Pajiba

Can't "The Hills" be set in Iraq? Outside the green zone?
And make a reality show about Madonna fighting the entire cast of the original (that i actually have to say that!) Casablanca risen from their graves to take horrible vengance on her.

I didn't even bother finishing the round-up before commenting. I emailed Dustin about this from a yahoo link...and I imagine i wasn't the only one. Now....

Who the FUCK does this bitch think she is? Not to sound misoginist, or sexist, or whatever...but fuck her. She can die. I don't care how. Casablanca is one of THOSE movies. The ones you leave the fuck alone. What they caught there was so organic and unexpected it can NEVER be reproduced.

Alex the Odd, you mission, should you choose to accept it, is to creep into the residence of one Madonna ShitbagwhoreRitchie and end her life. Do it in a box. Do it with a fox. Do it with rocks. Or with electric shocks. I don't like how she looks like a man. i do not like her...PissBoy I am. As always...should you be discovered or captured in your mission, you will be disavowed and all record of your service will be denied. God save the queen. Alex...save the world from Madonna.

...oh....and stop by Gwynneth's house on the way home. Cuz she's just conceited/uppity enough to try it herself if Madonna fails.

You know, I bet they're gonna move to "remaking" whole TV series next. 10 years from now- Miley Cyrus is....... Carmela Soprano. Tony will be played, of course, by Joel Madden.

Oh believe me, PissBoy: were I not so fucking hungover that I can barely see let alone hoist a weapon above waist height I would accept my mission with a song in my heart and a spring in my step. If you're willing to wait until my body clock has come to terms with British Fucking Summer time, my hand eye co-ordination has returned and my liver has stopped bitching at me I'll be more than willing to get on with that.

I would also like to state on behalf of my countrymen and countrywomen we did not ask for her. We did not ask for her, we do not want her and we will willingly give her away to the first third-world nation that is willing to trade us a goat and/or some beads. They need not be shiny, or even particularly well made.

Honestly, I heard the news about the Asablanca-cay Fiasco before and I wanted to claw off my own fingers with my toes... But then I composed myself and realized that Madonna has been her own personal April's Fool for a long, long, long time.

It's like one day I'm gonna wake up and there that douchenozzle Kutcher will be with his trucker hat, a camera and his own self-importance and he'll say something to the effect of me being punk'd from birth and that all of this madness, all of these awful movies were a lie. A horrible, disgusting, idiot-produced lie.

Then I'll kick him in the taint outta my house and go back to bed, receive no repercussions for not showing up to my f'ing eight a.m. class. Then I graduate with honors and I win a private island, because apparently that's the prize you win for kicking Kutcher in the taint, where good movies are shown and made every single day... and I can eat all the chocolate I want. And I'm snuggled up to John Krasinski alllll day.

But then in some horrible Twilight Zone twist, my eyes pop out of my head and I'm unable to see any of the movies so that evil villain from Dudley Doright will some how become the production head of my "Awesome Island" movie company and he'll ship John Krasinski off to a factory that makes Robin Williams movies and he'll greenlight thousands and thousands of Wayans movies and "Scary Date from Super Hell Movies."

Sigh... What is it about morning college courses that make even my fantasies seem bleek and discouraging? Oh well, it could be worse.

I could be the one in Madonna's entourage paid to tell her everything she does is brilliant. *shudder*

She looks good. Is she single now? I saw her on "W e a l t h yR o m a n c e.c o m" last week. It is said she is in relationship with a young billionaire on that site now.

Meet Dave looks like, as if it needed said, shit. I would only see it if the reason that Riley Finn is in it is because he was dispatched to blow Eddie Murphy's "brains" out the back of his head and then set fire to the remains. Elizabeth Banks (that was her, right?) is quickly using up the goodwill from her Scrubs appearances.
And brain tracheotomy? That sounds like Wadlow's brain should be donated to science so they can determine how he lived with a trachea in his frontal lobe. Which may well be the case.

