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Scarlett Johansson Didn't Do Half The Math Section On Her SAT?! That Was A F*cking Option?!?

By Joanna Robinson | Pajiba Love | October 1, 2013 | Comments ()


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Ah, October. When young man’s fancy turns lightly to thoughts of pumpkin spice lattes. I love the crap out of this month because it starts with my birthday and ends with the greatest holiday of all time: Halloween. So slap on some face paint and enjoy these adorable homemade geeky costumes.(Uproxx)

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Speaking of the Star Wars saga, Unreality has four rules for making the movies great. And that’s what we all want. RIGHT, JJ? (Unreality)

At least, at least Abrams has admitted that he has a lens flare problem. Knowing’s half the battle, bro. (NerdApproved)

Listen, I’d like to tell you I didn’t click through to this article JUST because of the phrase “sperm wars.” But I’d be lying to you. Anyway, this article, Sperm Wars: Revenge Of The J-never mind, is about the way biological battles for supremacy can create new species. Oooooh, and there’s a nifty visual. (io9)

Listen, I’d like to tell you I didn’t click through to this article JUST because of the phrase “pornopticon.” But I’d be lying to you. Again. The whole piece, about Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s new film Don Jon, is great. “He likes the simple pleasures of a G.T.L. life, but also strives for something just beyond his grasp. He’s a bro, but he’s a sensitive bro. In Jon’s case, it’s harder to reach because one of his hands is chronically busy.” (Grantland)

Let’s all gaze through the pornopticon at the lovely Idris Elba, shall we? In a new cover story for Esquire he admits to always being two drinks away from landing in the tabloids. Let’s not tell him we’re all two drinks away from landing outside his house, shall we? (Celebitchy)

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The amazing, brilliant Michael Murray is expressing his off-beat love for language over at Random House now. Give him a read. (RH)

Everything’s terrible today and we’re at a complete loss to describe the mad wankery of the US government. Thankfully, the NY Daily News has us covered. Keep scrolling. All the way down. There it is. (Vulture)

But, no matter what, Obamacare has arrived. Want a handy round-up of everything you need to know about it? Here it is, pets. (The Week)

SERIOUSLY, NOT DOING HALF THE MATH SECTION ON YOUR SATS WAS AN OPTION? I guess, if you’re the lovely and talented ScarJo it is. Maybe if your collarbone glistened just so, you could have skipped the long division too. For a bit of sneering schadenfreude, check out Johansson’s SAT score and then tell us all how much smarter you are than the pretty gajillionaire. (Interview

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Okay but I do give you the freedom to mock the pretty gajillionares that make up this cruise from hell. “Rich Assholes And Horny Undergrads?” What could possibly go wrong? (Gawker)

Oi! David Duchovnerds. You can get the complete collection of the X-Files series and films for a steal today. And today only. (Slashfilm)

Flavorwire has a list of great new books to read in October. I’ve heard good things about the Dave Eggers but can only speak personally about Daniel Alarcón’s At Night We Walk in Circles. It’s amazing. (Flavorwire)

And in my favorite piece of writing about the Breaking Bad finale, Dustin tells all the critics who call it “too perfect” to shove it. (WG)

Finally, conversations with a two-year old? Oh. Oh yes please.




True Confession: Why I'm (Mostly) Done with Superheroes | Justin Bieber Being Carried Up the Great Wall of China is the Funniest Thing You'll See All Day






Are you following Pajiba on Facebook or Twitter? Every time you do, Bill Murray crashes a wedding.


Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • bastich

    Happy Birthday, Joanna!

    (Is it still today where you are? I can't tell -- I bartered my watch and calendar for beer. If not, then happy belated birthday!)

  • e jerry powell

    I am 200 POINTS BETTER than Scarlett Johansson. Not that it mattered, because I was a music major with short excursions through theater and broadcast journalism.

  • **I AM** NotTheOne

    That picture of Scarlett J is scaring me. She looks like a completely different person here. That is the look my dog gives you just before she lunges at you, grabbing the tennis ball violently from your hand.

    Oh yeah. Happy birthday, J. Get your Wonder Woman costume out of the dry cleaners.

  • The SAT has a penalty to discourage guessing. You only lose one point for not answering but 1.25 points for an incorrect answer. If you can't get it down to a very educated guess you're better off not answering. I grew up in the Midwest and as long as you were planning to stay in the Midwest for college you could get away with taking the ACT. It made no sense to leave any answer blank for the ACT because there is no guessing penalty.

