Pajiba

A while back, I swore that if the Breakfast Club was being remade, I'd set fire to the internet and kill us all, just to spare us the agony. It was a false alarm at the time.

It appears that day has come. I'm sorry, Pajibites.

I hope you will all go quietly. It's for your own good.

It's been real.

I, for one, would not mind if you just wanted to review the movie from the trailer. They showed the entire movie, anyway!

Lance Guest?! As in...Jaws: The Revenge Lance Guest? As in the shark follows the Brodys to the Bahamas and eats a banana boat and motherfucking ROARS Lance Guest? Love it.

Apatow is quickly becoming to producing/directing what Will Ferrell is to acting

Oh boy...it makes me cry because it may just be true. I'll cement my position after watching Sarah Marshall, that and Pineapple Express look pretty funny.

John Goodman is a GOD, so the idea of him starring in a movie with Zooey Deschanel makes my heart all aflutter. I watch Coyote Ugly on TBS because of his presence damn it.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA the Breakfast Club as imagined by McSuck, kill me now.

Seriously, kill me now.

Hey, I remember The Last Starfighter! I was that much of a geek even back then that I loved it and watched it over and over. They better do it justic....errr....make it watchabl.....ummm....cool, they're remaking The Last Starfighter!

I'm holding my fingers to my ears and humming loudly as I read over the part about The Breakfast Club. I refuse to acknowledge anything that might taint my childhood friends (I was a loner as a kid, get off my back).

I'm actually surprised, in keeping with the ongoing saga of directors and movies that should stop mining their one-trick pony, that you didn't mention the newest Meet the Epic Date Spartans Movie. I think it's Superheroes or something like that...I don't know, my mind went blank as soon as I realized what I was watching.

I have to admit, I haven't seen many Apatow movies, but it seems to me that he really does need to start varying his schtick up. Too many of his movies and characters are running together into one huge gag that's impossible to separate from itself (was that joke from Superbad? No, I think it was Knocked Up....)

B-Slim:

Consider it done.

TK...make it quick and painless please.

TK, thank you for the advance warning so that I may set my affairs in order. This comment will self-destruct in ten seconds.

I have no idea why that came out in all bold text. Apparently the impending doom has scrambled my brains.

Nicole-hee!

"This website will self-destruct in ten, nine, eight, six..."
"Six! What happened to seven?"
"Just kidding!"

Enemy Mine has been playing on HBO for the better part of 20 years. No kidding.

Who knew this would be what would lead to the downfall of Pajiba? I'm ready and waiting, TK.

:sniff: I'm too young to die. :whimpers: Hold me.

Oh, and TK? Please spare my doggies? They're nice and they don't even watch movies.

You loved Death Sentence with Kevin Bacon? That had John Goodman in it.

Did you see that face Raven made out the car window when she was setting off with her dad? Start practicing that now, Dustin. Especially if you have to review the Mike Myers clusterfuck as well. On the bright side, I didn't know Slim and Vermillion had written a book! "The Beginner's Guide to Torturing and Killing Hollywood Industry Insiders" does include stalking tactics and the art of the samurai sword, correct?

Arrrgh, why can't I get my damn italics to ever work? It happens every time.

Romany Malco? Nooooo! What are you doing?
Doesn't Mike Myers ever get bored of doing the same jokes over and over? Does he ever watch Wayne's World and weep at what he's become?

Pets and babies will be spared, since obviously they use neither the internet nor televisions.

Julie: We all gotta go sometime, darlin'. The world is too dark a place for us now.

Also, those who don't wish to be part of this purge... I'm sorry. I'll be dispatching minions to hit you in the back of the head with a shovel, in case you're thinking of putting up a fight.

It's for the greater good, people.

[Hot Fuzz voice] The greater good. [Hot Fuzz voice]

[Hot Fuzz voice] The greater good. [Hot Fuzz voice]

Well, looks like my plans for a relaxing Spring are shot to hell. I was gonna do a little Spring-cleaning, redo the bedroom, put new trim up in the kitchen and start planning the garden...

Now it looks like prepping the MurderTank will take up the majority of my time. I'm guessing that the McG (what the HELL kind of name is that, anyhow?) disasterpiece alone is gonna require that I add extra seating (goodbye, bloody-mary bar) for those who will join us on our quest of destruction. Somebody needs to wrangle up a best of the road trip megamix, and unfortunately, we're gonna have to deal with a unisex bathroom, folks...

TK, I pray to the almighty godtopus that you've got a few extra kevlar sweater-vests...

Kris: you'd be correct.

Also, I'm specially proud of the chapter in which we list AND rate, Liquor Stores across the nation.

What was that ruckus?!

(Muffled breaths from McG and Co.)

Could you describe the ruckus, sir?

(Use your imagination.)

Look of innocence...nobody tells.

I like The Last Starfighter, because I like a lot of crap movies, but a sequel is a staggeringly dumb idea. That movie is only awesome because of how terrible it is. In more cheerful news: John Goodman, yay! I love John Goodman. He's sexy, I think because he's so funny and endearing.

I don't particularly care one way or the other about a bound-to-suck quasi-remake of The Breakfast Club, because I won't watch it. There are certain movies that just shouldn't be remade. I think the more an older film still holds up today, the worse a remake is bound to be. Some things are the result of a charmed perfection in casting and timing, and messing with them can only end in disaster.

Hurry up TK, because between a Breakfast Club remake and the first 30 seconds of that Mike Myers trailer, I'm about to claw out my own eyeballs.

How much lighter fluid do you need to burn down the internet?

TK, will I have time to check my email before you fire up the 'net?

Amen, Sarina, to both sentiments. I watch anything John Goodman is involved in

"...By default, really, I love any movie that gives John Goodman a job..."

express my thoughts on him perfectly. He's the only reason I watched Roseanne.

