Pajiba's Guide to Third-Date Flicks
Pajiba's Guide to What's Good for You / Dustin Rowles
Never underestimate the importance of third dates, folks. Third dates are where long-term determinations are made, where a relationship crystallizes, where you find out if the guy with perfectly mussed hair and a slobber-free kissing ability actually has something under the hood. While first dates test physical attraction, and second dates allow you, in varying degrees, to act upon that attraction, it is the third date where actual personalities are revealed. While first and second dates generally take place in public — restaurants, bars, movie theaters, or (for the luckier) park benches after last call — third dates tend to take shape on living-room couches, accompanied by light spirits, take-out, and DVDs.
Indeed, in many relationships, the figurative “third date” is where each partner presents his or her defining movie, the one film that epitomizes your personality — the piece of pop culture you put out there to reveal your essence, man. Back in the ’60s and ’70s, I suspect these dates took place in front of a record player, where songs were traded back and forth and couples quickly learned that Bob Dylan and Donna Summer could not co-exist. Today, in a technological world replete with rewind, pause, and DVD bonus features, it is the couch (or futon) where these defining moments are made, and where Bruckheimer can ruin a relationship or Alexander Payne can make it.
This is why, in our first “Pajiba’s Guide to What’s Good for You,” column, I offer you a handy-dandy guide to third-date movies, and what they mean to the future of your relationships.
The Rain on My Car is a Baptism, the New Me, Ice Man, Power Lloyd, My Assault on the World Begins Now: A guy can almost never go wrong with pre-2001 John Cusack — Say Anything or High Fidelity says sensitive yet masculine, culturally aware yet unpretentious, and Fidelity’s credit-rolling Stevie Wonder number, “I Believe (When I Fall in Love It Will Be Forever)” provides the ideal segue from love seat to fold-out couch. Grosse Pointe Blanke also offers a subversive twist to the Cusack canon, suggesting all of the above, but with some added baggage: He’s cool, musically inclined, but his relationships inexplicably fall apart under the weight of his past. If he offers you Shakabuku, however, politely decline and make your excuses.
What if Andy Gets Another Dinosaur? I Don’t Think I Can Take that Kind of Rejection: If she presents anything animated (Pixar or Disney 2-D), you’re looking for a world of hurt; you may as well resolve now to condom-littered doormat status. A woman who offers up Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, Toy Story, or Finding Nemo is either hopelessly naïve or more likely an overcompensating sex fiend, and she’s probably going to end up sleeping with your best friend, your roommate, and the guy down the street before your relationship ultimately crumbles while the two of you are stuck in the same apartment trying to screw your way through all of your acquaintances. It’s an ugly scene, folks. And if you go through it, Lady and the Tramp will never be the same.
You Rush a Miracle Man, You Get Rotten Miracles: Conversely, if your potential girlfriend pops in Sleepless with Seattle, You’ve Got Mail, The Princess Bride, or When Harry Met Sally, she’s not only kind of bland, but she’s angling for a ring. Not only does she have a hankering for a long-term commitment, but she’s got ridiculously high hopes for your relationship, and you may as well give it up now, man, cause all the Cusackian affectations in the world won’t live up to her lofty expectations. Still, all is not lost — if Sally from JDate hooks up with a Capra Guy (discussed below), there is hope yet.
I am the Muffin: If either partner sticks in Truffaut, David Lynch, Von Trier, Bertolucci, Malick or anyone else of their ilk, someone is already trying too hard to impress — if he/she is actually an intellectual heavyweight, there is no need to bother with Le Crime de Monsieur Lange unless he/she is out to prove something or he/she is an asshole movie critic (or film student) and, trust me, you don’t want to go there. Roman Polanski, Jean-Luc Godard, foreign films, and documentaries might suggest a high level of intelligence, but they’re not good third-date choices unless you’re trying to scare away your Ashton Kutcher types or sleep with one of your grad students, who feign interest to procure an A in your class. Don’t get me wrong: There is something to be said for a cerebral mate, but anyone who discusses auteur theories on a third date probably doesn’t wash his or her hair very often and will likely end up trying to talk you into an “open relationship” at some point. If that’s your bag, more power to you.
Now that I’ve Met You, Would You Object to Never Seeing Me Again?: Anything written or directed by Wes Anderson, Spike Jonze, David O. Russell, Paul Thomas Anderson, or Charlie Kaufman are risky propositions, with equal powers to alienate or ingratiate. Indeed, I would suggest that all of the above filmmakers provide an easy means to screen out potential mates. If you pop in Magnolia and your date is still curled up next to you after frogs have fallen from the sky, you’ve found your soul mate. If, however, your date fell asleep halfway through The Royal Tenenbaums, I’d suggest gnawing off your arm and making for the door before he/she wakes up hoping to watch a Tim Allen or Brittany Murphy flick.
Wow. Look at Me. I’m Not Even Listening to a Word You’re Saying: If you spend your weekends in comic-book stores, playing D&D, or attending “Star Trek” conventions, let’s just be honest, OK: You probably don’t actually have a date. But let’s say, by some unforeseen miracle, you’re lucky enough — with some persistence — to trick Shelly in accounting into coming over to watch a few films with you so long as you promise to sit across the room. OK. First of all: Take a shower. Second, don’t pull out the obvious. The Lord of the Rings and Matrix trilogies are only going to perpetuate the stereotype, and nine hours of hobbits isn’t going to will your date into submission. If you must present that side of yourself, at least rent American Splendor or Ghost World, which suggest a certain amount of geeky self-awareness that can be attractive to the right gal. And listen. OK. Listen hard. Do not, under any circumstances, stick Crumb into your DVD player. That ain’t cool, man. Not cool.
Neo-Maxie-Zoom-Dweebie: The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink, or Ferris Bueller’s Day Off: Awwwww. Your date is sick and you’re taking care. That’s sweet.
My mouth’s bleeding, Burt! My mouth’s bleeding!: There is a lot to be said for Frank Capra flicks — and you could do a helluva lot worse than a guy who presents It’s a Wonderful Life or Mr. Smith Goes to Washington on the third date (I’d argue that To Kill a Mockingbird also falls into this category). These films suggest a sweet, relatively intelligent guy with his head on his shoulders who works in middle management and will make a helluva Dad someday. But beyond that silver lining is a cloud that’s about to burst wide open — this fella is a weeper, ladies, and that shoulder of yours is gonna get a lot of company in the near future. A Capra guy is thin-skinned as hell; and while a man who cries occasionally — when a child is born, while he’s offering up his vows, or when the Red Sox win the World Series — makes an ideal husband or boyfriend, if he cries at the “beauty of it all,” or every time Jeff Buckley comes on the goddamn radio, you’ve got yourself a Dickens character.
Well, color me happy! There’s a sofa in here for two!: If she drags out anything starring Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Aniston, or Julia Roberts, and he counters with Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler, or Will Ferrell — God bless the two of you, you’ll be obliviously happy together for the rest of your lives and neither one of you will ever have to worry your pretty little head about what’s playing at the local indie theater.
You Got to Go through a Lot of Sex to be Ready for Anti-Sex: If she inserts any of the following movies into the DVD player on a third date, you’d best beat a path to a well-lit public place, because you’ve got yourself a lady with some deep-seated anger-issues that probably have nothing to do with you: The First Wives Club, Fatal Attraction, I Shot Andy Warhol, Sleeping with the Enemy, Single White Female, Thelma and Louise, Kill Bill, or any other film in which the female protagonist wields a butcher knife. If you decide to stick around, however, do note that — if you can take it — the sex is going to blow your mind.
She’s Either a Complete Wack Job or The Woman of Your Dreams: Annie Hall.
I’m Sorry, but I Take Little Pleasure in a Ball: If, on a third date, your girlfriend pulls out anything from Merchant Ivory Productions (Howard’s End, The Remains of the Day), anything adapted from a Jane Austen novel, or almost any movie starring Colin Firth, there is probably nothing wrong with her. She’s smart, independent, and literate. In fact, if she’s hot enough, spare her feelings and try to stay awake for God’s sake. If, on the other hand, you’re a guy who actually finds yourself enjoying any of the aforementioned films, you might consider reexamining your heterosexuality and think twice before popping in The Blue Lagoon.
Shut Up and Deal: If you both show up carrying a copy of Billy Wilder’s The Apartment, you’ll never have to endure a third date again.
It’s Not Personal, Sonny. It’s Strictly Business: There is no sense in dragging out anything directed by Spielberg, Zemeckis, Coppola, Scorsese, Ron Howard, Hitchcock, or Tarantino — they’ve all made decent films, but even their best work is largely impersonal. They can make great sixth- or seventh-date films but, on a third date, these just don’t push the relationship forward in any meaningful way. In dating terms, they’re like a great Valentine’s Cards without an inscription. It’s tantamount to adding, “I like long walks with my dog on the beach,” into your online personal ad — that may be true, but seriously, who cares?
Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!: I know, it’s obvious as hell, but if your boyfriend brings to his third date Hoosiers, Remember the Titans, Rudy, The Natural, Miracle, Seabiscuit, Friday Night Lights, or even Rocky, he’s probably well-intentioned enough, but a bit thick-headed. Personally, I’m a sucker for all of them, but they’re not flicks I’m going to bring along to create an impression about myself. The message they send is clear: “I love you, honey. Just don’t go into labor on football Sunday, all right?” Likewise, if your girlfriend offers up Bend it Like Beckham or really any of the above movies, she’s delivering a strong response: “I don’t care how much you love the fucking Yankees — our children are going to be Red Sox fans and, if you can’t handle that, you’d best look elsewhere.”
It’s Cold … So Cold: Here’s a tip for you, guys. If she pulls out Titanic, Legends of the Fall, Edward Scissorhands or The Notebook, she may fall madly in love with you but, in the end, let’s just be honest: you’d be of more use to her dead than alive. She wants a great love story, a passionate romance, and then she wants you to keel over prematurely so she can spend the rest of her days wrapped in Kleenex, reminiscing about the greatest love she’s ever known while reading Mary Higgins Clark novels. If you stick around, though, I’d suggest not going off to war or taking any long boat trips. That’s all I’m saying.
What’s the Point? They’re All the Same: Some Stupid Killer Stalking Some Big-Breasted Girl Who Can’t Act Who is Always Running Up the Stairs When She Should be Running Out the Front Door: If, on a third date, a guy pops in any horror movie (except maybe Donnie Darko), he only wants to get into your skivvies. Horror movies say absolutely nothing about a man’s personality, except that he hopes he can scare the bejesus out of you so he can stay the night and “protect” you from Freddy, Jason, or the Blair Witch. It’s stupid. It’s insulting. And it wrecks the entire third-date premise. It also implies that you’re dating a dumbass who’d presume that you’re not only easily frightened but willing to put out under the threat of an axe-murderer barging into your house at any moment.
I am a Golden God! Since you’ve indulged me so far, allow me to introduce my personal recommendation. First off, if you’re me, and she shows up with Harold and Maude, you’re probably going to end up happily married someday, but you’re going to have to endure a whole helluva lot of Cat Stevens before the man calls you upstairs to tend to the clouds. And while I might counter with one of the Cusack flicks above, if I see true long-term viability to the relationship, there is no better third-date film than Almost Famous. It’s got it all, y’all. It’s a slightly tipsy, 2 a.m.-phone-call kind of movie that introduces the best musical moment in cinematic history, the “Tiny Dancer” bus scene that will buckle your knees, make the hair on your arms salute the gods, and then detonate inside you. Indeed, Almost Famous is the closest you can get to swapping LPs on the tabletop, presenting “River,” “America,” “Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters,” “The Wind,” Alvin and the Chipmunks for novelty value, a Skynyrd song that’ll make you forget all about “Freebird,” and a Nancy Wilson score that strikes just the right chord to break your heart. Almost Famous harkens back to a time when music offered salvation instead of an insipid avenue to that faux-hipster vibe and, if you can’t find some sort of romantic symbiosis when Phillip Seymour Hoffmann pronounces that “The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone when you’re uncool,” then you don’t belong together. Hell, you may as well go back to watching There’s Something About Mary with your roommate and discussing the secrets to crushing Schlitz cans into your forehead, because that’s where you’re going to be until you find a woman that not only loves Miss Congeniality but has an unironic fondness for Weekend at Bernie’s.
