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Raise Your Hand If You Think TK Should Real-Time Review The Upcoming Royal Wedding. . .And Wear A Jaunty Hat Whilst Doing So.

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (57)

Wills and Kate.jpeg

Oh my gourd! I love puns! And snacks! And movies! The internet made a website just for meeeee!!! (Snack To The Future)

No, no, no, I lied. THIS is the website the internet made just for me. Let me…juuuust…snip my hair into a Tenille-shaped bob…PERMISSION TO COME ABOARD, SIR? (Sea Captain Date)

Congresswoman from California (what! what!) Jackie Spears gave an impassioned and cutting speech in defense of Planned Parenthood. This is one of those “You Go Girl” moments I’ve read about. I still can’t bring myself to say it, though. I’ll just do that slow-clap thingie instead. (Buzzfeed)

Ah, ladies, but then we have the SXSW controversy. This year’s line-up of over 30 stand-up comedians only includes one lady (I knew it would be you, Tig). SXSW responds very gracefully to the complaints. (Double X)

Ah, my little line-drawings and negative spaces, check out these beautiful illustrations for the Bafta-nominated Best Pictures. The Inception sketch captures what was weirdly one of my favorite images from the film. (First Showing)

Speaking of Art, my dears, did you see graffiti artist and inveterate prankster Banksy’s Academy Award-nominated documentary Exit Through The Gift Shop? It was great. And Banksy is great and the Motion Picture Academy is being super stuffy and won’t let him accept his potential Oscar in disguise. The man needs his anonymity! It’s part of the prankster thing! You let Ben Stiller dress as a Na’avi! COME ON. (Inside Movies)

WORD. (Imgur)

What do you mean Gawker’s web traffic is down since the redesign? People don’t come to the internet to induce brain aneurysms? I’m shocked! (Tech Crunch)

Beastmaster is so far right on this graph as to be off the charts. Making it the best worst movie of all time. If you disagree, TK will hold you down whilst I slap some sense into you. (This Is Indexed)

Speaking of slapping and TK, who’s excited for the royal wedding? I was too young for the last one, so I admit, I’m a bit curious. I do love this story about Kate and Camilla getting into an upper crust snit fit about whom to invite. Royalebrities, they’re just like us! (Celebitchy)

I know what EVERYONE is getting for their President’s Day gift. What, you guys don’t exchange President’s Day gifts? Where’s your patriotism?! Your economy needs you! Um, that intro went off the rails, this link is actually about the new Princess Bride board game. Sorry about that. (Think Geek)

The lovely and talented tamatha sent me this bizarre Norwegian (Is it Norwegian? Swedish? Don’t hate me you frosty, blonde demi-gods.) video on the evils of plagiarism. Come for the boobs at the beginning stay for the lovely dance number at the end. Oh, and if you don’t speak the language (Norwegian? Swedish? Na’avi?), hit the CC button on the bottom for subtitles.

And, finally, my darlings, what’s better than cranking the new (it dropped a day early) Radiohead album? Watching Thom Yorke dance spastically to one of the new tracks whilst wearing (take notes, TK) a jaunty bowler.

Joanna Robinson may have lost TK’s affection forever. How should she win him back? Pet ferrets? Send your suggestions here: godtopuswept@gmail.com









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Comments

Oh, of course! TK can borrow my beret.

Posted by: Jay at February 18, 2011 1:39 PM

What, no making fun of the wrestler in Iowa who forfeited rather than manhandle a girl? Because it was against his Christian beliefs?

Posted by: idiosynchronic at February 18, 2011 1:47 PM

If TK even sniffs in the direction of that shower of in-bred tax leeches perpetuating their breed, I am done with him forever.

But I love the plagiarism video.

Posted by: PaddyDog at February 18, 2011 1:48 PM

Also, the food posters are beautiful, though I'd argue: 1. That's not the best Kroger marinade flavor to use (the Teriyaki Pineapple is the best) and 2. That ribeye doesn't need marinating! Just a long salting (Meat Science) (Put the Teriyaki Pineapple on chicken you're gonna bake)

Posted by: Jay at February 18, 2011 1:49 PM

What are you, Irish?!

