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The First and Only Time You Will Ever Rejoice at This Phrase: "Ladies and Gentlemen, Taylor Hicks!"

By Joanna Robinson and Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (45)

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Why, hello to JoJo’s sweet cybermen and weeping angels. Ms. Robinson’s computer took an afternoon bunk sabbatical soon after uploading Karen Gillan’s legs onto Pajiba, so I’m going to fill in best I can. She’s already added the links here, so I’ll attempt to provide the whimsical descriptions:

It’s hard to work up much interest in a pillow fight between two dudes (or even a crowd full of people in Harvard Square), but male-on-male pillow fights should be done in only one way: With pillow maces. (Who Killed Bambi?)

I have no fucking idea what the Hurr Durr is (is this some Green Lantern Kilowog alien language?) but this nifty website will translate other web pages into the Hurr-Durr speak for you. Looks like mentally disabled pirate blogging. (HurrDurr It)

Here are the answers to 11 burning questions about the meaning behind certain song lyrics. I have no idea which that Joanna would highlight, but my favorite revelation is that the Jester, the king and queen, the girl who sang the blues, and Satan referred to in Don McClean’s “American Pie” were Bob Dylan, the Kennedys, Janis Joplin and Mick Jagger. Also, Alanis was totally singing about Uncle Joey. (Eleven Points)

Details explores the growing number of couples who decide not to have children. As someone who is friends with a lot of these couples, I must say: Stop it. Bear some fucking children already. You have a responsibility. You’re bright people who would raise intelligent beings. It’s not you that we want to stop breeding. It’s the others. Show some respect for humankind. Keep this Fun Fact in mind when making your child-bearing decisions: There’s a child born to a Tea Party member every six seconds in America. (Details)

Which one of these adorable princesses is not like the other? Hint: It’s the one that’s going to grow up and kick all those other girls’ asses. (DC Women Kicking Ass)

I’m beginning to sense a theme now to Joanna’s links, but I can’t quite articulate it. This article is about the dearth of women of color in the Tech World. Again, ladies of color: Someone needs to offset the Zuckerbergs who dominate the the gadgets and thingamabobs and doohickeys. (TechCrunch)

Joanna has been hitting up The Mary Sue a lot lately, and for good reason: There aren’t enough sites out there dedicated to the Geek Girl. This post has something to do with Buffy … wait, that’s all I have to say, right? Buffy! (The Mary Sue)

This headline is actually Joanna’s, but it’s unfinished. I leave it to y’all to fill in the blank: “Local Wisconsin Democrats submitted 100% of the signatures needed to demand a recall election of Republican State Sen. Dan Kapanke. The news is sending shockwaves through the state — and revitalizing those who are working tirelessly on gathering the signatures needed to recall the remaining … ” (Recall The Republicans)

There’s an ad out on Craigslists right now soliciting people to post right-wing comments on liberal websites. I’m not making this up. It’s like that story from a few weeks ago I read about guys being hired to call in to sports-radio talk shows around the nation. Did you know that we also hire people to post comments correcting our grammar on the site? We just like the abuse. (Craiglist)

Joanna’s favorite Bill Haverchuck scene AND a reference to “Spaced” AND one of her favorite South Park episodes in this list of sitcoms that pay tribute to other sitcoms, inspired by that recent episode of “Community” that paid tribute to “Cougar Town.” (SplitSider)

Fans of “Archer” (Hey! That’s me now) who didn’t get a chance to read all of Pam’s back tattoo on last week’s episode, here it is: (Warming Glow)

A musical about Rasputin called Beardo. Yes, please. Or something wittier indicating general pleasure. (Laughing Squid)

At Wondercon this weekend, Joe Wright called bullshit on Zack Snyder’s kick-ass feminist message, stating that it was “marketing bullshit.” On the one hand, good for Joe Wright. On the other, I think Vince over at FilmDrunk sarcastically summed up the sentiment appropriately: “Joe Wright heroically calls Zack Snyder a sexist to promote his own girls-kicking-ass movie.” MovieLine)

I never made it past the 9-second mark when attempting to listen to Rebecca Black’s YouTube sensation, “Friday.” But when Stephen Colbert sings it — along with the Roots, Jimmy Fallon, and even Taylor Hicks — the song is instantly turned into one of the most energetic, rousing, joyous things I have ever fucking seen. It kills. Even if you have vowed to never listen to Rebecca Black’s version, you have to give this one a go.









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Comments

the growing number of couples who decide not to have children

I know plenty of these people as well. And while you're right in that they're smart and more successful, I tend to think that this choice is hardly ever made on the fly. They've considered it and determined that this is what works best in their lives.

