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Wait, Even Spielberg Hates Megan Fox? Sh*t, Girl, You're Screwed.

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (35)

megan-fox-cool.jpeg

Ah, my nonpareils of beauty! Do any of you still watch pageants? I’ll confess I used to adore them when I was a tot but these days they fly completely under my radar. Unless, of course, there’s some manner of scandal. Well here we are with a kerfuffle surrounding Miss California (who just won the Miss USA title). She seems pretty flipping cool to me. She believes in evolution and medical marijuana and, best of all, she watches “Game of Thrones” and “Camelot.” Two shows (one excellent, one delightfully crappy) near and dear to my heart. This revelation is kicking up that whole Pandering Geek Girl hornet’s nest again. Can’t we all just be thankful that she’s not Carrie Prejean? (Nerdy Bird)

Speaking of controversial beauties, the lovely Miss Megan Fox has allegedly made an enemy of Steven Spielberg with an ill-timed Hitler comment. (As opposed to a well-timed Hitler comment, Joanna?) Whether this is about her level of disrespect or the director’s feeling about Holocaust humor, we can’t really say. This is all word of mouth (and from Michael Bay’s mouth, no less). What I will say is that if she’s p*ssed off Spielberg, Megan Fox is f*cked. (NYMag)

I wonder if these Japanese hotel-owners have p*ssed off Mr. Spielberg. Me? I’m delighted that a Jurassic Park-themed sex motel exists. Do you think they’ll let me fill a bathtub with green jello? (Geekologie)

I’m going to give Lucas the benefit of the doubt here and believe that he is subtly apologizing for the quality of the Star Wars prequels. I WANT TO BELIEVE IN THE MAN, DAMNIT. (Blastr)

Ah, a prequel I can get behind? Another X-Men installment. No no no, not because of Fassbender. I’m thinking we go even younger. Maybe animated. MUUUTAAANT BAAABIES. (The Curious Brain)

Is the “Muppet Babies” theme song stuck in your head now? You’re welcome. I’ve been hearing the haunting, trashy strains of the “True Blood” theme song in my head for a week now. The show starts up again Sunday and while I found last season’s use of the werewolf Alcide to be wholly unnecessary and rather dull, I was never to bored to watch his wash boards. Here they are being given the GQ treatment. (Celebitchy)

Here’s something I feel less creepy staring at: a series of magnificently understated film posters. It wasn’t hard to pick out my favorite. (Brick Hut)
tremors.jpeg

You know, if I had my way, my walls would be plastered in clever posters and my bureaus would runneth over with geek T-Shirts. This Dr. Horrible shirt is the best I’ve seen in awhile. Sometimes shirts are just geeky, this shirt is both geeky and cute. (Qmx)

Speaking of gorgeous, the lovely (Not So) Blonde Savant sent me to this Etsy store. This stuff is beautiful and has everything a drunken godtoperson could desire. I want to take up smoking JUST so I can buy that cigarette case. (Etsy)

Just kidding about the smoking, folks. I never would. I know the risks, man. (DEAR GOD, THE RISKS.) Plus, you know, our health care system is completely f*cked. Take, for example, this story of a man who got himself arrested just so he could get medical attention in jail. That’s pretty f*cking dire, folks. (GOOD)

All you gents who care about health (or just want an excuse to skip shaving) must love Movemeber. Well, fear not ladies, there’s a sort of silly event for us as well. Oh yeah, Julyna. Get on board. (Health Zone)

Here is a list of five fake sounds designed to make humans more comfortable. You know, like when you’re enjoying your lady’s Julyna and she fak-JUST KIDDING. She doesn’t do that. Never! (Humans Invent)

Finally, my luscious lens flares, I buried this video in my column yesterday, but it’s so good it deserves it’s blindingly bright moment in the sun. JJ Abrams presents Lens Flare.

Joanna Robinson wants to assure you folks that your special f*cking lady friend loves ALL of your Julyna ministrations, both great and small. If you need to spice things up, however, why not take her to Hotel Jzauruss. Seriously, the name drips class.









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Comments

Ooh, I love the Breakfast Club and Groundhog Day posters.

Posted by: Julie at June 21, 2011 1:11 PM

When looking at those suggested stencils for Julyna, remember- What that site calls a "Charlie Chaplin" will be seen by everyone else as a "Hitler".

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 21, 2011 1:19 PM

And then Spielberg will make sure your lady garden never gets work in this town again.

Posted by: coveredinbees at June 21, 2011 1:20 PM

That Julyna article makes me sad. All these women are talking about how they want people to be more comfortable with their vaginal areas, all while pointedly refusing to say the word vagina. What the fuck?

“We hope the humour will help women feel comfortable talking about cervical cancer and talking about that area,” says founder Vanessa Willson, 29, a nurse at St. Michael’s Hospital.

