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You People Are The Sickest People We Know. . .and We Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (39)

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I missed you! Did you miss me? (Don’t answer that.) Well I know at least one of you missed me! Reader Carface was SUPER bummed at yesterday’s lack of a Word Cloud. Unless he/she/it was being sarcastic…dammit. Well I do have a Word Cloud today, and it’s comprised of your sick and twisted comments from last Friday. Here it is, in all its diseased splendor. I love you all.

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Speaking of our lovely readers, we’d like to send one Pajiban, Optimus Rhyme, warm hugs and copious praise for winning this year’s NCAA bracket. Oh, I ‘spose we should send praise to UConn as well. Is this the only time I will ever link to The Hartford Courant? Probably. (The Hartford Courant)

Last night’s showdown between Butler and UConn has put me in a combative mood. Let’s trip the light pugilistic through some notable fights, shall we? First up, some cat has started attending book signings and asking authors to insult him via inscription. The hilarious Amy Sedaris wins, even if she does have to use that banned Pajiba word to do so. The others are worth checking out as well. (Insulted By Authors)

Speaking of contentious authors, how adorable is this little Twitter fight between “Game of Thrones” author George R.R. Martin and “Lost” co-creator Damon Lindelof. Anyone who hash tags the word “salvo” is alright in my book. Also, I hate to say this, George Raymond Richard Martin, but John Ronald Reuel Tolkien called and he wants his trademark initialing back. (NY Mag)

I’ve seen some fantastic stuff over on Scott C.’s “Great Showdowns,” but this is my favorite by far. It’s from Mannequin aka one of Joanna’s Guiltiest Pleasures aka Kim Cattrall’s best role. (Great Showdowns)

My dislike for “Glee” has become so strong that I’ve taken a fancy to all of the bands that refuse to let Ryan Murphy license their music. So, um, Kings Of Leon, how you doin’? (Celebitchy)

One of my favorite Battle Royals (with Cheese) in the past decade is Tarantino’s Kill Bill epic. The New Beverly in L.A. screened one monster cut of the two films and here is the drool-making poster. A limited number of posters will be going on sale. Fetch me my Hattori Hanzō charge card! (Slash Film)

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But even a hand-crafted Japanese credit card has its limits, and I fear the £10,000 asking price for the original “OMG Kate Winslet Is Naked In Titanic And Can You Believe James Cameron Drew This And Wasn’t Avatar Bad?” drawing exceeds it. (Telegraph)

Ahhhh, I was distracted from the fighting theme by Kate’s sketchy rack. Apologies. Back to the fray. Let’s just say, for being involved in that idiotic Jake Gyllenhaal gay joke, Reba McEntire lost all of her Tremors cred. Well, almost all. It’s a lot of cred! (Kenneth in the 212)

Speaking of Tremors, I like big scary monster things, and I love charts, but I adore charts about big scary monster things. Check out the entire series of pop cultural charts here. Graboids! (Dan Meth)

Alright, we’re going to exit today’s Punch Drunk P. Love with some musical musings. I’m confused, if every song is Pachelbel’s Canon, how can every song also be “Earth Angel?”

I complain a lot about CGI and other FX because while some people praise their innovation, I think a reliance on computers is murdering some real genuine creativity. ‘Tis true, ‘tis true ‘tis pity, And pity ‘tis ‘tis true. The following video could have been made with computers, but isn’t it a thousand times cooler because its not?

Joanna Robinson wants you to know that if you click on that link about “big scary monster things,” you’ll learn that “gigantism happens.” I want that on a shirt. If you have a better shirt slogan email it here: godtopuswept@gmail.com or shout it to me on Twitter @quityourJRob









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Comments

Furst

Steven, that is.

Posted by: idiosynchronic at April 5, 2011 1:22 PM

AND I get to be insulted by Amy Sedaris next Monday when she's in town. Double win!

Posted by: idiosynchronic at April 5, 2011 1:28 PM

Why is Elle Driver on that poster twice?

Posted by: Lauren at April 5, 2011 1:30 PM

Okay, I have a question. I like Amy Sedaris. I like her writing. I think she's funny and can be devilishly clever. But I can't stand to hear her speak. I hate her voice. There seems to be a sub-culture among female satirists to cultivate these annoying little girl voices ( see also Sarah Vowell and everybody who does monologues for This American Life). Why?
Let's assume they were born with squeaky voices, there are elocution classes and techniques that one can use to sound a little more like someone who has gone through puberty. But they seem to push it in the opposite direction and it's just so off-putting. It grates on my ears. Does anyone else have this problem or is it just me?

