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The Best of Everything of All Time Ever Today

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (81)

Reese Witherspoon 757.jpg

Just a quick note to quiet the confusion in the comments section (hopefully): Mr. Feist will not be returning to Pajiba Love. I sincerely thank him for running the joint this year. However, come Monday, we’ll have a brand, spankin’ new Love Master who I’m sure, like me, you’ll all love and adore. For this week, you’re stuck with me.

As Dave Chen remarked: “This is the dark side of American Freedom”: A woman who ate a 30,000 calorie Christmas dinner and hopes to become the fattest woman in the world. That’s some aspiration. (Daily Mail)

Paste Magazine ranks the 50 Best Living Directors. (Paste)

Hey geeks! Combine two of your favorite things: Bobba Fett and women’s underwear. (Fashionably Geek)

I get the voice, and the attitude, but not much else. But for the ladies that do, here’s some Philip Glenister eye candy. (FlickFilosopher)

This is cool: In 2011, the USPS will be releasing Pixar stamps, and they look spectacular. (/Film)

Sears and KMart are working together to launch a competitor to Netflix. How’s that for … synergy? (TechCrunch)

Reese Witherspoon got engaged to another guy whose name you won’t have to remember. (Evil Beet)

More webcomics to idle your day away: Multiplex mocks Emily Blunt’s participation in Gulliver’s Travel’s; the Digital Pimp Online gets to the bottom of the Steve situation; and RobP continues the Exciting Adventures of the Force Unstoppable.

With the Cannonball Read kicking off again soon, get some reading recommendations from (The Second Pass) and check out the Best Books of the Year. (NYTimes)

Poor Aaron Rodgers: Who does that guy need to blow to get into the Pro Bowl already? (Ugly Fours)

You either love Sofia Coppola, or you hate her. But why can’t I just love Lost in Translation and hate everything else? (Slate)

All that Evangelical ire directed at Harry Potter was totally uncalled for. Turns out, Harry Potter is a good Christian after all. (Dave Chen)

Film Crit Hulk real-time reviews Transformers 2. MEGAN FOX’S BUTT JUST GOT RE-INTRODUCED BEFORE MEGAN FOX. (via Dan). (Film Crit Hulk)

Here’s something I, and many others in my position, can appreciate: Target is going to start targetting Dads with their new baby campaign. (AdAge)

I’m not entirely sure why this is coming up again re: The Dilemma trailer, but Big Hollywood has some salient points to make about the dangers of not making fun of gays, although he sort of unfairly and cheaply used Film School Rejects to make the point. (Big Hollywood)

I got nothing for videos today, but via Mr. Carlson, here’s a reminder of what New Year’s is all about: Blowing your fucking brains out at a Porn Party.










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Comments

Oy. I'm bummed.

Posted by: Natalia at December 29, 2010 12:37 PM

"It's only a wafer-thin mint."

Someone needs to inform that woman that it doesn't matter if she gets into the world record books if it requires a flatbed truck and a construction crane to get her out of her house.

Sitting around and eating is not something to make a career out of. I feel bad for her kids. You know they get all kinds of shit at school for their pathetic excuse for a parent. Would anybody else feel bad if those kids killed her for being a waste of space and oxygen?

Posted by: bignick at December 29, 2010 12:39 PM

Re the 30,000 calorie meal - why is it the "dark side of American Freedom?" It would be the dark side of ANY country's freedom as most nations don't dictate what and how much a person can eat. There are countries where access to food would limit one's ability to do this themselves, but nowhere would you find the fat police knocking at her door and taking away her plate. Stupidity knows no borders.

Posted by: peachfish at December 29, 2010 12:42 PM

I would replace Guillermo del Toro (Hellboy I and II? Blade II?) on the list of greatest living directors with Bong Joon-Ho (The Host, Mother, Memories of Murder).