Who let Nicolas Cage ruin my beloved hired-assassin genre? Jeezy Creezy.

Dear Eddie,

Look, you had a good run for a while. Before the fat suits and the cross-dressing and "family guy" movies and trying to be the black Jerry Lewis. 48 Hours? Check. Beverly Hills Cop? Check. Trading Places? Check. Coming to America? (Not my taste, but check.) Raw and Delirious are fucking canon.

In sum, it's over. Take yourself back to your mansion, maybe see if you can go back to standup. Call Chris Rock for tips.

Love,

Everyone

"She looks good"....whoa, does she mean Madonna? All right, who's been giving crack to the Spambot?

Dustin,

trust me, nobody over here wants Madonna. (Well except maybe my stupid sister who buys tickets for all her bloody gigs - and I disowned her years ago for that...)
The first time I heard Madge's oh-so-British put-on accent, I gagged. And then she's making disparaging comments about London Transport. OK, it's crap, but it's OUR crap, and only we get to say so! And now - Casablanca?!!? She must die!

Alex- if you do the stabbing, I'll hold your coat.

Madonna... I just... I mean... This is a cruel, cruel joke. I haven't even had coffee yet, and I find out that MADONNA wants to remake... ugh... shudder... I can't even say it.
I am at an utter loss for words. If this actually gets made, I'll fly to England myself to blow Madonna up (Alex, whatever you do, just please don't send her to Canada).

Re: the crack addled spambot - I love the way she's apparently dating a "young billionaire" on the site. Because when you trawl online dating sites for men based entirely on their annual income age really matters, you know?

I wouldn't dream of sending Madonna to Canada, I have a fierce love for the Canadians and would never subject them to such horrors.

I do enjoy the way that I am apparently the Murder Tank's European ambassador.

Over at TMZ.com they're reporting that Madonna is denying the rumors that she's remaking Casablanca. So let's hope that's true at least.

Alright...I already went on about this but I just can't get the bile taste out of my mouth.

Again...who the fuck does madonna think she is?!

Madonna honey. You got lucky. If not for your uncanny ability to fuck a producer with talent at your young, doe-eyed, pubic liced age of 25. (Wasn't it awesome when that itching sensation stopped?) On EVERY other plain of human existance you are, right now, still living in Detroit. And guess what? You're a chain smoking, 49 year-old babysitter with syphilis. You hate your life but can't get away from your role of repeatedly ending people's marriages because you keep offering to blow white-trash dads in exchange for gas money so you can get to your 2nd job working 3rd shift at the local truck stop. Now don't be upset by this reality because you are still appreciated at the truck stop for your oral stylings. Don't worry about the sores around your mouth. They go away eventually. (i think) So congratulations Madonna. Way back when...you blew the right person. And we've been paying for it for 25 years.

...bitch.

Well, the good thing about having Madonna set Casablanca in Iraq, is that she can't call it fucking Casablanca!

I can see it now. Michael Jackson is the owner of Mick's Cafe in Dubai. Then suddenly, Madonna walks in. Michael is stunned at first, but asks Stevie Wonder (at the piano)to play "their" song. Stevie starts in with, "Looking back on when I was a little nappy headed boy." "Not that our song, the other one!" Michael rants. Stevie starts up with "You are the sunshine of my life," as Michael walks over to Madonna and asks her, "Can I buy your bones?"

Um, PB, Madonna's got skills. Pop skills they are, but skills, and she's got to be a hell of a businesswoman in order to be as successful as she has been for so long.

