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Would You Cheat On The World's Most Beautiful Actress? No Way, Right? What If She Were Okay With It?

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (46)

monica1.jpeg

Happy Wednesday, my little squidlings. I feel a terrible sympathy for Wednesday this week because it lacks the mathematical vim of Monday, the stabby historical significance of Tuesday, the drunken viridity of Thursday and the thank gaudiness of Friday. It’s just plain old Wednesday. You know, one of those days. Let’s buy Wednesday a shirt. (Woot)

You know what always makes me feel better, darling Wednesday? Talking about dinosaurs. In this clip a comedian argues with his audience over which is the best dinosaur and, in the process, velocicaptures my heart. Seriously, he loathes Jurassic Park, and I don’t care. That’s how great he is. He uses some salty language (especially at the beginning) so be warned. But he also says “unfurl those entrails.” So, you know, it’s worth it. (The Mary Sue)

Speaking of unfurling entrails, please join me in an irate ovation (in any shade of your choosing) for the Angry Black Lady as she eviscerates a Kansas rep who suggested his constituents shoot illegal immigrants from helicopters. You know, to keep the numbers down. Come to ABL for the sharp political discourse, stay for the “Carry On My Wayward Son” reference. (Angry Black Lady)

In other, “Smart Babes Are Hot News,” the new Wired magazine is the first to feature a female engineer on the cover. Well, cool, that only took eighteen years. (Evil Mad Scientist)

In “Italian Babes Are Hotter Than Your Average Babe” news, the drop dead gorgeous actress Monica Bellucci said in an interview that she does not expect fidelity from her husband (Black Swan’s Vincent Cassel), only respect, loyalty and elegance. He truly is the luckiest bastard in the world, no? (Celebitchy)

Speaking of EILFs (Europeans with whom I Would Like to elegantly Fornicate), Film Drunk has a new trailer for the X-Men film featuring extra footage and some sizzling Bacon. The bad news? It’s in Russian. The great news? “FAAASSSBENDER” needs no translation. (Film Drunk)

Terry Pratchett’s fantastic Discworld books are being turned into a television series. Specifically, and somewhat oddly, a Police (Watch) Procedural. I really don’t know who they will cast as Commander Vimes now that Pete Postlethwaite has passed away. (Bleeding Cool)

Also hopefully resting in peace is rapper Nate Dogg who passed away last night after a long history of health issues. (Evil Beet)

Take a gander at this well-done compilation of opening film titles that was shown at SXSW this week. They win all the points for including a snippet of the jaw-droppingly gorgeous The Fall. (The Curious Brain)

Also shown at SXSW was this fantastic fake Mario Bros. trailer. We’ve discussed this, right? How if Mario is their last name, then it’s Mario Mario and Luigi Mario and that’s an unfortunate thing to have on your kart driver’s license.

And, finally, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost have made a career out of making me jealous of their friendship. Here they are gadding about in a desert dressed in costume and bickering about Star Wars. Seriously, I just want to share a flat with them.

Joanna Robinson has a whole list of EILFs. If you have nominations to add to the list, send them to godtopuswept@gmail.com or follow her @quityourJRob. Also, comments were borked but now they’re not thanks to the mad genius of mswas.









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Comments

Massive love for that Pegg/Frost video!

Posted by: Carrie at March 16, 2011 1:09 PM

Really? Share a flat is all you want to do with Simon Pegg? I want to do other things...

Posted by: fenchurch at March 16, 2011 1:14 PM

As far as I'm concerned, Monica is the lucky one.

Now, I've got a call to make...

Posted by: Cindy at March 16, 2011 1:15 PM

It’s just plain old Wednesday...Let’s buy Wednesday a shirt.

Sure, I'd like a shirt. Something that would show off my boobs would work nicely.

Posted by: Wednesday at March 16, 2011 1:21 PM

There's way too many Nintendo based films these days but that one was brilliant.

Posted by: Paultera at March 16, 2011 1:23 PM

Cheat on Monica Bellucci? See, I'm the jealous S.O.B. who wouldn't want to cheat because then she would cheat on me.