Posted by: sars at December 29, 2010 12:42 PM

I considered taking the NYT Best Books of 2010 list seriously until I noticed that over half of the authors featured were women - no thanks. Also, who does a guy have to blow around here to get the links to open in a new tab?

Posted by: chuck knows where you live at December 29, 2010 12:44 PM

@chuck knows where you live...

Wouldn't you just need to hold CTRL down while clicking on the link?

Posted by: sars at December 29, 2010 12:48 PM

Do NOT click on that link about the morbidly obese woman while eating lunch.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at December 29, 2010 12:49 PM

Uh, right click and select open in a new tab?

Posted by: nosio at December 29, 2010 12:50 PM

I hear right clickin on windows or ctrl clickin on OS X will let you do that. I'll admit though somedays my clickin finger is too tired and I get to ragin'. Solidarity, Chuck Brotha.

Posted by: Ian at December 29, 2010 12:50 PM

"Lost in Translation, which earned Coppola the allegiance of Moleskine-toting aspirants across the land, moved toward ruminative transition shots and hand-held work that she and others said was inspired by early Wong Kar-wai—though Coppola's burnt-out deadpan shared little with Wong's high, ecstatic burnish."

What a load of bullshit.

Posted by: Todd at December 29, 2010 12:54 PM

"However, come Monday, we’ll have a brand, spankin’ new Love Master..."

Look, I'm not one to shun responsibility, but I sure as fuck hope it isn't me. Between miscellaneous legal fuckery, Christian Singles In My Area I've destroyed emotionally, and random "I think you might be my father" emails, I've taken myself off the digital contact grid. In other words, I didn't get the goddam memo.

But then I read the "...you’ll all love and adore" part, and knew I was in the clear. My only contribution to society is inspiring hatred and a general sense of unease.

Sincerely,
Skittimus Maximus Esquire, III
Inspiring Hate & Malice Since 1973

Posted by: Skitz at December 29, 2010 12:55 PM

and RobP continues the Exciting Adventures of the Force Unstoppable.*

Holla!

I have to admit, Dustin is my favorite Pajiba Lover.


* Yes, I took the time to re-link the quote. You all know the drill: Hate the game.

Posted by: RobP at December 29, 2010 1:06 PM

want stacey nosek back

Posted by: arrrghzi at December 29, 2010 1:09 PM

You can always count on William H. Macy to get a point across.

Posted by: valerie at December 29, 2010 1:10 PM

When that well deserved coronary kills the fat woman, I wonder how much I could make leasing her carcass out to the Japanese as target practice or maybe as a possible Greenpeace decoy?
Could I charge them by the kilo and would it be immoral of me to start sending her care packages?

Posted by: peanut at December 29, 2010 1:10 PM

If Prisco had done this column, we wouldn't have seen the link to the list of 50 best living directors, since it has Sophia Coppola on there.

Happy new year anyway, Pajiba.

Posted by: TheOtherGreg at December 29, 2010 1:13 PM

I will miss you, Feisty.

I volunteer to be the Love Master. I have a whip at the ready...

Posted by: dammitjanet at December 29, 2010 1:13 PM

Peanut, I don't think it's wrong. If she wants to exploit herself in this manner, exploiting her corpse shouldn't be that bad.

Rather than sell it for target practice, why not sell the meat to poor African nations? If we're going to filthy and disgusting, let's go for the whole nine yards.

Posted by: bignick at December 29, 2010 1:15 PM

@bignick "why not sell the meat to poor African nations?"

No thank you. We have restrictions on BSE infected meat.

Posted by: peanut at December 29, 2010 1:20 PM

@peanut

And with the right amount of money, people forget all about restrictions.

Posted by: bignick at December 29, 2010 1:22 PM

Hmmm. My comment was blocked. Probably for calling the large woman a filthy word.

(Sorry, Mr. Balls. It's automated. It junks the C-word automatically. -- DR)

Posted by: Kballs at December 29, 2010 1:23 PM

Aw, dude. I liked the Feist as the Love Master.