It's the people who don't think about it that get into trouble.

Posted by: Fredo at April 4, 2011 2:40 PM

Somewhere, high in his lair hidden inside a dormant volcano, what was once a man is reading Craigslist and laughing. The laughter grows louder and louder, taking on the edge of unfettered madness as a bolt of lightning splits the blue-black sky.

"At last. At long, long last," the shattered hulk says, throwing back a hooded cloak to reveal a horrifically scarred face. "MY DAY HAS COME. LET THEM TREMBLE, FOR TODAY, TODAY BELONGS TO BIGTODD."

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at April 4, 2011 2:41 PM

You have a responsibility. You’re bright people who would raise intelligent beings. It’s not you that we want to stop breeding. It’s the others. Show some respect for humankind.

Ah, the old Idiocracy argument. I had a college roommate who BEGGED me to have children (of my own, not with her) after seeing that movie. I remain unconvinced that my progeny could possibly save this country.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at April 4, 2011 2:44 PM

Tracer Bullet is my new liege lord. (Sorry Kballs).

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 4, 2011 2:50 PM

Did you know that we also hire people to post comments correcting our grammar on the site? We just like the abuse.

You mean we're not all volunteers? Fuck taht. I'll right how I want two noww.

Posted by: Robert at April 4, 2011 2:53 PM

Oh, hell. That "Freaks and Geeks" scene makes me cry every single time. I don't know why. I suppose I relate to it a lot.

At least you finished off the column with something as joyous as Fallon and Colbert to make me happy again.

Posted by: beckster at April 4, 2011 2:59 PM

I think the best part of the performance was Taylor Hicks randomly punctuating each 'Yeah!' that followed 'Party, party' with a harmonica.

Posted by: Aislinn at April 4, 2011 3:04 PM

Sorry, Dustin. I'm not having a baby just cuz you say so.

I know that argument, I understand that argument, I even agree with that argument, but I just can't do it. I'm not cut out to be a mom.

On the bright side, my best friend, who I similarly thought for the longest time would never have a baby, had a baby. He's going to kick ass and save the world.

Posted by: MM at April 4, 2011 3:05 PM

As someone who is friends with a lot of these couples, I must say: Stop it. Bear some fucking children already.

As one of the friends that you keep despairingly making this point to, I must say:

No.

With that said, if I were to have a daughter, I'd want that kid in the Batsuit.

Posted by: TK at April 4, 2011 3:11 PM

Everlastingly sick of people telling me to have kids.
Next time someone tells me that I "will want them eventually" I am going to encourage them to retroactively abort theirs.


Hrmph.

Posted by: meh at April 4, 2011 3:15 PM

I have never had the urge to have a baby and honestly the thought of a little parasite growing inside me is vomit inducing.

Posted by: Jadashay at April 4, 2011 3:16 PM

I have learned not to find out what various songs mean, because it always, always ruins them.

Posted by: Todd at April 4, 2011 3:20 PM

Dear Parents who want other people to have kids in order to save the world:

I have a solution! Why don't YOU have more kids? It's a win-win!

Posted by: An Atlantan at April 4, 2011 3:22 PM

My biggest pet peeve (based on a reoccurring nightmare) of people asking me when we're having kids is that I will find out I can't. I cannot imagine having to hear that question constantly knowing I am unable to do so. I'm at the phase of "I will want them one day, maybe even soonish", but not yet because I still shudder at the thought of pregnancy. Plus we are broke, and babies are costly, yes?

Posted by: Patty O'Green at April 4, 2011 3:26 PM

Parents want their friends to reproduce for two reasons and two reasons only:

1) Parents, especially new parents, are incredibly fucking insufferable and want any excuse to talk about parenting all the goddamn time.

2) Misery loves company. We see you with your disposable income, clean white carpets, active sex lives and leisurely Sunday mornings with the New York Times and we fucking hate you for it.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at April 4, 2011 3:27 PM

You have a responsibility. You’re bright people who would raise intelligent beings.

So they too can watch in mute, impotent horror and frustration?

Little Julien is the Best Thing Ever in the History of Ever, but sometimes I feel so much guilt about the planet, the pornification of culture, the political situation, the impact of my own situation on what I both can and can't provide for him, and the possibility of things going horribly awry in some way that was hitherto unimaginable, that I get completely overwhelmed at the myriad ways I have already managed to fail him. Then I feel guilty that he doesn't have a sibling because everyone should have someone they can turn to and say, "Mum is crazy".

