Pajiba

That's a pity; dumb as the concept is, I was still hoping it might turn out to be QUALITY dumb, if you know what I mean.

I guess I'll see Mission: Impossible as my May/June tribute to the gods of blockbusterdom.

Quality dumb might be the perfect description... the grim scenery deserves a little more credit, the characters serve as a means of exposing the outstanding prowess of the Warner Bros. set design dept. beautiful pictures, beautiful pictures, this is great depression cinema at its best

I like a suggestion I've read elsewhere (Ebert, perhaps?) for a scene that could add a whole new dimension to the film. When the survivors get to the top (now the bottom) of the ship, how about another rogue wave that could turn the ship right-side up, giving the survivors the task of now completely re-tracing their steps to the top (now the top) of the ship?

Imagine the possibilities this could bring.

I like a suggestion I've read elsewhere (Ebert, perhaps?) for a scene that could add a whole new dimension to the film. When the survivors get to the top (now the bottom) of the ship, how about another rogue wave that could turn the ship right-side up, giving the survivors the task of now completely re-tracing their steps to the top (now the top) of the ship?

Imagine the possibilities this could bring.
>>

Uh-oh! I smell sequel...

Maybe in the sequel, Leo can die several times. That might be worth sitting through.

Remakes! Don't we all love 'em? I know I do!
Can't wait for the big-budget blockbuster redux of "Stage Door Canteen", "Hellcats of The Navy" and "The Three Stooges Go Around The World In A Daze".
C'mon, Hollywood, let's go!

i loved the first Poseidon...somehow the newer versions never impress me .

I'd rather have no character development than Titanic - 3 hours of equally formulaic characters I didn't care about.

lol... Wade (and Ebert?), that's the best scene idea I've ever heard

Spot on, Bethany. Better 20 minutes of cursory character-sketching giving way to crashing waves, fally things, and running-aboutness than a King Kong style hour-and-a-half of entirely unnecessary back story, character development, and hinted plot possibilities that end up being trampled by dinosaurs and giant apes. Or I guess in Poseidon by rogue clown fish and gay architects.

I'm just contemplating whether the remakes we see nowadays of fairly neglibible movies in the first place are indicative of: (1) a true bankruptcy of ideas in Hollywood or (2) a lack of cojones on the parts of the studios/producers/investors of movies today to take on a fresh idea and present it in a fullscale blockbuster treatment?

I'm not convinced there's a true bankruptcy of ideas in films, the indy film scene of the last 15 years or so more-or-less disprove that idea. I'm leaning way more towards suggestion #2.

Your review is right on. I saw it on Friday and ended up writing my own review of the film that basically ends up pointing out a lot of the same flaws:

http://jowlmovement.blogspot.com/2006/05/poseidon-sucked.html

This movie blew. It deserves to sink at the box office.

emmy rossum makes it a aworthwhile see

I kept getting Emmy Rossum confused with the other screaming girl. And the whole Kurt Russell/future boyfriend thing was very Armageddon-ish. And Fergie? Blah. But the ship kept blowing up! That was cool.

My definition of an enjoyable summer blockbuster is that it's so bad it's actually good (or at least fun). So far, this year's crop has been as unsatisfying as cotton candy - and just as cloying.

Hey, if you can guarantee me that Fergie won't be singing "The Morning After" then I'm still going to see it. I'm going to pay money just to see her drown...or be crushed...or burned, I don't care which.

I was dragged to this for part of a work party, and I have to say this...Phillip Stevens is being far too charitable to this movie.

It is an absolute waste of time, money, and energy.

NOTHING in this film is redeemable.

There are no characters that are even remotely interesting or likeable, the suspenseful moments were entirely predictable (Petersen cut to the same shot of ballast tanks filling and upside-down ballast tank gauges flashing about four million times), I had zero emotional investment in ANY of the main characters surviving.

There is NO satisfying Fergie death scene (sorry, BEP haters), and I spent the whole film hoping the little kid would drown.

