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The Fictional Character I Would Most Want To Get Sh*tfaced With? Well I Think It Should Be Obvious

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (45)



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It’s another edition of It Takes A Village Pajiba Love! A very happy Friday to you, my execrable educators. Dustin has just scathed and bitched all over Cameron’s Diaz’s new film Bad Teacher, so if you’re looking to be charmed by ol’ Cam this weekend, may I suggest you watch this mesmerizing bit on “The Daily Show.” She pulls out Jon Stewart’s stitches and it’s horrifying/funny/brave/trainwrecktacular. I don’t usually love Diaz (because I find her pretty impressively untalented) but this was fairly amazing. (Evil Beet)

Hey, lovers of ladies, can you do a favor for me? Can you tell me once and for all if Abbie Cornish is an attractive lady? I can’t quite figure it out. I think she has angles. Here, go and look and report back…Are they gone? Cool, all you peeps who love make-up and good deals, Lainey has a semi-secret Sephora page that’s worth bookmarking. Quick, before the non make-up wearers get back. (Sephora)

Speaking of Things We Want, let’s do a round-up of goodies that makes Pajibans slaver. jM is drooling after this cutting board. It’s either for design fetishists or people with OCD. Either way, thumbs up! mrcresosote, on the other hand, is foaming at the mouth for this very non-spoilery “Game of Thrones” shirt. Readers of the novels will love it most of all. I’m pretty sure Pinky McLadybits wants to put all of these in her mouth. Including Darth Vader? That’s a mouthful, lady. And while Katers and I both want basically everything on this entire website, I think Patty O’Green wins for biggest dreamer with this Bruce Wayne-inspired apartment.

Ah, but from a consumer stand-point, nothing beats this story about buying an enormous metal chicken. Oh yeah, you heard me, thanks, KatSings! (The Blogess)

Have you ever left an insensitive, ignorant or abrasive comment on one of our Sex Columns? Cool, then our resident sexpert Dr. Pisaster has a loving gift just for you. Enjoy. (Internet Archeology)

What’s creepier? That link, or this ye olde timey photo series of ventriloquists and their dummies? I’m going to go with the dummies. Many shuddering thanks to Rob R., one of my fav non-commenters. (Go To Public School)

Let’s cleanse our brain with a little sweetness and light. This seems harmless, Time presents their list of the 25 Best Animated Films of All Time. How adora-WHAT?! A BUG’S LIFE ISN’T EVEN ON HERE?! And that’s your number one pick? For shame, foooor shaaaame. (First Showing)

The lack of The Incredibles on that list is also, well, incredible. They also didn’t make this cute depiction of superheroes as flags, but I think the artist only drew from comic books. I can’t identify all the flags, but I know I would gladly let that V flag fly. (The Curious Brain)

I’m think that if Ron Swanson had a flag it would be a Jolly Roger made of eggs and crossbacons. “Parks and Recreation” actor Adam Scott posted this delightful photo of Nick Offerman looking totally smashed, though he’s likely just in make-up from a particularly memorable episode. (Warming Glow)

Speaking of impressive facial hair, this Bob Ross lolcat (bobcat?) is my second favorite thing on the internet this week. jM.jpg

My first favorite thing on the internet this week? That would be the Black Cab Sessions. (Thanks, Yossarian!) The project has been going on for years, so if you’ve already seen it, I wouldn’t be surprised, my pets. I would, however, be disappointed that you didn’t think to share it with me. (Black Cab Sessions)

For all you lovers of “The Wire,” here’s a swell video of all the quotes from the beginning of each episode as delivered by the characters. I think it’s time for a rewatch.

Oh, my darling children of the 80’s, are you excited for thenew “Thundercats” show? I’m very hopeful they’re not going to f*ck with this particular chunk of nostalgia. Here is Panthro himself (the coolest cat, yes?) performing the theme on “Jimmy Fallon.”

Joanna Robinson, if she is being honest, would choose to get sh*tfaced with Nick and Nora Charles. Ron Swanson is pretty high on the list, though. How about you my rambunctious readers? Who is your pick? You can tell me here in ze comments or via Email or the Twitters!









Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance



Why You Should Avoid Comic-Con This Year If You Actually Like Comics | "Just One More Thing": Peter Falk (1927 - 2011)









Comments

I'm pretty sure I've left insensitive, ignorant or abrasive comments in most of the columns here.

Posted by: snapnhiss at June 24, 2011 2:08 PM

Abbie makes way more sense with a lilting, light Aussie accent. Aussie accents make everything more attractive.

Posted by: Tao at June 24, 2011 2:09 PM

That list became null after fucking Tangled (REALLY?! FUCK OFF), Happy Feet (are you fucking kidding me?!), Toy Story 3 (oh, come on, it's derivative and not that great), and putting Pinocchio at #1. What is WRONG with these people? Fuckwits.