Posted by: sarahk at December 29, 2010 1:23 PM

Rodgers isn't in the Pro Bowl for one simple reason:

Atlanta: 12-3 (clinched playoffs, may win division)
New Orleans: 11-4 (clinched playoffs, may win division)
Philadelphia: 10-5 (clinched division)
Green Bay: 9-6 (on the bubble for playoffs)

Posted by: Three-nineteen at December 29, 2010 1:31 PM

"Hmmm. My comment was blocked. Probably for calling the large woman a filthy word."

Moist?

Posted by: Robert at December 29, 2010 1:34 PM

FEIST!

Posted by: Odnon. at December 29, 2010 1:54 PM

I miss Stacey, I'll miss Jeremy but I have DR now (sweeeeeet...), and spanks from the new LoveMaster to look forward to. It's all good, people.

Posted by: JapJay at December 29, 2010 1:59 PM

Hey DR, please clarify comment blocking on Pajiba. I commented on the Xmas loot post and it never went up. I did use the one naughty word, but it's one I see here all the time. I also posted a link to an artist's site, but there's nothing there that's offensive either and other times I've posted links they go up just fine. I'm very confused...

Posted by: Mrs Smith at December 29, 2010 2:06 PM

Robert,

Actually, I called her a (rhymes with) ditch and (rhymes with) shunt.

Posted by: Kballs at December 29, 2010 2:14 PM

I miss Stacey too. And I'll miss Jeremy too. Dustin is nearly as cute and almost as sassy as either of them, so he's a decent substitute.

Posted by: Kolby at December 29, 2010 2:17 PM

@kballs Cunning stunt ;)

Posted by: peanut at December 29, 2010 2:20 PM

LEAVE EMILY BLUNT ALONE!

So that is the movie she filmed instead of Iron Man 2? Daaaaaammmmmmmnnnnnnnn!

Posted by: John W at December 29, 2010 2:21 PM

I forgot the other forbidden word on Pajiba was forbidden. I can't forget my inability to discuss the second greatest comic series by Jhonen Vasquez, but I easily forget that other one.

Posted by: Robert at December 29, 2010 2:26 PM

(Sorry, Mr. Balls. It's automated. It junks the C-word automatically. -- DR)

Capers?
Champion?
Creamy?
Chive?
Crisp?
Cacaphony?
Cocaine?
Champagne?

There are literally thousands of word that start with the letter "c."
Whatever. I'm outta here. I'll see you next Tuesday.

Posted by: superasente at December 29, 2010 2:36 PM

There's newness happening all in this bitch.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at December 29, 2010 2:39 PM

What about "twat?"

Posted by: Kballs at December 29, 2010 2:43 PM

Aww, shit. Now that fat, selfish, bitch of a giant twat is gonna feel the jist of my wrath:

I hope all the money from her internet "job" cushions the trauma of her kids watching her carcass get airlifted through the roof in 3 years.

BOOM!!!

Posted by: Kballs at December 29, 2010 2:46 PM

I hope all the money from her internet "job" cushions the trauma of her kids watching her carcass get airlifted through the roof in 3 years.

Or they'll just burn the house down instead.

For the record, I loved Stacey, I loved Jeremy, and I'm sure I will love the new linky master. It's all about love, people.

And quit saying nasty things about Jeremy. You can say, "I did not enjoy his Pajiba Love links," but don't say shitty things about him as a person, yo.

Posted by: MM at December 29, 2010 3:04 PM

"Actually, I called her a (rhymes with) ditch and (rhymes with) shunt."

- Posted by: Kballs

"Rich Hunt?"

"No, his brother Mike."

I actually went to high school with a Michael Hunt. Some peoples parents man. As for the new LoveMaster, as long as we continue to get the occasional cute dog video, I think we'll be alright.

