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The Therapeutic Anger Edition of Pajiba Love

By Seth Freilich | Pajiba Love | February 25, 2013 | Comments ()


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You know those times in your life when you're just angry? Not mad, not fired up, but unadulterated, red-blooded anger. TK on his worst day times a kick in the groin. That kinda anger. You know that? Well yeah, that's me right now. The real-world job is beating my ass down and I'm taking it out on you. Jennifer Lawrence approves. So shut the f*ck up and sit the f*ck down, it's Pajiba Love Anger, you ass rats!

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You know who's an assh*hole? No, not Seth MacFarlane (well him too -- we'll get to that). The Jamaican beef patty eating Florida bus driver. (Sun Sentinel)

Referring to the driver that way reminds me of "The Garbage Picking Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon". Tony Danza as a Philadelphia Eagle, y'all. It's f*ing stupid. The Eagles, meanwhile, are owned by Jeff Lurie, a producer who won his second Oscar last night with the documentary short Inocente.

...I have no link for that, just wanted to share a text I got last night: "Jeff Lurie has now won two Oscars and zero Super Bowls." Mother f*ck!

You know who else has got some anger issues? The guy over at Unreality. I don't agree with most of the entrants on this list of TV characters he wants to kill off, but I like where his head's at. (Unreality)

So, the Oscars. I'm not angry that Anne Hathaway won. Desperate begging for an award aside, and despite the most rehearsed speech in a long time, girl killed it in Les Mis and deserves her statue. I'm god d*mned f*ucking outraged however that, as of the time of this writing, Twitter has suspended the account for @HathawayNipples. It's bull sh*t, yo! (Celebitchy)

Angry as I am right now, it seems like the whole south east is a sh*t-ton angrier, least according to this map of nationwide wrath:

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Check out more "maps you never knew you needed." They're rad. (BuzzFeed).

Maps are cool and all, but I want an angry t-shirt! Something to provide a hipstery, visual representation of my anger. But my go-to place for t-shirts doesn't have anger going on right now. Because this Cat-At shirt, man ... it's adorkable. (Qwertee)

"Archer." It's the funniest show on TV. Are you watching it? If you answered no, just go kill yourself. Alligator hallucinations, people! (Uproxx)

You know who else should kill himself? Seth MacFarlane, for absolutely ruining our shared first name. Despite my hatred of most of his shows, I actually like and the guy and have defended him in the past. But last night, his schtick wasn't just terrible, but it was homophobic and misogynistic and also terrible. Makes me want to drown my sorrows in a keg. Which means I need to buy this beer barrel bed. (This Is Why I'm Broke)

On the way to my bedroom, wherein I see a normal bed that's not a beer barrel bed (damn it!), I see my messy towels. Try though I may to stack 'em like Bed, Bath and Beyond, I can never get 'em right. Turns out it's because BB&B f*cking lies! (Neatorama)

Clearly, my life is a waste:

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(Source: The Curious Brain)

...Let's turn this thing around and try to go out on a positive note, make something of this day, yeah? How about a nerdy physicist proposal? (io9)

Speaking of love, I love my Onkyo receiver. Lets me hear Seth MacFarlane's sh*tty jokes in high fidelity. If you're looking for a quality receiver, check this list out. (Lifehacker)

Also speaking of love, last year there was a little web series on Yahoo called "Burning Love." It was a take on your dating reality shows starring Ken Marino and it was flipping hilarious. The second one is airing on Yahoo now (Yahoo!), and the third series is already in the can too. But if you're not hip to the modern internet viewing, E! begins airing the original tonight. Come for the Jennifer Aniston and Kristen Bell, stay for the Malin Ackerman and Natasha Leggero. (e!)

Yeah, suddenly I'm feeling a lot less killy. Let's do the video thing and call it a day. With Oscars on the brain, here's Trey and Matt talking about their trip to the Oscars:

And we'll end as we started, with Jennifer Lawrence. I need to make her mine:



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • amanda

    I just spent like five minutes being totally mesmerized by the dual side-eye action happening in that first GIF of JL.

  • Those maps burn through the shroud of self-loathing we feel for having watched (again) the Oscars live, when it's so much better and time-efficient to pick up the highlights in the morning. There should be an Oscar night before pill, to get us through to morning. Oh wait....

    But, oh, the glory of those maps!

  • Nadine

    HUSH PUPPY WAS ROBBED

  • Kballs

    I have no problems with a woman accentuating her nipples . . . unless it's Anne Hathaway because hers are pretentious and insufferable. Did you see how smug they were in Brokeback? Like, "Hmm, this back seat does nothing for our pigmentation, eh lefty? Is it cold in here?"

  • SottoVoce

    Ahem. It's Leftye, not Lefty.

  • chanohack

    Okay look, since we're all venting, I'd like to say this as well: you know what I have in common with Salma Hayek? We are both dyslexic (a word I am always very careful to spell correctly). Reading something other than your native language from a teleprompter in front of a huge audience on live TV is a nightmare scenario.