Well, I enjoyed the film for what it was. Who didn't enjoy leisure suit Larry getting crushed by a giant generator? Or the lowly cook getting kicked in the face by the gay guy, only to fall to a grim, fiery death? Or the gay guy getting smacked in the face by a pressure door? Or the illegal immigrant getting electrocuted underwater? I myself enjoyed watching the annoying kid drown behind the grate. And yes, finally Fergie (and her humps) get wet. The CGI was good and we are guaranteed no sequel.

I recommend seeing this movie -- it was barely 90 minutes, so it really won't take up too much of your time...it was actually very, very funny. Not in a campy-1972-morning-after-"MANNY!" kind of way...but I definitely chuckled more than once, as did everyone else in the theater I was in on Saturday.

I recommend seeing this movie -- it was barely 90 minutes, so it really won't take up too much of your time...it was actually very, very funny. Not in a campy-1972-morning-after-"MANNY!" kind of way...but I definitely chuckled more than once, as did everyone else in the theater I was in on Saturday.

Since the English police are already on the case, we can also bring charges for "proflicacy" as opposed to "profligacy."

I hope the movie is better than the review suggests (when I rent it on DVD), because I like a few of the actors, particularly Kurt Russell.

On the other hand I almost want it to be a dumb summer blockbuster that isn't in on its own joke just because of how it would undermine some people involved who take themselves way too seriously (looking at you, Dreyfuss). Well and also because I still haven't forgiven the director for Perfect Storm, which also made a terrible movie using actors that I generally like.

It actually already says "prolificacy," which is the word I meant and not "profligacy." Seriously, people: We don't have a copy editor right now. I can't spell. You've made your point, now raise up off before I submit all of your IP's to Klingon scat-fetishists.
-Phillip

This movie was the most unpleasant cinematic experience I have ever had ever. I had insomnia and jaw muscle stress after. But I thought fans of the genre would like it. Guess it wasn't just me, then?

I expected it to suck, AND do poorly at the box office. I mean, it was immediately preceded by a really crappy NBC (I think) remake of the movie, what, six months ago?

Why are people claiming to be surprised that it tanked? Wasn't the writing on the wall pretty much the moment NBC announced, "Hey, we're going to do a crappy hack job remake so that we can cash in on this Poseidon craze with a half point audience share!" I mean, it sure seemed that way to me.

The boring (and inconsistent) trailers just clinched it for me.

All I can say is that I NEVER go to the bathroom during movies, because I'm afraid I might miss something. I even sat through the entirety of "Pink Panther", for God's sake.

I happily left the theater in the middle of this one.

I loved how only the WASPs made it out alive... so obvious and typical. If you saw anyone who had a hint of ethnic appeal, you knew they were going to die. I thought that little boy should've been able to save them all by biting through the hull of the boat with those big bucky beavers he was sporting.

I guess there must be a type who frequents "Pajiba", and I am not a member . . . I found this to be SO much better than Mission Impossible III. It was exactly what I want in an adventure movie - a little background and a lot of action. I was a fan of the original camp, and am an even bigger fan of this one. I was exhausted when I left, because it was intense and crazy. The scene in the shaft had me unknowingly holding my breath.

As an aside, I'd also like to know why people feel that we need "character development" to care if people live or die. Are people so cold that they only want people to live if they personally know or like them? Frankly I was rooting for everyone . . . they are fictional characters, but damn, it seems kind of bizarre to project the idea that these characters aren't 'worthy' of concern because one doesn't know their hometowns or whether they like cats or dogs more.

It sucked, huh? Sad. Now Fergie will have to find another vehicle for her unparalleled acting talent.

Well at least when she is wet you can't tell if she's peed herself, poor Fergie, she makes Phyllis Diller look hot.
Is Emmy Rossum cross eyed?

Message from Scotland Yard. (Eep did say that "the English police are already on the case.")

Phillip, it's apparent that not only can you spell, you can also punctuate and arrange grammatically correct sentences. Eep should have looked up "prolificacy" (try dictionary.com), and then determined whether its usage made sense, before posting. But, really, Phillip--using a word like "prolificacy" in a review of _Poseidon_? We're still furrowing our collective unibrow over that one.