  • Oh, and happy birthday, JoRo! You're still my favorite. Don't tell the others. ;-)

  • I'm sorry.... Coco Frances Harrison-Clarke is the name of a two-year-old? Not the name of some matronly, British gentlewoman of leisure talking about training corgis and her recent appearance at the Queen's garden party? *sigh* I'm getting too old for this shit.

  • emmalita

    But someday she will be that lady.

  • PDamian

    It's Joanna's birthday? ¡Que dicha! Happy happy joy joy!

  • psykins

    If she literally skipped half the math, and got every question she did right, that's a 400 on math. That means a 700 on verbal, which is certainly good but it's not like she's getting an 800 or something. And, the math that she DID do would have been the easy math - stuff that everyone gets right.

    What's more likely is that she didn't skip half - she skipped the last third of each section. Unless you're aiming for over 700, you shouldn't be doing every question on the SAT anyway. I think it's likely she got somewhere around 500 Math/600 Verbal, maybe 450 Math/650 Verbal. Good, but definitely not anything special, sorry to say.

    Yeah, buzzkill, I know. But this is what I do for a living :P

  • nosio

    BABY FRODO BAGGINS! Too cute for words.

  • If there is anything that gives me hope for the future it's awesome parents dressing their kids in geeky Halloween costumes. Also, I would guess that's the best part of having kids.

  • Ferrous Bueller

    After seeing Scarlett Johannson's nude selfies I truly doubt that anyone who ever gave her a job cared whether she could even spell SAT let alone do the math section.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    If I remember correctly, there was usually one dummy section in the SATs anyway - so if you had 3 math portions, and guessed correctly, you could've skipped it without penalty. My parents were big on testing well for the SATs - I took PSATs starting in 7th grade. Paid off in scholarship dough though.

    (that's me. I skip right over the "happy birthdays" and go straight to SAT facts. I'm awesome at parties.)

  • Guest

    I did really well on the SATs, too. My parents were poor and started talking about getting good grades when we were around 10. I worked my ass off till I was 18, got a big scholarship, and spent four years studying whatever I wanted. 10 years later I still have student loans and I hate my job. So there's that.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Aw, that's a bummer. My PSAT scores got me a National Merit scholarship. I didn't live up to my potential, per se, as I was a theater major, but I was always thankful to not be burdened by student loans. I'm one of 8, and my father gave yearly presentations to other parents at our schools on scholarship preparation.

  • Theater majors never outgrow their potential.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Aw, thanks. (thanks, right?)

    It's more a question of living UP to my potential, even as a theater artist, but that's a long process. And like Homestar, I need to do more self-ass-kicking.

  • Guest

    Wow, one of 8. I was one of 5, but my folks had no idea about college, just that we should go to the best school possible. But I have no regrets! My job is pretty much my fault, I need to get off my butt and do something about it :)

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Oddly enough, my dad flunked out of college. But my mother's parents made him promise that my mother would graduate, since she was 20 when they married in 1961. (she did! she also teases that now he's retired he should finally get his degree. he won't.)

  • Bert_McGurt

    Happy Birthday Joanna!

    And here's another CBC article I thought y'all might like, on the shutdown. If the author looks strangely familiar, there's a good reason for it - he's Norm Macdonald's older brother.

    http://www.cbc.ca/news/the-per...

  • emmalita

    Why are the Canadians so much more upset than we are? Is it because they live in a saner country? It is, isn't it?

  • I think it's more that we owe them money and a payment's coming due...

  • emmalita

    That would put my panties in a bunch.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Actually, I suspect it's because we're currently being run by a bunch of corrupt, shady conservatives that are better at hiding their true intentions than the Tea Party are.

  • emmalita

    So ... The grass is ...not...greener?

  • Bert_McGurt

    Well, let's just say some of the lawn has had a big blue (the conservatives are blue up here) tarp over it for the last few years. Fortunately it's showing signs of fraying, but it'll be a couple years at least before we can take it off.

    Toss in some of the ridiculous sh*t they've got going on in Quebec with this explicitly discriminatory "Charter of Values", though and it's clear that despite our reputation we've still got a lot of work to do.

    http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/...

