Pajiba

I've heard/seen so many fanboys and girls squeeing over this movie and how ZOMGAMAZING it is, and I just don't comprehend. Granted, I haven't seen it yet, but I HAVE seen the first two, and it's not hard to figure the third won't be a cinematic masterpiece either. I'm going to be dragged to see it next week. Joy.

Between this and Spidey 3, two summer movies have now actually been taken to task for having TOO MUCH plot. Isn't that a sign of the apocalypse?

(Not disputing the criticism, either, mind you.)

Between this and Spidey 3, two summer movies have now actually been taken to task for having TOO MUCH plot. Isn't that a sign of the apocalypse?
(Not disputing the criticism, either, mind you.)

So, I'm guessing there's a rum joke in this one as well.

I actually like this, but what do I know? I also liked X-Men 3 and the Hulk. I didn't have any problems following the plot, has to be said (No, I hadn't just finished rewatching POTC:2 before seeing this)

Good God, this one was bad. I quite enjoyed the first two, but half the plot twists made NO sense. Like, literally.

*Spoiler*

For example, what was with Chow Yun-Fat calling Elizabeth Calypso? Was he just dumb and confused, or was that a plot point they decided to change halfway through the movie? I remember the "It's just good business" white wigged guy making some allusion to young Miss Swann's importance at some stage as well, but then it fizzled out and was never explained.

Why did Bootstrap lose his memory?

Why was the aforementioned white wigged guy collecting the pieces of eight - again, just confused?

Halfway though I decided to stop worrying about plot and just get back to sighing whenever Johnny graced the screen, who is brilliant in this one. Trust me, it's the only way to do it.

What the fuck was up with Depps multiple personality hallucinations? The entire time Depp is on the screen his scenes are just creepy allusions to how messed-up his mind is.

Oh, you can't think about it, because that just makes your head hurt. My favorite would have to be:

*Spoiler*

Oh, but it depends on how you live that one day!! Uh, what? No it doesn't! It's still one day out of a decade, you moron. And, also, contrary to what the scene-tag post-credits likes to imply, in ten years, Keira Knightly WILL look different. It's called "aging." That was a total cop-out.

BUT don't worry, it'll all be resolved in the all but inevitable FOURTH movie. I went into this one expecting, I don't know *some* resolution of *something* and came away with an ending prepping me for YET ANOTHER go-round. Ugh.

the_Wakeful
What the fuck was up with Depps multiple personality hallucinations? The entire time Depp is on the screen his scenes are just creepy allusions to how messed-up his mind is.

Slight exaggeration there.Would you have been complaining if Sparrow went straight back to normal after leaving Davey Jones' locker?

I thought it was pretty entertaining myself.

With so many crappy blockbusters out there I'm at a complete loss as to why so many critics are eager to gleefully tear apart films as funny, well-acted and imaginative as these are.

friendofmle: Are you interested in the new Pirate's movie?
missmle: I'm not sure. I never finished the first one, and when I tried to watch the second one I had no clue what was happening. I was so lost and frustrated I gave up.
friendofmle: Don't feel bad, I saw the entire first one and also had no clue what was happening in the second one.
missmle: Maybe the third one will pull everything together, like, tighten it up and we won't be all lost and asking questions annoying our dates the whole time.
friendofmle: Maybe so.
Pajiba: HA. NO. The opposite of that entirely!
missmle & friendofmle: Burn.

I thought it was fun while watching it (though I had a lot of complaints) but looking back now I'm realizing how flawed it was. Too much backstabbing to keep up with and too many "epic" plots that never amounted to anything. Though the "wedding" scene, the whirlpool scene, and everytime Barbossa was on screen made the movie a lot more fun. Oh and the undead monkey obviously

^Tenzil, did you even read the review? The plot was a muddled mess and the moments of actual comedy were spaced out over a movie that was nearly 3 hours long. Moreover, I would hardly describe Mr. Carlson's review as "gleeful" in its tearing apart of the film. It seems more tired and annoyed by the three hour (non)epic that preceded it.

*SPOILER*

I agree with the folks above that the subplot with Elizabeth as Calypso was pretty aggravating when it went absolutely nowhere. And Keira Knightley can't act for shit but goddamn is she beautiful.

Seriously, what is it with trilogies? Can anyone actually name a third installment in a trilogy that didn't just blow monkeys? The first one is usually great, the second one is usually disappointing (with the notable exceptions of the Godfather and Star Wars), and the third one is a bloated mess whose sole purpose is to milk the cash cow (and yes, we are the cow). Sigh.

Ok, that review was too long and I just couldn't do it anymore, which is why I never finished watching the first movie. There's no way I'm gonna get into number 2 or 3 when I can't finish reading the fucking reviews.

The only thing I enjoyed about the second movie was how perfectly they captured Bill Nighy's sneer underneath all that CGI and makeup.

The sad part is how many immensely enjoyable actors are wrapped up in this thing, even aside from the Deppster: Bill Nighy, Geoffrey Rush, Chow-Yun Fat (could I get "The Corrupter 2," please?), Stellan Skarsgard . . . anyone else? Is Jonathon Pryce in this one?

Oops, "Corruptor."

Question: Are Pajibans excited about The Fillionator's success? Seem like no one's been talking too much about it, but "Waitress" is doing very well critically and also making over $9k per screen; only $2.1M gross so far, but that's only LA and NY. It goes into "limited release" today. So this seems like Nathan Fillion's big breakout moment, if the film gets a little more economic momentum. Is there not going to be a wide release?

I thought it was pretty entertaining myself.

With so many crappy blockbusters out there I'm at a complete loss as to why so many critics are eager to gleefully tear apart films as funny, well-acted and imaginative as these are.
>>

What, are you fucking kidding me? The first one was such a convoluted mess I couldn't even finish the damned thing! How anyone could seriously praise anything about these things, aside from perhaps the cool CGI effects (maybe), is beyond me. That Johnny Depp got an oscar nod for this part (in the first film), which is not so much acting as an impersonation and a waste of a great talent, is stupefying and bewildering.

I'm afraid I haven't read the review. I will say this. I know it's going to be bad, I know it's going to be plotless- I don't care. I have a love of awful blockbusters- it's stops my love of odd indie movies from making me too pretentious.

Also, Johnny as a pirate. Nuff said.

there was a post-credits scene?

what happened in it?

i somehow managed to pull my numb ass out of the seat and make towards the exit as soon as the credits hit.

Good God, this one was bad. I quite enjoyed the first two, but half the plot twists made NO sense. Like, literally.

*Spoiler*

For example, what was with Chow Yun-Fat calling Elizabeth Calypso? Was he just dumb and confused, or was that a plot point they decided to change halfway through the movie? I remember the "It's just good business" white wigged guy making some allusion to young Miss Swann's importance at some stage as well, but then it fizzled out and was never explained.

Why did Bootstrap lose his memory?

Why was the aforementioned white wigged guy collecting the pieces of eight - again, just confused?

Halfway though I decided to stop worrying about plot and just get back to sighing whenever Johnny graced the screen, who is brilliant in this one. Trust me, it's the only way to do it.

-Maybe Chow Yun Fat assumed the pretty white broad was the goddess.

-Bootstrap was becoming part of the ship, essentially just becoming nothing more then the coral and planks that the crew members were becoming.

-The Pieces of Eight were supposed to be the articles that the bretheren had, but they were broke and used what they had on them (i.e. a fake eye,glasses etc.)

-I followed the plot pretty easily and i was watching this all at 2am. This is supposed to be the more intelligent snarky review, are you all telling me you couldnt follow it?

I actually liked POTC #3. However, I read a lot of fantasy & sci-fi novels, so following the plot and all the back-stabbing and double-crossing took some concentration, but didn't give me a headache; and I kind of dug the surreal bits in Davy Jones' locker, with the multiple Jack Sparrows, the ship in the middle of the endless space of white, and the weird little rock crabs.

Regarding the_Wakeful's question about the multiple Sparrow's: I think that was the writers' and/or producers' attempt to show what would happen to someone like Jack Sparrow if they had to spend a long time in an isolated and sensory-deprived environment. Sparrow is someone who can't seem to exist without abusing, annoying, bamboozling, and confusing everyone around him (and seducing, if they're female); for someone like that to be shut up by himself the days or months at a time would be hell and he'd start annoying, confusing, bamboozling and abusing himself. Which is what the multiple personalities did.

I also thought the while confusion of Elizabeth Swan with Calypso was kind of weird and felt unfinished; perhaps it was just a reason to have Elizabeth travel with Soa Feng in a (somewhat) trusted role, so she could become his successor as captain?

And the whole movie was really really REALLY LONG.

But even with all those gripes, I still liked it.

I agree with Ken Hart's explanations of Chow Yun-Fat's motives, and the reason why Bootstrap Bill was losing his memory.

