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Why Kill One Smarmy "Entourage" Megadouche Weasel, When You Could Kill All Five?

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (27)

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Well my playful pound puppies, the dog days of summer are here. I know it’s likely a good deal hotter where you live than it is here in temperate, perfect, never met a thing we couldn’t brag out, California. That didn’t stop my co-workers and me from taking a Popsicle Break at work yesterday. It was one of those really idyllic, Rockwellian summer moments. In an effort to tempt you to your own Popsicle Break today, here is some of the best ice cream p*rn I’ve ever seen. (Milk Made Ice Cream)

Speaking of culinary delights, can I make a confession about the blog/book/movie phenomenon that was Julie and Julia? I hate Julie Powell. I LOATHE her. She is a smug, self-important wench who publicly shamed and cuckolded her husband who was, as far as I can tell (BECAUSE THAT’S HOW SHE WROTE HIM) nothing but supportive and lovely. So, for me, this project, wherein one young man is spending 365 Days WATCHING Julie and Julia, sounds like a nightmare. But he’s being rather adorable about it and today’s post gives some overdue credit to the wonder that is Stanley Tucci. Thanks, beckster! (Lawrence and Julie and Julia)

Here we have Day 3 of STARK WEEK. This is your last taste before the final installment tomorrow. It’s going to be a melee of fur and dour expressions and shark puns. GET EXCITED. Today’s STARK WEEK poster features the art of the lovely jM and the maple syrup-drenched wit of the oppressively clever admin.
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Have you ever wondered (lonely as a cloud) what our sultry gossip girl Courtney sounds like? Well, wonder no longer! Here she is with the great Chris Serico on his new podcast talking all things pop culture. Um, she hasn’t seen “The Wire,” guys. GET HER. (Pop On The Clock)

But at least she’s seen “Lost,” which is more that we can say for Chris. For those of you still licking your wounds after the traumatic “Lost” finale, J.J. Abrams challenges you to come up with a better ending. The folks over at io9 were like, “CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!” How about you? Any ideas on how the series should have ended? (io9)

You know me, I would have opted for slow-mo footage of Kate getting smacked in the face over and over and over. Josh over at Warming Glow takes that concept one step further and asks which shows would be best served by killing off a main character. You know, narrative-wise. Not schadenfreude-wise. Whelp, he chose the wrong Botwin and the wrong woman on “Justified,” but at least he got it right with Betty Draper and I love his idea for “Dexter.” (Warming Glow)

Speaking of our favorite serial killer, everything I know about blood spatter I learned from him. Here’s some more information via a fantastic infographic entitled “A Bloody Mess” (Geek Girl Diva)

You know what else is a bloody mess? The backlash against the new bi-racial Spider-Man. (LEAVE DONALD GLOVER ALONE!) Here is a round-up of some truly charming reactions. (Bleeding Cool)

Another, less incendiary controversy in the comics world is the new Wonder Woman design. Apparently there’s a debate as to whether the lady should go pantsless. I say, EVERYBODY SHOULD GO PANTSLESS. Ahem, exhibits A through Mmmmmm: (Fashionably Geek)

Oh and if you’re wondering what to do with all them extra pants, these folks have a “good” idea. By “good” I mean batsh*t insane. (Laps of Luxury)

But while we’re on the subject of ladies and comics (We WERE, remember? Before the pants thing?), former Pajiba writer Drew Morton has an idea about raising awareness for female comics] book fans. (The Cinema Doctor)

My favorite female comic book fan, Felicia Day, is the subject of this interesting and highly complimentary Forbes profile. (Forbes)

Oh don’t pretend you’re too cool to like Felicia Day. Nobody is so coated in cool as to be impervious to her charms. No, not even you, hipsters. Speaking of which, this, this right here, this is the best hipster-related thing EVER. EVER. I want to show it to the world. And I’m starting with you. Can these puppets explain planking to me next?

Okay, this may not be my kind of music, but color me impressed by this guy and his home-made guitar which has, what, eleventy billion strings? Crazy, ya dig?

Joanna Robinson didn’t know admin was such a fan of LL Cool J. Joanna says knock you out. She also takes back that thing she said about E on “Entourage.” As of three seasons ago (when she stopped watching), he was quite nice.









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Comments

You almost had me re-up my Entourage Season Pass with that title. Let me know if this actually comes about. Oh, and I'd also watch if they killed off "The Diceman".

Posted by: Three-nineteen at August 4, 2011 1:13 PM

I sent Donald a tweet saying that if this new bi-racial Spiderman brings him one step closer to being able to play the web-slinger, I'm all for it. Sorry Peter. May you rest in peace.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at August 4, 2011 1:19 PM

Thank heavens for some frivolity. Cindy is killing us over there on the song thread.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 4, 2011 1:24 PM

Speaking of Julie Powell, you're not alone in your dislike of her. Check out her wikipedia entry. Apparently Julia Child herself wasn't fond of her. At all.