    And right before she did it the douchey host basically said, "We never understand what you're saying because you're Hispanic, but who cares what you're saying? That's not important. You're hot. You can stay." Dude is an ass, any way you slice it.

  • rio

    I jump on the rage wagon with the italian election. Can somebody please save us from ourselves? Do we have to wait until Berlusconi tries to occupies Poland? Can somebody intervene now? Can all the dumb ass old people that voted for him die? Can I have a valium?

  • dizzylucy

    This wrath map concerns me. Apparently things are fine here, but if I drive about 10 miles south and step over the county line, people are ready to riot.

  • ,

    You think THAT'S something, I live in West Virginia. If I moved six miles north to Pennsylvania I'd add 10 years to my lifespan.

  • Guest

    Something that upsets me: Someone telling other people to go kill themselves, even when it's said in jest.

  • mswas

    I agree with this, and I disagree with the downvote.

  • BWeaves

    So journalists get one shot at asking a question, and they ask those?

    When I was in college, I would occasionally have a class with a journalism major in it. They were the STOOOPIDIST people I'd ever met.

  • denesteak

    Ha. I wouldn't call people interviewing celebrities "journalists." I certainly wouldn't call celebrity news journalism either...

    To be fair, sometimes asking the stupid questions is totally, absolutely necessary. That's kind of part of our job -- to ask the stupid questions for the stupid masses (because believe me, majority of people are pretty dumb. Reporters included.)

  • Bert_McGurt

    I think the Gluttony map is even funnier - it's pretty much just Texas and the Carolinas.

  • QueeferSutherland

    Everyone, come quick: I'M OFFENDED! We're now at the point where someone is sexist and homophobic because jokes were made about boobs and musicals? SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE! I BET HE BEATS WOMEN!

    Damn what would we do all day if we were suddenly unable to complain about utterly trivial occurrences that don't affect a single person's life in any meaningful way? These were harmless softball lines that barely qualified as jokes. The guy isn't a scumbag simply because the material weren't hysterical.

  • InternetMagpie

    Thing is, words DO effect a person's life, or groups of people's lives, in a meaningful way.

  • Jezzer

    I just take a different view of things. There is nothing more smug, self-important, hypocritical, blatantly self-aggrandizing, and outwardly patronizingly liberal while being secretly racist, homophobic, and misogynistic than Hollywood and -- by extension -- the Oscars. Seth MacFarlane did what I've been wanting an Oscar host to do for decades: refuse to take Hollywood seriously. Sure, a lot of the jokes fell flat, and a lot were patently offensive, but they all had roots in Hollywood's self-image vs. Hollywood's actual practices.

    Julia Roberts trying to claim all the attention from Denzel Washington's Best Actor win a few years back was more egregiously offensive to me than anything I saw last night.

  • janey

    But everything he said had that self aware I'm not really making that joke to offend anyone attitude to it. That is why I found his hosting kinda boring and flat. If he was refusing to take Hollywood seriously and was the host because of it then own it. Own that attitude. Make people rise up and support you or rise up and hate you. He kinda just made me fall asleep.

  • Even Stevens

    That was basically Ricky Gervais, and he pissed off everyone

  • InternetMagpie

    UGH I HATE HER SO MUCH FOR DOING THAT

  • lowercase_ryan

    look at the substance on you. Upvote even though I am PAINED!

  • oilybohunk7

    Michigan's wrath isn't concentrated in Detroit? How is this determined? I call shenanigans.

  • Monica

    Definitely shenanigans. How is New Mexico that angry? Just because it's sandwiched between Texas and Arizona? Even Arizona isn't that angry... I don't trust this map.

  • Slash

    Aw, Jennifer Lawrence. It's official: she's America's Sweetheart. Sorry, Reese and Sandra. You're out.

    When that dummy asked her about falling, and she said, "Whaddya mean what happened?" LOL

  • VonnegutSlut

    Jennifer Lawrence is on track to reach Sandra Bullock levels of beloved adorableness. Her genuine WTF?! bewilderment at the almost wholly asinine questions is extremely endearing.

    ****Here's what I basically heard****

    Oscar Press Conf. Host: And, now, Jennifer, we go to 193 on your far left.

    193: Congratulations, Jennifer. I'm Captain Obvious with the "Do You Know We Need To Breath Air To Survive Daily Gazette." Do you think gravity was ultimately responsible for your fall on the way to the stage?

    Jennifer Lawrence: (looks confused, then laughs) Fucking magnets, how do they work? So, yeah, jackass, I do. Next?

    Oscar Press Conf. Hose: Number 108?

    108: Well done, Jennifer. I'm with the "Dipshits Vying for Their 15 Minutes on Youtube Picayune." Do you think the fact that you possess two eyes & one nose made your performance in "Silver Linings Playbook" easier for you?

    Jennifer: (gives sidelong glance to Host & just shakes head ominously)

    Oscar Press Conf. Host: Aaaannnddd now onto 73...

    73: Hi, Jennifer. I'm with the "I Know That Nouns & Verbs Exist So Now I'm A Journalist Times." Just wondering: you've got boobs.

