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There's A Shortage Of Perfect Breasts In This World, It Would Be A Pity To Damage Yours

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (44)



Chris hemsworth shirtless in Thor Movie.jpeg

Good morning my sleepy Sleipnirs and murmuring Mjölnirs (UMLAUT’D!). How was your weekend? Did you see Thor with the rest of the nation? Me too, my dears. I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised by how shamelessly Chris Hemsworth’s well-sculpted pecs were featured. But don’t worry, lady-lovers, you’ve still got the market on sexploitation cornered. For every half-nude Norse there’s a brimming handful of Annie’s Boobs. No, not the monkey. I mean, of course, these outrageous gifs of Alison Brie running down the halls of Greendale in last week’s Paintball episode of “Community.” Enjoy. (Warming Glow)

Oh, Fat Neil, we hardly knew ye. Speaking of gamers, here’s an interesting photography project of real life gamers compared to their avatars. There is, as you would expect, the usual over-weight lads and bespectacled gents playing as hot ladies, but there are also some eerily accurate representations. I’m not sure which unsettles me more. (Golem)

Speaking of unsettling…who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Porifera Robert Quadrilateral Trousers. Realist-ick. (Sponge Bob Square Pants)

Conversely, here is that now-famous Situation Room photo done up Superhero Style. A black Captain America? What ze hail? Next thing you know they’ll be wanting to make one of the residents of Asgard black. Can you imagine?! There is no way that would work out really well because the actor is talented and all the people who whined about it were racist *holes. No way at all. (Superhero Situation Room)

Speaking of Osama Bin Laden and the question of the exorbitant bounty on his head, one of my political heroes, Congressman Anthony Weiner has suggested it go to 9/11 survivors and first responders. I say we dump it back into our broken economy. What say you? (NY Post)

Actually, my dears, I’m curious, how did you find out about Osama Bin Laden’s death in the first place? These days I get most of my news from Twiter (faster that way). Social Flow has a fascinating (and real purty) examination of how the news of OSB’s death spread and how it all stems from one single tweet. (Social Flow)

You know I love purty visualizations of information. Here’s a nifty breakdown of some famous films and TV shows that deal with time travel. They omitted “Quantum Leap” and “Doctor Who,” I’m guessing, to avoid a chart that looks like your knitting after the cats have been at it. (Information Is Beautiful)

But you know, my little Black Spots, that I would never omit The Doctor. Here’s a handy Ikea-style guide on how to build your own Tjardiis. Allen wrench and wibbly-wobbly included. (College Humor)

Does the wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey nature of certain films leave you scratching your head and pointing out inconsistencies? Well this wickedly funny article is here to tell you to shut your face, you Anal-Retentive Snobby Exasperating Spoilsports (ARSES). I mean it about the wickedly funny part…and about the ARSES too. (The Rich Tea Biscuit Party)

I will, however, point out this inconsistency in the time-space-continuum. HOW IS PAULA ABDUL STILL GETTING HIRED TO DO THINGS ISN’T SHE, LIKE, A WELL-KNOWN TRAIN WRECK? Ahem. Sorry. I know too many smart unemployed peoples to be able to keep my cool on this subject. (Evil Beet )

Okay, you’re right, I’m going to calm down and listen to my friend Zombie Marie Curie. She’s a cool dude. (XKCD)

But we all know the coolest dude that ever was or will be is Mr. Jon Hamm. Here he is making nice with a mysterious blue muppet-thinger. No I don’t know what’s going on in this video, honestly, but Hamm is super charming and the song is pleasantly catchy so just enjoy it you ARSES.

Are Cute Kid Videos basically Cute Animal Videos in disguise? Well, regardless, watch these wee Brazilian moppets and their slick dance moves.

Joanna Robinson is fond of both muppets and moppets and is on board with everything about those videos except for the final baby ass wiggle. She has a strict “Must Be This Tall Before Making The Booty Drop” policy. Email! Twitter!









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Comments

Saw Thor over the weekend and it was interesting to note how humid and quiet the theater got when Hemsworth walked around shirtless.

Posted by: Fredo at May 9, 2011 1:10 PM

There were audible gasps in our theater.