I'm not exactly a fan fan, but I'm not going to discount the abilities that have made her so successful for... nearly three decades now?

a) Madonna--I neither lover her nor hate her nor give a shit what she does as I won't pay any money for it.

b) sigh...Steve Martin

c) When did Nicholas Cage become the creepy younger brother of Gene Simmons?

d) Eddie Murphy breaks my heart

e) mr.wsapnin & I scored some tix to see "Kids In The Hall" at the Ryman in Nashville. HOLLA!
(sorry, it's irrelevent, but I had to share)

Madonna's skills are not talents AT ALL. She is a mediocre singer at best. She knows which producers to latch onto and when. That is it. Granted she is shrewd, but that's as far as it goes. She needs to get the fuck over herself. She doesn't write her music. She doesn't write her songs. Her skillz extend to being able to recognize when someone else is a creative genius. That's not talent. That's equivalent of being able to look and a painting and say 'OOOO!!! Pretty!"

wsapnin: I am jealous! Kids in the Hall?!? Gah! First I miss The State live a couple of weeks ago and now this? Damn living in Ohio where nothing but suck comes to visit! Bah!

MacGyver would NEVER make use of a pubic hair. He was on a family show, for chrissakes, and he's been waiting all his life for a girl like me- he's never been past first base. You think that distaste for guns doesn't transfer to his own anatomy? But I'll fix that.

Oh, I'll fix that.

twig, I agree. I despise 95% of her stuff, she's horribly annoying as a person, and she can't act her way out of a bag. BUT. Talent or no talent, she's got a head for business and self-marketing like nobody else. And Pissboy, in response to her skillz extend to being able to recognize when someone else is a creative genius--that IS a skill. She knows who to pair with and when to pair with them in order to keep her music relevant. That's most certainly a skill, if only a business skill.

I'm prepared to be killed here, but personally, the thing I respect about her (yes, I said respect), is that she's never apologized for anything she's done. Again, is she an attention whore? Hell yes. Is she a shallow wretch? Hell yes. But, she's always put herself out there, opinions be damned. She's never had a "wardrobe malfunction," never been afraid to so something taboo (if only for the publicity), and she's never backpedaled on any decision she's made. And that, for women especially, is a big fucking deal.

never had a "wardrobe malfunction,"

Nope, Madonna totally wanted her twat and boobs on full display. No malfunction when you're hitchhiking nude or writhing on top of...you know, everything.
But, yeah. Good for her for not apologizing for her past. But she needs to quit trying to ruin the future with her attempts to be an actress.

I think Madonna was talented...emphasis on the word was. She never had an impressive set of pipes, but her songs were catchy, she was insanely influential, and I always admired her brashness.

But it's over. We're through. Anymore she comes across as a woman who still views herself as the most powerful person in the music business despite not creating a decent song in years, and she reeks of self grandeur. REEKS of it. It chokes me in my sleep at night from allll the way across the Atlantic. And she scares me with her bulging man veins.

I hope to hell that this "The Tomb" isn't the loooong awaited Repairman Jack movie.

PissBoy, I think what we, in my family, like to call that is a low cunning. Not enough to accomplish anything particularly of note, but enough to survive against all odds, even when it necessitates leaving a bloody wake behind you. I hope to God this is some kind of joke, and if it's not I hope she wises up but quick and takes advantage of the day to be like "oh, yeah, totally a joke... April Fools!"

And if not, Alex the Odd can get her schedule to me and we'll organize a date to carry out this mission, because I'd be more than happy to help and I'm only one island over.

Nic Cage really doesn't like aging does he? I mean, ok it sucks and all, but let it happen gracefully and you'll be so much better off. There's no worse look than the "bald on top, party in the back" style mullet.

I ... I think PissBoy just earned whatever the blog version of a Pulitzer is.

And in other casting news that makes one wonder how hard could it really be to make it in Hollywood.

GOODIE TWO SHOES (additional roles)

Feature Film


Independent Feature Film

Lions Gate Distributing

Producer: Peter Safran, Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer

Directors: Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer

Writers: Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer

Casting Directors: Amanda Koblin

Casting Associate: Joanne Jimenez

Casting Assistant: Benjamin Malbrough

Start Date: Approx. April 28, 2008

Location: Shreveport, Louisiana



SUBMIT ELECTRONICALLY ONLY



NO SCRIPT AVAILABLE AT THIS TIME.

