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This Chick Packs More Of A Punch Than All Of Zack Snyder's Baby Dolls Combined

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (46)



Veena-Malik-Picture-3.jpeg

Slainte, my salacious celery stalks and pickled string beans. This article, which breaks down the individual flavor components of a Bloody Mary, made my mouth water. Listen, my sweet sots, you don’t have to compromise on taste when looking to get a vodka buzz. If you’re ever out in the city by the Bay, you should join me for Sunday, Bloody Mary, Sunday at Zeitgiest. Their Bloody Marys come with essentially an entire salad in the glass. S’wonderful. (NPR)

Now, I will admit to you, my little pinto beans, I’ve never thought about breaking my tacos down into their individual components (if you are sniggering, I will slap you). However, these photographs of taco ingredients as seen through a microscope lens are jaw-dropping. Don’t worry, they didn’t do chorizo, we all know an extreme close-up of chorizo will just reveal porcine tears and regret. (Micro Taco)

This is another experiment in extreme close-up photography and, well, it’s f*cking terrifying, my friends. It’s like staring into the void and having the void stare back. (Luke Tech Tips)

Blech, that was deeeeee-sgusting. Let’s rinse the taste out of our mouths with some sofa cake. More delicious than it sounds! (Sofa Cake!)

I feel all this brouhaha surrounding “Mad Men” could be solved with three simple words. Fire. January. Jones. (Celebitchy)

I wonder why, given my obvious love for charts, my browser thought I was typing “I Love Charlie Sheen” into the Googles. I don’t love Charlie Sheen, I love Charts! They gave me this fetching Word Cloud of Beatles lyrics. If you click it, it will grow.

beatles word cloud.jpg

Speaking of British Popsters, Our Man In London, Caspar Salmon, wrote a list of what Beach Boys song titles would look like if the band were British. Then McSweeney’s published it. Yay Cas!! (McSweeney’s)

Do you remember how Rachel from Real World San Francisco married Sean from Real World MumbleCough and now he’s a Wisconsin congressman? No? Okay. Well Sean decided to stop being polite and started getting real about how he’s unable to make ends meet on his $174,000 salary. Let’s throw him our support in these troubling times. (Poor Sean Duffy)

When did they start using Ralph He’s So Fiennes as the model for Hellraiser’s Pinhead? (Geeks of Doom)

Also, this? This is adorable. I know it’s just for kids but I think I would like to stencil it on my wall and maybe add a Wookie level cause some of us are really tall, okay? (The Mary Sue)

You have no idea who Veena Malik is, right? Me neither. However, when BierceAmbrose sent me this link of her verbally annihilating a Mullah who tried to ambush and attack her for being a digrace to Pakistan, I decided we should all know her name. (She’s an actress/comedian and is being attacked for her “questionable” behavior on the Indian version of “Big Brother.” So, this is maybe like a Kardashian laying a smackdown. I love.)

In other Arab news, it’s getting pretty complicated over there, hunh guys? Is a dwindling oil supply responsible for the recent uprisings? Why, if January’s demonstrations in Egypt were so peaceful and successful, has the interim government banned any further protests? Well I’m here to help with a vastly rich and informative breakdown of the situations in Tunisia, Libya and Egypt presented in terms we can all understand: ZOMG ANGREE BURDS.

Joanna Robinson thinks when she goes off this not-drinking binge, she’s going to try soaking and chilling a jar of olives in vodka and then eating them. It sounds amazing. Have you tried that? However, the last time she got her alcohol out of a jar, it was a drop of the Poitín. That didn’t end well. Send your alcoholic oddities here: godtopuswept@gmail.com or here @quityourJRob









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Comments

Nice "fada" Ms. Robinson. Very impressive.

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 31, 2011 1:19 PM

Go, Veena. Having been married to a fundamental self-styled holy man, which was not fun but was mental, I lost my will and ability to persuade him to do or think anything but his narrow thoughts. 'Cause it don't work! Been gone from that situation since 1985, thanks.

Posted by: DenG at March 31, 2011 1:29 PM

Uhm...Gaddafi = Libya, not Syria. Aaanyway...you said something about Vodka?

(Seriously, pour me some. Lots.--JR)

Posted by: Joker at March 31, 2011 1:30 PM

I want to be Veena Malik's best friend. She tore that ass UP.

Posted by: Rest In Peace at March 31, 2011 1:34 PM

Why would you do that to the poor olives?

WHY???