First off, how can you have a remake (even an unofficial remake) of the Breakfast Club that doesn't take place in a high school or involve high school students? The original BC centers around the harsh realities of high school cliques and stereotypes, which I don't believe exist anywhere else. I get that the basic premise of this new movie could be similar - throw a bunch of very different people (who usually wouldn't speak to one another) into a situation where they are forced to interact with and understand each other- but with twenty-somethings involved, it wouldn't result in the same kind of tensions and drama (I hope, for the sake of humanity. Who knows, maybe 25 is the new 16?).

Also, on this subject: dandruff is just not sexy, regardless of who is attached to the hair that's producing it. I'm sorry, Dustin.

Secondly, regarding the Judd Apatow comments - here is what I'd like to know: what is he doing that is so cringe-worthy? I've thought all of his films to date have been pretty solid. They may not be your cup of tea, but he hasn't produced any half-assed, lazy, mindless crap. Is it simply the sheer number of films he's coming out with now? Or that you're worried that these films will necessarily decrease in quality as they increase in quantity? Or perhaps that he's going to make us all sick of a good thing (e.g., The Post-Christmas Chocolate Effect: wherein chocolate - usually the most beloved of all things edible - becomes nauseating after eating a few Fannie May boxes' and multiple five-inch Santas' worth)?

I'm honestly curious about this - not looking to rumble with anyone.

TK, please do it before the "Horton" movie opens!

I just cannot stand the idea of Jim Carrey taking
another dump in Dr. Seuess' skull. I swear I've
almost destroyed my TV every time the trailer
comes on and he's riffing on "A person is a
person...."

I'm also scheduling a stop to pick up Zooey Deschanel. In my head, she already loves me, and if she doesn't, I'm hoping the pimped out MT will change her mind...

I agree with the John Goodman admiration here. He is far too underused... His roles in "Lebowski" and "Oh, Brother" helped me forget years of Roseanne...

I personally dug the "Last Starfighter", so even while a remake is pretty dumb, I'll probably go see it. When I was a kid, I always secretly hoped that the movie was based in fact, and a Military rep would show up at my house and wisk me away to save the planet.

The funniest thing about that Mike Myers movie is the fact that there's a black guy on the Maple Leafs.

Why do crappy directors feel the need to ruin perfectly good classics? McG and his minions dumping a load onto The Breakfast Club, and Michael Bay planning to destroy Hitchcock, what's next, Jerry Bruckheimer and an updated version of Clockwork Orange?

TK, I pray to the almighty godtopus that you've got a few extra kevlar sweater-vests...

For the record, I believe I know a place that you can get those at.

Ed Asner will play Dano's pot-smoking, gangsta-rap loving father

The guy already had cred with me working on "Freakazoid", but that sounds great. I hope that's the case. If only Alan Arkin could join in too. Grumpy Old Men 3D!!

A: Who's going to take the mentoring role from the late Robert Preston?
B: Is Lance's kid gonna prevail by using the Death Blossom *again*?

Anyone ever wonder what happened to Chris Makepeace?

I'm less concerned with the publicity grabbing of saying your movie's like "The Breakfast Club" ("Know what we fuckin found out?! There IS no Shermer in Illinois!") than the straight up remake of "Adventures in Babysitting" that was to star Ms. Symone. Don't fuck with my babysitter, or Meldrick will cut you!

Or perhaps that he's going to make us all sick of a good thing

This one, for me. It's the reason I still have not seen Knocked Up or Walk Hard, it's the reason why I restrain myself from gushing as much as I would over Superbad. He has made solid movies...but the more you eat of that particular treat...the more you start to question why it was you loved it so much in the first place.

TK, please do it before the "Horton" movie opens!

My friend wants to see this, and is all excited about it, and doesn't understand why I look at her in disgust. I mean, this could be a friendship-ender...

The Breakfast Club? By Mc-fucking-G?

Well, an already lousy morning has now taken a swift turn to just plain shit.

I was trying to resist it, but I need to get drunk. Right now.

tt_marie, I think you hit it with the sheer number of flicks Apatow is cranking out... I too, have dug everything to date, but there's bound to be some... I dunno, I just keep picturing John Travolta after "Pulp Fiction" and M. Night Shamalamadingdong's flicks.

Get a good thing going. Build a nice repetoire of work. Then ease off for a while. Work on some killer ideas. Fine-tune and dump 'em on us in times of need. Take a bow. Repeat.

I saw the headline about remaking TBC the other day and my mind completely dismissed it. To even think of such a thing is profane. I refuse to acknowledge any movie attempting to derive even a speck of the magic that was.

The Last Starfighter is a movie I enjoyed tremendously and remember fondly. Actually, everyone I've ever mentioned it to got a momentary faraway look in their eyes and a little goony smile. Everyone who's seen it seems to love that movie.

Likewise, my mother (who is about as interested in sci-fi as your housepet is) was very moved by Enemy Mine. It's a pretty weird little movie but my mama likes it, so don't you knock it.

NEXT: I saw the Mike Myers trailer on TV the other night and I just couldn't believe it--I mean, everyone knows Mike Myers surrendered to the shitpile more than a decade ago; you hear "Mike Myers" and "movie" and you know suckitude is imminent; but even so, this repulsive abomination was a shock to my system. I never want to view another nanosecond of this...thing.

NEXT: Some poster or other was whining the other day about "----- porn" being an overused phrase...to which I say, "Oh NO IT AIN'T!"

"----- porn" is the most perfect linguistic advancement the 21st Century has yet produced. It should be used as often as possible. It should remain in use for decades at least, if not for centuries.

"Stoner porn." How perfect is that?

Stoner Porn?

Seriously does every new subgenre that Pajiba labels have to be called porn?

besides, I'm pretty sure you're wrong, I'm pretty sure stoner porn is watching the Teletubbies while simultaneously listening to Another one bites the dust

I'm pretty sure stoner porn is watching the Teletubbies while simultaneously listening to Another one bites the dust

Hell, that sounds great sober, but I do have a bunch of Nyquil here.

