We Celebrate Black Friday With Depraved Humans, Disgusting Turkeys And A Little Light Bondage
By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (22)
Happy Black Friday my little giblets and gizzards. I hope your Thanksgiving was more swell than swollen. I also hope you’re tucked in your cozy homes with your families and that the biggest fight you have today is over who makes the tastiest leftover turkey sandwich. (Protip: The stuffing layer goes in the middle of the sandwich, acting as a third piece of bread.) For those of you venturing out into the heart of darkness aka the mall, please be careful. One crazed shopper has already attacked people with pepper spray. (LA Times)
Here’s what Banksy has to say on the subject.
But for all you non-shoppers who are at home, recovering from your food coma, don’t feel too guilty about how much turkey you ate. Yesterday competitive eater Takeru Kobayashi ate seven and a half pounds in ten minutes in what RecordSetter.com says is a world record. (Gothamist)
If that didn’t make you vomit, then this TurDunkin surely will. It’s a Turkey stuffed with donuts, glazed like a donut and COVERED IN SPRINKLES. Come on. (Geeks Are Sexy)
And for those of you who spent yesterday bickering,insulting and undercutting (yay, families!) Film School Rejects has a list of the Six Most Intense Dinner Party Movies. I’m just glad I’m not the only person on the planet who has seen The Last Supper, I was beginning to think it was a fever dream. (FSR)
Um, does So Geek Chic)">this lawn decoration make you hungry for leftover turkey sandwich? (Protip 2: The gravy should go on the turkey, not the bread, lest things get soggy.)
Speaking of creepy things, our very own Intern Rusty posted this absolutely terrifying video of an octopus oozing its way onto land. (Treehugger) I know, I know (praise him), I’m supposed to be adulating our Tentacular Overlords, but I want to kill that thing before it noodles my way. Maybe make a nice decorative table out of His Holy Caracas. (DeviantArt)
There are plenty of fine films out right now to distract you from the sh*tshow that is Breaking Dawn, but just in case you’re in the mood for some bloodsucking action this weekend, io9 has a list of 10 Vampire Stories More Romantic Than Twilight. Hunger is indisputably awesome, but thisiswhereIquicklyconfessthat”TheVampireDiaries”isactuallyreallygood. (io9)
And although Stephanie Meyer does not have an entry in this year’s literary Bad Sex Awards, they’re well worth a read. Oh, Stephen King, how could you? (Guardian)
The marvelous Ben Whishaw (Bright Star, The Tempest, “The Hour”) has been cast as Q in the new Bond film. With apologies to Desmond Llewelyn, this will be the drop dead sexiest Q in all of Bond history. (Moviefone)
For those of you who spent yesterday breaking bread with your elders, here is an adorable video of someone’s 82 year old grandma trying pop rocks for the first time. Awww, my grandma just makes gently racist comments and snores like a gently racist freight train.
Finally, though it is not even tangentially related to Turkey, I bring you this list of fun Science tricks you can use to impress your friends and loved ones. Holy Mr. Wizard flashbacks!
Joanna Robinson is working in her cozy little bookshop today. Because the bookshop is located in a hippie town where “Black Friday” goes by the name “Buy Nothing Day,” she doesn’t anticipate pepper spray.
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Comments
Posted by: Kate at June at November 25, 2011 1:27 PM
Fuck yeah Vampire Diaries *is" actually really good.