ALL ROLES ARE SCALE +10%

CAMEO IDEAS WELCOME.

ALL ROLES MUST HAVE GREAT COMIC TIMING!



[ FLAVA-FLAV ]

Look-a-like (2 scenes, 2 lines)

[ DR. PHIL ]

Look-a-like (2 scenes, 3 lines)

[ ANGELINA JOLIE ]

Look-a-like (1 scene, 1 line)

[ UNDERWEAR MODEL ]

20’s, male – incredibly good looking (2 scenes, 5 lines)

[ JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE ]

Look-a-like (2 scenes, 4 lines)

[ JESSICA SIMPSON ]

Look-a-like (2 scenes, 3 lines)

[ HANCOCK ]

Will Smith look-a-like (2 scenes, 3 lines)

[ CARRIE ]

a la Sarah Jessica Parker, BUT A GUY IN DRAG…great cameo ideas welcome! (1 scene, 7 lines)

[ SAMANTHA ]

a la Kim Cattrall (look-a-like) (1 scene, 2 lines)

[ PRINCE ]

20’s, handsome, Caucasian…fairy-tale like (2 scenes, 6 lines)

[ PARIS HILTON ]

Look-a-like (2 scenes, 3 lines)

[ MILD MANNERED MAN ]

An Ed Norton type (1 scene, 1 line)

[ MUSCLE GUY ]

An extremely buff man (1 scene, 1 line)

[ MICHAEL JACKSON ]

Look-a-like (2 scenes, 2 lines)

[ LOVE GURU ]

Mike Myers look-a-like (1 scene, 2 lines)

[ JONAH ]

Jonah Hill look-a-like (idea can even be exaggerated; i.e. : extremely overweight)(1 scene, 4 lines)

[ MCLOVER ]

A nerdy, slender kid in his late teens (1 scene, 3 lines)

[ MICHAEL CERA ]

Look-a-like (1 scene, 2 lines)

STORY LINE: A group of friends go on a life changing adventure.

God only knows the hilarity that will ensue once the script is finalized. All you look-a-likes out there, here's your chance.

I think Madonna should do a sci-fi movie. How about a new addition to the Alien franchise - she can be the incubator person who *births* out of her chest. Maybe we can distract her with the idea?

[crosses arms stubbornly]

She will NOT remake Casablanca.

Dammit.

But if she does, I have a pair of concrete shoes, size bony, that will fit her nicely.

...size bony, that will fit her nicely.

::hugs boo::

Awesome.

Do I risk the wrath of everyone on the planet if I admit that I have never seen Casablanca?

It just...it just looks so boring.

I will turn in my Pajiba credentials now. [drink!]

I'm about to get myself kicked off of this website permanently.

*deep breath*

I love Madge's music. I saw her in concert - twice. (Perhaps my saving grace in all of this is that I won the tickets for the second concert by taking my shirt off in front of a crowd of drunken morning show fiends.) She puts on an amazing show.

(Thank the Godtopus Julie doesn't know my address.)

[grabs PissBoy's butt with one hand, slaps Julie with the other]

There is NO EXCUSE, Gulia! NONE.

And yes, I just molested and aggressed. So what?! This Madonna fuckery really pisses me off.

WOW. I mean WOW Julie. i can understand going to a certain age (22, 23 or so) and never having seen the movie but c'mon. Got lots of love for you but the movie is far from boring. There is suspense galore. Brilliant performances. Emotion out the asshole. (I think that was a tagline on the original poster.) It really has everything a movie should have. That's why it's so amazing. I'm floored. If there is one movie you need to put in you NetFlix, its this. NOT Red Dawn. Not Roadhouse. Not Karate Kid. Nothing...but this.

Madonna re-doing Casablanca?!?!?!

Please, please, please tell me this is an April Fool's joke.