I wouldn't recommend watching any Boohbah though, that might bum your shit out.

I mean, this could be a friendship-ender...

Batman and Robin was mine, and I still don't regret it. I don't even think Clooney was in that, it was his evil twin.

Also, someone upthread mentioned a remake of Adventures in Babysitting? God no, dear god no.

Jay I wouldn't recommend watching any Boohbah though, that might bum your shit out.

Watching Boohbah sober is like being stoned, only without the side effects (except than your brain still leaks out of your ear)

It's the rule of threes, Cockroach. "Teenage Dance Porn" was kind of amusing; "Will Ferrel Porn" was a little tired; stoner porn was plain obnoxious. However, based on the rule of threes comedic principle, the next time I attempt the porn subgenre joke, it will miraculously be hilarious. I'm just setting it up, see? -- DR

Godtopus will always crack me up.

With Apatow, I've loved his movies and tv so far, I just worry that he's going to crank out too many movies too fast with too little substance and simply rely on the fact that people will pay to see Seth Rogan and Jason Segel and Jonah Hill do the ad libby stoner vulgar shit they do so well...it's like his own version of the ViewAskewniverse.

I'm so effing sick of Zooey Deschanel playing this quirky lady that the males can't help but fall in love with instanfuckingtaneously. The problem is I think this phenomenon exists in real life as many actual human beings appear to be totally enamored in this girl. Is anybody else annoyed by Zooey Deschanel? Is it only me? Oh, her sister is also annoying. I bet there is a genetic marker that makes you hopelessly in love with the Deschanels and I am the only known human being to have a defective copy of the gene.

When I first read in the round up about The Last Starfighter, I thought to myself, I think I've seen that movie. And then the brief description sealed it for me. It was on HBO in the 80's (as was Enemy Mine, which I loved. Louis Gossett Jr, where are you and why aren't you getting any good roles?!). I vaguely remember liking it just fine, but it wasn't quality film making or anything.

If they are making some sort of unofficial remake of The Breakfast Club, why are the folks in their 20's? Shouldn't they all be in their late 30's if not actually 40 or so? That would be more interesting. Oh wait, what am I saying? Anything vaguely hinting at a BC remake sucks. tt_marie you are so right about the set up totally not working!

Finally, can we please, please take out Jim Carrey while were out and about in the Murder Tank? I've said it before and I'll say it again: Jim Carrey, Ron Howard, and (sadly) Mrs. Seuss deserve to be burned at the stake for the heresy that was that live-action Grinch movie (which of course I didn't see and makes me feel ill just thinking about). The whole Horton Hears a Who! mess is just pouring rock salt onto a seriously gaping wound. Bastards.

(maybe the boozehound would know what mixes best with drain cleaner)

For the record, it's absynthe.

tb

DR It's the rule of threes, Cockroach. "Teenage Dance Porn" was kind of amusing; "Will Ferrel Porn" was a little tired; stoner porn was plain obnoxious

Following the nameing convention of the first sub genre, shouldn't 'Will Ferrel Porn' be 'Drunk Fratboy Porn', and 'Stoner Porn' be 'Stoned Hipster Porn'?

But I see were you're going with the rule of three of course, completely, totally

You know, not to condone remakes, which, by and large, make God cry, but what's the big deal about The Breakfast Club? I remember seeing it when I was, what, 11, 12, and thinking, "meh." What is it about this movie that it's considered such a masterpiece? Is it a cultural thing? Do I not get it because, as a young boy growing up in the Caribbean and attending a private Catholic military school founded by Cuban exiles (soon to be a Dave Eggers style memoir coming to a bookstore near you!) I just didn't understand American middle class public school adolescent angst?

I want to understand. I want to fit in. I really do.

Oh, and Mike Meyers: dear God in heaven! What happened?

Stand down, TK.

I repeat stand down.

There's no need to blow-up the internets. This isn't a Breakfast Club re-make. It's a re-imagining or whatever they hell they're calling it. It's not taking place in a school. It's not about teenagers. It will be far enough removed from the real deal that it will just seem like a really lame attempt to do what has already been done.

I remember seeing The Last Starfighter at a sneak preview. In fact, I know I still have the The Last Starfighter button I got from that preview in a box in my closet at home. I saw it recently on cable. It's still pretty much the exact same movie it was back then. It has at least one great moment, which is more than most films give us:

Alien Dude stands there with his ship blowing up all around them: What do we do now?

Alien Commander looks at him. He pauses a moment to let his mechanical monocole snap shut across his eye: We die.

Big ass explosion.

A classic.

As for Enemy Mine. That movie was sweet. It sort of started one way, veered off the tracks when Lou Gosset gave birth, and then veered off again when those evil slaver dudes showed up.

UNCLE!!!

Seriously, Tamatha. I want to strap Carrey to a chair all Clockwork Orange style and make him watch Eternal Sunshine for days on end until he no longer feels the urge to sign onto films like Hop On Pop: This Time We'll Make a Funny Seuss Movie, For Realsies!.

Protege?

Well, Mc means 'son of', doesn't it? So his father is named 'G'.

Makes sense to me.

this movie has nothing whatsoever to do with The Breakfast Club, they're just trying to bank on one small similarity to drum up interest in a movie destined for suckitude. can we just call it a stupid sounding movie set in an airport directed by McG? no reason to even give them the satisfaction of talking about it in the same sentence as TBC. so maybe we don't all need to die after all, just ignore this one.

Also, just rewatched Wayne's World, which I remember loving, and while there are moments of genius (Bohemian Rhapsody sing along?), Mike Meyers is just as embarrassing then as he is now.

As for TBC, being a high schooler in Illinois at the time of the release lends a bit of ownership to that movie and causes a bit of pain near my sternum. So I guess this will also mean a remake of the Simple Minds song by either Nickleback or Fall Out Boy to really make it a shit stew.

