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Val Kilmer & His Genius Plan To Bang Natalie Portman, Plus Al Pacino & Siri In A Bathroom

By Agent Bedhead | Pajiba Love | June 28, 2013 | Comments ()


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Pixar promises that it will slow down with the sequels already. Hey, Planes isn't technically a sequel, is it? Spin-offs are still fair game. (Vulture)

Vince Mancini has truly taken a bullet by delivering a real-time review of James Franco's latest short film masterpiece, La Passione. (Uproxx)

Alec Baldwin threw yet another temper tantrum. The target of this one technically deserved to be called out, but as always, Alec took his reaction a little bit too far. (DListed)

Being a Hollywood assistant ain't all it's cracked up to be. When most people are heading home to their families at night, their jobs are just beginning. (Buzzfeed)

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Did you know that in the original Spider-Man, the spider was a real spider, not CGI? They harnessed and painted a damn spider. (Film School Rejects)

The season premiere of Stephen King's "Under the Dome" looks insane in gif form. Oh my god, that poor cow. (Warming Glow)

Speaking of poor cows, Siri (of iPhone fame) has brought Al Pacino to the point of reenacting Tony Montana's fury in public restrooms. (Celebitchy)

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Veronica Mars movie set visit, anyone? Yep, it's really still happening. (The Mary Sue)

Now World War Z is supposedly an anti-semitic movie. Eh, I don't think the screenwriters put that much thought or effort into targeting any group other than the slobbering general public. (Videogum)

The Conjuring looks so, so terrifying. "Look what they made me do" scares me every time I hear it, and this third trailer isn't helping matters. (Slashfilm)

Chloe Sevigny lives in a fashion league of her own making. Chloe is the honey badger. (Go Fug Yourself)

Val Kilmer is pushing for Heat 2, and his official pitch includes him banging Natalie Portman's character from the first movie, which is really creepy considering that Nat was about 12 years old during filming. (The Wrap)

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For fans of "The Big Bang Theory," this list of uses for old card catalogs will amuse. (Mental Floss)

Does The Last of Us video game feature the grossest zombies ever? (Kotaku)

Kanye West could learn a lot from Tupac Shakur, starting with burying that damn ego. (Daily Beast)

This video -- featuring Amy Poehler, Horatio Sanz, and Janeane Garafolo -- serves as a behind-the-scenes look at the Upright Citizens Brigade's famous "Asssscats" show.

Finally, here's the first teaser for Lars Von Trier's Nymphomaniac. I have a feeling this is going to be the most boring "sex" movie ever.

Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at celebitchy.com.


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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • corporate Compendiums

    Your article was quite intriguing and the
    information quite useful. Will check your site often to see other great posts
    you make! Regards

  • googergieger

    "The Conjuring looks so, so terrifying."

    Yeah, I remember when I gave you the clapper for Christmas. You ran out of the room screaming like a maniac.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I know this is far from the point, but the articles mentioning that St. John the Divine is a Catholic cathedral are wrong. It's not even a Catholic church. Which is why I was kinda surprised that's where the Gandolfini funeral was, rather than St. Patrick's. but whatever. (shoddy journalism, Daily Mail, hahaha)

    Btw, that Daily Mail article on Hilaria tweeting is no more.

  • foolsage

    So, wait... Val has a plan to bang Natalie and Al. OK, I can understand that. I'm not sure why it has to be in a bathroom, but fine, that's where Val plans to do it. My question is: what does Siri have to do with the plan?

  • Siri is there to provide directions to his destination.

  • foolsage

    Val really didn't think this whole plan through, then. They're going to end up in three different bathrooms.

  • On the other hand, if he winds up in the wrong hole, he can apologize to Natalie and blame it on Siri's bad directions.

  • foolsage

    Huh, you might have something there. Maybe that's the real plan, and maybe it's not Natalie he plans to apologize to...

  • e jerry powell

    "I have a feeling this is going to be the most boring 'sex' movie ever."

    You haven't watched much Catherine Breillat, have you?

  • The Kilted Yaksman

    Neck beard aside, Horatio Sanz looks great. The weight loss suits him.

    I just hope his performance with UCB isn't like his time on SNL, where he laughed at all of his own lines, even though they were rarely funny.

  • gram

    You guys are very dismissive off a 1 minute clip from an upcoming feature. Not saying it's going to be a great film or not I think Lars is a capable film maker and he's at least consistent with evoking
    something from the viewer.

  • foolsage

    Well, it's a pretty terrible clip, in my subjective view. I've seen a lot of trailers and teasers, and that's among the least interesting of them. I had no desire to see the movie based on that. Your mileage may of course vary.

  • Maguita NYC

    Trailers are supposed to sell the movie. This one pretty much failed to pique interest.