Yeah, "that area," way to encourage women to be more comfortable by tiptoeing around the name of the area and treating it like a dirty word. I won't even start on the seizure that "down-there hair" sent me into.

Posted by: Nat Kittyface at June 21, 2011 1:21 PM

I hate my friends for beating the Dr. Horrible horse to death because now I can't properly enjoy that shirt.

Posted by: michaelceratops at June 21, 2011 1:24 PM

No one ever talks about how smoking fights Alzheimer's. Seriously, if you can get through life without cancer or the black lung taking you, your neural pathways will be strong enough to last FOREVAH. Rates of Alzheimer's in smokers (that live long enough) are super low.

Posted by: the_wakeful at June 21, 2011 1:24 PM

"Mutant Babies, we make our dreams come true!
Mutant Babies, we'll do the same for you!

When your world looks kinda weird and you wish, that you weren't there.
Just close your eyes and make believe and wear something with flair!

(Azazel): I like adventure
(Emma Frost): I like romance
(Erik Lehnsherr): I love great jokes
(Wolverine): Wolverine dance!!
(Charles Xavier): I've got my computer
(Raven): I swing through the air
(Banshee): I play the piano
(Beast): And I have blue hair
(Sebastian Shaw): Me, I invent things
(Erik Lehnsherr, again): Mee mee mee meee!

(President): Is everything all right in here?
(All): Yes, sir.

Mutant Babies, we make our dreams come true!
Mutant Babies, we'll do the same for you!

Mutant Mutant Mutant Mutant!
Babies Babies Babies Babies!
Make dreams come true!

Posted by: Kballs at June 21, 2011 1:25 PM

Those damn octopi are all over Etsy. You can buy them anywhere (*cough* Hobby Lobby) and a few minutes and a tube of E6000 later, apply them to whatever you feel requires steampunkiness in your life.

See also: owls, sparrows, keys.

I just saved you $45 + shipping on an octopus flask.

Posted by: Wednesday at June 21, 2011 1:25 PM

Kballs, that was magical.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 21, 2011 1:28 PM

Dawn of the Dead poster rocked.

As for the Pandering Geek Girl Dilemma (PGGD)...it's interesting to note that it's all about how/when the geekiness comes out. For example, no one questions Felicia Day's geek cred. Or Alysson Hannigan's. They're Geek Queens. But they've a proven track record. It isn't just wearing a Star Wars t-shirt or proclaiming to love World of Warcraft. It's doing all those things over and over and over again. It's taking on geek-approved projects and willingly putting up with the (ever-more-commercial) geek conventions.

So Miss USA says she digs Game of Thrones and Camelot and is a "history geek"? Then she should understand that the Geek Secret Police want to zee herr papers!

Posted by: Fredo at June 21, 2011 1:31 PM

Joanna is a dirty, dirty succubus for earworming Muppet Babies today. Fortunately I was listening to Kronos Quartet in iTunes, so I was able to cleanse quickly.

Posted by: Jerry at June 21, 2011 1:31 PM

I hate my friends for beating the Dr. Horrible horse to death because now I can't properly enjoy that shirt.

They beat Bad Horse???

Posted by: Fredo at June 21, 2011 1:31 PM

At the Jurassic Park hotel, you might be able to request that they pipe in the audio of "Clevah Gehl" for like, an alarm clock, or just on a continuous loop or something...

Posted by: MM at June 21, 2011 1:33 PM

while I found last season’s use of the werewolf Alcide to be wholly unnecessary and rather dull

I think you spelled "delightful and not enough" wrong, there, JoeyBean. (I'm sorry about that. That's a terrible moniker, and I'll never use it again.) Anyway, THANK YOU for that link, because MMMMMMMMMMM Alcide. I really hope he gets more use this season.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at June 21, 2011 1:40 PM

I’m delighted that a Jurassic Park-themed sex motel exists. Do you think they’ll let me fill a bathtub with green jello?

Hold on to your butts!

Posted by: branded at June 21, 2011 1:48 PM

Those posters are to die for. I want the Dawn of the Dead one right this second.

Posted by: beckster at June 21, 2011 1:59 PM

Let me be your cautionary tale: Do not be fooled by Joanna's bright chatter as it blithely leads you down the garden path to a link. Or like me you will be left to ask

Why?

WHY?

Why? Why? Why did I look at the cigarette warning labels? I do not smoke, nor do I burn. The only smolder that interests me is on my meticulously maintained Potential Co-Concupiscents List. So WHY? am I looking at renderings, nay rendings, that will require therapy to recover from? It may necessitate tender ministrations from a gentleman on my Potential Co-Concupiscents list to heal and rebuild my life. I'm not sure it's worth it.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 21, 2011 2:12 PM

JR - you linked to a little bitty whatever about Megan Fox on nymag's vulture site, but missed the Arrested Westeros tumblr page link?

http://arrestedwesteros.tumblr.com/

(AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! See this is why I need all of you to send me links. So I don't miss gems like this. --JR)

Posted by: Sara Tonin at June 21, 2011 2:13 PM

Point: Julien

As a quadragenarian, I am too old to understand the Muppet Babies reference. Ha ha! I win! Kind of.

