The Two Super Bowl GIFs That Summarized Everything We Love and Hate About Beyoncé

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The Two Super Bowl GIFs That Summarized Everything We Love and Hate About Beyoncé

By Dustin Rowles | Pajiba Love | February 4, 2013 | Comments ()


Say what you want about the outcome of a Super Bowl that had teams with very little national interest, Beyoncé turned that motherf*cker out, giving us maybe the best half-time performance since Prince? There were very few opinions voiced at the Super Bowl party I attended because most people's jaws were fixed in a position that didn't allow for much communication, although my five year old offered this assessment: "She's a wonderful dancer." So young, so naive.

These two GIFs sum it up:



Confident/arrogant, provocative/lewd, and fierce/aggressive. So, basically, it validated everyone's opinions of Beyoncé. For the dataheads that keep up with such statistics, I'm guessing there's not a lot of middle ground in games of f*ck, marry, kill when it comes to Beyoncé. Nevertheless, I thought it was a striking, mesmerizing performance.

Moving on to the day's links: Speaking of Super Bowl ads, the website advertised for the Under the Dome television series is way creepy. (WG)

In case you missed it, CBS's live telecast of the Super Bowl ended with Joe Flacco celebrating with a few choice profanities that were not bleeped. (Deadspin)

A sniper and former Navy SEAL familiar to some from "Stars Earn Stripes" was killed tragically at a gun range, where he was trying to help former soldiers work through their PTSD. As TK notes, DO NOT READ THE COMMENTS. Paranoia, paranoia, everyone's coming to get you. (KHOU)

Speaking of reading the comments, "Girls" Jemima Kirke has not learned to avoid them. (Vulture)

Alec Baldwin delivered the monologue for the NFL Honors over the weekend, and unlike Oscar celebrities, the football players have a much, much better sense of humor about themselves. (NFL)

Over on Slashfilm, German Lussier makes a case for how the Hulk will fit into the next two Avengers films. (Slashfilm)

Unreality looks at 5 Horror films you won't believe are PG. What? Jaws? (Unreality)

In case you missed it, Argo picked up Best Picture at the DGA Awards over the weekend, making it a lock for the Oscar, unless of course it loses. More importantly for PL purposes, did you see Jennifer Garner's dress? (Celebitchy)

The other awards show over the weekend, The Annie Awards (for best Animation), chose the deserving best picture winner. (Ropes of Silicon)

A man who owes nearly $100,000 in back child support has been ordered by a judge not to impregnate a woman. I wish this were a thing that could happen more often. (The Week)

I think the headline here says it all: "Man With No Shirt Hugs Porcupine in the Snow." (Videogum)

Anyone that holds a gun to Tom Cruise's head is all right in my book. (ETOnline)

Finally, The Walking Dead returns this Sunday (and our recaps on Tuesday), and speaking of which, here's what the show's intro would look like if it were an 80's sitcom.

B*tch Ranking "Downton Abbey": A Pudding Is A Terrible Thing To Waste Edition | Christoph Waltz: International Man of Deliciousry Is Here to Help You Get Through This Monday

Are you following Pajiba on Facebook or Twitter? Every time you do, Bill Murray crashes a wedding.

Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Jo 'Mama' Besser

    God knows how she still has thumbs for all of the licking or how she hasn't given herself a serious case of p***y pop from all of the nerve toxin convulsions. Is that how her nose fell off?

  • Belkwinith

    Every time I see that header image, I can just imagine Beyonce in the kitchen, getting ready to serve little Blue Ivy breakfast. She comes dancin' up, All FIERCE and throws down the bowl of Malto Meal "You have been SERVED!" whips her hair around and grinds off to do the rest of the housework. I imagine her looking like that, every time she accomplishes any mundane task around the house. Vacuuming, cooking, flossing her teeth. That's just how "B" does it.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    Pardon my ignorance, but having a group of vets suffering PTSD at a firing range doesn't seem like a great idea to me.

  • googergieger

    Wait, what? That was Beyonce? I thought that was Ray Lewis. No wonder my friends kept looking at me like I was crazy when I kept yelling "Murderer!" during her halftime show.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    gotta high-five you on this one.

  • ,

    "did you see Jennifer Garner’s dress?"

    Uh-huh. So?

  • Chich

    I read some of the comments on the sniper story. I didn't get very far before I got depressed and had to stop.

  • poopnado

    I am usually a ridiculous Bey defender, but last night's performance left me hanging. It was good, but nothing special. She's an amazing entertainer, and I expected more. I did, however, expect her to turn down Kelly and Michelle's mics. Which she happily did. IT'S THE BEY SHOW MOVE OUT THE WAY

  • Diane

    I hate to disagree with your surely adorable kid, but I don't really call what Beyonce does "dancing". Spastic and terrifying, yes. Dancing, no.

  • dagnabbit

    Herky-jerky songs with no melody paired with herky-jerky body movements with no fluidity.

    Great personality though I bet

  • No, not even that.

  • GULP

    FUN FACT THAT SERIOUSLY EVERYBODY SHOULD KNOW BY NOW: PG-13 didn't exist until 1984, it went straight from PG to R.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Of course! Standard Trivia Fact: Temple of Doom was the first pg-13 flick.

  • Mrs. Julien

    [waiting for klingonfree to get distracted from her Hathaway Loathfest by her simmering "Beyonce Is My Ann Miller Because Ann Miller Is the Annoying Jazz Hands Walking by Which ALL Annoying Jazz Hand Walking Celebrities Must Be Measured" hatred.] Christ, I hate Ann Miller!