Also, I apologize for the typos in my earlier comment. I did review it before I posted it, but somehow those got by me. Argh.

Apparently I made the right decision not to see this movie ever.

Are Pajibans excited about The Fillionator's success?

This particular Pajiban is thrilled to dampness about it.

I've been reading all the reviews and have seen precisely one negative--and that one was written by some spelling-challenged college student in some university daily (Google News Alerts are the bee's knees, folks). I can't wait to see it for myself.

For Fillionphiles like me who go to bed at a reasonable hour and missed it, here he is on Craig Ferguson's way-too-late-show:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwdKgXP8t9w

Now, to get back to the movie this column is actually about, I didn't see the original POTC until it came out on DVD, 'cause I was, like, "They made a movie about a fucking ride?! Pssssh." My husband and I were both gobsmacked by how much FUN that first one was. The second (also a DVD experience) was not as good, of course, but we didn't puke or hold our noses or nothin'. This one'll be a DVD experience as well; I'll see it but I'm in no hurry.

On a final note, Johnny Depp in dreadlocks and too much eyeliner is inexplicably smokin' hot. My seven-year-old nephew wants to be Jack Sparrow, and his mom and his aunt want to...Never mind.

take it for what is it...stupid disney fun. computer generated thrills, crappy jokes, and a hot leading man.

***SPOILER***

Re: Elizabeth as Calypso--I felt like, in the previous scene, Barbarossa was trying to imply that Elizabeth was Calypso to Sao to bolster his case for turning against the East India Co. I swear I remember him sort of nodding and looking back at Elizabeth as he was explaining the Calypso plan.

Maybe because he knew he would lose Sao's support if he didn't pony up with a really good idea, but at the same time he couldn't lay all the cards on the table and tell him the whole truth---like who was actually Calypso.

And I know others have griped about backstabbing and convolution, but honestly that was one of my favorite parts. You had all these people who were trying to get one over on each other constantly, yet no one held a grudge. Because they're pirates damn it, and they expect than kind of disloyalty, knowing full well they'd do the same.

I thoroughly, gleefully enjoyed this movie...just like I enjoyed the last two. Sure it was overlong, overwrought, had too many subplots involving backstabbing and betrayal, the witlessly smart Rosencrantz and Guildenstern rip-offs, Keira Knightley's lips that never seem to close, Orlando Bloom's one facial expression, ridiculous battle scenes, even more ridiculous sword fights, and a child with braces blatantly on his front teeth at the beginning of the movie, but I never had any expectation other than that it would entertain more for a solid two hours. Or more. And that Johnny Depp would be prancing around in eyeliner and boozy accent and being just generally awesome. So I was utterly satisfied when I left the theater.

Strangely, I thought the worst part of the movie was any part with Keith Richards in it. He just sucked the life and humor out of every scene that he was in. I mean, for God's sake, he couldn't even make a shrunken head dangling in Jack Sparrow's face funny!

In fact, I enjoyed the movie so much that I think I'll go have some rum now. Yo ho yo ho and all that.

THE SCENE AFTER THE CREDITS:

Nice, pretty meadow overlooking the sea. The bottom of the screen reads: "Ten Years Later." We cut to a young boy, running to the edge of the meadow/cliff. He's about, why, almost ten years old. And he's singing A Pirate's Life For Me. He is trailed by his mother, Miss Elizabeth Swann-Turner, who may I say has not aged a single day! When we cut to his expectant face we see he is the exact same lad who was hung in the first scene! My, coincidences abound. His mother comes and stands by his side, smiling at his anticipation. We watch them watch the sun set and then see a flash of green light pass over their faces. Cut to: Dread Pirate Roberts Will-Davy-Jones-Turner, hanging off the mast of his ship and beaming at his family. SCENE!

Personally, I thought it was terrible because it indicated that we were, indeed, to believe that ten years had passed and it was romantic and sweet and not stupid and tragic.

Someone told me that meant that now that Elizabeth had waited, the "curse" was broken and Will was free. But, really, there must be a Davy Jones, yada-yada-yada. And I saw nothing to indicate that in the scene.

You know the only way to solve this mess, don't you? SEQUEL!!! (cue groans)

*Spoilers*

I agree that the Chow Yun Fat/Swann as Calypso twist was incredibly random and confusing. I almost bought it, as Elizabeth was the femme fatale of all three films. Did anyone notice that every man she kissed died soon after?

Barbossa kept the fun alive in this one, as did Jack. Say what you will about Keria Knightley's cheekbones, I thought she acted circles around wet-blanket-but-beautiful Orlando Bloom.

What was the deal with Davy Jones, boatman to the underworld? Why was he given the job in the first place? I thought the open-heart-surgery was only after his woman done him wrong?
Why did they never explain the prior connection between Jack and Lord Beckett? Ah, such questions are futile.

Nothing against Daniel, but I couldn't get through the review. I saw something shiny and stopped caring.

On another note, it's a good thing I have no desire to see the movie, given how peppered with spoilers the comments are already (to everyone's credit, spoiler warnings abound). I hope no one reads the comments before they see the movie. Wasn't Friday the first night of wide release?

Oh gods, I didn't even stay for the

*SPOILER*

scene after the credits, but that sounds HORRIBLE. WTF? I actually really enjoyed this movie (I'm a sucker for self-deprecating, maddening multiple-plot-twist-filled movies, I guess), but I think that reading about that scene totally just ruined it for me. How can you drop a million and one plot holes like that in the last minutes of a movie? It's like Gore Verbinski was saving the best plot holes for last--Elizabeth Swann mysteriously doesn't age; hanged kid with braces is somehow her adoptive zombie son; Will Turner is totally happy that he only gets to see his apparently immortal wife and anachronistic zombie son once every ten years--yes, it all makes sense now!

Well, thanks to all that, it seems likely that I'll be unable to stomach whatever crappy fourth movie Gore V. has in store for us.

I thought it would never end.
Why do Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly still act?
I love Billy Nighy.

I think the best way for me to look at the Pirate's franchise, particularly the last two movies, is by comparing it to a cheating boyfriend. We started off great, he was fun, had a good sense of humour, and was a little bit of a bad boy. But then he went and cheated on me with Katie Perkins, and I was pissed for awhile, but I eventually took him back because I remembered all the good times we had together. And then just when our relationship was getting back on foot and I had finally given him my heart again, he slept with that damn whore of a waitress at Dave and Busters. And I'm really pissed at him for that. But you know what? I know that when push comes to shove I'm going to take him back in a few months when he comes crawling back with special features and behind the scene looks. I know it's not healthy, I know I should just cut him free, but God help me if I just can't forget that fun summer romp we had a few years ago.

Augh, I'm so bummed about this film now. I was happily prepared to check my brain at the door and enjoy a frolicky romp, especially one that involved Chow Yun-Fat, Geoffrey Rush, Bill Nighy and Johnny Depp. I mean, that ship's full of sexy and talented men. And Pirates. And corsets. And spells and shit. Granted, Bill's all gross and evil and shit, but still.

But it doesn't sound frolicky and rompish. It just sounds, well, laboursome. And long. And...I think I'm going to not waste my time or dosh and just watch Princess Bride, possibly followed by Labyrinth, with some lime tostidos and a few too many drinks and then phone some friends in a time zone where they'd be sleeping just to say "You killed my father. Prepare to die" and call it a day.

Also, I very rarely take a dislike to the screen presence a particular actor but go away Kiera Knightly. Just go away.

For my part I enjoyed both of the first two *Pirates* movies. The first was a beautifully executed example of its genre (the comedy), and the second was tightly written piece of Romantic, even gothic fiction, and so stuffed full of excellent actors who all rotated around each other without ever colliding, that I loved it even more than the first.

This one was like the acid-dream of the worst possible ending for the story.

***SPOILERS AHEAD***

Attack of the 80-Foot Woman?

The crabs? The PEANUT?

Valuable characters with previously established dynamism, such as Bootstrap, Norrington, and Governer Swann, are never further developed, but instead hastily dispatched.

The nature of Davy Jones' commission and, more importantly, the disappointments and betrayals between him and Calypso, are not explained, but--ironically--their one scene together is so full of clunky, half-assed exposition that any sense of feeling between them is lost.

The thing with Davy Jones' locker and the multiple Jacks just was. not. interesting. Ever.

Why was Sao Feng even in the movie? He provides Our Heroes with a ship and a crew (which they could have gotten in another and more entertaining way), and then basically does nothing but stand in a brownish and ill-kempt pirate crowd until he gets killed. He could have been written out entirely with no real loss, and it's a waste of a skilled actor.

Richards as Teague was poorly costumed--he looked like a drunken, mascara-d Captain Hook.

Davy Jones, whose dilemma is easily one of the most intriguing in the story, is wasted: he gets a few unmemorable one-liners, has a swordfight that goes on far too long and doesn't look nearly real enough, and is killed off unceremoniously as though he was no more than a walk-on part in the previous movie and not the thematic center of it.