So there you have it. By no means are the aforementioned films meant to be exhaustive of third-date possibilities (others might include Garden State, L.A. Story, The Philadelphia Story, Jeffrey, To Wong Foo, et al.), and I’m all but certain that I’ve missed out on a few of the personality-types suggested by movie choices — but then again, that’s what you folks are for — to remind us of our shortcomings. If you’ve got a bone to pick, or you want to sound off on the defining movie of your relationship, use the comments section below.
Dustin Rowles is the publisher of Pajiba. He lives in a blue house with his wife in a hippy colony/college town in upstate New York. You may email him, or leave a comment below.
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Comments
No quibbles with any of the above, but I would like to add to the list the movie that cemented for my husband and me the certainty that we were made for each other:
Shakespeare in Love.
If, after viewing this masterpiece, you are not fully apprised as to your date's sense of humour, familiarity with the Basics of Shakespeare and sensitivity to pathos of the most romantic sort, either you have not been paying attention -- or your date is an android.
That is all.
Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at June 21, 2006 10:11 AM
Hey man,
First: Love your site and reviews, and happy birthday...
Good one for 3rd date: Braveheart. I know, very 'Legends o/t Fall', but methinks it has it all: tear sucking romance, great death's which open the opportunity to swear you would also start a war for Her, some of the best battle scenes ever made, a good check if she is scared for blood, or worse, a Horse Girl.
And if she screams "Freedom" along with Mel in the end, you will know how conservative she will become..
(Sorry for misspelling, Me Dutch & Lazy)
Make the site last 20 years, okay?
Grtz
Magiel
Posted by: Magiel at June 21, 2006 10:29 AM
Also consider your date's profession/major: My first bf was a med-student and ruined any number of films by leaning over and explaining EXACTLY where the filmmakers got it wrong... I was of course too young to recognize that red-flag but learn from my mistake, people!
Posted by: cinekat at June 21, 2006 11:05 AM
Good call on Shakespeare in Love, Maryscott.
Another one that can make or break the relationship: A Beautiful Mind. If she relates to the Jennifer Connelly character, she will stick with you through ANYTHING!!! Which is good or bad, depending upon how passive-aggressive you are. Also, the wife doesn't actively try to force him to change, she just sits back and lets him work it out. For guys, that is all you can hope for.
Posted by: Kballs at June 21, 2006 11:22 AM
I think if a guy brought in any of the aforementioned Cusack flicks, I'd be his. Forever.
Re: Horror movies - Does Shaun of the Dead count, or is it more of a comedy?
And I don't know if I would say really high expectations for someone who pulls out Princess Bride. I think it's part of most female DNA that you have to love that movie. (But yeah, she pulls out The Notebook and you can't make love to her like Ryan Gosling? You're boned, dude.)
Posted by: Mara at June 21, 2006 11:31 AM
Where does the Graduate fit in...... I'd say along with Harold and Maude.
Posted by: Jocelyn at June 21, 2006 11:59 AM
While I did not detest Shakespeare In Love, I certainly did not find it memorable in any way. If you want to test your prospective one's "familiarity with the Basics of Shakespeare," there are plenty of actual films of Shakesepeare's works to choose from. (I would enthusiastically recommend Titus starring Anthony Hopkins; but I was an English major in college.)
Where does Repo Man fall? It'd be my "test movie" because I'd want to be sure a future long-term lover a) is familiar with it and b) laughs at the right spots and for the right reasons.
Posted by: Jerce at June 21, 2006 12:06 PM
I think a comedy is a good call in that it tests your respective senses of humor. I don't know if people are relaxed enough on first/second dates to really laugh.
God, I hated Almost Famous - especially the cringe-inducing Tiny Dancer scene. Sorry, Dustin. I agree with you about your other suggestions, though.
What about "The Shawshank Redemption"? I love that movie and most dudes I know love it, too.
Posted by: Samantha T at June 21, 2006 12:11 PM
I tend to agree with Magiel.
When I met my fiance 7 years ago, I popped in Braveheart for our 3rd date. We didn't even make it halfway through, if you catch my drift.
Posted by: Kyle at June 21, 2006 12:43 PM
I agree with Samantha that a comedy is probably the best bet, for me at least, as it would test your victims sense of humour, no matter what it may be. My Current girlfriend watched Ghost world, shaun of the dead and memento, and honestly I have no idea what that says about us.
Posted by: Blargle at June 21, 2006 12:55 PM
After 3rd date Annie Hall, I believe my husband would agree that both can be applicable. (Wack Job + Dream Girl = Wife). Ironically I mixed it with Muholland Drive...but I hadn't actually seen that one yet.
Posted by: i am orange peels at June 21, 2006 12:57 PM
My friend's test movie is "Blazing Saddles". He broke up with a girl that didn't think it was funny - good call, I say!
Posted by: fechurch at June 21, 2006 1:00 PM
Agree with the majority, but I would offer yet another category:
Be wary of anything in the Kubrick oeuvre (unless it's Dr. Strangelove). I don't think there are many woman that want that kind of visceral introduction to a man's id . . .
And I am so glad someone else expressed a distaste for Almost Famous. I'm always the odd-man-out for hating that masturbatory farce (with the exception of Mr. Hoffman and Mr. Crudup).
Posted by: j at June 21, 2006 1:06 PM
My test movie is Raising Arizona. He has to be weird enough to think the movie is hilarious. However, my husband chose Office Space (which I had never seen and he insisted that I needed to--good call). What does that say?
Posted by: Grace at June 21, 2006 1:12 PM
What if the woman brings the horror movies?
Posted by: Peridote at June 21, 2006 1:16 PM
Yeah, he'd have me with mid-career Cusack, but a major caveat to "almost any movie starring Colin Firth". Colin played Nick Hornby's character in the original (I stress "original") version of Fever Pitch before Holloywood bastardized the concept. If you didn't know there was an original version, check it out. Based on the book that this Web site acknowledges is probably the best sports memoir ever written, it's an attempt to do it right albeit with the inevitable boy-ends up with-girl ending. Great for both sexes (and the in-between ones: no prejudice here). And not a doublet or a frock coat to be seen!!!!
Posted by: Laikadog at June 21, 2006 1:22 PM
Shakespeare in love makes me puke....if you want a good period movie that is not self absorbed and pretentious and also showcases the acting talents of opne of Hollywood's greatest living stars, go with Elizabeth...or Bandits, if you love Cate but need some humor.
Posted by: anonymous at June 21, 2006 1:24 PM
About Almost Famous - I maintain that it is a boy movie - not a girl one, not a both genders one. Billy Crudup looked fine. That's about the best thing I can say for it.
Men, if you want to woo a woman, put in Say Anything. Husband says that Lloyd Dobbler ruined courting for average guys everywhere. I argue that Lloyd takes the average guy to the next level, just by virtue of association.
Posted by: dayzella at June 21, 2006 1:30 PM
Great call on Raising Arizona Grace.
I brought Blade Runner on my thirdish date with my boyfriend. I didn't want to "say" anything. He brought The Wickerman because he knows I like visiting Scotland and collecting pagan artifacts. I enjoyed the soft core porn musical numbers more than I should have but the end almost made me puke. We are still together so maybe 3rd date movies arent that important afterall.
Enjoyable read Dustin. The "It's Cold ... So Cold" entry was hysterical.
Posted by: Erin at June 21, 2006 1:41 PM
While I LOVE Almost Famous, I think comedies are best for the third date. Mostly so then you can see if they laugh when you do or if they give you a look of disgust b/c you're laughing too hard. I like to try Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Spaceballs, Office Space or Old School. Not a comedy but still a great one is, Willow
Posted by: jmurae at June 21, 2006 1:41 PM
Dustin- what would you think if I brought "The Fifth Element" to a third date?
Posted by: urs at June 21, 2006 1:42 PM
A-dvice guys,
Ken Russell's "Whore" is NOT a good date movie.
What the hell was I thinking? She didn't even talk to me for two weeks.
Posted by: mk at June 21, 2006 1:53 PM
Fifth Element is like Office Space, I guess (concerning "3rd date flicks"): kinda weird comedy that can tell you a lot about the other person's sense of jumor.
Posted by: ukzg at June 21, 2006 2:02 PM
What about Videodrome? It's not horror, it's Cronenberg.
Posted by: TR at June 21, 2006 2:44 PM
Dustin and dayzella (among others) -- There was an interesting article in the Washington Post a few months back about the impact of Cusack, particularly in Say Anything, on women's expectations of men. I'm too lazy to dig it up right now, but if you do a search it shouldn't be too hard to turn up.
Posted by: Tim at June 21, 2006 2:54 PM
This article rocks.
Story of a relationship built on movies:
First date- we went to see The Talented Mr. Ripley.
Second date- He impressed me with Run Lola Run and I scared him with Reservoir Dogs.
Third date- He insisted on Dazed and Confused.
Then I married him.
Posted by: Rachel at June 21, 2006 2:55 PM
Another bad one was "Cinema Paradiso" cuz I ended up crying ffs.
Apparently all this talk about girls liking sensitive guys is a bit overblown.
Posted by: mk at June 21, 2006 2:55 PM
Ok, what woman in her right mind would want to watch a Colin Firth movie with a man? Unless the man is gay, it wouldn't be enjoyable because you can't give Colin the worship he deserves when you are on a date. Movies of this type should only be watched on a night with the gals. Honestly, I could overlook some bad 3rd date movie choices (Bravehart....'cause a bloody war makes me hot? No.)
I would throw out the movies altogether and bring Buffy. The relationship really could not go further until the man had watched and enjoyed all of the Buffy episodes (ok, we can toss out "Beer Bad") and understands that when Battlestar is on I'll be watching it and he's not to talk during the show. We are talking deal breakers here.
Posted by: tknocks at June 21, 2006 3:05 PM
What does it mean when you suggest a good movie, regardless of genre, and the initial reaction is interest in the crappy recent remake - or worse, no knowledge of the origianl? Is it less of an issue if the origianl is a foreign language film?
Examples: Longest Yard, The Omen, Vanilla Sky?
Posted by: Brian at June 21, 2006 3:29 PM
tknocks - didn't realize TV on DVD was an option - although it would be a long 3rd date since those Buffy seasons are about 6 discs long
Posted by: Brian at June 21, 2006 3:31 PM
Regarding Shakespeare: The point was that the film is chock fulla insider jokes -- and not just about his plays, but also his life AND his contemporaries (First one to explain the kid with the rats gets a cookie). So if your date GETS the jokes and LAUGHS at the jokes, you've killed two birds with one stone. And I RARELY use clichés like that, so you KNOW I mean it.
: ]
Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at June 21, 2006 3:43 PM
Loved Shakespeare in Love as well. But am I totally in the "It's Cold... So Cold" territory for opting for Casablanca?? God help me, I just can't help it. I just love that movie..
Posted by: jvl at June 21, 2006 3:51 PM
Either I don't watch a movie on the third date, or every single date involves a movie. That's just how I roll. One of my tests is to bust out something incredibly crappy/cultish, and see if he can make with the witty quips. If not, buh-bye! And if anyone ever tried to make me watch anything starring Meg Ryan, I'd reach for my revolver.
Posted by: terebi at June 21, 2006 4:13 PM
I'd have to say that a comedy is the best way to go. And on that note...
Why not the Princess Bride? You have romance without the mush, (Grandpa, is this a kissing book?) action, adventure, evil, comedy, mostly dead people ... need I go on?
