Though the writers’ strike has put a certain damper on the awards season this year, there is still plenty of self-congratulation out there to contend with. And since we hate self-congratulation, we’re dead-set on offsetting some of it. So once again, in the sea of Hollywood love, we bring you the second annual Pajiba (Sh)It List. While we’re light on celebrities this year, we’re heavy on certain trends. Moreover, in a few entries, at least, we’re taking a dump on ourselves because there’s nothing more annoying than our own self-satisfied smugness.
American Idol — With another season of “Idol” encroaching to plague the next several months of pop culture landscape, I’m wearily beginning to evoke my deep and bitter hatred of the phenomenon. Let’s get something straight — I’ve never watched an entire episode of “American Idol.” Oh, I tried once, during its oh-so-innocent first season. But ultimately I wasn’t turned on by the whole premise of assholes with stupid hair singing karaoke to shitty songs I don’t like in the first place. I know! Crazy, right? And it would be simple enough, if only I could just turn it off and be done with it. But unfortunately, “American Idol” has culminated in media frenzy, growing with each passing year, unceremoniously jamming itself into every orifice of my person for the duration of its broadcast. Everywhere I turn, it’s “Idol” this and “Idol” that. Predictions! Reactions! Upsets! Scandals! Paula! And that motherfucking synthetic-ass theme song that makes me want to pound corn-cob holders into my ears over and over and over again until the trickling blood silences the dreadful refrain!
In 2007, we were blessed with the sexually ambiguous, possibly retarded Indian prodigy known as Sanjaya — and for the first time in six years I felt a glimmer of hope, fueled by the realization that there were others out there like me. Could it be possible? To take a chink out of the armor covering the beast? With Idol winners these days bearing all the relevance and industry clout of “Star Search” finalists, I can only hope it’s an indication that the end is blissfully, mercifully nigh. — Stacey Nosek
The AMPTP: I’ve talked, bitched, pissed and moaned aplenty about the writer’s strike over the past few months. And while the WGA must surely take some of the blame for this whole debacle — it’d be naive to think otherwise — I’m just fucking livid at the AMPTP (that is, the big studios) and its entirely unreasonable, irrational and hypocritical positions on the big issues which really sit at the heart of the problem. It says that the internet is too “new” to know about what kind of money can be made, while all the studio and network wonks are bragging about how the net is going to be such a cash cow for them (but a “promotional” cash cow, nudge nudge wink wink, so fuck you, writers). The writers were long ago screwed on DVD royalties (something which I think the WGA needs to bend more on now, as it’s kinda a too-little-too-late thing), and now the AMPTP thinks it can pull the same shenanigans again. Well fuck you, AMPTP. Stop trying to union-bust and make some meaningful, realistic and fucking reasonable proposals. There’s more than enough money for everyone to get their taste, so just cut out the posturing and man the fuck up. I want my writer friends to be able to go back to work. I want all the people losing their jobs as a result of this strike to have a meaningful source of income again. And most self-importantly, I wants my TV shows back on the goddamned air. Get busy negotiating, or get busy dying. Assclowns. — Seth Freilich
Berserker Editing: More and more action movies — even great action movies — are copping out on the fight scenes and substituting quick-cuts for choreography. Judging from complaints made throughout 2007, Pajibans have noticed the trend, and they’re demanding a return to artistry that depends on the physicality of the players rather than the attention deficit disorder of the editor (and — it has to be said — a disheartening percentage of movie-goers). It’s gotten so bad in some films that we can barely see what’s going on. While the technique was innovative in early days, and reflects the confusion of violence (points for metaphor), it also defies the receptive mechanics of the human eye and brain, and it exhausted its welcome this year in films like The Bourne Ultimatum, Transformers, The Condemned, and Alien vs. Predator: Requiem. In other words, berserker editing affects the spectrum, from successful films to mediocre product to outright crap. To the filmmakers of 2008: stop cheaping out and let your goddamned fight choreographers do their job. Pay for a few more hours of martial training for your players. Let the camera linger on more than one human motion before cutting to the next shot. Let your actors and stuntspeople actually act the brawl. Show us a holistic fight rather than give us the impression of one, and let fight scenes go ballet again when the fists ball up and the heels start to kick. Convince us. — Ranylt Richildis
Gwyneth Paltrow Syndrome: The analogy of fame as a Faustian bargain has become such a cliché that you’d think film stars would get a clue. Instead, the hunger of would-be actors and musicians to know and be known by millions remains an almost universal drive. Rising stars crave the adulation, privilege, and money of fame. Fortunately for them, we live in a culture that is willing to pay ungodly sums of money to people famous for their entertainment value. This willingness, reflected by box-office, music, and, yes, tabloid sales numbers, makes it rather impossible to make millions as an entertainer without becoming quite famous. As simple as this equation sounds, famous people really are nothing without their audience. Famous actors claim that their “craft” is all important and they never signed up for celebrity, but they cannot separate these intertwined aspects of their careers. Publicity is crucial for performers, and the red-carpeted line is further underscored when celebrities willingly sell photographs of their newborn children and grant exclusivity licenses for certain tabloids to cover their weddings. These celebrities then become annoyed about not being able to go to the gym unnoticed, and whine about wanting an ordinary life. Unfortunately, nobody in life can truly have everything. The paparazzi are the only true barometer of a star’s worth, and if the public isn’t hungry for a particular person’s picture, the photographers’ flashbulbs won’t be popping. Shut up and deal with those little inconveniences, or get the hell out of the million-dollar-making spotlight. — Agent Bedhead
Cultural Elitism: Call it what you will: smugness, intellectualism, pretension, snobbery, fascism, etc. I believe a fellow at Urban Dictionary put it best: A state of delusion in which one (the elitist) believes oneself — and a small group with whom one associates — to be less incompetent or more useful than the rest of society.
The past year has provided everyone with ample opportunity to act like a holier-than-thou self-important hipster dickwad. I mean, Christ on a crack binge, must you continually remind everyone of your supposed superiority? And really, what superiority do you have? Just because you managed to experience something few people didn’t? That is bullshit. If you had climbed Everest, then you could talk some shit. If you had landed on the moon or saved someone’s life, then you get some leeway to act smug. But watching a TV show nobody else did, or listening to an obscure band with a name that sounds like it came from a shredded world literature textbook, or seeing a movie that only plays in two theaters doesn’t make you judge, jury, or executioner in the Court of Taste. And neither does considering anything liked by more than ten people as fodder for the ignorant masses. Can’t someone enjoy a certain person or product without immediately being pelted with bitter denouncements?
But maybe the problem is just me. I am a fairly well-adjusted person. I don’t really carry any emotional baggage, or have any deep psychological scarring that I mask with the help of sarcasm and alcohol. My parents, while not perfect, managed to act like they liked me. I managed to avoid many of the mind-shattering pitfalls most folks around here have suffered throughout their lives. I am just not that bitter and angry. My heart has not turned into a cold, dark furnace fueled by the dying cries of the damned. My overall goal in life is not to crush any signs of hope and light merely because they exist. Maybe that is the real problem … nah, that can’t be it. So in 2008, please do get the fuck over yourself. — Claude Weaver
LOL: I would like to thank Mr. Rowles for giving me a megaphone with which to blast my crusade against LOL and all its derivatives. I recognize it is a futile fight, akin to asking the continents to drift back to their original locales, but it is a war I feel compelled to wage. My own blog has been declared an LOL-free zone and I will cut any motherfucker who crosses me, linguistically speaking of course. I also recognize that I am most likely preaching to the choir ‘round these parts, but as is the goal of most sermons, I hope to inspire believers to carry the gospel outside the church of Pajiba and into the dark reaches of the webulars, entreating whomever you meet to cease and desist with the fucking maddening, meaningless usage of LOL and its progeny.
I remember the first time I encountered LOL. The year was 1999. I was playing canasta online. (Yes, I’m a Parliament-smoking grandmother. What’s your point?) I’d been at it for a while and there was an endless stream of acronyms in the chat window. It took me a while to muster the courage to inquire as to their meaning. Laughing out Loud. Cute. I employed it myself on occasion. That is, when I was in fact, laughing out loud. But it wasn’t long before I realized that either these people have a very low humor threshold or they are motherfucking liars. Furthermore, it is a physical impossibility to be rolling on the floor laughing whilst typing. While there may, in the history of the tubes, be one or two nutbrains who have paused amidst their floorcentric laughing jag to stand and type ROTFLMAO in their chat window, there is no fucking way that shit is happening on a daily basis.
I support hyperbole when creatively employed and I have no problem with internet vernacular in general. As a writer, I am all for the evolution of language. Insisting our means of communication remain static hogties culture. I am not an advocate of linguistic prescriptivism. Just the opposite in fact. Bill Shakespeare and Dan Waters are two of my heroes. They did more for pop culture vernacular than all the sun-deprived l33t creators combined, because their goal in dreaming up new words and phrases was to clarify and strengthen communication, not to simplify it or, worse yet, make it inaccessible to outsiders.
I recognize that not everyone who communicates via the tubes has a strong facility with the written word, and LOL offers an easy means of expressing that one has found something humorous. But while it began as a functional short-hand, because people use it to mean everything from “Humorous” to “Fuck, that made me laugh so hard my co-worker thought I was choking,” it now means nothing. It communicates nothing. It tells me absolutely nothing about how you feel or how you responded. It’s the typed equivalent of inserting “like” in betwixt every five words. At best, it’s a tic. At worst, it’s lazy. At this point in the evolution of internet communication, using it makes you sound like a 12-year-old girl and/or a fucking idiot*. If you’re OK with that, go ahead, LOL away.
*Unless, of course, you’ve attached it to a cute picture of a cat, in which case, awwww. — Beckyloo Who
Misogyny: I love this site like no other, and one of the reasons I do is because of the intelligence and sensibility of its readers. And yet, one of the things that irritates me most is the casual manner with which the word misogyny is thrown about when describing movies with limited or stereotyped roles for women. Yeah, that’s not where you thought this was going, is it? Well, tough shit. Misogyny is defined as “hatred, dislike, or mistrust of women.” If a movie features a woman whose sole claim to fame is her cleavage, or a woman who chooses to have a baby, that’s not misogyny. There was no misogyny in Knocked Up or Superbad. Yet, in the Superbad comment section alone, “misogyny” or one of its derivations was used 26 times — for a movie about a couple of high school kids trying to get laid! For Christ’s sake, if I was guilty of misogyny every time I wanted to have sex at that age, I’d have been executed for war crimes by now. If you want to make the case that the female roles in movies of their ilk are underdeveloped or based on stereotypes, by all means, do so — I’d probably agree with you. For a readership that prides itself on its diction and grammar and understanding of sociological issues, many Pajiba readers fail to understand the significance of the term “misogyny,” and it annoys the hell out of me. I don’t deny that misogyny exists in our world; in fact, I agree that it exists on a large scale. But we devalue the importance of the real issues when we misapply words like this. Is it too much to ask that we use words that suit the subject, instead of tossing out knee-jerk reactions? Finally, let me add this: Chances are if a fellow Pajibite criticizes or disagrees with you, it’s not because they hate women, or blacks or whites or gays or straights. It’s probably because you’re fucking annoying. — TK
Motion Capture: This technique is also called Performance Capture. Or, to keep things brief, Puke. You may have seen it in The Polar Express and Beowulf. I didn’t. I ignored both those movies, so you may wonder why I feel qualified to write about this. It’s because the previews alone offered enough to know that this technology represents everything that’s wrong with movies, culture, nerds, and “progress.”
Is it expensive? Check.
Ugly? Yep.
Pointless? You betcha.