Yeah, I take my animation seriously. And including only one Miyazaki film is a crime.

Oh, and EVERYONE knows the best cat was Cheetarah. But Panthra was cool.

Posted by: Figgy at June 24, 2011 2:09 PM

And I'd love to get drunk with Mindy Kaling, Allison Janney and Emma Thompson. We'd hit a male strip club and it'd be epic.

Posted by: Figgy at June 24, 2011 2:13 PM

Yes on Abbie Cornish, but that could just be make-up/lighting/airbrush/magic. Still. I'd hit it. Also offended by your assumption that my liking of ladies precludes me from using make-up. Fie!

Fictional character to drink with...ah fuck it, I'll take Dorothy Parker over any fictional person any day!


[So true, Joker, I was trying to make that all-inclusive and sort of failed. Time to drink more. --JR]

Posted by: Joker at June 24, 2011 2:13 PM

Oh, fictional people. I could still pick people those three played. And include Melissa McCarthy's character from Bridesmaids.

Posted by: Figgy at June 24, 2011 2:14 PM

I pictured you saying For Shaaaaaaaaaaame like Cooper from Eurotrip. I am THAT obsessed with Jacob Pitts.

Posted by: Nadine at June 24, 2011 2:18 PM

That Time list was nothing short of horrific. Awful movies in place of incredible ones. Ugh. Pinnochio!? COME ON!

I find Abbie Cornish stunning and I regretted not including her in my 10. But, I'll admit, my love for Bright Star makes me biased.

Posted by: beckster at June 24, 2011 2:25 PM

"Tangled"? One of the best animated movies of all time? That seems a bit... premature, to say the least. How did it beat "Beauty and the Beast" or "My Neighbor Totoro" or "Ponyo"?

I would love to drink with Tim Riggins. I would drink him under the table, then join him.

(I think the Pajiba 10 articles have my loins ALL stirred up this week)

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at June 24, 2011 2:27 PM

Panthero is BAMF. He drives the tank and he uses fricking nunchaku.Cheetarah is mostly a TCILF. I'm pretty sure he only let Lion-o have the Sword of Omens because the kid needed to be thrown a bone.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at June 24, 2011 2:31 PM

Ha! I just mentioned the Cameron Diaz Daily Show episode in the movie review comments, before I saw it here too. I strongly agree with the horrifying and trainwrecktacular parts of your assessment. Brave, maybe. Funny, not so much.

Posted by: katy at June 24, 2011 2:33 PM

Figgy, I wasn't thrilled with Toy Story 3 either. Though I heard Tangled was cute so I'll still rent it.

I bet Ron Swanson would be a little aloof at first, a little guarded on our friend date at the bar. Then I'd say something ridiculous about the government and he'd buy me a gin and tonic and a plate of bacon. Oh it would be magic!

Posted by: Julie at June 24, 2011 2:40 PM

The ventriloquists and their dummies is the creepiest thing I've seen in a long time. I've NEVER understood why dummies had to be that freaky looking. There just isn't a reason. Lambchop was the only dummy that I could ever say, "Aw! Isn't he cute!"

Posted by: BWeaves at June 24, 2011 2:40 PM

Abbie Cornish? Yes, please.

Posted by: jthomas666 at June 24, 2011 2:46 PM

The thing I want most from the site? (For right now, it'll change.) The gin and Titonic ice tray that makes cubes in the shapes of ocean liners and icebergs.

Posted by: Katers at June 24, 2011 2:47 PM

Fuck you guys, Tangled is awesome.

Posted by: letsspoon at June 24, 2011 2:50 PM

Peter Falk has died. Let's all get up and run in a serpentine pattern in his honour.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 24, 2011 2:54 PM

Tangled was fine, letsspoon, totally cute. But top 25 OF ALL TIME material? No.

Posted by: coveredinbees at June 24, 2011 2:59 PM

Speaking of BAMF, I've always wanted to grab a beer with Wolverine, Nightcrawler, and Colossus. They never a left a bar intact.

Posted by: RobP at June 24, 2011 3:21 PM

I would totally have a drink with Sam Seaborn and Chris Traeger. At the same time. Rob Lowe will make it work.

Posted by: SJfromSJ at June 24, 2011 3:24 PM

OhmygodIamsoboredatworktoday.ItisveryquietandIhaveseeminglyexhaustedmy Pajibaingandallthelinks.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 24, 2011 3:35 PM

Saw a dummy once. Gave me the wig. There... wasn't really a story there.

Posted by: ShagEaredVillain at June 24, 2011 3:44 PM

Love -- Eliza Doolittle on Black Cab Sessions; emergency undies on Neato (why didn't I think of that?) and giant metal chicken (great wedding gift for my dad and his new wife).

