Pajiba

Does it mean I have too much time on my hands that I sat here and deciphered the newest Skitt illustration?

I can see it being one of those cling decals that annoying people put on their rear windows.

I've always visualised my mental processes thusly: a collection of miniature Dills (small in stature but large of head) in spectacles and labcoats, scurrying to and fro from filing cabinet to typewriter via fax machine and shredder with armfuls of folders containing the minute details of my subconscious urges, my top-level cogitations, and the weird urges to put a staple in the web of flesh between my thumb and forefinger. Y'know, just to see what it feels like.

Well, attempting to read that bizarre mirror-writing in the Godtopus illustration has just sent all my mental Dilldrones (already operating at less than 100% efficiency due to the fact that it's Monday) crashing facefirst into one another. The filing cabinets are overturned, the fax machine is on fire, one Dilldrone is shredding his own tie and another has broken down completely and is repeatedly bashing his face against the typewriter keys.

Thanks, guys.

I would kind of want to hug Godtopus, you know, if touching him wouldn't melt my face and damn my soul to wherever it is us Pajibans are doomed to end up.

He's fricken adorable.

Dill. How did you come up with that on a Monday morning? I'm in danger of snorting coffee up my nose over here.

Kolby, don't you want a Godtopus action figure now? I just want one to sit on my desk and beam benevolent rays at me. When I'm feeling blue, I can pick him up and stroke his cute little head (don't make that dirty, all you gutterbrained Pajibans) until all my rainy day thoughts have been chased away.

4. What? No "Who's on first?" jokes?

I think I'd prefer a plush Godtopus. For the hugging.

I swear to fucking God if I don't get a fucking shirt soon I am going to fucking kill someone.

[looks around speculatively]

RE: Action Figures, Godtopus.

My favorite action figures of all time are at the end of "Waiting for Guffman," when Christopher Guest shows his "My Dinner With Andre" action figures. I actually spit popcorn out my nose. I had dragged darling hubby to see "My Dinner With Andre" years before, because the Sneak Previews guys said it was good, and DH never forgave me for it.

Popcorn sounds pretty good right about now. What?

Heehee, perfect headline photo, Dustin.

Skittimus, I am amazed by how much soul and world-weariness you've managed to impart into your rendering of Godtopus's loving eye. Seriously, dude--I'm laughing, but really, his holy tentacliness has personality up the yin-yang!

On an unrelated note, Your Maximus, I have come to agree that I'm Gonna DJ is just a freakin' fun song, never mind that it sounds slightly silly coming from a bunch of 40somethings. (No ageism intended; I say this as a 30-year-old who would feel self-conscious calling heaven's playlist "kickin'"!)

Nicole: Even when operating under less than ideal conditions (those being immediately after their host vessel has received some combination of hot, sweet tea, bacon sandwiches and really satisfying head), the Dilldrones are still capable of conjuring sporadically amusing commentary.

It also helps when my line manager's off sick and the only other person in my office is just as inclined as I am to simply say "Fuck this noise," allowing me the luxury of not even having to pretend to do any work.

A final contributing factor may well be that it's a quarter to three in the afternoon over here in good old Blighty, so I've actually had some chance to wake up.

Wait, what? Pajiba has a Facebook group? Is this new?? Holy fuzzy baby bunnies, FB is my one concession to the 21st century! (yeah, screw you, blogspot/MySpace/MSN Messenger, etc.)

Is there a way to know who's who? I'm assuming y'all use your real names, not Pajiba handles, on there...Must check this out this evening; unfortunately, my company blocks Facebook.

Mmmm. Popcorn. Kolby, why can't we have a plushy AND an action figure?

Aw, TK is all murderousy this morning. Good morning, TK!

I don't do no Facebook. I finally gave in to the peer pressure and got a MySpace page a couple of months ago. I'm still afraid that some serial killer is going to find me via hacking and tracking and cut off my ears as trophies.

TK, lovely weekend for you huh?

