out the entire movie for you right now, but I have to get back to work.

As long as we're throwing out BIO lines:

"This is not a democracy, it's a cheerocracy. And I'm pulling rank."
"You're being a cheertator Torrence! And a pain in my ass!"

Um. That sentence up there in the first paragraph ought to read "don't need to be told." How shame-making.

Zeppellyn, you can always blame the love for Center Stage on the power of Peter Gallagher's eyebrows. They should have a separate billing from Mr. Gallagher.

Bring it On is the best movie for hangover days and one of the few in which Kristen Dunst is likable. Plus, it has cheerleaders!!

Second entry into the hall of shame: Can't Hardly Wait. A late 90's movie starring Lauren Ambrose, Seth Green, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Melissa Joan Hart and Ethan Embry. It is funny, cute, sweet, and makes you remember everything good, bad and ugly about those last days of high school.

My final entry is: Baseketball. The movie made by Trey Parker and Matt Stone before the South Park movie. You truly cannot get more stupid than this movie and that is coming from someone who sat through Spice World. I am for some strange inexplicable reason drawn to it, possibly because it seemed funnier while hungover and it requires absolutely no thought whatsoever. However, it might kill brain cells. The story revolves around two slackers who start a new game in their driveway called baseketball, a cross between basketball and baseball. A spectacularly awful movie.

Dustin, to the Pauly Shore list, you really should add Bio-dome. It does co-star the least useful of the Baldwins.

Arnold really should have hung it after Last Action Hero. Then we would have missed Jingle All The Way and Batman and Robin.

ok, deep breath... and release

Kevin Costner's The Postman.

I'm already a sucker for both westerns and post-apocalyptic visions of the future, so this slid nicely in between. When I saw this (in the theater no less), I had actually meant to see Titanic but I called a last minute audible over to The Postman and had zero regrets. Didn't wind up seeing Titanic for almost a year.

On the plus side: Will Patton at his scene-chewing best, Olivia Williams is constantly delicious, and of course Bill the thespian mule.

While some dialog makes me cringe ("Whazza postman?" and whenever Ford Lincoln Mercury opened his mouth, my love of this movie has continued unabated even though I have never met anyone else at all that even thought it was just okay

Capping it all off, one friend who expressed horror at my love of this movie told me to read the book so I could see what a bastardization the movie was of David Brin's "classic." Of course, after I read the book, all I could think was "The movie was soooo much better."

Katie - There's no shame in loving Baby!!! I loved it too, so so much. Do you think it's still in circulation? I know I made my mom rent it pretty much every week when I was about 5 or 6.

Sadly, as a teen, I really never "got" what was sooooo bad about Howard the Duck....There were many worse flicks out at the time, like, oh, say The Night of the Comet for instance.

1. Bachelor Party--I've seen this too many times to count...fresh outta Bosom Buddies Tom Hanks marrying Tawny Kitaen...bad bad bad taste humor (mule sex partner of belly dancer snorts coke at said party and keels over) Love it! ("A little vino would be keeno....")

2. Stayin' Alive--the gut wrenchingly bad "sequel" to Saturday Night Fever. Actually caught it a couple of weeks ago late at night and was glued 'til the end. The cheesefest dance finale was morbidly bad, but sadly John Travolta's ripped body and actually great dance talent circa 1983 overruled all... Finola Hughes had a bit of a Joan Collins 'tude about her that was laughably entertaining as well.

3. Class--Young Rob Lowe (unnaturally beautiful in 1983) and a hot 40-ish Jacqueline Bissett as a nympho...too bad Lowe played her son--I would've loved to see film of him and Bissett gettin' it on!!

But would anyone like to say something about Electrojuice?

My biggest guilty pleasure is "The Mighty Ducks". When I was a child, my cousin and I would fall asleep to this movie nearly every night. There was just something about the redemption of Gordon Bombay that had us re-watching that movie every night.
Along the road to redemption, you meet his hockey mentor, Hans. I can't describe how much I wanted an old, foreign man to help me realize my true skills and personality.
Of course, you couldn't have this movie without the class wars. The Ducks come from the poor side of town. They are true underdogs. Then Banks is forced to join the team from the rich side of town. Of course, there is the initial hatred, but eventually the Ducks come to love him as he risks his hockey career to score a goal.
My cousin and I had huge crushes on two characters. Fulten Reed and Charlie Conway were our dream men. Fulten was the tough silent type. He was so hardcore. Charlie was the cute boy that you always root for. As I was tougher than my cousin, Fulten was my pretend boyfriend and Charlie was hers.
How can you hate a film with the crowd cheering "Quack! Quack! Quack!"

Oh yeah, Angela, The Pirate Movie. LOVE The Pirate Movie. Christopher Atkins and singing pirates. Hmmm.

"CABIN BOY" Aw yeah that movie is great. You got Chris Elliot in his innocent retard glory, a who's who of actors from his "Get A Life" series, David Letterman, and Rickie Lake as the mast figure of the "Filthy Whore". This movie made such an impact on me, I did six years in the Navy. Sadly the punishing abuse the Chris Elliot takes in the film is more realistic than "Top Gun". Best Naval Film Ever!!!

