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Slept Through The Wedding. . .What Did I Miss? Oh Sweet Sassy Molassy.

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (52)

royal_wedding_hats_g1.jpeg

Yes yes yes, my loves. My alarm went off at 3am. I woke up and made the groggy decision to watch “Parks and Recreation” instead of the Royal Wedding and then sort of tumbled back to bed. I missed all the fairytale and the romance. But, let’s face it, mostly I missed some incredibly wonk-tacular chapeaus. Here’s a round-up of some of the wackiest Royal Wedding hats. Kudos to Posh…and way to include the Royal Guard Bearskins. They are truly preposterous. (Too Fab)

But, no matter what you show me, this right here, this will forever be my favorite Royal Wedding image.

But, my little buttercups, when it comes to rocking the ridiculously oversized hats, no one does it quite like these hombres. (Empire)

Martin Short, Chevy Chase and Steve Martin.jpeg

Have you seen this Better Book Titles tumblr? More like “James And The Giant Bitches” amirite? Aunt Spiker and Aunt Sponge totally got what was coming to them. (Better Book Titles)

You want more from the mixed up files of literary greatness? Here is “The Jersey Shore” done in the manner of Oscar Wilde. “An Ideal Ho-bag?” “The Importance of Being Fur-less?” That’s a waxing joke…NEVERMIND. (Adweek)

Speaking of STDs (oh yes we were), the lovely Sara H. sent me these olde-timey Heath Posters. Is it wrong that I want read “The Further Adventures of Condoman?” (Rumpus)

In less ADULT superhero news, check out this awesome hero-themed kids room. The theme of my childhood room was “Don’t Touch The Walls.” Not as fun. (I Am Momma Hear Me Roar)

Internal organs are so hot right now. Well, maybe not, but Google has released a new app called Google Body. I’ll be honest, I don’t really know the purpose of this app (probably some sort of medical/educational/zzzzzzzz). Maybe it’s for folks who are into super creepy Robert Zemekis-style pornography? If you are, please don’t tell me. (Google Body)

So, did anyone actually read “Game of Thrones” for the sex? There’s a lot of sex, my little white-walkers. As for me, I’m sort of intrigued by the medieval food pornography. That’s right, you heard me, ales and quails and hares, oh my. Check out this “Game of Thrones” food blog, and tell me you didn’t drool a little. MEAD! (I Am The Crossroads)

In the words of jM, this “Community” promo is sort of like the “Lost”/”Deadwood”/”Community” mash-up I never knew I always wanted. I’ll add a dash of “Justified” too. We’ve missed you, Sawyer.

Finally, my Gwarmongers, I don’t know how many of you are into metal. The whole scene is a little rough and tumble for my taste. I did, however, get a huge kick out of this metal singer and his warm up exercises. It starts out sort of Tim Taylor-ish, progresses to squawking eaglet and finishes somewhere around Animal on a sugar high. Enjoy.

Joanna Robinson was referred to as both a Link Pimp and a Link Whore. She likes Link Wench…but, then again, she also likes mead. Email! Twitter!









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Comments

Now would you say this is a plethora of links?

(I like this guy. He is a funny guy. -- El JoRo)

Posted by: Luke at April 29, 2011 1:20 PM

Luke, could it be that once again you are angry at something else? And are looking to take it out on me?

Posted by: Exploding Head Syndrome at April 29, 2011 1:25 PM

That Community promo...was awkward.

Sigh, I just don't know about this show anymore. It's losing me.

Posted by: grace b at April 29, 2011 1:27 PM

Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh?

Posted by: MRod at April 29, 2011 1:34 PM

Luke's probably cranky from staying up all night to watch the wedding. Understandable.

Posted by: I Need More Allowance at April 29, 2011 1:35 PM

Whatever. I'm going to shoot you so full of lead you'll be using your dick as a pencil.

Posted by: Kballs at April 29, 2011 1:37 PM

Anyone else think the word "plethora" is totally icky?