Posted by: Jay at March 31, 2011 1:39 PM

I do not possess the words to properly explain how in awe I am of what Veena Malik did there. It is difficult to sound reasonable and coherent in a shouting match, but she EMBARRASSED those guys. You could feel their shame and confusion building as she stripped away their mindless nationalistic and religious propoganda in a matter of minutes. And she did it with unbreakable dignity and class.

*stands and applauds*

Posted by: Kballs at March 31, 2011 1:44 PM

Olives go in GIN, Joanna. Gawd.

Also? Dark chocolate and spiced rum. You're welcome!

Posted by: (Not so) Blonde Savant at March 31, 2011 1:48 PM

Goddamnit.

Someone fetch me tacos.

Now.

Posted by: TK at March 31, 2011 1:53 PM

I love January Jones in Mad Men. For thing, I think she is massively talented. For another thing I like looking at her because she is super pretty. (I am female).

Posted by: sevenstories at March 31, 2011 1:54 PM

Didn't know Veena Mallik, but that raised all kinds of lust from me.

Posted by: Fredo at March 31, 2011 1:55 PM

That chick is kick-ass!

Those guys did not know who they were fuckin' with.

Posted by: MurderBot at March 31, 2011 1:56 PM

Veena Malik is my hero.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at March 31, 2011 2:03 PM

Woah! Those eye pics are amazing!

Posted by: JGirl at March 31, 2011 2:07 PM

I love January Jones in Mad Men. For thing, I think she is massively talented. For another thing I like looking at her because she is super pretty. (I am female).

Posted by: sevenstories at March 31, 2011 1:54 PM

No way this is a real post. Even January Jones fans sort of shrug in a whaddya-gonna-do way when people confront them with her lack of acting talent. She's a boring, empty-faced, bad, bad actress. Pretty, yes. But "massively talented"??? No. No way. I'm getting aggravated just thinking about it. Come on! I've seen livelier movements and facial expressions on stroke victims! She constantly looks like she's thinking about her grocery list or what to plant in the garden this spring or if she left the oven on!!!

That's it. I'm leaving.

Posted by: Kballs at March 31, 2011 2:12 PM

I was just at Zeitgeist for the first time in about 2 months and found out you are allowed to take pictures now. You don't know how many fights have been caused by that retarded fucking rule.

Posted by: Sad Rockstar at March 31, 2011 2:15 PM

Holy crap, Veena Malik. I have a lady-crush on her - someone get to to Hollywood right now! She's all kinds of LEGITIMATE kick-ass! This is the woman action hero we NEED.

Posted by: luthien26 at March 31, 2011 2:17 PM

Holy buckets! Veena Malik is a force! That was spectacular to watch.

Posted by: JGirl at March 31, 2011 2:29 PM

Veena Malik should probably run for office. The woman is incredibly eloquent even when she's so angry and disgusted that her head is practically throbbing. That's an example of the reality stars in Pakistan? I'm jealous.

Posted by: becks at March 31, 2011 2:30 PM

Unfortunately there's a lot of image/likeness stealing/tracing in comics. See Greg Land.

Posted by: Fracas at March 31, 2011 2:35 PM

"Do you remember how Rachel from Real Worldzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Posted by: John W at March 31, 2011 2:37 PM

Hrrm. That video isn't working for me. Stupid work computers. It's like they want me to do something other than troll the internet all day. Jerks.

Also, Bloody Marys... mmmmmmmmm...

Oh, a friend of mine "infused" jalapenos with vodka (the same thing you're doing with the olives, JoRo) and they're pretty fantastic on a pizza after that.

Posted by: RobP at March 31, 2011 2:43 PM

Sometimes you know the word infused and forget to use it because you are forgetful. Forgetting things forgetfully.

Posted by: coveredinbees at March 31, 2011 2:44 PM

That Beatles word cloud really was fetching. Such happy words.

Posted by: Robbins at March 31, 2011 2:53 PM

Who knew irides could look so much like assholes?

Posted by: PissBoy at March 31, 2011 2:55 PM

Raisins soaked in gin are one of the best palliatives for arthritis.

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 31, 2011 3:11 PM

"She constantly looks like she's thinking about her grocery list or what to plant in the garden this spring or if she left the oven on!!!"

But isn't that exactly what Betty Draper would be thinking about?

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 31, 2011 3:13 PM

No I believe the internal monologue of Betty Draper goes like this: "Daddy issues, daddy issues, daddy issues, what is the most effective way to give my daughter an eating disorder, daddy issues, daddy issues, chiffon, chiffon, I could use a cigarette."

I had sympathy for her in Season One but now I think she is a monster. A MONSTER.