If you need something animated — say, a rat who cooks — then you animate it. If you need a live actor, well, there are thousands of them. Motion capture, though, refuses to accept this neat dualism, choosing instead to ignore our simple, natural needs for the sake of high-level gadget wankery. The actors are turned into soulless, hideous characters with none of the flickering life of real people. But they don’t have the more humane beauty of traditional or modern animation, either. It’s the worst of all worlds. The only possible reason for pursuing this technology is to blur the line between movies and video games. I hold every single person who buys a ticket to one of these sludge-fests accountable for the day when the Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay goes to Final Fantasy XII: Revenant Wings. — John Williams
People Who Talk in the Theater: Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Every single last worthless one of you stupid braindead shits. This is not your home. This is not your space. You are sharing this space with me, and I am younger and smarter and quicker and I could kill you with my mind, so just shut up. When the hell did this even start? People suddenly think it’s OK to speak up or whisper or talk to their friends or significant others or whatever other mouth-breathing bottom-feeding moron they’ve dragged with them to the theater. But the movie theater is not a living room, and you just have to shut up. I’m completely on board with laughing, crying, gasping — any of those pure gut reactions that spring forth unforced when the movie is doing its job. But to talk, to offer commentary, to SPEAK ALOUD ABOUT THE FILM is never acceptable, and it marks you as a giant douchebag. The problem is that it’s everywhere. Even here in Los Angeles, which purportedly can draw (very very) slightly more discerning audiences than other cities, it never fails that there’s always some dumbshit talker sitting near me. I was at the ArcLight to see There Will Be Blood, and when the action shifted to the mansion that Daniel Plainview has built with his oil money, including a shot of a pair of bowling lanes he’d installed in his house, the woman behind me whispered loudly to her friend, “That’s what Uncle Dave could do with his spare room.” Who gives a flying fuck about Uncle Dave’s spare room, lady? What makes you think this is the time — in the middle of a darkened theater, in the film’s final sequence — to talk about your stupid Uncle Dave? I can guarantee that you will never hope to understand what was happening, and I mean really happening, in that movie; no one who was emotionally connected to the film, to any film, would speak up like that. You hear me? No one. You will never get this. You will never get any of this. You will probably not even understand why I’m asking you to shut up or go home and die, so just trust me on this one: I need you, all of you, to stop talking. Forever. Starting right now. — Daniel Carlson
Premature Backlash: The blogging world has always been on the trendsetting forefront; if you are a frequent reader of pop-culture blogs, including our own, you no doubt had a hard-on for Ryan Gosling or Amy Adams long before mainstream America, and you are part of the relatively small percentage of the country who doesn’t think of Joseph Gordon-Levitt as that guy from “3rd Rock From the Sun” anymore. Terms like douchebag and asshat, popularized on sites like Defamer and Fark, are now hitting the mainstream years after they were ubiquitous in the interwebs (though it’s kind of annoying to hear them on “Friday Night Lights”). But I love that about pop-culture blogs — though they are little read by the masses, they are hugely influential in setting the pace in Hollywood. But lately, I’ve noticed a new, unsettling trend: Entertainment blogs are no longer just trying to jump on a bandwagon of love before everyone else — they’re now trying to shit on the next big phenom prematurely. The backlash is no longer proportional to the hype. For example, the second someone mentioned that Shia LaBeouf was destined to be the next Tom Hanks, someone else walked into a room and screamed “Backlash!” and everyone jumped on that bandwagon of hate. Hell, we barely got enough time to form a real opinion about him before the piling on began (in the two roles I’ve seen him in, he’s impressed). Judd Apatow followed up the universally loved The 40-Year-Old Virgin with two successful, solid comedies in the summer of 2007, but by the fall, the backlash had begun. There is one blogging empire that will go unnamed (it rhymes with Mauslib) that, it seems to me, is particularly guilty of this: The smallest whiff of popularity earns immediate backlashitude. Everyone wants to be the first guy to say they hated that actor, director, or new band (some may argue that I am guilty of that myself — see Katherine Heigl), but more and more, the backlash is unjustified, and free passes are revoked, in furtherance of some misguided “I was first to hate that celebrity” cred. Here’s what I’m saying: It’s perfectly acceptable to hate something from the outset (a lot of people had problems with Apatow from the beginning; that’s cool), but if you love something, don’t let us or them or whoever influence you into hating him, her, or it until that hatred has been earned, see, e.g. Zach Braff. Don’t hate because it’s cool to hate, hate because you feel it. Besides, as several comment diversions have proven, it’s a lot cooler to love someone everyone hates than vice versa. — Dustin Rowles
Rehab! It’s Not Just for Quitters Anymore: Nothing scotched my grundle last year like the fuckwit parade of celebrities who blamed alcohol for fundamental character flaws, not to mention the addled media that lapped up the muddied water. Popularized in 2006 by congressman/inept-boy-fondler Mark Foley and actor/fucking-shitheel Mel Gibson, the tactic had already helped raise awareness that booze causes gay pedophilia and egomaniacal racism. Only in 2007, however, did this craven maneuver reach its nadir as a routine celebrity dick-slap to the public face.
The year kicked off with Isaiah Washington entering rehab for calling a “Grey’s Anatomy” co-star a “faggot,” but only after lying denials failed to placate angry fans. “Apology by Rehab” became the favored escape valve for celebrities engaging in assholishness — aka “acting naturally” — such as Slutney attempting to resemble something less than a mortal threat to her own children. With shithead behavior booming, however, the repeated rehab and jail stints of The Four Starletards of the Apocalypse became quaint curiosities.
The absolute low point arrived when the mayor of my home city, Gavin Newsom of San Francisco, blamed alcohol for banging the wife of his political lieutenant and best friend. The scandal broke when Ruby Tourk — whose name cries out for an Urban Dictionary entry — confessed the affair as part of her own substance abuse program. Apparently possessed of a keen sense of irony, Newsom promptly entered … wait for it … rehab! One charitably assumes that on numerous drunken occasions, Newsom became woozy, fell over, and accidentally stabbed Ruby with his man-sword. It couldn’t possibly be that he pointlessly betrayed a trusting friend.
God I hate these people. Gavin, don’t be surprised when the next political ally/best friend/cuckolded husband puts a shiv in your ass. — Ted Boynton
[Editor’s Note: Mr. Boynton wishes to emphasize to the FBI and SFPD that the foregoing was not intended as an actual threat to an elected official — it was the booze talking. After checking in at Promises Malibu, Mr. Boynton offered his sincere apologies.]
VH1: It wasn’t too long ago that E! could handily assert dominance in the competition to spew the most crap across America’s airwaves; the network is to Dumb Hollywood what Tass was to the old Soviet Union. (Was it really that much of a stretch to believe that, in Knocked Up, a couple of dingbats like Katherine Heigl and Kristen Wiig could find steady work at E!?) These days, though, E!’s little more than an also-ran when measured against the unrestrained pabulum being dished out 24/7 on VH1. What started as a little harmless dabbling in the creatively exhausted Reality TV genre has exploded into a Cloverfield-monster-style leviathan, devouring the network’s entire schedule and vomiting it back out all over the viewing public as non-stop “Celebreality.” What’s worse, as with most reality programming of its ilk, the “celebrities” are largely musicians who should be playing state fairs by now (Bret Michaels), actors who never should’ve been fucking famous in the first place (Scott Baio), or once-greats who’ve decided to decimate a hallowed legacy by whoring themselves out for a quick buck (Flavor Flav). Add to that the repugnant neo-minstrelsy of “I Love New York,” and the network’s new slogan “Watch and Discuss” — as if this horseshit were actually something to be contemplated at length over a glass of Chateau D’Yquem ‘76 — and you’ve got a recipe for suffering that makes E! look like PBS. — Chez Pazienza
Christian Bale Shirtless | | Pajiba Love 01/15/08
Comments
Celebreality...
Good christ, you nailed it on that one.
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at January 15, 2008 12:15 PM
haha i enjoy that cultural elitism is an item right in between two items using the words "Faustian" and "progeny."
why can't we all just embrace the term pretentious? what did you do when jerks called you a nerd in high school? you turned to rivers cuomo who told you that "geek chic" would be the hippest thing in the world in 4 years. let's all turn to pajiba and let it say, "don't worry, cultural elitism will be hipper than lolcatz in 4 years. in fact, lolcatz will be using the terms Faustian and progeny in 4 years!"
Posted by: vinniedelpino at January 15, 2008 12:15 PM
I agree with everything on this list wholeheartedly, and would like to contribute one more: text messaging and cell phones in general, particularly in the case of young adults. Not all, mind you, but many.
I can't tell you the number of times I've seen a group of kids together, yet with no interaction between them, as they are all either texting somebody else or are talking to somebody else who I'm assuming, is with another large group of people avoiding each other's company.
And in movie theaters? Are you fucking kidding me?! Cut the fucking cord people - unless you're awaiting news of a dying loved one, a birth, or you're an undercover agent/spy, you have no excuse to not go two and-a-half hours without touching your damned phone.
I was at a huge outdoor concert this past summer, and I swear to god, seventy percent of the people there were on thier friggin cell phones the whole time - WHEN THE MUSIC WAS PLAYING!!!
This has to stop. People must learn to interact with each other again, or we're doomed as doomed can be...
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at January 15, 2008 12:25 PM
Posted by: vinniedelpino at January 15, 2008 12:26 PM
Yeah, I spelled "their" wrong. I was angry...
And I realize typing in all caps is taboo. Again, I blame it on anger...
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at January 15, 2008 12:28 PM
Bravo Pajiba! So much to agree with, it is hard to know where to start. Cultural elitism bugs the heck out of me. I consider myself a decently intelligent person. I have a college degree. I've traveled the world. I interned with one of the most highly regarded independent book publishers in the US. I even spend a fair amount of my free time visiting art museums. But I also watch tv (often such fare as those absurdly addicting America's Next Top Model marathons). I like most chick flicks. On my breaks at work I often read (and enjoy) UsWeekly. I bet even your most ridiculous cultural elitist has some sort of cheesy downfall, whether it be video games or Eddie Murphy movies. It is like a diet, it is all about moderation and balance.
Posted by: Ami at January 15, 2008 12:30 PM
But isn't the Katherine Heigl hate justified from a professionalism standpoint? I can't stand 2-faced people. And call me bitchy but guess what...fuck you for knocking Judd Apatow and his movie AFTER you made it. If you had ANY fucking balls whatsoever you would have read the script and not just your lines, formed some sort of opinion about it and then refused the role. but no...you used it to broker yourself some more Hollywood power. Swunty bitch. Eff off.
Oh...and great list guys. Big ups to TK for taking something to task that's been in my belly for months.
Posted by: PissBoy at January 15, 2008 12:34 PM
i'm so, so, so glad you had the rant about people talking in a theatre. that is my number one pet peeve of all time...but yeah..cultural elitism...that's like..my favorite part of this site! and i totally agree with misogyny rant..if anything, the kids in superbad are guilty of liking women way too much.
Posted by: jimbo at January 15, 2008 12:35 PM
I Can Has Misogyny? LOLZ! (That was for you, Beckyloo)
And amen on the theater people. While sitting through Transformers I was forced to sit in front of a really fat, loud, obnoxious family including:
The white trash father who thought the preview for "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" as the funniest thing in the world.
The fat mother who completely ignored her two bastard children while they talked, loudly.
The 8-9 year old son and his friend, who were the beforementioned loud talkers, including multiple trips to the restroom.
And the 4 year old child who yelled "OPTIMUS!!!!!" every five seconds, standing in the isle, leaning on the back of my seat, and eventually just kicking the shit out of it.
I practiced proper movie theater etiquette. I did the "Turn around and look", then the "Turn around and extended DIRTY look", then finally near the end of the film I just turned around and said "Look, can you shut your little bastard child up? I didn't pay $8.50 to sit through a shitty movie AND the temper tantrum of a ill-managed toddler."
They quieted him down for about 2 minutes. I finally just moved.
Posted by: Haggis at January 15, 2008 12:36 PM
Vinnie.... you are the shit. I bow to you sir.
Posted by: PissBoy at January 15, 2008 12:37 PM
Great list, Pajiba! You hit the nail on the head with VH1 - what the hell happened with that Channel? And speaking of Cloverfield...I would like to add Viral Videos (and hype) to the list...this better be the best damn movie ever and not "The Blairwitch Godzilla" as I'm expecting it to be...