Posted by: superasente at April 29, 2011 1:42 PM

"IT'S A SWEATER!"

Posted by: Julie at April 29, 2011 1:53 PM

I HAVE DRUNK MEAD! It is a heady brew

Posted by: Nadine at April 29, 2011 2:08 PM

Mmmm... Annie running.

I could kiss her on the veranda. Or the lips.

Posted by: Todd at April 29, 2011 2:14 PM

Luke I read that as a pleather of links, but probably, mostly because it was below the pic of the tentacle hat. Come to think of it, I think I would like a hat made of pleather and links.

Upon googling, I did find exactly that and it is strangely Prince William-like. OK, gay biker dude Prince William, but yeah.

http://www.makebelievecostume.com/detail/RB-49218/Black_Vinyl_Biker_Hat.html

Posted by: Mrs Smith at April 29, 2011 2:17 PM

Most of those hats look like The Fifth Element collided with Elton John's anus. And only complete assholes wear hats like that one in the header pic. What kind of childhood trauma would incite a desire to balance a gift-wrapped faux-gina on your frontal lobe?

Severe kinds, that's what.

Posted by: Kballs at April 29, 2011 2:18 PM

Does anyone know what "chapeau" means? Isn't that a light chicken gravy?

Posted by: branded at April 29, 2011 2:28 PM

Those Better Book Titles are slaying me; I'm gasping for breath! Font Lobster, you always locates the funnies. For this I thank you.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at April 29, 2011 2:31 PM

That Game Of Thrones recipe site is bullshit. No lamprey pie? Fuck off then.

Every week that passes without me getting lamprey pie? I shoot a hostage.

Posted by: TK at April 29, 2011 2:39 PM

Why in the name of the baby Jeebus would Prince Andrew let his daughters do that to themselves? He knew there would be TV cameras all around...

Fergie would never have let them out of the palace looking like that.

Posted by: Jerry at April 29, 2011 2:47 PM

Lamprey pie is coming! We just need to find the...ah... lampreys for it. Hopefully Sunday's project though, so hang in there, and hold off on shooting the hostages!

Posted by: Needs Mead at April 29, 2011 2:52 PM

Drunk Mead: always fuckyeah better than Sober Mead

Posted by: idleprimate at April 29, 2011 2:53 PM

\m/

Posted by: DeistBrawler at April 29, 2011 2:53 PM

I think the hats ("hats") were the only way those two princesses ("princesses") could detract attention from their frumptastic dresses ("dresses"), both of which look like Queen Eliz.'s castoffs from 197...2-ish.

I need to check in with The Fug Girls to get their take. (Probably a spit-take).

Posted by: klingonfree at April 29, 2011 2:56 PM

Hey TK my sister has Danish in-laws who serve eel as part of their spectacular Christmas Eve spread. Want me to put you in touch?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 29, 2011 2:57 PM

I want Shrieking Eel Pie. Can we make that happen?

Posted by: I Need More Allowance at April 29, 2011 2:58 PM

Man inbreeding has done a real number on those two ho's. I'm guessing they give a mean head, 'cause otherwise...

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 29, 2011 3:14 PM

Mead is divine. Best stuff I've ever had can be found here: http://tinyurl.com/3u5dfjl

Also, the Better Book Titles site is brilliant.

Posted by: Reba at April 29, 2011 3:35 PM

Tossed generally in Kballs' direction ...

No way Sir. I immediately thought of this website's patron(ly?)
icon/saint. The Pajeebapus ... OctoGoddess.
That "hat" is shear maritime goodness. Until you get the underwater
mess below. Then I wept.

Posted by: MsMoMo at April 29, 2011 3:43 PM

It's like a Rorschach Hat. You see what you want, I see what I want, they see what they want . . .

Posted by: Kballs at April 29, 2011 3:54 PM

Does anyone else think that the vocalist doing the warm up sounds like Animal from The Muppets? I had my son listen without looking at the screen and that was his first thought, too.

