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Watch Out Barry Fan-ilows, I'm Starting A Chapter Of The Dakota Fan-nings

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (52)

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I’ve got a few little rules for Pajiba Love, my little free-spirits. One of them is that I never link to Cracked because everyone and their mother reads Cracked and I feel I’m pointing out the obvious. “Look, my loquacious link hounds, the sky!” I’m breaking this rule today to bring you this Beastmasterful list of ways you can control animals. Alas, alack, there are zero ferret tips. (Cracked)

Speaking of rules, I’m writing myself a cease and desist letter. No more trash-talking Ms. January Jones. Everyone’s on board at this point and it’s like bitching to the bitchy choir. Instead, I’m going to raise my voice up in praise of young Dakota Fanning. “For doing what,” you ask? Well, for being so refreshingly normal. It’s an accomplishment, y’all! I admire both Dakota and her parents. Then again, they did name their daughter Dakota, which is totally a dog name. (Celebitchy)

And while I certainly don’t love Dakota’s The Runaways co-star Kristen Stewart, I did find some of these “20 Best Kristen Stewart Quotes” oddly endearing. For instance, I chortled when she compared her relationship to her cat as a codependent Edward/Bella situation. Bite your lip less! Talk more! Be a less terrible actress! (Socialite Life)

Speaking of felines, please please please, if you enjoy laughter and startlingly realistic human-made cat noises, watch this local commercial for a Cat Hotel. Local commercials are the BEST. (Warming Glow)

I would definitely describe my relationship with typography as an Edward/Bella situation. You know how Edward didn’t think he could possibly love Bella more and then she rescued him from the Volturi? That’s how I felt when I discovered anamorphic typography. (This Is Colossal)

Blech, that hurt. You know who would kick Edward’s mopey, sparkly *ss right outta Forks? (Other than Buffy, of course.) Miss Veronica Mars. The wonderful folks at Blogulater are hosting a bad ass “Veronica Mars” viewing party so if you are anywhere near the Minneapolis area, I urge you to head over. Booze, food, kicky tunes and three episodes of one of the best television shows going. (Gone.) Why don’t they do this where I live? (The Blogulator)

Seriously, if someone wants to start this sort of thing up in San Francisco, I’ll be the first in line. Speaking of TV shows I love, here are a few tv-themed t-shirts from ze interwebs. A brilliant “Doctor Who” design and one of the niftiest “Firefly” shirts I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen a lot.

If TV tees ain’t your thang, maybe you want to show your love for the peeps at the Alamo Drafthouse with this Magnited Stated of America shirt. Or, possibly, you just want to display some Space Camp pride with this winning NASA/nerd shirt.

Speaking of NASA nerds, did you see this sun eruption video from yesterday? Grade-A space porn, my little solar flares. (Space)

Remember last month all that information came out about how sitting will kill you? Well a few bloggers (including one whose name (sorta) rhymes with “Trusting Souls”) have been trying out the whole “standing desk” concept. Here’s a pretty great write-up from Boing Boing. What do you think, my recumbent recluses? Is the standing desk a change you can believe in? (Boing Boing)

If I get a standing desk, I’m hanging this Monster’s Inc-inspired poster right next to it. It’s the best of this “Pixar Establishments” series. (Unreality)
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I know, I know, my immutable mutants, I’ve been doing a lot of X-Men yammering. It’ll stop eventually, but first I have to show you this magnificent Magneto doing a mutant version of Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way.” I hope this guy had that Magneto costume lying around. You know, just in cases.

Finally, my mellow cellos, here’s a decidedly unmellow “Welcome To The Jungle.” Rad.

Joanna Robinson is contemplating a trip to Minneapolis for the “Veronica Mars” party. Seriously, when did Minnesota get so cool? Email!









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Comments

For about six months my office had a prototype standing desk with treadmill. You worked away whilst walking briskly. I have never felt more like a hamster on a wheel. Plus, sweaty office clothes! Yay!

Posted by: Mrcreosote at June 8, 2011 1:16 PM

"My little solar flares" is the most endearing thing anyone has ever said.

Posted by: the_wakeful at June 8, 2011 1:23 PM

Minneapolis is way cool. Thanks for giving me another reason to wish I lived there. Sigh.

Posted by: Samantha at June 8, 2011 1:40 PM

Remember how things got out of hand that time and there was a banishing and we were reminded that PLove was where we were allowed to go off topic? I've been saving this up all morning:

Little Julien was looking at a stack of books we bought at a library booksale. He held up Billy Budd and asked Mr. Julien, "Did this man write Moby Dick?".

On the way to school, Mr. Julien was asked to explain both Moby Dick's plot and themes (Little Julien always wants to know the message of the story). Mr. Julien stuck to the themes of obsession and anger. We're saving the meditations on a puritanical God until Little Julien is 7.

(Because in the movie Matilda the little girl is reading Moby Dick and Little Julien remembers EVERYTHING.)

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 8, 2011 1:44 PM

(I would put it on FB but my employer blocks the site. It's a policy I recognize as sound, but I miss out on all of the mani/pedi parties and braiding each others' hair)

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 8, 2011 1:52 PM

We named the dog Indiana.