    Jennifer: Is that a question?

    73: Yes.

    Jennifer: I don't think--there was no...

    73: BOOOOBS!!!

  • chanohack

    The clip shown here doesn't show the end of the interview, but the host said, "And this will be our last question," and Jennifer blurted "Oh, thank GOD." Where do I sign up to be her best friend?

  • lowercase_ryan

    this is why I can never even hope to get in on EE.

  • Jezzer

    If you look really closely at that map, there's a tiny red dot in the Northeast.

    That's TK's house.

  • lowercase_ryan

    His is purple, cause when blue turns to rage, you get purple.

  • mswas

    Now THAT'S an EE contender, if ever I heard one.

  • Hoof Hearted

    As someone who lives in the middle of the rage-belt (wrath-belt? hate-belt?)--Georgia--I can attest to this map's accuracy. Wow, folks around here have become (more) unhinged.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    You should look at the other 6 "Seven Sins" maps. The same regions are full of them, though not exclusively.

  • PDamian

    Maybe so, but after living in Minnesota for six years, I think I can say that Midwesterners are every bit as angry as Southerners. They've just suppressed it to the point that they don't even realize they're angry -- after all, anger isn't "nice." Lovely folks, but there's fifty shades of passive aggression and ruthlessly suppressed fury here.

  • Bodhi

    The 2nd season of Burning Love is a wonder to behold

  • anikitty

    I always wondered what happened to George Clooney's bat suit. Thank you Anne Hathaway for repurposing it into an undergarment for the Oscars.

  • kushiro -

    Fakest moment: Hathaway looks at her Oscar and "spontaneously" says: "It came true." That couldn't have been less spontaneous if it were printed on cue cards. Just like that "blerg" thing at the Globes.

    Don't try humble, Anne. Nobody believes you.

  • celery

    Everybody in the lounge of my dorm went "Awww..." when she said that, and I remained silent but inside I was like "Really. Really?"

  • lowercase_ryan

    I would have loved to see her field questions after about nothing but the Princess Diaries.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I've expended my anger at him elsewhere, so I'll just say that Seth MacFarlane is an asshat, misogynistic pri*k, scumbag, fuck-face,
    dickhead, asshole, and leave it at that.

    Anger is so cleansing. I feel like I've had a high colonic!

  • competitivenonfiction

    I think we can spread the blame further. People approved his writing. They choreographed the song. Many others participated. The fact that the Academy picked him as a host was telling in itself. I'm sure it surprises no one that the entertainment system is sexist, homophobic and shady as fuck. It's just more obvious this year.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    If we could've just had The Avengers hosting, Jennifer Lawrence running commentary and a lot more Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Daniel Radcliffe dancing, I would've been a lot happier watching that stupid show. Also, every once in a while, a beauty shot of Adele, just because.

  • ZombieNurse

    If you had to deal with the kind of heat and tornadoes that people in the southeast do, you'd be pissed off too. REDNECK RAGE!

  • Robert

    I must have missed the homophobic jokes from Seth, unless you count his slam against Rex Reed mocking Melissa McCarthy for her weight in a film review as homophobic.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Introducing the cast of Chicago because "the show wasn't gay enough" or something like that.

  • Robert

    I must have missed that. I don't remember that introduction sounding like that at all, to be honest. It might have. Considering how much Seth himself was singing and dancing in traditional musical style, I don't know how much he would have even tried to sell a joke like that on air.

  • lowercase_ryan

    this is what he said:

    This year marks the tenth anniversary of Chicago winning best picture. We now want to bring out the stars of that game-changing musical because we're concerned that tonight's show isn't gay enough yet.

  • Kballs

    Well, musicals are pretty gay. There's lots of over-emoting and singing your feelings and earnestness and same-sex touching and laws against their rights and many Catholics hate the shit out of them for no concrete reason and my god the fucking sparkles MAKE IT STOP!!!!!

  • AngelenoEwok

    LA Gay Men's Chorus?

  • Jezzer

    What was homophobic about that? The Gay Men's Chorus has been around forever, but it takes Seth MacFarlane to finally get them a national showcase at the Oscars. And his joke about not being a member of the chorus was clearly a swipe at the people who talk about having gay friends and immediately ending their sentence with "BUTIMNOTGAY."

  • AudioSuede

    Exactly. Clearly that joke was designed to make Seth look hypocritical.

  • AudioSuede

    That wasn't homophobic, they're an actual group in LA that performs as the "Gay Men's Chorus."

  • AngelenoEwok

    Yes, I know.

  • PDamian

    I'll admit, I LOL'd when Shatner insinuated that MacFarlane would join the Gay Men's Chorus by 2015.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    It's not insinuation when you flat out say it. I thought it was funny and I feel like people are twisting themselves in knots to find it offensive.

  • Soupy_Sales

    Because it's Pajiba. Everyone here must find Seth MacFarlane offensive and hate him. I believe it's in the rules.

  • John W

    Phrasing.

  • L.O.V.E.
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