At least your least favorite team ever is not playing for title tonight.

Le sigh.

Nicole, on MySpace all that usually happens is your page starts spamming other people's pages and sending out phishing links.

It is really hard to make it stop.

Thanks Melody. Now I'm afraid my page will spam a serial killer and he'll come after my ears.

I actually keep it really low key. No 674 friends for me. Don't have those sparkly graphics or songs or any of that shit either. You know, when I was a teenager, I had to communicate with my friends by passing intricately-folded notes in trig class while hoping the nun up front wouldn't catch you. These young 'uns today have it so easy.

Godtopus should be bendy like Gumby. That way, his (her?) legs can be posed in all sorts of suggestive positions.

Skitt, you are awesome. As I only have completely useless talents, I can actually read the writing on it.

And I cannot stop laughing at that picture up top.

Zigh...

I got enough peer pressure already from my IRL friends. "Why aren't you on Faecesbook?", "Come on visit my MySpace!". I won't be persuaded, I won't!

I have no music to promote and no pictures to share with anybody that can't be arsed to pay me a visit.

That's not to say you all look very well-groomed and supercute, so poke away.

Urge to plushie the godotupus, rising.

I can't believe the big creepy scary in 'The Ruins' is om nom nom vines. Seriously? Om nom nom vines is the best you can do? Weak.

When are y'all gonna stop being such cockteases and sell some of these great designs in t-shirt form?

I'd been wondering about a few instances of "I'm Gonna DJ" being the song to give one pause, as I'd thought it was great when the bootleg recordings started coming off the last tour a few years ago and the studio version's as good or better. It *is* a bit silly, but I appreciate talking about collecting vinyl, and like the idea of, rather than a "hurry doom doomsday" angry resigation, throwing a massive party because school's finally over. But *I'd* want to run the decks.

But then, some people want to live forever, for some reason.

I also want a fucking shirt alfuckingready. And I want a Baby Adipose doll.

TK --- Why do you need a shirt??? Spill something on yours already today? ;)

Skitt Love the new Godtopus image! You are truly awesome.

I'm with TK. I need my new Pajiba gear soon. The anticipation is killing me. Though I am not with TK in feeling murderous. I don't want to be accused of moving in on his territory.

Dill I loved your description. So hilarious. Since I don't know what you look like, for some reason, I'm picturing Dilbert characters as the little Dills. I think it's because of the whole office drones connection.

Huh, might have to add the facebook page, but then y'all would be able to decipher my real name from my clearly coded fake name(s). I suppose I'll have to take that risk, since half the "friends" I have on facebook don't know me nearly as well as any of you fake internet people.

In other news, I was in Belfast over the weekend, and had anyone asked me my religious preference I would have been proud to answer "Godtopus" before walking away quickly. Thanks, Skittiums, for offering a pretty represetation, suitable for tracts and other promotional materials. Like shirts.

I'm just left wondering if that picture was taken during the pretty, pretty molestation.

That's his "O" face, right?

One night I had a dream, I dreamt I was walking along the beach with the Godtopus. Across the sky flashed scene from my life, for each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonged to me and the other to Godtopus.

When the last scene of my life flashed before me, I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that many times along the path of my life there was only one set of footprints. I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life.

This really bothered me and I questioned the Godtopus,

"Godtopus you said that once I decided to follow you, you would walk with me all the way but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, I see only one set of footprints. I don't understand why you left me when I needed you most".

The Godtopus replied, "My son, my precious child , I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trials and suffering where you see only one set of footprints, I was so fucking hammered...man, I remember this one time I was ink bladder deep into a midget while Dustin was giving this Balinese hooker a Cleveland Steamer. Good times, man. Good times. By the way, I don't have fucking feet, dillhole. You see these?! Tentacles, man! T-e-n-t-a-c-l-e-s!! You will burn for your insolence! Burn!

feramones Hee!

Oh my Godtopus, Manny. Priceless.

Manny, drunk in the morning AGAIN? I thought we talked about this.

