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Wait, That's Not Idris Elba: New Top Choice for James Bond Wears the Hell Out of a Hobo Beard

By Joanna Robinson | Pajiba Love | September 17, 2013 | Comments ()


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One of my all-time, must-listen, favorite podcasts, How Did This Get Made, gets the Dustin Rowles poster treatment. And it is glorious. (Uproxx)

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And while we’re on the subject of bags of rancid mayo, you have two choices here. You could read these vile and racist reactions to this year’s Miss America winner not being lily white or (and this would be my preference) revel in the gloriously weird fashion choices of the pageant contestants. Racism or bedazzled leg braces, you decide. (GFY)

Speaking of spectacles, I don’t watch Dancing With The Stars but after the following description of Bill Nye’s performance, I may have to: “He looked like a half-paralyzed grandpa turtle on extra-strength ludes trying to crawl to a piece of wet lettuce.” Poetry. (Dlisted)

I hath but one thing to say about this Patrick Stewart wedding photo: It’s not fair to outshine the bride. Gandalf, you dapper bastard. Not fair. (US Mag)
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One of my favorite new shows from last year, The Mindy Project, returns tonight. The lovely Price Peterson makes a compelling argument as to why it’s sneakily one of the more progressive shows on air. (Jezebel)

If you’re the kind of person who digs decorative soaps (and I am, dear reader, I am) then check out these amazing creations in both Foam Noir and Loteria options.

Are there any actual concrete sources cited in this article about Tom Hardy being at the top of the James Bond wish list? No there are not. Was this an excuse to post a photo of Tom Hardy’s epic hobo beard? Yes it was. (Celebitchy)

Also shady, my little gunslingers, is this update from Ron Howard on his adaptation of The Dark Tower series. I say shady because, well, there’s not much info. But they ARE still working on it. So that’s nice. (Empire)

Some concrete info I can share is that Bill Lawrence (Scrubs, Cougar Town) has a new show premiering November 14th. Yay! John C. McGinley! Boooooo something that looks like the sitcom version of Suits. I think we can all agree that this promo would have been a lot more compelling if star Skyler Astin and The Treblemakers had been the ones to sing “Love In An Elevator.”

Speaking of the comely a cappella cuties, Anna Kendrick is on the official cast list for Into The Woods. That’s not new news, but the rest of the cast is confirmed and shooting has begun. Sorry, musical sticklers, this cast is fantastic. There’s a nice blend of film and theater talent. (TMS)

I love these “putting time in perspective” charts. They really help you worry less about Hobo Beards and Rancid Bags Of Racist Mayo. (Wait But Why)

Speaking of nostalgia, fellow Generation Y-ers, am I the only one who thinks all of these “essential stuffed animals from the 80s” names could now double as porn site names? (Underscoopfire)

Let’s close out the links on a seasonal note today. This first one, reminiscent of the amazing Thug Kitchen blog, puts Martha Stewart to shame. And that’s a good thing: “I may even throw some multi-colored leaves into the mix, all haphazard like a crisp October breeze just blew through and fucked that shit up.” (McSweeneys)

And the lovely folks at Black Alchemy Lab have announced their new Halloween scents. They had me at the Anne Of Green Gables reference and I fully lost my sh*t over Dark Pumpkin Mead. DARK PUMPKIN MEAD? I want to bathe in it. (BPAL)

For your visual pleasure, this mesmerizing video is a combination of dance and visual affects. It’s no David Bowie juggling spinning glass balls, but nothing is, really.

Nuance from Marc-Antoine Locatelli on Vimeo.

And, finally, this spinning ball. The most mesmerizing one of all.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • BlackRabbit

    Does The Dark Tower have enough fanbase to warrant a movie? I'm not snarking, I'm really curious.

  • e jerry powell

    I was too busy screaming at the baton twirling to appropriately ridicule the leg brace.