Posted by: Shebbie at January 15, 2008 12:38 PM
I completely agree about people who talk in the cinema. Bastages. I'm usually too scared to tell them off, though!
Beckyloo, I'm neither 12 years old nor a fucking idiot, but I occasionally use LOL. Since I flatter myself that I am otherwise reasonably articulate in my interweb interactions, I feel I have the right to use the occasional acronym if I choose. I'm sorry if you don't like it, but, OTOH, you can kiss my ROTFLMO-ing ass.... ;-)
Posted by: Tarn at January 15, 2008 12:46 PM
I had to stop reading the comments for Superbad, that's how annoying the accusations of misogyny were. I can understand why this movie wouldn't appeal to everyone...but it still was just a comedy. A deliciously vulgar one. About horny teenagers. And dick jokes. And oh, how I fucking love dick jokes. Seth and Evan acted no less sex obsessed than the ladies from Sex and the City...they just did so from the perspective of two lonely, overly eager 18 year-olds.
"In 2007, we were blessed with the sexually ambiguous, possibly retarded Indian prodigy known as Sanjaya..."
Bwa! Too good.
Posted by: Julie at January 15, 2008 12:53 PM
If I may add one more....television channels that scroll ads for their upcoming shows across my screen while I'm watching an actual show. Fox and BBC America are the worst offenders but everyone is in on it. The Simpsons have had the balls to take Fox to task over it, but why isn't there a mass uprising against this? Just before Christmas, I was watching a murder drama on BBCA and as the pathologist turned to the cop and said, "it must be murder but the father isn't responsible because of this" (i.e., pointing to whatever he had found that happened to be in the lower left of my screen, out came the scroll advertising an all day marathon of How Clean is My House. Whatever was covered up by the scroll was absolutely pivotal to the plot, but did they care? This must be stopped.
Posted by: PaddyDog at January 15, 2008 12:53 PM
I agree so unbelievably much with all of this, but especially VH1. I was all about I Love the 90's (being a bit too young to fully appreciate the 80's and way too young to appreciate the 70's) and Best Week Ever, and those mindless Celeb Showdown things. Now it's all washed-up hasbeens doing ridiculous things like "looking for love" (and then coming back for another season). How the mighty have fallen.
Sadly I also agree about the Cultural Elitism, but it did not stop me from rolling my eyes when one of my best friends called The Dukes of Hazzard "cute".
Posted by: CurlieQt at January 15, 2008 12:53 PM
OK...before the premature 'Cloverfield' backlash begins i need to approach something here.
Please stop with the Blair Witch stuff. Number one. this isn't being presented as real like Blair Witch is. It's part of the story. Except, the camera is very literally from a character's point of view. Why can't people just go in to this thing thinking it's going to be a monster movie presented in a slightly original way. Why are you hesitating and having low expectations? Is it because you don't know what the monster looks like in the trailer? JJ Abrams was on 93.3 in Philly yesterday morning and said he cut his trailer together like he did because he feels like with 90% of the movies released today you KNOW the movie from beginning to end in 2 minutes. They use the 5 best jokes and 5 key sequences from the movie and then you are left wanting after seeing the movie, having expected more. I am excited about this movie. Why? Because he's not shooting his load in the 2 minute teasers. I love not knowing anything right now other than a monster attacks the city on the night this guy was having a party and they decided to record it. All the poiler sites out there right now? I just stay away from them.
But c'mon. What justification do you have to have bad feelings going in to this movie? What has JJ Abrams done for the big screen to give you a sour pre-taste? Nothing. That's like telling a child that they're a shitty artist before you even see their sketch. Now if the child is Uwe Boll...well then yeah. burn it. But JJ Abrams has brought one of the 3 or 4 most refreshing hours to television in the last 5 years so he definitely deserves a fair shake. And as for Matt Reeves, with exception of his involvement in Under Siege 2, I'm confident in his ability to tell a story. And the screenwriter...he's done Lost, Alias, Buffy, and Angel. Not a lot there to discredit anyone. TV, no film.
I dunno. Maybe I'm over reacting, but I'm excited about this movie.
Posted by: PissBoy at January 15, 2008 12:54 PM
I've never watched American Idol, I will never watch American Idol, and I think American Idol should only be shown to detainees at Guantanamo Bay.
That being said, I think Idol would have been quite watchable had they just resurrected The Gong Show.
Posted by: The Wanderer at January 15, 2008 1:00 PM
I really, really HATE it when people talk in theatres. My best (worst) example of this is when I went to see The Queen last year and some moron spent the entire film offering brilliant insights such as, "The royal family is kind of cold," or "That stag represents the queen," or my personal favourite, "She was raised in a different time, with different values." No. Shit. Worst of all, his date ATE IT UP like he and his fucking "intellect" were God's gift to the world, and her in particular. Gahhhhhh...
Posted by: MissMaddie at January 15, 2008 1:02 PM
I have to say, I hate the beserker editing in action movies as much as everyone else. Transformers was especially bad. But to be honest, Live Free or Die Hard didn't suffer from this. I thought the actions sequences were all very clearly set up and easy to follow every step of the way. I thought that made the movie very enjoyable, actually.
Posted by: Jeff at January 15, 2008 1:08 PM
"I can't tell you the number of times I've seen a group of kids together, yet with no interaction between them, as they are all either texting somebody else or are talking to somebody else who I'm assuming, is with another large group of people avoiding each other's company."
Skittimus, I do not understand this phenomenon with that age group either...my brother is 20, and being the saintly sister that I am I pay for his cell phone while he's a broke-ass college student. Last month's bill? $30 extra for an excess of text messages-586 to be exact. I had to change my plan to include one THOUSAND messages a month for him...how do these kids not have arthritis by now? Just CALL each other.
I only text when I'm drunk, and they usually read "adjhifuckinglovebeer390(5>7s"
Posted by: Julie at January 15, 2008 1:09 PM
Misogyny: I love this site like no other, and one of the reasons I do is because of the intelligence and sensibility of its readers. And yet, one of the things that irritates me most is the casual manner with which the word misogyny is thrown about when describing movies with limited or stereotyped roles for women. Yeah, that's not where you thought this was going, is it? Well, tough shit. Misogyny is defined as "hatred, dislike, or mistrust of women." If a movie features a woman whose sole claim to fame is her cleavage, or a woman who chooses to have a baby, that's not misogyny. There was no misogyny in Knocked Up or Superbad. Yet, in the Superbad comment section alone, "misogyny" or one of its derivations was used 26 times -- for a movie about a couple of high school kids trying to get laid! For Christ's sake, if I was guilty of misogyny every time I wanted to have sex at that age, I'd have been executed for war crimes by now. If you want to make the case that the female roles in movies of their ilk are underdeveloped or based on stereotypes, by all means, do so -- I'd probably agree with you. For a readership that prides itself on its diction and grammar and understanding of sociological issues, many Pajiba readers fail to understand the significance of the term "misogyny," and it annoys the hell out of me. I don't deny that misogyny exists in our world; in fact, I agree that it exists on a large scale. But we devalue the importance of the real issues when we misapply words like this. Is it too much to ask that we use words that suit the subject, instead of tossing out knee-jerk reactions? Finally, let me add this: Chances are if a fellow Pajibite criticizes or disagrees with you, it's not because they hate women, or blacks or whites or gays or straights. It's probably because you're fucking annoying. -- TK
bolded and italicized for truth.
Posted by: CAPSLOCKGO at January 15, 2008 1:10 PM
Excellent list, particularly on the Premature Backlash & Rehab aspects. I'm pleased to say that I've known Heigl was a shit ever since "My Father the Hero"; even then something just felt off about her.
As for rehab, what the hell is that about? Now, people just have to be a little tired, or stub their fucking toe in order to get a spot in rehab.
Talking in theaters...I get more annoyed when people answer their damn phones during the movie. I just wanna turn around and throw a shoe at them and yell "Take it outside, asshole!!"
Posted by: Brie at January 15, 2008 1:12 PM
Can I vent for a moment? Okay. Thanks.
I hate Bluetooth headsets. There is no way in hell that you are SO important that you have to carry on a very loud, obnoxious, and personal conversation in the line of the deli at the grocery store. I do not care about your day, your life, or even your continued existence in my life. If you are So important that you must be surgically attached to said Bluetooth device, then you should stay the hell home until siad business is taken care of and you can act like a civilized human in public and not annoy everyone in a 15 foot radius. If you do feel the need to continue to carry on a personal conversation in public, you should stay far away from me and not impede my plans for that day so that I do not remove the device and destroy it in front of you. You should also be forced to be alone and have to listen to yourself talking on that stupid, moronic device every single waking moment of your life and not be allowed to procreate.
Thanks. Now I feel so much better.
VH1 totally deserves it. It also amuses me to no end that on a page containing a rant against American Idol that there is an ad for the "album" of an Idol "winner".
Posted by: Melody at January 15, 2008 1:17 PM
SO on board with the hatred of movie theatre talking. Last time we went to the movies, it seemed as though the MAJORITY of people in the theatre were talking throughout the movie, and there was actually a group of kids repeating everything another group was saying to each other. Mockingly. It felt like study hall.
Skittimus Maximus - YES YES YES on the text messaging hate. I can't stand it. I haven't actually heard my sister-in-law's voice in months because she prefers texting. I can't fucking stand it or her anymore.
Paddydog - I was watching Prison Break last night and I was bitching about the flashes of ads for The Sarah Connor Chronicles. It's too much. If we want to watch that show, we will, and no amount of reminding will convince us to tune in if we haven't already decided to.
Posted by: Kolby at January 15, 2008 1:19 PM
I think "jackasses that kick the back of your seat" should be grouped with people who talk in the theater, as well as people who text during a film.
Also, my biggest pet peeve in movies and tv shows? Shoes. worn. all. the fucking. time. It's a completely personal thing, but every house I have ever lived in, and every house I have ever visited required a person to TAKE OFF their fucking shoes at the front door. The only time you didn't was when you forgot your wall, ran like hell on the carpet, and ran back out. And yet, every fucking movie and tv show, they just walk around the house with shoes. Seriously, who cooks in heels? Who watches tv with shoes on?? Is this an American thing that I just can't wrap my head around???
Posted by: kdm at January 15, 2008 1:20 PM
A couple of quesitons:
"Mauslib"? What blog is that, pray tell. I honestly couldn't figure it out. Maybe give me another rhyme.
"The Four Starletards of the Apocalypse". Britney, Paris, Lindsay... who's the fourth? The three of them a god damned tsunami, earthquake, and frogs falling from the sky of Los Angeles, but for the life of me I can't figure out which starlet is the death of our collective first born.
Nicole Richie? She's always been too much of a hanger on than anything else. The same could be said for any Kardashian that might be swinging on a pole this week (including the nine-year-old). Besides Nicole just gave birth, so shes gonna have to stay home for a week until she weans the little junk baby off her shrivelled teat and then eats it for nourishment and then purges the little bugger back out.
Amy Winehouse? I never figured her to be of that scene, what with her stuck in England with the bad skin and teeth. The first three girls are way too LA for that. It's like she's the Sex Pistols of skankitude to their Raomones.
Dear God did I just call Britney Spears a Ramone?
Tara Reid? Misha Barton? Please. They do not even begin to approach the black hole of slut that are these three spindly-legged gaimines. Please, pray tell, who in your mind is Slut Horse Number Four?
Posted by: Withnail at January 15, 2008 1:23 PM
Oh, Paddydog - That pisses me off so much. I hate missing important visual cues because some network asshole decides that there has to be a scrolling preview, or even worse, permanent network logos. Grrrr.
As for the list? I couldn't agree more. But I'll stop here, 'cause otherwise I'd be ranting all day, and treating you all to a 10 page essay on all the things that drive me nuts in the entertainment industry.
Besides, this post is already too long.
Posted by: pinkcheese at January 15, 2008 1:25 PM
"adjhifuckinglovebeer390(5>7s"?