Posted by: Groundloop at December 29, 2010 3:17 PM

Rodgers isn't in the Pro Bowl for one simple reason:

Atlanta: 12-3 (clinched playoffs, may win division)
New Orleans: 11-4 (clinched playoffs, may win division)
Philadelphia: 10-5 (clinched division)
Green Bay: 9-6 (on the bubble for playoffs)

Even as a Green Bay fan, I just can't rank him above Brees or Vick despite team records though Rodgers is again carrying the team almost single-handedly without a running game (as is Brees). Team record only would come into it with comparing Rodgers to Ryan, as both are fairly close, statswise.

Regardless, the Packers/Bears game is going to be good this week (yes, I'm purposefully ignoring the NFC West).

Posted by: branded at December 29, 2010 3:18 PM

Does anyone even watch the Pro Bowl? I tried once but I have a hard time watching players just goof around in a meaningless game. It's like preseason but with the good players. Anyways, heres hoping the Packers beat no chin this weekend.

Posted by: Al Borland's Beard at December 29, 2010 3:31 PM

Anybody else curious about Feist no longer doing this? Shit started going down in his last Pajiba Love post, and now it isn't up anymore. Did he quit? Was he "forced to resign"? I know I probably won't get an answer, but I'm intrigued.

Posted by: pissant at December 29, 2010 3:41 PM

pissant - The curiosity is killing me as well.

Posted by: M at December 29, 2010 3:54 PM

Dustin: I know that you know that you don't owe us shit. You provide a great refuge for all of us here at Pajiba. But it might be a good idea to have a bit of clarification (like you did today at the top of Love) about the changes. Yesterday everyone was confused about the whole Sarah comment. I mashed it up with Feist being gone, and thought it was all related to BigTodd. Man, was I confused.

I know it's technically non of our business. But this place is like family, so it makes it feel like it should be my business, ya know? I think it might put a bunch of us at ease to hear officially from you about the staff changes.

I will now go stand in front of a mirror and say "go fuck yourself" to spare you the trouble.

Posted by: Scully at December 29, 2010 4:08 PM

The news is this: Feist isn't doing Pajiba Love anymore.
Everything after that is gossip.

Posted by: superasente at December 29, 2010 4:47 PM

Aw, I'll miss my darling Jeremy and his bitchy-goofy stylings--and if folks are saying bad things about him, well...I don't want to read them. But I can still get my Feist fix over on his blog, Dustin is doing a fine job in the meanwhile, and I'm sure our new P-Lover will be just fine.

Posted by: meaux at December 29, 2010 4:59 PM

"I actually went to high school with a Michael Hunt."

He's not as big as Michael Hawk, I'm betting.

Posted by: JapJay at December 29, 2010 5:04 PM

3/4's of the comments on this site are gossip. (The rest fall under 'obscene'.)

Posted by: TWoP_Fan at December 29, 2010 5:06 PM

I LOVED Jeremy's link choices and I enjoyed his commentary. I could tell Nosek was getting fed up with the gig before she left, she frequently sounded angry but I'm sorry to read that JF was being abused by some assholes on here. I can't access a lot of the links so I made a point of coming back here once I got home so I could check them out. No offense to Dustin, but his stuff doesn't do it for me. I'll miss you Mr Feist.

Posted by: snapnhiss at December 29, 2010 5:54 PM

@JapJay

Not being familiar with the K Hawk in question, I'll have to accept your assessment. That being said, the M Hunt of my acquaintance was actually a pretty big dude. Played rugby, threw the javelin, and at all times carried himself with a quiet dignity.

Posted by: Groundloop at December 29, 2010 6:04 PM

Why don't more people off themselves at New Years parties? Seems like a fine time to do it, what with all the pomp and circumstance.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at December 29, 2010 6:47 PM

@Jim Doggie

Kills the mood, among other things. Plus, having to start the cleanup/disposal of evidence before the ball drops is a real pain in the shitter.

Posted by: Groundloop at December 29, 2010 6:58 PM

I will miss the Feist. The kid was okay.