Last Starfighter loved it, made me want to play Intelivsion more than I already was.

As for the Tim Allen movie, it could be a little better than terrible since he is an ex-con.

Last, John Goodman, you have to throw out The Babe and Blues Brothers 2000 don't you?

I agree wholeheartedly with richmac - "Blues Brothers 2000" should be destroyed. Dan Ackroyd should be punched as hard as possible in the face for that hunk o' shit. Jim Belushi should be strung up by his testes at the entrance of the House of Blues and force-fed urine-cubes for even associating himself with anything having to do with the original. John Belushi should be reanimated and join us on the MurderTank...

Armando, I agree. I liked the movie well enough, but it's hardly worth going kamikaze over. So, um, no, I won't be going down in flames of glory over this. *Cocks sawed-off shotgun in the event someone thinks to sneak up on the Dapster*

John Belushi should be reanimated and join us on the MurderTank...

Oooh, good idea Skitt. Do you think we'll have enough magic potion to reanimate Judd Nelson?

...oh wait.

I happen to think that the plot of "The Last Starfighter" could be recycled into a very good teen-angst coming-of-age movie, which the original most certainly was not. It's actually the only old movie I can think of that should be remade. The original was awful, with much built-in room for improvement, and it's obscure enough that most people probably wouldn't know it was a remake.
That last thing makes the sequel (and it is a sequel, not a remake in the works) a mind-bogglingly stupid idea.
And I never really liked the Breakfast Club, but 25 most definitely is the new 16.

John Belushi should be reanimated and join us on the MurderTank...

"I'm gonna get the Duke and John Casavetti and Sam Peckinpaw and a case of fuckin' whisky and drive down to Texas..."

I don't understand the John Hughesian melodrama. Of course, I never saw them when they came out (I was 4), however I might maim the dude remaking The Last Starfighter. Why, oh why, must they fuck with my world? Giant talking turtle and video games being a gateway into saving the world? To a preschooler at the dawn of the Nintendo age that is fucking genius.

"I'm gonna get the Duke and John Casavetti and Sam Peckinpaw and a case of fuckin' whisky and drive down to Texas..."

Posted by: twig at March 4, 2008 1:43 PM

Why do you have to remind me of things that are probably not good for work-time listening? Why??

I have this on my IPod too. Damn.

Personally, I'm loving the whole "subgenre porn" designations. Keep 'em coming, I say.

Absinthe and Drano on the rocks? With a twist of lime? Mmmmmm.

Why do you have to remind me of things that are probably not good for work-time listening? Why??

... because I'm an asshole?

A.SS.HO.LE everybody! A.SS.HO.LE!

I think you have to have been of a certain age when The Breakfast Club came out for it to have stuck with you the way it has for so many of us. Like I said before, it was the movie my girlfriends and I watched at our first all-night sleepover, and, I don't know, I guess it spoke to me.

Ooh, The Last Starfighter! That was a big favorite of mine when it came out. In my defense, I was 10. I remember we watched it at my 10th birthday party. Then we played on my Slip-n-Slide. Those were the days. (Why does the sentence Then we played on my Slip-n-Slide sound dirty to me now?)

Only the cool kids loved the John Hughesian universe.

Stoner Porn makes me think of Dazed and Confused...

Hehe, richmac...I remember that game! I was so disappointed after I beat it that nobody showed up at my door, asking for my leet video game skills to pilot an interstellar warship.

"Lock'N'Load" sure kept me honest back in my barista days, and still does on the other side of the counter. I'm gonna order a "large coffee" from you, whatever YOU pretend to call it. Plus I tend to yell "shithead!" a lot, but it's usually just in my car.

Just make sure John is dressed as Wild Bill Kelso.

"Ya guns! Let me hear ya guns!"

(Why does the sentence Then we played on my Slip-n-Slide sound dirty to me now?)

Either it's because you're so much older now and can see the connotations of the language we speak...or you've been hanging around Julie.

When we played on the Slip-n-Slide when I was little I was bruised to hell always the next day. That makes me wonder if playing on the Slip-n-Slide as an adult would have the same effects, or if the neighbors would call the cops too quickly. Those stakes that hold it into the ground could come in handy, I'm thinking.

I only played on the Slip-n-Slide one time. I don't know if it was from doing it wrong or something....but I always ended up with burns or scrapes every time I flung myself down that cheap piece of plastic. I gave it to my brother and sister and never tried it again.

On retrospect...it might have helped to put water on it...

...The whiny, self-obsessed twenty-something (no offense), of which there are five, all of whom are stranded together in the Chicago O'Hare airport after their flight is bumped.

A couple summers ago, coming home from a business trip, I spent six hours locked in a plane on a runway in Newark (no food, and I'd had no dinner). Finally we got cleared to fly to Chicago, where I had to spend the night in the O'Hare airport and cross my fingers for a flight the next day. It's a longer story than I'm relating here, but the point is I'd rather relive that whole experience myself than watch the movie about it described above.

I think that John Hughes movies are great, but a lot of them have special meaning for a certain sub-group of people - suburban high school kids in the '80s (like me). This movie isn't a TBC remake; it's a wanna-be trying to cash in on our nostalgia.

twig - your comments warm me down to the cockles of my heart. Even deeper than that - in the sub-cockle area.

Twig...

Will you be driving a car with whaleskin hubcaps and baby seal eyes, pounding down quarter pounders, extra slow in the super fast lane?

Sigh...

Three-ninteen...

Maybe the kidney or even the liver?

"I'm gonna get the Duke and John Casavetti and Sam Peckinpaw and a case of fuckin' whisky and drive down to Texas..."

DAMNIT! I just got the reference. Curse my non-attention paying eyes! Now I have to go find it to listen to it...