Posted by: spljt at April 29, 2011 4:06 PM

Traditional Lamprey pie rec:


To make a Lamprey Pie
Take your Lamprey and gut him, and take away the black string in the back, wash him very well, and dry him, and season him with Nutmeg, Pepper and Salt, then lay him into your Pie in pieces with Butter in the bottom, and some Shelots and Bay Leaves and more Butter, so close it and bake it, and fill it up with melted Butter, and keep it cold, and serve it in with some Mustard and Sugar

Because if anything is going to make lamprey taste good it's mutard and sugar.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at April 29, 2011 4:14 PM

I think that thing atop Princess Beatrice's head was Fergie's way of saying fuck you to the royal family. Because you know her mother totally talked her into wearing it. There is no way in hell that Beatrice looked in the mirror and said, yeah I think this one looks great. It's fucking ridiculous.

Posted by: Jadine at April 29, 2011 4:24 PM

Ever been to a wedding where someone tries to upstage the Couple of the Event by wearing something (or worse yet behaving) in a style that was less than appropriate?

Worse yet, ever attended a funeral service where that happened?

Gaga-esque hats aside, all I can say is that for once QE2 must be throwing herself down on her knees in private and thanking God for this fresh influx of "commoner" DNA into the royal gene pool. Looks like someone has been swinging the Ugly Scepter around the Palace.

Posted by: bleujayone at April 29, 2011 4:34 PM

I think they do that with every generation bleujayone. I suspect Diana was chosen to breed some height and good looks into the house of Windsor.

Whichever Fergie daughter that is looks part anime and part pony.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 29, 2011 4:44 PM

bleujayone:

I once went to a funeral wearing a huge hat and I'm sure some people thought I was trying to get attention but the reality was that it was August and 98 degrees in the shade and Greek funerals require one to spend about two hours outside by the graveside and I was on a course of antibiotics at the time that would have ensured I would be burned to a crisp if I exposed my skin. Besides the hat was fabulous.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 29, 2011 4:46 PM

I love the hats. Love love love love the hats. It's like a parade of hilarity and silliness and it's all AT A ROYAL WEDDING. It's like this delicious pie of over the top frippery that seems to unreal and out of this world that it makes me want to dance with joy.

That is how much I love their hats.

Posted by: Figgy at April 29, 2011 4:47 PM

Woo! Shout-out!

Posted by: Sara H at April 29, 2011 5:23 PM

Plethora. When I was a kid and watched this movie I went to the dictionary to find "blithera" and was very annoyed not to find it. It was YEARS before I learned the word was plethora. The big problem with parents telling kids to look it up. (though I often was told that and generally didn't mind)

As for the hats...Fergie was a commoner, so inbreeding is not to blame. If anything, it would be the vulgar common blood they inherited from their mother. But these are the Tommyboys of the British royal family, the King Ralphs, if you will.

Lastly - I only caught a little bit of the wedding this morning, thinking I'd be turning on news. But I enjoyed watching. Gorgeous dress, and my upcoming vacation to the UK (2 weeks counting!) has me into all things British. (shame: I watched "What a Girl Wants" last night just because it was on HBO)

Posted by: Sara Tonin at April 29, 2011 5:26 PM

Awesome link dump today, btw. I'd been wanting to check out the hat madness, that Game of Thrones site is hilarious and hilariously sincere (forwarding to many) and that superhero room is awesome. My favorite part is the posters.

Posted by: Sara Tonin at April 29, 2011 5:30 PM

Mrs Julien, I think you're right about the height/good looks thing with Diana - the thing that struck me about the Royal family today is that they also have an overabundance of teeth, and I'm not sure the newest addition will sufficently counterbalance that. She (and the rest of her family) are on the attractive side of normal, however, which is a definite blessing.

Personally, the whole wedding was so tasteful that I thoroughly enjoyed Beatrice and Eugenie's fashion faux pas. The politicians' wives also did well on that front - the Deputy PM's wife turned up in a lace overdress, corsage and a turban, for example. It was much like the Oscars, only the whole thing lasted about a third as long and no one cried hysterically (not that we could see, anyway).

