Pajiba

That mother has it right. My sister had Barbie dolls and I nearly broke my brain when I discovered women had nipples, body hair and vaginas, AND that they weren't eight inches tall and made of plastic. And I can't tell you the number of girls I nearly blinded before I realized that "making out" did not mean simply smashing faces together.

I only look at Salma Hayek for the articles.

He had just had a fatherly talk with my husband about what is "appropriate" and what is "a poison worse than the black plague of death itself and should be avoided at all costs, lest it rot your mind like an unstoppable rebel force."

She's kidding about that part, right? That's some hilarious hyperbole?

The Barbie link makes my day because just yesterday I was reminiscing with a friend about the time I taught her the birds and the bees with our Barbie dolls.

I don't know if I'm the only girl who used her Barbies to act out any number of dirty fantasies but one afternoon I was playing with my friend Gillian and my Barbie and Ken were going at it. Gillian expressed that she wanted her dolls to do the same and asked me "Which one goes on top, Barbie or Ken?" I replied, "Barbie, duh. If Ken was on top it wouldn't be comfortable and he'd squish her."

I don't entirely agree with my eleven-year-old self but there's some truth there.

I had a few Barbies when I was little, though I don't remember ever wanting them or asking for them so I can't be too sure where they came from. I melted their heads in my EZ Bake oven which was met with a fair amount of hysteria and a trip to the child psychologist until they found out my intentions (I thought if I melted the hair it would turn into gold.) Even after the scare I was forbidden from having Barbies or the EZ Bake until I could "learn to play with toys in the manner in which they were intended." That very next Christmas they bought me a chemistry set. To be fair, my dad was a heavy drinker back then and my mom smoked a lot of pot which probably accounts for some of their more spotty decision-making skills.

For the first five-to-six years of my life, my best friends were two girls who lived in the house next door to mine. We always combined our toys and took turns who would lead the play, so sometimes Barbie was fighting Cobra alongside G.I. Joe, and other times ol' Joe was baking cookies while Barbie tooled around in her red convertible with Skipper. No matter who lead, though, the action figures and the dolls always (always, always, always, always) ended up banging mouths and genitals together.

Strangely enough, though, when we played doctor we actually played like one of us was a doctor who had to cure colds and broken limbs and stuff. I didn't understand that "playing doctor" meant something else until years later.

I hate to do this because i genuinely like Salma Hayek but

http://education.makemeheal.com/images/6/6c/Salma-hayek-nose-job.jpg

I guess she was talking about not having had any anti-aging treatments.

Facebook + Mothers is a really bad combination. My mother would never go so far as to track any of us down through a comment -- mainly because that implies a level of internet savvy that she does not have. However, after my sister "liked" something on a friend's page, my mother called her and asked her if that meant she thought she had been a bad mother. Personally, I would have answered "yes". Instead, I stay as far away from Facebook (and my crazy mother) as I can.

Otherwise I might find myself in a position to have to explain why, as a seven year old, I paraded my naked Barbie around tied to a plastic horse.

*and

Stiiiiiill out of it.

Fucking awesome rhyming video ... i love it!!!

Republican readers (I think, right?), the lovely BierceAmbrose.

Thanks for the mention, JR. I try to be kind, except, of course to Hollywood knuckleheads who ask for it. This what we pay them for, after all.

Politically I'm independent - never been a member of any party. I think the two-party lock on process in the US is in the top 5 defects in our political system. I'm a citizen of a republic, first, which is glory and shame enough for any man, person, humanoid. (Anyone recognize what I paraphrased there?)

Philosophically you'd probably call me "libertarian." I think "classical liberal" is more accurate plus small-r "republican." People have natural rights. People doing as they will is the ultimate good. "An it harm no one, do what thou wilt." Governments are limited agents of sovereign citizens, contingently granted limited authorities for limited, specific ends. Like that.

I think government - being full of politicians - is mostly incompetent and entirely not to be trusted, if sometimes capable of doing some good under sufficient adult supervision. So, I'm for "as little government as can work at all" plus "push the decisions and accountability as close to where they impact as you can get." Also, changes to the scope and authority of the government, let's say the Feds, should be harder than changes to how they address the responsibilities we've given them already.

Now, fetch the pitchforks. Long before there was a Tea Party Movement I thought constitutionally limited (federal) government, fiscal responsibility, and free markets was a pretty good formula for being able to do enough without it going sideways. Throw in a strong federalist (current usage) preference and that seems to be pretty workable.

Neither major party advocates for this.

You want to chew through an issue, I'm game, but spare me the invective and calumny. Rough trade costs extra, people. Otherwise I prefer watching blood sports to participating.

And just to get it over with ...

Yes, I do eat babies - marinated in the tears of child labor & grilled over rain-forest charcoal. Tastes like chicken, which our reptilian alien overlords love. Me, I haven't so much sold out as decided I'd rather be a pet than food.

Lydia oh Lydia, say have you met Lydia,
Lydia, the Tattooed Lady.
She has eyes that folks adore so,
And a torso even more so.

Lydia oh Lydia, that encyclopidia,
Oh Lydia the Queen of Tattoo.
On her back is the Battle of Waterloo.
Beside it the Wreck of the Hesperus, too.
And proudly above waves the Red, White, and Blue,
You can learn a lot from Lydia.

Salma might want to get a little work done to fix that bitchface she's had since forever.

Muchsarcasm: ha ha ha ha ha! I can't stand that insufferable bitch. She also has zero talent.

I hate do do this but it's amigUita.

Quite a solid post. I saw a webpage with a article as good as identical to this one a few of weeks ago. This post is a day older so I assume they have just copied and changed it. I'm not accusing you of copyright abuse it's merely just it is out there. I can't remember the website, sorry (age thing)