    Having actually watched the pageant (BECAUSE Gay Like That), The Fug Girls were entirely too nice about the top five gowns, but they would have had a FIELD DAY with the other seven.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I love watching the pageants as blood sport. I flipped over to this after watching Breaking Bad and it only heightened the experience.

  • e jerry powell

    That seems appropriate, actually.

  • bastich

    You ever wonder if, when Patrick Steward and the Missus are doing the hibbidy dibbidy, he ever says "Make it so, Number One"?

  • Mrs. Julien

    I refuse to hypothesize about his proclivities.

  • raeraefred

    that wedding photo officially in my "bad day? -> better" folder.

    god, how i love those two sirs!

  • pnnylne

    I love Idris, but if Hardy is the new Bond...Lord help me. My local movie theater will have all my coins and I will give them up with no fuss.

  • RoscoeJ

    Craig is signed up for at least 2 more Bonds, which means another 4 or so years. So it's way too early to be worrying about a new Bond. Even though I'd much prefer Hardy.

  • SnowMan

    If anyone is going to be a-capella-ing "Love in an Elevator" for a Bill Lawrence project, it would absolutely have to be The Blanks, a.k.a. The Worthless Peons, a.k.a. Ted's Band.
    Boing fwip!
    "By Mennon"!

  • It's a true testament to Patrick Stewart's genuine likability that he has gotten absolutely zero shit for doing the super typical Hollywood thing or marrying a woman less than half his age. Not too many guys could get away with that completely unscathed these days.

  • I'd love Elba or Hardy as the next Bond. But I'm pretty happy with Craig for as long as he wants to do it.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Oh, in other theater/movie news...here's the reason man-meat Mangniello shaved.

    http://www.nytimes.com/video/2...

  • denesteak

    wow thanks for sharing that. If only because it led me to this: http://www.nytimes.com/video/2...

    Carla Gugino is beautifullllll

  • Sara_Tonin00

    She really is, and that's a great monologue. A smart play I wish I'd had a chance to see. I did see her onstage in The Road to Mecca (for the prurient, she stripped to skivves to sponge off the dust in that show). She is an actor's actor.

  • JoannaRobinson

    I was prepared to make fun, but that was surprisingly good.

  • BWeaves

    1. Penultimate video is how the game of Pong always appeared in my head while I was playing it, because that square "ball" took so damn long to cross the game board.

    2. Last video: The view of the moon is fascinating considering that we never see the moon like that. It spins at such a slow rate (one rotation every 28 days) that it always presents the same surface to us at all times.

  • John G.

    Seriously!! anyone on Pajiba not listening to How Did This Get Made, what's wrong with you?

  • bastich

    I call dibs on "abusive childhood pet" as my excuse.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    They shat on Demolition Man. I don't want to have anything to do with them!

  • Mrs. Julien

    I don't know how to podcast. I wouldn't even know where to start.

  • John G.

    even if you don't have a smartphone with one of the million podcast apps, you can listen right on their webpage

    http://www.earwolf.com/show/ho...

  • JJ

    That is literally straight-up bananas.

  • JoannaRobinson

    That. Is. Garbage.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Ouch.

  • JoannaRobinson

    Not you, lady. We were just Mantzoukas-ing.

  • JJ

    Rafi riffing, or "Rafi-ing," if you will.

  • JoannaRobinson

    Oh I WILL.

  • John G.

    still not on Twitter guys

  • e jerry powell

    Neither can I, but I do have iTunes, so I can get PODCASTS. I have too many queued right now to have time to listen to all of them before the end of 2014.

  • JJ

    This is next-level bonkers.

  • Looks like Sophia Grace is out as Little Red (that's good!)

    But her replacement is still waaaaay young at twelve (that's bad!)

    But she's a Broadway vet (that's good!)

    The frogurt is also cursed (that's bad!)

  • unpious

    But you get your choice of toppings (that's good!)

  • Barrie Williams

    The topping contains potassium benzoate...

  • Sara_Tonin00

    that's....bad?