Rumor is they killed him and ate him.

Posted by: greer at December 29, 2010 7:21 PM

I bet the word WAS "Creamy". "Creamy" is a gross word and should be banned. It's almost as bad as "moist". I had a related client who wanted to describe her product as "moist and creamy" on her website in a non-porn capacity. I told her she would get a whole lot of traffic that would ultimately be disappointed.

I will miss Feist. I thought he was great.

Posted by: malechai at December 29, 2010 8:28 PM

Posted by: superasente at December 29, 2010 2:36 PM

I see what you did there and I like it

Posted by: Even Stevens at December 29, 2010 8:41 PM

Boo Fucking Ya!!!
Fuck off to whither thou spawned Feist. I'd call you a worthless faggot but they'd just call me a homophobe even though I don't fear homosexuals at all and I actually like quite a few gay people. I use the word in the South Park sense.
Seriously this has made my day, nay my whole week. what can I say watching airplanes go back and forth on a monitor can drive a man insane.
That is all.

Posted by: Jack Random at December 29, 2010 9:16 PM

but I'm sorry to read that JF was being abused by some assholes on here. ...... I'll miss you Mr Feist.

Posted by: snapnhiss at December 29, 2010 5:54 PM

I'm proudly one of those assholes. So eat you delusional fag hag.

Posted by: Jack Random at December 29, 2010 9:38 PM

Much like whoever has to write the TV and DVD round-ups, the person controlling Pajiba Love will be more prone to random assholes popping up to spout homophobic/sexist/racist nonsense against a contributor they can find every day under the same heading. The round-up writers have thankless jobs and it's no wonder we've seen a few start to have breakdowns, need breaks, or quit this bitch. I do not envy whoever takes over Pajiba Love on Monday. I only wish their tenure on the site be free of homophobic/sexist/racist trolls who take joy in kicking someone down for being different/linking to a story they don't like and celebrate that person's leaving the site. No wonder everyone stopped posting links to their e-mail addresses and personal blogs on Pajiba articles. I like to keep that random harassment off of projects I'm working on, too.

Posted by: Robert at December 29, 2010 9:42 PM

Oh, you used the disgusting word in the South Park sense. Well, thank you for clearing that up, Jack Random. Otherwise I might've mistaken you for a fucking asshole, whose soul is decrepit and hateful because he probably never got hugged by his ex-con father or his cock-sucking whore of a mother when he was little. HAHAHA, what a funny circumstance that would've been! I probably would've told you to go fuck yourself with a gas-pump until you bleed gasoline out your eye-sockets!

Boy oh boy. Alanis Morrisette was right; it is ironic! HAHAHA!

Posted by: superasente at December 29, 2010 9:43 PM

Please go away, Jack Random.

Posted by: meaux at December 29, 2010 10:11 PM

Jack Random, I'm trying to see your remarks from your point of view but there's not enough room in your ass for two heads.

Take comfort in the fact that when you get blocked from this site (If you haven't already) that in your honor we'll celebrate your departure in the same fashion you've just shown.

Posted by: Paultera at December 29, 2010 10:23 PM

It's assholes like Jack Random who make me feel like having any sort of negative opinion about anyone should make me feel guilty.

But then I realize I'm not a homophobic internet troll who got tired of YouTube threads and decided to pop on over, and I am alright again!

Posted by: Marcela at December 29, 2010 10:51 PM

AH! I just read his previous post. WHAT THE FUCK? People like you still exist?

"I don't fear homosexuals at all and I actually like quite a few gay people."

OH MY GOD GOOD FOR YOU. You don't run in fear from the gays on the street when you see them? Wow, your parents must be so proud of you! You're like that woman who got in shit for saying the n-word 13 times on television and then said it was all good, she'd had a black friend once.

Posted by: Marcela at December 29, 2010 11:02 PM

sheesh! way to be a dick.

Posted by: gp at December 29, 2010 11:16 PM

Wait, I'm slow. Me?