And what about that ending, eh? If things hold by the rules Ted and Terry have established, then Will spends eternity ferrying dead souls to the next world. In ten years, Elizabeth will be about 8 years older than he is. In 40 (so, after four days with her), she'll be dead. He'll get a last few hours with her, and then they'll be separated for eternity. But don't worry, they've reproduced, so that makes it all okay!

And honestly, did Jack even need to be IN this movie? Did he serve any purpose whatsoever? Is there any convincing evidence in the first or second movie that immortality is something he would view with anything but a sense of the willies? Is there a reason he hates Will so much in this movie when it was Elizabeth who betrayed him in the previous one?

The whole of the third movie is nothing but a metaphorical expansion of the scene in which the pirates gleefully stomp on the corpse of the beautiful dead kraken, who only ever did as her keeper and her nature directed. It's awful, and as an avowed fan of the first two I feel a deep sense of disappointment about this one.

Personally, I enjoyed the film immensely and found the plot fairly easy to follow. I'll have to say that I think it even surpasses the first one in terms of general excitement and, of course, the breathtaking special effects. How they managed to pull off that ridiculously implausible final battle without it looking stupid is beyond me, but I applaud Industrial Light & Magic.

*possible spoilers below*

To answer a few questions that have been asked--

Lizzie, here is the Davy Jones/Calypso/Flying Dutchman situation as I understand it:

-Davy Jones was just a regular pirate when he fell in love with Calypso, who I assume can change shapes to suit her various moods (as implied when she bemoaned having to stay in human form against her will for so long).
-He asked her to make him immortal so that they could live together forever.
-She agreed, but on one condition--he must captain the Flying Dutchman for ten years and ferry the souls of those who die at sea to the next life. Once his ten years are up, he can return to land, where Calypso said she would be waiting for him.
-He agreed to this and did his duty, but when he came back after ten years of service on the Dutchman, Calypso wasn't there. Since she is the goddess of the sea, she is as unpredictable and mercurial as the sea; therefore, she is untameable and cannot truly commit to him, despite the fact that she loves him.
-Furious at this betrayal, Davy Jones cut out his heart, thereby binding himself to the Dutchman as its captain for all eternity (I'm a little iffy on how he survived this, but I'm guessing it has something to do with the enchantments behind the Dutchman itself).
-Instead of ferrying souls to the afterlife like he was supposed to, he abandoned his task and gleefully sailed the seas wreaking havoc and preying upon dying soldiers who SHOULD have been taken to the afterlife. Instead, he recruited them to serve him on the Dutchman. He killed anyone who refused to serve and did not take their bodies to the afterlife the proper way. I'm kind of assuming here that anyone who is killed and is not transported properly to the afterlife is condemned to Davy Jones' Locker for eternity in a kind of limbo.
-Also because he was so furious at her betrayal, Davy Jones told the pirate brethren how to trap Calypso in human form. Eager to control the seas and greedy for the increased profits that would allow them, they agreed and bound Calypso into the human form that we come to know as Tia Dalma.
-So you have Davy Jones ruling the seas in a vengeful fury and Calypso living out her life as a bitter witch queen in the Caribbean, biding her time, I suppose, until she can be released.

To anyone who is confused about Sao Feng thinking Elizabeth was Calypso:

Someone already mentioned that possibly Barbossa tricked Sao Feng into thinking that Elizabeth was Calypso because he wanted her in a position to usurp his captaincy and take his place at the brethren court. This is entirely plausible, especially if Barbossa knew that Sao Feng would not want to free Calypso, which is what Barbossa chiefly wanted to do. (Maybe Barbossa had promised to help free Calypso after she brought him back from the dead?)

I also think that Barbossa figured it was kind of the most practical thing to do--by letting Sao Feng have Elizabeth, Barbossa and the Black Pearl could go free, and seeing as how it always works out this way in these movies, he probably figured they'd catch up with her sooner or later.

Also, about the scene after the credits:

-No, Elizabeth hasn't aged that much. She was very young when the first film began, and I can't imagine that more than two or two and a half years passed between the beginning of the first film and the end of the third film. They could have done a bit more to make her aging a little more realistic, but honestly, she was probably in her late twenties, and she had been living on Shipwreck Island (or Cove or...the name escapes me) for ten years--I doubt she'd have aged to the point of it being really noticeable in the two seconds she was on the screen.
-I interpreted the flash of green light to mean that--unlike Davy Jones and Calypso--since Elizabeth was there ten years later when Will came to shore, just like she had promised, that the curse was broken and he was no longer bound to the Dutchman. I imagine that his father would probably have taken over the captaincy, feeling that he owed it to Will after everything that had happened. However, I'm guessing Will would still be immortal, even after being released from service on the Dutchman, so perhaps a possible sequel would involve Elizabeth and Will following Barbossa and Jack to the Fountain of Youth to make Elizabeth immortal as well? Who knows what they'll come up with if they make a fourth film...?

I'm glad--and somewhat surprised--to see that there are at least some people on here who enjoyed the movie. It was definitely levels above Shrek the Third and much less infuriating than Spider-Man 3. Honestly, if you have half a brain, pay attention, and have some fun with all the pirate nonsense, you'll probably really enjoy the film.

Sorry for the length.

My head nearly exploded when I watched this film. I was lost halfway through.

*SPOILER ALERT*

Why the hell does Lord Beckett just let his ship get detroyed by the pirates? And then say something about it just being good business? That ship had like, a gazillion cannons and could have destroyed the other two. wtf?

Beside that, WTF was up with Calypso?? I don't know why no one else is complaining about the 50-foot woman having a bitch fit on the deck of the Black Pearl and then exploding into a bunch of crabs.

If you ask me, Calypso and all the Singapore stuff should have been taken out. The meeting of the pirates shouldn't have been there. It could have been a very simple story, something like this:

They all go to save Jack (they all meaning, Will and Barbossa and Elizabeth).
They get the Black Pearl.
Will does some double dealing to steal the Black Pearl.
He goes to Davy Jones to bargain.
Davy Jones has issues about Calypso.
Lord Beckett is an asshole.
Admiral Norrington changes sides because he loves elizabeth, steals the heart and gives it to Davy Jones.
Everyone forgets their problems for a minute while they fight with lord Beckett.
Lord Beckett dies as does his asshole cronie.
Davy Jones puts a knife through his own heart for Calypso. because of his sacrifice, some magic happens where they can be together.
Elizabeth and Will get married.
Jack and Barbossa fight over who will get the Pearl.
End.

Is it just me, or did Naomie Harris' character set anyone off? She's a wonderful actress, especially in 28 days later... however it seemed that in this movie and for the last end of the 2nd sequel she was reduced to crazy, nature prone, bond, voodoo, poorly speaking, black lady. And don't even get me started on the Asian bits : / As a mixed person, I couldn't help but focus on the parts of the film that made me squirm. Why couldn't Naomie Harris' role be more thought out?

I thought it would never end.
Why do Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly still act?
I love Billy Nighy.

You know, this comment pretty much stands alone as a review of the movie. It's nearly haiku--very refreshing in the midst of all these long-winded posts (yes, including mine above).

Not that I'm knocking anyone else. In fact, y'all are giving me a very good collective rundown of this movie--and I don't care about spoilers, as this isn't a plot-twist type movie.

I noticed people saying if they make a fourth film, but we actually know someone who worked on the third film (he's a stunt guy) and he's been told there will be a fourth.

this movie is amazing! I can't say anything more :)

I have to say, I enjoyed the movie, the key is to quit trying to understand the incomprehensible plot, and just look at the amazing effecting and battle scenes. It's fun when you have no expectations.

Went to see it, enjoyed it, mostly.

Two points:

1. there was no payoff on the massed fleets buildup, it could have been epic.

2. the way they wrote themselves out of the problem presented by the fact that Lord Becket's ship was a massive ship of the line that would have pounded both the Pearl and the Dutchman into a very mushy pulp in just one pass. The Captain froze!!! nigga please. LAME LAME LAME

Warning: PoTC is long. It's also bad. Long and bad. Speaking of long, I like the Ayn Rand length comments about what a long movie this is. I'm going to take advantage of this forum to post my novel over the next few weeks.

P.S.
It's going to be a musical adaptation of "Children of a lesser God". I hope you guys can read sheet music.

B-rant: set it against the background of the 1983 invasion of the island of Grenada by the United States.

You should work in a song about Pajiba.

...Do you have a rhyming dictionary?

Okay Danny Boy, you and your cohorts there keep a head's up: once again an article where the entertaining commentators end up far more outweighing, and even more satisfying than, the actual reviewer's less-than-altogether compelling review, which really woulda pissed me off after reading it all the way through and not finding the comments section more than making up for the 'meh' review (these new terms you kids have, they're just the coolest!), but then it's what I've come to expect from everyone who clicks onto this site.

