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But What If ... and I'm Just Spitballing Here ... But What if Collusion Weren't a Crime?

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | July 30, 2018 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | July 30, 2018 |


snl-sopranos-trump-.jpg


By my count, Donald Trump has written 108 tweets, so far, that have contained the phrase “No collusion,” plus innumerable instances in which he has publicly insisted there was no collusion (including in front of Russian President Vladimir Putin). He tweeted it again yesterday as part of his weekly Twitter meltdown:

But look, what if — and I’m just spitballing here — but what if collusion weren’t a crime?


Did I just blow your mind?! COLLUSION IS NOT A CRIME. Shut it down, Mueller! Pack it up. Go home. Collusion is not a crime. What are you even investigating, man? A year and a half spent on investigating a non-existent crime? So what if Donald Trump colluded with the Russians to win an illegitimate election? NO CRIME. It doesn’t even matter. Didn’t you hear? Vladimir Putin is our friend now! Why are we all getting worked up over the President of the United States chatting with officials linked to Putin in an effort to sway the election? That’s just politics! NO CRIME!

It’s just so weird, I guess, that Trump has spent so much of the last year projectile vomiting “NO COLLUSION,” when collusion isn’t even a crime. What’s he being so defensive about? I mean, he colluded with Putin during OBAMA’S administration! If there was a crime, Obama surely would’ve prosecuted him, right? NO CRIME. Where in the Constitution does it say “collusion,” huh? Huh? I mean, sure the Constitution says “high crimes and misdemeanors,” but nowhere does it say that “collusion” qualifies. NO CRIME. Not even a misdemeanor! Parking tickets are more criminal!

But here’s the weird thing. If collusion is not a crime (NO CRIME), why is Guilianni, Trump, et. al trying so hard to discredit Michael Cohen? Michael Cohen is a scumbag, so what if he says that Trump colluded with the Russians? NO CRIME.

But you know what is a crime? Perjury. And here’s the twist: Don Jr. told Congress that Trump didn’t know about the Trump Tower meeting ahead of it. Cohen disputes that. At this point, it’s just one scumbag’s word against another scumbag’s word. But what if — and again, I’m just spitballing here — but what if one of the people in that room, oh, I dunno, disputed Don Jr’s. account? Like, say, Paul Manafort — who is facing decades in prison. Or Jared Kushner, who is being investigated for all number of financial crimes. Or Hope Hicks, who may not want to risk prison over a lie.

It just takes one, and then Don Jr. goes away for perjury, and then Donald Trump loses his shit, and then Donald Trump fires Rosenstein, and Mueller, and the already strong obstruction case that Mueller is mounting against Trump is suddenly an airtight case. And you know what is a crime? OBSTRUCTION.

What about that, huh, Giuliani? Is perjury not a crime? Is obstruction not a crime? Are you going to try and argue that, too?



Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.



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