At least that's more understandable than 90 percent of what I've seen...
"so wat r u dong L8r? OMg i cnt w8 2 go out 2nite i luv txtg peepl pls shoot me in tha hed now. ROTFLMAOASWVU!!!"
P.S. that last bit was "rolling on the floor laughing my ass off and soon will vomit uncontrollably".
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at January 15, 2008 1:27 PM
Lost and Alias? Both turned to shit after 2-3 seasons. That's more than enough reason for me to prematurely despise anything JJ & Co are behind for the foreseeable future.
we were blessed with the sexually ambiguous, possibly retarded Indian prodigy known as Sanjaya
LOL. (Yes Becky, I promise it really did.)
Posted by: Gabs at January 15, 2008 1:27 PM
I am a fairly well-adjusted person. I don't really carry any emotional baggage, or have any deep psychological scarring that I mask with the help of sarcasm and alcohol.
Claude, you say that like it's a bad thing. And all this time, I thought that was the ONE thing we all had in common here in Pajibaland. I may have baggage and scarring and somewhat weird parents, but for me, the sarcasm and alcohol are my rewards for such suffering, not a means to conceal it.
So, Claude- tell me, what brings you to Pajiba, anyway? It can't just be a love of movies. That's what IMDB is for.
Posted by: Go Big Red at January 15, 2008 1:27 PM
Aww. You know, the cultural elitism on Pajiba gets to be a bit much at times (count me in on the "too-well-adjusted-to-lord-my-obscure-interests-over-others" category), but then you all collaborate to produce this awesomely self-aware, highly reflective, gut-bustingly hilarious list and make me fall in love with you all over again. Mr. Weaver and Agent Bedhead, you're spot on; Beckyloo, you are one funny lady; and Mr. Carlson...well, nobody else can throw a tantrum the way you do.
Posted by: tt_marie at January 15, 2008 1:28 PM
Man, I love it here.
Posted by: Sean at January 15, 2008 1:29 PM
kdm - I don't know where you are from, but I wear my shoes all the time at home (only partly because of the scorpions - no, I'm not kidding.) As for other people's houses, I'd never think to take my shoes off unless I was invited to. That seems to be taking far too much of a liberty in someone else's home. So I guess maybe it is an American thing.
Posted by: pinkcheese at January 15, 2008 1:31 PM
Kdm: For what it's worth, I'm not American and we never took our shoes off in the house growing up (in Ireland). I always thought it was an American thing to take shoes off. I have never asked anyone to take their shoes off when they come to my house (in the US). It seems hypocritical to me to ask someone to walk around in their socks to spare my house the dirt while I have two large dogs who never wipe their paws. Also, I hate when other people ask me to take my shoes off in their houses because I'm always afraid my socks will smell from having walked around inside of shoes all day.
Posted by: PaddyDog at January 15, 2008 1:33 PM
WOAH! what happened to "Preview Post"?? You mean I have to pay attention to what I'm typing now?
Posted by: Go Big Red at January 15, 2008 1:36 PM
"I hate Bluetooth headsets. There is no way in hell that you are SO important that you have to carry on a very loud, obnoxious, and personal conversation in the line of the deli at the grocery store."
Melody, you have seen into my soul.
Posted by: tt_marie at January 15, 2008 1:39 PM
"Cultural Elitism" eh?
Would it be considered irony to find elitism in this list because it's on this site? Me thinks so. Thanks for mentioning one of the problems plaguing society...how about general apathy?
Posted by: SpideyMizzou at January 15, 2008 1:43 PM
Oh, gawd, talking and texting in the theatre makes me want to put that giant tub 'o corn over the offender's head and pound them. I am in community theatre, and I cannot tell you how many times we ask people to turn off or mute their phones before the show. Invariably, someone's phone would ring. During our high school's production of Romeo and Juliet, we had a louding crying baby in the front row, who's mother was too damn stupid to take the kid outside. Then, the same slack-jawed yokelette's cell phone rang loudly during the show. She finally took bawling kid and loud and fussy toddler out to the lobby to take her phone call. The second she stepped out, her toddler saw the shiny red pull lever for the fire alarm, and set it off!!!! So, the entire theatre had to be evacuated. When they returned. Juliet added a line..."with crying babies, ringing phones, and fire alarms, I might as well just kill myself."
Parents will sit right next to their annoying bratty turds of children during a play,concert or movie and NEVER TELL THEM NOT TO TEXT OR TALK during show. They will also play their friggin' DS's during the show. If your kid wants to talk or text or play, WHY DO YOU PAY MONEY TO TAKE THEM SOMEWHERE SO THEY CAN ANNOY OTHERS WHILE THEY DO IT???
I will admit, though, sometimes those talking in the theatre can be funny....at the end of "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" there was a line about Voldemort...can't remember the exact line, but the response from someone in the audience was "NO SHIT!!"
If you are going to add something amusing, or, if, as someone remarked that the sound went out on the really, horribly bad film they were seeing and the audience can make up their own lines, great. Otherwise, shut yer yap!!!
Posted by: dammitjanet at January 15, 2008 1:45 PM
Y'know another thing that irks me? Cable Stations. All of 'em. Enough with the all day "Law & Order" and "Monk" and "Without a Trace" marathons. No more "Enjoy Erin Brockovich - Four nights in a row!" Give it a rest with the exact same show airing twice in a goddamed row... Keep in mind this was prior to the writer's strike (godblessemihopetheygetwhattheydeserve).
And why in anybody's right mind would a purchase of the comlpete "King of Queens" or "Everybody Loves Ramond" series make ANY sense, when one can find both shows pretty much any time of day on a number of given channels?
When aliens roam our planet looking for signs of the civilization that once remained, all they're apt to find are landfills consisting of "complete seasons" of pure poo.
Not everything deserves a DVD treatment. I'm looking at you "Perfect Strangers"...
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at January 15, 2008 1:46 PM
Berserker editing.
Good call on that. I think "Gladiator" was the first time it really began to annoy me. The opening scene of that movie was fantastic. There was a great feel the whole thing. The tactics, the charge, the firey pitch, the battle with the Gauls. It was brilliant until... the action started. I could barely figure out what the hell was going on. It was a bunch of quick cuts of a muddy Russell Crowe swinging his sword. It was very disappointing. The movie just got worse from there...
One of the things I liked most about "300" was that you it allowed you to see everything that was going on. All the kick-ass moves that were happening if the foreground and background were brought to you in bloody, often slow-motioned detail. The movie was all about a bunch of bad asses kicking ass and it certainly revelled in that aspect of it.
Posted by: Ajax19 at January 15, 2008 1:47 PM
I may have baggage and scarring and somewhat weird parents, but for me, the sarcasm and alcohol are my rewards for such suffering, not a means to conceal it.
Brilliant!
Posted by: pixie girl at January 15, 2008 1:52 PM
"Not everything deserves a DVD treatment. I'm looking at you "Perfect Strangers"..."
Blasphemy! The first commandment I live by is "Thou shalt not take the Bartokomous's name in vain."
:hands back Pajiba credentials:
Posted by: Julie at January 15, 2008 1:53 PM
Oh, and the next time I am watching something, and that fargin' flash ad pops up and blocks what I am actually supposed to be seeing, and I invite PaddyDog to join me, I am driving the network headquarters and personally setting fire to whatever fuckwit ok'ed that shit!
Posted by: dammitjanet at January 15, 2008 1:53 PM
... Premature backlash... I think this is our last year in a quiet, orderly, pretentious internetville. Elbow room is getting harder to find. Lol.
Posted by: Brian at January 15, 2008 1:53 PM
Here's a thought. In some cultures it is acceptable to talk in the movie theater. If you don't like it, then perhaps you should stay at home.
Posted by: Dagny at January 15, 2008 1:54 PM
Yeah, well, in some cultures women aren't allowed to drive and must cover themselves from head to toe whenever they leave the house. Just because it is "acceptable" in "some cultures", doesn't make it right. Some cultures accept a lot of stupid, fucked up shit.
Posted by: Ajax19 at January 15, 2008 2:01 PM
I want to second the complaints on ads running DURING the show. I realize this is due in no small part to the proliferation of DVR's, but COME ON!!!! While the "big four" networks are guilty as charged on this, the worst offenders are on cable. I mean, do we really need a graphic of Keira Segdwick coming out of the left hand of my screen to advertise an upcoming episode of "The Closer" while in the middle of AN EPISODE OF "THE CLOSER?!?!?!" Jesus H. Christ on cracker, TNT!
Posted by: Armando at January 15, 2008 2:03 PM
I want to second the complaints on ads running DURING the show. I realize this is due in no small part to the proliferation of DVR's, but COME ON!!!! While the "big four" networks are guilty as charged on this, the worst offenders are on cable. I mean, do we really need a graphic of Keira Segdwick coming out of the left hand of my screen to advertise an upcoming episode of "The Closer" while in the middle of AN EPISODE OF "THE CLOSER?!?!?!"
Posted by: Armando at January 15, 2008 2:03 PM
When providing "hatred, dislike, or mistrust of women" as the definition of misogyny, it is crucial that a definition for "women" itself is agreed upon. Does "women" refer to the entire human, or just the sexual human organism as it can be distinguished by its reproductive organs?
Because, TK, both your subjective (acting as objective) assertion that Superbad is not misogynistic and your subsequent condemnation of every posted comment using the word "misogyny" or one of its derivatives seems to strongly discourage open discussion and debate of movies and issues on this site.
I understand that the open exchange of ideas may not be in the spirit of the sites self-styled "scathing reviews for bitchy people," but I believe evolution and growth depend on this exchange, however much you may personally disagree with some of the contributions. And personally, I think Pajiba's "scathing" reviews (and the breadth of releases covered) could stand improvement.
Posted by: djfox at January 15, 2008 2:03 PM
I generally loathe myself because of my cultural elitism, but I can't figure out if my loathing is justified. Am I truly a dick, or is it just that our standards for quality media are at their lowest point ever and my increasingly-public disdain is justified? Probably yes and yes.
Posted by: Greg H at January 15, 2008 2:04 PM
I was just ranting with a co-worker yesterday about talking in movie theaters. She now refuses to even go to theaters. I still hold out hope and keep submitting myself to the possibility of committing homicide.
I saw Juno in a packed theater and AvP 2 in a mostly empty theater in the same week. Silence at Juno (but for appropriate emotional responses). Unending yapping at AvP AND I got to enjoy the flashing blue light of someone's Bluetooth ear piece for the first 20 minutes.
I recognize that AvP is a crappy action movie. But I enjoy crappy action movies and I paid $11.75 to see said crappy action movie so please for the love of all things holy, shut the fuck up.
Posted by: Smello at January 15, 2008 2:04 PM
Interesting entry. A bit preachy for my taste, but venting always has its place.
Story time! The section on talking in the theater reminded me of a hilarious high school anecdote. Thanks for the memories, D. Carlson!
I don't recall how old I was, but I remember being in the audience for "Scream 3" opening weekend. Less than ten minutes into the movie, a baby starts crying. The baby starts crying, people start to get annoyed, baby cries more, people start to rumble, baby cries more... Ever the outspoken one, I yelled, from across the theater... "SHUT THAT BABY UP." The woman/mother/hellbeast stood up, screaming violently, "Who fuckin' said that? I paid for my ticket too! Get the fuck up, what the fuck, fuck fuck fuck..." The tirade continued until I stood up to continue my instigation and confront the problem. At this point, the movie was no longer important to anyone in the theater. It was preppy closet-case versus ghetto mom-trash who at THIS point was so animated that the baby swung precariously around her waist, crying, of course, all the while. Once the mother saw me stand, she immediately, baby in tow, started down her aisle, I can only assume to "kick my ass" (as was stated several times). Now when I say the theater was crowded, I mean every seat was taken. So here comes mom, trying to stomp tough-like, with a baby on her hip and about fifteen people in the row between her and the aisle. So now, people just start getting into it, and I amass an army of haters who pile onto my insults with more insight into her parenting techniques. She, though, also has a posse that, though small in number, is big in heart, with a vocabulary consisting of mainly four-letter words. They join in her quest to reach the aisle, and "kick my ass" (though at this point, they would have had a good fight on their hands had my fellow baby-haters actually stood their ground). Well, someone must have alerted the staff, because at the moment the woman reaches the aisle, still carrying the baby, she was literally swarmed by pimple-faced movie security, including an awesome rent-a-cop. To this, she responds by SHOVING THE BABY AT THE RENT-A-COP TO HOLD AND TRYING TO PUSH THROUGH THE PIMPLE-FACES. The sensible member of her posse grabs her and the baby and pulls her toward the exit. Posse with screaming baby exit the theater, and everyone starts to cheer.
