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MTV VMA Awards Will Never Be Able To Top Britney With A Snake, Plus A Thorgi!

By Agent Bedhead | Pajiba Love | August 23, 2013 | Comments ()


plbritney1.jpg

Mister Summer Hit Maker of 2013, Pharrell, is truly ageless. See how well you do on this quiz of picking which Pharrell is older. It’s actually not that difficult of a quiz. (Vulture)

Speaking of cheekbones, Joey Quinn (that dude from “Dexter”) has lost 30 pounds, and damn, his face looks razor sharp now. Cocaine or exercise? Or both? (Warming Glow)

Watch out, Daniel Carlson. Olivia Wilde is now a contributing writer at Buzzfeed too, but she didn’t write a list. Instead, she wrote about how you should embrace V.O.D. and also watch her new movie, Drinking Buddies, in Kansas this weekend. (Buzzfeed)

If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like if Robert Pattinson and Mia Wasikowska made out, here’s your chance to gawk at them on the set of David Cronenberg’s latest movie, Maps to the Stars. Watch out, Mia! The Twihards are gonna get you. (Wonderwall)

What do “Cyprian scepter,” “Master John Goodfellow,” and “staff of life,” have in common? They’re all relatively ancient ways to describe what I refer to as a “wang.” (Mental Floss)

This weekend’s MTV VMAs should be mildly interesting for the promised performances from Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, Robin Thicke, and Justin Timberlake. But can the ceremony add to to this list of wild VMA moments in pop culture history? (Rolling Stone)

The City of Los Angeles has done the unthinkable and decided to dispense with the (500) Days of Summer bench. There’s an official, practical explanation for this act, but I suspect it’s secretly a protest against the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope. (Videogum)

Ben Stiller has decided to completely crush all of his remaining goodwill stores by bringing a “Reality Bites” television show to NBC. Seriously, what’s his glitch? (Deadline)

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Jennifer Love Hewitt is most certainly preggers as these photos reveal. I’m also guessing “Client List” is on hiatus from shooting, right? This would not enter well into an escort-based storyline. (DListed)

Joss Whedon explains his major problem with The Empire Strikes Back while still calling it one of the best sequels of all time. (Slashfilm)

I got so incredibly stoked to write about Trent Reznor yesterday that I didn’t even mind the context of the conversation, which was Kanye West. (Celebitchy)

Kurt Russell has a son named Wyatt who is super cute (where’s he been hiding out, anyway?) and has signed onto Channing Tatum’s 22 Jump Street. Ugh, that is a terrible sequel title. (Film Drunk)

Introducing the Thorgi. Yes, it is a Corgi dressed up like Thor. Poor doggie. (The Mary Sue)

Serena Williams looks bloody gorgeous in this dress. Also, she could kick your ass into the next time zone, and there’s something appealing to that realization, right guys? (Go Fug Yourself)

Apparently, there’s a new video game that requires dudes to bake real cakes for their girlfriends. God, gamers are fucking weird. (Kotaku)

Reese Witherspoon loves Jennifer Lawrence too. If you forget about Reese’s recent drunken, hillbilly antics, she’s just like us! (HuffPo)

Finally, here’s the Divergent teaser trailer that will be “revealed” during this weekend’s MTV VMA awards ceremony. For anyone else who’s read the book — doesn’t this look like a surprisingly bland adaptation?

Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa. She & her little black heart can be found at celebitchy.com.




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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • DominaNefret

    A baby panda was born at the National Zoo today. Locals are calling for it to be named North West.

  • googergieger

    I call mine a cocksicle.

  • Some Guy

    Somewhere, somehow, someone is going to invent time travel purely for the purpose of going back in time to the year 2000 to have sex with Britney Spears and ensure that the Cheeto Federline fiasco never happens.

    I'd be willing to volunteer myself for the obviously perilous mission at hand.

    Get on it, scientists.

  • amylu

    My but Desmond Harrington was a beautiful, beautiful man. I can't NOT watch Wrong Turn any time it's on tv; I can't miss the opportunity to ogle that face.

  • Jose Bonds

    The Williams sisters would have long since gone the way of Lance Armstrong and Marion Jones if pro tennis did steroid tests like the Olympics and the TdF. The New York Times had an interesting article on the laxity of their testing regimen:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03...

  • Pawesl

    Venus and Serena have won multiple Olympic titles. So clearly they have been tested. Maybe they really are just that good.

  • e jerry powell

    Why is MTV still trying to top "Like A Virgin" at the Music Awards?

  • Slash

    I think "Vogue" is the high point, actually. Say what you want about Madonna, but she knows (knew?) how to put on a production number.

  • What the phuck is a Pharrell?

  • Mrs. Julien

    Let's fone him and phind out.

  • Berry

    I can't stop laughing at that, and not just because I'm totally tipsy right now either.

  • Mrs. Julien

    You're still loopy from the shock of your first downvote. It will pass.

  • Berry

    Well... that is true, actually.

  • Three_nineteen

    Link to Kurt Russel's cute son does not work.