If not, then please, please, please tell me this will be the greatest surrealist movie EVER, with a thinly-disguised Madonna in every single role. (I'm personally looking forward to seeing Madonna attempt to re-create Peter Lorre's performance.)

...mmmmmmmmm.

Hurts so nice boo. Hurts soooooo nice.

PissBoy, I know! I know. I always wanted to see it, and then I caught 20 minutes of it when my roommate was watching it back in Manayunk and I guess because it was the middle of the film I just didn't get it...hence the boredom.

Emotion out the asshole.

That's enough to sell it. I trust your opinion, so I will watch it.

I feel so dirty now. And shamed. Like I'm at church or something.

Boo, don't threaten me, I will slap you back. And NOT in the face.

/me needs more coffee so that he closes tags properly. (Sorry.)

I have little to add, because somehow Pissboy has gotten into my head and said everything I think about Madonna, only he said it better than I could.

Madonna is one year younger than my mother. One year. And it's just odd to me that she continues to attempt to fool everyone by pumping so much iron that one can't help but stare at her massive thighs and linebacker shoulders and completely miss the tragic train accident that is her face. I just want to grab her and shake her and shout "Stop trying to be 20! Stop it! There's nothing wrong with being a 50-year-old world-famous kagillionaire! OWN IT!"

Obviously, she cannot be stopped. And like it or not, there is a number of people that enjoy her music and like the fact that she can still put on a killer show.

Unfortunately, anything she does outside of music(i.e. films) sucks withered zombie balls.

So here's my solution - America don't want her, London don't want her, and I can't imagine anywhere else is chomping at the bit to have a sinewy, muscle-bound megalomaniac invading/infecting their homeland, so why don't we give her what she wants? Her own friggin' island (which in reality, would be a cleverly-disguised garbage-barge)? We hire a staff of willing Pajibans (aka the civilization) airdrop her in, tell her she's the friggin queen of the joint and whatever crackpot schemes she's got bouncing around in that pale noodle of hers is "brilliant". Remake "Casablanca"? Brilliant! Remake "The Dirty Dozen" with women? Brilliant! On so on...

The kicker is, the Pajibans will have her convinced (i.e. "The Truman Show") that various ways of getting off the island keep falling through, thus keeping her crazy ass put. We'll record everything as the grandest, magnificantest, most Punkedest fucking prank ever devised. Once a week, we'll send out the MurderSub to swap out members of the community (and to prevent any beloved 'Jibans from goes friggin' bonkers). Then, we sell the videos of her wacky highjinks to TMZ, photos of her to all the gossip rags, and any music she produces, we'll put out under our own label - Jibatunes. We'll make a goddamed fortune!

And then I can get those multiple breast implants I've always wanted all over my body and become the crimefighting "Booby McGee"...

There are not enough words in the dictionary to convey how much I adore Skitt's rantings.

The MurderSub should be equiped with the type of sonar that shatters the cochlea and warps the minds of specific targets, like Madonna or Michael Bay or people who Google Joshua Jackson for funsies.

And then I can get those multiple breast implants I've always wanted all over my body and become the crimefighting "Booby McGee"...

What about Tittimus Maximus?

Hee. Nice.

Well, I was actually planning on using a techno remix of Joplin's "Bobby Mcgee" as my theme music, but I likes the cut of yer jib, PissBoy. "Tittimus Maximus" it is...

I've never seen Casablanca either, Julie.

DON'T YELL AT ME PISSBOY! I already added it to the queue!

Um. Sorry. I've had a lot of caffeine.

Oh, and regarding The Madonna Problem, just slap some horn-rimmed glasses on someone and have them give a press conference announcing the discovery of the fountain of youth. Then direct her, authoritatively, to a drinking fountain in the Newark airport with a little Post-It stuck on it that says "Fountain of Youth." Cuz no offense, residents of New Jersey, but the Newark airport is the armpit of the western world, so it's not like she can make it any worse. Besides, how long can it really take for her to drink until she ruptures something vital and dies?