Manny: That made my morning. Thank you.

And consider my signature ON that Uwe Boll petition...at 46,000 something. Hm. You guys know another 954,000+ people?

TK: it's not "drunk in the morning" if you're still technically "wasted from the night before".

p.s. I "love quotes" whether they're "necessary" or "not".

"word".

Manny, that's classic. I'm going to print that out, put it in a frame, and hang it next to my bed. Perhaps I'll even cross-stitch a sampler (I have no idea how, but it might be worth learning).

I'm patiently awaiting shirts. Stuff this great takes time, y'all.

"Manny, drunk in the morning AGAIN? I thought we talked about this."

Yes, but there was no mention of...yaaaaaaaaaaaak!...I'm sorry, my fiance made me watch Dreamgirls last night and I'm still a little woozy. WIth Godtopus' blessing I should make it through the day.

Oh, Nicole, on my list of dubious talents (below pick-pocketing, but above ability to pin point the meanest possible thing to say to someone when I'm angry) is cross stitch. You provide the materials, and I will happily have a perfectly stitched and decorated pillow case, wall hanging, or tea towel back to you in less than a month. I'm serious. Part of me is 21 and part is 67, it's really pathetic.

Also, thanks for that, Manny. I've used "...and has that damned 'footprints' poem hanging in their guest bathroom" as a character description before. You've made my day.

Manny: One day that will be featured on a line of commemorative trinkets (lockts, fake faberge eggs, music boxes, throw pillows) sold exclusively through the back pages of Sunday suppliments, and on that day I will drop to my knees, weeping with joy.

I am actually highly tempted to make it into a sampler Nicole. So much so that I may go haberdsashery shopping rather than doing my interview prep (any excuse)

Although the Pajiba facebook group has been around for ages it just doesn't really do much. Of course were I in charge of such things you can be sure that wouldn't be the case. Because I have far too much time on my hands.

Occasionally I flip through the group members listing seeing if I can figure out who's who.. then I realise that I'm even creeping myself out and I stop.

Alex the Odd - Winner, Official Pajiba Stalker Award, 2008.

So, Alex, were you cold this weekend? We were f-f-f-freezing yesterday and especially last night, but I was glad we didn't get a late snow a la London.

*takes a bow*

Thank you, thank you. I'd like to dedicate this to Vermillion without whose guidance I surely would have never been able to come this far in my stalking career.

I only have one Pajiban facebook friend though, I feel too weird and/or nervous to add anyone myself. I feel my stalking isn't quite at it's true potential yet. Soon though, soon.

And yes indeedy socalled: I woke up to cinematic levels of snowfall on Sunday morning. It was absolutely stunning. Kind of scuppered my plans for Sunday lunch on the terrace of my favourite pub overlooking the river - we had to make do with the open fire instead. In April. Which was... surreal to say the least!

The Apocalypse is coming, I swear it.

Did anyone else imagine Dill's Dilldrones to look like Beaker from The Muppets? Or have I been thinking about this WAY too much this morning?

Mostly because I am bored and mostly because I LOVE me some Beaker!

Skits, what's the key for? Is it the ignition key for the Murder Tank™?

"Did anyone else imagine Dill's Dilldrones to look like Beaker from The Muppets?"

Well, I do now.

Yup...

Alex--I have learned from years of PTO, that if you criticize the way something is currently done the it suddenly becomes yours to do.

TK--when you feel the need to murdelize someone, just look into the eye of the GODTOPUS. It will help soothe those inner feelings of turmoil and despair and wanting to hurt something. Because, you know, maybe it's just you that's hurting.

And can I just say that Nim's Island looks like a heaping piece of shit that even my kids don't want to see.

wsapnin - it is indeed Godtopus's gentle voice I hear, whispering softly in my ear...

...telling me to kill.

Good tip wsapnin, I shall be quiet.