Posted by: Jay at February 18, 2011 1:50 PM

*Hand raise*
For the hat, he should wear a Raylon Givens style cowboy hat to represent 'Murrica.

TK will hold you down whilst I slap some sense into you.

Was there a part of this statement that WASN'T supposed to sound appealing?

I assume the entire internet has been built just for me, or at least with my interests in mind.

Posted by: L4NkYb at February 18, 2011 1:52 PM

That TK review needs to happen. I don't have a jaunty hat though. I look terrible in hats.

Posted by: (Not so) Blonde Savant at February 18, 2011 1:52 PM

Um, I thought this was already decided? OF COURSE TK is real-time reviewing the wedding. And that made-for-TV movie about Kate, right? And they should maybe be video reviews so we can watch the meltdowns and subsequent head explosions. Fun for everybody!

Posted by: Katers at February 18, 2011 1:53 PM

Gawker/Jezebel's redesign makes me want to burn things. Mostly the websites for egregious eye abuse and crimes against functionality.

Posted by: Melody at February 18, 2011 1:57 PM

The only reason I'm excited about the wedding is that we get the day off. Not only that but because of the way the other bank holidays fall if you take three days off you can be off for almost two weeks. Brilliant.

Posted by: Carrie at February 18, 2011 2:11 PM

I'm still waiting for my Royal Wedding invitation. I wonder if they got my zip code wrong? I should call my pal Lizzie the Queen to make sure. Meanwhile, I shall shop for a giant feathered hat to wear.

I'd been waiting for an excuse to stop checking Jezebel (I liked their galleries, but Tom and Lorenzo's are better). The redesign did all my work for me. That thing is a fucking eyesore. I hope that this gets through the heads of all those fuckwits running websites who think that they HAVE to change just for the hell of it. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. I just don't get it--it was so easy to navigate and read, to look at top stories, to read comments, etc. Why make it so complicated and unreadable when you didn't have to?

And it's been confirmed: I will never like Radiohead

Posted by: Figgy at February 18, 2011 2:13 PM

Those movie posters were delightful. They also made me hungry, which is impressive because I just ate a burger.

Posted by: nosio at February 18, 2011 2:13 PM

The boys at Penny Arcade summed up the new Gawker design quite aptly:

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2011/2/11/gawk-blocking/

Agreed.

Posted by: Gordo at February 18, 2011 2:15 PM

Those movie posters were delightful. They also made me hungry, which is impressive because I just ate a burger.

Posted by: nosio at February 18, 2011 2:16 PM

Well it's definitely not their best song, figgy.

Posted by: Jay at February 18, 2011 2:16 PM

I love Adam Simpson's menacing King's Speech poster - it's chilling. It's almost more powerful than the movie itself (and I enjoyed the movie tremendously. I can say I enjoyed something "tremendously" because it was a British flick, so I'm not being pretentious.)

Posted by: Sara Tonin at February 18, 2011 2:16 PM

Ooh, sorry for the double post! Stupid phone.

Posted by: nosio at February 18, 2011 2:21 PM

Gordo,

My roommate's solution is to go to kotaku.ca. I wonder if that works for Gawker/Jezebel though.

Posted by: L4NkYb at February 18, 2011 2:23 PM

It was ACE, Ms. Tonin! I was well chuffed after I saw it at the cinema.

Posted by: Jay at February 18, 2011 2:26 PM

*raises hand*

Posted by: staceygarrett at February 18, 2011 2:46 PM

Our brave boys died face down in the mud so that I don't have to care about crap like royal weddings!

Now mark it zero!

Posted by: The Mutt at February 18, 2011 2:57 PM

for the gawker/jezebel/deadspin/etc redesign, just put a ca. in front of the site name. For instance:

ca.gawker.com

You're welcome.

Posted by: ponch at February 18, 2011 2:58 PM

Storming the Castle isn't new, but it's a great game. be warned, it's extremely cutthroat.

Posted by: ponch at February 18, 2011 3:01 PM

Please, PLEASE have TK review the wedding in real time. Please.

Posted by: sarahk at February 18, 2011 3:04 PM

Here, here, Sir Jay.

Posted by: Sara Tonin at February 18, 2011 3:05 PM

I'll kill you all.