By the way, I posted to point out the correct spelling of Wolfgang Petersen's last name (post since deleted) not because I'm a nit-picking freak with nothing better to do, but because if you're going to criticize someone in print, have the courtesy to spell his name correctly--and lend yourself credibility in the process. Which you've done.

In any case, your review of _Poseidon_ confirms my decision not to see it. It doesn't sound as if there's a character as interesting as Gene Hackman's from the original. Hackman's character, a troubled, renegade preacher who leads his flock to salvation by sacrificing himself in the process, provided an intriguing dimension to what was otherwise a standard disaster flick. Yes, there were religious overtones in the original; think of the group Hackman's group runs into whose blind faith convinces them they are "on the right path" even as they march obediently to the bow of the ship--and thus even further underwater and presumably to their final reward. And dig Hackman's final speech when he rails against God for thwarting his flock at every turn, just before he plunges into the fiery pool (lake of fire, anyone?). There was an irreverence in many '70s films of all stripes (e.g., _M*A*S*H_) that filmmakers today probably wouldn't dare repeat given the national socio-religious climate.

On the other hand, lowbrow tastes in the original are served by the gamfest provided by Carol Lynley, Pamela Sue Martin, and Connie Stevens, all of whom just happen to be in skimpy outfits when the wave hits the ship. Watching Connie Stevens climb a ladder in negligee and heels is a highlight of my movie-watching youth. Though, of course, Stevens's character, a former prostitute, pays the price by plunging into the lake of fire before the final redemption, yet Martin (too young and innocent) and Lynley (too bloody clueless) are presumably wholesome enough to survive. From the review, I gather that Petersen's remake lacks a subtext like that--although I do have to wonder: When Petersen's ship flips over, can people see U-96 and the Andrea Gale on the bottom of the ocean?

Geeze, the main reason I brought it up was to poke fun at the grammar police already out in force. I simply misread what had been typed (or it was changed after I made the comment; get Avery in here to make me a movie).

Agree with you DDT about Hackman, and one might also point out that recently-deceased multiple Oscar winner Shelley Winters had a significant, Oscar-nominated (and heart-breaking, if memory serves) role as well.

P.S., DDT, do you mean the Andrea Gail? I'm calling in a citizen's arrest on behalf of the maritime police.

I think this movie could have been great if somehow the boat had been carrying some weird virus that caused the survivors to have to fight off zombies as they made their way to the top (bottom) of the boat. There is nothing that can't be made better by the introduction of the flesh eating undead.

Now, excuse me while I eagerly await Snakes on A Plane. Here's hoping theres at least one walking dead guy there to keep the snakes company.

Obviously it was missing some sort of pet gimmick, like snakes or something...maybe a water monster, yeah!!!! That's the ticket!

I'm tired of crappy remakes of films that were crappy in the first place. Apparently The Omen is next. [Sigh!] Maybe they should spend part of those multi-million dollar budgets on some originality. Think I'll check out The Proposition instead.

Also loved the way only the white people survived. Hell, I'm shocked the Gay Architect didn't bite it. While sitting through this mess of a movie, I mentioned to my to my two, "You know, I would've just stayed in the Party Room, drinking myself into an angrily drunk stupor and praying for alcohol poisoning to take me out before the water exacts its grisly revenge. Because the minute I decided to leave with the Survival Party, I would've ended up killed in some highly unpleasant manner due to my non-Aryanness. Better to spend my last moments on earth having dirty, drunken sex with a hot passenger."

Ethnic cleansing in "lifeboat" and "haunted lifeboat" genre movies; for the latter see "Pitch Black", where the little Arab boys perish like characters in a politically incorrect nursery rhyme. As disposable as Darfur, or one of those places that get bumped from the headlines when an American dies somewhere eslse. Amazing that these studios and directors don't feel too selfconscious. But hell, if they cared what people thought they wouldn't make this crap.