Posted by: Marcela at December 30, 2010 12:28 AM

Fiest retiring?

Has the end times come?

Who is going to replace his snarky and sardonic comments, his witty repartee, and utterly smart retorts back to the commentee?

Posted by: Lord Ninja at December 30, 2010 1:19 AM

I'm going to miss Jeremy and his posts. Thanks, dude, and good luck in 2011.

Posted by: Alarmjaguar at December 30, 2010 2:21 AM

Hey geeks! Combine two of your favorite things: Boba Fett and women’s underwear.

YES PLEASE!

And I'm sad to see Jeremy go too. I seldom post comments in the Love section, but only because I'm always way too late.

Posted by: Uda at December 30, 2010 3:36 AM

Jack Random, your faggotry knows no bounds.

Posted by: chuck knows where you live at December 30, 2010 8:34 AM

Jack Random

Fuck off and die. You do not belong here. Go back to Fox News.

Posted by: dammitjanet at December 30, 2010 8:36 AM

I'll wear that 'fag hag' tag as a badge of honor.

Posted by: snapnhiss at December 30, 2010 8:40 AM

Posted by: dammitjanet at December 30, 2010 8:36 AM

Seconded.

Posted by: Scully at December 30, 2010 8:57 AM

Jack Random likes penises in his mouth, especially when they move back and forth, and especially ESPECIALLY when it triggers his gag reflex and he pukes a little onto the penis, then he can lick the regurgitated Smarties off of said penis.

But hey, I'm not here to judge.

Posted by: Kballs at December 30, 2010 9:39 AM

Way to ruin Smarties for everyone forever, Kballs.

And way to ruin Pajiba Love with bilious hatred, Jack Random. You won't be missed.

Posted by: RobP at December 30, 2010 9:51 AM

Jack Random is a giant jerk-off who...
...siiiggggghhhhhh...
I'm too late, aren't I? It's over. Everyone's moved on. The thread's dead.

Oh Nieve...NIEVE!!! Feel my pain.

Posted by: malechai at December 30, 2010 9:52 AM

Dustin, you got me totally addicted to Matriculated! I read all the way back (that took about 3 hours of clicking "Previous") when you linked it two days ago!

Looks like Multiplex is next...

Posted by: denesteak at December 30, 2010 12:05 PM

@Groundloop

M Hunt sounds like a good guy. K Hawk was kind of a dick.

I can't take any more puns. I feel like when my father forwards me an email forward of a forward about an animal smelling its butt or something. All groans and facepalms.

Posted by: JapJay at December 30, 2010 2:17 PM

I almost never comment, and I'm late to the party on this one (busy holidays=no time to keep up with the internets) but I have to step up with a sweet so long to Jeremy. I liked his posts, he made me laugh - didn't always share his viewpoint, but if I wanted a life without differing opinions, I'd just read my own writing & revel in my unparallelled cleverness. Jeez. Hope the New Year brings you happiness & prosperity, JF. You'll be missed.

Posted by: Tae at December 30, 2010 4:52 PM

Jeremy is awesome, and I'm sorry the trolls have ruined it for everyone. Dustin's links are kinda rocking my world, though. Are you sure we need a new Lovemaster? I think Dustin's doin' it just right...

Posted by: McSquish at December 31, 2010 2:55 AM

I'll miss you, Jerm. I'll keep an eye on ya on Twitter though.

Posted by: Jadine at December 31, 2010 12:17 PM

I also liked Jeremy's Pajiba Love columns a lot - even forgive him for being "meh" on the Beatles.

Posted by: Pat C. at December 31, 2010 2:03 PM

Jeremy, you were the one who brought me to Hyperbole and a Half! I will love you forever. I hope to see you in the comments.

I'd also like to welcome our new Pajiba Love Overlord, whoever it is. You gots some big and stylish shoes to fill, friend.

Posted by: Jerce at January 2, 2011 10:24 AM