Posted by: Sean at June 8, 2011 1:57 PM

Then again, they did name their daughter Dakota, which is totally a dog name.

I like "Indiana". I've got a lot of fond memories of that dog.


Seriously, when did Minnesota get so cool?

All these lakes, trees, and gays? We thought it seemed pretty obvious.

Posted by: branded at June 8, 2011 1:58 PM

Sean!

::shakes fist::

Posted by: branded at June 8, 2011 2:00 PM

I knew a kid in Middle School named "Montana". He was nice.

Posted by: Figgy at June 8, 2011 2:08 PM

SRL idea: Celebrities named after States or cities! It'd be the most pointless list in the world! But I'd read it!

Posted by: Figgy at June 8, 2011 2:10 PM

Lake Woebegone, Minnesota. Where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.

Is the standing desk a change you can believe in?

No. Oh God, NO!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at June 8, 2011 2:13 PM

Thank you for the link to thisiscolossal.com. It is colossal, stupendous and fascinating. I anticipate many happy hours on the site.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 8, 2011 2:13 PM

I knew a kid named Dallas in junior high school. (In Seattle. In the 80s.)

His best friend was a kid named Rocky, who, looking back, probably had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

They were a sort of proto Beavis and Butthead team.

/memriez

Posted by: MM at June 8, 2011 2:26 PM

I went to an Anglican girls' school and each year had at least one person whose nickname reeked of upper middle class WASPdom, including Frosty, Tuppy and an actual Buffy.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 8, 2011 2:34 PM

We had a "Muffy." She had it f*cking engraved on a bracelet.

Posted by: coveredinbees at June 8, 2011 2:35 PM

Hey, if any of you like sports and are ambivalent or negative about ESPN and Bill Simmons, then I must insist that you read this awesome review of Simmons's new pop culture blog, Grantland. The piece is excellent, dissects the inanity of Simmons, Klosterman, Malcolm Gladwell, and other pop-culture musers. Although, some of the remarks strike uncomfortably close to home. I think you might enjoy it.

http://www.mrdestructo.com/2011/05/bill-simmons-and-grantland.html

Posted by: StoatCat at June 8, 2011 2:37 PM

When I adopted my dog from the pound his name was "Dakota." He was 3 months old when we adopted him. We changed his name from "Dakota" to "Aegon" after "Aegon The Unlikely."

Word to the wise... Do not name your pets after Targaryens. They will have a bit of the crazy in them.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at June 8, 2011 2:40 PM

I love the brief clip of the white-haired guy watching the cellists who makes a face as if to say, "Hmm not bad."

Posted by: mswas at June 8, 2011 2:41 PM

You name dragons after the Targaryens. DOY.

Posted by: coveredinbees at June 8, 2011 2:42 PM

Tuppy??!? TUPPY?!??

That's just wrong.

Mrs. Julien, I'm so glad you're forced to hang out on Pajiba, not Facebook, during the day. Others of us who simply find Facebook too chaotic enjoy your bon mots over here on this simple little message board. Where the messages don't even nest.

Posted by: MM at June 8, 2011 2:45 PM

SRL idea: Celebrities named after States or cities! It'd be the most pointless list in the world! But I'd read it!

What list wouldn't we read? Hey there's a SRL right there!

Posted by: mswas at June 8, 2011 2:50 PM

when did Minnesota get so cool?

A long time ago.

Posted by: Jay at June 8, 2011 2:59 PM

I totally want a treadmill/standing desk combo. That is magic. Bonus: I won't die every week when I have to go down (and back up) two flights of stairs to do my laundry!

Posted by: Anna von Beav at June 8, 2011 3:05 PM

Aren't most subnational political entities (ie states, counties or provinces) perfect for pet names? For example Somerset, Bavaria, Ottawa and Oregon. It's the French ones and the double and treble barreled ones that are the issue though. Things like New South Wales and Languedoc. "Oh we've a lovely red setter called the Dordogne that adores a mini chow down the park called the Unitary authority of Avon."

Posted by: jim of the lower case at June 8, 2011 3:10 PM

However for an orca, New South Whales is an excellent name.

Also I believe for half the year, Minnesota isn't just cool, it's downright cold!

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at June 8, 2011 3:14 PM

I want to go to a Veronica Mars viewing party!

I have a standing desk. It's called a "teller station." At least, it's a standing desk as long as there are customers in front of me.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at June 8, 2011 3:22 PM

My dearest MM

With company such as yours how I don't think of it as "stuck" on Pajiba so much as my center of operations for launching my internet blather, my LIB HQ if you will. It allows for the longer form blithering that feeds my insatiable need to quip at length and often.

Honestly, Dustin once told me how many page hits the site gets a day and it is a number larger than which I have the time or patience to count to out loud. It's that big, but I tell myself it's just us.

Yours in Godtopus,
Mrs. Lysander Julien

P.S. I wonder, do you wonder how TheBean is today?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 8, 2011 3:28 PM

I guess we'd have to expand it to character names, as well, because that's hard. Let's see:

1) Dakota Fanning
2) Indiana Jones
3) Dallas Winston
4) Wichita, Little Rock, Tallahassee, Columbus (do those count?)
5) Uuuh...Brooklyn Decker?