Posted by: auntieshoque at August 4, 2011 1:30 PM

Um, you do know it's actually "wandered," right? 'Kay, just checking.

(Yup! For what it's worth, I know my words.--JR)

Posted by: Samantha at August 4, 2011 1:38 PM

Fuck JJ Abrams. It pisses me off to no end that Abrams, Lindeloff & Co STILL don’t understand that people are pissed off because they let us believe that they had this amazing ending, that it all made sense at the end, that no, thus far no one has guessed correctly what will happen (even though they dismissed The Purgatory/They’re All Dead suggestions during season 1), they egged us on, giving us “clues” about the story ending “somewhere near the Crab Nebula” and us geeks freaked out over quasars and black holes and antimatter and got all Mirror Matter serious. The problem isn’t that JJ gave us a shitty ending. The problem is that we got a shitty ending, one which was predicted and the prediction was dismissed outright by JJ & Lindeloff and that we were encouraged to speculate all the while they sat there and lied. So FUCK YOU ABRAMS.

Posted by: Scully at August 4, 2011 1:39 PM

It's been hotter 'n heck out here in east Texas (47 days total over 100 degrees, 36 days consecutive) so a coworker brought in Popsicles, ice cream (chocolate and vanilla) and waffle cones yesterday. We've been having a grand time with our mid-afternoon snacks.

Posted by: elsie at August 4, 2011 1:46 PM

Oh, I know. I wasn't trying to imply that you didn't! I quite enjoy your knowledge of words. PLove is my favorite part of the day. :)

Posted by: Samantha at August 4, 2011 1:46 PM

No, JJ Abrams. The problem with the LOST ending was that you and your creative team were so fucking worried that the internet community would be able to predict the ending and guess at explanations for the mysteries that you sabotaged the show all to hell just to avoid having to hear "called it" from your biggest fans.

Guess what, if you have a logical and compelling story built on a solid premise with consistent and plausible characters people who obsess over the show are going to be able to predict how it might end. Yeah, that's the plight of epic science fiction serials in the internet age. No one liked the way LOST ended because being unpredictable became more important than being good.

Posted by: Yossarian at August 4, 2011 1:49 PM

Sorry, but that hipster thing was pretty dumb. Just my opinion.

And if they killed off Andy Botwin, heads would roll. He's the best thing about that show. Which has kinda gotten good again. Viva Fun Bike Andy!

Posted by: kidtiger at August 4, 2011 1:55 PM

being unpredictable became more important than being good.

...which pretty much sums up why I never got into the show in the first place. Maybe I didn't give it a fair shot, after all many of the individual episodes I DID see I actually enjoyed well enough. It's just every time I would hear a fan of the show go on about some new twist or mystery, it would smell to me like some sort of Shayamalan-esque twist for the sake of being twisty thing.

If those same people were marveling at the end at how they somehow managed to tie it all together, I may have given the show a real shot, but for now I'll continue to skip right past it in my Netflix Instant queue.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at August 4, 2011 1:58 PM

Now I have "My Hat Is Like A Shark's Fin" on earworm. I wish I could buy that on iTunes.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at August 4, 2011 2:21 PM

Don't kill me, but I still really like Julie Powell after that second book. *hides*

Posted by: Angeleno Ewok at August 4, 2011 2:31 PM

The whole Lost issue could have been fixed with a couple of dialogue changes in the scene between Jack and Christian: He tells Jack that they aren't supposed to be there, they created an alternate reality with the explosion, but it is not the right one. The bleed through is what brought them all together and now they MUST accept their fate (major show theme) and surrender this world to complete their jobs in the "correct one", even if that means that in the original timeline they will die.

Ta.

Da.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 4, 2011 2:43 PM

"Lost" didn't end with an autistic J.J. Abrams setting down an island/snow globe? It was either that or Jack finding Hurley in the shower with Patrick Duffy.

Posted by: branded at August 4, 2011 3:14 PM

That's what I expected, too, Mrs. Julien, but I don't hate the ending.

The comments from the USA Today article that Bleeding Cool posted... man. I'm pretty sure like three of them are just bad jokes, but the rest? Holy hell. I feel like my soul just got kicked in the nards.

