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Say Goodbye To These, Leo!

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (58)



LaserBolt-bar-refaeli-lingerie-pictures-hot-4-2.jpeg

Long ago, in a ‘verse far, far away, Joss Whedon wrote a rip-roaring adventure tale. The original cowboys vs. aliens. Whether you’re the most devoted browncoat or have yet to lay eyes on a single episode of “Firefly,” I want you to know that the complete series is available on Blu-ray for a steal. If you’ve always wondered what all the hot fuss is about, now’s the time to find out. (Amazon)

Speaking of space adventure, the rebel alliance that helps me battle the evil empire of celebrity gossip and cute animal videos were in quite the Star Wars mood today. I’m going to go ahead and smoke the jump. If the hyperdrive shreds itself and give us a belly full of scrap metal, you have my apologies. We’ve got An X-Wing Fighter made from office supplies, a tricked out Star Wars bike, these not new but maybe new to you travel posters, fancy Storm Trooper and Boba Fett dresses, and, my favorite, Troy and Abed as Chewie and Han.

Did you know the Humanities building at UC Davis (my alma-mater) is nicknamed the Death Star? Sure is. It should be named The Giant Concrete Monstrosity You Will Get Lost In At Least Five Times…Seriously Did the Engineering Students Design This To Prank We Poor Humanities Students? Jerks. Anyway, these bizarro abandoned Soviet Monuments reminded me of that stupid, infuriating Death Star and apparently I had FEELINGS that needed VENTING. (Crack Two)

Ah, but not all concrete monstrosities are abandoned, despite the now CONFIRMED leak at the Fukushima Nuclear Power Plant, the good folks there are soldiering on. (Telegraph)

Speaking of toxic substances, can we discuss this woman who has not only injected her eight year old daughter’s face with Botox, but has gone on national television to defend this insane decision? Honestly, where is child protective services? (Salon)

You know me, I say let it all hang out. Be you eight, eighty, or a sun-sensitive ginger. This particularly freckly ginger has launched an adorable project where you can help him count the freckles on (most of) his body. Get to clicking! (Freckle Count)

Because, listen, I’m all for wearing sunscreen (I do it every day) but sometimes the wrinkliest faces are the most interesting. This is certainly the case with character actor and every day Leatherface Danny Trejo. Trejo will be joining the cast of “Sons of Anarchy” next season, a show I’ve never watched but hear is not only good, but also sort of Hamlet-y. I like Hamlet-y things! (Warming Glow)

But skin cancer is not cool and it’s not cute to mock it. You hear me Glenn Beck, you malignant mole? The enemy of my Glenn Beck is my friend so I find myself, alas, siding with a member of the McCain clan as she takes Beck down for his asshattery. (Media Matters)

What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculties…Matthew Perry is going back to rehab. Oh, Chanandler Bong, I want nothing but the best for you. (Celebitchy)

Speaking of funny gents (shut up, I LOVE Chandler), Splitsider has an interesting look at the lost projects of Judd Apatow. I’m not saying any of these should have been made, but I do think it’s nice to look at a man’s failures and consider the long road he took to get to where he is now. (Splitsider)

And wherever he ends up, perhaps Leonardo DiCaprio will one day look back with fondness and regret at the magnificence that was his ex-girlfriend’s bosom. For now I’m sure he’s crying into a pile of money and groupies. (Socialite Life)

And if you feel that link relating to the beautiful bosom of a beautiful lady is somehow not in the spirit of Unofficial Feminazi Week, well, you’re dumb. But also, here’s a cute feminist link for you, the Situation Room photo without the distraction of all those sexually suggestive menfolk. (Free Williamsbur)

Do y’all play any instruments? I play the ukulele (rather poorly). I wish I had started at a younger age, check out these pint-sized maestros pickin’ and a-grinnin’. Then check out the taxidermied (NOT A WORD? EFF YOU, NUMSKULLS!) fox in their bedroom.

My ukulele hero is, of course, the magnificent Jake Shimabukuro who obviously has been playing since he was truly teeny. Here he is wailing on “Bohemian Rhapsody” as part of the magnificent TED talks series.