OK, last BIO line:

"Why does everyone have to go on a diet?"
"Because in cheerleading we throw people into the air. And fat people don't go as high."

(Much funnier if you're actually watching it).

Halloween 3: Season of the Witch-it's the one Halloween movie that has nothing to do with Michael Myers. It also has nothing to do with plot, good acting and writing or anything that goes into making a quality film. And I love it forever. Happy happy Halloween from Silver Shamrock! Modern day witches chip off pieces of a stolen rock from Stone Henge and put the pieces into Halloween masks that will kill children on Halloween when they wear the masks while watching a digital jack o'lantern blink like a strobe light on TV! HOORAY!!!

The Beverly Hillbillies movie-I try to justify it to myself by saying "Well, Lily Tomlin, Dabney Coleman and Dolly Parton are all in it so it's kind of like watching 9 to 5 and that's good, right? RIGHT??!!" But really, I just love its brazen stupidity. I love Jim Varney as Jed, Diedrick Bader as Jethro, Cloris Leachman as Granny and, oh dear God, Rob Schneider and Leah Thompson as the bad guys.

"The Fifth Element"

I cannot turn away when it's on cable. I watched it so much my wife bought me the DVD, which I quickly hid at the bottom of the DVD drawer (I'll never CHOOSE to watch it, the movie must come to me on TBS, TNT, or whatever - I think that's another criterion of the "secret shame")

But how to defend it? Well, it's got Bruce Willis playing...Bruce Willis. Chris Tucker is way beyond over-the-top well before he his whole over-the-top shtick stopped being funny, and has one the best movie afros ever created. Gary Oldman is evil - nuff said. And Milla Jovovovovich (or however the fuck it's spelled)runs around kicking ass while saying very little, and wearing even less. And for some reason I can't stop saying the word "MULTI-PASS" in that weird accent for the next week each time I watch this flick.

I must say, Equilibrium. I only realized it was 'guilty' when everyone I mentioned it to laughed at me and then whispered to each other. But I can't help it. The gun-fu was great to watch. The not-so-subtle allusions to antidepressants and mood-medications in general touched a soppy, tender spot in me. I could (agonizingly) relate to Bale's character and the importance of numbness in that society. No matter how smarmy or contrived it might seem to others, Equilibrium remains one of my favourites. I don't care if others think the social commentary is obvious and clumsy. For me, it just rings true. Bale is always nice to watch, the special effects are fun, and the story might not be deep, but it's engaging. I feel like a kid when I watch it - cool and uncool don't exist. I'm just watching an awesome movie that makes me want to engage in gun-to-gun combat to a techno soundtrack while being a ridiculously hardcore badass.

Holy Crap!
How could I not have included Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.....?????
Maxwell's Silver Hammer sung by a gassed up Steve Martin....???? Genius!

Cruel Intentions.
Con Air.
Reign of Fire.

But Brenda, "secretly they was overjoyed!"

Man alive, take away my feminist card because I know that 7Bfor7B is horrific, but I can't help but love it. Then when they all claim to be have been knocked up so daddy won't string up their men?

Count me in with the Cutting Edge fan club, but I think that is a true "guilty pleasure" that so many people (I know, at least) love it's not really *shameful*. "We're doing the Pamjanko!" "Because I'm in the mood to kick a little ass." "Just remember who said it first!"

Oh man, I like a lot of shitty movies. How about Girl's Just Want To Have Fun? A Pre-teen bitchtastic Shannon Doherty, SPJ in all her frizzy-haired glory all "I love to dance", Helen Hunt and those lizard earrings I absolutely craved and the suspenders? And then the dreamboat bad boy "dancer". I had to look him up- Lee Montgomery? Jonathan Silverman and "Tune in Tokyo". Oh I love that movie.

I really have far too many, but I would have to include:

1) Wish Upon a Star- An old Disney Channel movie that actually stars Katherine Heigl, believe it or not. I have no excuse.
2) The Chipmunk Adventure- This is one of those that I watched when I was really little, so mostly I am just remembering "the good old days."
3) High School Musical- I want to hate this movie. I SHOULD have hated this movie. But I don't. I damn near loved it. And to add insult to the whole thing, I just might accidentally have to catch the sequel when it comes out later this month.... GA!!!

Twister. I have absolutely no idea why I love this movie. It's a cliche-driven plot-hole-tastic entirely unbelievable story, told by a passle of actors who make the Liberty Oak look emotive while driving around Oklahoma finding enough big bad tornadoes to make them the meteorological equivalent of Powerball winners. It's one set of laughable ideas spot-welded onto another to create the most ludicrously half-assed modern sculpture of them all. It's got Bill Paxton as a stormchasing stud; Helen Hunt as some sort of scientific femme fatale, though she can barely pronounce half the words; a Brand-Spankin' New Invention that will save the world; a supervillain who has stolen the Brand-Spankin' New Invention and Sold Out To Corporate Sponsors and must therefore die. Not even Cary Elwes as the supposedly evil dude can save this movie. If the script had been used to wipe the ass of the Jolly Green Giant in pre-production, it might actually have helped the movie out some.