Posted by: RobP at August 4, 2011 3:17 PM

Dearest Joanna,

In today's post, you mentioned that you enjoy ice cream and frozen treats. I have learned how to make these concoctions in my own domestic setting. My chocolate malt ice cream recipe has been praised by aficionadi of both chocolate and creamy ice. I would like to tender an invitation for you to come to New Jersey to partake of these treats. We can make up the wicker chaise on the sleeping porch for you should the weather become overbearingly hot. The wisteria provides a lovely amount of shade and you would be most comfortable

Yours truly,
Mrs. Lysander Julien

P.S. You may bring a guest.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 4, 2011 3:46 PM

OK, I'll bite. I don't like Felicia Day. I don't think I'm cool or anything, she just freaks me out because she looks like a Margaret Keane waif painting.

Posted by: Esmeralda at August 4, 2011 3:47 PM

P.S. You may bring a guest.

Ooh, ooh! Me! Me! Oh wait I forgot I'm not doing that anymore.

I guess I'm stuck with my over-priced, but very tasty Ben and Jerry's. Not the worst thing in the world to be stuck with...

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at August 4, 2011 3:52 PM

If you have to be stuck with something Socrates skip the cargeenan and go straight to the Haagen Daaz.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 4, 2011 4:13 PM

It's 106 here now (Dallas). Supposed to end up at about 109. The low this morning was 86. A record high low. And temps will be over 100 every day this week and into next week, at least. No end to those anytime soon. August is usually the hottest, driest month.

I'd like to go pantless, but I'm at work, which is thankfully air-conditioned. Actually, it's kinda frosty in here.

Posted by: Slash at August 4, 2011 4:28 PM

I can't believe the beautiful weather we've been having in the Boston area this summer. Blue skies, no humidity, a slight breeze.....Wait a minute..HAVE I BEEN TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER???
I lined up in JoRob's comment section to read of new and exciting ways to off 5 MegaDoucheWeasles and now I'm discussing the weather?

Not sure I can sit through another episode of Entourage. It used to be cooldouchey, but now it's just boringdouchey. I suggest uzi's at 10 paces. That oughta take care of all 6 of them and still have time for popsicles.

Posted by: kirbyjay at August 4, 2011 6:35 PM

Fuck you, Abrams--it's not up to the viewers to make sense of the crap you threw at the screen. When you stick polar bears and weird numbers and a random black stallion and a smoke monster in your scripts, I assume it's because you have a PLAN, and you know where it's going. Sure, you might stick some weird stuff in there thinking it would pay off later and then decided it didn't work--that's fine. But when virtually nothing has any kind of payoff or resolution, that's just crap storytelling. Any jackass can do that.

It's like me making up a story and sticking in random shit like, fuck, I don't know, people finding boxes of Q-tips hanging from trees while a robot with a bible menaces them from time to time, and in one episode a purple hedgehog emerges from the woods and screams "Hurley!" before laying an egg and vanishing in a puff of smoke. And then having the gall to challenge other people to come up with a better ending. That's the writer's responsibility, and if he does a suck job, people are going to bitch.

Mostly I was annoyed by the whole manipulative afterlife bullshit--what the hell did that have to do with anything? The story up to that point was compelling enough--I didn't need to see what happened to them after they died. The show had never been about that. Screw you, Abrams.

Posted by: DeadBessie at August 4, 2011 10:27 PM

JJ Abrams is being savaged here and BSlim is missing it? Unforgivable, dude.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at August 5, 2011 5:58 AM

Does Haagen Daaz have Cherry Garcia, or a close approximation? If so, I may need to consider changing my brand loyalty. Some sort of banana ice cream would suffice as well.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at August 5, 2011 9:10 AM

Yeah, I have to agree that that 'hipster' clip was pretty suspect. Real puppets only love.

If hipsters are too judge-y, and now suddenly puppets start judging all the time, does that make puppets hipsters?

And another thing, if a person wants to ride around in a well made German car and eat stuff in bins, who does it harm? Less stuff in bins, and a benevolent little twinkle in a German industrialist's eye.

Posted by: Rev. H. Powell at August 6, 2011 3:22 AM

I totally agree about Lost, Dead Bessie. The Others? The Others wearing raggy clothes and dragging thorugh the jungle? Kidnapping Walt and the other kids? Walt reappearing? Pregnant women, Polar bears?

What did it all mean?

The first few years had an actual plot but the last few was only traipsing from one weird station to another and introducing new cast memebers that brought nothing to the story. It's like Abrams had a Department of Umemplyment Assistance project that gave work to actors that had no job. A few weeks work, "here's your check" NEXT!!!

It's like the writers had an outline of an idea, would follow through on that for a while, and then come up with new ideas, totally forgetting what came before it. I wondered through the whole run of the show if there would be a payoff in the end, and there wasn't. It ended up being an incohesive pile of crap!

Posted by: kirbyjay at August 6, 2011 8:44 AM