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Comments

I've never thought Bar was all that, but those, those right there? ... They are specTACular.

Posted by: , at May 13, 2011 1:18 PM

You should check out Jake's rendition of Thriller, if you haven't heard it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5EXVhL_kVI
It's fantastic, as is just bout anything he does on a ukulele.

Posted by: Markus at May 13, 2011 1:44 PM

I will never understand how people are able to play the banjo with such skill and deftness. I can't make my hands move that fast for ANYTHING, except for when I [insert random masturbation joke here].

Posted by: JustBill at May 13, 2011 1:50 PM

Leo could care less. For all we know, she could be loony or have zero personality. For a guy like Leo, incredible T-and-A can be acquired with little or no effort. Just upgrade to the next beauty. In 5 years, no one will remember Bar - who'll probably be handed around and eventually end up hitched to a corporate head or real estate tycoon. But for Leo, it was just another notch (among many) in his belt.

Posted by: MisterMJ at May 13, 2011 1:51 PM

What's the over / under (so to speak) on when Miranda Kerr realizes she's sleeping with Legolas & takes her Victoria's-cleavage to greener pastures?

Also, in breaking news, guess who's "attached" to play The Dread Pirate Roberts in the remake? (Also attached, Megan Fox as the wrangler of perfect breasts and Danny DiVito as Inigo Montoya.) That's what I heard.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at May 13, 2011 1:54 PM

That kid is something else on the banjo. Retuning on the fly *as part of the melody*? Brilliant. (The other two kids aren't bad, either.)

Posted by: jeem at May 13, 2011 2:01 PM

Ahhh... I knew there was something about you, Joanna. A fellow UCD alum. I think you're a bit younger than me- -'94-'99 was my time.

Posted by: logar at May 13, 2011 2:05 PM

You know what I heard, BierceAmbrose (if thats even your real name)? I heard that if you keep spreading awful rumors about the putrescent remake of a timeless masterpiece, someone is going to hire Johnny "Three Thumbs" DeVitis to rub you out. That's what I heard.

Posted by: superasente at May 13, 2011 2:11 PM

I want to get a cat and name it Miss Chanandler Bong. Too bad my apartment doesn't allow pets. :(

John McCain's op-ed in the Washington Post:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/bin-ladens-death-and-the-debate-over-torture/2011/05/11/AFd1mdsG_story.html

Stop confusing me by saying things I agree with!!

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 13, 2011 2:24 PM

You might not be able to tell by looking at me but I'm quite excited by that Trejo news.

Posted by: snapnhiss at May 13, 2011 2:36 PM

I don‘t think Leo is sitting home wrapped in a blanket and drinking hot coco over this broad’s leaving. My uncle once told me that for every hot broad out there, there is some guy that’s tired of banging her.

Posted by: Pookie at May 13, 2011 2:42 PM

I'm guessing Trejo will arrive on "Sons of Anarchy" as the club president of the Mayans MC and be the big baddie for season 4.

Danny Trejo vs Ron Perlman? I'm so fucking there!

Posted by: Fredo at May 13, 2011 2:45 PM

Socrates_Johnson >> Thanks for that McCain link.

Joanna >> Thanks for the bosom link. I did also enjoy the properly feminist reverse-Hillary-edit link.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at May 13, 2011 2:56 PM

...who'll probably be handed around and eventually end up hitched to a corporate head or real estate tycoon.
Posted by: MisterMJ at May 13, 2011 1:51 PM

Handed around? HANDED AROUND? HANDED AROUND?

Which button do I push to dispatch the feminazis?

MiserMJ, we may be accepting applications for the Resident Provoking [Expletive Deleted} Commenter Fellowship in the autumn, but for now Pookie and Barbado Slim fulfill all of our Resident Provocateur needs.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 13, 2011 3:14 PM

Actually, since it was mentioned, the two of them are just as interesting as Bloom and Kerr.

Posted by: Jay at May 13, 2011 3:31 PM

@logar, yes, missed you by one year, what's your mayjah?