How can you possibly mention that movie in the same line as You've Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle, and When Harry Met Sally?
It's inconceivable!
You've made one of the world's classic blunders!
Posted by: Natalie at June 21, 2006 4:17 PM
A little advice for you men out there. Never force your girl to watch an Edward Norton movie. In particular, American History X.
If I hadn't been with him for over a year when he made me watch it...we wouldn't have stayed together...he loved it and it literally made me sick.
Posted by: lala at June 21, 2006 4:18 PM
What happens if a girl brings Donnie Darko?
I don't think it's really a horror movie anyway.
Posted by: S. at June 21, 2006 4:20 PM
If he can enjoy the dark humor that is Freeway...I'll love him forever.
Posted by: amb at June 21, 2006 4:21 PM
Sorry, I have to continue...
Bland????
The Princess Bride is bland????
How did that one slip by all the posters here?
Posted by: Natalie at June 21, 2006 4:22 PM
My movie? Shaun of the Dead. If any guy suggested that, it would be over. In a good way, of course.
Posted by: em at June 21, 2006 4:26 PM
Hard Boiled with Chow Yun Fat. Perfect blend of comedy and action. Our fouth anniversary is next month.
Posted by: sharck at June 21, 2006 4:29 PM
When the kid with the rats reveals himself as little Johnny Webster, I thrash about howling. Every single time.
I'd like chocolate chip, please.
Posted by: Kate at June 21, 2006 4:34 PM
I noticed there was no mention of the Monte Python movies. I'm a sucker for "Holy Grail", always was.
If we are speaking of Shakespear, the diCaprio/ Danes version of "Romeo and Juliet" would be ok, if not just a bit hokey. Maybe a later date, but I would appreciate a guy who brought that. Another option, but not Shakespear: "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead". A bit hi-brow, but I love it.
Totally agree on the Merchant Ivory. I love them, but I'm not going to make a guy sit through them.
For foriegn I would give a huge thumbs up for Kung Fu Hustle. Great 3rd date flick and something I would bring.
Posted by: Giovanna at June 21, 2006 4:39 PM
Natalie, your first comment about the Princess Bride totally cracked me up. Nice use of ridculous movie dialog in a completely relevant way!
That movie really does have some of the most quotable quotes.
I would be interested to know what people think of The Big Lebowski as a date movie... I guess it gives off more of a 'hanging out with your bud' kind of vibe, but to me in falls in the category of a comedy that your date either gets or doesn't. And if they don't... Well come on, how can you NOT like The Big Lebowski?!
Posted by: Karina at June 21, 2006 4:53 PM
Is there a 12-step program out there for a lady who would bring the tri-fecta of comedy --"Holy Grail," "Blazing Saddles," and "Young Frankenstein??"
And if it's a drama you need, "One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest." Hands down, best movie ever made.
Wake up gentlemen...It's time for your medicine.
Posted by: PPong at June 21, 2006 5:04 PM
Hapy birthday...keep up the great work! "Say Anything" our great date movie...17 years later we still love it!
Posted by: Amy at June 21, 2006 5:11 PM
Peridote:
If a girl brings the horror movies, it means that she wants to get laid, but is too drowned in back issues of Cosmo to sack up and just say so. Or she just really likes horror movies, but in that case it would likely be classics - first Nightmare on Elm St, etc. Maybe The Ring. But none of the recent, Hills Have Eyes crap.
Posted by: elizabells at June 21, 2006 5:33 PM
What about old school film noir? "Out of the Past," "Murder, My Sweet" anyone?
That's class, right there. On the part of either person.
Posted by: Justin at June 21, 2006 5:39 PM
Karina --
Big Lebowski is a great movie, but it takes a little time to get used to. I was indifferent the first time... loved it the second (third... twentieth) time. Not sure how well it'd play on an early date.
Any thoughts on Before Sunrise? I'd see it as a good fifth-date movie. Potentially third. Damnit... if a girl doesn't love that movie, I can't date her. I'm not sure if that make me pretentious...
Posted by: Scott at June 21, 2006 5:40 PM
Early on in a relationship, my date insisted that we watch "Leaving Las Vegas" because he was a recovering alcoholic, and 'I wouldn't be able to understand him until I saw that movie.'
I was NEVER able to understand him, but his "Leaving Las Vegas" date movie choice should have sent me screaming for the hills!
Posted by: Thea at June 21, 2006 5:41 PM
Giovanna...
It mystifies me how a person who obviously has decent-if-not-excellent taste in movies can be unable to spell Monty Python or
Shakespeare correctly--especially since you claim to be a fan of both.
I'd have thought it was a typo, but you did it twice. Are you ESL by any chance?
Posted by: Jerce at June 21, 2006 5:48 PM
Doesn't anyone else think that Lloyd Dobbler was a li'l bit of a stalker? He just needed it too damn much. Ick.
Yes, Brian, the Buffy seasons are delightfully long which is why homework may be assigned.
Posted by: tknocks at June 21, 2006 5:48 PM
Oh, I almost forgot: 12 Monkeys and/or Brazil. We are talking about third-date movies, after all--making sure the bozo on the couch next to you is long-term material.
Posted by: Jerce at June 21, 2006 5:50 PM
Well it definitely does take a certain type to make it through a Linklater film. I think Before Sunrise is a good pick though.
Posted by: Karina at June 21, 2006 6:51 PM
Hello... J and E Coen Movies???? Best of all Raising Arizona. Blood Simple. great. Black funny, intelligent. A thinking girls sexy.
Posted by: beth at June 21, 2006 6:54 PM
How about 1st season DVD of Arrested Development? Give me some Top Banana, Bringing Up Buster, and Pier Pressure.
Posted by: bestevez at June 21, 2006 7:26 PM
Dead-on. Every. Single. One. I fell in love to Say Anything and High Fidelity, and your comments about both Andersons are brilliant. Almost Famous is the best movie I've ever watched with a girl. Well, that or The Apartment. OK, like I said, absolutely dead-on.
Posted by: Ben at June 21, 2006 7:48 PM
Good call on Annie Hall!
Posted by: Suzanne at June 21, 2006 7:49 PM
tknocks, could you just marry me now?
Posted by: eric the saint at June 21, 2006 7:58 PM
I am surprised no one has mentioned Christopher Guest movies (This Is Spinal Tap, Best In Show, Waiting For Guffman, A MIghty Wind). The first two I listed are probably your best bets for a date, with Best In Show as the best overall in my opinion (I am in my early twenties and can't relate well to the age of 80s hair bands), and if the guy responds by getting the jokes and laughing, I would generally assume him to be decent boyfriend material.
Also, my most recent third date (been dating the guy for a while) featured the movie Clue. We were both sufficiently geeky to really get a kick out of it (who else would love a cinematic farce based on a board game and starring Tim Curry????). So, if you're a geek, and you think you've found a compatible fellow-geek, don't be afraid to unite in geekiness. Show you're not afraid to show who you are and that you will except them for all their weirdness too. It's a beautiful thing.
Posted by: Catherine at June 21, 2006 8:07 PM
What happens if a girl brings a horror movie to the third date?
Posted by: Samantha at June 21, 2006 8:19 PM
Speaking fo the Cohen Brothers, what about Intolerable Cruelty? Their only romantic comedy, great flick....really cynical though (lawyer and a gold digger), could be taken as a bad sign.
Posted by: Justin at June 21, 2006 8:33 PM
Now, I am all for the Cusack. I love me some Cusack. (John or Joan, both are awesome.) But if I guy brings Say Anything, I assume the guy is trying to look sweet and sensitive. It's trying too hard. So many other good Cusack flicks (Grosse Point Blank) to choose from, it seems a bit suspect.
Posted by: TWoP fan at June 21, 2006 8:44 PM
scott - i love Before Sunrise. for a man to bring that movie means he's just about the perfect blend of indie and romantic without being emo. well done there!
Posted by: jenny at June 21, 2006 10:10 PM
Our first date, he fell asleep at the IMAX movie we were watching. But it was cool, because it was a boring museum movie about mummies that didn't even leave a curse on you, and he'd been awake 24 hours straight. Then we went to the Holocaust museum.
Our second date, we watched Schindler's List, and it was awesome and sad because of the aforementioned date.
Third and fourth dates were Sling Blade and The Color Purple. He loved them.
So I married him.
Posted by: A Marine's Wife at June 21, 2006 11:08 PM
Sign me up to defend Princess Bride. I was a little smitten with you before this one, Dustin. But you insulted my favourite. Prepare to suffer my scorn.
And kudos to the Brazil/12 Monkeys suggestion. Way to weed out the unworthy.
Posted by: Jessica at June 21, 2006 11:09 PM
Catherine -- an interesting thing you said about Clue. For some reason, it seems to be a favorite with every gay man I encounter, so I actually tried watching it on cable earlier this evening ... and was sorely disappointed. To me, it just seems like an inferior remake of Murder By Death. If you like Clue, and you haven't seen MBD, you and your fella should really check it out.
Posted by: Tim at June 21, 2006 11:30 PM
re Casablanca- it's a sad movie in some ways, a lovely movie in others, but the wit and humor that's laced through the whole thing is unbelievable. I once suggested watching it to a guy I was dating (he moved away and I couldn't handle the LD thing) He was afraid at first but once we started watching it he loved the dialogue. We both laughed at the same spots. Ultimately it ended up being something we talked about for months afterward.
Why doesn't anyone write movies like that anymore? What happened to subtlety?
Posted by: Sarah at June 21, 2006 11:32 PM
Big fan of Princess Bride and Casablanca and When Harry Met Sally - also Monty Python and Airplane and sooo many other movies..
What if the girl (that would be me) shows up bearing the Lethal Weapon series? Followed by Casablanca, of course..
Posted by: Kat at June 21, 2006 11:48 PM
Anything you would say about the personality who would pop in 1978's Superman? Cause I hope to marry a girl like that.
Posted by: Ken Hart at June 22, 2006 12:22 AM
Sarah, et al... (the Casablanca crowd)
It's just about as close as you can come to a perfect movie. Tight, quick-witted, stirring... I love it.
And it's good to check if your date gets goosebumps when the patrons join in with "La Marseillaise". In my mind, that's a good sign.
Hell... I get them just thinking about that scene... where's my DVD?
"He's just like any other man, only more so."
Posted by: scott at June 22, 2006 12:45 AM
On the "disastrous" front, I have to say that upsetting documentaries are the perfect way to go if you hope to ruin your relationship's odds. An ex and I watched "Tarnation," Jonathan Caouette's doc about his mother's mental illness, on our third date. Needless to say, we didn't last three months.
That said, the first dude to bring me a good, unpretentious, watchable documentary (maybe "Hell House") on a third date wins the Golden Ticket. And I bet that's true for a lot of women as well. Shows some reading-up but doesn't reek of trying too hard.
But oh, bestevez... if he brought "Arrested Development"... oy gevalt.
Posted by: Sam G at June 22, 2006 1:22 AM
Harold and Maude Harold and Maude
But I wouldn't be put off by foreign/"intellectual" films. If my boy put in Vivre sa Vie I'd be his forever. But maybe that's the film student mentality coming through.
Also, if he ever showed up with an Edward D. Wood Jr. film, PER-FECT.
Posted by: Nana at June 22, 2006 1:57 AM
My (current) test movies: Closer and Lost in Translation.
I don't know why, but somehow a person's reaction to these two movies will say a lot about that person, and how they view relationships and parners in general.
For instance, the guy who thinks that LIT was a shitty movie just because Bill Murrey and Scarlett Johannson never slept together will be much more concerned with the physical side of the relationship to the point of ignoring everything else.
Posted by: stefani at June 22, 2006 2:10 AM
Fight Club. On our third date, my now husband popped Fight Club in the DVD player. I was mildly intrigued, slightly concerned and throughly aroused...the sex was incredible and a year later we're married.