Cheering was a gut reaction. I think it's acceptable by D. Carlson's standards of appropriate audience behavior.
Posted by: David at January 15, 2008 2:05 PM
When providing "hatred, dislike, or mistrust of women" as the definition of misogyny, it is crucial that a definition for "women" itself is agreed upon. Does "women" refer to the entire human, or just the sexual human organism as it can be distinguished by its reproductive organs?
Because, TK, both your subjective (acting as objective) assertion that Superbad is not misogynistic and your subsequent condemnation of every posted comment using the word "misogyny" or one of its derivatives seems to strongly discourage open discussion and debate of movies and issues on this site.
I understand that the open exchange of ideas may not be in the spirit of the sites self-styled "scathing reviews for bitchy people," but I believe evolution and growth depend on this exchange, however much you may personally disagree with some of the contributions. And personally, I think Pajiba's "scathing" reviews (and the breadth of releases covered) could stand improvement.
Posted by: djfox at January 15, 2008 2:07 PM
Thank you SO much Mr. Carlson. Why am I always the one made to feel like a crazy bitch when I tell talkers during movies to be quiet? It's all becoming too much for me, and it's getting worse. Last time I went to a movie the person in front of me was actually having a conversation on a CELL PHONE.
I've had it with movie audiences, they somehow feel as if they're entitled to EVERYTHING.
Anyways, I'm glad you let it out Dan...it seemed like you were overdue for a freak out.
Posted by: citizen_cris at January 15, 2008 2:08 PM
"I hate Bluetooth headsets. There is no way in hell that you are SO important that you have to carry on a very loud, obnoxious, and personal conversation in the line of the deli at the grocery store."
Melody, you have seen into my soul.
Posted by: tt_marie at January 15, 2008 1:39 PM
-----------------------------------------------------
Thanks Marie. While I too hate many things listed, there is nothing, and I mean nothing, that incites rage in me like a moron with a Bluetooth.
Posted by: Melody at January 15, 2008 2:09 PM
Aw, no one is going to rise to the defense of VH1? I guess I'm awesome for loving something everyone hates. The thing about VH1 is that it knows it's stupid; it knows it's trashy; it delights in taking ridiculous, insane people and beaming them into our TVs and, in some cases, our hearts. Unlike MTV, which has always taken itself pretty seriously with less and less reason to over the years, VH1 just shrugs and says "Fuck it." And that's the spirit I watch it in; I could be reading a book, but Lordicus, there are times when I just need to sit back and laugh and laugh and know that if the people at the network were sitting next to me, they'd be all, "I know, right?!"
Posted by: Geetch at January 15, 2008 2:16 PM
I love this list. I especially love the Cultural Elitism and Premature Backlash portions. I could not agree more. I am so tired of hearing people complain about stuff that they used to like just because it has become popular. I mean, don't you want the people you like to succeed.
Posted by: Erin at January 15, 2008 2:21 PM
Mr. Claude Weaver (isn't there a Roman numeral after your last name?): Let me first say A-fucking-MEN! I have increasingly become annoyed with people in certain age brackets who act like they are the cat's pajamas (just because they like the most obscure bands or authors) when they are nothing but a glorified extra in this thing we call life. I understand that people have diverse tastes, but give me a fucking break. (*I will be using the collective you to describe the cultural elitists*) Belittling others because they don't share your exquisite taste that is your pompous lifestyle is absurd. Sure you may listen to some thought provoking music by this very melancholy and deep individual, but how does that make you better than me? Have you cured cancer? Are you trying to decrease America's dependency on oil? Yeah, most of these cultural elitists have done jack shit for society. When and if they do something for society and being a pain in the ass does not count, then they can hold heir questionable superiority over me. Also, you know that people who are pretentious are usually hiding some deep dark musical choice from the past, like The Wiggles or Kyle Minogue (just FYI, I like Kylie). Done with incomprehensible rant.
I would like to discuss the point that you, Mr. Weaver, made that stated in so many words that only people who are not well-adjusted succumb to cultural elitism. I would like to say that cultural elitism strikes at will; however, the people that it does strike, well-adjusted or not, are people who are so self-involved that they are unable to put their own lives in perspective. Just my half cent there.
Posted by: Gigi Worthington at January 15, 2008 2:25 PM
Brilliant bilious list. Thanks from the bottom of my black little heart.
What I love the most is how the comment thread just totally lit up with awesome responses. Nothing like a little hate to get people flapping their jaws.
"I was at a huge outdoor concert this past summer, and I swear to god, seventy percent of the people there were on thier friggin cell phones the whole time - WHEN THE MUSIC WAS PLAYING!!!"
Man, oh man. At the last big concert I attended, I too was disturbed at the sheer number of people texting and even talking on their mobiles during the concert, which was pretty dang loud. Lawdy, I can't hardly hear when I'm on my phone in the frelling grocery store, let alone a concert.
But what really weirded me out was during the "slow songs" instead of lighters lifted high, out came cell phones all aglimmer. And I felt all of my three decades right in that moment. I'm a galdarn geriatric.
L33t speak drives me insane. It's one thing to use an abbreviation or an acronym. But writing like a fat-fingered illiterate baboon is lazy and ignorant. I fear for my young son; may he never stoop so low.
PaddyDog- Every time my viewing pleasure is interrupted by a flash ad, I point at the television and scream like one of the pod people from "Invasion of the Body Snatchers".
God bless you, TK. There have been times when I have even called myself a misogynist because of the hate I have in my heart towards my fellow females who so casually throw that word around.
Posted by: Alabamapink at January 15, 2008 2:26 PM
The last time I talked in a theatre was during Hot Fuzz; specifically, one of the scenes involving that old intelligible guy. My friend turned to me and whispered "What did he say?" to which I loudly replied "Cocks!" And I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Posted by: Lisa at January 15, 2008 2:29 PM
berserker editing .... it ruined " bourne ultimatum " but was even more annoying during the richard gere dance sequences in " chicago". the positive spin is that the editors are being creative when the truth is that they are simply burying the fact that richard gere can't dance. someone needs to mention the hand held camera while we are on the subject of major annoyances.
Posted by: snake at January 15, 2008 2:36 PM
Great list. I especially share your feelings for Talking In Theatres, LOLs and the Gwyneth Syndrome.
And while we're adding some peeves in the comments, can I please request a moratorium on the idea that any criticism or disagreement with someone or something is "hating" (or, worse, "hating ON")? If I think, say, that American Idol sucks, it doesn't mean I hate Ryan Seacrest or that guy who says "dogg" all the time. It just means I don't like Idol.
In my experience, "hating" someone takes a lot of investment of energy, emotion and time. Why would I hate someone that I barely have the inclination to care about at all, beyond experiencing their work and finding it doesn't appeal to me? It's just an opinion, not a jihad.
Posted by: kushiro at January 15, 2008 2:37 PM
DJFOX - Thank you. Move on.
Misogyny = Captivity, Hostel 2
Funny Dick Jokes = SuperBad, Knocked Up
Take this delusive arguement elsewhere please.
Posted by: PissBoy at January 15, 2008 2:39 PM
Quick comment on the shoes thing: most asian and pacific island cultures consider walking around in someone's home with your shoes on rude. Plus, it tracks in dirt and can mess up the carpet. I personally feel really weird wearing shoes in someone's home and only keep them on if there's extenuating circumstances (like it's super super cold or we're going to leave in a moment).
That said - thank you Pajiba. Thank you thank you thank you. Now if only any of those idjits in Hollywood are paying attention...
Posted by: maylai at January 15, 2008 2:40 PM
extra 'E'...dammit...what happened to preview?!!!??!!
Posted by: PissBoy at January 15, 2008 2:40 PM
Just wanted to pop in and thank 'Bama for her use of the word "bilious." A truly underrated and under-used adjective.
That is all. As you were.
Posted by: TK at January 15, 2008 2:45 PM
I loled, I rofled, hell I even built a roflcopter. But big ups to Beckyloo. I abhor the textification of America! I rarely text, preferring actual communication, but when I do, I have to send several at once, because I take the time and the effort to spell out every word that I use. I mean honestly, WTFBBQ. It is not that hard to say "By the way" as opposed to BTW. But then to add another wrinkle. When did the verb, the fucking verb, fail turn into a goddamned noun! When someone screws up they fail, they are failing, they have failed. You simply just don't put fail! There is no such thing as a language of Fail. I'm sure I could come up with a billion other examples, but that would require effort and then my blood would be boiling, stuff will start blowing up via my mind powers(thank you S.H.I.T.!), and people will die. All in the name of some goddamned grammar etiquette. FTW!
Posted by: ScarletKnight at January 15, 2008 2:45 PM
Add me to the list of people who hate people on their phones in the theater. I don't care what the movie is--I paid to see it, not your cell phone screen. And yes, I can see it from here. It's the brightest thing in the whole damn place.
Posted by: Kate at January 15, 2008 2:46 PM
Lisa, you are hereby exempted from the "no talking rule"!!
Posted by: dammitjanet at January 15, 2008 2:49 PM
When providing "hatred, dislike, or mistrust of women" as the definition of misogyny, it is crucial that a definition for "women" itself is agreed upon. Does "women" refer to the entire human, or just the sexual human organism as it can be distinguished by its reproductive organs?
Because, TK, both your subjective (acting as objective) assertion that Superbad is not misogynistic and your subsequent condemnation of every posted comment using the word "misogyny" or one of its derivatives seems to strongly discourage open discussion and debate of movies and issues on this site.
I understand that the open exchange of ideas may not be in the spirit of the sites self-styled "scathing reviews for bitchy people," but I believe evolution and growth depend on this exchange, however much you may personally disagree with some of the contributions. And personally, I think Pajiba's "scathing" reviews (and the breadth of releases covered) could stand improvement.
This is the longest and most brilliantly-composed non sequitur I have ever read.
I especially appreciate how it was posted twice. Perhaps the composer was concerned that people might not have noticed it the first time around.
Let's see:
Taking exception to a call for correct usage of words by quibbling about a definition which was excerpted directly from a dictionary. Muddying what was perfectly clear; kudos!
Assertions that TK said things which he did not say in the piece, followed by concluding, based on said specious assertions, that Pajiba is headed towards censorship.
...Finally, a wrap-up paragraph which is a veiled call for--whoa!--censorship. "Freedom of speech is paramount; you are advocating the correct usage of words, which is oppressive; you must be silenced!"
I'm speechless.
LOL.
Posted by: Jerce at January 15, 2008 2:55 PM
I'm pretty much down with our esteemed Pajeeva Overlords on this article, except on the "premature backlash" paragraph.
Sorry but cannot agree, all these: Shias, Colins Goslings, Lohans, Albas, Knightleys bleh...ALL of them, are severely lacking. They're manufactured and shoved down our collective throats by a cynical machine that KNOWS they're not "all that" yet tells US: "this IS what you will like."
No, thank you, I'll pass.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 15, 2008 2:57 PM
Along the lines of LOL, "UR" pisses me off to no fucking end. How fucking hard is it to type "you are" or "you're"?
A lot of stuff on blogs is damn near unintelligible with all of the abbreviation. I think it's starting to get to the point where, if you asked someone to spell out what they're abbreviating, they wouldn't be able to do it.