I've been depending on this Pajiba crowd for insightful commentary well over a year now, and it has consistently amazed and delighted me how literate & just plain damn funny these fellow readers are, and how much you all enhance this site; it's nifty that people aren't flaming each other based solely on one's opinion, and here's another one: if you remember and/or like the movie/franchise/whatever, then the very best to you, friend, I don't remember being elected to deciding whether your opinion mattered or not; and if you DON'T, and also don't know your own mind to hazard a guess, maybe it's best to maybe, er, stay away from it - just identifying yourself as part of the problem will cleanse you, my babies.

I Love the spoilers, purely and simply - if the film has only its plot device as a selling point, then I could care less about the ending of said film and look nowhere less forward to the ride getting there, if I were that kind of fan who just had to see it RIGHT NOW. God bless all of you for keeping the industry alive and thriving, no matter what you choose to spend money seeing on a big screen.

I'm purely a Netflix guy, gave up on the theater experience years ago, so I acknowledge that I may have missed what is probably the 'real' entertainment of this flick - the sharing of it with a good (note, GOOD) audience, which can really in itself be a soundtrack as to how you remember the film - and I'll most likely continue to miss the immediate, big-screen adventures to come, depending on what kind of girlfriend I'm lucky enough to be dating at my age...
yep, my loss.

But to be so (otherwise) entertained by a site that - okay, once in a rare while, peeps - may or may not have a downer of a review, an "off-week" in the continuous battle to blow our collective minds with their truly "scathing and bitchy reviews"- I follow up reading all the great comments above, enough to fill my Saturday afternoon, and think, "Welll, that's a bit of all right now, innit??"
(Go ahead, say that quote out loud in that Geico/gecco Aussie voice, it's really fun if you practice it!)

Happy Memorial Day, and I had an entire additional paragraph typed that turned out verry ripe for plucking away from this already-too-long commentary, so consider yourselves lucky that I can only edit myself this much, at this point, and I trust you guys to forgive my rambling on a Saturday afternoon.

Daniel, you know you still my dawg, right??

"It's so much more, yet it all doesn't really matter."

After re-reading your review, I believe I owe you an apology, Daniel. You did the best you could with the material you had, so I feel a lot less like "let's-shoot-the-messenger" guy and am glad to take back anything negative I attributed to your review, including my snideness.

Nevatheless: You still my dawg, right??

haha...you guys are hilarious :)
and as for pirates...i liked the first one but watched like one third of the second and didn't even bother to finish it because it was just THAT messed up.

haha...you guys are hilarious :)
and as for pirates...i liked the first one but watched like one third of the second and didn't even bother to finish it because it was just THAT messed up.

haha...you guys are hilarious :)
and as for pirates...i liked the first one but watched like one third of the second and didn't even bother to finish it because it was just THAT messed up.

I thought Will/Elizabeth's son looked like the hanged child at the beginning of the movie...interesting. Does that mean the first scene is actually something that happens in the future? It doesn't even seem tied to the rest of the movie.

Here's how I interpret the scene where Lord Beckett doesn't fire back and goes down with his ship:

He sees the Black Pearl and prepares his ship to fire at them and says, "It's not personal. It's just good business." However, he expected Davy Jones and the Flying Dutchman ship to be on his side, but he didn't know that Davy Jones was killed (and probably floating down to his own locker). So when he sees the Flying Dutchman, he doesn't realize that Will is the new captain and has therefore turned against Beckett. It takes him by surprise when the Flying Dutchman attacks Beckett's ship, and I interpret his line "It's just good business" as him acknowledging that Will and Co. had finally one-upped him and there was nothing he could do about it.

I was actually really upset that Will and Elizabeth's relationship ended so vaguely. Does this mean they only have one day for every ten years, or because she waited for him after ten years, the curse is finally broken?

I have a headache.

Aryl:

Thanks for the well-thought-out explanation. call me pirate-impaired, but I needed it. I also liked the movie.

I tend to agree: Elizabeth still being there with their hideous zombie child after ten years frees Will from the spell of the Dutchman.

In any event- sure it was weird. Sure the giant-morphing witch queen and the billion rock/crabs and the multiple Jack hallucinations were fucking absurd: but whatever, this is entertainment. pass the popcorn.

I was about to give you a verbal drubbing for not liking this bit o' popcorny fun, Dustin, but then I noticed you said you were entertained but not particularly enamored of the original.

At which point I just took pity on you instead. If you didn't think the first was the best movie of its general type since Raiders of the Lost Ark...you're not gonna like either of the sequels.

I thoroughly enjoyed the 1st and yes even the 2nd Pirates.

However I must say I was somewhat disappointed by this one by some moronic, stupid and utterly illogical plot developments. I don't what the writers were thinking:

Elizabeth's father - the Governor gets killed offscreen.

Admiral Norrington is killed inexpicably, pointlessly and fairly early on despite his sizable role in the 2nd film; AND

Will Turner is made master of the Flying Dutchman and therefore Immortal and unable to spend the rest of his life with the suposed love of his life Elizabeth Swan(who will grow old while he doesn't)when his father Bootstrap Bill Turner was the blindingly obvious choice.

What the hell were the writers thinking????????

"-I followed the plot pretty easily and i was watching this all at 2am. This is supposed to be the more intelligent snarky review, are you all telling me you couldnt follow it?"

Well, Bully for you, Ken.

If one exerted one's fullest mental capacities, it would have been possible to follow the plot points in this movie; however, there was little payoff for doing so, since few of them got resolved, the asserted motivations followed little actual logic, and on top of all that, to follow this film would have required sustained engagement, which Verbinski simply didn't achieve.

The point I'm trying to make, Ken, is that, as pleased as you might be with your little self for being able so adeptly to follow the movie, a triumph which I'm sure will live in your memory for long years to come, the reason the rest of us might not have is because we simply didn't care enough to try.

Just saw it. I thought it was overall fun, in a "check your brain at the door" kind of way.

**SPOILERS**

Here's my question to anyone who may have been paying better attention: Is that hanging scene in the beginning set in time? Are we SURE it is set BEFORE the action in the movie?

Those folks are being hanged for aiding and abetting pirates. And I think we all agree that the kid being hanged is the same kid we see in the post-credit scene, right?

I came away from the movie thinking that they were essentially telling us that Will and Elizabeth's son gets hanged -- and furthermore (age-wise) shortly in time after the post-credit scene.

Which is a little disturbing, no?

Oh and another thing, (if someone mentioned it already forgive me) there definitely was some sort of backstory between Sparrow and Becket, that little chat they had in the captain's ready room, come on!

left that one hangin' too

@the_Wakeful

Had you paid attention to the movie, you would have had all those questions answered:

*spoiler*

1) Fat's character thought Elizabeth was Calypso because Babosa intimated he knew where she was and since he had 2 women travelling with him, Fat considered Knightley's character Calypso because he found her attractive (as he intimated in the opening scenes). That was also a hint to the audience that knew who Elizabeth's father was that the voodoo chick was Calypso.

2) Bootstrap Bill was "losing his memory" as time passed and he became more a part of the shit and Davey Jones' world. As he explained to Will Turner in movie #2.

3) The "wigged guy" was collecting the silver pieces because he thought those were the pieces that were powerful. As explained in the movie, the Pirates Lords were poor when they imprisoned Calypso so they used junk instead of actual silver. The silver coins were just used to identify the Pirate Lords but the real power was the trinkets they held.

Sometimes, movies like this are fun because they reward those that pay attention. My wife thought that the crabs that helped free the Black Pearl from the locker had a direct connection to Calypso, who disentigrated into crabs when freed. I thought that was a great point.

Like many others, I was thoroughly charmed by the debut of Captain Jack Sparrow and the breezy fun of POTC I. It was a hard act to follow, but I thought POTC II was an acceptable sequel. I enjoyed the Swann/Sparrow/Turner love triangle and Capt. Davy Jones and crew were stunning visual effects.

*SPOILER ALERT*

But this third installment is a mess. The first 2/3 was so boring, the audience in the theatre didn't even shut up until the final battle sequence started. This movie was darker than the preceding ones and not in a good way. That opening scene with the mass hangings was chilling.
Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but as each civil right was read out, followed by "SUSPENDED!" and the hangman pulling the lever, it appeared to me to be be some kind of bizarre sociopolitical commentary, something along the lines of V for Vendetta. Not what I was expecting. But this soon proved to be just one more dropped thread in this tangled mess of a movie. Maybe, as one commentator suggested, this opening scene actually takes place in the future. I wouldn't rule this out, but if so, it's a bit of a cheat because wasn't the pirate population taking up the "Yo Ho" song supposed to be the secret signal for the Nine Pirate Lords to meet? Kinda crucial to this story, non?