Plus, she is too fucking hot to cheat on. Maybe she's a bitch? who knows...

Posted by: maka at March 16, 2011 1:24 PM

I'm gonna nominate Serge Pizzorno to your list....you can have him after I'm done with him...soooooooooo pretty.

Why wouldn't you want to tap this?

He can sing me any song he likes....okay, yea, I know I have an issue with grungy musicians...

Also did I mention how awesome a LW you are? Seriously JR you are doing a fabulous job. :)

Posted by: grace b at March 16, 2011 1:25 PM

Another great title sequence is the fake credits someone put up for a Good Omens movie. Really spectacular job (and not bad on the casting choices either).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OWYrEue9l8

Posted by: twig at March 16, 2011 1:33 PM

There are people who actually claim to be capable of deciding which dinosaur was the best? They can choose between the ankylosaurus and the stegosaurus? Not to mention the triceratops, tyrannosaurus rex, and plesiosaur? And I think the megalodon counts, too. Clearly, the whole argument is ridiculous.

Posted by: Todd at March 16, 2011 1:40 PM

Sure, that's the understanding for Cassel, but for the love of the Bellucci, WHAT IS THE RECIPROCAL AGREEMENT?!

Posted by: branded at March 16, 2011 1:51 PM

Ehhh, that smarmy, smug smear o' merde.

She could do so much better.

Schmuck.

Posted by: Jay at March 16, 2011 1:57 PM

I think Wednesday prefers plain black dresses to T-shirts...

Posted by: SocratesJohnson nee L4NkYb at March 16, 2011 2:02 PM

Sorry, but EILF will always stand for Emus I'd Like to Fuck (Bradley cooper) in my mind.

Posted by: Jadine at March 16, 2011 2:13 PM

twig Cillian Murphy, Paul Bettany, Christina Hendricks and Skarsgaard the Elder? They cast those Four Horsemen PERFECTLY. I couldn't ask for better. I may, however, ask for a five way. Total HILFs, amirite?

Posted by: coveredinbees at March 16, 2011 2:17 PM

"oh my gaudiness."

HA.

here's to you, mrs. robinson.

::clink::

Posted by: stopthemadness formerly and currently known as Angry Black Lady at March 16, 2011 2:30 PM

Cue the Spaced Star Wars rant:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUQfHRfX2o8

Posted by: Three-nineteen at March 16, 2011 2:31 PM

OK, here's what I am going to tell you right now: I LOVE the alligator necklace Bellucci is sporting in a couple of those photos of her and Cassel. LOVE IT. I don't think I will continue breathing unless I get my hands on that thing. Seriously, it's fantastic. FANTASTIC.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at March 16, 2011 2:39 PM

She doesn't expect fidelity, but does expect loyalty? Huh?

Posted by: Snuggiepants at March 16, 2011 2:55 PM

Thanks, mswas!

Posted by: Jay at March 16, 2011 2:59 PM

You mean the necklace, right Anna?

Doesn't matter.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 16, 2011 3:07 PM

Cassel has a particularly Gallic-looking smarminess. I'd wager that if he didn't have an arrangement with is wife, he'd be invoking an unofficial one: He looks like the kind of guy who would try to bang the bridesmaids at his own wedding.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 16, 2011 3:15 PM

He looks like the kind of guy who would try to bang the bridesmaids at his own wedding.

Note to self - apparently this is wrong.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at March 16, 2011 3:21 PM

Total HILFs, amirite?

Indeed.

Posted by: twig at March 16, 2011 3:25 PM

I *mostly* mean the necklace.

*Mostly*.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at March 16, 2011 3:32 PM

Skarsgaard the Elder

You mean

STELLAAAAAAAAN!!!

That's what I call him anyway.

Posted by: Jay at March 16, 2011 3:32 PM

It must be his brooding intensity, Mrs. Julien.

Posted by: Jay at March 16, 2011 3:34 PM

If she knows he's doing it and she allows it, can it still be called cheating? Doesn't "cheating" imply something underhand?