Posted by: I Need More Allowance at May 9, 2011 1:12 PM

Snail trails did abound.

Posted by: admin at May 9, 2011 1:16 PM

Talk about a roller coaster of a sentence.

Here he is making...

Oooo :)

...nice...

Oh :(

...with a mysterious blue muppet-thinger.

Ooo :)

I obviously know this, but for those still struggling, quote about boobs means this must be a JRob joint.

Also, that better be a sonic allen wrench.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 9, 2011 1:17 PM

You win! I finally looked up the word "tardis".

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 9, 2011 1:18 PM

Aaaaaaaand my pants just exploded.

Posted by: Figgy at May 9, 2011 1:19 PM

I may have simply not been paying attention, but recently it has become increasingly apparent that this Socrates_Johnson person is a. delightful and b. gearing up for an acolyte flame war with Joanna's other would-be lobsters.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 9, 2011 1:22 PM

I confess that when the shirtless scene happened it was all I could do to keep myself from screaming "WOOOHOOO YEAAAAH!" at the top of my voice. Because we weren't at a Chippendale's show. Also my husband was sitting next to me, and though he is wonderfully patient with me and my shameless crushing after fictional men, I think even he has a limit.

Posted by: Figgy at May 9, 2011 1:24 PM

YOU CAN'T MIX MARVEL AND DC, GODDAMMIT.

And Biden makes a better Green Lantern.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at May 9, 2011 1:24 PM

a) SJ is totally delightful and super nice.
b) I check under my bed every night to make sure he's not hiding there.

Posted by: Joanna Robinson at May 9, 2011 1:24 PM

Great recap Courtney!

Posted by: logan at May 9, 2011 1:26 PM

And...and you give me Hamm, too?

This...I..I don't...*sniff*...There's...there's...no words....*fans face* I...I love...

*sniff*

*whisper*....They...they should've sent a poet....

Posted by: Figgy at May 9, 2011 1:27 PM

a) Aww thanks.
b) As if I would use such an old and played out hiding place. Plus, there's so much more room to move around in the closet. (Shit)

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 9, 2011 1:31 PM

So what you're saying is that the Thor pecs are sufficient to distract from the tiny close set eyes and helmet (literally) hair? I don't get it. He looks like Stretch Armstrong.

Now, Brando in Streetcar. That's a scene that brings on a missile crisis sort of hush in a movie theater.

Posted by: Mrs. Kowalski at May 9, 2011 1:39 PM

Watch yourself Socrates.

/sharpens lobster claws

Posted by: Patty O'Green at May 9, 2011 1:40 PM

He's in the closet. I can see his runners under the door. (Shit)

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 9, 2011 1:45 PM

Listen, Mrs. J., I'm not saying I want to make the sex on Chris Hemsworth. (Why isn't there an "L" in his name? Oughtn't Thor have the world "Helm" in his surname?) He is faaar too beefy-cakey for me. But, BUT there was something really crazy jaw-dropping about that scene. At the very least we have to admire the iron he pumped or the steroids he took because he used to look like this: http://doorq.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/original.jpg

Posted by: coveredinbees at May 9, 2011 1:49 PM

Who you callin' Mrs. J?

Posted by: Mrs. Kowalski at May 9, 2011 2:01 PM

Uh oh, there's a glitch in the Matrix.

Posted by: coveredinbees at May 9, 2011 2:03 PM

Thank you, oh thank you so much for my Monday Hamm! Now the struggle to concentrate for the rest of the work day without thinking how awesome it would be to runaway with Hamm in a vintage convertible...sigh...

Posted by: SugarKane at May 9, 2011 2:18 PM

I think someone is forgetting what was discovered when those pussy writers screwed us all and went on strike:

Train Wrecks Sell

Why the hell else would we have ANY reality shows, much less ones with Meat Loaf and Gary Busey going head to head for anything?

Posted by: Protoguy at May 9, 2011 2:48 PM

Whatevs. I got my lobster hammer and a tub of melted butter. Bring it. RobP and I may have settled things, but guy love does not apply to you.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 9, 2011 2:49 PM

Man, I was SURE Blubacca was gonna get Draper-raped.