Posted by: Megan at June 22, 2006 2:23 AM
i agree with the coen for this choice. the third date is the time to find out what shes like unless shes hot and you just wanna tap that thang.
one movie never mentioned but the genre was(film noir) the third man. if a woman cannot understand the greatness of the line by orson welles about the medicis and the swiss then i dont want to have my child to have half her genes
Posted by: jc at June 22, 2006 4:15 AM
Third date: INSOMNIA and a bottle of red wine.
The Norwegian original, of course.
Then we trashed the American version on the fourth date, including a detailed discussion concerning the different ways that the cinematographers used light to indicate a descent into madness. I know, I know, embarassing. But here's the clincher - Dustin, you hit the nail on the head - he did indeed talk me into an open relationship (okay, it didn't take much arm-twisting). We've been together over 2 years, enjoy the occasional threesome, and still love to tear apart american remakes of foreign films. What can I say, two weirdos found one another...
Posted by: sleepless-in-the-city at June 22, 2006 5:00 AM
This might be dating me, but what about Truly, Madly, Deeply?
Posted by: ecp at June 22, 2006 8:00 AM
I have to admit that I can't imagine watching the Princess Bride, Airplane!, et al, on a third date. If the purpose is to create an impression, why bring something that college freshmen watch every year as a sort of rite of passage? The comments on the Big Lebowski are dead on - if he's not already a fan, he's going to be perplexed for a few hours, but perhaps if you're lucky, the next day he realize what a gem he's got in a gal who'll laugh uproariously at a line like, "THE BUMS ALWAYS LOSE!" My vote: Gross Pointe Blank or Shaun of the Dead. If he doesn't get those, he doesn't need to be my boyfriend.
Posted by: Kitty X at June 22, 2006 8:41 AM
I also agree that The Big Lebowski makes a great "test" movie. Ditto to Colin Firth movies being reserved for GNIs.
I really can't think of a good third date movie; all the stuff I really like I'd reserve for three months into the relationship, like Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Maybe The Name of the Rose would work?
Posted by: echansensei at June 22, 2006 8:59 AM
Well, interestingly enough, a guy I've just started seeing is coming over tonight, and he's bringing the movie. I'm interested to see what it's going to be now, especially having just read this list! My money's on something geeky.
Posted by: franni at June 22, 2006 10:13 AM
Hey, Galaxy Quest was the clincher for my now husband and I on our 3rd day. Fantasy becoming reality, isn't that what a 3rd date is all about? Besides, it was hillarious.
Posted by: javdo at June 22, 2006 10:22 AM
I must also take issue with putting "When Harry Met Sally" in the same category as "Sleepless in Seattle." "WHMS" is far superior to the typical romantic comedy (though it has its hackneyed moments, to be sure) - Billy C. and Meg R. were charming and funny. For once. When they're having an argument and Billy C. says "Can I say something?" and then hugs Meg and says he's sorry? Misty. Every damn time.
That said, perception is reality - the choice to rent that movie reveals far more about your date than the movie's merit. I'd be wary of the choice.
Posted by: Samantha T at June 22, 2006 10:55 AM
I'd like to quibble with the "No Ed Norton for girls" recommendation. AHX is a great movie, and if you can't handle a little bloody violence, you're going to miss out on a ton of interesting movie experiences. Also, he has an amazing roster of movies from which to pick.
Posted by: kate g at June 22, 2006 11:19 AM
You missed the cult flick category. What am I saying when I put in Army Of Darkness?
Posted by: Tim at June 22, 2006 12:02 PM
I am compiling what I am sure is an amazing list of movies to see based on everyone's recommendations.
I would like to add a few light movies that are probably safe choices and good for chillin':
Next Stop Wonderland,
Still Breathing,
A Cool Dry Place.
A little more whimsical would be:
Woman on Top.
More daring:
B. Monkey (amazing jazz music, I wish I could get the soundtrack.)
Scifi/Fantasy:
Willow,
Legend,
Labrynth.
The reason that my husband thinks that I am "oozing with awesomeness" is a movie that has no romance:
The Boondock Saints. By far, it is one of the best unknown movies out there, IMHO. I like it for its educational value, it teaches you the full diversity of the word "fuck", as well as the formula used in most movie action scenes, and the basics of math (6 bullets do not kill 9 people) and that is just in one scene. Even if you disagree with all my other movie choices, Watch This Movie.
Posted by: Lickoriche at June 22, 2006 12:12 PM
Jerse. Nope, just a crappy speller.
Posted by: Giovanna at June 22, 2006 1:06 PM
The Princess Bride is so very much not a cliche... it's an immediate bond.
And I have to argue with the placement of Edward Scissorhands as well - but only because I love the movie so much that I can't believe it was lumped alongside the horrors that are Titanic and Legends of the Fall.
But Almost Famous? Spot on! That was my first-ever-meeting topic of conversation. Cue a handover of the soundtrack and a third-date viewing - four years on and we're still uncool together.
Posted by: Fran at June 22, 2006 1:20 PM
I got two things to say:
1. Before I met my wife, I dated a really incredible woman, and on the fourth date (the third date was supposed to be dinner and a movie, but it turned into fucking followed by ordering a pizza) I brought over one of MY favorite movies - Reservoir Dogs.
Good fucking LORD that was the biggest mistake of my dating life. She was utterly horrified by that movie. We ended up arguing about it for THREE HOURS after which she slept on my couch, and I slept in the boundless expanse of my lonely bed. I made her coffee, she drank it silently, she left without a word. And THAT was THAT.
2. I like Merchant/Ivory films, and I'm not a fag. My wife thinks they're a little boring, but I like them. We've been married almost 8 years. Oh, and she's never seen, nor wants to see, Reservoir Dogs.
That's all I got.
Posted by: Big Daddy at June 22, 2006 1:22 PM
all through college I'd present The Usual Suspects as my favorite movie
like.putty.in.my.hands
Posted by: alicia at June 22, 2006 1:29 PM
Young Frankenstein is one of the best barometer movies out there. If someone can't laugh at that one, it's over, whether its date 3 or 300.
Posted by: Pete at June 22, 2006 1:30 PM
Tim, if you put in Army of Darkness, I'd assume you were asking what the lady wanted for breakfast the next morning, cause you'd be guaranteed company for the night!
And re: Clue. Perhaps you have to grow up watching it. I think I've seen it no less than 500 times. Murder by Death is great too of course, but there's nothing that tops Madeline Kahn and the "flames, on the side of my face..." monologue.
Posted by: MG at June 22, 2006 2:20 PM
Just popping in to say that this advice seems reasonable enough...unless you and your date are both hopeless geeks (as I and my boyfriend are) in which case it all goes out the window. My idea of a perfect date night is the latest Pixar film and a sushi dinner spent discussing the relative merits of 2D and 3d animation.
Posted by: Alison at June 22, 2006 2:21 PM
As a teenager I took my date to the drive-in (to see the movie, we were good kids) and saw the R-rated re-release of A Clockwork Orange and Deliverance. I thought she would never speak to me again. We just celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary. She has grown to appreciate Kubrick and we have never mentioned Deliverance since.
Posted by: Dan at June 22, 2006 3:00 PM
I watched The Princess Bride as a third date movie, once (it lasted two years, mostly nice). I think the problem is that it's too universally popular: I love it, and at least 75% of my dates will, too, so it's a bad indication of character.
What about a good Western, or other older action movie? They're sort of out of favor these days, but I'd go for someone bearing a Leone movie, or The Great Escape, but maybe that's just me. Wilder's always a good bet, and I might try some Buster Keaton, too: a lot of people have never seen any of his stuff, but he's still really funny and appealing decades later, with good but not overwhelming romantic subplots and lots of fun acrobatics. Anyone bringing Rushmore would pretty much automatically win.
Posted by: Erica at June 22, 2006 3:11 PM
Tim,as to 'Army of Darkness',it was the first movie-watching date we had(but not the first date) and my husband and I will have been together six years this July. He'd never seen it before but loved it,much to my relief.
The only other movies I can recall us watching together while dating were 'Pee-Wee's Big Adventure' and the first 'X-Men' movie,so perhaps we're just weirdos.
Posted by: jules at June 22, 2006 3:35 PM
I was on a second date with a nice enough guy who decided to bring a single rose and a BOOTLEG copy of The Crow. (This was prior to offering to give me the photo of his hero - Mike Tyson - (pre-ear biting & facial tattooing) he carried in his wallet.) Now, I admit that have terrible taste in movies as evidenced by the fact that I saw 8 of 10 of Pajiba's Worst Blockbusters in the theater & own most of them on DVD, but nothing says "Very nice to meet you, please lose my number" like a VHS copy of a bad movie filmed from a seat in the theater.
Oh, and javdo, Galaxy Quest = Brilliant and would endear me forever to the man to suggests it as a date movie.
Posted by: k at June 22, 2006 4:29 PM
eric the saint, maybe. Clearly, you do not fancy yourself Lloyd D, but be prepared to watch The Ref every xmas.
Posted by: tknocks at June 22, 2006 5:03 PM
Taking a chance and looking for a sign from above, I decided to let my girlfriend pick our third date movie. Guess what she picked?
Fletch. No lie, she picked Fletch. And that's not all. She didn't go rent the movie - no, no, no - she actually owns it!
Yep, I ended up marrying her.
I win.
Posted by: Greg at June 22, 2006 5:25 PM
wow. i tried to read all the comments before leaving my own, but there just isn't time. that's writing, that's good writing, when you elicit this kind of response.
incidentally, my comment was going to be: i don't know if you're an incredibly insightful student of humanity, or just exactly like me, but i dug every word of this post. sitting alone in my office, pointing at the screen and going "yes!", and then looking around to see if anybody saw.
Posted by: abbey road at June 22, 2006 5:31 PM
I've used "True Romance" on more then one occasion. In fact an entire date was built around that movie because one of our first conversations was about it. Between the violence, comedy, and infamous Christopher Walken/Dennis Hopper scene it's a pretty damn good barometer.
Posted by: Rob at June 22, 2006 6:14 PM
What about sports movies? Bull Durham?
Posted by: slouch at June 22, 2006 6:31 PM
greg, you've found yourself a winner! glad you had half a brain to scoop her up and marry her.
well done!
Posted by: slouch at June 22, 2006 6:38 PM
greg, you've found yourself a winner!
well done!
Posted by: slouch at June 22, 2006 6:39 PM
Is it just me, or is Gladiator another great 3rd date movie: epic, completely overwrought, and totally awesome. I definately ended up performing felatio about 6 minutes after the closing credits. But maybe that's a unique experience. Ahem.
Posted by: Martina at June 22, 2006 8:50 PM
Titus??
Somebody up thread suggested Titus w/Hopkins?
Yeah.
I suppose the bowl of steaming entrails, (about five minutes in), just cut out of Jessica Lange's son, would do just the trick.
That said, great flick to look at- it's up there with The Conformist for production design/ cinematography.
Posted by: JaB at June 22, 2006 9:04 PM
My go-to movie is Annie Hall. I've brought it to more dates than I care to admit.
The quickest third date movie test: Eraserhead. If your date manages to watch the entire film without running from your apartment in terror, you have a keeper. Only recommended for people who don't have much time for courtship. Also, sure to prevent a fourth date, 9 out of 10 times.
Posted by: Mat Leonard at June 22, 2006 9:27 PM
I usually go with So I Married an Axe Murderer. I just love that movie.
Posted by: sara at June 22, 2006 9:28 PM
I think my boy and I went with True Romance. I...don't know what that means.
Posted by: L at June 22, 2006 10:13 PM
On my third date with my (now) fiance we watched Star Wars Episode 2, followed by the original Superman movie. I think it was a mutual test to see if our levels of geekdom matched.
Posted by: Lia at June 22, 2006 10:57 PM
Pajiba should have a match-maker movie list, where people get together for screenings (if geographically possible).
Posted by: JB at June 22, 2006 11:45 PM
I'm down with the no crowd for Almost Famous...