(Why does the sentence Then we played on my Slip-n-Slide sound dirty to me now?)

Either it's because you're so much older now and can see the connotations of the language we speak...or you've been hanging around Julie.

You have destroyed my will to become an innocent, Shadows, and the Catholic community is worser for it.

:sadly takes off crucifix necklace, burns application to become a novitiate at local convent:

I don't know that you had to be at some certain place in your life when The Breakfast Club came out in order to appreciate it. I was 7, so I was at the place in my life where I cut the hair off all my Barbie dolls and I really wanted a Cabbage Patch Kid and I spent the majority of my free time wearing a bathing suit and roller skates, and I don't think I even saw The Breakfast Club until several years after it was released. That does nothing to make it any less a good film that speaks to the awkward peculiarities of adolescence, and it certainly doesn't lessen the serendipitous chemistry of the cast.

Thousands of movies were released before I was born, about circumstances I've never experienced in eras I certainly don't remember. That doesn't change the fact that if a film is well made and tells an interesting tale about some aspect of the human condition, that film will always be good. This is the same reason so many remakes are counterintuitive. If a story still resonates, why change the telling of it? Remakes are all well and good when they introduce a new perspective, depth, or aspect of the original. When they're just watered down, whoremongering tripe, they're offensive on principle.

I hate to say it, but while I did enjoy The Breakfast Club, it just didn't resonate with me (considering I was 4 at the time), but even growing up, I never fell in love with this movie. So remake away, I say. Besides, if it does end up as much a travesty as it will be, consider it an opportunity to educate the younguns by showing them the source material. And though I have never advocated violence, that McG does have a douchebaggy name and most certainly looks the part. So, TK, save the internet, but burn the douche. Use Skitt's personalized chainsaw/flamethrower (now in pastel!!)

the last starfighter rocked. My husband is still in training and awaiting the aliens. 40 will be a hard birthday for him this year.

I didn't see The Breakfast Club until I was about 16 years old...I couldn't fully relate to the characters, since I myself have never felt like an outcast or pigeonholed by a stereotype, but I did appreciate what the film was trying to convey in showing how even the popular kids can feel resentful of how limiting their status in school made them. I have just always thought that the film was both funny and sweet, with a guilty pleasure of a soundtrack.

You know what sucked about the Slip-n-Slide?

When the only people you knew that owned one also happened to have a shitty, uneven, bumpy, dog-poo, prickle-weed ridden yard and a hose that could only produce just-above-freezing water.

You'd get a running start, cutting your feet on twigs and crunchy grass, hit a piece of humid dook, belly-flop onto the ice-cold cheap plastic, cut your nipples where the duct-tape held the thing together and guaranfuckinteed, you'd hit the end with the wind knocked outta you, bleeding, stinky and cold.

Then you'd do it all over again until it got too dark, signaling the start of moonlit Jarts and bottle-rocket fights.

Yeah, I strayed from the comment... Sorry.

Good points, Sarina. I was about eight when the movie was originally released, and I've seen it a number of times over the years. I realize that the movie speaks to many, and I respect that. It just didn't have that much of an impact on me, even as a shy, awkward, unpopular girl, although I liked it well enough. Main point being - not everyone of a certain age was pro-Hughesian. I'm not anti-Hughesian, either, mind you, but a (potential) remake of his films doesn't inspire the sackcloth and gnashing of teeth it does in others.

When the only people you knew that owned one also happened to have a shitty, uneven, bumpy, dog-poo, prickle-weed ridden yard and a hose that could only produce just-above-freezing water.

Oh GOD, that was always so bad. The best was my aunt's house, she had an abundantly grassy yard with a slight incline, so me and my cousins would set up a baby pool at the bottom of the hill and go to town...and then we would towel off and eat popsicles and Bugles while watching the He-Man movie. Good times.

I'm with some of the other folks who said that Breakfast Club didn't really resonate with them. By the time it came out, I had already dropped out of high school and was knee-deep in experimenting with ugly drugs and sex, so I never connected with the characters. However, I never went back to the movie, so maybe I'll check it out again.

I thought Last Starfighter was a great, imaginative movie, and it actually still holds up pretty well.

And dood. Slip 'n slide? I always managed to somehow mangle myself on those stupid metal wickets they used to hold the plastic slide into the ground. I have baaad memories of those things. *shudder*

I've spent the night in O'Hare--it really isn't that entertaining.

I'm not feeling the Breakfast Club passion here either, but I will sign on to this murderous road trip just so we can get that bastard Jim Carrey and the fucking estate of Dr. Seuss. If it's more than 26 minutes long for a 20 page book, you've got a problem. And if you can't involve Boris Karloff, just go home. Oh wait, no, just go home now. Do not pass GO, do not collect umpty-billion dollars for raping my childhood memories.

"...and eat popsicles and Bugles while watching the He-Man movie. Good times."

Okay, you just got so much cooler. I had all the He-Man cartoons, movies, and toys when I was little.

I miss doing the witch fingers with Bugles when I was younger. I had some the other day, and noticed that my fingers didn't fit anymore. Sad.

...the He-Man movie...

Posted by: Julie at March 4, 2008 2:53 PM

Holy shit, Julie, I haven't seen that in years, which I shall have to remedy immediately. This is why I'm so behind on new movies. My Netflix queue is clogged with absolute garbage.

SoD - BUGLES WITCH FINGERS!!!! Hooray! Just thinking about that made me happy.

Speaking of weird things you put on your hands, did anyone ever slop wood glue over your hands and let it dry and then try to peel it off at once? I used to always do that with my sister when we were watching TV. Maybe that's weird.

But then again, you guys are all weird, so maybe this a good forum in which to discuss wood glue hands.

[bursts in with katana drawn and glinting]

WHO was talking shit about Roseanne????

...

That's what I thought.