Other complaints:

* Throwaway endings for Governor Swann and the handsome Admiral Norrington

* Underuse of Chow Yun-Fat, absolutely criminal!

* Wasted potential of the Calypso/Davy Jones storyline

* Lord Beckett freezing at the crucial moment, out of character, not believable

* In the first two movies, it's made clear Capt.Jack Sparrow can't be faithful to any one woman but his devotion to the Black Pearl is unquestioned. In this movie, he doesn't even seem to care about her at all. He's too busy scheming how to become immortal as captain of the Flying Dutchman. Pirate or not, I cannot forgive him for this disloyalty.

I knew about the teaser scene at the end of the credits, but there was no way we were sticking around for it. I feel owed a refund for this one, so I'm not getting suckered into seeing POTC 4.

If the ending of the second movie had been any different from Geoffrey Rush's amazing entrance, I wouldn't have bothered with this one. The only things I really enjoyed in the third movie was Captain Barbosa, Davy Jones, and Norrington's brief screen time. Okay, and Bootstrap Bill, even though it was kind of like, "UM. WHAT!"

Oh, yes, and the running joke in the theater for the ending credits' scene was variations of "Run along now, kid. Mommy and Daddy have to have sex."

Every time I see Pirates 2, and now Pirates 3, I get a wicked sense of glee from telling myself that the only reason Cutler (Tom Hollander) is so hell bent on getting even with (or simply getting) Keira Knightly's Elizabeth, is because her OTHER Elizabeth in Pride and Prejudice so cruelly scorned his Mr. Collins' marriage proposals.

@ Paris

**SPOILERS**
The opening scene definitely happens before the action, considering Beckett is there, and he dies in the final battle.

Also, the young boy who gets hung is not the same as the boy with Elizabeth at the end. The former is played by one Brendyn Bell, the latter by Dominick Scott Kay. So it's safe to say they are very certainly different people.

The song is meant to call out to the Pirate Lords, and force them to act.

and @BarbadoSlim

The story between Jack and Beckett was set up in POTC2, we know that Beckett was the one who marked Jack with his "P" brand for being a Pirate.

I am looking at the comments you all wrote, and i have to say that MANY of you did NOT pay attention when you wathed the movie. I can't understand how the plot can be hard to follow. the only way i see it is that you didn't care to really watch it...

so was this worse than LOST`s, SEASON FINALE.?

Me and a friend of mine are amusing ourselves by taking every opportunity to refer to the movie as PirAHtees (to rhyme with Pilates), and seeing how many people around us start doing the same. Try it, it's fun!

We're going to see Pirahtees later this week. I get the sinking feeling our little game is going to be more entertaining than the film itself.

"I am looking at the comments you all wrote, and i have to say that MANY of you did NOT pay attention when you wathed the movie. I can't understand how the plot can be hard to follow. the only way i see it is that you didn't care to really watch it..."

Primula is saying essentially what I said Jen. I sat there for three hours at pretty ungodly hour and still could follow along pretty well.

But then again I enjoyed the other two, so bully for me.

So, wait, how did Captain Barbossa get brought back from the dead?

Is it worth it to see this movie for Geoffrey Rush/Johnny Depp/Bill Nighy/Chow Yun-Fat?

Also, commenters, a question, I was planning on going to a movie marathon next week (very simple premise, you go there and watch three movies in a row and stumble out at some ungodly hour)- should I see the Spiderman or POTC trilogy?

And if I need to have a toilet break during the POTC 3 movie (and it sounds like I might need it, people talking about numb arses, etc [even though I have a strong bladder]) what would be the best time to go?

I think it's worth it for Depp and Rush. At least one of them is on the screen most of the time, and those two really do make the whole movie. I really liked it though. Overlong and overly complicated, sure. But still entertaining as hell.

As for Pirates v. Spiderman, I have no recommendation.

Aryl, thanks for that explanation. I felt vindicated when I read that Daniel and others had some trouble following this.

I was so PISSED at the lack of payoff for the Will-Elizabeth relationship. It was one of my main reasons for enjoying the movies (the other main reason being, of course, Depp's boozy charm. Rawr!). I was really unsettled by it, and I was mad that they gave Will so little time to explain why he wanted to choose this path. I hope Aryl is right. At any rate, it was a great explanation.
Despite all of these flaws (and there are many) You can bet there will be a 4th PiRAtes...and you can bet I'll be lining up to see it.

Daniel, thanks for this review.

To settle the debate on whether Will's curs is broken or not:

**SPOLIER**

Filming finished on January 10, 2007 in Molokai, and the first assembly cut was three hours. Twenty minutes were removed, not including end credits, though producer Jerry Bruckheimer maintained that the long running time was needed to make the final battle work in terms of build-up. - One scene cut explained that if Calypso had greeted Davy Jones after his ten years of ferrying dead souls, then he would have been freed of his duty: in turn, Will is freed of his captaincy as Elizabeth remains faithful to him ten years later. - Hans Zimmer composed the score as he did for the previous films, composing eight new motifs including a new love theme for the At World's End soundtrack.

I couldn't agree more with Daniel.

Check out my review here:
http://andydreamseeker.blogspot.com/2007/05/movie-review-pirates-of-caribbean-at.html

Even though I haven't seen this movie yet, the spoilers haven't ruined it for me. Actually, I'm even MORE confused. I have to see these zombie childrens....

SIDENOTE!I will agree with Orlando bloom only having one expression. I actually laughed out loud at the 2nd movie when he saw his beloved fiancee making out with Deppula.

Anyways, I'll be seeing this movie this week sometime...and I'll be the first one in the theater (again) standing up and screaming "WTF?!" at the end.

I just hope there are no kids in the theater this time...

Well, I did more or less say--oh wait, I *did* say that we DID not GET it because we DID not CARE enough to pay attention (though I thank Primula for seconding my comment, albeit with a slightly different valence). When a film has that problem with a significant portion of its audience (particularly the audience of Pajibans), then I would say it was a problem with direction, rather than the audience. Numerous films are difficult to follow, because the plot demands it, and the payoff for keeping up is worth it. In this case, it seemed muddled only because of directorial carelessness, and the plot complications served no discernible cinematic purpose.

In other words, yes, any of us could have followed along if we cared, but why waste the energy on a film that is supposed to be escapist? And if one did follow along, in what ways were the muddled points necessary for the momentum of the film or its ultimate message and/or course of events? If you can answer that, Ken or Primula, then I will happily say "touche" but so far you haven't answered my criticism.

And if my tone was snarky, it's only because your post seemed awfully self-congratulatory, which I found out of place given the reason for our "failure" to follow along.

The second movie I thought suffered from the same flaws. I actually thought, at one point, while watching it, that it actually was the third installment, and that there had been a second I'd missed, because so little of it seemed to follow from the first. There's no coherent narrative universe connecting this trilogy, even though the narrative follows all three straight through with the same characters. I think that's one of its problems.

Just my opinion, which is rarely, if ever, humble.

I didn't find the story to be confusing, I just though it was silly. I would have accepted a silly story if the movie was interesting but it was really boring. I have never been so bored in a movie theater watching an action film. It was a horrible feeling that I never want to experience again.

Thanks, Daniel, you summed up perfectly what's been on my mind since leaving the movie theatre yesterday. Such a weird experience...

You know, I thought Shrek 3 was a travesty. Spiderman 3 was flawed. X-men: The Last Stand was down right incongruous to its counterparts. And the second Pirate movie? Was more than a little disconcerting in its conclusion.

But here? You lost me. Big time. I enjoyed this one. A lot. I didn't have trouble following the plot twists or the characters, and the references to the ride shockingly didn't ruin anything for me. It had flaws, but none so (forgive me) egregious that the film was rendered unwatchable. I found the film consistently funny and engaging by turns, and to be completely honest? This review makes me wonder if somehow out dear Pajiba hasn't lost its ability to actually enjoy films somewhere in its incessant need to be constantly superior to all that is mainstream.

Summary: I don't know what kind of crack you lot are on, but it's not the fun kind.

Well...I'm with all those who couldn't be bothered to keep up with the plot twists. That was one long, boring movie. I can't believe I wasted my cash to see it in the theater. Ah well, I should know better with number 3 in any series!

Chantelle--

The best time for a bathroom break is whenever Depp is alone on-screen (esp. in Davy Jones' locker, although that is just an hour in)... the bits with his multiple personality don't tend to advance the plot.

The calypso thing fell flat first when lizzy didn't turn out to be her, and then when the giant just vanished into the sea. WAY TO GO PIRATES, FOR WORKING SO HARD TO SET HER FREE. WHAT A WONDERFUL PAYOFF IT YIELDED.

So,
Swan totally had a thing for sparrow in the last movie. And then in this movie she pretty much hated turner the entire time, and vice versa. So naturally this means LETS GET MARRIED.

I could have seriously forgiven this movie all its faults if it killed will turner for real. But no.