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 5, 2011 1:47 PM

Tarantino’s Kill Bill epic. The New Beverly in L.A. screened one monster cut of the two films

Does this mean they're FINALLY going to goddamn release as one goddamn DVD? I only ask on account of how I've been waiting TEN GODDAMN YEARS for it.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at April 5, 2011 1:47 PM

Closet Mannequin fan here, although Kim's best role was Lt. Valeris, first Vulcan to graduate at the top of her class at Starfleet Academy and assigned to the starship USS Enterprise-A.

"did you say panties"

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 5, 2011 1:50 PM

I can't believe there's anyone who thinks the ending of Lost was a greater fuck-up than the ending of Battlestar Galactica.

Posted by: Todd at April 5, 2011 1:56 PM

Well that's a Cindy-baiting comment if ever I've read one. And, PaddyDog, I was passively watching Angel this morning (because I was up and it was on) and I kept muttering, "shut up, Fred, shut up shut up shut up" because of her baby voice. I hate her voice.

Posted by: coveredinbees at April 5, 2011 1:59 PM

Todd - have you met Cindy?

PaddyDog - That's one of the reasons I can't stand Kristin Chenoweth. That damn baby voice.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at April 5, 2011 2:03 PM

PaddyDog add Sarah Silverman to that list. Love her. Hate her girlish, high pitched, whiny voice.

Posted by: Scully at April 5, 2011 2:05 PM

We all had diseases,
And enjoyed the word play.
As we reveled in sickness
All that long, long Friday.

We talked about syndromes, scleroses and cysts.
We scoured Wikipedia to augment our lists.
No joke was too low, no reference to dark:
Black humour with tumours and typical snark,
Pustules and thetans, the whole PDR.
Ne'er did we worry that we went too far.

But one frequent writer, as she toiled away,
Wondered if PaddyDog was heard to say,
“What is all this bullshit? Fake immunologia?
It’s all wrong! I hate it! Where’s my apologia!”
To that all I say is, "We did it with style,
It allowed us an afternoon away to all while.”

Posted by: Suessism at April 5, 2011 2:07 PM

The Ice Cream Change is a common progression, but it doesn't count if you're just singing song lyrics along with the chords.

And by that I mean: THAT'S NOT HOW "EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE" GOES.

Axis of Awesome's "4 chord song" is also a good vid to look up.

Posted by: rockinrissac at April 5, 2011 2:08 PM

Does anyone else have this problem or is it just me?

I know of other people who feel like you. I give verrra tiny women a pass - Sedaris, Kristen Chenoweth, Vowell, my ex-wife (devil spawn she may be). Some gals just cannot do much to deepen their voices without sounding even more comical than their normal speaking voice.

Posted by: idiosynchronic at April 5, 2011 2:09 PM

Let us not forget the patron saint of annoying voices: Joey Lauren Adams.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 5, 2011 2:17 PM

Does anyone else have this problem or is it just me?

I'm not personally often offended by it (it doesn't bother me on Fred, as per bees' example), but it can be annoying. BUT, the main purpose of my comment is that there was a 30 Rock episode about this, n'est-ce pas? Some actress/comedienne who adopted this infantile-woman-with-enormous-tits persona, and Liz Lemon outed her, and it turned out she was hiding from her douchey ex or something. I thought it was ...odd.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at April 5, 2011 2:19 PM

Dear Seussism:

PaddyDog is touched by your shout out
To her role as Mrs. White Out
When corrections must be made
Especially in the medical trade
She found the whole thread most amusing
Her absence was not of her choosing
Alas her paying job did call
But she missed you one and all


Posted by: PaddyDog at April 5, 2011 2:20 PM

Oops, I forgot to @PaddyDog that.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at April 5, 2011 2:21 PM

Wow 'Suessism', very nice.

Posted by: OldSchool60 at April 5, 2011 2:22 PM

Also? Julie Benz. DAMNIT, WHEDON.

Posted by: coveredinbees at April 5, 2011 2:24 PM

You're right Von Beav. I had forgotten about that episode. The actor had a whole baby persona going. It must be a "thing" in comedy but it just turns me off. I have read all of Sarah Vowell's books but I can't sit through an interview with her.
I know comedy is a male-dominated field, but surely exaggerating a baby voice (assuming one had that voice to begin with) doesn't help.
I'm also not sure I buy the size argument. I know lots of women who are quite short and don't have a little girl voice.
Anyway, I'll let it go. I'm just glad to know it's not just me.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 5, 2011 2:26 PM

I know comedy is a male-dominated field, but surely exaggerating a baby voice (assuming one had that voice to begin with) doesn't help.

