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Zooey Deschanel: You Say Adork-able, I Say One Pot Of Boiling Water Away From Cooking Your Pets-able

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (44)



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We’ve spent a lot of time writing about SOPA/PIPA the past couple days. And rightly so. A) We care. B) We here at Pajiba are too pretty and sensitive for prison. (Except, let’s be honest, TK, who will thrive there.) Although the source of this particular bit of SOPA news is unreliable (Nikki “I Just Make Sh*t Up” Finke), I do not doubt that several Hollywood power players are pissed at Obama for his anti-SOPA stance. That they’re expressing their displeasure by withdrawing money from his campaign surprises me even less. (Deadline)

Speaking of Hollywood and patriotism, Mark Wahlberg seems to think that, given the chance, he could have stopped the terrorists on 9/11. Really, Marky? I saw that movie where the angry trees (angry…trees) had you on the run. I’m not impressed. (Evil Beet)

You want a real Hollywood badass? Try Clint Eastwood on for size. Read about how, when he was only 21, Clint braved shark-infested waters to survive a plane crash. (The Scuttlefish)

I’m not sure we covered this bit of news on Pajiba yet, but you may have heard by now that, in an O. Henry-esque twist of fate, butter advocate Paula Deen has been diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. (For Anthony Bordain’s vitriolic reaction, click here.) Now, while I knew Paula Deen’s reputation, I had never actually taken a look at her recipes. Here are seven that may make you drop dead on the spot. (ScreenJunkies)

Listen, adults, no matter what Daniel Radcliffe says, it’s okay to love “Harry Potter.” It’s just not okay to love Harry Potter. Here’s someone who’s taken it Pottermania a tidge too far. (The Offbeat Home)

I don’t know how you will feel about this Calvin and Hobbes/Spider-man mash up, but I, personally, am choosing to fantasize about Topher Grace being my imaginary childhood friend. Mmmmmmm. (Unreality)

When it all gets to be too much, my wee little misanthropes, here are 10 icy and impenetrable snow fortresses where you can wallow in solitude…and frosty beers! (Nerd Approved)

Have you ever wondered about the etymology behind “cool” “hip” and “groovy”? Well wonder no longer. Also, look, M.C. Skat Kat! (Mental Floss)

Our very own book maven, mswas, sent me this incredible footage from a “Quantum Leap” convention. So many questions! First of all, what were NPH and Jason Priestley doing there? Oh boy. (io9)
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Speaking of shows about history (shut up, “Quantum Leap” is educational!), historian Simon Schama has slammed ITV’s “Downton Abbey” for its historical inaccuracies. Oh, silly Schama, we don’t watch for the history, we watch for the dead naked Turks. While I will agree that there is a lot poppycock in the show (and I don’t particularly like creator Julian Fellowes’ politics), Schama makes out like it’s “Jersey Shore.” Also? He slams Americans. NOT COOL. (BBC)

Because we Americans have enough of our own sh*tty TV to keep us entertained, thank you very much. For instance, the super dumb, super pretty “Hart Of Dixie” which Dustin watches because he has a crush on Rachel Bilson. After this stupid but cute rap video, you may too. Plus! A soaking wet Jason Street! (Warming Glow)

Speaking of cute brunettes, I had a revelation while watching The Golden Globes. I’m really pretty certain, guys, that Zooey Deschanel is completely batsh*t. There was a scary scary glint in her eyes I’d never noticed before. Is she a darling little pin-up? Yes. (GossipCenter) Would she murder something you love if you scorned her? My sources say…”Adorkapositively.” (Vulture)

Speaking of cute, murderous things, here’s a mash-up of Home Alone and We Need To Talk About Kevin. Macaulay is, without a doubt, the scariest Culkin.









Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance



"Put Your Bodies Upon the Gears and Upon the Wheels": Martin Luther King and SOPA/PIPA | That Time Mark Wahlberg Almost Treated Terrorism Like Reese Witherspoon's Dad, and Other Stupid Things Famous People Say









Comments

I slammed an American once. It just kind of laid there with a confused look wondering what this northern Adonis was doing. When I explained to it that this is what slamming is supposed to be like it indicated that it understood and informed me that it would never slam an American again. Mostly because of the Canadian herpes.