@Mrs. Julien now I'm envisioning paratrooper feminazis. I am enjoying this vision.

Posted by: coveredinbees at May 13, 2011 3:35 PM

I was thinking the same thing, Mrs. J.

For McCain's sake, he's always been anti-torture and (quietly) denied the Birther's take on reality. He's not an idiot or a terrible human being, he's just an incompetent political opportunist. But he does have some morality. His daughter's kind of a joke, though.

Posted by: RobP at May 13, 2011 3:41 PM

I have had a particularly visceral reaction to the phrase “handed around” and my preceding comment is not meeting all of my bile spewing needs. Herewith, for those of you who have noticed my presence before now, is an out-of-character tirade:

FUCK YOU!

Fuck you and the mentality that a woman is an object. I don't always enjoy the endless boob etc. dialogue on the site. I put that down to my own prim sensibilities and that, unlike the current youth culture, I was not raised to believe that most chicks go lesbian if they are drunk enough. I get it. I’m old and formal and vanilla. HOWEVER, there is a wide, wide chasm between, for want of a better term, bangability commentary and referring to someone as some kind of possession. There is an implication in the term “handed around” that she is an object; a mindless and inconsequential sperm repository; a semi-sentient slut who will be happy to end up married to someone rich when she's been screwed by all the available men.

Here’s what you can do: You can comment on her body, say you want to hit that, offer to console her, add her to your bangables list. I don’t care. But don’t ever refer to another human being in terms that could also be used to describe a gang rape or the life of a woman prostituted by a biker gang.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 13, 2011 3:54 PM

Honestly? Unofficial Feminazi Week is the best week ever. May it never end. LOVE YOU, MRS. J, EVEN THOUGH I DON'T EVER* GO LESBIAN, NOT EVEN WHEN DRUNK.

(exceptforyouKateWinslet)

Posted by: coveredinbees at May 13, 2011 3:58 PM

I’m old

You're not THAT old, Mrs. Julien. Or so I've been told at least.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 13, 2011 4:03 PM

I stand corrected. That's what I was thinking, Mrs. J. Huzzah and whatnot.

Posted by: RobP at May 13, 2011 4:04 PM

I like when Mrs Julien gets riled up, she makes me think of Dame Maggie Smith in Victorian garb sternly reprimanding an unruly child. You know, except that fuck you part. *snicker*

Posted by: snapnhiss at May 13, 2011 4:11 PM

I like to think of myself as more...

http://www.jssgallery.org/paintings/lady_agnew.jpg

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 13, 2011 4:19 PM

Why isn't she the header photo?

Posted by: Jay at May 13, 2011 4:25 PM

Why isn't she the header photo?

Because Leo prefers drawing the women he's gone after, not painting.

Posted by: branded at May 13, 2011 4:32 PM

That schmuck ruins everything.

Posted by: Jay at May 13, 2011 4:33 PM

Ugch, sketchy naked Kate Winslet, I'm so in lesbi-anns with you.

Posted by: coveredinbees at May 13, 2011 4:36 PM

Why is this Socrates Johnson NOT over on Facebook with us? Look sweetie, we need your kind over there. Amiright? Come play with us! Friend me:
Lindsey Withan'e'
I'll hook you up. Make an acct with your handle as a name, it is all the rage.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at May 13, 2011 4:37 PM

Excuse me Mrs. Julien but Lady Agnew looks like she’s up for some action. And those eyes of hers scream anal.

Posted by: Pookie at May 13, 2011 4:38 PM

@logar, yes, missed you by one year, what's your mayjah?

Double- psych/history. Double useless!

Posted by: logar at May 13, 2011 4:38 PM

Well, hello.

Posted by: James S at May 13, 2011 4:42 PM

I'm tired Pookie. Can you just call yourself an idiot?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 13, 2011 4:43 PM

Lindsey with an 'e', that's an open invitation for undesirables to search you out. In fact, I'm heading to facebook as we speak.

Posted by: snapnhiss at May 13, 2011 4:45 PM

Because I'm a newb at this stuff. Can I just use my existing profile or should I just make one with the handle?