I thought this movie was pretty entertaining, although a bit long and slightly confusing. However...

**SPOILER**

...if this is true about Will being freed of the curse when his ten years is up, it makes me like the movie a whole lot more. I was very upset about the fact that Will was killed off. Not because I'm an Orlando fangirl but because they spent three movies setting up a love story and then destroyed it right at the end. So, yeah... I hope it's true and he can come back after ten years. Also, someone explain to me how you can procreate when you're dead.

hum for once i agree with the review of this movie, i was very disapointed with at worlds end though i liked it better then spiderman 3.

I fully agree with everything Arnie said re: complaints about
"* Throwaway endings for Governor Swann and the handsome Admiral Norrington
* Underuse of Chow Yun-Fat, absolutely criminal!
* Wasted potential of the Calypso/Davy Jones storyline
* Lord Beckett freezing at the crucial moment, out of character, not believable"

Also, its not the same kid. The opening scene is everyone singing to signal the 9 pirate lords. Plus, Beckett is IN the first scene, but he dies on the Endeavor during the last battle. I know there were some plotholes and loose threads but that would be an anachronism that couldn't be overlooked.

I still enjoyed this more than the second, but I wont be nominating it for any Oscars. My favorite part was the family with two young children sitting next to me, who watched the multiple stabbings, the unnecessarily macabre opening hanging scene, and all the battle violence, but whose parents covered their eyes during the last scene when Will kisses Elizabeth's bare leg. Gotta love it.

Aryl, thanks! I stupidly never saw the whole 1st movie all the way through and saw the 2nd and 3rd.Your explanation made a LOT of sense. And I really enjoyed the movie. This one made me laugh whereas I was bored during the 2nd one. I would see the 4th one if they release which seems likely since Depp loves playing Sparrow so much. **spoiler

I thought it was satisfying and knowing that Will is freed when he goes to Elizabeth makes so much sense. I saw the whole Elizabeth/Calypso thing as was mentioned. That Chow Yun Fat made his own determination as to who Calypso was at Barbosa's hints. That didn't confuse me at all. It confused Elizabeth a little though.

The use of Chow Yun-Fat in this movie was the cinematic equivalent of an fully-qualified civil engineer moving here from India and getting a job driving taxi.

*sigh*

But I want ALL the pirate flags to decorate my house. The whole collection.

I have to agree with you. I asked my fired who saw it if it was as good as the first, she said yes. I went to the movie and found myself compleatly confused by the unraveling plotlines and double crosses withing 3o minutes. And then when I just stopped trying to figure everything out, Keith Richards came and played the guitar. I nearly died. The Will becomes the new captain of the flying dutchman, meaning hea dn Elizabeth will only see eachother for a day every 10 years. Them getting together was the only reason I came to the movie, and then the writers had to make me depressed. Horrible movie.

I agree with the political commentary in the movie.

** Spoiler **

I totally expected Becket to say, when asked what his orders were near the end of the film just before his ship was destroyed, "Stay the course!"

I honestly don't see what all the confusion is about. The plot was pretty clear to me.

**SPOILERS**

If you were watching the movie, Davy Jones said he would have been free of his fate had Calypso/Tidorma remained faithful to him for 10 years. Remember the jail scene with those two? When he asked her why didn't she wait for him, she shrugged and smiled, "That's my way." I think even Beckett and maybe even Sparrow alluded to this fact.

Sao Feng thought Liz was Calypso because Barbosa gestured to Liz when he mentioned they had Calypso captured. The camera even cut to a shot of Liz, then Tiadorma.

Liz wasn't in love with Sparrow in the second movie: she was attracted to the pirate lifestyle. Jack teased her about it several times, and while it's easy to misconstrue that as a mutual attraction, it wasn't. He ever cringed a little when she kissed him in movie 2. Notice he didn't call her "my love," he called her "pirate".

Lord Beckett freezing was perfect for the character. He was a bureaucratic fop: all talk and no action. Yeah, he talked big when he had his hired thug and Davy Jones bending to his will, or while he had the upper hand, but when it came time to fight, he turned tail and ran. Wimp.

I thoroughly enjoyed the movie from beginning to end. It was a fun, exhilarating ride. I will admit that the releasing of Calypso could have been done better. They spent so much money on FX and CGI, why not get a little more creative with that sequence? And why not include a scene where Davy Jones and Calypso are reunited? I guess were were to assume that because the seas quelled after his death, Calypso was satisfied, but it should have been a little more overt.

Also, I wish that other guy who was in love with Liz whose name escapes me at the moment had taken up Davy Jones on his offer. That way in the end, he would have sailed with Will.

All in all, a fun flick. Don't let these intellectual snobs fool you!

*Sigh* I just don't have the energy to read all the comments right now...

At any rate, I totally enjoyed it. I did not like PoTC 2 but this one kept my interest, even as it approached nigh 2.5 hours and passed that point. My husband complained about subplots, too much going on, etc. BUT - with a movie like this, I just want to sit back and be entertained without having to think about it. And PoTC 3 delivered.

On a side note, did anyone else notice that the boy at the beginning of the movie, singing the creepy "Yo ho" song before he was hanged, was wearing BRACES? You'd think with all the details to which Gore paid such close attention, he would have noticed this grossly anachronistic mistake. Then again, my mother thought he just had rotting teeth, but I swear I saw the glint of corrective wires.

"Lord Beckett freezing was perfect for the character. He was a bureaucratic fop: all talk and no action. Yeah, he talked big when he had his hired thug and Davy Jones bending to his will, or while he had the upper hand, but when it came time to fight, he turned tail and ran. Wimp."

NO NO NO sorry but I disagree, respectfully, this guy was supposed to be a bad ass. He had a bad-ass ship NO. WAY.

I found Pirates 3 easier to understand than Pirates 2. In that one, the East India Company seemed to just randomly come in, and I couldn't remember who any of them were for the third. Commander Norrington shouldn't have even been in there. His only point was to kiss Elizabeth and die. I agree that Sao Fein was terribly underused.

But the movie is entertaining the first time through. I had to watch it a second time with a different set of friends, and that time, I tried to keep awake by attempting to understand the movie with my eyes closed. The music remained enjoyable though, especially that new score. But the second time through, I noticed how unbearably long it was. I ended up falling asleep.
I've also noticed that it seems the Black Pearl's abilities have been steadily decreased since the first film. It's sails don't seem so black anymore either.

My eight year old son explained most of these plot points to me as the movie progressed (even when I didn't want him to). I think the best way to see the movie is with someone who is unjaded and thinks in details.... as it was, I enjoyed every moment of the film. When you are with a preteen, there is no subplot too subtle (believe me, they watch the smallest details) and no joke too heavy handed (same group which thinks smelly underpants jokes are the height of literature). Maybe not a call to cinematic perfection, but a good time nontheless.
I am disturbed by the people more confused than my son (he who has an attention span so short he loses track of what he is doing between me telling him to put on his shoes and him crossing the room to locate his shoes).
I understand losing the magic and joy and needing things to be more or better or bigger or..... but don't blame the film.

*SPOILERS*

Another suggestion for this severely flawed franchise: we need another "Pam's Dream" situation from "Dallas". The entire POTC3 needs to have just been Jack Sparrow's dream while he was in Davy Jones' Locker; just start from the end of the second film. START FROM SCRATCH.

Disney needs to insist that Ted and Terry be WRITERS, Bruckheimer be a PRODUCER and Keira just be an ACTRESS. The writers need to stop being leaned on to come up with a story as quickly as possible so that money can be made.

During the special features of the second film, Gore Verbinski came in on Ted and Terry while they were trying to write and he's demanding more pages. They were writing the film while they were filming it. Not a good idea. It took them something like 5 years to get the first one made; Ted and Terry refined and changed around an already written script.

The characters should stay how they were in the first film or at least have a believable journey. Will Turner going from a pirate-hating blacksmith to the captain of the Flying Dutchman??? Elizabeth Swann going from a fairly independent woman who loves Will to the captain of a pirate junk and KING of the pirates????

They just throw away Governor Swann, Commodore Norrington, and Davy Jones like they were extraneous characters.

I probably won't see the inevitable 4th movie in theaters, but i do hope that it at least has a better story than this one and wraps up these myriad plot holes.

I personally thought it was a great Movie
All the twists and turns, No doubt made it hard to follow Buttt I still enjoyed it.The beginning,The hanging scene made me sad. Im 13 and I thought the kid singing was cute ]=

I personally thought it was a great Movie
All the twists and turns, No doubt made it hard to follow Buttt I still enjoyed it.The beginning,The hanging scene made me sad. Im 13 and I thought the kid singing was cute ]=

first of all, the reason sao fang calls elizabeth calypso is because barbosa gives her a passing glance that hes meant to pick up on, so he'll take her instead of the REAL calypso, whom he is hiding on his ship. second, the main baddy in this, his interest in miss swan is either sexual or far worse, he wants to kill her. if you couldnt pick up on these things, you need a serious brain check. this movie was well made if you had the attention span for it, but unfortunately, every young kid with a kung fu action movie craving went to see it and now thinks they're an online authority. my advice is to go see it for yourself, and if you dont laugh at least once while johnny depp is on the screen, i'll eat my foot. i, on the other hand, am going to bring a friend and watch it again. for the third time.