Posted by: RAT at January 15, 2008 3:01 PM
About a month ago, I saw a USB gadget that sent a shiver down my spine - a keypad about half the size of a standard mousepad, that had the goddam phone layout on it. This is for people that text faster than they can type...
Sometimes, after I've had several drinks and can no longer speak in complete sentences or stand up without struggling to maintain my balance, I weep openly for the future.
A suggestion for a diversion? A snarky diversion? How about what people'll find in a time capsule fifty years from now? Assuming we're not overtaken by robots, of course.
Will they be amazed? Or simply shake their collective heads with a "Shoulda listened to Pajiba"...
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at January 15, 2008 3:02 PM
Along the lines of LOL, "UR" pisses me off to no fucking end. How fucking hard is it to type "you are" or "you're"?
A lot of stuff on blogs is damn near unintelligible with all of the abbreviation. I think it's starting to get to the point where, if you asked someone to spell out what they're abbreviating, they wouldn't be able to do it.
Posted by: RAT at January 15, 2008 3:02 PM
I try not to buy into American Idol. I've never been a devout follower, I'll catch an episode here and there if I'm subjected to it via my Best friend, or there's completely fuck all to watch. I have to admit, I usually have a good idea of who will win the competition. Some call it intuition, I personally call it observant nature having an IQ. Recently I came in to some interesting information about this show.
Truthfully it's not that shocking. It re-affirms the everlasting douchery that is American Idol. They hire actors to make complete asses of themselves, just to cash in on ratings. I know this because a really good friend works with one of the actors who has recently been broadcasted for the promo's on CTV in Canada. Yes, it's not shocking at all. I had already suspected it, as most people have. I mean, how ridiculous does it have to get? I've often wondered how some of those asinine people actually made it through to auditions. Sadly, we all know it's all for the ratings. But to actually hire paid actors to make complete fools of themselves? The joke is on the viewers. They are making asses of you America. You are the butt of their big fat joke........ Personally I can't stand the first episodes showcasing the auditions. I get too embarrassed to watch people act a fool. Funny, those are the episodes my mom likes to watch. I can't wait to see her face when I tell her that Simon Cowell really is laughing at her and not with her
Posted by: Jax at January 15, 2008 3:02 PM
Neo-Minstrelsy...an awesome new phrase. It certainly describes I Love New York, as well as every time a minority chooses to reinforce a stereotype.
Ever notice how people who yell and scream on reality shows think they are making a point, but only look trashy and ridiculous? Oh, did that bitch "disrespect" you? Well by all means scream unintelligibly and spit in her face! Someone doesn't appreciate you bringing a baby to the movies? The only recourse is to loudly proclaim how you are going to kick their ass. Generations before you have fought to make sure you can be as loud, obnoxious, rude and ignorant as you please and dammit, you will make them proud.
Posted by: numchuck at January 15, 2008 3:04 PM
on the LOL point you just made RAT...I know exactly what you mean.
I've spoken french for close to 15 years. My 2nd year was in highschool. On a test, over and over I spelled the word 'beaucoup' incorrectly as 'Boku' all because of that dumb fucking juice drink that was so popular at the time. I was trop pissed because you learn how to use and spell beaucoup properly within the first 3 weeks of speaking french. ...goddammit.
DAMN YOU RICHARD LEWIS!!!!!
Posted by: PissBoy at January 15, 2008 3:05 PM
Daniel, may I add to your "People who talk in the theater" a brief tirade on people who bring infants to the theater. Your baby cannot understand or enjoy a movie. The loud noises and bright lights are just going to upset it, and then it's going to cry and howl and piss me off. I paid $8-$10 to watch this movie, and I politely declined the "crying baby ruins your moviegoing experience" option. If you can't afford or don't have time to find a sitter, then you can't afford and don't have time to go to the movies. I have no problem with people who have kids. Kids are great. But when you have them, you assume certain responsibilities, and you have to make certain sacrifices, and those responsibilities and sacrifices include raising your kids to be people who don't bug the hell out of everyone, and keeping them out of sight and earshot when they aren't old enough to stop themselves from being people who bug the hell out of everyone. It's not the baby's fault it's in a movie theater; it's the bad parent's fault, and bad parents raise bad people. So step up, or stop popping them out.
Posted by: Cady at January 15, 2008 3:12 PM
One thing that really bugs me in general is the way that parents now adays start treating younger and younger kids older and older. Case in point:
1. A store in malls called Club Libby Lou, in which 5-9 year olds are dressed up in tight black fuck-me pants, lip gloss, make-up, then given fake microphones and are allowed to pretend that they are like britney and christina. Basically, they turn their kids into sluts before they even know what sex is.
2. 7-9 year olds with cell phones. No child who cannot drive or is not allowed to venture out without their parents should be allowed to have a cell phone. I work at an elementary school at the first graders are bragging about their parents buying them phones. For what? Who is going to call? What emergency? When is a six year old out bythemselves? If they are, why? They are a child.
3. Taking kids to R rated movies. One, they talk, two, they are too fucking young to watch most of that shit.
4. Hannah fucking montana, High School Musical, and Jamie Lynn Spears.
5. Because of the complaints of a few parents, my school is not allowed to serve the following for lunch:
sloppy joes, ice-cream, cookies, and most recently...butter...I'd just like to say to the fuckwit parents out there who are ruining it for everyone else: take care of your own fucking kid! If you don't want them eating certain things, then make their own lunches for them! Why do I have to suffer a shitty boring lunch because your opinions of what a lunch should be differ from the majority? Some parents even wanted to do away with cows milk and have soy milk available only...yeesh
Posted by: Some Guy at January 15, 2008 3:20 PM
A to the men.
Fantastic list.
Posted by: Cindy at January 15, 2008 3:21 PM
"On a test, over and over I spelled the word 'beaucoup' incorrectly as 'Boku' all because of that dumb fucking juice drink that was so popular at the time. I was trop pissed because you learn how to use and spell beaucoup properly within the first 3 weeks of speaking french. ...goddammit."
Ha ha ha! That had me laughing not just for the visual but also because I had completely forgotten that Boku ever existed until this moment.
Posted by: Julie at January 15, 2008 3:23 PM
I have to thank VH1 on giving me a head start in pop culture knowledge. I watched a lot of it in my late elementary and middle school years, but now it's crap and that makes me sad. VH1 Classic is what VH1 the original should still be: an awesome music network that teaches America's youth about the music of yesteryear.
Posted by: kelsy at January 15, 2008 3:25 PM
In which cultures is it deemed perfectly acceptable to ruin another person's moviegoing experience by talking? I need to know so I can avoid visiting those places at all costs.
And seriously, I used to hate the mandatory comment previews, but they grew on me and now I'm spoiled. So's my grammar and spelling.
Posted by: Kolby at January 15, 2008 3:33 PM
Two addendums to the talking in theaters item:
1) You railed against offering commentary on the movie, but shit, at this point Id be happy to hear commentary on the actual movie. Most of the time its just completely unrelated conversation, in normal conversational volumes, that Im hearing. God if you have to talk, at least talk about the damned film, and for fuck's sake, whisper! Really, I've given up on asking for actual silence, because I am afraid thats just not possible.
and 2) the new trend in movie theater douchebaggery that I've seen is texting. Oh thanks for doing me the courtesy on not actually talking on your phone, cause that bright ass LCD display on your Blackberry is infinitely less fucking distracting. You complete dickbag.
Posted by: MG at January 15, 2008 3:36 PM
I know i'm a little late on the game here, but can some fill me in to why everyone seems to have a huge hate on for Katharine Heigl? From the way you guys talk, something somewhere transpired. I haven't a sweet fucking clue what that is, and I can't jump in on the bandwagon in completely ignorance!
Posted by: Jax at January 15, 2008 3:38 PM
I know i'm a little late on the game here, but can some fill me in to why everyone seems to have a huge hate on for Katharine Heigl? From the way you guys talk, something somewhere transpired. I haven't a sweet fucking clue what that is, and I can't jump in on the bandwagon in complete ignorance!
Posted by: Jax at January 15, 2008 3:38 PM
Great list, everyone. I can get behind everything that was mentioned, especially talking during movies and Gweneth Paltrow Sydrome.
I think the fourth starletard is Nicole Ritchie. Agreed, she can be less odious than the other three, but she's still got that air of entitlement because she was fortunate enough to have been adopted by rich parents. If you want confine your derision to Britney, Paris, and Lindsey, a great term is the Three (Dis)Graces. I think I saw that first on Gallery of the Absurd.
Posted by: rlr260 at January 15, 2008 3:39 PM
Ooops, sorry about the double post. I hate my server at work. It's too slow!
Posted by: Jax at January 15, 2008 3:41 PM
People who talk in movie theaters are the primary (and maybe only) reason I want to learn kung fu.
That's because I can skip the stare and go directly to "Shut the Fuck Up" and then defend myself when they try to hurt me.
One time I had sweet sweet revenge on a theater-talker. This girl was sitting in the row in front of mine. She came to the movie late, talked to her friend throughout the whole movie, and ate candy that must have wrapped in the crinkliest paper known to man. As we were getting up to leave, she told her friend that she was late because she was picking up the sixth Harry Potter book. I told her the ending. The look she gave me is one I will treasure until the end of time.
Posted by: Siddhartha at January 15, 2008 3:43 PM
Claude Weaver, you well-adjusted sexy bag of hipness, will you marry me?
Just know that I LOVE, LOVE what you wrote, living in the dipster capital of the country (Seattle), I sometimes find it hard to control my annoyance with the teeming hordes of the skinny-jeans wearing, PBR drinking,I'm-in-a-shitty-garage-band-and-cooler-than-you, faux-hawk douchebags, that I attempt to run over daily, with my car. Is there a rehab for anti-hipsters???
Posted by: Be Adequite! at January 15, 2008 3:46 PM
Damn, Siddhartha does not fuck around when it comes to vengeance...
Posted by: TK at January 15, 2008 3:47 PM
One other thing. I'm wary of starting a flame war or a heated discussion, but does anyone "profile" when they pick a seat in the theater? I admit that I avoid sitting near old people, anyone with kids, and groups of guys (who, when in a group, for some reason need to show that they are smarter or funnier than the film they're watching). Beyond that, (and I always feel bad about it) I pick seats based on the perceived tastes of those sitting around me (i.e. anyone in a wifebeater, sideways ball cap, fake nails, etc.)
Does anyone else do this?
Posted by: Siddhartha at January 15, 2008 3:49 PM
Sid- I'm beginning to get more and more annoyed by people who show up to movies once the previews have started, and waddle their fat asses through the center of the theater, right next to where I am sitting, and ask me to move down. I usually just tell them the seats are taken. That shit drives me NUTS. So RUDE.
Posted by: Be Adequite! at January 15, 2008 3:54 PM
Re: people talking in the theater: Absolutely HATE it. Especially in a horror movie, where it's just not as effective if you're not fully immersed.
BUT there was this one time... When I went to see Troy, and Orlando Bloom says, "You think I'm a coward," some guy in the theater said, "Yes!" loud enough for everyone to hear. I have to say, that was pretty funny, because we were all thinking the exact same thing.
Posted by: Todd at January 15, 2008 3:55 PM
About the shoes: I am Canadian, currently in Ontario, and have also lived in Quebec and BC, and have never entered a home that did not have a shoe rack or rug or some such beside the front door to take off your shoes as you enetered the home (either my home, or a home I was visiting). I guess I just always thought it was the norm. Apologies to people who have scorpions running through the house.
About texting or instant messaging: my biggest personal piss-off is how no one uses apostrophes...im, your, ur, cant, etc. I know maybe it saves you 0.0021 seconds, but come the fuck on.
About infants in the theater: My sister had a baby over the summer, and in Toronto, certain theaters have a setup that every Wednesday afternoon (or something) was what is called "Stars and Strollers", designed for parents with young children. It wasn't always kid's movies (this is where I saw Superbad), but there was a changetable setup, a place to park your strollers, and other little details. So, my sister would always go to these movies out of respect for other theater goers, so if her kid started to cry, it wouldn't bother anyone. I think that is an awesome solution, personally.
