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Real Life "Teen Wolves" Spotted in Texas

By Stacey Nosek | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (42)

teen-wolf.jpg

This might be the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. No doubt thanks to Twilight — of goddamn course — dumb idiot teenagers are calling themselves “werewolves” and hanging out in packs. Something tells me these werewolves aren’t very good at basketball. (Gamma Squad)

In news that’s more mysterious and shocking than anything that probably happened on “Lost” last night — Brittany Murphy’s overweight, skeevy widower Simon Monjack was found dead last night at 39 years old. (Yeeeah!)

Speaking of people who should be found dead somewhere, Joe Francis has popped up to remind people that he still exists and is still a giant asshole. (Evil Beet)

So. Lindsay Lohan is due to appear in a Los Angeles court this morning (which she will probably be leaving wearing new shiny metal bracelets) and good thing she prepared by being photographed with cocaine. Update tomorrow. (Celebslam)

Martin Scorsese wants Al Pacino and Robert De Niro to reunite again to play Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra in a biopic. Ehh. It sounds like it makes more sense than Righteous Kill I guess. (The Playlist)

American Apparel isn’t doing well. I’m kind of amazed it’s taken this long, but I guess people finally realized that they don’t want to pay upwards of $30 for a T-shirt during a recession. (Agent Bedhead)

Here are five “Lost” spin-offs we’d like to see happen. Or you’d like to see happen, since, as I’ve mentioned many, many times, I never watched the show. (Unreality)

If you don’t want to pay $10 to see a movie right away or wait three months to rent it from Netflix for part of your membership, a new proposal will let you watch theatrical releases only a month after the fact and pay two to three times as much for it. Where do I sign up?! (Cinematical)

Good news! Paula Abdul is going to be giving her drugged-up, incoherent brand of constructive criticism on a new dance show now. (Warming Glow)

Oh, this is delightful: Here are five boogers that changed the world. (Frothy Girlz)

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. You know those times where I feign ambiguous horror over a link without telling you what it is and then you all go and click anyway and bitch at me over the contents of said link? This is one of those times. Ha ha, suck it, suckers. (Film Drunk)

Yeeeesch. Burger King is making ribs now. It’s funny, because they look gross but then apparently they also taste gross, too. (Impulsive Buy)

Here’s a flowchart to determine what TV game show you should go on. (Holy Taco)

And since I figure I should have some sort of “Lost”-related video today, here are adorable kittehs summing up “Lost” in one minute:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.









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Comments

That Lost spin-off list is useless without a buddy cop show featuring Sawyer and Miles. USELESS!

Posted by: Patty O'Green at May 24, 2010 1:05 PM

Sweet, sweet Godtopus!!!! How about giving us a tinsy winsy warning for those horrific links Stacey?! Jesus fucking Christ. I did not need to see that while eating my lunch. I actually did not need to see that, like, EVER. But especially while eating lunch. 'Feign ambiguous horror' my ass.

My life will never be the same.

Posted by: Scully at May 24, 2010 1:11 PM

Damn't...your werewolf link actually links to the LOST spin-off link...which I REALLY did not want to see.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at May 24, 2010 1:12 PM

Note to self: Don't taunt anything with huge horns without proper armor in place ALL OVER BODY.


Or maybe just forget about taunting anything with huge horns in the first place. Yeah. I'll go with that.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at May 24, 2010 1:23 PM

"I'M HAVING A BAYEBEEEY! I'M HAVING A BAYEBEEEEY!"

Ringtone!

Posted by: Sofía at May 24, 2010 1:26 PM

Here's the link.
http://gammasquad.uproxx.com/2010/05/gawdammitsomuch-twilight

"...movies like Van Helsing and the Twilight series have captured the attention of teenagers."

Really? They took Van Helsing over the Underworld series? WOW.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at May 24, 2010 1:31 PM

The Teen Wolf link directs me to the Lost Spinoffs.