Depending how I'm feeling:
Lineup a: Big Lebowski, Best in Show, Take the Money & Run -or-
Lineup b: Shark Attack 3:Megalodon, Pirahna, Cabin Boy
Then again I've been married for 8 years to a woman who's enjoyed all 6 of those nuerous times. Lucky me! (Why does she hate Cabin Boy?)
Posted by: seth at June 23, 2006 1:33 AM
I'm a married lady, and have been for a few years now, but I remember my third date with my husband perfectly. I brought this
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0052846/
Yes. Giant Gila Monster.
I've always sort of wondered what that says about me.
Posted by: Shannen at June 23, 2006 2:27 AM
My third-date choice: The Usual Suspects. He countered with Kieslowski's "Bleu".
Seven marvelous married years and two kids later we're still wondering what the other will bring home from Blockbuster.
Posted by: Trisha Johnson at June 23, 2006 8:21 AM
Somebody up thread suggested Titus w/Hopkins?
That was me. Here's my reason: Whenever somebody starts yammering on about what a genius Shakespeare was, my husband enjoys deflating the hyperbole by bringing up Titus Andronicus. It is a valuable object lesson--it proves that even history's greatest storytelling genius occasionally squeezed out a massive, steaming turd (probably for a paycheck).
The movie is visually fascinating, and sometimes it's a wonder Hopkins and Lange can manage their lines with their mouths so full of scenery.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, Titus is like MST3K for English majors.
Posted by: Jerce at June 23, 2006 9:16 AM
The third date movie that woud melt my hart(and quite possibly lead to some degree of undressing)? True romance. Yes, its not for the tender of hart but man has that movie got it all. Of course in the real world the last third date movie I saw was The exorsism of Emily Rose, thats a dealbreaker.
Posted by: Mira at June 23, 2006 9:22 AM
Battlestar Galactica on DVD, all the way. If he crinkles his nose at "Starbuck is a girl", we are done. Or at least, I'll be seriously considering if I am interested in keeping this relationship up. Cusack movies - trying to hard. Almost Famous - eh. Braveheart - are you fucking nuts? Princess Bride - come on, the eighties are OVER. Adam Sandler + booze (or post booze) - sure, why the hell not, he just gets better with liquor. Titanic - puke. I am leaving before he puts it in. Ditto for anything at all with DiCaprio or Hugh Grant. I think I am alergic. Armageddon, yes, but only if I am allowed to make fun of it. Usual Suspects - Yes! We have a winner. Ditto for Galaxy Quest. Nice and easy. Please leave Reservoir Dogs and Schindler's list for later, slightly less romantic occasions. Lost in Translation - can I marry you?
Posted by: Nadia at June 23, 2006 9:26 AM
I had an odd one for a fourth-date movie (the first one where we stayed in at my place): Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Volume 1. On HER recommendation. And she was a Poli-Sci major and one of the most frighteningly intelligent people I know. We're still together over a year later. Sometimes cheap and unrelenting hilarity is best.
Posted by: The VZA at June 23, 2006 9:47 AM
Annie Hall is my perfect movie for any occasion, and I am 99% sure I'm not a wackjob. But I can replace AH with Manhattan at a moment's notice -- I just feel like my men need to appreciate my deep love for Woody Allen flicks.
True Romance - now there's a test movie. I've found I like people even more when I find out they love it. If your date doesn't mind serious Tarantino violence, he/she will not be able to deny that this movie is, in fact, wildly romantic. Two thumbs up.
Posted by: Katie at June 23, 2006 10:07 AM
Best hangover movie, Enter the Dragon.
Posted by: MRod at June 23, 2006 11:08 AM
The first movie my fiance and I saw together was Garden State (in the theatre). We loved it then, love it now. The first thing I remember popping in the DVD player was season one of The Office. He laughed as hard as I did, and we watched the whole first season that night. We're getting married in 16 days, and I forsee a long and happy life on the free-love freeway
"Gareth Keenan"
"Cock"
Posted by: redkitten at June 23, 2006 11:58 AM
For those who like foreign-ness as well as wit, I'd reccomend Cyrano de Bergerac. That is just a great movie. And anyway, I tend to prefer bad movies that I can watch with someone else and make fun of. I think it proves a lot if you can both completely pull apart a terrible movie, and its sure to establish some sort of bond. I myself deeply enjoyed Aaron Carter in 'Popstar' and 'Surf Ninjas' is not to be ignored. 'Frogs' is also funny but a bit lengthy. I've also found that I really, really enjoyed going on a third date once and seeing Final Destination 3, just because it was so damn funny, but also made me cringe once in a while. Props to the Harold & Maude selection, I'll never, ever get sick of that movie.
Posted by: AmethystCitrine at June 23, 2006 12:03 PM
There would be no fourth date if he brought out any of the following: Garden State (this movie is so annoying, my boyfriend and I made it only about half an hour in), any John Cusack movie (like Nadia said, the 80s are over and a guy pulling out these movies is trying too hard -- I might make an exception for High Fidelity though. MAYBE.), any Monty Python (I enjoy MP, but that early on in a relationship it seems like a red flag warning of years of listening to "Ni! Ni! Ni!" GOOD LORD, just kill me).
Shaun of the Dead would guarantee at least a few more dates. Even though I generally have a "no sex in the first month" rule (I know, I'm such a slut), if he brought out MST3K -- especially Space Mutiny -- I would be removing his pants almost immediately.
Posted by: YO Meg at June 23, 2006 12:15 PM
Not to keep harping on "Shaun of the Dead", but seriously, this movie has everything--drama, romance, comedy, great conversations about musical taste, relationship issues, friendship issues, Queen music, zombies, etc. You really cannot go wrong. Also, it helps me to figure out whether or not my date can understand British accents, which is kind of a must given my taste in movies (no, not all the Merchan-Ivory stuff, but eh, if Ralph Fiennes is in it, I can't say no).
Posted by: em at June 23, 2006 12:38 PM
Oh, Gawd, I had a date that brought over 'True Romance' (this is, of course, after we had watched 'The Philadelphia Story' and I thought he seemed pretty decent). Worst. Movie. EVER. Like porn, only not as funny.
Posted by: shyestviolet at June 23, 2006 12:42 PM
"Rushmore" was my third date movie, and my future husband LOOOOOVED it! Good advice, Dustin!
Posted by: Stacey at June 23, 2006 1:10 PM
You forgot John Cusack's best movie ever...
Better Off Dead
Posted by: MRod at June 23, 2006 1:10 PM
My husband and I, on one of our dates, got to watch Pleasantville alone in a movie theater. (Small town, middle of the day in a crappy mall movie theater.) I don't know if it was a third date or not, but the fact that we both adored it definitely helped.
I hate Young Frankenstein, he hates Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, but we got married anyway. :)
Posted by: Erin at June 23, 2006 1:39 PM
I gotta say, me and my boyfriend went to see garden state on our first date. And, since it ended up getting hyped by the 20something crowd, you can easily pick at it now. but really, seeing it for the first time it was the perfect third date movie.
And the "let's do this thing" movie.
Posted by: Linda at June 23, 2006 1:53 PM
Better Off Dead is a good one, though it might fall into the too cliched category.
Ken Hart, if I weren't happily married, I'd ask you to bring over '78 Superman right now. That's an awesome 3rd date pick. Well, at least for somebody in their 30's. Just geeky and nostalgic enough to be fun. I think I'll woo my husband with it tonight.
And I gotta side with the ixnay on the Almost Famous-ay crowd. Cameron Crowe is waaay to sentimental. If you're trying to woo a bad-ass or a cynic, please stay away from this or Before Sunrise. Your date will only scoff at it and hurt your feelings...
My husband and I have very different taste in movies (he would defend Almost Famous to the death) but we bonded over Jesus' Son.
Amazing post! Funny and spot-on. Thanks.
But I loooved this post.
Posted by: deiner at June 23, 2006 2:01 PM
Erin: I always forget about Pleasantville. But every now and then I'll come across it on cable, and I always watch; and every time I watch it I like it more. There are a lot of terrific performances in that film.
Posted by: Jerce at June 23, 2006 3:23 PM
Deiner...
As far as the "stay away from Cameron Crowe/Before Sunrise if you're trying to woo a badass/cynic"...
I think the whole idea is to use movies that'll test the person. If a person scoffs at a really well-done movie that you identify with, maybe that's not the person you want to woo.
Thus making the "it turns out bad" eventuality a sign...
Just my opinion. But then, I love those movies.
Posted by: scott Hines at June 23, 2006 3:48 PM
Cusack rules all.
Posted by: Mara at June 23, 2006 4:15 PM
stefani- I completely agree with your LIT comments. What kills me is that so many girls I know thought it was far too slow, and couldn't pick up on any of Bill Murray's comedic genius in that film.
I've actually opted for the first season of The West Wing on a third date since I am conviced there is no better season of TV in the realm of drama (although there is some great comedic writing). If a girl can't enjoy the West Wing, she probably is not for me. Also, and this is totally unrelated to 3rd dates, if she dislikes Scrubs, it's not happening.
To those recommending Brazil, I think you are insane. I love the film, the PoliSci nerd in me adores it, but my god I wouldn't hold it against some poor girl for not digging it.
Great article.
Posted by: Elon at June 23, 2006 4:54 PM
For our third date he chose to bring "Barfly" and "Saved". I made him watch "Memento" and "Sorority Boys". He pretended to laugh at the movie, and about 5 months later i found out he didn't actually like it, he was just being nice. it's been almost 2yrs now, and luckily we agree and almost every other movie!
Looking back, I totally would keep Memento, but maybe add a John Cusak film too.
Posted by: Cassandra at June 23, 2006 5:13 PM
Definitely second the suggestion of Brazil. I think I'm still a little in love with that boy...
Posted by: Iris at June 23, 2006 5:31 PM
Hmmm, the only movie I can remember seeing pre-marriage was "The Skulls". Not the best flick, but we've grown more refined in our movie tastes together. I recommend a lot of "Memento", "Pulp Fiction", "Fight Club" and any other movie that gets you to talk a lot during the first year of marriage.
Posted by: bebemiqui at June 23, 2006 6:15 PM
What about American Psycho, or Audition?
Best if you can start acting out the Huey Lewis scene... is that a raincoat?
HI-LAR-IOUS!
This is why I'm asexual.
Posted by: Lola at June 23, 2006 7:30 PM
I'm wondering. Movies like Dogma, I think that would be a good one. It says something about you and unless your date is a fundamentalist Chrstian, you can laugh.
Posted by: Camille at June 23, 2006 10:00 PM
Good test movies: Cusack movies, Kevin Smith movies, Bruce Campbell movies, Fight Club, Donnie Darko, Garden State, or assigning them Firefly or Buffy to watch if you like that stuff. I had an ex-boyfriend who hated almost all my favourite movies, needless to say he was a jerk and treated my horribly.
My current boyfriend and his friends tested me with Judge Dredd and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the first night we all hung out. I knew they were testing me, but enjoyed the movies anyway. :D
And after having no dates with my bf, a night of watching almost two seasons to Family Guy straight as well as Bubba Ho-Tep (another good test movie, you think?) decided for us it was kismet and we had a roll in the hay. Living together now. :D
Posted by: naive_charm at June 23, 2006 11:24 PM
Maybe not for a third date, but possibly for a fourth, is "Quills". It's funny in an intelligent sort of way, sexy in a goofy sort of way, it's got Kate Winslet looking hot and Joaquin Phoenix going mad, and it's about the Marquis de Sade, so you can look literary-yet-ironic. It'll weed out the close-minded and the fussy (it's *loosely* based on the Marquis' story--one has to be alright with creative license).
If you're a bit weird, but you've got it under control, and don't mind laughing at your own freak flag even as you raise it--it'll get that across.
Posted by: Vi at June 24, 2006 1:21 AM
Am I the only one that would bring both of the movies from the Major League series? Before you ask, yes, I am from Cleveland.