Posted by: kdm at January 15, 2008 3:57 PM
I loved this list, even though you were talking about me through half of it. Pretentious? I do that, although the only people I hate up front have given me reasons that are very personal, so I usually keep it to myself, and don't brag about it.
And as to the LOL-ing, I don't do that, because there is a big difference between " tee-hee" and "schNAAAA-ha ha ha haaaa!!!1!" that I feel the need to specify. Kind of like Terry Pratchett. Aha. Aha.
And as for the shitty fight scenes, I remember watching the Bourne Identity while preparing to go see Supremacy in the theatres, and then getting to the first fight scene in that disappointing sequel. THAT was one time I spoke in the threatre. Cue Gob Bluth- "C'MON!!!"
Posted by: that bees chick at January 15, 2008 3:57 PM
I've actually gotten to the point of wearing earplugs at the movies. The earplugs do a good job of drowning out the talking, the crinkling, the off-tempo gasping (this happened to me throughout There Will Be Blood - this lady right next to me would react literally :45 seconds after something momentous happened - well she did this when she wasn't snoring.) And now since theaters are so loud, you can still hear most of the action/dialogue with the earplugs in.
The only thing is if you take them out during the movie for a little bit and put them back in, you won't be able to hear anything. It's like your (or just my) brain can't adjust back.
I might just pretend I'm deaf and ask for the headphones.
Posted by: Siddhartha at January 15, 2008 4:00 PM
"The Four Starletards of the Apocalypse"? (snort)... I love you Pajiba! In all of your misogynistic, culturally-elite post-rehab glory.
Posted by: legib at January 15, 2008 4:10 PM
I have a similar aversion to "LOL" for similar reasons. However, I still employ it from time to time. That's because on those very rare occasions when I use it, it in fact is one of those very rare occasions in which someone has actually prompted me to "laugh out loud." My friends know that I don't use the acronym lightly and that actual laughter from me is an exceptional occurrence, and thus "LOL" still has its utility for me personally.
Posted by: Darth Corleone at January 15, 2008 4:14 PM
About the shoes: I am Canadian, currently in Ontario, and have also lived in Quebec and BC, and have never entered a home that did not have a shoe rack or rug or some such beside the front door to take off your shoes as you enetered the home...Apologies to people who have scorpions running through the house.
But isn't it too cold to take off your shoes? Just kidding. :-) I was actually wondering if you were in Asia or the South Pacific.
And the scorps aren't too bad, once you get used to them. You just need a dedicated "Scorpion Mallet" like we have, and whack 'em when you see 'em. Of course, I'm the only one in my family not to have been stung yet, so who knows, I might change my mind about that someday...
Posted by: pinkcheese at January 15, 2008 4:15 PM
**Haven't finished reading this yet, but had to take a moment for this**
"But watching a TV show nobody else did, or listening to an obscure band with a name that sounds like it came from a shredded world literature textbook, or seeing a movie that only plays in two theaters doesn't make you judge, jury, or executioner in the Court of Taste...So in 2008, please do get the fuck over yourself."
Thank you for calling out the bullshit! I now worship at the temple of Claude!
Posted by: starkravingsane at January 15, 2008 4:19 PM
oh chez
you make me so hot
Posted by: <3 at January 15, 2008 4:22 PM
Oh, and I wish American Idol were dead.
Posted by: Darth Corleone at January 15, 2008 4:23 PM
"writing like a fat-fingered illiterate baboon"
Nice, 'Bama. Nice.
And Siddhartha, I do profile...I try not to sit near human beings.
Posted by: JMW at January 15, 2008 4:23 PM
Siddhartha, beautiful. Your vengeance brings a tear to my eye.
kdm, that is a great solution, and kudos both to that movie theater for giving parents a time when they can be courteous and still go see a movie, and to your sister, for taking advantage of that opportunity.
Posted by: Cady at January 15, 2008 4:24 PM
Dammitjanet: it looks as if you have a nice posse building up. I will be your wingman anytime you want to take down the wankers who scroll ads across my shows. But I'm not into quick attack and runs, I want these people to be tortured slowly just like they have done to me.
Siddartha: Mr. PaddyDog is the biggest movie theatre profiler around. He won't sit near "women of a certain age", groups of more than two teenagers, any collection of tweens, anyone with a child under 12, and if someone comes in carrying those machines they hand out for the hard-of-hearing, he instantly moves as far away form them as possible. Our cinematic experience pretty much involves getting to the theatre as soon as it opens to get the best seat and then sitting on alert watching who comes in while we move from seat to seat to satisfy his profiling angst. His favourite spot is to find two loner nerdy looking, haven't washed in days guys and position himself between them knowing they will scare off anyone else and they won't be talking to anyone.
Posted by: PaddyDog at January 15, 2008 4:41 PM
I feel kinda bittersweet about the list.
I mean, everything there is absolutely correct, and add me anytime to the talk-in-the-theater, American Idol, telegraphic messaging and celebreality hate list, especially.
The bitter part is... Is this only a 2007 thing? I've been complaining about the fucktards' brilliant on-the-fly observations about movies for years now, just to mention one example. And this is something that obviously tends to get worse alongside mankind's dive into the abyss, nothing new about that.
I think I just miss more concrete examples of 2007 particular shit, even if the list is flawless on the general shit, you know.
That being said, thanks for the laughs and thoughts, staffers and eloquents. It's never dull around here.
Posted by: gargumma at January 15, 2008 4:59 PM
Ooooh! I just thought of another one: Getting Pregnant Because It's Cool. What the hell? I love babies. I do. I want a child, maybe several. Do I have children? Hell to the no. I'm not ready. Not at all. Yet Brit Brit, Nicole, Christina, Jessica Alba, possibly Avril, and every other self-absorbed moronic 20-something celebrity wants to jump on the Baby Bandwagon. It's only a matter of time before Paris and Lohan have babies, if only for the publicity. Trust. This is really scaring me. This is a bad trend. In about 18 years, the world is going to become significantly dumber, crazier, and more dependent on illegal substances. Also, I just heard from a celebrity-obsessed co-worker that Alessandra Ambrosio is pregnant. That just makes me sad. No reason to mess up that hot bod so early in life, Alessandra.
Posted by: tt_marie at January 15, 2008 5:02 PM
Just to add to kdm's post, I too live in Canada, but on the east coast (throughout both Nova Scotia and Newfoundland, respectively), and I can tell you that I've never gone into a home where you don't take off your shoes. So take that for what it's worth. That brings the total to what, 5 provinces? I think that it's pretty safe to say that Canada is generally a no-shoe-in-the-house nation.
Posted by: wordbird at January 15, 2008 5:03 PM
Amen to talking in theaters (and the other stuff too).
I've found that matinees don't have quite the same attraction for rampant assholery that evening shows do. May be something to keep in mind to avoid the talkers, cell phones, etc. Personally I got so fed up with the idiots at movies that I invested last years tax return in a 50" HDTV and a mid-range 5.1 surround system. It may not be quite as big, but it's loud, looks great, and I can kick people out of my living room if they annoy me. Win-Win.
Pissboy: my expectations for "Cloverfield" are through the roof. I actually am going to drag myself to the theater for that one and I'm kind of dreading being wrong about it.
Posted by: Rob at January 15, 2008 5:07 PM
"With Idol winners these days bearing all the relevance and industry clout of 'Star Search' finalists, I can only hope it's an indication that the end is blissfully, mercifully nigh."
Stacey, this is wishful thinking on your part. Carrie Underwood, Chris Daughtry, Elliot Yamin, Jennifer Hudson, Fantasia Barrino? Not all first place finishers, but all relevant, on the charts or on Broadway.
I'm not a huge fan of the show, but don't kid yourself that it's going anywhere. And without scripted tv as an alternative, this season is going to enjoy even higher ratings.
Posted by: Sheri at January 15, 2008 5:12 PM
Bless you, Mr. Carlson. I think everyone with a whit of social awareness has one or two "these people talked through the whole movie" stories. As twisted as it sounds, though, I'm somewhat gratified that needless yammering in the theater is a pan-cultural, pan-racial phenomenon that crosses all ages and both genders. ..If only because the yammerers can't cry discrimination against anything other than ignorance of etiquette (possible sociopathy?) when I tell them politely to shut the fuck up.
Posted by: Chakrapoint at January 15, 2008 5:21 PM
Shit, John: you did, in the most literal sense, make me LOL. Thank god my boss's door was closed. You can't object to such sincere use of the acronym, right?
That said, I've waged many a war against meaningless internet acronyms, so know that you're not alone. In fact, I got into a decent scuffle with a coworker when I asked for clarification regarding an e-mail that went something like this: "wl u plz post asap? thnx." Not so much acronyms as much as a lazy asshole defecating on our lovely, progressive, nuanced language.
Postscript: Love your blog.
Posted by: Becca at January 15, 2008 5:21 PM
TK- Thanks for bringing up the misogyny bit. I've often checked the dictionary after reading some of the misguided misogyny commentary on here to confirm my concept of the word. Neener neener, I'm right.
Posted by: becca at January 15, 2008 5:29 PM
A great list, many items of which need to be repeated frequently until people start getting it.
At the risk of reopening a discussion that perhaps does not need to be had (as well as potentially running afoul of one of the other charges on this list -- I wholeheartedly agree with you Claude/Vermillion, the cultural elitism here and elsewhere is a scourge) I need to take issue with your definition of misogyny, TK, and your dismissal of it as relevant to discussions of movies like Knocked Up or Superbad. Of course the dictionary definition you provide is technically a correct definition of the term. But when people use the term misogyny in conversations like these, this isn't the definition they're using. They don't mean that a particular person (the director, the writer, or the person who enjoyed the film) hates or distrusts women. They aren't referring to a particular act of hatred or distrust. They are instead suggesting that the film in question, or the aspect of it that they are taking on, is a result of (and contributes to) a culture that continues to regard women as second-class citizens (e.g. in terms of salaries), that continues to see violence against women as at least partially the fault of the women and not those who abuse them, etc. etc. Misogyny, in other words, is for some people who use the word not an act or an attitude but a cultural discourse.
There is a really good explanation of some of this here: http:// girl-wonder.org/ girlsreadcomics/ ?p=45
(Take out spaces). (There are many others around, but I thought Pajibaland would appreciate this best, as this particular feminist blog is about comics.)
I am not blind to the fact that this is not a subject that most people want to talk about all the time (I can only assume most readers have either tuned out or rolled their eyes and then tuned out by now), and frankly, I agree that it is often not at all productive to rail against any movie that might be seen as contributing to this discourse of misogyny rather than counteracting it. If some feminist moviegoer uses that as her barometer and refuses to see movies that are even remotely misogynistic in this wider sense, then realistically, she's not going to have very many movies to choose from. Personally, I enjoyed Superbad, and didn't think that its misogynistic elements overwhelmed its general sweetness and the fact that it was very funny. But if we are going to take Pajiba's comments section seriously as a forum for real discussion, then we can't dismiss everyone who disagrees with me/us (especially since I'm a man and therefore not a direct victim of the discourse of misogyny) and thinks that Superbad's treatment of women overwhelmed its humor, we can't simply say that their opinion is inadmissable because they've misapplied the term. If the mainstream of Pajiba considers Captivity to have been misogynistic (I can't imagine they feel otherwise), then we should be open to the idea that other movies, even comedies we thought were funny as hell, might be part of the problem, rather than part of the solution.
On the other hand -- and perhaps this was your original point and if so then sorry for misconstruing -- it is clear that calling a film misogynist is not enough. It's like calling someone a fascist; it just ends discussion or creates fights. If you can't back it up with well-reasoned opinion as to how the movie works to demean women, including your thoughts on why the negatives of the particular film in terms of its misogyny outweigh the other things the movie has going for it, then don't go throwing the word around. (The goal ought to be conversation and productive debate, not yelled accusation and the end of real exchange.) But if commenters have reasons for feeling this way about a film, I think its only fair to listen to them instead of relegating them to the shit list.