[backs out of room slowly, blade raised, eyes sweeping side to side]

ATTENTION BUGLES: Make Bugles bigger because boozy, bizarre bloggers are begging our beloved, blessed memories be brought back and we're betting this bold move benefits billions blissfully.

Otherwise, we'll be bloodthirsty and behead you with a... bazooka...?

Fuck yeah... wood hands.

boozy?

Aww, Skitt, your brilliant use of alliteration just cheered me up.

I don't care if you're the best fricking director that ever walked the earth, you are NOT ALLOWED to remake The Breakfast Club in any way, shape, or form. Don't even HINT at it, ok?

I saw it on a first date when I was 15. Since it was rated R, my 17 year old date had to buy the tickets in advance. Maybe it was because I was 15, but damn that movie hit home. And you know what? I've re-watched it many times since (and not just the g*ddamned bleeped out, no pot smoking version they show on TNT or whatever) and it is aging pretty well, too. Like me, ha.

And yeah to whomever said even if anyone DID have permission to remake it, it would need to have people in their late 30s and early 40s dammit. THAT'S HOW OLD WE ARE NOW, IDIOT DIRECTOR.

I need to breathe a bit. And step away from the computer. I will NOT be seeing this shite.

Em, remake of The Breakfast Club only now they're in their 20s? Am I senile or hasn't that already been done and it was called St. Elmo's Fire?

Hee, Paddy, I believe you are correct.

What you people need is the indoor Slip 'n' Slide. It's the shit. We duct tape plastic all down the fourth floor hall of my dorm and then dump soapy water on it and go!

(And as long as we're railing against McG, can I just remind everyone that he's directing the next Terminator? Oh, the humanity!)

What you people need is the indoor Slip 'n' Slide. It's the shit. We duct tape plastic all down the fourth floor hall of my dorm and then dump soapy water on it and go!

Genius. Pure genius. I wonder how upset my sister will be if I make this suggestion to my niece and nephew?

If you make sure to tape the plastic to the wall, it's not actually messy at all. So it probably depends if your sister is a freewheelin' Pajiba-type mom, or... like my mother.

I'm so damn tired of shit being called freaking *enter word here* porn. I get it, I really do. Torture porn gives freaks a hard-on, and Dance porn gives 12 to 14 year old girls figurative hard-ons. Just please let that shit die, it's getting annoying and just isn't very clever/funny anymore.

Smithy, I'm really not sure anymore...but I think I'm gonna find out very soon.

That Guy

Go look at what Dustin addressed to me in response to the very same complaint I made. Makes perfect sense now. perfect sense... pefect sense....

/I'm thinking if I keep on repeating it, maybe...

I'm so damn tired of shit being called freaking *enter word here* porn meep meep...Just please let that shit die hurble heeble etc.

You should stop posting because I'm tired of your bitch-porn.

However, "Real Genius" does still hold the title for dorm water feats.

And Michelle Meyrink still holds my heart.

bitch-porn

Ha! Okay, please marry me Jerce.

Jerce I'm so damn tired of shit being called freaking *enter word here* porn meep meep...Just please let that shit die hurble heeble etc.

You should stop posting because I'm tired of your bitch-porn.

Did someone piss in you cherrios, or did twist your nipples?

we're supposed to tolerate diversity of thought here, remember? Besides, counting mine that complaint has only been aired twice (in this thread anyway)

You should stop posting because I'm tired of your bitch-porn.

Oh, snap! You went all title-porn up in here!

...I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm going home.

@ Jay:

This? This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets really cold. This? This is Kent. This is Kent. This is what happens to people when they never get laid.

I fucking love that movie.

I also love Jerce.

You know what kind of porn is unpleasant and boring? Crybaby porn. Jesus, people, lighten up. Not everybody is going to like everything, so it's bound to happen that Dustin (and everyone else, for that matter) will write things that somebody, somewhere does not find hilarious. What's the big deal? Homogeny is for losers, anyway.

whoops. my bad; for some reason I didn't register that That Guy was coming off as humourless as a Carey/Farrrel recent movie marathon. In my defence, I only skimmed it, after I saw my (now changed) sentiment aired again

Sorry, Jerce, Clearly someone pissed in That Guy's cherrios, twisted his nipples and electrified his nads (if he has any)

The Mike Meyers and Martin Lawrence films will both suck runny donkey shit through a silly straw to be sure.

But, I really wanna fuck the shit outta Raven Simone.

Aw, cockroach, I was just about to lay into you and ask you if you'd been born lacking the sarcasm gene, etc.

Good thing I scrolled down to read all the comments before I got all click-happy.

But, I really wanna fuck the shit outta Raven Simone.

Posted by: Spork at March 4, 2008 6:11 PM

Reeeeeeeeally?

I'm partial to the Allen sisters myself, with one caveat they'd have to be in character but switched! Get it? Debbie would have to play Claire Huxtable while the other is doing the dance instructor from FAME!, and she'd have to do the "You want fame..." speech all through the marathon sex session.

After we were finished, I'd tell them to leave my room.

we're supposed to tolerate diversity of thought here, remember? Besides, counting mine that complaint has only been aired twice (in this thread anyway)

I think Jerce was just taking the piss, you cock-a-roagche.

"...hit a piece of humid dook..."
oh my god Skittimus Maximus, AHAHAHAHAHA that is classic!

I am of the firm opinion that my first marriage disentegrated because my ex-husband worshipped Tim Allen as the "funniest man that ever lived". Now they are letting him direct movies? How many more marriages and lives does Hollywood want to ruin?

As for the Breakfast Club...I was exactly the age that film was aiming for when it came out...and I loved it at the time, but the idea of a 'reimagining' does not violate my sacred cows. I think remaking the Last Starfighter is a much worse idea.

Late to the party, but Shadows O'D, I think you have a point when you said "Only the cool kids loved the John Hughesian universe." I didn't fit into any of the stereotypes of high school, including "misfit" (if that even makes sense...?), and the '80s classic teen flicks just never resonated with me.