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Quebec is following France's lead, I see.

  • Bert_McGurt

    That's what you get when you elect separatists.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Happy Birthday Joanna! I wish you many happy Elbas (wow that sounds dirty, but still pretty good),

  • John W

    Happy Birthday!

    Live long and May the Force be Ever in Your Favor!

  • emmalita

    Happy Birthday!

    And who are we kidding, no drinks are required to land outside Mr. Elba's house.

  • Do I get any points for having that same coat? I got it yesterday as part of a suit promotion. Apparently I have an absolute shit-ton of weddings to attend between now and my own in April, so I needed a suit. And since I spent [way too much] on it, they gave me the coat for 100$.

  • emmalita

    You get major points for that coat.

  • I just woke up in front of his house. What happens next? Do I have to play Russian Roulette with John Luther? That scares me.

  • emmalita

    Just be cool, Soda Pop. (This is usually where I get arrested).

  • Maguita NYC

    I believe your laminated restraining order is proof enough of how much you love the man!

  • emmalita

    I love restraining order.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    If you don't have a maximum radius you have to maintain, you don't really care.

  • Maguita NYC

    Especially when this!

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    And I'm done. No more work today, just drooling and a glassy stare. Thanks.

  • Maguita NYC

    There was also this earlier to close the full circle of drool.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    I'm calling the cops. Clearly you're trying to get my heart to stop.

  • Maguita NYC

    Sorry, I meant only to give it a good healthy workout...

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    When Mr. Syndrome finds me slumped over my computer with these images up, I'm going to expect you to explain, since you know, I'll be dead and all.

  • Maguita NYC

    I bet Mr. Syndrome's reaction to seeing your sexy slump would be one of joy!

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    More like "not again..."
    In the back of his mind, he probably always knew my end would come while staring at an image of Idris Elba though, so it won't be too much of a surprise.

  • NateMan

    Happy Shared Birthday!!! It's a good day.

  • PDamian

    Oh, my! Happy happy joy joy!

    Not knowing your personal preferences, I got you some Belluci. Sure hope zeke the pig doesn't get upset.

    EDITED because for some strange reason, my first URL didn't take. Sorry about that. Here you go ...
    http://pleasurephoto.files.wor...

  • emmalita

    Happy Birthday to you!

  • NateMan

    Thank you! It's been a good one so far. Admittedly it didn't have to go far to beat last year.

  • emmalita

    You officially have my permission to celebrate extra this year to balance out last year.

  • NateMan

    Sweet! I am expected to be at work tomorrow, however, so I'm going to keep it to a minimum.

    Probably.

  • emmalita

    If anyone gives you a hard time, look at them like they just spoke word salad and walk away. It will confuse them for hours.

  • Maguita NYC

    When has work been a full-participation thing anyways?

    Responsibility is so over-rated. Especially the day-after one's birthday.

  • foolsage

    Feliz Cumpleaños!

  • Maguita NYC

    Happy Birthday Joanna, I see you gave yourself quite the gift with the Elba Pornopticon...

    Which I'd be borrowing for my bunk if you don't mind.

  • NateMan

    Imagine if there were two of them. You could be the creamy white filling in the Elba cookie.

    I may be mildly buzzed at this point in time. Also I'm just guessing on your melanin content.

  • e jerry powell

    Just like Barbra Streisand in A Star is Born.

  • Maguita NYC

    You mean these kind of cookies?

  • NateMan

    There ya go. I didn't want to actually use the word 'Oreo' since it's a pejorative sometimes used towards black folks, but I figured the basic message would get across.

  • Maguita NYC

    Shit.
    Did not think of Oreo at all.

    Just that cream... equals Elba.

  • e jerry powell

    Oy vey.

  • NateMan

    LOL You really didn't think of Oreos??

  • Maguita NYC

    Nope, at all. Just cream...

    Wilson! Lo siento!!!

  • NateMan

    Well, you had your mind focused on what's important. It's okay.

  • Maguita NYC

    Selfish bitch.

  • NateMan

    I'm not sure how Elba would feel about getting fisted. I mean, whatever floats his and your boat is cool. But that looks a little too meaty to me.

  • Maguita NYC

    Although I'd never thought of fisting Elba, or really any thought of fisting at all, that sign is more to guarantee my happiness in accessing them Oreos first.

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