  • Mrs. Julien

    It's probably looking for a government handout. The links today, I tell you. [shakes head]

  • Joe Grunenwald

    Desmond Harrington looks like he has an eating disorder. Whoever is in charge of the lighting on DEXTER must love making him look as sickly gaunt as possible.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    I remember when he showed up on Justified and I actually gasped in shock when I realized who he was. He looked about 55 and an unhealthy 55 at that.

  • LucyKlein

    I'm glad someone else is pointing this out. I couldn't figure out what was going on, since, he is *so* thin.

  • BWeaves

    I will now be referring to my netherlands as The Privy-Council.

    True story: I have a lady friend who is in her 70s. She is an MD, which just makes this funnier. She gets the giggles every time someone mentions the movie "Free Willy." She toured Vietnam and didn't buy a single souvenir, because the monetary unit is the "dong."

  • WhoDeyKY

    Wow, I had forgotten how hot Brittany was....thanks for the reminder Pajiba:)

  • Berry

    Never noticed it before, but poor Britbrit's boobs look painfully squished in that outfit. You want to lift and separate, not flatten and cut off all circulation. Have Trinny and Susannah taught us nothing?

  • Sara_Tonin00

    That's not everyday fashion though - that's a bra made for high-impact dancing, and you don't want a wardrobe malfunction, which means squishage.

    I see that picture and I think of her today and then I think: I wish I could go back in time to my 15 year old dancer body self and appreciate. Just appreciate.

  • BWeaves

    Uh, that bra is slipping down because it's too small. The bottom is halfway down her ribcage, and the top is about to show her nipples. It think it must be glued on to prevent a wardrobe malfunction, which may explain the weird shape.

  • Becks

    I think she probably just has the actual bra part filled with those chicken cutlets that push your girls up. It isn't slipping down, just a conscious ultra-boobage decision on Brit's part.

  • Maguita NYC

    I forgot about the sports bra! I make sure mine squishes my boobs all the way to my armpits. Do not want droopy boobs! I know it is silly, but it freaks me out whenever I see a lady running with boobs flapping all over the place; can't help but grab at mine making sure they're firmly in place.

  • Mrs. Julien

    It looks so horribly painful. Did you see the episode of the Gilmore Girls where Sally Struthers was running and crossing her arms over her chest.I nearly fell of the couch laughing.

  • Maguita NYC

    I forgot about that scene! That lady was awesome on GG. I just can't help it though, I really hurt for those poor bouncing boobies and grab on to mine in sympathy.

    Also, I hope you're buying Mrs. J, I need uber dark chocolate today!

  • Mrs. Julien

    I took that part down. It was trying too hard; I will provide metaphorical deliciousness instead:

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Is that Paul Newman in a speedboat near London?

  • Mrs. Julien

    All the best things are.

  • Berry

    That was not too hard. I especially enjoyed the win-win-win, which I took to be a reference to one of the best Office episodes ever.

  • Maguita NYC

    oh, now I see it! The pic was not up yet, damn you Disqus!

    Oh my, is that Paul Newman? He has very kissable lips.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Okay, so I couldn't literally provide ice cream, so I wanted to provide a hot guy instead and first I chose Idris Elba (see below), but then I thought he might be an inappropriate or offensive choice because you had asked for chocolate ice cream, so I thought about a picture of Daniel Craig in chaps for Cowboys and Aliens which both sets me a flame and moistens my lions something fierce, but then I remembered that you are crazy and have your right to your opinion and you don't find him attractive (btw, how is that even possible?), and I don't have any great photos of Sam Elliott or much depth in my hot guy files because this is a work computer and although they never have, you never know when they might scan one's file contents and find them inappropriate so I went with a classic shot of Paul Newman, but I guess that didn't float your boat (rimshot!) so here is Elba after all, a bonus Henry (OMG, HISGL) Cavill, the chaps photo of Daniel Craig for those of us who are in our right minds, and a french kiss for good measure.

  • Mrs. Julien

    P.S. When I found the Elba photo, I think on Resa's AMAZING Tumblr, the caption was "Here I come to steal your woman".

    Seriously, her Tumblr is awesome.

    http://resakaye.tumblr.com/pos...

    ^^ That's not the homepage, but you will (OMG, HISGL) thank me.

  • Maguita NYC

    I've heard good things about the lady before. Will surely check this out. The one with the HC, OMG. HISGL, md is quite effective!

  • Sara_Tonin00

    That tumblr is hilarious; this is brilliant:

    http://resakaye.tumblr.com/pos...

    (and kudos to Cavill owning his Intro to Greek Mythology facts)

  • Maguita NYC

    Thank you Mrs. J. But that Paul Newman pic was all sorts of subdued hotness. Just the way he is, nothing too-try hard is just sexy as hell.

    Again, those lips!

  • Berry

    The wardrobe malfunction aspect never occurred to me. Come to thing of it, that top really does look like it would take more than dancing for it to slip off, which is of course a good thing when you're performing live for god knows how many viewers.