A faux "Breakfast Club"? Why not a re-worked "Trains, Planes and Automobiles"? Or perhaps an updated "Body Heat"? Why not build a time machine and go back to the 80's to destroy my childhood? Hmmm?

And get off my lawn.

Can we just call it the "Hughesiverse"?

It's time for another guilty pleasure confession:

I just love cheesy science nerds and don't particularly care about the decade. I own a copy of - also have Night of the Comet, My Stepmother Is An Alien, Flash Gordon, Earth Girls Are Easy, Real Genius...

so basically this supposed remake tries to slip that it's in fact a remake without actually taking responsability for it. I mean the only two thngs they have in common are the chicago area as a setting and few people strained together agaist their will forced into making conversation and somehow bonding against the common enemy, Looking at it looks like even The Cube could be consider a remake/new loot at tBC.
" Just try to tell Principal Vernon that he looks like barry manilow another time bender, just try, see you next week in detention, btw is gonna be a bit creepier"

had to skip through the last third of the comments, so i don't know if anyone pointed this out, or if i'm just too anal to let it pass.
louis gossett wasn't in "last star fighter", but yeah, the pilot/navigator alien looked alot like the one he played in enemy mine.
and we loved "the last starfighter". again, i'm a couple years older, so we watched with our kids over and OVER again on cable. almost didn't, it looked pretty dorky from the trailers. i think it was robert preston sealed the deal.
i think billy connolly might be an interesting "replacement" for the robert preston role. no one can really replace him.

breakfast club? eh.

I loved the living shit out of Night of the Comet. Why doesn't somebody remake that?!

I disagree with whoever said that Last Starfighter was obscure. Anyone born in the 80's who had the disney channel can tell you, this and Adventures in Babysitting basically played all the time. I have never met anyone born between 82 and 89 who hasn't seen it.*

I also wonder if it is such a good idea to talk about things we don't want Hollywood to do. My sister once said that if Pajiba hates a movie, she would like it. Maybe Hollywood has scouts looking for childhood memories to rape. Be careful what you put in type.

Oh god. You poor bastard. I was wondering which of you would get stuck with that crap.

And that Mike Myers movie looks so fucking bad, it's not even funny. (..obviously)

Oh, well that explains it, Theresa. I was born in '83, and didn't have cable until I started college in '04. (Yes, that's three years late. Long story.) I had vaguely heard of the Last Starfighter, but I never saw it until last summer, and I had to do some digging to find a copy of it.
Also, the sequel's target audience was probably born after '89...not to whine or anything, but the world has pretty much passed us by.

...I can't even muster up any vitriol. It's just... I'm so tired to these cinematic abortions.

Please, Hollywood. I just want good movies. Please?

hahahahahahahahahahahahah!

That Martin Lawrence movie clip just made my day by it ending with him being tasered in the nuts. Of course!

So I read the connection possiblities with Apatow and Ferrell (precisely what I was thinking as I was reading the run-down) and find the possibility quite probable.

I think a different group of people LOVED (or maybe "drove" )Superbad, certainly not the same that may have loved Freaks and Geeks. I thought even in its best parts some of it seemed far more commercially conscious than anything Judd had ever done. I get it, make a High School Romp-Com, gotta make sure they want to see it, and they did. Props, it was still great to me and many others.

However, the hoards that "drove" Superbad may not have connected to the comedies aimed more toward the mid 20s early 30s crowd, which I think Sarah Marshall certainly is, and what the aforementioned new project sounds like. So the younger "loved Superbad" crowd could find the next few projects like his (unfortunately) short-lived projects; but they will still at least show up the first weekend, meaning you will see Apatow overkill... which could turn off the older Apatow fans. I hate to admit it, but I get a little snobby when my under appreciated guy goes mainstream.

But ultimately if they are the typical smart, well rounded and genuine comedies he has consistently put out, its all a fucking wash.

The difference between Ferrell, (besides as a performer taking projects he doesn't have total creative control of,) the ones that were his (and usually Adam McKay's) projects have been way too derivative from the successful formula, which has turned off all but the bored mass of 8 single young dude crowd. I mean I loved Anchorman when it came out, and I give Will a longer leash because I think he used to let other actors show amazing comedic chops. Paul Rudd stole Anchorman (sorry to those who thought it was a stepping stone for Carrell,) and John C. Reilly carried a predictable Talledega Nights. Semi Pro would have been much more memorable had Will Arnett and Andrew Daly (the commentators, mostly Daly,) had about double the lines and be that side-lights to take time between Ferrellisms. But as the carbon copies pile up, the more they just stick Will making sounds and faces on the screen which is too bad because say what you want, he does surround himself with funny ass people.

I'll give Apatow credit, he actually strays a bit in his own little genre compared to Ferrell to me. It'd be easy to make another Superbad buddy-flick and make a load of cash, but Sarah Marshall doesn't seem like it'll be the talk of the frats when it comes out, and its OK with that from how the trailer is being presented. But if its middling and seems too close to the vest the backlash will come from both sides, even if the receipts show a hit.

Oh and re-telling the Breakfast Club? Hey why try to sell your own ideas when you can just be a parasite on something universally loved? Its really lovely to see what happens when lack of creativity, cowardice and a quick buck get thrown into the same George Foreman Knockout grill.

Since I was born in 1984 and have been something of an avid video gamer since I was old enough to grasp an Atari XL joystick, I'm actually really rather enthused about the sequel the The Last Starfighter (although as far as illogically-named sequels go, this one's going to rival The Neverending Story Pts II and III - I humbly offer that Hollywood calls this one The Last Starfighter II - Electric Boogaloo).

Many was the time I used to fantasise about my skills at R-Type II, Tempest, Raiden and their ilk leading me to being whisked off to spearhead an offensive against a malevolent alien force. Reading Terry Pratchett's 'Only You Can Save Mankind' didn't help much, either.