I wish I'd read this review before pissing away 3 hours of my life, it would have given me the opportunity to spend the time more constructively, like committing mass murder for example.

Seriously though, it was awful. An utterly senseless prolonged ego trip on behalf of all involved. How on earth did it get past private screenings for the movie execs producing it?

To be fair though, the film does pose one very serious question - just who is the worse actor between Keira and Orlando?

So apparently there are a million complaints about this movie, but the main one seems to be that people can't follow the storyline. I had no problem whatsoever, and can only assume that anyone who does have a problem is either A) very ADD, or B) slow. The effects, fight scenes, and plotlines kept me glued to the screen. Yes, there are a few unanswered questions (mine being about the whole Elizabeth being Calypso thing, and her apparently unexplored importance as something greater...) but the appeal of the Pirate movies is that there are always unanswered questions which either allow the audience to revel in their mystery or the creators to go ahead with another movie. I will agree that they attempted to throw in too many stories with this movie, but it was still incredibly entertaining, bizarre, and satisfying all at the same time.

did nobody notice the grotesque over use of mystic tan? i was distracted by it throughout the movie. in all fairness, though, i was easily distracted as i had absolutely no idea what was going on. basically, to me, the movie was about depp mugging, keira knightly's insufferable pouting, and mystic tan. oh, and how good boys look in eyeliner.

Yes my friend just told me there is a cut scene floating around on the internet right now, about someone telling elizabeth that IF she remains faithful to Will, then Will can be freed from his curse. Unlike, Calypso and Davy. Bleh.

And the multiple Jacks? Those were his different personalities. =)

Rawrr whats up with the Negativity
..It was a Good movie
ILovveddddItt
[= it made me grin Moree the once

I wasn't being self-congratulatory actually Jen. I was actually just kinda confused by how many Pajibans (or whatever the term) could not follow the movie. It just seemed odd to me.

Possible spoiler:

Also, the entire broken curse thing makes me feel alot better about the ending as well.

No, the Curse will not be broken. Davy Jones and Calypso have been a couple long time ago. Not just ten years. If I remember this correctly, she wasn't there only once, only the last time.
The other 100 or so times, she waited for him. He disregards his duties of taking the souls to the other side only for a short time because of calypso not waiting for him the last time he had his "day off"
Elisabeth waiting for Will will not release the Curse, would it do so there would be no captain for the dutchman and that cannot be.

SPOILER

FYI, that kid at the end is NOT the same kid in the beginning. Hence the title card, TEN YEARS LATER. How could that scene happen BEFORE all the action in the movie anyway?

I understood the movie. It was just awful. It was long, it was boring, it was stupid (not the giggly kind). I seriously considered going to sleep. I feel like Johnny Depp just stole my $9.00. It makes me sad that so many good actors agreed to such a hideous project. They really are pirates.

I watched the movie last night and came back with unanswered questions. No question intrigued me as much as: Why don't Lord Beckett order an attack on Black Pearl / Flying Dutchman in the final battle scene? What is the back ground of Lord Beckett saying "Its just good business"?

Well...as always
When the triology does not equal epic

Take the first movie and divide it by two plus 9 percent.
That gives you how good the second will be
Then take the average of the first and second and add 3 and that will give you how good the the 3rd movie will be.
In short.
The sequal is almost always bad. And the third movie tends to make up for it a little but is never as good as the first.

I did however enjoy how well the plot was thought out.

SUMMARY:

1) Plot is VERY easy to follow. If you TRIED but could not do it, you have problems. Seek help.

2) Toooooooo looooooong *yawn*

3) "Pirate King" = Worst god ex machina, ever. I cannot even wrap my brain around this concept.

4) Doing it for love, honor and greater good (Pirates 2,3) will never be as awesome as doing it for the lulz (Pirates 1).

There would have been no need for a P3 movie if ONE of those knuckleknobs would have opened the flucking chest on the beach in P2, instead of paying a rather bizarre homage to Benny Hill by running around stupidly all over the goddamn place for 40 minutes, like a bunch of chickens who managed to cut their own heads off. GAWD.

Whoever posted the idea that P3 should be treated like a "Pam's Dream" from Dallas, with P4 essentially being a do-over, is an absolute genius. I bow to you.

Loved the movie. I had no problem following the plot twists and suggest if you couldn't you probably should stick to watching commercials on TV since that appears to be your attention span. As for the length of the film, if your sitting at the Alamo Drafthouse in Austin, Texas with a few beers, a pitcher of Sangria or a Five Dollar Shake sitting through a long movie is great and good meal is always a good thing, also it doesn't hurt that no one under 18 are allowed in the theatre except for special events. There is always the old adage "Those who can't do something are usually the critics. One last prop is for Keith Richards, if there ever was someone more suited to being a pirate I haven't seen them.

I personally enjoyed the movie very much. Even with a rather short attention span, I sat through the entire thing. I was quite confused after watching it, as most of you seem to be, but I decided to go a second time, (because Hans Zimmer's score fit in so nicely, and was so beautiful) and I caught up on a lot of dialogue and foreshadowing I had missed.



My advice? Stop seeing films with such large expectations. They're meant to be enjoyable--not rocket science.

My god. What the hell is wrong with you people? You expected a Jerry Bruckheimer production to be an intellgent movie without reducing elements of movie to the lowest value?

Go to your room and think very hard and very long about what you've done!

Ok, I'm a little frustrated with people's confusion over the details in this movie. There were alot of details, I admit, and I usually pick up on things that other people might normally miss, but I took my 12 year old sister and her friend to watch the movie and neither of them had trouble keeping up. This is definetely not a movie that you can go see and understand after not having seen both of the first movies, but the main idea is to accept the movie for what it is...a movie made for the sole purpose of entertainment. There may be things that don't make sense...who cares...it was still a very entertaining movie. I figured I'd try to answer a few of the questions I've seen people ask if I know what was going on so here goes.

-SPOILERS-

-The boy at the beginning is different from the boy at the end. They are 2 different actors. and who really cares if the boy is wearing braces or not.
-Elizabeth is mistakenly assumed to be Calypso because Barbosa doesn't want him to know who the real Calypso is and probably because he doesn't even notice or consider that Tia Dalma could be Calypso because he's attracted to Elizabeth.
-The release of Calypso was meant to be a flop-Barbosa even makes a comment about how that was their last hope and it backfired.
-Jack is worried about getting the Pearl back...he fights with Barbosa over who's captain throughout the movie
-Elizabeth probably looks young in the end credits because of something relating to Jack searching for the fountain of youth at the end of the movie.
-It is possible for Elizabeth to have the little boy because her and Will had sex before he leaves to go captain the Flying Dutchman in order to consummate their marriage.
-and no the little boy isn't a zombie or anything like that
-Some of the people who complained about a lack of development on some aspects of the film are the same to complain about the length of the film...if they had developed other parts more, the movie would have been longer so get over it and accept it.
-finally, you guys really don't have to see the movie if you hated the first two that much, i think some people have too much time on their hands to devote to hating a movie so much. these people got paid and ton of money to do what they did and they are continuing to get paid with the money you are spending to go see and then complain about that movie. think about it

I am 13 years old and i understood this movie perfectly. My 3 other 13 year old friends undrstood this movie perfectly. I thought it was great, even better than the second one. You'd have to not be paying attention to not understand this movie. It explains everything if u listen. I saw Shrek the Third, PotC3, and Spiderman 3 in one weekend and shrek and spiderman were dissappointing but not PotC3.

As for the ending Elizabeth wasn't that old to begin with so that explains not aging much. And the curse was broken because Will's true love, Elizabeth, was waiting for him.

I hope there is a 4th movie. I don't care if that movie is 12 hours long, it will be worth it.

And for all those who say this movie is awful and a waste of your time and confusing, it really isn't. If you payed attention you would have gotten it and thought it was a wonderful movie, which it was. Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom played their parts very well as well as the other actors.

I followed the plots. I liked the complexity, and the fact that some things just didn't go anywhere. Metaphysical things most often do.

I was actually suprised by how much I enjoyed the movie, in spite of all of the people who were 'confused'.

I didn't think that it was hard to understand, just boring and dissapointing. . . Not terrible just too long and not as good as I had hoped.