Posted by: TK at February 18, 2011 3:12 PM

Bookies in Britain are already taking odds on when William and Kate will get divorced.

Posted by: csb at February 18, 2011 3:22 PM

TK - Perhaps it's time to dust of the ol' list?

he he he

Posted by: tamatha at February 18, 2011 3:25 PM

Dust off! Dust off the ol' list.

damnit.

Posted by: tamatha at February 18, 2011 3:26 PM

*hand raise*

I DEMAND that this occur. I would put off the birth of my child to watch this. That's how badly I'd like to make sure this happens. I'll even buy the whiskey.

Posted by: Mr. Yuck at February 18, 2011 3:40 PM

Oh definitely, young master TK is the perfect reviewer. I know for a fact that he would love to do weekly real time reviews of David Tutera's My Fair Wedding episodes.

/there, don't say I never gave you nothing, bro.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 18, 2011 4:00 PM

I don't know how many of you were around for the last installation of "The Windsors Find A Breeding Mare", but you do realize real-time reviewing of the actual event coverage will cost TK at least six hours of his real life that he can never get back, and that he will have to get up around 1 am to do it (I'm assuming the Pajiba corporate jet is already busy that day).
And if you need to know what TK is like when he's really, really angry...not just real-time review of a Lifetime movie angry.....but REALLY angry, ask a certain BarbadoSlim.

Posted by: PaddyDog at February 18, 2011 4:03 PM

Royal wedding. Pshaw!

If there's anything that A Song Of Fire And Ice has taught me, it's that monarchy causes way too many problems.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at February 18, 2011 4:14 PM

As someone who has both had an abortion and has used Planned Parenthood for affordable birth control when I didn't have health insurance, I watched Jackie Spears's verbal immolation with glee and awe. There's nothing quite like seeing a woman stare an ignorant, misogynistic right-winger in the face and make him look like a complete tool. Slow clap indeed.

Posted by: Dingles at February 18, 2011 4:20 PM

Men of England, wherefore plough
For the lords who lay ye low?
Wherefore weave with toil and care
The rich robes your tyrants wear?

Wherefore feed and clothe and save,
From the cradle to the grave,
Those ungrateful drones who would
Drain your sweat -nay, drink your blood?

Posted by: Percy Bysshe Shelley at February 18, 2011 4:24 PM

...and by Spears's I meant Speier’s. This is why I don't get slow claps.

Posted by: Dingles at February 18, 2011 4:24 PM

figgy, what about ukulele covers of Radiohead songs? I find those far more entertaining as the seriousity level is significantly undercut by the gentle twing-twang of the Hawaiian guitbox.

Posted by: Robert at February 18, 2011 4:26 PM

If you do I never want to see another see another word written about the "dumb" people who watch shows you don't like.

Posted by: John W at February 18, 2011 4:26 PM

Please, TK? Pretty please? How about if we ask for occasional updates whenever you glance at the insanity that is the pre-show, then a blow by blow (oh, wait, it's Harry that's rumored to be a by-blow), of the ceremony itself. If we're really lucky, we'll get another glorious moment like when Diana accidentally married Prince Philip (she reversed the names) and everyone pretended not to notice that she didn't know the name of her new owner... er, husband.

Conversely, oh great Pajiba overlords, is't possible to set up a "murdertank" chat so anyone disposed to watching the grand proceedings can snark in real time? That might save TK the work of murdering all of us. I'm sure he has something else to do with his life, even if he does break our hearts in the process.

Posted by: Reba at February 18, 2011 4:31 PM

Ok, I just watched the plagiarism video, and it is all kinds of amazing. However, I'm going to point out that part of the melody exactly duplicates "Super" from South Park movie.

I'll still forward it to my friends in academia though.

Posted by: Sara Tonin at February 18, 2011 4:40 PM

and RobP, I believe you are the first to have made any sense of my handle. Kudos. (I believe you are a fellow performer, yes? when the world lets you?)

Posted by: Sara Tonin at February 18, 2011 4:48 PM

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE MAKE THIS HAPPEN (real-time review of wedding).

I have no intention of watching any part of the wedding (and cannot understand the frenzy over the marriage of a couple of 20-something Brits), but would enjoy an RTR of it.