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 16, 2011 3:36 PM

I gotta stop looking at that fucker.

Posted by: Jay at March 16, 2011 3:38 PM

Prime Focus Productions, the people behind the upcoming Good Omens TV series...

Why haven't I heard of this before, and where will I be able to see it?

Posted by: Drake at March 16, 2011 3:44 PM

That's not at all the best picture of Cassell. if you haven't seen him in Crimson River, you haven't seen sexy Vincent Cassell at his best.

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 16, 2011 3:50 PM

I do understand the sexy. My husband would tell you I have a thing for vulpine men. Hell, I found Keemey attractive. I'm just saying Cassell looks like would be a total dog.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 16, 2011 3:58 PM

That's because Keemey was one psychotic hot piece.

Posted by: coveredinbees at March 16, 2011 4:01 PM

Wait, sorry, I thought we were talking about Keamy from "Lost." But now I see it's spelled differently so am unsure. So, to be clear, Keamy (aka Kevin Durand) and I are into each other. He's adoooooorable in my most favorite Burt Reynolds hockey film, Mystery, Alaska. That film is seriously underrated.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHg5GRH1V14

Posted by: coveredinbees at March 16, 2011 4:08 PM

Oh yes, Keamy from Lost. I was too busy loosening my stays to type properly.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 16, 2011 4:17 PM

I'm guessing Brad and Angie dont have that arrangement. If he cheats she'll be on the cover of Vogue wearing his nuts as ear-rings.

Posted by: logan at March 16, 2011 4:51 PM

Am I really the only one being excited about the Pratchett series?

Posted by: FabMax at March 16, 2011 5:20 PM

Dan Telfer for the win! He's been going 'round the Chicago stand-up scene for years and it's nice to see him slowly spreading through the internet.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at March 16, 2011 5:27 PM

how did i miss that there were never any brontosaurii?

Posted by: gp at March 16, 2011 6:32 PM

FabMax nope, no way, I'm VERY excited.

gp, I KNOW, RIGHT?

Posted by: coveredinbees at March 16, 2011 6:40 PM

how did i miss that there were never any brontosaurii?

If there weren't, where'd the burgers come from, asshole?

Posted by: Jay at March 16, 2011 6:59 PM

Yurgh, Cassel looks like he smells of old cheese. And he kinda looks like old cheese too, now that I look at him closely. Yuuurgh.

Posted by: figgy at March 16, 2011 7:06 PM

The more I think about it, the more I believe the Watch books are the BEST choice for a TV series based on discworld novels.
The books themselves are plot and character based, giving a good strong base to work off. The character arc of Vimes alone would be good for at least a season.
They'd be cheaper in terms of production costs (aside from an epic costuming bill, the special effect costs would be relatively reasonable).
Being based in AM, the writers could easily integrate some of the other stories (anything with the wizards, oh, and Moist Von Lipwig! He'd be fun!)

Posted by: ScienceGeek at March 16, 2011 7:37 PM

An open relationship is one of the most intelligent, workable ways to have long-term relationship last. Why do people always act like people who make this adult decision are making some kind of mistake? Trying to force sexual fidelity forever is the mistake, people.

Posted by: John G. at March 16, 2011 9:54 PM

I think many people manage sexual fidelity just fine but if two adults make the decision that it isn't important to them then whatever works for ya is just fine.

I think preaching either way is ridiculous because you aren't a part of other people's relationships and don't understand what works best for them.

Posted by: becks at March 17, 2011 1:30 AM

Thanks John G. and becks. My lifestyle,as well as Vincent & Monica's, is now vindicated.
Now if only the above sentence read "My lifestyle with Vincent & Monica..."

Posted by: cinekat at March 17, 2011 7:43 AM

She doesn't expect fidelity, but does expect loyalty? Huh?

Posted by: Snuggiepants at March 16, 2011 2:55 PM
---
Yeah, I'm confused too. In my mind, respect + loyalty = fidelity.

Posted by: , at March 17, 2011 10:11 AM