Posted by: admin at January 19, 2012 1:38 PM

*Oh BRRRRRRRRRROOOTHER*

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 19, 2012 1:44 PM

She licenses a damn fine roasting pan with rack though. I'll always give her her due for that.

Don't roast no soggy chicken, people. Get a rack!

Posted by: Jay at January 19, 2012 1:47 PM

Oh my, I'm a book maven! Momma Was would be proud.

Posted by: mswas at January 19, 2012 2:02 PM

The Snape really pulls that room together.

So maybe I don't want a Snape room, but I am kind of jealous of the amount of disposable income available to so thoroughly create one's vision.

So maybe I don't want a Snape room, but you gotta commend the rather sterling decorating effort.

So maybe I don't want a Snape room, but I would love a house built into a hill with a round door like Bilbo's. Off to the Googles. You know it's out there all lovingly recreated and geekified within an inch of its plastered life.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 19, 2012 2:04 PM

Anthony Bourdain is my unofficial hero.

Posted by: Protoguy at January 19, 2012 2:08 PM

I fail to see how Snarky Mark would have managed to foil the highjacking. Does Al-Quaeda have a particular weakness for confused looks from a meathead? Or for kitschy "rap" hits from the early 90's? Was he going to beat them with his prosthetic cock?

Even if he could take them out - when did you learn to fly a gorramed airliner, MARK?

Congratulations - you've finally managed to make Donnie seem like the smart one.

Posted by: Bert at January 19, 2012 2:09 PM

Rachel Bilson is uber-aborable. I really wish she would do something worth watching so I could see more of her.

Anthony Bourdain's wife is cute as well. Plus she is Italian and can put up with a pajiba-like person such as Bourdain. Not that us pajiban's are extra hard to put up with. We just aren't always compatible with normal folks. And that's their fault just as much as ours.

Is it weirder that I noticed this is a slightly hyphen-laydened post or that I used them in the first place?

Posted by: Dave at January 19, 2012 2:24 PM

There's nothing wrong with watching a show because of a crush.

WKRP in Cincinnati: Jan Smithers
Northern Exposure: Janine Turner
X-Files: Gillian Anderson
Gilmore Girls: Alexis Bledel (shut up)
Veronica Mars: Kristen Bell
Californication: the steady parade of hotties that parade through the show just to get naked and have sex with Duchovny
The Naked Truth: Tea' Leoni
Buffy: SMG
Angel: Amy Acker

So many more to name....

Posted by: John W at January 19, 2012 2:26 PM

The Naked Truth: Tea' Leoni

*ahem* Flying Blind


In fairness, a couple hours later, Mr. Wahlberg did say "Uh, I just fucked up, right?"

Posted by: Jay at January 19, 2012 2:29 PM

If only he could publicly feel that way about the time he blinded someone in one eye for a case of beer.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 19, 2012 2:33 PM

So maybe I don't want a Snape room, but I am kind of jealous of the amount of disposable income available to so thoroughly create one's vision.

That's pretty much what I was thinking, Mrs. J. Well, that and someday I hope to have an extra room that I can go batshit-crazy decorating.

I can't stop laughing at the fact that Paula Deen named her burger monstrosity the "Lady's Brunch Burger." The fact that she has diabetes might be the least surprising thing I've heard today.

I think the most surprising thing I learned today would be that "Hart of Dixie" is still on the air.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at January 19, 2012 2:33 PM

So in today's breaking news:

Hollywood Moguls Prove They're Just as Shallow and Self-Absorbed as We Always Suspected

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 19, 2012 2:41 PM

Re: Calvin and Hobbes/Spider-man mash-up: see also "Peter and Uncle Ben" (which looks like it might be co-authored/drawn by the same guy), and by a different pair, "Joker and Lex". So nice to see C&H fanart that captures the kinetic feel of the original.

Posted by: jerg at January 19, 2012 2:42 PM

Posted by: Three-nineteen at January 19, 2012 2:52 PM

One Pot Of Boiling Water Away From Cooking Your Pets-able

Aren't we all, though?

Um. Never mind.

Posted by: TK at January 19, 2012 2:55 PM

You and Mrs. TK really shouldn't have installed that stove top faucet, should you?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 19, 2012 3:07 PM

Whaddaya know. I'm a hep cat after all. Groovy.

And really? That was the worst you could find from Tony on Paula Deen? That was almost complimentary for him. This from the guy that taught us ways to "make that fuzzy little Emeril your bitch".