I know there's more. Come on.

Posted by: Figgy at June 8, 2011 3:35 PM

Speaking of NASA nerds, did you see this sun eruption video from yesterday? Grade-A space porn, my little solar flares.

I'd helioseismologically study that. Twice.

Posted by: branded at June 8, 2011 3:46 PM

India Weinstein

I live near a street called Wyoming Figgy. Does that help?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 8, 2011 3:48 PM

Reading silently, like always. That was an adorable story Mrs. Julien.

Posted by: The Bean at June 8, 2011 3:49 PM

I do wonder about the de-lurked TheBean. He or she was delightful.

Posted by: MM at June 8, 2011 3:55 PM

Julien Minor sounds like the kind of child I actually wouldn't mind hanging out with: curious in the right kind of way; aware of literature and makes interesting associations across books. I'd like to borrow him for the summer, give him Ulysses and see what he makes of it. Would that be okay?

In fact, I would totally be in favor of a child-borrowing scheme for the summer.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 8, 2011 4:03 PM

India Wilkes, from Gone With the Wind, too!

Posted by: Figgy at June 8, 2011 4:10 PM

I mean, India's a country but I'm so short on names that I'm expanding to include...THE WORLD.

Posted by: Figgy at June 8, 2011 4:11 PM

Aw, now I feel bad for not coming up with something wittier. Anecdote time-I once worked with a guy named Dallas. By the end of a three week period, I not only enlightened him that his parents might have had conceived him in Dallas, but convinced everyone at work that he might be a Freemason. His new work name: Mason. By the end of the summer, no one remembered his real name. At least he didn't have to think of his parents banging in a Masonic temple.

Posted by: The Bean at June 8, 2011 4:11 PM

Oh look at me, I'm kind of an idiot. I did refresh the page...

Anyway, hi Bean! {waves}

Also, I was going to say, Mrs. Julien, that le petit Julien sounds absolutely delightful. My best friend has a one-and-a-half year old, and I can only hope he will be such a delight as he grows up.

Posted by: MM at June 8, 2011 4:14 PM

"Banging in a Masonic Temple" would be an accomplishment. Something Dallas's parents could point to with pride and say, "we circumvented the secretive bastards and we have you to prove it!"

Do the Masons even let women in?

When my grandfather died, there was a whole Masonic ritual thing they did. It mostly involved aprons and oak leaves as I recall.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 8, 2011 4:28 PM

Ooh, ooh FIGGY! Bryce Dallas Howard!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 8, 2011 4:29 PM

"... one of the niftiest “Firefly” shirts I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen a lot. "

It would be even niftier if they hadn't fucked up the hanzi for blue.

Although, they do claim that the shirt is "screen-accurate" so maybe they just copied what they saw on the screen and it's the show's prop department that fucked it up. Anyone, someone is a silly fucker.

Posted by: Ballymena Bob at June 8, 2011 4:58 PM

Dustin once told me how many page hits the site gets a day and it is a number larger than which I have the time or patience to count to out loud.

Is he talking unique IPs here? Because if not, I'm probably responsible for at least half of those.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at June 8, 2011 6:00 PM

Obviously, that should have been Anyway and not Anyone but I've decided to include at least one deliberate mistake in all of my posts just to check if you are paying attention.

See if you can spot the deliberate mistake in this pist.

Posted by: Ballymena Bob at June 8, 2011 6:26 PM

Cello "Welcome to the Jungle" is AWESOME.

Posted by: Slash at June 8, 2011 6:40 PM

Ballymena Bob is pist off again.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 8, 2011 7:29 PM

Possibly the greatest Pajiba love of all time? Loved everything on this one. ^_^

Posted by: Sage at June 8, 2011 8:56 PM

Honestly, Dustin once told me how many page hits the site gets a day and it is a number larger than which I have the time or patience to count to out loud.

Holy crap, that sentence is on steroids!

Posted by: snapnhiss at June 8, 2011 9:19 PM

Mrs. Julien, the Masons don't let women become Masons, per se. There is a different organization for women. Ugh. I shouldn't even get started on the Masons. It boggles my mind that a racially-segregated organization like theirs still exists.

Posted by: stardust at June 8, 2011 11:19 PM

Well you could make with the sexy times in a Masonic Hall without being a member.

Posted by: Uda at June 9, 2011 12:45 AM

For most inclinations, a member would be required.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 9, 2011 9:51 AM

I totally live in MPLS!!! And the Red Stag is AWeSOme!! Guess where I will be on monday night, suckers!

Posted by: A at June 9, 2011 10:16 AM

Lady J indeed. Such a filthy mouth...

(Link to Orbit so you guys can play everyone's new favorite game, Socrates or Spambot)

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at June 9, 2011 10:46 AM

You've some helpful ideas! Maybe I should to think about trying this by my self.

Posted by: DJ Taylormade at August 3, 2011 12:37 PM