Posted by: steve at June 24, 2006 2:56 AM
The perfect third date movie can be summed up in one word: Frankenhooker. It's got super crack. It's got exploding hookers. Remote-controlled lawnmowers. And a mad scientist who drills into his skull to get the creative juices flowing. And come on! The tagline is, "Want a date?"
Posted by: lizzbert at June 24, 2006 3:06 AM
Did anyone see Dream with the Fishes? Best third date movie ever.
Posted by: gwen at June 24, 2006 3:10 AM
I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS!!!!
Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at June 24, 2006 3:16 AM
This seems an odd, cliched sort of choice, but Napoleon Dynamite. I know that if a man I'm with enjoys that movie, I have nothing to offer him and he nothing to offer me. If opinions on that movie vary, there isn't any hope. Of course, the same is true of Crash.
Posted by: Alice at June 24, 2006 5:26 AM
From personal experience, Army of Darkness is a good one. Very good:)
Word to the wise--Braveheart could be okay for a third date, but don't try it on Valentine's Day! My sweet, idiotic boyfriend thought it would be romantic-- I think he was kind of taken aback when I started crying halfway through. . .
Posted by: A.B. at June 24, 2006 12:10 PM
Dr. Strangelove or, if you really want to test her sense of humour, A Clockwork Orange. Choose Me and Diva are also fun. What if she brings The Wrong Trousers? Aren't the old Wallace and Grommit elevated above Pixar?
Thank you to the courageous souls who hated Almost Famous. To this day, I cringe whenever I see Kate Hudson. I would worry about early-onset dementia if someone brought this over.
Posted by: amyhalo at June 24, 2006 12:15 PM
Brokeback Mountain. Can anyone think of a stranger date movie. Yet, it's happening right now. You have to decide how to deal with that.
Posted by: A. H. Paschal at June 24, 2006 1:22 PM
On our third date we went to see Parenthood. It moved him in an odd way, and we have been together all this time, but we've never had children. Strange, that.
Oh, and I can attest to the writer's claims about Merchant and Ivory flicks on any of the first three dates. The man in question proposed, for our first date, going to see A Room With A View. Not a dealbreaker by any means--we laughed all through it and discovered we shared a lot of the same tastes in film, and we've kept in touch all these years, and he's been very happy with his partner, William, for the past ten of them.
Posted by: Genius Loci at June 24, 2006 4:03 PM
Steve --
There is nothing wrong with bringing the Major League movies, and I know women who would marry you for that.
But then, it helps to be Cleveland natives and Indians fans. Maybe not representative of the world at large.
"Oh my god, it's him. Crank it, Jerry!"
Posted by: scott at June 24, 2006 4:27 PM
Let's see, on our first date he took me to "King of Hearts." I absolutely loathed it. Second and third dates involved fireworks (4th of July celebrations), but other early movie dates included "The Erotic Adventures of Zorro" (I walked out very early) and various martial-arts flicks (this was when very few non-Asians went to see them).
We'll celebrate our 25th anniversary in a few days, but we still have trouble agreeing on a movie.
Posted by: JM at June 24, 2006 5:32 PM
The Royal Tenenbaums? No. A Thousand Times No.
If I want to know if they are for real, I use either 'Clue' or 'Wet Hot American Summer'.
Posted by: Thomas at June 24, 2006 10:25 PM
Our third date movie was "Caress of the Vampire 2:Teenage Foot Ghoul A-Go-Go." I don't know what that says about us, but we've been together 6 years.
Posted by: melissa at June 24, 2006 10:52 PM
I think your summary of "Almost Famous" was brilliant and dead on, and disagree completely that it is appreciated more by men.
Posted by: julie at June 24, 2006 11:34 PM
Love and Sex: John Favreau and Famke Janssen. Its a classic and when I can't find Swingers and don't feel like watching Best in Show, that's the third date fall back
Posted by: lawyergirl at June 24, 2006 11:42 PM
I'm sorry but I just don't think I could ever watch Casablanca with a date. It would only remind him that I am not, never have been, and never will be as beautiful as Ingrid Bergman. That movie can only lead to disappointment.
Oh, and if you're going the Shakespeare route, see Kenneth Branagh's Much Ado About Nothing. One can only pray that ones man is a Benedick
Posted by: kiki at June 25, 2006 1:30 AM
The last guy I dated, our third date found us watching "Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath Of The Dragon God". He was a gamer, and we both found it hilarious.
I still slept with him. Screw it. He was cute.
Posted by: gingerbemused at June 25, 2006 11:34 AM
Shallow Grave
Posted by: Sam at June 25, 2006 6:45 PM
"You Rush a Miracle Man, You Get Rotten Miracles: Conversely, if your potential girlfriend pops in Sleepless with Seattle"...
It's Sleepless IN Seattle, sorry if anyone else mentioned that, I only browsed through the comments section.
My vote goes to "Queen of the Damned" - not as long as Interview with a Vampire, romantic and violent at the same time, enjoyable 4 both guys and girls... My opinion (and my b/f's too...)
Posted by: irina at June 26, 2006 1:25 AM
"Did anyone see Dream with the Fishes? Best third date movie ever.
Posted by: gwen at June 24, 2006 03:10 AM"
I loved this movie--it made me realize that David Arquette is actually a decent actor, and it also made me wonder about the other actor in that movie. Whatever happened to him?
Posted by: em at June 26, 2006 11:02 AM
My husband and I went to see Fargo on our third date, and we've been together now 10 years. Big Lebbowski would have to be up there too, so I would reco any Coen bros movies - there's something for everyone!
I would also suggest William Shakespeare's Romeo and Julliet (sheepishly I admit to the Leonardo version), and what about Big Fish? I though that was wonderfully fun and romatic without being too "rushing to the alter-ish".
I don't know about Almost Famous as a date movie. Good movie, but two hours of "how cute is Kate Hudson?" is too much for any girl!
Posted by: scamper at June 26, 2006 3:49 PM
I made him take me to Brokeback Mountain at the cinema on our first date because I was skint and REALLY wanted to see it. Then I never called him because he kept trying to make out while we were in there (duh hello? Jake and Heath are slowly, beautifully, falling in love and you want me to miss it by kissing you?)
Posted by: kirstie at June 26, 2006 3:57 PM
I'd say third date definitely is Almost Famous territory...it's bittersweet, great music and has Billy Crudup announcing that he is a golden god...what else would you need for a third date? other two movies that are not necessarily third date but still are really great, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Punch Drunk Love, I'd say you'd be risking it on the third date, but at least you'd have something real to talk about...and yes, it might weed out the insipid idiots you sometimes get while dating...another is Waking Life...but don't get stoned before watching it, you'll end up making out and passed out eventually...
Posted by: Gina at June 26, 2006 4:46 PM
Almost Famous all the way, what an all-around incredible movie. Harold and Maude, so good it's almost holy.
My parents are obsessed with Bull Durham, they think they're Crash and Annie. I grew up listening to them reciting the dialogue to one another and talking about "the religion of baseball." So I'll always love that movie.
I used to make boyfriends in high school see Dead Poets Society as a test. I was obsessed with it for a good couple of years.
A real test, though, is Waking Life.
Finally, my cousin Amy was in Annie Hall. You know the fantasy sequence that has him back in third grade? She's the girl he tries to kiss who yells at him. No lie--Amy Levitan. You can look it up.
Posted by: dede at June 26, 2006 4:49 PM
Man, first time listener, first time caller. I gotta tell you my "Make or Break" third date movie: "Defending your Life." Clever and funny, this movie will let me know if she's got an open mind or if she's afraid of God.
Posted by: Robert at June 26, 2006 4:54 PM
Butbutbut...re Almost Famous, was no one else completely floored by the "Tiny Dancer" scene in which this movie that is supposed to be a love letter to rock music proceeds to start a goosebump-raising sing-along, and then promptly turn it over an fuck it in the ass by hacking the song to pieces??? It jumps from the verse to the chorus and dispenses with the bridge! How does this demonstrate a love of music? To me, this only proves that everyone involved with the movie is full of shit. I was kicked out of my reverie and couldn't get it back, and ended up hating the whole movie as a result.
So that would be a third-date test, I guess. If my boyfriend to be shouts "FINISH THE SONG!" and throws popcorn like I did, he's in.
Posted by: Stacey at June 26, 2006 5:55 PM
I'm sorry, but I need to counter the dig at Paul Thomas Anderson - I suppose you're right that he makes the type of movie that isn't for everyone, but goshdarnit, if a guy brought over a copy of Punch-Drunk Love I would belong to him. Forever.
And I would consider bringing the newest version of Pride & Prejudice... if a guy can actually stand it, or at least hate it politely, he's a keeper. I wouldn't be able to stay with someone who'd get bored that easily - but if he can appreciate the lovely cinematography and light dose of wit, he's obviously not your average guy.
I agree on The Princess Bride (maybe not a third-date movie, but don't hate on it!) and Edward Scissorhands being misplaced.
But um, yeah. Anything related to Pixar, Robert Rodriguez, or the Coen brothers, and he's out. Totally aiming at the wrong target there.
Posted by: Erica at June 26, 2006 7:39 PM
The Madness of King George. Had us talking all night. Oh, and some other things as well.
Posted by: bill at June 26, 2006 8:11 PM
This is one tough forum and that first movie will say alot, which I don't mind byt you don't want it to say too much, there's plenty of time for Evil Dead 2, Eternal Sunshine or The Dreamers and so there is no need to come off a nerd, a manic depressive or a pervert, well not right out of the gate!
At the same time you want something that is a good gague of their taste and character that also says I want to jump your bones but only after i've seduced you!
My Recomends:
Lost in Translation
The Motorcycle Diaries
LA Confidential
Garden State
My real test of a girl movies:
Before Sunrise - I LOVE having these conversations but it's not a third dater not in the real world - could lead to you over analysing a relationship on a third date - too intense too fast.
Spirited Away - Good test of a whimsical character that likes the fantastic and has a good moral core.
Rules of Attraction - If she laughs at alot of it, that's good, it's sick, but it's funny too.
Posted by: Conorhal at June 27, 2006 6:58 AM
"Leon"/"The Professional"
Heart-breaking performance by Nathalie Portman for her, tasteful gun battles for him, crisp Luc Besson direction and a tasty psycho Gary Oldman for both.
"Bring me everyone!"
Posted by: Dickie at June 27, 2006 7:00 AM
Happiness...
When he told me that he loved this movie, I knew I had found the weirdo for me.
I secretly loved it too, but kept it to myself when everyone else was horrified.
Posted by: chelsea at June 27, 2006 12:26 PM
Our 1/2 of a date, before our scheduled first date, we watched High Fidelity. Our actual first date was spent watching The DaVinci Code, and I was glad neither of us enjoyed it. We watched a whole season of Arrested Development on our second date, and went for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for our third date.
I don't really know what that says about us, but I do know that we have read all the Harry Potter books about ten times between the both of us, have played Duck Hunt and practised the banjo in intervals, and spent more than an hour playing BattPoke, a game where you shoot a little ball thing attached to a string and hit Pokemon figurines. Suffice to say, the word dorks must be somewhere in the description of what our movie choices mean.
Posted by: Marcela at June 28, 2006 12:13 AM
Harold and Maude? Shit, I think I just fell in love with YOU. Too bad we're both married.
God, I love that flick.
Posted by: Kathy at June 28, 2006 12:24 AM
I had to laugh with the "Shut-Up and Deal" category. My search would be over if I could find a guy who loves The Apartment as much as I do, much less one who's even heard of it. Sigh.
Posted by: Lex at June 28, 2006 12:27 AM
I had a first "date" that involved watching Sin City. Does that mean that one of us will die/he likes to kick ass/I'm actually a prostitute/all of the above?
Also, my boyfriend is a crazy Ace Ventura fan. It's getting hot in these rhinos...