Posted by: NateS1973 at January 19, 2012 3:17 PM

Not Yo' Mama's Banana Pudding is the best and most likely to kill dessert. http://www.pauladeen.com/recipes/recipe_view/not_yo_mamas_banana_pudding/

Posted by: anikitty at January 19, 2012 3:18 PM

I don't have a single problem with what Simon Schama said:

Is Downton Abbey historically inaccurate, probably. Is Mad Men 100% historically accurate?

Do Americans like British things, given our obsession with the royal wedding, recycling British shows, and the fact that every British period piece gets nominated for an Oscar, I would say yup

Are all the plotlines recycled from old shows like Upsatirs, Downstairs? Are all the plotlines from Grey's Anatomy recycled from ER and Chicago Hope, that were recyled from St Elswhere, that were recycled from General Hospital? Yup.

Heck name me one cop/lawyer/doctor show that doesn't have recycled plotlines.

Posted by: John W at January 19, 2012 3:21 PM

I've eaten a piece of Gooey Butter Cake from Paula Deen's restaurant Lady and Sons once. It was so good, so incredibly amazing (and I don't say that off-handedly) that it would almost...ALMOST...be worth getting diabetes from eating it.

It was a buttery orgasm on a plate.

Posted by: ZombieNurse at January 19, 2012 3:22 PM

@Jay

I missed Flying Blind when it was on air, I may have been stationed overseas, but I've been on the lookout for a dvd release of it and Naked Truth.

Posted by: John W at January 19, 2012 3:24 PM

Buttery Orgasms is my new band name.

Posted by: admin at January 19, 2012 3:24 PM

I can't believe they left deep-fried mac n cheese off that Paula Deen list, but maybe they wanted to limit the deep-fried portion of the list.

The one truly amazing thing I saw a guest chef make on Paula Deen's show...a battered, deep-fried cupcake that had a truffle in the center, which got melty from the deep-frying. And then powdered sugar on top. Now, excessive, yes - but as a very special occasion treat that sounds *amazing*.

Posted by: Sara Tonin at January 19, 2012 3:32 PM

John W : Gilmore Girls: Alexis Bledel (shut up)

Lauren Graham. Jean-wearing hot mom next door. She was way hotter than Bledel and pretty much too sexy for the show.