Although, that isn't what the Godtopus tells me when I gaze deep into its eyes. Normally images of flamethrowers and screaming Eddie Murphy fans seem to fill my head.

Jay,
yeah, I want a baby Adipose doll, too! How damn cute were they?
I think the Dilldrones probably look like Adipose babies.

Alex ditto with the snow, here. I actually hurried to get out yesterday morning (not something which I do, generally) just so I could walk in it.
Downside: it was fucking freezing....

Although the Pajiba facebook group has been around for ages it just doesn't really do much. Of course were I in charge of such things you can be sure that wouldn't be the case. Because I have far too much time on my hands.

Is that an offer, ATO?

It depends on just how much of my soul you would require Dustin my friend. If you just need someone to keep the news page up to date with reviews etc then yes, it's an offer. I can't promise daily attention but it would be more than once every *checks* four months.

Also I feel the photos could use some of that old fashioned Skittimus-design magic.

Just had to Google Adipose babies out of curiosity - I only wish I were that cute. Unfortunately, considering my shaven-headed, slightly-ginger-bearded countenance, the Dilldrones unfortunately are more likely closely resemble the little chaps in Terry Pratchett's 'Truckers'.

But now it's a question of who I want to play with them with more: Sarah Lancashire or #1 Welsh girlfriend Julie Gardner?

Damn full-grown Betty and Veronica dilemmas!

Where the heck is our vituperative Piss Boy to defend his fastidious dedication to making your t-shirt needs met with aplomb? Never fear - damn boy is ON IT. Soon, sing it with me, soon all our chestral areas shall be adorned and thusly blessed amongst boob areas.

I would add Pajibans to my facebook friends. Frankly, the lot I've got could use the shake up. I did enjoy being a non-joiner for quite a while, then enjoyed the pretend high from displaying my lonely life.

Did someone already cover this? What are the (not-mirrored) Greek letters for? Is Godtopus our Beta and Omega? Maybe the beta also stands for 'bitchy'?

digger - it's a touch tiny to make out, but the non-flipped letters are "wbns", which stands for the last thing Hollywood douches hear whispered in the dark before a sock fulla marbles cracks 'em across the back of the neck - "WhiskeyBabyNinjaStar!"

The little key around the neck has an "MT" on it, fer the MurderTank. The spare is in a magnetic Hide-A-Key just under the left rear mudflap, but above the sluice trap disposal tube...

Thanks for the heads up, Skitt - now I don't have to wait until you're asleep to steal your key to the MT. I'll just take the spare.

Thanks, Skittimus, for the clarification. For a moment I beat myself up about missing WBNS because I was reading the letters in Greek, but I'm over it. Very clever. But I suppose you already know you're clever, so I'll just join the others in saying: can't wait to own it.

No sweat, Nicole - just please make sure you bring it back in decent condition (there's a checklist list printed out on the backside of the "Dedication" inspirational poster just to the left of the nacho station)... Last time someone "borrowed" it, there was a floater in the loo. Not that it's a big deal, but I had my Grandmother over for a tour the other day, and got the whole "I thought we taught you better than that" speech. Boy, were my cheeks red!

"Occasionally I flip through the group members listing seeing if I can figure out who's who.. then I realise that I'm even creeping myself out and I stop."

Erm...I did that this weekend. I also did homework on a Thursday night when I don't have class on Friday. I'm the worst college student ever, so you see how much I need y'all and the Godtopus.

there's a checklist list printed out on the backside of the "Dedication" inspirational poster just to the left of the nacho station

I know, I remember from the last time I "borrowed" it.

D'aww.. lookit the little Godtopus..

And damn. Am I the only Calgarian on the Facebook group?

OK, once again, I work at a firckin' church where everybody has those damnable Jesus fish on their cars. Ya know, the ones with the cross or the letters in Greek or whatever. I always thought I wanted a Darwin fish with feet, or a Flying Spaghetti Pirate fish, but now I know I MUST have a Godtopi clingy...he calls to me....I hear him in my sleep....I hear him at work....