Unless you can turn it on its head like Maria Bamford.


Well I know at least one of you missed me! Reader Carface was SUPER bummed at yesterday’s lack of a Word Cloud.

It's just that etymeteorology is such a frustratingly inexact science.

Posted by: branded at April 5, 2011 2:33 PM

Why is Elle Driver on that poster twice?

And why does her patch switch eyes? Probably because Daryl Hannah is 73 flavors of crazy.

Posted by: Kballs at April 5, 2011 2:37 PM

Daryl Hannah is 73 flavors of crazy.

Speaking of annoying voices, Ms. Hannah wears her crazy on her cords.

I used to work for a non-profit housing organization and we had several tenants who had mental health issues. Those of us who dealt with them agreed that quite often you can HEAR the crazy.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 5, 2011 2:45 PM

This reminds me of the baby-voiced intern on Scrubs that Dr. Cox forbids from ever speaking around him. "You have a RIDICULOUS speaking voice."

A close friend of mine has a baby voice similar to Vowell's and she can't do anything to change it (she's tried). Unless I know that women are really choosing to speak that way I try not to judge.

Posted by: beckster at April 5, 2011 3:03 PM

were graboids bigger than the sarlacc?

Posted by: idleprimate at April 5, 2011 3:04 PM

Paddydog: Does anyone else have this problem or is it just me?

I can't stand it, either. I purposely tried to lower my voice when I was younger, so I would be taken more seriously by the men with who I worked. Now I talk low naturally, partly from practice, and partly from old age. I think it's sexier. I was going for the "Lauren Bacall" voice.

Posted by: BWeaves at April 5, 2011 3:14 PM

I don't have a little girl voice, but I do have a quiet voice on occasion and I can remember getting off the bus and calling out "Thank You" and thinking, "I sound 12!".

Mr. Lysander Julien sometimes claims I have a plummy accent - a plummy Canadian accent. Clearly he is insane as that concept is an oxymoron by which all oxymorons can be measured.


Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 5, 2011 3:23 PM

I was unimpressed with both Kill Bill movies. I'm even entirely sure why.

Posted by: Paultera at April 5, 2011 3:52 PM

*not* sure. Fuck. Can I go home and go back to bed?

Posted by: Paultera at April 5, 2011 3:55 PM

YES! Fly Paultera! Fly!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 5, 2011 3:56 PM

Yay, I'm free! Mrs. Julien, my boss might be calling you shortly to confirm permission.

Posted by: Paultera at April 5, 2011 4:06 PM

Never fear, Paultera! I have been deputized.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 5, 2011 4:08 PM

I'm a fairly wee lass and I definitely don't have a high, squeaky or baby voice. I'm not entirely sure I have a pleasant voice either, but it's not squeaky.

Yes, there are elocution classes and dialogue coaches and the like, and if you're in radio, you really need a good voice, but honestly, I'm not entirely sure these ladies can help it.

Posted by: MM at April 5, 2011 4:11 PM

I must respectfully disagree with the person who says Elle's eye patch switches eyes. It does look like that but she actually has a white eyepatch - that is when she was playing the nurse going to kill the Bride.. it was a white eyepatch with a red cross.

And I would love a DVD of both together - they were meant to be seen like that dammit!

Posted by: jmd at April 5, 2011 4:54 PM

Hank Green!!

I knew I loved ya Joanna.

Hs&Ks!

Posted by: grace b at April 5, 2011 9:19 PM

That forest xylophone video is amazing. Wow.

Posted by: Shibuyama at April 5, 2011 9:21 PM

I work in the same building as a woman whose voice is fifty times more annoying than any other woman I have ever heard. She's not small either - at least 5'6". It's her natural speaking voice.

I don't think most of the women mentioned here exaggerate their voice. There's a stand-up comedian who has a squeaky voice, and she uses a "normal" voice as an impression in her act. She says it actually hurts to do that impression.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at April 5, 2011 9:26 PM

kay, I have a question. I like Amy Sedaris. I like her writ
Let's assume they were born with squeaky voices, there are elocution classes and techniques that one can use to sound a little more like someone who has gone through puberty. But they seem to push it in the opposite direction a

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