Posted by: Alex at June 28, 2006 1:03 AM
Oh, So I Married an Axe Murderer! That one is brilliant, I think. But how about Waking Ned Devine? Or what if the girl brings Lord of the Rings, etc.?
Posted by: cargirl at June 28, 2006 2:23 AM
You say no Hitchcock, but my husband *slayed* me on our first date with his impressions of Cary Grant and James Mason in "North by Northwest." We watched the movie together shortly thereafter, and we've been together ever since.
Posted by: Aimee at June 28, 2006 11:45 AM
Annie Hall & When Harry Met Sally are 2 of my top 10.
Harold & Maude, I tried to like it, I really did, but I just can't.
If I could find someone who had even 5 of the same movies in their top 10 as me I would be in-love.
Posted by: Genevieve at June 28, 2006 3:20 PM
I will marry the man whose top 10 list looks somewhat like this.
A Clockwork Orange,
The Shining,
The Third Man,
The Bridge on the River Kwai,
The Guns of Navarone,
The 5 Deadly Venoms,
Harold and Maude,
Catch 22,
Cinema Paradiso,
Donnie Darko
and anything Wes Anderson.
Posted by: norma desmond at June 28, 2006 5:32 PM
Actually, most guys I know LOVE The Princess Bride ... many of them actual mocked me for thinking it was boring when I first saw it in the sixth grade. Several friends, male and female, talked me into seeing it again, and I loved it. And not because it's an ideal romance - because it's a PARODY. It may not be everyone's brand of humor, but most people I know think it's a hilarious spoof of stereotypical action romances set in times of pirates, kings, and chivalry. So I would place that more under the category of "learning their sense of humor" than "guys, she wants a romance you won't be able to provide."
Posted by: Claire at June 29, 2006 1:50 PM
what about foreign films? (ala Life is beautiful, the princess and the warrior, the motorcycle diaries, anything by hayao miyazaki) Or Like Amelie, which is arguably a chick flick, but I know alot of guys who insist they like it.
Posted by: jasper at June 29, 2006 4:17 PM
Any girl who brought Claire of the Moon, Kissing Jessica Stein or any similar "sensitive lesbian movie" wouldn't get a fourth day with me. Honey, you're here with me, another girl, and you don't have to prove your lesbian cred by trying to get me to watch crappy movies just because they're about lesbians.
On the other hand the fact that my current gf's DVD holder includes Galaxy Quest, several episodes of The Muppet Show, Dogma and yes, The Princess Bride, made it clear that we speak the same language. Galaxy Quest is the real winner there; if you're a Star Trek fan and you love that movie, that tells me that you're capable of laughing at your own geeky fannishness.
Speaking of which, while a mutual love of MST3K isn't exactly a deal breaker, my ex hated it and resented the time I spent watching it with my sister, and my current gf thinks it's just the thing to pop into the DVD player after she's had a crappy day. Add to that the fact that we think that playing the "pants game" while watching Equilibrium is perfect night at home and really, we're pretty damn good.
Posted by: telesilla at June 29, 2006 10:07 PM
I hope I can get this out before I gag on all of the coolness, but what about musical comedy??? I mean Almost Famous has music, and is sort of a comedy, but I'm talking Musical Comedy. Both...uh...participants have to really pull their nuts/ova up to undertake this sort of cinematic task together. I think you missed the obvious and I think you should know better. For shame.
Posted by: Sarah at June 30, 2006 4:36 AM
I am in total agreement with most of the comments, however I noticed that no one mentioned "Oh Brother Where Art Thou" while talking about the Choens. I think this is an awesome 3rd date movie, especially for an English/Theater major like me! A perfect balance between hi and low brow.
Posted by: lauryn at July 3, 2006 1:16 AM
Ha! Telesilla, ditto on that shit. All 'lesbian' movies except maybe 'Fucking Amal' and maybe maybe 'High Art', suck it. Quality not sexuality (exception if its a pr0n-night-out.)
My third date movie has to be lighthearted and funny enough and not requiring complete and utter attention enough, to have a conversation during the film about its plot, the characters, the dialogue, the set, etc. The film should be intended to open a dialogue with the other person, to talking about films and then beyond. This is a important step in the relationship where you are getting to know other persons backround. Will they just be fuckable, or will have some long-term possibility?
The foreign funny flicks-
Fong Sai Yuk I or II
Tillsammans
The familiar funny flicks-
Raising Arizona
Home for the Holidays (yes I loves me some Holly Hunter.)
The Apartment
Most anything with Katherine Hepburn- Bringing up Baby, Philedelphia Story, African Queen(fast witty dialogue is a turn on.)
Best in Show
Blazing Saddles
Yes, even maybe Ferris Buellers (remember the film is just supposed to encourage conversation.)
Catch-22
And my all time favorite, I pull out a little known gem of a comedy called 'Love and Other Catastrophes', an indie from Australia.
Yep, getting the lesbo lovin thru light and lens..
Posted by: filmchicka at July 4, 2006 2:27 AM
i enjoy watching movies with or without a company. i have liked so many movies from all kinds of genre. but for date movies (and these are actually my date-test movies), i'll *kill* to have a guy who appreciates before sunrise, before sunset and eternal sunshine of the spotless mind... cheesy and sappy maybe but meaningful conversations and comfortable silence plus the fact that you can laugh with each other and be amused over mundane things... wow! that'll be the best date...ever! i've met a guy who enjoyed these movies as much as i did ( and sadly, only few of them appreciates these type of movies 'cause there's no gunfights or violence of sorts). unfortch, i lost him in a long-distance thing...but my hopes are high that someday, i'll still meet a guy whose not afraid to be mushy. :)
Posted by: ava_adore at July 5, 2006 8:10 AM
So it's college, and we're on the third date, and he does the whole, "want to come over and watch a movie?" thing, and i want to make out with him, so i said yes. Here's the clincher: I had to pick a movie from HIS collection--pressure, right? With one choice I had to prove my coolness, set the scene for a good make-out, all while implicitly judging his movie selection.
I chose the first Matrix, for its sexual tension, power struggle implications, and sequences where cool shit blows up. Plus, its so well known you can ignore it for long stretches at a time and still know whats going on when you surface.
We made out when the ship crashed, and I won the title of coolest girlfriend ever. Seriously, he would tell it as an anecdote to his friends. Sexy geekdom, ladies. It's the coolest.
Posted by: oryx at July 5, 2006 3:35 PM
dazed & confused- excellent third date choice.
Posted by: kayla at July 6, 2006 12:31 PM
What about movies like moulin rouge? It IS a musical but it's not a very typical one, and although it's known as a very girl-y flick, I know quite a few guys who have enjoyed it.
And what about older movies? Like black-and-white Audrey Hepburns, or Cary Grants?
Posted by: jessica at July 6, 2006 10:03 PM
The Apartment would definitely seal the deal for me. But my ultimate date movie was His Girl Friday - sure, it didn't last with the guy I watched it with, but how are you not going to have a good time with a guy who finds it hilarious?
Posted by: Rosa at July 7, 2006 6:02 AM
once upon a time in mexico.
Posted by: dyl at July 7, 2006 12:07 PM
By far, my favorite article of yours to date! John Cusak is a clear winner, but some Hugh Grant flicks also fall into that type of "nice guy with a big heart" genre. I'd offer up The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill and Came Down a Mountain, for example. Also, don't forget Kevin Bacon's contribution to this genre, She's Having a Baby.
Posted by: Chrisa at July 7, 2006 2:42 PM
You have no idea how happy it made me to see Almost Famous at the end of this list; it's my favorite of all time, and unquestionably my third date movie. I even have the out-of-print (and excellent) "Untitled" version.
Posted by: Matt at July 10, 2006 12:02 PM
Oh, yeah, and just for the record, my later-date "test" movie is Waking Life, possibly soon to be replaced by A Scanner Darkly.
Posted by: Matt at July 10, 2006 12:10 PM
Hey, Katie, are you my ex or simply another woman with the same name and love for Annie and Manhattan? If you are, I still lurve you.
Posted by: Ian at July 10, 2006 4:20 PM
Good God, comments are STILL being added to this article?!
Dear Pajiba: Looks like you hit a really rich vein with this topic. Perhaps you should make it a permanent "column"--maybe put a permanent link at the top of the front page?
I've seen so many favorites here, been reminded of so many forgotten gems, and been intrigued by titles I've never seen--these comments are treasure for movie fans--let's preserve them and keep adding to them!
Posted by: Jerce at July 11, 2006 11:30 AM
Heh ava_adore:
Your right about the date movies - I too adore eternal sunshine, before sunset/sunrise, so you wanna get married?
but one of my all time favourite romantic movies was Roman Holiday --great date movie -audry hepburn & Gregory Peck -
btw great article -yes its weird how much our dvd collections/rentals are becoming like album collections of yore
Posted by: ahmed at July 15, 2006 3:47 PM
This'll probably speak volumes about the kind of mates I have and the kind of guy I am but what's the opinion on Apocalypse Now (the Redux)? I used it as a 4th date movie and the girl loved me for it...too bad she screwed me over with another guy about 4 months later. Oh well.
Posted by: C4 at July 17, 2006 10:53 AM
Hey Pajiba! Great site mate! I can't believe how long I've been reading the comments. I'm not done yet, and when I'm done writing this, I'm going back up to read the rest of them--I left off at: "greg: you've found yourself a winner"--anyhow, here is my commnet:
I went on my 3rd date last night, and by accident we watched Mission Impossible 3. The girl was absolutely excited, and so was I. There are definitely better options, but it was quite not bad at all. You know, Tom Cruise on a mission to rescue his wife risking his life jumping from buildings and a scene where they get married at the hospital right? Also, shots of Italy; he goes all the way to Shanghai for her; and then, he ends up dying only to be brought back to life by her when he's lying on her lap. So far so good! I liked the scene when her friends are meeting him, and how he is acting very cool to win their trust. Is quite Tom Cruise's style, and I digg that...Only one problem: my girl is foreign. She speaks perfect English, but she is from Japan--although she's here for already five years. After the movie, which we watched at the movie theater, I wanted to kiss her, and you know, get somewhat intimate--we haven't done nothing yet. When I drove her to her car, I talked softly and wanted her to stay inside the car, but she gets out saying good night, and then when I was going to go for the kiss--out by the vehicle--she kind of got nervous, and made me nervous to the point of not been able to go for the kiss man! I got really frustrated, but didn't want her to be uncomfortable, so I decided to give her more time. What's your take on this? What should I have done or do next time? Will there be a 4rth date or opportunity?
Posted by: raf at July 20, 2006 4:11 AM
Okay, some B movies that make my list:
- Saving Grace: British woman's husband leaves her broke and she starts growing pot to make cash
- Drop Dead Gorgeous: mockumentary about Minnesota beauty pagent contestants killing each other? Gold.
- Nobody's Baby: it's an odd little one, but gary oldham is fabulous, and it's not as cliched as you'd think, given that two ex-cons find an orphaned baby.
But the real test is whether he'll stay with me once I reveal my habit of watching almost all my DVDs with the subtitles on. What? I have lousy hearing, okay? It's better than constantly saying, "Wait, what did he say?"
Posted by: Lilah at July 20, 2006 11:57 PM
The ultimate test movie: "Crash." If she finds it even the least bit profound or enlightening, we're through.
But if I weren't trying to trick her, I'd probably go with "Punch-Drunk Love," "Lost in Translation," or "Eternal Sunshine."
Posted by: Tim at July 25, 2006 3:01 AM
Tim, I'm pretty sure that makes me your dream woman. "Crash" is totally my test movie, too, as I find that the people who talk about how "profound" it is are pretty much always people who have a desperate need to convince other people that they're REALLY REALLY SMART AND DEEP.
Give me a straight guy who loved Brokeback Mountain and we're talking 3 kids and picket fences.