Posted by: lingli at April 29, 2011 5:34 PM

Oh, and has anyone else thought that Kate Middleton actually has a really good face for Wonder Woman? I keep thinking it. Could use a little more muscle, but overall....

Posted by: Sara Tonin at April 29, 2011 5:42 PM

besides the hat was fabulous

Words to live by.

My mum likes hats, but does not choose well. The dog destroyed one of them and my dad said it was meant as "editorial comment".

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 29, 2011 6:34 PM

PaddyDog-

But did your hat also look like a 3-D gynecological sketch by Salvador Dalí?

Posted by: bleujayone at April 29, 2011 10:27 PM

I have a couple of gallons of mead fermenting away right now. I can never find it so I just started making it. The honey guy at the farmer's market loves me.

Posted by: Dave at April 30, 2011 5:06 AM

The girl on the left makes me thing of Dr. Seuss and that makes me smile.

Posted by: logan at April 30, 2011 9:50 AM

that's "think" not "thing" though "thing" kinda works too...

Posted by: logan at April 30, 2011 9:51 AM

My distate for this roving band of inbred parasites is well-covered, but if you're going to a royal wedding, you're aristocracy, and a relation you're going to wear to an elaborate headpiece, that's how it goes. It doesn't matter how we may feel about a bride wearing white even if she's not a virgin, most brides aren't Blanche Devereaux and not having the stones to go in red as she did, the bride will wear white because that's what's done. So, in the strictly sartorial sense, I don't have a problem with this.

Anyway, headgear makes it a bit easier to determine who is horse and who is human. When the lights are off, it's not so easy to see who is in fact cantering or goostepping off of those cliffs, and God help the abomination of primogeniture who runs afoul of an animal activist who decided that every dog in existence is superior to humans because Hitler happened, thus devaluing all humans for all eternity. Of course, this is the Windsors we're talking about, so I guess all the money that should've gone to a make-up artist who was not in fact the bride, a person who could have prevented the Pennywise War Spackle Debacle(don't know what she was prove with that misstep) was spent on training Philip to refrain from bellowing on about the darkies whilst donning his best Boss jodphurs. 'They're jokes, I say! Whenever you hear something that deeply tasteless it's a joke! Why can't you coloureds (and that's coloureds of every colour--I'm advanced) apply your grifter's fingers and crafty brain pans towards pulling off a Birnam Wood scenario in your local Henry III-era cathedrals? It's a hand slap, not a hand out!'

Once memories of the magic go on sale, it'll be of the utmost importance to advertise that No colts--er, Windsors were harmed during the filming of the 'everything falls to its demise' scene in Zombi III: Return of the Hapsburg Jaw Beasts. Or am I thinking of The Wedding Trough?

Fuck, I'm going to Belgian Hell for that last line. Sorry. I'd probably feel sorrier if I had been writing about people who haven't been collecting what is effectively a whole, whole, whole lotta welfare for a long, long, long time, but I'm not actively trying to become a worse person.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at April 30, 2011 11:00 PM

Those eyes haunt me.

Posted by: duckandcover at May 2, 2011 7:40 AM

My favorite part of the royal wedding was when Prince Charles arrived. He takes off his spotless white gloves, WIPES HIS NOSE WITH HIS RIGHT HAND and then shakes the hands of the Archbishop of Canterbury and the other Anglican ministers. MAWWAGE!

Posted by: BWeaves at May 2, 2011 10:27 AM

Writing the book is another story. You either need to accomplish it your self and market your ownmanuscript to apublisher or pay a ghostwriter.

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SciSeekFeed? Australia sure seems like a secular nation Australia sure seems like a secular nation : Pharyngula? - scienceblogs

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I was wondering if you ever considered changing the layout of your blog? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or two images. Maybe you could space it out better?

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