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Ryan Gosling Asks Us To Imagine What It Would Be Like To Share A Bed With Him. Way Ahead Of You, Baby Goose.

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (31)

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Oh, my attractive abaci and polyamorous polynomials, do you feel neglected when I get all literary up in this joint? Should I throw a little more love to you, my pulchritudinous pocket protectors. Well, next time you’re feeling lonely, cuddle up with one of these Statistical Distribution Plushies. I must say, the Weibull Distribution is rather dashing. (Nerd Approved)

You know where I’m going with this dashing transition, don’t you? Here are some photos of our Baby Goose on the red carpet at Cannes sporting what could charitably be called a Rat Pack-inspired lounge shirt. But it’s totally his pj’s, mes amis. (Celebitchy)

One more Celebitchy link for you today because I can’t pass up an excuse to sneer at Scarlett Johansson. Here she is in a photoshoot for W dressed as Marlene Dietrich and BUSTER KEATON? At least she admits she was drunk when they came up with the concept. (Celebitchy)

You know I love me some Celebitchy, but my other favorite gossip site, Evil Beet, is currently hiring. So, my sharp-tongued snarkfaces, if you’ve got some excess vitriol and need an outlet, apply today! Feel free to list me as a reference, my standards are very low. (Evil Beet)

But, apparently, the Person In Charge of the Rapture has very high standards. Here is a flowchart to determine whether you will be moving on up this Saturday. Unfortunately, whoever wrote this flowchart made a typo, so clearly they are no longer One of the Chosen. (Blame It On The Voices)

I know, I know, the Rapture thing is quite stupid and that chart has no real-world application. This chart, however, will prove VERY useful when playing Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock. I, for one, am always forgetting that Spock Vaporizes Rock. (I Love Charts)

Speaking of things that need vaporizing, that Racist psychologist Satoshi Kanazawa may lose his job at The London School of Economics. Yaaaay! Let’s celebrate by looking at these gorgeous “Black Beauties” put together by our favorite Angry Black Lady. That last one on the right? I’d hit that. (Angry Black Lady)

The POTUSILF gave a fantastic speech regarding the Middle East yesterday. If you missed it and don’t want to read the full text, I’ve word-clouded it for you. Um, I think the message is pretty plain, non?

mid east speech .jpg

Speaking of reading, my lying Lannisters and stoic Starks, the “Song of Ice and Fire” books (ahem, that includes “Game of Thrones”) are going for, well, a song right now. Stock up before Winter gets here. (Amazon)

While we’re on the subject of heroism, Charles Barkley scored a lot of points with me today for this interview where he speaks out against homophobia in the world of professional sports. Tip of the gay beret to Kballs. (Washington Post)

But no one is more heroic to me today than Mr. George Takei and his “It’s okay to be Takei” campaign. The stupid TN bill actually passed today. I am flabbergaysted. It’s an unmitigayted disaster. I don’t know what to gay.

PS, BTW, WTS, who let a camera crew into my kitchen?!?! WHO SAID YOU COULD BROADCAST MY PATENTED TRAIL-MIX PANCAKE RECIPE. Imma sue. But first, I’m going to drink.

Finally, my pets, this extra bonus video is so you can head into Rapture weekend with a warm and glowing soul. It’s a wedding video and while you may not think some stranger’s wedding will make your soul glo, you’d be wrong. Also, is that bride wearing slippers to her wedding!?! CLEVER GEHL.

Hayden+Sean - Wedding Highlight - Austin, Texas from HopScotch Films on Vimeo.

Joanna Robinson acknowledges that she may have been slightly suckered in by the Zack Braffian qualities of that wedding video. Also, if you are in doubt, “soul glo” is not a typo. Educate yourself. Email! Twitter!









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Comments

Gotta love the center of that cloud. "People must change."

Between Charles Barkley and Sulu, I may just have to go Takei.

(I just realized what that sounds like...and I'm still ok with it.)

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 20, 2011 1:07 PM

Damn it! I just bought that exact Song of Ice and Fire set last week and paid full price.

Posted by: Paultera at May 20, 2011 1:16 PM

So, what if I find the Drunk Chef kind of endearing/charming? I'm not sure she was really drunk -- reminded me more of the kids at the Weir party pretending to be drunk on the NearBeer.

But still, I watched all the way through. 'Cause she charmed me.

Posted by: Rob at May 20, 2011 1:16 PM

Baby Goose is lacking some chest hairs to sport that shirt.

Posted by: MissRos at May 20, 2011 1:18 PM

Gabrielle Union is so goddamn gorgeous it hurts me.

Posted by: Todd at May 20, 2011 1:18 PM

Word cloud might as well read "We're all fucked."

Posted by: superasente at May 20, 2011 1:20 PM

I bet Gosling wore the shirt to be wry. From what little I've read of him, he has a great sense of humour. On the extras of A History of Violence, they showed Viggo Mortensen at the Cannes premier in a full bullfighter ensemble and you could tell he was just going all out embracing the ridiculous hoopla and it was hilarious.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 20, 2011 1:27 PM

Ms. Harto,
I want get drunk and make love with you. Or pancakes. Either works.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 20, 2011 1:39 PM

As a very white person myself, I don't know how anybody can think that white people, on average, are better-looking than people of color, on average. They're just not. Adding color to the white gene pool (all kinds of color - black, Asian, Hispanic, Indian) has improved it tremendously. Nothing against the northern European people (the Swedes and whatnot), some of them are very tasty. Just sayin'.

Posted by: Slash at May 20, 2011 1:44 PM

Damnit Court just because I know what a Weibull distribution is doesn't mean I have a pocket protector!

Anymore.