Also, I suppose if anyone cares:
http://twitter.com/#!/S0cratesJohnson

(First one's a zero btw)

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 13, 2011 4:46 PM

Make sure to indicate your nom de Pajiba in friend requests.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 13, 2011 4:47 PM

snapnhiss
I have recruited about 100 people off of here onto Pajibook, for those of you who are new-ish, you may not remember me from my days as a CONSTANT commenter. Also: You may be SHOCKED to learn that Withan'e' is NOT my real name! OOOH! Deception!

Socrates
Many of us use our Pajiba handles on FB, and actually, I would recommend a Pajibook only acct. It is TERRIBLY freeing to be unencumbered by tedious assholes and humorless trolls (I call them "family") on Pajibook.

As far as "inviting undesirables" the best thing to happen to me in the last decade was falling in with this lot of sick pervs, and being privileged to know them. I owe much of what is great in my life today to people I have met on Pajiba, then FB. I owe a debt of gratitude to the site, so putting myself out there as a Welcome Mat (NOT A DOORMAT) is something I am happy to do.
Plus, then I get first dibs on all the cute guys.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at May 13, 2011 4:56 PM

Don't forget the name cross-reference thinger. Lainey knows what I mean.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 13, 2011 5:01 PM

I like to mix my Pajiba and family/"real" friends on the Facebook. I fully expect it to blow up in my face one of these days.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at May 13, 2011 5:05 PM

It's true, Darth, I've already come for your ****ing lady friend. I may have to annex soon.

Posted by: coveredinbees at May 13, 2011 5:08 PM

I can never keep everyone straight. Especially Geep.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 13, 2011 5:09 PM

And now the lull as all the East Coasters head home and have dinner...

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 13, 2011 5:36 PM

I'm in Utah, there's always a lull here.

Posted by: snapnhiss at May 13, 2011 5:40 PM

Ms. Julien, I heard tell you live on the East Coast. Believe me, there's a serious lull for those of us on the West Coast who are STILL AT WORK while the rest of you go on your merry way to exciting Friday evenings out drinking, or quiet Friday evenings at home.

Posted by: MM at May 13, 2011 5:43 PM

I called you Ms. Julien instead of Mrs. Julien and for that I apologize. I was caught up in Feminazi Week normative titling.

Posted by: MM at May 13, 2011 5:46 PM

Oh boo hoo, Pajiba Love used to come up in the morning.

Posted by: Jay at May 13, 2011 5:47 PM

And when I'm working on the weekend? Like tomorrow?

NOTHIN'!

Posted by: Jay at May 13, 2011 5:53 PM

"Whenever Glenn Beck cries, a mosquito gets its wings."

~Sklar

Posted by: The Mutt at May 13, 2011 6:29 PM

I can never keep everyone straight. Especially Geep.

I see what you did there.

Posted by: superasente at May 13, 2011 6:53 PM

I want to take this thread behind the bleachers and get it pregnant. Especially Geep.

Posted by: RobP at May 13, 2011 10:21 PM

Well, I was checking out the taxidermied fox, and then I spied that GIANT MILLENNIUM FALCON.

Also, I adore Jake Shimabukuro. I got to see him perform live once, and his fingers were just a blur. And he's friendly and chill with a sense of humor to boot.

Posted by: Shibuyama at May 13, 2011 11:08 PM

Mrs. Julien is awesome.

Posted by: stump at May 14, 2011 12:59 AM

I think Bar somehow gets huge bonus points for not being American, though I don't know how Israeli = exotic. Maybe among people who are easily impressed. Same goes for Gisele, who is somehow 1,000X hotter because she's BRAZILIAN! even though her boyfriend is prettier than she is. If they were American, Bar and Gisele would both working the checkout counter at Walmart.

Posted by: , at May 14, 2011 9:49 AM

Mrs. Julien, you rock.

Can Kate and Leo just get together in real life now please? In interviews promoting Revolutionary Road they were adorable, talking about how much they've relied on each other over the years.

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