    I was never even a dancer, but my teen metabolism was crazy, so I hear ya.

  • Maguita NYC

    I believe that was before when she used to work out hard, her boobs were that high and firm. Her body was hot, but unfortunately, I could not forgive her for giving us the low-rise jeans with peeking g-strings. I hated that passing fashion, especially on 13 year-olds.

  • amylu

    Her boobs were probably that high and firm because her implants allowed them to be -- more so than the working out.

  • Berry

    That was a horrible trend. Won't we all be happy when it comes back as "retro" in a few years or minutes.

  • Maguita NYC

    BITE YOUR TONGUE! Never, ever please.

    Especially the low-rise jeans, blatantly showing g-strings, low cut top over MUFFIN love handles on 13 year-olds.

    No!

  • Mrs. Julien

    I always wanted to put my arm around those girls and take them aside to explain that fashion is not always your friend. But I wore jelly shoes in the 80s, so what do I know?

  • Maguita NYC

    But your mother I bet did not let you flash your over-sexed panties to the world when you were a teenager! If you were an adult, that's your business. But when you're 13 and walking around the mall WITH your mother while wearing that.

    no.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Would that my stays had been oversexed (in a totally age- appropriate way).

  • Alas, we were not equipped with the right sort of stays in our youth. I discovered actual corsetry in my 20s, and life was very, very good.

  • Berry

    Yeah, and some brain trust thought it was a good idea to bring back 80's fashion too (jelly shoes made an appearance on GFY just last week, or was I hallucinating that?) , so you know we'll be shaking our head at the low-rise, g-string muffin top combo again sooner or later. I'm sorry, Maguita, but it's better to be prepared. This way it won't come as such a shock.

  • Maguita NYC

    Do not make me downvote you for this Berry!!!!

    Grunge never came back. Since grunge, the 80s have made a comeback twice already! Once in 2000, and the next in 2006.

    So no.

  • Berry

    I wonder... Could certain hipster ways of dressing as ugly as you possibly can be considered the grunge for the new millennium? Yes? No? Maybe so?

    And downvote me if you must. But please remember that it'll be my first, and be gentle.

  • Guest

    ..

  • Sara_Tonin00

    *sigh* I don't even remember my first.

  • Maguita NYC

    Eh? you never forget your first... Non?

  • Sara_Tonin00

    my first downvote? no.

    My first other things, oh yeah. I swear: I sharpied a mark on *the pair of socks I was wearing* when I received my first real kiss. And they were not at all integral to the kiss. I... don't really know why. I just felt it was momentous to remember the entire outfit.

  • Berry

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

    (I hope you've seen The Wire, Maguita, 'cause this one's for you.)

  • Maguita NYC

    F*CK IT! That was too awesome Berry, I'm taking your cherry!!

  • Berry

    It hardly hurt at all!

  • Maguita NYC

    That's what happens when you leave it to a pro with a gentle knowing touch.

  • Berry

    That... thing, however, does hurt. BUT I used my emotional scars as an excuse to pour myself yet another class of wine, so it all worked out in the end.

  • emmalita

    Oh Berry, do you remember when you were a lurker? And then you posted as a guest named "Berry"? Ah, and then Mrs. J gently coaxed you into joining Disqus. And now you've had your first downvote. Your a full fledged Pajiban now. I have sentimental tears in my eyes. Drinking is the appropriate celebration.

  • Berry

    Sniff. We grow up so fast.

  • Maguita NYC

    I deleted the whole thing! Felt too bad, I just couldn't.

    Coitus Interrompus, sorry Berry. Next time, I'll go... through with it. Promise.

  • Maguita NYC

    Now that is too tempting... Being your first.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    comes back?! did it ever leave? no, say the asses in front of me in the subway stairwells.

  • Berry

    Ha ha, talking asses are funny... But I did think the most extreme passion for the horror show had passed. Guess not.

  • Of course Whedon didn't like the end of Empire. They didn't kill Han.

  • BendinIntheWind

    I liked Reese *more* for her drunken hilbilly antics.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I would find it hilarious, except that her husband was driving a car in that condition.

  • BendinIntheWind

    No, of course, and drunk driving disgusts me, but I just love how she seems so tightly wound and perfectly manicured at all times, just to see some of the veneer slip off a delicious bit of schadenfreude.

  • xihetafolex

    мy coυѕιɴ ιѕ мαĸιɴɢ $51/нoυr oɴlιɴe. υɴeмployed ғor α coυple oғ yeαrѕ αɴd prevιoυѕ yeαr ѕнe ɢoт α $1З619cнecĸ wιтн oɴlιɴe joв ғor α coυple oғ dαyѕ. ѕee мore αт...­ ­ViewMore----------------------...

    I've heard good things about the lady before. Will surely check this out. The one with the HC, OMG. HISGL, md is quite effective!

  • Mrs. Julien

    tomandlorenzo.com were hilarious about her smiling for the paps goodwill tour.

  • BendinIntheWind

    Oh my god YES! I am living for the "I Am America's Fucking Sweetheart!" parking lot tour '13.

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