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 4, 2011 3:28 PM

The adult world is not divided between single and married/in a relationship people. The adult world is divided between those who do and those who do not have children. And the parents are totes jealous of your freedom, but the hugs make it all worth it.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 4, 2011 3:32 PM

This can't possibly be Pajiba Love. I didn't see one word cloud. I'm so confused.

Posted by: Carface at April 4, 2011 3:32 PM

Proviso: I admit that I have never had to live with a 12 - 15 year old girl, so what do I know.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 4, 2011 3:33 PM

Is Dustin Rowles the best? Yes.

Posted by: Joanna Robinson at April 4, 2011 3:40 PM

Not only do I want children, I want to have more than one and because of the idea that reproducing at more than under replacement levels is selfish and horrible for the earth I feel like I should collect vouchers from my friends who choose to not have children. That way, they can answer the "Idiocracy" argument with "Yeah, I've got someone taking care of that for me, and she's college educated and reads and all that good shit. And she has a much higher tolerance for spit-up and screaming." Win-win!

Posted by: Intern Rusty at April 4, 2011 3:53 PM

Yesterday was Sunday.
Today is Monday.
Tomorrow is Tuuuuuesdaaaay.
[bites head off rat]

Posted by: superasente at April 4, 2011 3:53 PM

If you think smart people are ever gonna outnumber dumb people, no matter how much each group breeds, you're in for a rough awakening.

I've become convinced that the default state of humanity is stupidity, and intelligence makes inroads only because the stupid are too busy looking at something shiny or watching the Kardashians on TV.

Yes, I realize how depressing this is. One of the reasons I myself am childless (but not a child hater, I hasten to add).

Posted by: Slash at April 4, 2011 3:59 PM

Sorry, while I love being an uncle and I enjoy hanging out with my friends' kids from time to time, I have absolutely no interest in having children of my own. Perhaps its selfishness, but every time I visit with a friend's child I'm truly thankful that I can leave them after the visit and return to my child-free life.

Posted by: Itched at April 4, 2011 4:05 PM

Is a "rough awakening" the one you have to pay 10 bucks extra for?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 4, 2011 4:05 PM

Everlastingly sick of people who think "tea party member" means stupid. Stupid is telling your constituents that cutting $60 billion from a $3 trillion budget (more than half of which is deficit) is crazy and expecting them to believe you.

The tea party people I've met and talked to don't trust either party and think running a massive deficit every year is a bad thing. It's a shame that those who genuinely deserve your contempt (the congress that created this sh*thole of an economy and have no interest in fixing it) have succeeded in pitting the rest of us against each other.

I thought liberals were the open-minded ones, the people who didn't think it was cool to characterize a diverse group with simple labels. Silly me.

Posted by: Uncle Mikey at April 4, 2011 4:11 PM

I am not having kids, the Duggars filled my quota.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at April 4, 2011 4:11 PM

"Everlastingly sick of people who think "tea party member" means stupid"

Goodness, where would we have gotten that idea?

Posted by: Exploding Head Syndrome at April 4, 2011 4:17 PM

Where are all of these alleged couples with no children you speak of? I mean, I'm sure they're around, but as the literal SOLE member of both of my close groups of friends who is not a parent, I have seriously considered hitting Craigslist to find friends who still do things like go to concerts and shop at places other than Pottery Barn Kids and just generally leave their homes at all outside of work hours (little so-and-so's soccer practice does not count).

Posted by: Nicole at April 4, 2011 4:28 PM

Where are all of these alleged couples with no children you speak of?

From the sounds of it, zooming around on their gold-plated hovercrafts?

Posted by: branded at April 4, 2011 4:36 PM

"I have learned not to find out what various songs mean, because it always, always ruins them."

It's also usually wrong. Most songs like the ones in that post are ambiguous for a reason. People like to believe that every word is actually referring to something concrete, when it's often not. This doesn't mean it's meaningless either, as the author of that post seems to conclude whenever he can't get a definitive answer.

Posted by: JohnnyBee at April 4, 2011 4:43 PM

Exploding head, googling liberal protest signs is no less appalling, and no less insufficient to define the mindset/intelligence of an enormous group of people. The very few reporters who've bothered to actually investigate tea party members tell a very different story.

Did 8 years of loony protesters calling Bush a nazi and wishing death on him and other republicans make the left's objections to Bush invalid? Of course not. Neither do the signs make basic fiscal responsibility a bad thing.

Posted by: Uncle Mikey at April 4, 2011 4:56 PM

Hi Uncle Mikey!