Brain tracheotomy? They're keeping brains in necks these days?
Also, Gossip Girl is hardly comparable to The Hills or Laguna Beach. If anything, it's comparable to The OC, but with wealthier people and better acting.

Ah, the Newark Airport security line...where my will to live went to die.

I love you, pajiba.

Shadows, want to have a lover's quarrel in the Trading Spaces thread? :p

Joshua jackson is not dead you asshole.

llls, we already discussed this yesterday...he is dead and he's currently having high tea with Hitler.

He died tragically on an adventure to the artic circle to club baby seals. Michael Bay was driving. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Joshua Jackson exploded. So...he's dead. I think Bay had something to do with it since he's addicted to things going boom!

Remake "The Dirty Dozen"

Skitt, I will find you. That will never, Ever, happpen. Got it?

Madge, Madonna, Ester, Quit it. You had one good movie. A League of their Own. That is it. Nothing else. I will give you your props on the music career and reinvention. Movies are not your forte. You need to quit it now. Maybe you should reinvent yourself as a guru to troubled "starlets" like Brit or Lohan and reinvent them. I beg you, woman, quit making movies and also the working out is freakish at this point. You are aware that I have He-Man dolls with smaller muscles than you. Half of the WWE/F with their steroids are smaller than you. Barry Bonds is smaller than you. Unless you are trying to become the real-life version of the Hulk, quit working out. Seriously.

Nicholas Cage? People, I am warning you. TK apparently is not here yet, but when he sees this Cage news, the zombies will be out.

Be afraid, people, very afraid.

*arctic. DAMMIT!! i fell victim to my own pet peeve.

Muah ha ha. Spelling errors are funny.

I also USED to think Casablanca was going to be boring, because I'd only seen bits and pieces of it. After I rented it and saw it from start to finish, I realized that it was brilliant. No, it's not fast paced, but the sexual tension is great. There are so many good performances.

Ingrid Bergman (beautiful without makeup)
Humphrey Bogart (the sexiest, ugly, short, skinny man ever)
Claude Rains (THE Invisible Man, visible and with no morals)
Conrad Veidt (The zombie in The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari)
Sydney Greenstreet (old and fat)
Peter Lorre (young and thin)
S.Z. Sakall (Carl the bartender, you'll recognize him when you see him, even if you don't know the name)
Dooley Wilson (Sam, Play it again)

I also USED to think Casablanca was going to be boring, because I'd only seen bits and pieces of it. After I rented it and saw it from start to finish, I realized that it was brilliant. No, it's not fast paced, but the sexual tension is great. There are so many good performances.

Ingrid Bergman (beautiful without makeup)
Humphrey Bogart (the sexiest, ugly, short, skinny man ever)
Claude Rains (THE Invisible Man, visible and with no morals)
Conrad Veidt (The zombie in The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari)
Sydney Greenstreet (old and fat)
Peter Lorre (young and thin)
S.Z. Sakall (Carl the bartender, you'll recognize him when you see him, even if you don't know the name)
Dooley Wilson (Sam, Play it again)

Julie: there's peach sangria? That sounds delightful!

(yeah, wrong page, I'm gonna try to ask a simple question over at "Trading Places"? I don't think so.)

(Janine Melnitz forever!!!!)

Oh yeah, "Casablanca"'s pretty good like they said. I'd recommend penciling in "The Maltese Falcon" and "The Big Sleep" as well if you've missed them (and the first arc of "Desolation Jones" by Warren Ellis which was "The Big Sleep" made even scuzzier). Of course you know me well enough to at least know "Overdrawn at the Memory Bank" is also recommended, if for much different reasons. Watching Humphrey be a resentful smartass is so satisfying, but the man can also ache. Oh he certainly can.

I saw a LiveJournal icon yesterday that was a still from the "Vogue" video, you know, with the see-through lace top and the big brassy curly mop of lustrous hair? Made me a little wistful and sad.