If anyone needs me, I'll be on the XBox playing Rez HD.

Oh my, Dill. I think you might be my year-older-than-me-long-lost-Internet twin. For reals.

I loved The Breakfast Club, even though it didn't resonate with me particularly. I think I first watched it at age 15 after we stole the keys to our formroom VCR. That was the year of Weird Science, The Lost Boys and Sixteen Candles too - my best friend had/has kind of an obsession with 80s teen movies.

As far as the randomconcept-Porn thing goes I really don't mind it but can we stop using it in article titles? I already have the words "Hot Twat McGriddle" in my work internet history and I'm starting to get worried about how it's looking to my IT department.

Hi socalled!

I speak from experience when I say 'don't post before reading.'
It can lead to painful thread symptoms such as repetition, redundancy, and idiocy

AtO: So, is it the Terry Pratchett fanboyism (I've got a signed copy of 'The Truth' which is a particularly prized possession), the videogaming obsession (I've owned an Atari XL, two Atari STFMs, an Atari Jaguar - with the CD drive add-on, and three PCs, the second of which I won in a competition in PC Zone magazine), or the general desire to be the deciding factor in an intergalactic dispute?

Don't suppose you too have an irrational hatred of the colour lilac, do you? If that's something we have in common, I may be forced to battle Vermillion to the death for your hand in marriage.

I'm sure they would see it as it really is, AtO...a new pancake recipe. What else could it be?

Oh man, I remember Weird Science and Lost Boys! Those were classic! I remember being so confused by Weird Science, until I got older any my now-warped little mind was able to understand what was going on. Good times.

I don't hate the colour Dill but the word is fucking obnoxious. The spelling really bothers me. There should be a double L in there somewhere or something, and the ending "ac" irritates me beyond words. I know I'm weird, I can't help it.

Well let's just say that my signed copy of Good Omens is my prized possession and I already have my outfit planned for when I am inevitably called to action, if a girl's going to save the universe she's going to look snappy doing it, I actually have several options - including two sets of possible formal wear (most intergalactic disputes do at some point involve either a ball or an awards ceremony - I've done the research)...

Don't think I could come close on the console obsession (although I own more shiny pieces of gadgetry than most people I know my commitment has been in decline for a while now) but I did work a retail job I hated for two years just for the staff discount (oh GAME, how I miss you and your miriad opportunities for swindling the trade in system... Through a long and complicated series of very creative trades I managed to start off with a busted X-Box and eventually end up being paid £0.03 to take away a brand new silver slim PS2, a pre-owned copy of Ico, an extra controller and a DVD remote. I fucking rocked that one.)

Yes Shadows, that's exactly what they're going to think. What with the creative naming of Jezebel articles and some of the reviews here it's a wonder it hasn't been fired.

I vaguely recall having watched Weird Science, in as much as I could tell you in broad strokes what the movie's about, but I can't recall a single specific line or scene from it.

Lost Boys, on the other hand, I've watched for more than is healthy for me. Damn my man-crush on Keifer Sutherland. That particular personal weakness has even lead to me watching Flatliners about four times.

I just thought - does admitting that I've repeatedly watched a Joel Schumaker film that's not Tigerland automatically make some sort of homing device in Skittimus' MurderTank start blinking?

I think you should be safe, Dill, as long as you don't mention his version of Batman.

AtO: Now we're posting comments at the same time. :)

As for lilac, I've never thought of the word as annoying before, but considering my pre-existing hatred of the colour (it's like some half-assed wuss-out betwixt pink and purple - pick a side, goddamnit), I'm inclined to agree.

Re: Formal wear for superhero/superheroine duties - does that mean if I ever get called up to take part in a galactic ass-whupping, I can't just show up in my usual attire (an Iron Maiden T-shirt or some variant thereof, a spiked wristband, a studded belt and oversized wallet chains, jeans, trainers and, in all likelihood, a faint whiff of lager)?

Oh, and as for the swindling of GAME - ma'am, I salute you.

It's always nice to find Pajibans in my own timezone...

Well you can show up like that Dill. I mean it's your choice obviously, but it's going to make sneaking in to the Vorgon embassy to make copies of their bypass plans a little bit trickier. I of course will have swanned in the front door with my forged invitation and ballgown.

I guess you could always claim you were with the band. Or use the poison darts that come as part of the new modifications made to your wristband.

Yeah, that'll work.

How many times is Hollywood allowed to go dig in the comedy goldmine of "characters stuck in the airport"?

Nothing makes me chortle like the thought of missing my connecting flight and paying $6 for a cup of coffee.

AtO: So finally, my over-indulgence in the cinematic oeuvre of Steven Seagal will come in handy, as I get to draw on my knowledge of the Tommy Lee Jones character in Under Siege by infiltrating a well-defended stronghold under the guise of a rock musician.

You've got me thinking about James Bond-esque gadgets I'd like to modify my accessories with now, as well. Perhaps a skull-shaped belt buckle that can shoot lasers from the eye-sockets? Concealed miniature grappling hooks at the end of the wallet chains? The possibilities are not only endless, but awesome too.

When properly stoned you don't need porn.

The studs in the belt can be picked off as tracking devices, kept track of on your leather all-purpose wristband.

Got any earrings? Listening devices.

Damnit, Dill, now you got me fascinated with my own wardrobe...

It's all about the mini-spycam mounted inside my glasses for me. That and the old poison-powder-in-the-large-and-not-at-all-obviously-hollow ring. What can I say? I'm a traditionalist.

God I LOVE Night of the Comet. No, no one is allowed to remake that one, either. It's perfect the way it is. Might have to watch it tonight.

Bumped - imo isn't really a remake of the Breakfast Club since it doesn't take place in High School anyway. The movie sounds crap! Why bother even making it.

BTW - i love the Breakfast Club...