Did the Tea Party signal in the skies over Pajiba alert you to our gosh darned liberality? What shape is it? Is it still powered by candles? Is it 100 candles strong, but you claim 100,000? I hope they have enough barefoot pregnant women to prepare snacks for the big strong men manning the flames.

I have to run - my hubby is coming home soon and I look a fright. I need to freshen my lipstick and teach the triplets to play Rush Limbaugh's theme song on the accordian for the Man of the House's big entrance.

Let me know if you need any help busting unions. I can bake cookies. From scratch!

Kisses,
Mrs. Julien

P.S. Say hello to the Koch brothers for me.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 4, 2011 5:05 PM

You didn't know all that stuff about American Pie? Where have you been?

And I feel like I'm owed some money on the grammar-correcting front.

Posted by: Matt at April 4, 2011 5:06 PM

Uncle Mikey is just keeping it meta for us.

(See above blurb on Craigslist ad. "There’s an ad out on Craigslists right now soliciting people to post right-wing comments on liberal websites.")

Posted by: MM at April 4, 2011 5:08 PM

Oh, Stephen Colbert. What I wouldn't do.

Posted by: Caspar at April 4, 2011 5:10 PM

It's funny, I come from a huge family, I'm great with kids, and adore my niece (and nephew on the way!) but the older I get, the less inclined I feel to procreate. Granted, I'm a few years away from having to explain why, but it's just something I don't think is in the cards for me. My mother was astonished by this news, but I can't reconcile the ethical, environmental, and economical responsibilities with my evolutionary desire to perpetuate my biological line.

This ridiculously wordy comment brought to you by Bored at Work, Inc.

Posted by: nosio at April 4, 2011 5:20 PM

Also: it's a sweet tribute to Spaced (and weirdly, watching The Rock for the first time yesterday, I suddenly got that that's what Spaced was referencing in that episode, after all these years of watching it), but it's not terribly, terribly funnny. Oh well. I'll have to settle for Jessica Hynes et al being referenced at all on a mainstream American thingy.

Posted by: Caspar at April 4, 2011 5:21 PM

I mean *Stevenson*.

Posted by: Caspar at April 4, 2011 5:24 PM

Cas, I always say "JessicaHynesneeStevenson" like she does on the commentary. Also, this is for you, because I love: http://yfrog.com/h731476576j

Posted by: coveredinbees at April 4, 2011 5:27 PM

I know it's galling in the extreme to have your political beliefs derided on a website. I get it all day every day. Rather than not frequent certain sites or hide my beliefs for fear I won't be one of the cool kids, I'd rather go where I please and say what I think.

And as easy as it would be to assume that anyone who thinks differently is dumb, or crazy, or uninformed, I'm going to assume that we just see things differently. I'm willing to listen to other views and try to understand why they are what they are.

Posted by: Uncle Mikey at April 4, 2011 6:06 PM

All I know is that girls who kick ass kick ASS!

Posted by: Odnon at April 4, 2011 6:32 PM

Wow. What an exhilarating display of condescending, passive-aggressive, holier-than-thou bullshit. Thank you. I truly enjoyed reading that.

Posted by: Exploding Head Syndrome at April 4, 2011 10:33 PM

Next time someone tells me that I "will want them eventually" I am going to encourage them to retroactively abort theirs.

Oooh, I'll have to remember that! I'm what the article called an 'early articulator.' I've been saying since I was 11 or 12 that I didn't want kids. Back then I got a lot of the 'eventually...' thing and I suppose it was understandable. I'm 25 now and only more sure that I don't want them, so now it just annoys the crap out of me when I do hear it.

I'll stick with my dogs.

Posted by: Gabs at April 4, 2011 11:33 PM

Regarding your comments about the great parody made by Fallon and Colbert. I think there are many who rejoice at the comment "Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Taylor Hicks"
I think the children and parents at the Cancer Hospital rejoiced when he helped to raise nearly a million dollars for them. I think the veterans, some blind and with limbs missing, rejoiced at the show that he put on for them only a week ago. I think Carson James, the 16 year old with bone cancer in Birmingham rejoiced at being able to open a show for Taylor. I think the hundreds of thousands that have attended his live shows over the last few years and enjoy his voice and the great rock and blues band he performs with rejoice at the very thought of him.
His energy, his voice, his performances, his work ethic, his incredible harp playing are something anyone should rejoice about.
He has and will be performing with the Nevilles, Robert Randolph and the Family band, Soulive and too many more to name. He is a respected musician in the world of real live music. I don't know where you live but perhaps you could check him out as one of the headliners at the Telluride Jazzfest this summer and educate yourself.

Posted by: katemay at April 6, 2011 12:24 AM