Hate-- the Time list (were you really expecting it to be quality?) AND DETEST those dummies and their ventriloquists. Old pictures give me the heebie jeebies anyway because when you think about it, all those people are dead. Plus, nobody ever smiles. Tossing dummies into the mix is like throwing down the gross-out gauntlet.

Btw, is bobcat the King in the Burger King commercials?

Posted by: Stinky at June 24, 2011 3:53 PM

I hear you, Mrs. Julien. I'm here 'til 6, I can't watch any of the videos, and you can only refresh a page so many times before it becomes pathetic.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at June 24, 2011 3:57 PM

At least we have Raoul Bova to think about keeping us warm.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 24, 2011 4:01 PM

And, yes, I did note that most of the ventriloquists were smiling maniacally in the photos, but that's only because the dummies made them.

Posted by: Stinky at June 24, 2011 4:08 PM

I can honestly say this is the first time I've been jealous of a rock. A dirty, whorish rock.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at June 24, 2011 4:15 PM

Rocks are always slutty. It's only after him for one thing. I have at least 7 things in mind for him.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 24, 2011 4:16 PM

Though I heard Tangled was cute so I'll still rent it.

Posted by: Julie at June 24, 2011 2:40 PM

Oh Julie, just watch Aladdin and The Little Mermaid again instead. He's a charming thief, she wants to see the world, and the music is far superior in either/both. Tangled is a sick day movie. And that is not a compliment.

Posted by: Anne At Large at June 24, 2011 4:26 PM

Also, any list that has the modern Horton Hears a Who on it is a list that I just stopped caring about. Also, holy crap how did I forget how awesome the old one is!

http://www.veoh.com/watch/v7112065ZhHEFhr

The narrator is the voice of Snidely Whiplash, to boot!

Ok, I'll show myself out.

Posted by: Anne At Large at June 24, 2011 4:31 PM

Hawkeye and Trapper John from M*A*S*H.

Yeah, I'm old, whatever.

Posted by: Slash at June 24, 2011 4:34 PM

Anne At Large

WORD.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 24, 2011 4:34 PM

Mrs. Julien...as you wish.

Posted by: =DocDoom1= at June 24, 2011 4:35 PM

Yay!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 24, 2011 4:45 PM

Does making one completely unfunny slightly humorous remark about the dirty soundingness of e.e. cummings' name darn me to internet heck? I gots to know!

Posted by: Blake Shrapnel at June 24, 2011 5:38 PM

Hodor.

Posted by: Hodor at June 24, 2011 5:50 PM

Get your clothes back on, Hodor.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 24, 2011 6:05 PM

I'd like to have a drink with Giselle from "Enchanted". It's Amy Adams, and, bonus, the whole bar would break out singing and dancing.

Panthro was the only cool Thundercat. Dude was hardcore. He not only built and piloted all their vehicles, he was smarter and stronger and faster than the rest too. Plus Lion-O had that whole "child in a man's body" nonsense going on, which only made Panthro seem that much more competent in comparison.

Holy fuck, why do I remember this 20 years later?

Posted by: foolsage at June 24, 2011 7:20 PM

Tangled might be cute, but it's nowhere near the level of Beauty and the Beast or Miyazaki. B&B was the first animated movie to get nominated for a Best Picture Oscar! Even if the Oscars are largely a farce, that was a HUGE deal. Did they forget about it?

And How to Train Your Dragon was a much, much better film than Toy Story 3. If anything, Toy Story should be up there because of what it did for the genre and how it completely changed animation. TS3 is far too new to be up on an 'all time' list of any sort.

Posted by: Figgy at June 24, 2011 9:15 PM

I would love to have a circle in the Forman's basement with Hyde, Kelso, Forman, Fez, Donna, and Jackie. I'm sure they could squeeze me in.Then I would sneak off to Hyde's room and make out! Gawd, I feel like a kid again.

Posted by: kirbyjay at June 24, 2011 10:11 PM

Panthro was voiced by the Grandad on the Cosby Show! http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0405165/

Posted by: charlotte brontesaurus at June 24, 2011 10:21 PM

With Dr Macartney and Guillaume Secretan, from Green Wing.
Someone make it happen please.

Posted by: anne at June 25, 2011 12:49 AM

My fictional character drinking Holy Trinity:

1. House.

2. John Blutarsky.

3. Jesus, turning water into wine all night. My man!

Posted by: , at June 25, 2011 1:24 AM

I think I would like to go barhopping with Meredith, she knows how to throw a few back!

Posted by: blacksred at June 25, 2011 6:30 AM

You've a lot of useful ideas! Maybe I ought to consider doing this by my self.

Posted by: DJ Taylor Made at August 4, 2011 3:34 PM