  • "Finally, here’s the first teaser for Lars Von Trier’s Nymphomaniac. I have a feeling this is going to be the most boring 'sex' movie ever."

    Challenge ACCEPTED!

  • BWeaves

    I don't know. That clip was not promising.

  • ERM

    My IQ dropped just from reading that Videogum post. I think 5 sentences may have actually been relevant to whatever he was trying to say.

  • Monica

    I thought everyone - the author of that post and the people in the comments - was just crazy drunk.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Alec took his reaction a little bit too far

    I'm so glad you mentioned this. I can't access the link, but I saw his tweets elsewhere. I never got past the horrendous recording of the way he spoke to his daughter and one of my first thoughts when I saw the homophobic tantrum tweets was, "Is this enough? Now will people admit he is clearly an a-hole?" I mean, the reporter works for The Daily Mail. You could easily have derided the man without showing yourself to be a rude thoughtless little pig, Alec.

  • Jolie S. Evans

    like Ruth implied I'm amazed that a student able to profit $9738 in 4 weeks on the computer. have you seen this page w­w­w.K­E­P­2.c­o­m

  • logan

    "A little too far"? C'mon the world has been destroying Paula Deen for something terrible she said years ago with a gun to her head. Meanwhile Alec gets a pass again for being an asshole over nothing. I dont get it.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I didn't say that I was quoting the article. I think I made my feelings quite clear.

  • logan

    I didn't say you did.Or disagree with you in any way.

  • firedmyass

    With a gun to her head? I wasn't aware she pitched her adorable "pickaninny wedding" idea to the guy who robbed her.

    Idiot.

  • logan

    I was referring to the n-word.

  • pumpkin

    She didnt say it with a gun to her head. She said it after the fact. That she said it at all means the word is in her vocabulary as an appropriate adjective.

  • Maguita NYC

    People tend to conveniently forget the Paula Deen debacle started after one of her business associates filed an official complaint against her and her brother.

    For years, both Paula and her brother have thrown about the N* word in their collective, as well as respective work environments, like it was nothing. We are not talking about a one-time deal because of a hold-up. We are talking about years of throwing the N* word around your employees and associate of color as a means of intentional prejudice. And her brother apparently watches porn at work, makes dirty comments, and sexually harasses employees of color.

    And let us not forget how conveniently Paula Deen neglected to mention her Diabetes diagnosis, while selling her books and shows about unhealthy and fatty cooking well over a year after the fact! She kept on the facade just long enough until she announced her new healthy habits, and tried selling you those new books. If the Food Channel knew Deen to be an upstanding citizen, wouldn't they have stuck by her or at the very least, made a public statement that clearly reflects their support of her?

    Whether her associate will be proven right in court or not, anyone with a modicum of brain-cell function could easily understand that Paula Deen's problems and shenanigans have been going on for quite sometime now, and are not simply caused by one word thrown about in an outraged and exceptional moment of duress.

  • firedmyass

    And I was referring to you being an idiot. I am now doubling-down on that assessment.

  • logan

    Everything i said was correct. You changed the subject.

  • firedmyass

    I... I have to draw you.

  • annie

    I'm truly amazed how not totally visibly maladjusted his daughter is having been partly raised by him. His talent and status should not make him immune to even just a fraction of what Paul Deen is getting for her racist comments. Unfortunately I think he doesn't get it anymore because we're kind of used to it from him.

  • e jerry powell

    Damn my libido to hell, but I still want to be his concubine. And his anger management therapist. Clearly more the latter than the former at this point.

    As I've said elsewhere, I wonder what it was like for his mother to be raising such a drama queen.

  • Mrs. Julien

    With people like him, I always wonder what he must be like in private if this is how he acts in public, and then I wonder if the kind of person who feels entitled to make this kind of display draws a line between the two or is just this way all the time and how exhausting they must be to live with, and then I think of every woman ever on Bridezillas.

  • e jerry powell

    A very apt analogy, to be sure.

    I just read his non-apology. *sigh*

  • pumpkin

    I really want to like Alec Baldwin, but he makes it damn near impossible.

  • Steph

    Yeah....I'm out. I will always love Jack Donaghy but Alec Baldwin is pretty much dead to me.
    Hey! It rhymes!

  • F'mal DeHyde

    Wow, his tweets were bad... really bad. Trying to incite violence, homophobic name calling, threats of violence. It wouldn't be too hard to prove Baldwin's wife was tweeting during the funeral anyway, would it? If it's not true, post the time stamps. If it's true, STFU.

  • Guest

    .

  • Jakesalterego

    You can automate tweets.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    Then Baldwin should have said that instead of threatening to stick his foot up the guy's ass.

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