Posted by: alphawhiskey at May 24, 2010 1:33 PM

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD

curiosity + fear = paralysis


Must. Not. Click.

Must. Click.

Must. Not. Click.

Must. Click.

AAAAUUUUGHHHH

Posted by: mswas at May 24, 2010 1:36 PM

Sorry guys, link fixed!

Posted by: Stacey at May 24, 2010 1:38 PM

I figured after hell week I wouldn't cringe as visibly as I did when I saw...that. All I can say is I did something eerily similar to that once...I got good money for it too.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at May 24, 2010 1:39 PM

I guess people finally realized that they don’t want to pay upwards of $30 for a T-shirt during a recession.

It's true. I just went to Old Navy's sale, and got FIVE t-shirts for $30. SWEET.

Posted by: Anna von Beaversmack at May 24, 2010 1:39 PM

Holy SHIT. That 'surprise' link? Not cool man. Not cool.

I only saw it for a second before clicking the page away, and I can still see it everytime I close my eyes.

Posted by: Joi at May 24, 2010 1:39 PM

Also, there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY IN HELL you are gonna get me to click on that ambiguously labeled link. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice (or 15 times), shame on me.

NO WAY IN HELL.

Posted by: Anna von Beaversmack at May 24, 2010 1:41 PM

Most days I hate being from San Antonio. Today that sentiment is amplified.

I hope the Fang Baby gets its fangs on these werewolf kids.

"Pinche, Fang Baby! I kick your ass!"

Posted by: lubeg at May 24, 2010 1:46 PM

Come on AVB. You're tough enough-grab the bull by the horns and click on the damn link!

Posted by: Mrcreosote at May 24, 2010 1:48 PM

I didn't watch the Lost Finale.
I have only seen one episode and am fine with that.
But after clicking on that surprise link, I really ficking needed those cats.
Even if they were spoiler cats.

Posted by: Odnon at May 24, 2010 1:49 PM

For all that is holy and unholy, do NOT click on the ambiguous link.

Stacey is the spawn of Beelzepus.

I'm going to start calling this scary link thing, "Pulling a Nosek."

Posted by: BWeaves at May 24, 2010 1:51 PM

Holy Shit. I am trauma nurse and that link distrubed me. I mean holy fuck, my patient cut his arm off with a chainsaw and I didn't find his wound anywhere near as disturbing as that link.

Posted by: Nurse EagerBeaverBaby at May 24, 2010 1:56 PM

Did anyone squuiirrrrm when watching those werewolf kids? It's just so awkward. And when they get older, that clip will haunt them.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at May 24, 2010 1:57 PM

I used to live above an American Apparel.

One day someone took a shit outside their display window.

/smile

Posted by: D-Day at May 24, 2010 1:57 PM

My favourite part of today's pajiba love is that on that game show flowchart, the only answer to "Do you love wearing a big name tag and jumping up and down?" is "Of course!"
I know it's not as funny when I say it like that.
But I laughed, god damn it.

Posted by: A-schaef at May 24, 2010 2:15 PM

I work in a seminary and I want to click on the link so badly!

Someone tell me what it is before I click on it and a rabbi sees me and prays for my soul!

Posted by: scorzi at May 24, 2010 2:15 PM

Oh those poor, poor teens.

What they need? A reasonable adult to walk up to them, put their hands on the teen's shoulders, look them straight in the eye and say very slowly and very emphatically:

"Honey, listen. You look like a fucktard. Just stop."

I volunteer.

Posted by: figgy at May 24, 2010 2:22 PM

Someone tell me what it is before I click on it and a rabbi sees me and prays for my soul!

Just wait, scorzi. I'm sure someone here will take one on through the chin for you.

Posted by: branded at May 24, 2010 2:22 PM

And, personally, I want to watch a show called "Ben and John's Schizophrenic Adventures in Babysitting".