Heh, Jay, I just got back from my delicious Thai lunch. Not only is it sangria, it's Jesus blessed sangria! Mmmm...sacrilicious.

Julie - how about a recipe? I make a pretty damn good Sangria, but never peach or white - Mr. Kolby likes the red.

Tonight I am taking out my "Boy Toy" belt, black lace gloves, and tape of True Blue, dousing the lot with rum and the blood of a rooster, and setting them ablaze in our fire pit. For added effect, I'll be wearing a white dress and occasionally spitting 151 on the fire to make it blaze. This method has worked successfully in the past. Madonna and her stupid red string won't know what hit them. But if all else fails I'll buzz Head Necromancer to the Stars, TK, to see about hiring one of his traveling hordes.

Helen Mirren was on the Today show this morning for a segment about her autobiography. Now there's a woman who knows how to wear her age exceptionally well. ReOOOOW! I only can dream to look that awesome at 62. Madonna needs to buzz Ms. Helen for some tea and advice on how not to morph into a transvestite ghoul in her old age.

"Not only is it sangria, it's Jesus blessed sangria! Mmmm...sacrilicious."

Heeeeee. I am fairly certain that is precisely what my day is lacking. I feel very strongly that a little liquor will mix nicely with the nuclear levels of caffeine I've already ingested. Maybe I can turn my bloodstream into a Molotov cocktail!

Madonna came from zero and toughed her way through one of the most competitive professions around - without being a classic beauty. There is something to that, whether one likes her music or her acting or whatever. Sure, she's tedious now, but she does deserve props.

Kolby, I prefer red but the recipe for white peach sangria I use contains 1 bag of frozen peaches (juicier) and a fresh one or two, white wine (I like a good Riesling or Gewurztraminer), brandy, and little bit of sugar.

It makes me horny. For Jesus.

[thunderbolt hits Julie in the middle of the office]

Hell yes Alabama, Helen Mirren is a brilliant actress with impeccable taste with the bonus of being funny AND incredibly sexy.

I adore Helen Mirren. I hope to look that delicious when I'm older. I also hope to have fabulous tits like hers one day. It's good to dream.

Julie - sounds yummy.

Uh... am I correct in assuming that this'll probably be it for today, or is the whole shitstorm over on the "Trading Spaces" thread just an elaborate, cleverly-acted April Fool's joke?

I'm seriously confused, and Minumus is just plain grumpy...

Minerva on a stick, I leave for my Irish Gaelic class and Pajiba fucking explodes. I'll be in my denial corner till April Fools day is over, thanks.

And I think that Alabamapink's idea is the best advice I've heard for Madonna yet. They should televise that, I'd love to see Madge take the piss out of Lindsey Lohan from the comfort of my home. It'd revitalize more than one career.

Also, sign me up for the sacrilicious peach sangria.

Lover's quarrel? Julie, with the inferno raging in there, we'd quickly go unnoticed...and then noticed just enough to be attacked as well. I don't know if I'm horrified or extremely amused yet...I'll wait to see the remains when the dust clears. In any case...I'm staying back. I like a good ole fashioned brawl like the rest of em...but I'd rather watch from the sidelines.

I love me some sangria. Got all kinds of recipes...it's a staple of our family picnics. However...don't know if we've ever tried peach...that does sound really, really good.

It makes me horny. For Jesus.

What doesn't?

Here we've spent all this time and effort trying to get Britney Spears to kill herself (we need the corn harvest, y'all), when we should've been going after fucking Madge. Damnit.

Here's my sangria recipe, me uncle taught me:

I cube 1 large green apple, 1 large orange, 1 lemon and 1 lime. Then I throw all that into a pitcher and pour apple juice, orange juice, grape juice and good red wine over it, along with some triple sec and a pinch of cinnamon. Brandy is optional. I let the fruit break down before adding ice.

It's rather non-traditional, but all the juices and fruit make it so refreshing. Great on a summer day.