Posted by: AmbroseKalifornia at May 9, 2011 3:22 PM

At the very least we have to admire the iron he pumped or the steroids he took because he used to look like this:

http://doorq.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/original.jpg

Posted by: coveredinbees at May 9, 2011 1:49 PM

If I ever go for the other team, I always figure it would be for a Terry Crews type - but ladies - that is a pretty, pretty boy.
~~~

Posted by: Meander at May 9, 2011 3:30 PM

oh DAMN IT that one picture of the kid in a wheel chair with his palsied arms and his breathing set up and his Boba Fett-esque avatar got me right in the fucking soul, DAMN YOU ROBINSON.

Posted by: Nadine at May 9, 2011 3:55 PM

I confess that when the shirtless scene happened it was all I could do to keep myself from screaming "WOOOHOOO YEAAAAH!" at the top of my voice.

You must not have been in the showing I saw, because the whole audience gasped in appreciation.

Posted by: mswas at May 9, 2011 4:11 PM

I'm still keeping my eye on you, SJ, but we're good. That song's been in my head all weekend.

As for the Osama news, JoRo, I initially saw an Anderson Cooper tweet saying that Obama was going to making a big announcement, then I turned on the news, flipping back and forth between CNN and MSNBC as the info spread, until finally the President stepped behind the podium. So, technically, I was informed by a traditional media source, but that only would have happened because of Twitter.

/dun dun dunn

Posted by: RobP at May 9, 2011 4:16 PM

Because I'm probably a bad person, but also outside the US time zone, I found out at like, 8am UK time when I went on Facebook...what? Look, I get up early on vacation because I get up SO early for work that I can't sleep past eight.
And the BF doesn't get up for a while so I go on facebook to feel loved and like I have friends. And also I get my world changing news there. It's very convenient.

Posted by: Nadine at May 9, 2011 4:26 PM

Socrates, let us set aside our differences and enjoy said melted butter in a more traditional matter better fitting our sophistication.

BUTTER WRESTLING!!!

Posted by: Patty O'Green at May 9, 2011 4:27 PM

That person has the exact same opinion of Inception as I do!

I'm not the only one!

Posted by: DominaNefret at May 9, 2011 4:46 PM

So, compared to the Google Chrome ads, the Herman Dune video must have reduced Sir Dustin to a quivering mass for the day. He probably won't get another post out today.

Posted by: Tao at May 9, 2011 5:00 PM

The Bucs are .500 and I have a woman on the internet offering to wrestle me in butter for the attention of another woman.

It's been a good day.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 9, 2011 5:28 PM

Whatever it was, let's thank the Sweet Baby Jeebus for it.

Posted by: Figgy at May 9, 2011 5:53 PM

In case you're still interested I heard about OBL death on the Mike and Mike show.

Posted by: John W at May 9, 2011 9:55 PM

I was coming back in with a nice waffle cone full of chocolate ice cream. It was rather tasty in the car, but it did taste much better when I walked in and heard the news.

Posted by: Nicolae at May 10, 2011 12:19 AM

I learned about OBL from SportsCenter, watching the extra innings Phillies/Mets game to try to fall asleep. Needless to say, when SportsCenter opened with the annoucement, I ceased to be sleepy...and flipped to a real news station.

The guy twittering from Abottabad is a pretty neat story.

Posted by: Sara Tonin at May 10, 2011 8:39 AM

I heard about OBL in the morning right after I got out of the shower and turned on the tv to my local news. I gasped and said "oh my God" our loud and it woke up Pissboy so I told him.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at May 10, 2011 9:34 AM

I was at home playing in the Dream World on Pokemon Black (oh God, the things we admit to on the internet) and my roommate came home and told me to put it on the news because, "We may have just killed Osama bin Laden."

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 10, 2011 10:53 AM

Um yeah, I was just about to get up and go to the bathroom when Hemsworth walked on screen... I had to sit back down. DAY-YUM!!!

I also thought Tom Hiddleston (Loki) was strangely attractive, my boyfriend now thinks I am crazy.

Was this a chick flick? oh hell yeah.

Posted by: MRod at May 11, 2011 2:47 PM

Where do we go from here with Osama Bin Laden gone? More attacks seems likely.

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