Sorry for the length and the ranting, but it's a conversation I've been having a lot lately.
Posted by: BabyTyrone at January 15, 2008 5:32 PM
BabyTyrone- I think that people sense the more subtle and, probably, subversive elements of cultural attitude surrounding women in these movies and, rather than parse out and define the subtle elements, refer to what they sense as misogyny. I'm sure I've done it, but I do think that such approximations are a disservice to, as you said, a public discourse about misogyny and the larger culture of sexism. Most of the commenters are picking up on genuine sexism (with women on the losing end)in the flamed films, but using "misogyny" as a catch-all phrase may not be the most useful method of discussion.
Then again, I generally don't participate in the comment-section misogyny wars because I'm not much of a fighter. Thus, my thoughts are merely the result of observation, rather than engagement.
Posted by: becca at January 15, 2008 5:51 PM
Let me confirm that Nicole Ritchie is the Fourth Starletard of the Apocalypse. I know she hasn't done anything except remora Paris Hilton's dark starfish and wake up with another talentless jackass's unprotected penis in her, but who else is going to represent Famine?
Slutney says hello. Oh, and she wants cake.
ted boynton
Posted by: ted boynton at January 15, 2008 5:59 PM
Great story, David! I love how the assholes always go with the "I've paid to be here!" line, like it excuses them from ruining everyone else's experience. Theatre mob justice is fun!
I was at an animation festival late show (Spike & Mike's), where the pre-show is usually filled with boisterous laughter, a faint cloud of smoke, and giant balloons, which get bashed around the theatre until the show starts. Everyone was having fun until this guy in a cowboy hat started puncturing all the balloons with a pen. Some people booed. One guy stood up and confronted the asshat in the cowboy hat, but cowboy had a posse. Cowboy starts threatening the hero, throat a-bulgin'. Then someone in the back of the theatre started chanting "Asssssssshooooole. Aaaaaaasssssssshooooooole." More joined in. Within seconds the 200-strong crowd was tellin' it like it is. Cowboy sat down. Everyone cheered. The lights went down. Twenty minutes later, Cowboy stood up, screamed "White power!" and then ran out of the exit doors with his buddies.
The best part was, when I got out of the theatre after the show, Cowboy and his gang were still hanging around; a white mini pulled up, and they all piled into it like a bunch of circus clowns and drove off.
Fin.
Posted by: Lauren at January 15, 2008 6:08 PM
I should have seconded the berserker editing item when I made my first post. I went to see Bourne Supremacy, and my brother asked me how it was. I said that I liked it, but that I was nauseated for almost the whole movie, starting when--
At that point he cut me off, and said, "Don't spoil it for me!" and I said, "Don't worry, this won't. Starting when the lights go out in the building." Which, really, was no spoiler at all.
So this summer I went to see Bourne Ultimatum, and had to leave 25 minutes in to avoid throwing up. I went back another weekend and sat in the back of the theater, and made it through--although I still felt queasy. And what's the point of that editing style? Are they afraid I won't notice that it's an action movie, if I can actually follow the characters through a scene?
And motion capture is nothing but creepy.
Posted by: Kate at January 15, 2008 6:27 PM
RE American Idol - I have seen maybe 40 minutes of it since it began. I don't say this proudly, I don't have a problem with people watching it, it's basically a contest, people with penises watch contests all the time, only they call them "sports." But I agree with this: "ultimately I wasn't turned on by the whole premise of assholes with stupid hair singing karaoke to shitty songs I don't like in the first place." The winners of American Idol may be technically proficient, but I don't find any of them compelling as musical artists in their own right. Feel free to disagree, I don't care.
I also agree with the overuse/misuse of the word "misogyny."
And I dislike "motion capture" for the reasons cited. Animation is really really expensive, I'm not sure why we need animated people for times when actual people would be just as good, if not better. Animated rat - delightful. Animated people - kinda creepy.
RE backlash: yeah, backlash sucks so hard now, it's the worst thing ever to happen to culture, it was OK in the beginning, but now it's just played out, er, whatever...
RE rehab: I'd complain about this, but I'm thinking of opening a rehab in my living room. Apparently, rehab is a growth industry. I'll just move the meth lab out to the garage.
RE people who talk in movies: yeah, I see your people talking in movies and raise you assholes who bring small children to adult movies (ie, anything with a PG-13 or R rating)
And you should have Chez Pazienza write more.
Posted by: Slash at January 15, 2008 6:38 PM
"Douchebag" was popular long before the Internet you cuntsack. An entire skit on SNL back in 1978 revolved around it. Ignorant fuckstick.
And why do you all hate Jewess's so virulently?
Posted by: Saint Nightwalker at January 15, 2008 6:41 PM
Katherine Heigl, is that you???
Posted by: Be Adequite! at January 15, 2008 6:49 PM
RE "Damn, Siddhartha does not fuck around when it comes to vengeance..." - For reals; I wish I had a story that great.
And "does anyone 'profile' when they pick a seat in the theater?"
Yes. I avoid families and teenagers, when possible. Sorry to families and teenagers, but I've observed that when people won't shut the fuck up, it's usually someone from one of those two groups.
Posted by: Slash at January 15, 2008 7:00 PM
Damn, Saint Nightwalker, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
And what's a "cuntsack"? No, seriously? A sack that holds cunts? A sack shaped like one? Please enlighten me.
Also, you don't need an apostrophe to make the word "Jewess" plural.
Have a great day.
Posted by: Slash at January 15, 2008 7:05 PM
On a note related to Premature Backlashes and actors who are given too much too soon:
Brad Renfro was just found dead in his apartment, he was only twenty-five years old. Hopefully, others here remember who he was..
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 15, 2008 7:14 PM
The most hilarious item in this is the absurd suggestion that "douchebag" originated on the internet. My dad was saying "douchebag" in the '60s, and he didn't make it up either.
Posted by: Squarah at January 15, 2008 7:25 PM
"And why do you all hate Jewess's so virulently?"
Questions:
1) Is Katherine Heigl Jewish?
2) Do people really say "Jewess" ?
3) If Katherine Heigl is Jewish and you are Jewish would you openly claim her as one of your own?
4) I think Natalie Portman is Jewish. Does anyone hate her? Is it possible to hate her?
Continue with what you were doing.
Posted by: greer at January 15, 2008 7:30 PM
I hate her, but I hate everybody, so I don't know if it counts.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 15, 2008 7:32 PM
When I first read it I thought it had said premature backslash as in 0\115\2008
Posted by: Anonymoose at January 15, 2008 7:33 PM
"Brad Renfro was just found dead in his apartment, he was only twenty-five years old. Hopefully, others here remember who he was.."
Shades of River Phoenix. He had a few run-ins with the law and some drug issues in the last couple of years. So sad.
Posted by: greer at January 15, 2008 7:36 PM
Renfro was a total unknown when he did his first movie, acting opposite Sarandon, in her prime. Then later he was in Apt motherfucking Pupil with none other than Ian McKellen and he nailed it. Can you imagine Shia LaDouche doing his idiotic clownshow against that caliber actor and not coming off like a total tool?
Don't think so. And the same goes for most of today's pathetic crop of "young talent" pfffft, the Maxim generation puhleeeeeze.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 15, 2008 7:51 PM
Agent Bedhead: Your comments are generally accurate, though it sounds like a synopsis of the FX show "Dirt."
Also, how does Tom Hanks fit into the universe you describe? He makes huge money, yes he seems to be far from the spotlight. Maybe he doesn't give the paparazzi anything good to shoot?
Posted by: pat smith at January 15, 2008 8:02 PM
Wow! I haven't heard or read the term "Jewess" since...oh well since I last watched Conspiracy. In fact I don't think I've ever heard it outside of a film set in or before 1945. Are there people who hate "Jewesses" but not male Jews so that the question had to be set so specifically? I'm just curious.
Posted by: PaddyDog at January 15, 2008 8:05 PM
Pajiba staff, especially John and Seth, and the always entertaining TK (and you other people as well, I suppose):
Thank you for having just the right words when we're frothing at our collective mouth.
It occurs to me that I've got my own little entry for the sh(it) list, something none of you mentioned but which annoyed the crap out of me for some reason. I think most of us Eloquents have enough brain cells left to jump in the wayback machine for a moment.
I'm sure we all remember the dust-up in the comment section over Ranylt's Lions for Lambs review. Maybe people were a little oversensitive, maybe they were trying to give her a 'trial by fire'. Regardless, I found the whole affair to be a tad ridiculous. Much like the rest of us, I'm glad a few roughnecks didn't chase her away, and I think she is a fabulous addition to our little ehome. So thanks to you too, Ranylt, for all the 5 dollar words, and the spot on reviews as well.
Valid, yet saddening, point there BSlim and Greer. Too bad it didn't happen to someone else. I know that sounds harsh, but really, how upset would any of us really be if one of the Starletards kicked it? The only way we would be affected would be our annoyance at the media for not shutting the hell up about it. You can bet for damn sure that Brad Renfro won't get that kind of recognition.
On a final note: I too have rabidly high expectations for Cloverfield, much to my own dismay. Unlike the inestimable Mr. Weaver, I am unable to fight my own sense of despair here, as I know I will only be disappointed. Abrams has done it to me before, and I don't doubt that he will again.
Posted by: Smokin at January 15, 2008 8:11 PM
That brings the total to what, 5 provinces? I think that it's pretty safe to say that Canada is generally a no-shoe-in-the-house nation.
Yeah, we take our shoes off in the house in Alberta too. I remember visiting my aunt in Seattle and having her apologetically ask us to take our shoes off in the house. It was surprising because I would never dream of leaving my shoes on in somebody else's home, but apparently it's common there.
Posted by: roses at January 15, 2008 8:14 PM
I avoid movie theatres nowadays because I can't stand it when people talk in the theatre. Also, I have a child who can't sit through a movie. It's just easier to wait for the DVD. I will not be waiting on any motion capture movies, though. Those are hideously creepy.
Posted by: demondoll at January 15, 2008 8:22 PM
This was a fantastic, ranty list!
I especially loved the *theatre-talking assholes* rant.
Which leads me to this:
"Here's a thought. In some cultures it is acceptable to talk in the movie theater. If you don't like it, then perhaps you should stay at home.
Posted by: Dagny at January 15, 2008 1:54 PM"
How awful!! If it IS true that somewhere else a bunch of insanely rude people routinely spoil everyone else's theatre experience, then please let us know where and we will never visit.
But I know for a fact that Australia, USA and England definitely work on the polite model of everyone shutting the fuck up during the show.
At least they USED to. Sigh... when I was a child.. these young whippersnappers... get off my lawn!!
Posted by: Loob at January 15, 2008 8:27 PM
Seriously kdm?!?! I guess because we have cold tarazzo floors, we only not wear shoes when we are about to get dressed/get ready for bed.
And Siddhartha I pre-profile all the time, especially if I'm going to a matinée (which is often). Old folks and people with little kids tend to flock to earlier shows, and both seem to need an interpreter to repeat every other line of dialog.
Posted by: Ciji at January 15, 2008 8:31 PM
"Just because you managed to experience something few people didn't? That is bullshit. If you had climbed Everest, then you could talk some shit. If you had landed on the moon or saved someone's life, then you get some leeway to act smug."
Does being autistic count? Sometimes I talk shit about that.
Posted by: MsPickWick at January 15, 2008 8:32 PM
I'm surprised no one is bothered by those 'before the show' tv ads that play before the previews.
Posted by: Ciji at January 15, 2008 8:34 PM
Why?
Posted by: Pookie at January 15, 2008 8:37 PM
re: talking during There Will Be Blood
SPOILER ALERT
When DD-L shot his fake brother, I leaned over to my companion and whispered, "This is not going to make him a better person." I thought it was pretty funny, and I don't thin