There's in fact no way this movie could have been more stupid. Helen Hunt in John Lennon glasses? Check. Dumb we-used-to-be-married jokes that make up half the movie's dialog? Check. Super meteorologists who can find every tornado but the one that nearly kills them all in a drive-in movie? Check. Car chases where tornadoes play the bad guys? Check. References to the Wizard of Oz, Oklahoma, and anything that might have to do with any geographic area where tornadoes might conceivably happen? Check. Hysterical female put into the movie solely to make the "heroine" look good? Check. Convenient ending of serious relationship with hysterical woman, who conveniently understands ending of said serious relationship, without any nastiness. Check. Ridiculously melodramatic music? Check. Tornadoes that know where you are and chase you down like the silly bitch you are...Do I really need to go on? Does anyone here not know how badly this movie sucks?

Let's face it, the movie sucks. In fact, in terms of movie suckage, it's got to be in the top 20 of all time. But I can't stop watching the damn thing. There is no defense, but just thinking about it made me put it on my to-do list for tonight. The only decision is whether to watch it on VHS or DVD. The shame is all mine.

Oh God, I can't stop: "Darcy, you should stop eating. You see, when you skip a meal your body feeds off its fat stores. And if you skip enough, maybe your body will eat your ass."

Teen Witch!!! I used to pester my Dad to rent that for me every time I went to stay with him, I must have watched it every other weekend for at least three years - God I loved that movie.

The disturbing thing about this comments section is that many of the "secret shame" movies listed are sitting in my DVD collection right now: Bring it On!, Drive me Crazy, She's the Man... even Crossroads, I mean I'll happily admit that I own the Will Ferrel/Nicole Kidman Bewitched, as well as the horrifying American Dreamz (and a lot of people's choices wouldn't even raise a flicker of disgust) so trust me when I say that my secret shame is horrifying:

I'm going to have to go with: Grease 2. I love this movie beyond words. I first owned it on VHS taped from the TV immediately followed by Teen Wolf (I cried when that tape died) I now have two copies one on VHS, one on DVD and the soundtrack. I am aware that I need help.

As to why I love it, there are so, so many reasons. First off we'll have to start with the cast: Michelle Pfeiffer, a young Rex Manning, Shatner's sidekick from TJ Hooker and Liza Minelli's half sister and that's just for starters. I'm still not over my love for the cheerleading twins but that's besides the point. Throughout the film the entire cast is doing some form of faux New Yorkian accent with the exception of Maxwell Caufield who is sporting the best crappy British accent in history. Of course all the accents slip throughout especially when singing. Which brings me on to the singing: Michelle Pfeiffer tries her hardest bless her but watching her sing a solo is excruciating right back round to the point of deliciousness. The songs themselves are so camp it's unreal. Sample Lyrics: "Who's that guy? The man on the cycle.. What would they say if they knew it was Michael?" I mean - how could you not love that? The song "Reproduction" alone deserves an award as does Maxwell Caufield's shaky ballad "Charades" complete with dramatic half lighting and wistful glances.

The plot is brilliant: It's like Grease... but in reverse! Because it's a guy who isn't cool and he's British not Australian! So it's not just the first Grease rehashed, at all! And it has motorcycles! And a talent show! And a luau! The whole thing is so camp and tacky that, for me, it spins around the "so bad it's good" cycle so many times that I often come away with some form of motion sickness.

And, yes. When I watch it I sing along.

I can't believe I just wrote an impassioned defense of Grease 2. If you'll excuse me I have some obscure German cinema to watch in an effort to try and regain even a few cool points.

Who the hell is calling "The Cutting Edge" a guilty pleasure? "The Cutting Edge" is cinematic gold. Anyone who doesn't like that movie is an idiot. So you should never feel ashamed to praise its name.

And I just don't believe in guilty pleasures. For instance, I fucking love "It Takes Two" with the goddamn, motherfucking Olsen twins, Kirstie Alley, and the King of All Awesomeness, Steve Guttenberg. And I don't feel guilty at all. Those little trolls are gajillionaires for a reason.

Also, my new craze is an enlightening lil' flick called "John Tucker Must Die". Pure. Solid. Gold.

So forget the guilt, friends. Just fucking own it, tattoo it on your forehead, and if anyone gives you shit, tie 'em to the railroad tracks.

Is that really the best you guys can do? C'mon. Your list isn't shameful at all. I also don't think I believe in the concept of guilty pleasures, at least not for myself, because I don't feel embarrassed about any of the movies I like, secretly or otherwise. I'll admit that I watch You've Got Mail or A Knight's Tale all the way through whenever they're played on TBS (which is nearly every weekend). I'll be damned if someone is going to make me feel bad for that. Come on folks, own your