Posted by: logan at May 20, 2011 1:58 PM

I'm going to kill Gosling. But first I'll probably shave him, against his will, to make him cry.

Then the blunt force.

“soul glo” is not a typo

I don't wanna live in a world where that's a necessary statement. I certainly hope I'm not.

Posted by: Jay at May 20, 2011 1:58 PM

OK so feedback requested:

I've always thought Indian women were by far the most beautiful as a whole

1. Am I racist to think this, and 2. Does anybody else think this?

Posted by: meh at May 20, 2011 2:01 PM

George Takei you're my heeeeerrrrooooo. You to Charles, the only reason I watch basketball, ever.

Posted by: JenVegas at May 20, 2011 2:06 PM

Joanna, I'm totally with you on suing the drunk kitchen girl. I had the idea to do the same kind of show but didn't do anything about it. Then I saw Epic Meal Time and figured I was beat to it anyway. I guess I'll have to just go with the Drunk with power tools idea.

Posted by: Paultera at May 20, 2011 2:20 PM

And Rob, I think you're right she seems fake drunk but it was still funny.

Posted by: Paultera at May 20, 2011 2:21 PM

(also, if lovin' The Lord is wrong, I don't wanna be right)

Posted by: Jay at May 20, 2011 2:23 PM

Should I throw a little more love to you, my pulchritudinous pocket protectors. Well, next time you’re feeling lonely, cuddle up with one of these Statistical Distribution Plushies.

Are you saying that we are inherently lonely? If you prick us do we not Bernoulli? If you tickle us do we not Lagrange? If you Poisson us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not Riemann?

Posted by: branded at May 20, 2011 2:23 PM

Meh Wouldn't that just be a matter of personal taste? You are saying that you have a type that you consider beautiful.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 20, 2011 2:37 PM

And you aren't presenting your opinion as "science".

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 20, 2011 2:43 PM

Okay, enough is enough. I am fucking IN LOVE With Buster Keaton. IN LOVE. I have loved that man for years. I DONT CARE THAT HE'S DEAD, WE'RE TOTALLY HOOKING UP AFTER THE RAPTURE TOMORROW BECAUSE I WILL PROBABLY BE RAPTURED PROBABLY BECAUSE I HAVE FAKE ID AND ST PETER WILL BE DRUNK FROM THE BOOZE I TAKE UP WITH ME.

ScarJo TitsMcGee WHAT THE FUCK EVER SHE IS BEING REFERRED TO THESE DAYS, needs to back the fuck up off film history she can't even BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND. Look at her tryna throw out an Old Stoneface and FAILING LIKE A DOUCHEBAG.

BAH.

Also Gosling, seriously, explain it to me? That motherfucker was YOUNG FUCKING HERCULES. He looks like he was stretched. He and Michael Pitt were made by the same infant god using blue tack, who left them on a radiator to melt and morph. Losers.

Posted by: Nadine at May 20, 2011 3:49 PM

What's the big deal, I call every Saturday Night "The Rapture." It is possible we are not talking about the same thing, though.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at May 20, 2011 3:56 PM

Gosling is extremely good at this job.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 20, 2011 4:01 PM

The job of looking like his head got pinched in his mothers....jingledoodle and stuck that way like those cone headed aztec babies?

Posted by: Nadine at May 20, 2011 4:04 PM

If your study is basically "Look at these people and tell us what you think about them", the data from that study can, and SHOULD, only be used to demonstrate the opinions of the interviewees, not the qualities of the test subjects.

Except for you, Mr. Kanazawa. When I look and you and say, "You are an asshat", your head is, in fact, residing inside your posterior.

Posted by: Lauren at May 20, 2011 4:10 PM

Not to hipster it up around here, but she is wearing Toms, not slippers.

Excuse me while I go drink some PBR and wear ironic glasses.

Posted by: quirk at May 20, 2011 5:55 PM

@socrates_johnson: i concur.

@superasente: you may have a point.

i'm takei, i'm here, get used to it. (just wanted to try that out)

Posted by: splinter at May 20, 2011 7:20 PM

I keep reading the word cloud as CHANGE MUST PEOPLE! and I cannot unread it that way.

"Change must people" does make sense in its own strange way though.

Posted by: Nat Kittyface at May 20, 2011 8:48 PM

I totally misread your comment about the wedding video and thought it had "Zap Brannigan qualities". I am now disappointed. Dammit.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at May 20, 2011 9:04 PM

"Baby Goose is lacking some chest hairs to sport that shirt."

MissRos, some of us grown-ass men have naturally bare chests. While it is a constant struggle, we do try to lead productive lives. Your support and understanding would be appreciated.

Posted by: firedmyass at May 20, 2011 10:48 PM

d that man for years. I DONT CARE THAT HE'S DEAD, WE'RE TOTALLY HOOKING UP AFTER THE RAPTURE TOMORROW BECAUSE I WILL PROBABLY BE RAPTURED PROBABLY BECAUSE I HAVE FAKE ID AND ST PETER WILL BE DRUNK FROM THE BOOZE I TAKE UP WITH ME.
ScarJo TitsMcGee WHAT THE FUCK EVER SHE IS BEING REFERRED TO THESE DAYS, needs to back the fuck up off film history she can't even BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND. Look at her tryna throw out an Old Stoneface and FAILING LIKE A DOUCHEBAG.
BAH.
Also Gosling, seriously, explain it to me? That motherfucker was YOUNG FUCKING HERCULES. He looks like he was stretched. He and Micha

Posted by: cosplay costumes at May 21, 2011 4:45 AM

Natty, I didn't actually watch the speech. Perhaps he delivered the entire thing as Yoda...

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 21, 2011 8:43 AM