Posted by: Slash at February 18, 2011 4:57 PM

you do realize real-time reviewing of the actual event coverage will cost TK at least six hours of his real life that he can never get back, and that he will have to get up around 1 am to do it

Seeing as how PaddyDog has so thoroughly covered the pro-RTR section of this debate, I see no reason to explore the opposing view. MAKE IT SO!

Posted by: branded at February 18, 2011 5:01 PM

Hats are friggin' awesome. I love hats. On a recent trip to the Big Easy, I stumbled into a lovely little boutique and had a fabulous orgasm over a pink velvet English riding hat. I do believe they plan on using that in future advertisements, so I'll be sure to pass that along.

Posted by: dahlia6 at February 18, 2011 6:04 PM

To settle the question, in case it hasn't been settled yet (I'm too lazy to read all the comments), the plagiarism video is in Norwegian. There, now that we've sorted that out. I'll lend TK my very special french beret to wear to show his disdain for the English while reviewing the perpetuation of their monarchy. Paddy, just think of the delicious rage!

Posted by: Joker at February 18, 2011 6:22 PM

That hat had better be the jauntiest of all jaunty hats this side of the Atlantic.

Posted by: duckandcover at February 18, 2011 6:56 PM

I'm not pro-monarchy, quite the opposite, but I must admit to curiousity about the dress. I see no point to subject TK to the ceremony when there are so many Lifetime movies available for his torture and our delectation.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at February 18, 2011 7:11 PM

Damn the wedding. I couldn't give a hobo's ass. Just wear the jaunty hat.

Posted by: greer at February 18, 2011 7:21 PM

I remember the first wedding when I was in elementary school. One of my teachers was just so excited about the whole thing, and to make matters worst he was a black guy. Me and my stupid friends were laughing and making silly jokes and he got upset with us, ahhhh, youth. Anyway, if TK wants to do a Real-Time Review of something, come to my therapy session and do a Real-Time Review of my psychiatrist trying to convince me to keep taking my medication.

Posted by: Pookie at February 18, 2011 7:28 PM

That speech by Rep. Speier was amazing. Made me tear up.

Posted by: John W at February 18, 2011 10:27 PM

Speaking of weddings, a long time lurker pajibaite is getting married. I am trying to win a free one, so I am unlurking to plea for votes. http://www.ultimateweddingcontest.com/entry/102414
Not spam! Promise. Just couldnt resist posting as the royal wedding has 10000x my budget at least.

Posted by: Jamie at February 19, 2011 9:33 AM

I was always quite ambivalent about the Windsors/Waleses but there's something about this wedding that makes me very, very, very stabby. A day off work makes no freakin' difference whatsoever - it actually means I miss a day of class which would be a lot more use to me than watching this pair. While I agree that a TK RTR would be fabulous (the very first post I ever read on Pajiba was his RTR of "The Client List", and I did that thing of reading bits of it out to my husband and then collapsing with laughter halfway through a sentence, rendering the rest of the words unintelligible), I also second Paddydog's concern that these infernal "occasions" last about a million years and, frankly, I think that's more than we can expect him to take.

Posted by: lingli at February 19, 2011 3:31 PM

The plagiarism post was all kinds of awesome! I love it!

Posted by: Alarmjaguar at February 19, 2011 4:55 PM

I'm sorry, what was that, am I a nerdy academic? Why yes, yes I am.

Posted by: Alarmjaguar at February 19, 2011 4:55 PM

I'm casting my vote. TK should review the Royal wedding.

OOH. I loved Inception! Those movie posters are mucho stunning and quite brill.

Posted by: Case at February 19, 2011 5:00 PM

Hand raised high for a RealTime Royal FreeForAll Murdertank!
Achtung: All participating Pajibans, be they eloquents, private oliphants or lurkers MUST wear jaunty hats (and nothing else!) Pix optional.

Posted by: cinekat at February 21, 2011 9:32 AM

Beastmaster is undeniably awesome crap. Tanya Roberts best work, by far. Side-boob... i mean -question... Is there any famous Tanya/Tonya that ain't trashy as all git out?

I mean famous enough to come to mind w/o googling; Tonya Harding, Tanya Tucker, etc.

Posted by: firedmyass at February 24, 2011 4:55 PM