Posted by: figgy at May 24, 2010 2:24 PM

I decided to check out the video of the ambiguous link on Deadspin and I became extremely horny. I mean catatonic.

Awww come on, the link with the eel who ate the guy's intestines was worse. No pic needed, my imagination did the trick.

Posted by: Mick J at May 24, 2010 2:33 PM

SPOILER ALERT FOR THE AMBIGUOUS LINK



Apparently he was in critical then stable condition, but his mouth was, quote, "destroyed."



END OF SPOILER ALERT FOR THE AMBIGUOUS LINK

Posted by: Mick J at May 24, 2010 2:36 PM

And for those of you who didn't/couldn't make it past the pic, the NY Post headline was “H-OLÉ.” That's solid gold right there.

Posted by: Mick J at May 24, 2010 2:40 PM

The video from which the pic in that HOLY MOG link was culled.
Holy fuck that's gotta smart...

Posted by: Rykker at May 24, 2010 2:40 PM

Srsly, werewolves? Srsly now??

Quick, someone make Frankensteins monster the new romantic hero.

The more Eddie Munsters I see stomping around, the better THE WHOLE WORLD will be

Posted by: Nadine at May 24, 2010 2:51 PM

scorzi - it's nothing sexual.

You know, I feel bad for the guy, I really do. But I think bullfighting is incredibly inhumane, so I don't feel as badly for him as I might otherwise.

Posted by: tamatha at May 24, 2010 2:57 PM

The more Eddie Munsters I see stomping around, the better THE WHOLE WORLD will be

Oh, and Nadine, that's a fabulous image right there. Thanks!

Posted by: tamatha at May 24, 2010 2:58 PM

HAA!! FUck you Bullfighter!!! FUCK YOOOOOOUUU


Um..Link Spoilers

Posted by: Nadine at May 24, 2010 3:08 PM

As hard as I try I can’t seem to remember werewolves ever being obese.

Posted by: Pookie at May 24, 2010 3:10 PM

Dear Stacey,
You can't bitch about the bitching. The bitching is deserved. I, for one, have wrapped shoulders-nose region in a blanket and will not be unwrapping it for a good long while. AAAGH!

Posted by: esme at May 24, 2010 3:24 PM

You guys have no idea how excited I get when I find these gross-out links. It's always a good day when I can make my readers have a collective heart attack.

Posted by: Stacey at May 24, 2010 3:42 PM

I love gross-out links.

While I do feel sorry for that dude, I have to say: you fuck with the bull, you get the horns. Olé!

Posted by: MM at May 24, 2010 4:49 PM

As horrific as that one was I've seen 2 worse. In one some guy got nailed in the scrotum and probably big Jim and the twins were involved somehow and in another a guy took a good foot of horn in the rectum/prostate area and probably never got it up again and had to live with a colostomy bag for a year. My rule of thumb is that if 3000 pounds of enraged hamburger or anything else wants to give you a horn enema you stay the hell away.

Posted by: OscarTamerz at May 24, 2010 5:25 PM

"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. You know those times where I feign ambiguous horror over a link..?"

You know all those times we tell you we hate you after looking at one of these links? Well, I hate you. Just...hate.

Posted by: greer at May 24, 2010 7:16 PM

Man if there's one really violent thing I like seeing, it's matadors getting the crapped kicked out of them by bulls. Please tell me the guy is dead. Pleeeeeaasseee!

Posted by: Chugga at May 25, 2010 2:40 AM

I'm with you, Chugga. Fuck that matador. His job is to stab the bull until it dies.

Posted by: superasente at May 25, 2010 8:30 AM

I skimmed through that teen wolf video 'cause it was too difficult to watch them talk, but if you get to the end where the kid and his mom are pictured together...she's talking, and the shot is super wide because he's standing about ten feet away from her. Dude, you can't act embarrassed by your mother when you're doing a way better job than she is at embarrassing yourself.

Posted by: HappyGobo at May 27, 2010 4:32 AM