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The Return Of Jack Bauer, Plus 1 World Trade Center Finally Rises From The Ashes

By Agent Bedhead | Pajiba Love | May 10, 2013 | Comments ()


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It's official -- the most inappropriate question in social contexts is no longer to ask a pregnant-looking woman, "When are you due?" Instead, one should make sure to never ask a young couple, "So how did you two meet?" Incidentally, if you are the member of such a couple who feels that no one would ever understand how you met online, I'd advocate jointly making shit up. (Grantland)

Pierce Brosnan has signed onto what he calls a "passion project" that involves him impregnating a very young lady played by Jessica Alba. What was it that we were saying a few weeks ago about how leading men age but their ladies stay the same? Yeah, that. (Film School Rejects)

If you're already feeling a little bit stabby today, I'd recommend not checking out this chart of each state's highest paid employee. In retrospect, this is highly predictable, and I'm not sure why anyone is surprised at all. (Deadspin)

Kiefer Sutherland is said to be in very serious talks to return to television in a new incarnation of "24" (as either a regular or mini-series) because his current series got cancelled after two seasons. Is this exciting? It's hard to hate on Jack Bauer. (Slashfilm)

GPS is the devil, y'all. From drivers who have driven into lakes, houses, and sand pits as well as those who have landed in (wtf?) cherry trees, I think we all need to think several times before placing blind faith into these damn machines. Recalculating. (Mental Floss)

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Isabella Rosellini is so damn kooky. She's already dressed up like a bee to illustrate, well, the birds and the bees. Now she's moved on to demonstrate ... toad sex. (Vulture)

Ryan Gosling refuses to eat cereal, and Ryan McHenry has created a series of videos that feature Gosling doing just that. Some people really do have too much time on their hands. (DListed)

A Japanese man has created some mind-blowing art by using not oil or pastels or watercolors but Excel spreadsheets. My late Japanese grandmother would have declared that this is not "bunch of junk." (Kotaku)

One would think that an interview with Uwe Boll would reveal him to be a very egotistical and deluded dickbag, right? Not a thoughtful, amusing, and mildly well-spoken guy. Darn. (Film Drunk)

Kellan Lutz (a.k.a., Emmett from The Twilight Saga) has broken up with his girlfriend of over a year, Sharni Vinson. I once showed photos of these two to my gay boyfriend, and he snapped his fingers (for effect) and said, "You know, there IS such a thing as trying too hard." (Celebitchy)

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This photo of James McAvoy in X-Men: Days of Future Past is really swinging and kinky looking in a scary, creepy, serial-killer-on-the-subway sort of way. (The Mary Sue)

Naturally, the media is still digging into Charles Ramsay's past. Can't we just accept that the guy did some bad things a decade ago, but he did his time and clearly made amends? Nothing negates the very good thing that he did in helping to free Amanda Berry and friends. (Warming Glow)

Snoop Lion Dogg has finally opened up and admitted all of that "pimp" talk was for real, and he really did drive around a van full of chicks who turned tricks for him in exchange for money. Will this admission finally crush the soft spot that so many people hold dear for D-O-Double-G? (Rolling Stone)

This morning, 1 World Trade Center received its longer-than-a-football-field-sized spire and now stands 1,776 feet tall, which makes it the tallest building in the Western Hemisphere. Technically. Maybe. The debate continues. (Buzzfeed)

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Star Wars is indeed a neverending nightmare. I'll never forget the time that I thought a cardboard cutout of Jar Jar Binks was an intruder in the children's section of my old bookstore. Here's an "adorable" drawing that shows Princess Leia strangling Jabba the Hutt. (Unreality Mag)

Are we still filtering through the remains of Monday evening's Met Gala? Yes, we are. Nice side boob, Kirsten Dunst. (Go Fug Yourself)

Finally, here's some glorious masturbation material (for the grammar nazis out there in the audience) in the form of a video that details 38 common grammar or spelling errors. I'm sure that this column contains at least one of them. Happy hunting.

Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at celebitchy.com.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • DominaNefret

    They had all of the Green Porno videos playing in the Animal Sex exhibit at the London Museum of Natural History in 2011. They are all great, but the snail and the duck are the best. I loved them enough that I bought the book/DVD.

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=2xy...

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=Ehw...

  • God bless Isabella Rosellini.

    And toads.

    With the sex.