Posted by: Molly at July 26, 2006 6:21 AM
Gentlemen, present her with "Don Juan Demarco" w/ Johnny Depp. It'll make her horny, but she won't think you're trying to make her horny. She'll simply think you're a sweet, romantic man. Thank me later.
Posted by: shot of love at July 29, 2006 7:19 PM
I absolutely looove Quills, although I don't know if I would present this as a third date movie. But any guy who would suggest it, I'd probably be in love with.
Posted by: jena at August 2, 2006 5:53 PM
Am I the only female in America who doesn't go weak at Say Anything? I mean, I love me some Cusack, but I hate that movie, and I found him way more romantic in Grosse Point Blank.
And please, The Princess Bride is way too brilliant to be lumped in with the schmaltz as you did. But what would Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle say about me? Or Chasing Amy?
A quick list off the top of my head, of what I'd want to see or be shown on a third date:
His Girl Friday
Roman Holiday
Lost in Translation
Garden State
Eternal Sunshine
Closer
It's a Wonderful Life
Four Weddings and a Funeral
A Room With a View
The Princess Bride
Moonstruck
True Romance
Tin Cup
Posted by: maggiebex at August 3, 2006 5:27 PM
What does it say about me that I would pop in the 1978 "Superman"? (Well, other than the fact that I like Superman.) A guy already asked this earlier, but 1. I'm asking from the POV of a girl and 2. no one really answered.
Interesting entry, by the way - I second the person who said you should make this a permanent column.
Posted by: Joanne at August 4, 2006 3:01 AM
Tim, which "Crash" you show her makes a lot of difference. If she likes the Cronenberg, she may not be your future wife, but I'd strongly suggest that you take her for a drive after the movie.
Posted by: Chris at August 4, 2006 8:23 AM
I couldn't agree more, Molly
Posted by: Amanda at August 10, 2006 1:31 AM
The real, undeniable test is: will s/he watch a black and white film? Film noir, comedy (yay His Girl Friday), melodrama. Practically anything, except most of Frank Capra's crispy crap.
You'll be surprised with how many whiney bastards you will weed out. They won't even watch anything "old", meaning anything made more than ten years ago.
Jumping with excitement that someone agrees with:
Truly, Madly, Deeply -- ordinarily I don't like weepy guys, but I'd be comfortable with anyone who cried buckets at this. Why? Because the tears are earned; there isn't a false or sentimental moment from beginning to end.
Insomnia (original version with Stellan Skarsgard): one of the greatest films of the 20th century, and will one day be recognized as such. To clarify why this is so, compare it to the Christopher Nolan's version. It's good, but...well, you'll see. It's the difference between a Stradivarius and a ukele. What, you want to argue the point with me? Or not? Either way, I love you for watching it.
Posted by: Janis at August 10, 2006 5:46 AM
man, i hate how right you are. i was a harold and maude, my (now) husband countered with high fidelity, and saved the thin red line until way later. fabulous subject for pajiba- as the zillion other comments on this page may suggest.
Posted by: brooke at August 11, 2006 3:42 PM
If a girl brought anything Mamet, I'd get down on my knees before the movie started. A good tester for me would be Drumline. Don't laugh just yet. If she instantly denies it, I know she's too cynical and negative. If she is excited to see it because she hasn't yet, she might be an idiot. If she agrees reluctantly, but is very surprised by how much she likes it at the end, then things are looking good. It can show me a lot of different things.
norma desmond, your inclusion of the 5 Deadly Venoms shows me that you're for real.
Molly, I'm now having fantasies about emailing you.
I'll marry you both.
Posted by: jessecoombs at August 13, 2006 11:59 AM
My test movie is probably Chinatown. Sense of humor is usually pretty obvious to me without the aid of a movie, so I like to see how they handle the gritty.
Posted by: sabra at August 15, 2006 12:24 AM
Oh, yeah, and I know it's Polanski, and you said that's a no go...but it's not overly intellectual Polanski.
Posted by: sabra at August 15, 2006 12:43 AM
I will give my approval as third date films, and to any woman who had the smarts to bring them, those films already mentioned; Princess Bride, Shaun of the Dead, Big Lewbowski, Lost in Translation, True Romance. To that guy who sat through Fletch, and then married her ... I am speechless.
If I may I pose the question, why has no one mentioned Groundhog Day? One more possibility, if you can still find it, Hollywood Shuffle.
Posted by: fergus at August 23, 2006 10:36 AM
kariana
Posted by: roberto arruda martins at August 30, 2006 4:04 PM
Caddyshack.
"License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote."
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Posted by: gumball machine at September 1, 2006 3:28 PM
Coming to America. I can barely talk to people who don't love this movie, let alone date them.
Posted by: fusskins at September 6, 2006 2:01 PM
Four Rooms makes a great barometer, if a girl can't appreciate that movie, she definitely isn't right for me. However, it is a somewhat risky move as it might alienate her, and end the date prematurely, which isn't necessarily a bad thing if we're going for long-term potential.
Josie and the Pussycats is a great choice, you can learn a lot about someone by their reaction to that movie. If a girl refuses to see it, I know she isn't open-minded enough for me. If a girl watches it and doesn't like it, I know her sense of humor is not similar enough to mine. If she watches and likes it for the wrong reasons, it means bad things also. She has to appreciate it for the irony and satire, not because of the music and teeny-bopper trappings.
Other good choices include: Donnie Darko, Office Space, Rushmore, Nurse Betty, Pump Up The Volume or Heathers (Maybe a double feature!), Waking Life; or, if you're feeling adventurous, Natural Born Killers, True Romance, Frailty, or A History of Violence. Nothing like a bit of (artistic) violence to weed out squeemish people.
Posted by: crispy at September 11, 2006 1:41 PM
My ex and I on our third date saw "Monty Python and the Holy Grail." (He brought the movie) I would have thought this was a great third date flick. It was witty and fun and we both laughed at the same time and cuddled halfway through. We broke up after 2 years together...almost got engaged. So, the moral of my story is if he pops in said movie expect to have a long relationship, but after a couple of years, give or take, a break-up is inevitable. British Comedies are tricky. They lull you in with a false sense of security and hit you sideways when you probably should have been looking.
Posted by: carrie at September 17, 2006 2:56 AM
3rd Date movie - This is Spinal Tap.
The film during which she blurted out 'I love you' 4 months later however was Annie Hall.
God I love movies.
GREAT call on The Apartment though.
Posted by: Paul at September 28, 2006 8:23 AM
ACH! NO CRONENBURG FOR DATES! NIEMALS! Videodrome?! Oh, no... and Crash made me feel like I'd done speed with a line of weak coke, ruined the evening with it's WASPish idea of kinky sex. By comparison Blade Runner was much more effective, although liebenstodt motifs are a bit much (Sorry, I like Harold and Maude for other reasons - mostly the age difference that occurs in your head as you see your partner grow old).
Dead Ringers also, no good sex will come of that film...
I was surprised that NO ONE mentions Amelie after the It's Cold, So Cold segment = and did no one else see MORVERN CALLER? Ah well, I can't recommend it outside of the Kaufman/Anderson fold.
A History of Violence is not the phrase to bring into third dates, either. Nobody will want to "go for a coffee", neh?
One question: What does any Terry Gillam flick say on a third date? Think Brazil, Time Bandits, Fear and Loathing - is this getting to Lynch territory or somewhere else?
John Cusack works for me and the wife, anything before Serendipity - and the Grifters tears us up inside (Angelica is so good in that!). I bought Say Anything for third Xmas, kind of a grand third date, hmm?
You are so kind to read this far.
Pajiba Jetzt!
DW
Posted by: Damien Walder at October 22, 2006 12:12 PM
My all-time favorite date movie, no matter if it's the 3rd of the 10th is Garden State.
A kick ass soundtrack, great acting and a compelling not overly mushy love story.
Posted by: hayley at October 25, 2006 5:50 PM
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Posted by: Juliya girl at December 4, 2006 4:32 PM
I did "Garden State" on a first date. Got me to first base (during the movie, which she found dull), never saw her again afterwards.
Two weeks later, other girl, "Finding Neverland". Did zilch in the couch, kept my distance, just be nice. Snatched her on the second date, and now still together. Recently, she commented how very disappointed she was I didn't try anything during our first date.
In retrospect, I should've made a move, why else would she claim to hate Johnny Depp just before the movie started. It's amazing how women put up with us. We're actual idiots.
Posted by: Jeff K at December 18, 2006 2:33 PM
Right on with Braveheart.. But I have to disagree with the comment about "The Crow" (with Brandon Lee). That movie had it all, sex, death, love, violence and the whole "true love never dies" thing.
Posted by: Ericalex at December 26, 2006 5:42 PM
Finally made my way through the comments, this one just took on a life of it's own now didn't it... No wonder, it's a great piece of movie oriented writing, and a lot of fun, so thanks:) Me and my boyfriend went for "Snakes on a plane" for our forth date. We had a hilarious time, and I think we both we're relived to see our sick sence of humor was something shared, not frowned upon. Still going strong, been through Casablanca, Office Space, True Romance and lot's more by now, and I'm a very happy girl:)
Posted by: Miramuffin at January 4, 2007 12:51 AM
I like this list. Maybe "What Women Want" would be a better first date movie than third date movie, but you can consider it.
I know this is off-topic and not sure if someone has already added them, but this list reminds me of other good movies I like (not necessarily date movies):
"Planes, Trains, and Automobiles"
"Sling Blade"
"Star Wars"
"Mr. Holland's Opus"
"Forest Gump"
"Taxi Driver"
"Truman Show"
"The Game"
"Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"
"Time-out"
"Fog of War"
"Murderball"
"Dogtown and Z Boys"
"American Beauty"
"Groundhog Day"
"Carlito's Way"
"Crash"
"Cold Mountain"
"Capote"
"Good Night and Good Luck"
Posted by: Einstein at January 20, 2007 3:55 AM
Oh, another date movie. What about
"English Patient"?
Posted by: Einstein at January 20, 2007 4:00 AM
well played. however you failed to mention one important third date genre: the foreign film. usually presented by the psuedo-intellectual with a bottle of cheap wine (always red), the foreign film can mean one of two things. a) i am a master of intellect. watch and see how deep, thoughtful, and worldly my choice makes me seem and bask in the shade of my greatness, or b) i'm hoping you get sick of reading the subtitles, yes the futon IS the bed, now where did i put that rubber?
if you're lucky, the wine is actually good.
Posted by: been there at January 21, 2007 2:11 AM
Wow- definitely stay away from Polanski. You don't want to conjure up 'rape' with home movie viewing..
Then again I lost 'it' to Wild at Heart so what can I say? It was 'hotter than Georgia asphalt'. Nine and 1/2 weeks does the trick too.
Gladiator and Braveheart are too 'testosterony'- Mel Gibson is a no go and quite a lot of women (myself included) don't like Russell Crowe that much, especially with incest overtones.
Nobody has mentioned Oh Brother Where Art Thou? Good test movie(Odyssey references), Funny, George Clooney is neutral sexy and the music is kind of fun.
Blubbering Masses- Cinema Paradiso, Field of Dreams and, for me, Stealing Home although I love them all.
If you want to bore him/her into sex (over watching the snorefest) Brazil with it's endless endings and/or English Patient would do it.
That's me two cents- AOK
Posted by: AOK at January 24, 2007 1:21 PM
The "Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!" section was right on. For a first date, I was taken to the remake of "The Longest Yard." There was no second date. Guys, take note.
Posted by: bonnie at January 25, 2007 12:57 AM
I'm a gal who suggested "The Matrix" -- in the theater, on opening night -- for a first date. Perhaps I'm not representative of most women (although it did show that we were right for each other -- we've been married for over five years now).
In any event, if a guy brought over "...say anything" I would roll my eyes and think that he was trying to look sensative to get laid. The movie's great in its time, and I love both John Cusack and Lili Taylor loads, but for a guy to bring it to a date r