    I don't mind Beyonce. I think she worked very hard to get where she is and the near-Goop aura of entitlement that comes across is almost inevitable at that level of fame. Plus she can actually sing and in the current popular music climate, that goes a long way with me. She does need to wear more clothing though, that eight year old was right: Beyonce, honey, you have talent. Keep your clothes on.

  • e jerry powell

    That wish didn't work on Mariah Carey either, so it's like wasting breath.

  • ,

    "worked very hard"

    She stands in front of a microphone, sings and sort of dances.

    Unless you mean looking pretty is really really HARD WORK.

    BTW, I throw this out to my fellows Jibs: I once had a dream in which Beyonce (of all people) was just about to go down on me and at that moment I woke up. I've been conflicted ever since: Should I be glad or pissed?

  • Kballs

    If she was dancing while going down on you, you should be glad she didn't get started. She would've ripped your dick off.

  • mswas

    I thought it was pretty risky of her to be flinging her hair into the crowd at the end. I really thought someone would grab her head and pull her off the stage.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I'm sure it's detachable, like an iguana's tail.

  • e jerry powell

    Weaves are like that! Though I don't know if it's a one-piece unit or is totally sewed in.

    Don't mock me. All the women in my family are black women, so I know way too much about buying "good hair."

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I find there is some sort of dissociative gap between writing about the sniper who was killed and then smirking "anyone who puts a gun to Tom Cruise's head..."

  • Slash

    Eh ... (note I did not watch the game or halftime show)

    I've never been impressed by her dancing. She usually looks like she's having a seizure (which a lot of dancers do, actually).

    Her singing ... not the best, far from the worst.

    She is very beautiful. So if she was trying to communicate "I had a baby a year ago and I look like THIS," well, mission accomplished. She looks great.

  • Every time she tries to hit high notes, my vocal chords cringe in sympathy, because she just can't do it. She does a lot of screaming.

  • David Sorenson

    And warbling. She can't just hold a note. She has to beat it to death like it killed her parents or something.

  • mairimba

    But DID she have a baby? ....

  • Kballs

    Yep, they're real.

  • Badlands

    Best halftime performance since Prince???

    The Boss says hi

  • PDamian

    All I remember from that performance was how damn sexy Kelly Rowland was. Why don't we get to see more of her?

  • e jerry powell

    I was too busy looking at her new weave.

  • David Sorenson

    Hell yeah. Glad I'm not the only one.

  • Guest

    Kelly, Kelly, pretty dresses. (best I could do, I just woke up)

    I'm hoping its okay to post this link (to a fashion blog I follow) if not, I accept the wrath of the Pajiba Overlords! http://www.redcarpet-fashionaw...

  • ellcoolj

    My 8 year old daughter said "She's not wearing enough clothes"... and beyond the booty-shaking I was bored by her performance...

  • Mrs. Julien

    Is it just me or has it been a while since we've seen you? Even if it just my incipient dementia talking, welcome back, man!

  • ellcoolj

    Besides my iphone addiction I am becoming a Luddite in terms of watching enough TV/Movies (besides New Girl), so I don't get to comment enough... and I get the pleasure of harassing Dustin in person, so there's that...

  • katy

    Why did I read the comments?! I'm going to dunk my head into ice water now and try to get on with my day.

  • logan

    I KNEW i saw nipple last night! God Bless High Def! Also knew I would see that nip on the internet today! God Bless the internet! Where else but the Super Bowl can you get your sex and violence in a socially acceptable package?
    God Bless America!

  • Buck Forty

    You can't say that without including a link, c'mon!!

  • OldRod

    I knew it too - I rewound my DVR and tried numerous times to freeze frame at just the right moment to prove it to my wife who thought I was dreaming. It was oh-so-brief... and oh-so-pretty :)

  • Kballs

    I'm sure your wife loved breaking down the tape Zapruder-style, desperately searching for a hot rich lady's nipple.

  • logan

    Are we only supposed to look at poor ladies boobs? if so how poor? Below median income or below poverty level? Or the Republican middle class of $250,000 per year?

  • ,

    Somewhat off topic, but ... that $250,000 line has been relentlessly mocked, and sure, it would be an annual fortune in West Virginia, but could some of our MetroJibans educate us on how much real estate $250,000 would get you in New York or D.C. or Boston or San Francisco? I'm guessing in some parts of the country, $250,000/year damn sure is middle class.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    250,000 will not get you a co-op or condo studio in Manhattan. It will maybe get you one 20 minutes away from Manhattan by subway, but it will probably be a 3 or 4th floor walkup in an older building.

    $250,000/yr is still way above middle class in NYC, though, regardless of what the NY Times may say.

  • Kballs

    Rich lady boobs are glistened by virgin tears and can buy your man away from you WATCH OUT LADIES!!!

  • mairimba

    You're five year old is spot on. She's a great performer and an overrated artist.

  • zeke_the_pig

    As much as I don't see the appeal of Beyonce, I have to give credit where credit is due: for a hydraulic-powered alien dancebot from a dimension in between time she does a pretty decent impression of a human being.

  • Natallica

    That header picture is delicious fodder for the reptilians theorists

  • BlackRabbit

    Especially with the Illuminati symbol she flashed during the show.

  • Tom

    Why is Beyonce so mad at me in that first GIF? I don't remember doing anything to her. Did I not give her enough of my adoration?

  • kushiro -

    Angry Beyonce always makes me laugh.

  • Slash

    Don't you know she's fierce? Duh.

    She will jack you up as only a multimillionaire married to another multimillionaire can (not that I don't think she could kick MY ass, she totally could).

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