(mock anger) Are you afraid of a good old fashioned rumble Shadows? You pony-loving unicorn-jammies-wearing girlie man!! (/mock anger)

[slaps you]

Heeeeee. I am fairly certain that is precisely what my day is lacking. I feel very strongly that a little liquor will mix nicely with the nuclear levels of caffeine I've already ingested. Maybe I can turn my bloodstream into a Molotov cocktail!

Oh, jeez. Sarina's going to implode. She's been drinking Rock Star all day!

SoD, I think we should drink that sangria from the sidelines. Julie, bring the drink, I'll get the popcorn.

I heart Helen Mirren, by the way. I wish I had that body now.

You pony-loving unicorn-jammies-wearing girlie man!!

Yeah...that just turns me on when you say it...you know that...

Kolby, that sounds divine. Like nectar dripping from the wings of rosy-cheeked cherubs. I must make that.

So then, if I understand it correctly, the terrible April Fools joke was a film theory on Trading Places by the one writer who brings out the crazies, and the site writers going at each other's throats. Right?

Gah!

Between my students pretending to do their work early and this I think my head is going to explode!

...and yet, the Madonna non-April fools information is still so much worse!

mmmm Sangria

My two cents is the best mix contains white wine, bubbly, strawberries and raspberries. Thor, I cant wait for summer!

I have some residual trauma surrounding Casablanca (saw it on a BAD date), but come on, Madge! Some cultural icons must not be messed with. (If she had retired quietly and gracefully, she might have maintained "cultural icon" status too.)
And now, back to my draft of Hip-Hop-Hamlet.

Kolby, that sounds orgasmic, I'll use that recipe next time! Possibly my sister's bachelorette party this weekend, I'm going to need to be drunk if I'm being forced to wear plastic dicks around my neck.

Shadows...I do know. :)

So then, if I understand it correctly, the terrible April Fools joke was a film theory on Trading Places by the one writer who brings out the crazies, and the site writers going at each other's throats. Right?

Si!

Aren't jokes supposed to be funny?

Julie, stop acting like you don't like plastic penii.

I hate bachelorette parties Nicole. Don't make me go :(

hmmph. Madonna is cool. That's all I have to say.

I, too, detest bachelorette parties. Especially destination ones. I had to go to Sea Isle for one last July, and my poor sister has to go to one in AC. She's already freaking out about how much that will cost. For the love of Godtopus, we live in the sixth largest city in the country. Is there no satisfactory location in which to celebrate this loathesome tradition in which the bride wears a tiara, penis necklace, and boa, has strange, grungy men dance up on her, and get so drunk that she ends up vomiting on the curb?

You can always plead food poisoning. Nothing says "I can't make it to your party" like a case of uncontrollable diarrhea.

Alex The Odd, being from a developing country *coughs, clears throat* We don´t want Madonna here either STOP DUMPING your used and abused products!

Thank you, ladies and gents

Hey, Wsapnin, you called it first. Yeah, when I was watching that Nic Cage trailer, all I could think about was "Who died and made him Gene Simmons?"
With any luck, Simmons will get pissed and sic a pack of lawyers on him....

Sangria. Been a long time since I had any, of any flavor. The one with the bubbly and raspberries sounds fun.....But it's gonna have to like warm up a tad first.....

ya gotta believe that somewhere there is a higher power, than will not allow the old slut to remake Casablanca.
for more bogey...even better, w/bacall.

To have and have not.

Key largo.

gotta watch em.

Cyndi Lauper and Madonna came on the scene about the same time. I thought Cyndi would be the one to last. She was weird-funny where Madonna was weird-scary/disgusting. Oh well, it's a good thing no one looks to me to predict cultural trends.

Can I just say, my head split open from all the april fool's tomfoolery in Ranylt's review of Trading Spaces.

I kinda miss Jeremy too. How is he? He had some really nice reviews. I might even dare to say I would love to have his babies if he wasn't batting for the same team. Sigh.

Hey Jeremy, Can I be your faghag?