  • Tinkerville

    I will watch Ground Floor for the John C. McGinley and Skylar Astin and Bill Lawrence-ness of it all, but why do all the freaking comedies this year have to look so watered down and generic?! Somebody bring back Clone High right damn now.

  • rio

    No, just no, no. The next James Bond has to be Idris Elba. And let's just take a moment to reflect on the fact that I'm say unacceptable to Tom Motherfucking Hardy in a suit, this is how strongly I feel about Idris Elba as the next James Bond.

  • Ben

    As much as I love Elba, I'm pretty sure he said that he doesn't want to do it.

  • Maguita NYC

    I do love me some Tom Hardy, but I agree with you: Idris Elba should definitely be the next James Bond. Also, that fine, fine accent in that gravelly voice would send me into seizures every time he'd kindly request anyone to undress. And note to producers, please have him request it often.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Were I one for shaming persons engaging in conduct that might be construed as slatternly, this would be one such occasion and said shaming would likely incorporate a shortened form of the afore-utilized word, "slatternly".

  • Maguita NYC

    Pffft, anyone slattern-shaming over a hot man, or a hot man's voice requesting slow divesting, is nothing but the owner of a frustrated dry lioness.

    Sad, but in effect very true. *nodding head knowingly.

  • Mrs. Julien

    OR I have some class and restraint.

    No, not "restraints", "RESTRAINT". Really, you are just shameless.

  • Maguita NYC

    U-huh. Saw your "Restraint" over the not-so-far Henry Cavill thread Mrs. J. Seems to me you don't practice what you so loudly preach much: Either your restraints are made of nothing but wishful thinking, or class has somehow regurgitated a new meaning of osmosis pomposity made of wild fantasy and wet lionesses.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I think you just won. I concede.

  • Maguita NYC

    I... won..?

    I won... I won!

    Oh... I won. Now what?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • JJ

    In the interest of time and laziness, I'm just going to recycle my old arguments by crossing out anything Doctor Who-related and replacing them with their James Bond equivalents.

    Isn't it time that we had a female James Bond? You know who would be great wearing the tuxedo and wielding the Walther PPK? Ruth Wilson.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    No, I kind of want her as, like the Bond girl who fixes Bond with her ridiculously sexy sexiness and he just can't help but have his heart grow three sizes and feel again.

    And then she dumps his ass or betrays him, because she's totally too good for that shit. So basically I want her to be Bond, but I want her to be Bond at Bond and totally go all Bond on his ass.

  • rio

    that would actually be the only acceptable alternative, i approve of this choice.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I am pro-Elba but won't the new Bond be replacing Daniel Craig who will be leaving because he'll be too long in the tooth and isn't Craig 45 now (I did have to look that up) and still has 2 films to go which means Elba (41 now) will be at least 45 when he takes over and while Elba is amazing and gorgeous and a good actor he would potentially already be on the razor's edge of too old and therefore questionably spry for the intense physicality of the new Bond so unless they go back to a Roger Moore Grandpa Bond instead of the current Jason Bourne Bond it pains me to say that more than you can know but, really, Elba's too old and I think that window is closing please don't hit me.

  • I was firmly for Idris as Bond, but now I am even more firmly for Idris as a Bond villain.

  • emmalita

    I'd like to see Elba create his own role. I think he can do better than James Bond.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Co-sign.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    I want to live in that beard where I can frolic with the unicorns and leprechauns and drink naught but ambrosia whilst diddling myself to the dulcet tones of Mr. Hardy's rumbling tenor.

  • Maguita NYC

    I want to deeply inhale that beard's eau-de-cologne, drown my nose in its silky nest, and expire under the heat of those luscious lips that no manly fuzz could ever hide from my own coveting kisser.

  • NateMan

    Ew. He looks like there's birds nesting within.

  • Maguita NYC

    Everything about Tom Hardy goes so well with fine wine.

  • BlackRabbit

    With that beard he'll have wine for days.

  • kirivinokur

    I don't think I've ever said this, but Meryl Streep has some big shoes to fill.

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