  • RE: Pierce Brosnan...I don't have any trouble believing that his latest movie is a 'passion project' because hey, I'd be passionately in support of any project that involved me and Jessica Alba too.

  • SnowMan

    Can we please just get the rumored Jack Bauer/John McClane team-up, "Die Hard 24/7."
    Seriously, how could that not be the awesomest?

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    I'm slightly ashamed of just how hard I know I'd watch that.

  • Drake

    That grammar video got me hot!

  • bleujayone

    What's that? Uwe Boll comes off as being a nice guy? Well no kidding he does! The most diabolical minds out there NEVER present themselves as mustache twirling, cackling madmen who announce their evil plans as though they just escaped from a Saturday Morning Cartoon...... No, no... They always come across as the ones you'd never suspect. Whether they eat BBQ ribs with you, dress up as clowns for children's birthday parties, work at candy factories or are just more charming than a prince- the most evil of the evil always wear a facade of normalcy. That way they can get by for years unimpeded with their dastardly deeds until one day they are finally caught and everyone always says the same thing; "I never would have suspected him. He seemed like such a nice person." Naturally in Boll's case he got it ass-backwards in that we saw the handiwork, we found out who was responsible THEN we find out he comes off as a nice guy. If he had gone so far as to work under an alias, he'd have been able to continue to crank out cinematic loafs. All the while poor Alan Smithee or Judas Boothe would continuously take the blame while that nice guy Mr. Boll seems to toil along tinkering with something or other in his basement or garage. But he always waves to us when we pull into our driveway every evening.

    Meanwhile, a new, horrible menace awaits us on SyFy....

  • Mrcreosote

    There is very little that is quite so stupid as the 1776 ft height of freedom tower. Lower Manhattan is an island that slopes towards the water-the tower has a footprint of about a city block. The height from corner to corner can vary by as much as six feet if not more. Add to that the fact that the building goes below grade and has multiple levels at the entry and 1776 is a fictional number. This is without dealing with the fact that a building that large is a moving entity that shrinks, expands and sways. Buildings are not static-there are a lot of variables. Luckily stupid people don't begin to understand that and are easily entertained by imaginary building numbers. In case you were wondering the square footage of the highest occupiable floor is 1812 square feet, the height to the first mechanical floor is 1945 inches, the last 10 stories were added via addendum and are referred to as the Bill of rRghts and the glass is tinted red on the lowest floors, Blue on the highest and a clear white in the middle. Also the building is 40% overweight, doesn't know how to locate China on a map and consumes 80% more energy than all other buildings in the world. The memorial on the site is emotional and moving. Let's not cheapen it with cutsie numerical tricks.

  • I know, right! It's almost like some people don't understand what the world "symbolic" means.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    What you say about measuring height is true of all skyscrapers, though, and yet all skyscrapers are assigned a height. Now that they've stopped calling it "The Freedom Tower" which was unbearably jingoistic, I don't mind the homage to the USA in foot numbers (which can't be undone at this point anyway). It won't matter around the world when the height is reported in meters, anyway. And it especially won't matter when the CTBUH determines that the antenna is an antenna and not part of the building height.

    Btw, I couldn't tell at what point - if any - you got sarcastic. I haven't noticed any difference in the tinting on the glass from floor to floor.

  • Mrcreosote

    All of my facts are fake. Heights aren't assigned, they are calculated as part of the code study of the building, and there is often heated debate about those numbers. The race between 40 Wall Street and the Chrysler Building for tallest building in the world is legendary. I just think of the 1776 number as a cheap trick like the "Mile of Cars" plot in Used Cars. I don't want a pretty powerful building defined by the same terms as a B level Kurt Russell movie.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Fair point, though I have no knowledge of that movie. And looking back on your comment, I did realize at some point you turned to sarcasm, as the overweight/and 80% energy usage. But I've been on cold medicine this whole week, so I'm gonna cut myself some slack.

  • Robert

    I've told this story round here before so I'll go with the abridged version. At the last NYC (really NJ) Fangoria convention that ever happened, Uwe Boll took to the stage and charmed the pants off of everyone in the room. We're talking hardcore horror fans walking out talking about how he's not such a bad guy after all. He's smart, he's charismatic, and he knows film. He just doesn't know story, structure, characters, or themes other than "life sucks, deal with it." But damn, don't those long, loving shots of green green grass look pretty in what should be action/horror films?

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