Posted by: Julien, Mrs. Lysander at June 21, 2011 2:32 PM

What I will say is that if she’s p*ssed off Spielberg, Megan Fox is f*cked.

Yeah, poor Megan is screwed. Getting herself kicked off a Michael Bay misogynist production of Rock-em Sock-em LeBeoufBots and pissing off a director who has 1 decent movie (Tom Cruise vs. The Future) in the last dozen years is worthy of degredation these days.

I'll acquiesce that she's a terrible actress, but she tries and seems obviously un-enamored with the Hollywood machine. Last time I checked, she still hasn't broken up anyone's marriage, still hasn't filmed herself blowing a frat guy, and still hasn't taken nudies on her phone and had her publicist try to mask it.

It's odd that most people care more about bashing Megan Fox's career than she cares about continuing it. Mmmmmeh!

Posted by: D-Day at June 21, 2011 2:35 PM

Lets just hope that Spielberg doesn’t wield that much power that he can end someone’s career, because if it is true then those anti Semitic jokes about the Jews running Hollywood will come fast and furious. I mean really, does Spielberg really wants to be the guy known for taking down Megan Fox?

Posted by: Pookie at June 21, 2011 3:20 PM

Thank you so very, very, very much for that Celebitchy link.

Posted by: Ozioma at June 21, 2011 3:36 PM

In the battle between JJ Abrams' Lens Flare of Immediacy and Steven Spielberg's Atomic Flashlights of Doom...

Who Is Mightiest?

Posted by: The Mutt at June 21, 2011 3:53 PM

I'm going to chime in here and mention my affection for that fake sounds that make us feel comfortable link. That kind of blew my mind.

Posted by: The Wandering Parakeet at June 21, 2011 4:46 PM

You don't need to smoke for a cig case. Keep you sticks of double bubble in it. or joints. the bottom line is other stuff fits in there.

Posted by: dna at June 21, 2011 4:46 PM

Wait, is E6000 lube?

Posted by: Three-nineteen at June 21, 2011 4:53 PM

Sara:

Thank you for posting the ArrestedWesteros/MM link. Le sigh. Perfection.

Posted by: beet salad at June 21, 2011 5:59 PM

As a worker bee in the medical department of my friendly neighborhood correctional facility, I must opine that the bank-robbing dude is a GENIUS.

Posted by: Htom Sirveaux at June 21, 2011 6:55 PM

I love that Lens Flare video. "I can't see a goddamn thing!" Hee!

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at June 21, 2011 9:33 PM

Ok, while I find Joe Manganiello ridiculously hot, I have to say that the contrast between his full head of hair and that beard, and that shiny waxed torso of his is quite disconcerting. It's just not right. You're a full grown man, there should be hair!

Posted by: Even Stevens at June 22, 2011 12:29 AM

Hells yeah there's always room for a well timed Hitler comment.. I use one whenever I meet my main man Hitler Wong http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0939103/

Posted by: Colombo at June 22, 2011 1:31 AM

Posted by: D-Day at June 21, 2011 2:35 PM

Megan Fox is a terrible human being, who tosses out the Hitler card at the drop of a hat, can't act her way out of a paper bag, has one of the biggest egos in Hollywood, and got herself kicked out of the single easiest gig that a human being can get, standing around in a New Mexican desert once every two years looking pretty for tens of millions of dollars no matter how shitty your performance is.

If you feel sorry for her, you have the perspective of a gnat.

Posted by: *Asterisk* at June 22, 2011 3:36 AM

Drop of a hat? You were there were you?

I never had that much interest in her or those shitpiles of films, but since reading Shia LaB's comments about the working conditions, and several of her more on-the-nose and un-hollywood statements I've spun on a fucking dime.
Don't give two shits about her acting but it sounds like she had to put up with a lot of shit just because she was the eye-candy, a director too rich and powerful to be reigned in when he wanted to treat his actresses disrespectfully just because her role was a sexualised one, and that sucks.

Posted by: Ender at June 22, 2011 4:54 AM

When I heard the Megan Fox story I thought of the first episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, where Larry got in trouble with his manager's parents when he made a joke about his wife being "Hitler" because she wouldn't let him do something (can't find the actual clip on youtube but here's the aftermath)...so, basically Megan Fox has become Larry David now.

Posted by: Jesse M. at June 22, 2011 10:08 AM

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Posted by: Andrew A. Sailer at July 10, 2011 8:16 AM