I also missed the post credits scene, dang :(

Here is the thing. I might have changed interest by time and by watching too many movies, or, this has to be the most boring movie after Highly Strung. the only reason I stayed the whole thing is the big bag of popcorn I bought and I insisted on finishing.
The movie is unneccessarly long, it lacks any connection with viewers (me at least) although it has alot of relations but non was something that will get your feelings going. I wasn't excited about the adventure because simply I had no clue withere they were and where they are going and how everybody ended up there. I wasn't thrilled in any seen. I wasn't move whethere this or that peronsality died or lived. I didn't even feel sick from seens that are supposed to be disgusting. All in all there was no build up for antyhing coming no logical sequince and lack of thrill of any sort. Just totally boring movie.

OK, answer me this... Davy was made captain of the Dutchman by his true love Calypso. She is not waiting for him after a stint of 10 years is up, so he cuts out his heart. When Will stabbed the heart of Davy Jones, why did they cut HIS heart out? It was NOT a requirement of the job. And if Will's curse was broken after 10 years, who would captain the Dutchman? Too much left unanswered. Pissed me off.

I screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOOO JAAAMMMES!!!!!" when Norrington got the shaft.

Seriously, I wished they HADN'T divorced from the original films giest and kept the Royal Navy, adding the EITCo for menace and forgetting about the whole stupid Davy Jones thing.

Although I enjoyed EVERY MINUTE Tom Hollander was on screen - I want to make mad love to this man.

Mmmmk, i don't know who you guys are or anything but don't even think that you can bash johnny depp!!! He's an amazing actor...could any of you do what he does??? DIDN'T THINK SO

Wow, I thought it was absolutely stunning. By far it is the best movie I have ever seen!
I honestly do hope another one is made as the performances and special effects are truly spectaculair!!!

Yes, it can be overwhelming, but then again you must not forget that this is Disney we are speaking of. The ideas which come from Disney are meant to be like this and encourage you to think.

Well, damn. My husband and I saw this last night, and because it was uncomfortably warm in the theater, we didn't sit out the credits, so we missed the post-credit scene that everyone's talking about. Guess that's what I get for reading the Pajiba review, but not the comments, before I see the movie.

We walked around the mall a bit before the movie, and stopped by the Disney store. They had some fairly impressive kid-sized replica costumes of Jack Sparrow and Elizabeth Swann. The "Jack" costume was what you'd expect, and the "Elizabeth" costume was, inexplicably, the ornate (beautiful) teal-and-burgundy getup she wears as "Calypso." Which she wears for, what? Five minutes in the film? If they're going to do a little girl costume, why not the dashing black outfit she wears as King and Captain, which she wears for much longer? I guess that Disney still has a long way to go...after all, the dolls of "Mulan" are dressed as a bride rather than a warrior.

As for the movie, eh, I enjoyed it. Bit long in places, and the ending was bittersweet. Effects eye-poppingly well done. I'm going to have nightmares about Calypso yelling in multiple voices and then falling apart into crabs. I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed the little boy had braces. They couldn't find anyone else who could sing?

I think I'll have to see it again.

SPOILERS!!

Saw it tonight, and loved it. Well, I love the ending anyway. I tried to get into all of it, but f*** me, it was so long! I couldn't go to the bathroom b/c I was afraid I would miss something vital to the plot.

Despite the fact that movies are usually predictable enough for me, I truly did not see what was coming with Will & Elizabeth. I figured "Ok, they killed him off; he'll become resurrected or something in the final credits." Wow, was I mistaken. I won't lie; that part kicked serious ass. And yeah, I loved the post credit scene; it was suprisingly touching (albeit predictable)

Chow Yun Fat was useless in this, though. Completely wasted. He was a means to an end, and the fim would've been no better or worse without him.
WTF was with Jack and the hallucinations? That got old real quick. And Tia Dalma becoming a giant...hmmm. Interesting, but I couldn't help but mutter under my breath "Someone get this bitch a Midol!" LOL.

Beckett went down like a punk, but they didn't need to axe Norrington. :(

As for the 3 leads, I thought they did very well. Johnny Depp is excellent in just about anything, and Orlando Bloom has improved since the last 2. Keira Knightley was pretty inspiring, although she kept doing that weird thing with her lips.

I might see it again, but I'll sleep through the boring parts.

Jesus...Are people out there totally incapable of suspending their disbelief any more? Why do they think that every movie that comes out, especially an obvious popcorn flick like this one, needs plots and subplots as tight as "The Usual Suspects" and "The Godfather". Loosen up people and enjoy the ride that is Pirates... I had a ball.

Wow are there a lot of spoilers for this fantastic movie!!!!! i thought it was great! i saw it 6 times and am not tired of it yet. Some people just don't know art when they see it and they can't respect anything but movies that kill off the main characters or have snakes, and snails and puppy dog tails. i mean c'mon! have an imagination. well anyways, the movie is the best and is well worth the 300 million dollars it cost to make!! see the movie!!!!

I thought this movie is the best movie Ive seen in ages and it is a really good ending to the firt two.I thought the plot was really good and Captain Jack was a lot funnier in this one than in the first two,I think Johnny Depp just gets better and better at playing this character.I hope in a few years they decide to make a pirates 4.

Pirates 3 is one of the best movies ever.But, said people ruin such things by spreading their lies apon lies about this film.If you wanna bad-mouth Johnny's perfect acting,then you really dont have much else to do.These films just keep getting better.I have already seen it 10 times in theatres and Im counting down the days untill the DvD realese date.Johnny happens to be one of the most greatest actors ever!His performance as Captain Jack has left me watning more for 4 years now.And if you have a problem w/ these movies you can bite me and my attorney!

I don't even know where to start this thing sucked so bad on so many levels. No discernable plot, weird plot twists leading to nowhere and an agonizing ride through a mythology that seemed more Hollywood than anything. Not even the acting talents of the likes of Depp and Bloom could save it. For the first time in my life, I nearly walked walked out of this movie 30 minutes into it and only stayed because I was with several friends. Afterwards, we all laughed because we learned that each and every single one of us wanted to walk out. This movie can't disappear into history fast enough.

i don't know what possessed me but i just sat down to read almost all the reviews and i've picked up a few things.

1. Everyone is entiled to their own oppinion... but dont go bashing a film just because you didn't personally like it.
Everyone has their preferences and honestly if you don't like it, so what. Other people did and Disney is still getting your money. You could have waited for it to come out on Cable anyway instead of 'waste your money'...

2. I also noticed that almost all the people who didn't like the movie thought it too long, booring, and plotless/had too many plots.
Movies are not all meant to have a definate plot. I think all the plots in Pirates is one of the things that made it fun to watch. The plots are indeed folowable and most of them had a point. Also not all things in a movie created for entertainment have to have something to do with the plot. The multiple Jacks for example i think were just put there for comic relief... besides the fact that im sure that any person in solitude for that long would become schitzophrenic. ^_^ Oh and with the kinds of plots left to the imagination in Movie 2(which i must say was probably my least favourite among the three)i EXPECTED the movie to be long. At laest it wasn't as long as LOTR3.

3.what was my third point again?? Ah yes... the whole 'i don't get the plots' thing. EVERYTHING is explained in the three movies. And, though subtley, there are clues to the second and third movie plots in the first though it is somewhat detached from the plots in the others. Oh, and if you don't get the plots, watch it a second time! Sometimes things aren't made clear until the second time you view a movie.

4. And yes to many there was a lot of backstabbing to keep up with. Funnily enough alot of them had a point... thuogh i think a couple still elude me. And i mean... they're pirates! what do you expect?!?

I personally loved the movies and the soundtracks are awesome. And even if you didn't see it in theares and you're not gonna buy the DVD at least catch it on TV when it comes out and make you're own decision as to whether it was worth seeing.

NB* (ignore this if you want to. Theres no point to it.)Oh and Port Royal looks nothing li ke how its shown in the movie. I should know. I live a couple miles from it. The little fortress thing kinda looks like it though. Jamaica's government had no sense at the time (and they still don't). If they did they would have copywrited/patented our name and port royal's name and made a fortune from Disney and a bunch of other movies too... Sad isn't it.

Personally I love all three of the movies. The third is my favorite though. I love the plot and the soundtrack is amazing! The whole Elizabeth as Calypso part was 1)he knew Barboasa was traveling with her and he had 2 women with him....just guessed it was Elizabeth and 2) at the end she takes on Calypso's role...waiting for her love to return from 10 years at sea. You people who don't understand the plot should maybe pay a little more attention to it. Also for those of you who don't know...the flash of green light in the post-credits bit was Will's soul returning to his body due to Elizabeth's faithfulness and they are able to spend the rest of their lives together. The only reason Davy Jone's roamed the seas for eternity until killed by will/jack was because when he went to meet Calypso on the day he had at shore she wasn't there and had been unfaithful to him. I just thought it was cute that they ended up together after all. Also, it is reported that there will be a 4th and maybe 5th movie but they won't be released for a few years and they will only be about Jack and his crew....no longer containing a story line about Will and Elizabeth.