And sorry peoples, but Paula Deen is how old? 65? It would have been a shock if she DIDN'T have diabetes.
~~~

Posted by: Meander at January 19, 2012 3:39 PM

John W - it's perfectly acceptable to admit that you also have a man-crush on Duchovny himself. It's a fairly common affliction.

Posted by: Bert at January 19, 2012 3:43 PM

"Buttery Orgasms?"

Wasn't that scene in Last Tango in Paris?

Posted by: The Wanderer at January 19, 2012 3:46 PM

Buttery Orgasms Cake from PaulaDeen.com

Cake:
1 18 1/4-ounce package yellow cake mix
1 egg
8 tablespoons butter, melted

Filling:
1 8-ounce package cream cheese, softened
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
8 tablespoons butter, melted
1 16-ounce box powdered sugar

Cake mix? CAKE MIX?! Bitch, please.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 19, 2012 3:52 PM

Cake mix? CAKE MIX?! Bitch, please.

Mrs. Julien has started to use epithets.

Em, that thing we all laughed about, you know, about the world ending in 2012? I'm beginning to suspect it's true. I'm pretty sure the 9th sign of the apocalypse is Mrs. Julien abandoning proper decorum.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 19, 2012 4:04 PM

Mrs. Julien said "Bitch, please!"

I love today!

Posted by: MM at January 19, 2012 4:08 PM

Fuck the "Hollywood moguls." One of the reasons I don't care about "illegal downloading" is because it takes money away from them. If it was stealing money from orphans or the homeless, that'd be one thing, but I'm not too worried that Rupert Murdoch might not be able to afford the latest model of Lear jet because of it. I consider it an asshole tax.

RE Deen: her voice is repellent (literally: I can't watch her show because of the way she talks) and her super-white hair and teeth creep me the fuck out. I don't really give a shit that she has diabetes and didn't tell anyone before now, anyone who didn't know her food was part of the "big fat American ass" problem is a goddam idiot. But Bourdain's comment was funny.

"And next, yawwwl, add 2 sticks of buuuter, and 3 cups of cream cheese ... and now a word from our sponsor, who wants yawwwl to know you can eat as much of my delicious, creamy food as you want thanks to the miracle of modern American medicine. Yawwwl."

Posted by: Slash at January 19, 2012 4:10 PM

Oh, jeez, you just reminded me. I watched that "2012" movie last night. Truly one of the most hilarious fucking things I've ever seen committed to film.

Let me get this straight: the earth is collapsing, but sea levels are rising? I switched back and forth between the movie and something else, so maybe I missed it when super-hot science guy (right) was explaining all this shit, but still ... I laughed out loud several times, it was so ridiculous. "Armageddon" looks like a documentary compared to "2012." I guess we're supposed to assume that at the end of the movie, the Africans don't mind when every white person on earth shows up in their giant luxury ships and "starts over" on their continent.

Posted by: Slash at January 19, 2012 4:15 PM

Bashing Zooey and Buffy in the same day?

There's only so much trolling I can take in one day, so shut your whore mouth!

Posted by: Brave Sir Robin at January 19, 2012 4:16 PM

Dearest Mrs. PaddyDog,

It was cake mix, Paddy. CAKE MIX! I am open to alternate sobriquets, but sometimes the only response to such nonsense is a rather forceful derogatory exclamation. I do so hope Jay-Z doesn't get angry with me for my continuing use of the banned epithet. It was le mot juste.

I offer my sincere apologies to any reader whose tender sensibilities have been offended by my wanton usage of pejorative language. My fainting couch is available should anyone feel overcome and require a period of prostration. Mind the antimacassars, they're freshly pressed.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Lysander Julien

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 19, 2012 4:25 PM

Buttery Orgasms is my new band name.

And my tribute band will be I Can't Believe It's Not Buttery Orgasms.

We'll sound like the real thing, but we both know it's fake.

Posted by: branded at January 19, 2012 5:14 PM

Please see these articles which document the amazing non-link between a high fat diet and Type 2 diabetes:

Posted by: Three-nineteen at January 19, 2012 2:52 PM

That's fat. What about the sugar content of a deep fried cheesecake?

Posted by: John G. at January 19, 2012 5:16 PM

Paula Deen has Diabetes? Not in the least surprised.

Zoey Deschanel has made a career with her eyes as Julia Roberts has with that nutjob smile.

Posted by: dinka at January 19, 2012 5:44 PM

Three-Nineteen: I'm usually in agreement with you, but look at the study conclusions:

A low-fat dietary pattern among generally healthy postmenopausal women showed no evidence of reducing diabetes risk after 8.1 years. Trends toward reduced incidence were greater with greater decreases in total fat intake and weight loss. Weight loss, rather than macronutrient composition, may be the dominant predictor of reduced risk of diabetes.

All this study shows is that if you are menopausal (read 50+ years of age) and generally healthy, your risk of diabetes doesn't change much with JUST a low-fat diet.
It doesn't address the overall effects of a lifetime of eating fatty foods, or the effects of eating fatty foods if you are not generally healthy (i.e., already overweight and risk factors for cardiovascular disease).
It stresses that weight loss is important for reducing diabetes risk, something you're not going to achieve on a high fat diet.
In fact, this study does nothing to de-link fatty foods with the overall risk of diabetes

I've seen this study bandied about everywhere by the processed food industry since it was published. Read the data people: don't let them interpret it to their own ends.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 19, 2012 6:41 PM

I've heard Buttery Orgasm's first single off their new album is "Not Tonight, I Have A Headache".

Posted by: E Lee at January 19, 2012 7:33 PM

do not want

Posted by: Protoguy at January 20, 2012 1:57 AM

Emily is the hot Deschanel.

I will brook no dissent.

Posted by: , at January 20, 2012 2:01 AM

One hasn't lived until they've tried Paula Dean's french toast casserole. With the praline topping and maple syrup. Worth every last calorie.

Posted by: Austin at January 20, 2012 2:12 AM

Emily is the hot Deschanel.

I will brook no dissent.

Posted by: , at January 20, 2012 2:01 AM

In the immortal words of Mrs. Julien: Bitch, please.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at January 20, 2012 6:07 AM

That sounds like dissent.

I am not brooking.

Posted by: , at January 21, 2012 1:43 AM