Posted by: coveredinbees at March 31, 2011 3:16 PM

Ahhhh, Bloody's at Zeitgeist on Sundays are the best. With their pickled green beans, and their horseradishy goodness. Made even better when pop-collared, polo shirt wearing Marina douches and their pink over-shoulder sweater wearing vapids come in and get berated, surly serviced and just plain yelled at to death. Its hilarious watching them try to order food, too.

True story: I was leaving one Sunday, as a group containing the people described above walk in and, I kid you not, I hear, as I walk out, "OH, HELL NO!!!" Brought a smile to my face.

Posted by: JapJay at March 31, 2011 3:24 PM

Totally in awe of Veena Malik

Posted by: ash at March 31, 2011 3:35 PM

I want to marry Veena Malik.

Posted by: Jadine at March 31, 2011 3:49 PM

Go Veena! Go Veena!!

A hot woman that can intelligently and eloquently defend herself. My kinda woman.

Posted by: meh at March 31, 2011 3:58 PM

The thought of Bloody Marys makes me gag. Tomato juice. Bluhaaaaaaargh.

Also, the fuck kind of taco are you making that requires zucchini and chickpeas?

At least they didn't have hard taco shells. Those things are an abomination.

Posted by: figgy at March 31, 2011 4:06 PM

Aww, thanks for the shout-out, JoRo! It's an honour to be on the same page as VEENA MALIK and indeed, in general, to be in your lovely mind-wander of linky things.

Posted by: Caspar at March 31, 2011 4:07 PM

I would very much like Veena Malik to be President of Planet Earth. What a woman.

Posted by: beckster at March 31, 2011 4:28 PM

The fact that a REALITY star can be that intelligent and represent REAL people is amazing. Too bad everyone on TV here are vapid fake idiots.

Posted by: Paultera at March 31, 2011 4:34 PM

the fuck kind of taco are you making that requires zucchini and chickpeas?

Asshole taco.

Posted by: Jay at March 31, 2011 4:40 PM

At least they didn't have hard taco shells. Those things are an abomination.

Posted by: figgy at March 31, 2011 4:06 PM

Say it, girlfriend!

:snaps three times in quick succession:

Posted by: RobP at March 31, 2011 4:54 PM

Holy shit, the closeup eye photos ... cool, but ... wow, unsettling. Not sure why.

Posted by: Slash at March 31, 2011 4:57 PM

That Veena Malik makes most of the Kardashians look like bad female impersonators.

Also, the clip was enlightening, but man, got way too screamy for me at the end there. But good for her for giving it back to them. Hope she doesn't get car-bombed or something.

Posted by: Slash at March 31, 2011 5:10 PM

Holy crap, Veena Malik is awesome. And a gorgeous woman to boot!

Posted by: Thijs at March 31, 2011 5:10 PM

:O. Veena Malik rocks. I have never heard of her before now and that fact that she was willing to stand up and fight back against what was obviously just a petty attack against her by someone who didn't even know who she was... Wow. I kinda wish more people would see this video.

Posted by: Jessica at March 31, 2011 5:14 PM

I'm at work, so I decided to watch the Veena Malik clip with the sound off.
As it turned out, that was kinda redundant, since I started clapping somewhere around 'by your own laws, you should be punished', and was outright cheering by the end of it.

Posted by: ScienceGeek at March 31, 2011 7:42 PM

"...So, this is maybe like a Kardashian laying a smackdown,..."

Have to Disagree, the whole Kardashian clan together will never have the amount of smarts Veena showed in those 7 min.

Posted by: vhrico at March 31, 2011 9:59 PM

Screw Bloody Marys, Caesars are where it's at.

Posted by: Uda at March 31, 2011 11:26 PM

That was a very moving video, her obvious hurt and anger didn't prevent her from expressing herself in one of the most eloquent and heartfelt dialogs I've ever witnessed. She's my new hero.

Posted by: snapnhiss at April 1, 2011 11:15 AM

What's worse?
a) Simple fact that that is not her body at all
b) the outfit
c) the way the outfit seems to be cut out and pasted on the body
d) the way that body is flat as a pancake
e) The gigantic head
f) how freakishly white she looks? Yeah, she's light-skinned, but not THAT much.
g) the way her chin looks like it was shaped by a blunt mallet?
h) ALL OF THE ABOVEI do not possess the words to properly explain how in awe I am of what Veena Malik did there. It is difficult to sound reasonable and coherent in a shouting match, but she EMBARRASSED those guys. You could feel their shame and confusion building as she stripped away their mindless nationalistic and religious propoganda in a matter of minutes. And she did it with unbreakable dignity and class.

Posted by: cosplay costumes at April 5, 2011 5:39 AM