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Put Down The Cigarette, Fassbender, My Dreams Are In The No-Smoking Section

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (60)



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Oh, my musty, dusty bookworms, it sort of pains me to see all these non-literary uses for books. I can only hope these volumes were read over and over before they were turned into, um, that totally awesome desk that I covet. Seriously, someone make me that desk and I won’t ask any question about where you found those poor books. (Neatorama)

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And for the math nerds, a wrist watch just for you. Seriously, I have a hard enough time with roman numerals. (Blame It On The Voices)

Asian people like math, right? HAHA, that was a hilariously offensive stereotype I’m using to transition into this list of People You Might Not Realize are Asian. They’re all Hapa, I think and, seriously, Zack Morris?!! (Buzzfeed)

Oh, Asians, is there nothing you’re not the best at? Look at you topping this list of Mass Murdering F*ck Heads (TM Eddie Izzard ), you over-achievers, you. Speaking of MMFH, here’s an interesting infographic of where deposed leaders go when exiled. Marcos had the right idea. (Exiled Leaders)

Mother Nature is being a bit of a MMFH right now, no? Here are some eye-melting shots of the Icelandic volcano eruption followed by some snaps of disgruntled folks at the airport. It’s sort of a silly juxtaposition. (The Big Picture)

For some perspective as to the “why” behind Mother Nature’s MMFH-spree, read this fantastic piece by the great Bill McKibben. He’s the best writer out there when it comes to Climate Change. (Washington Post)

And, while they’re not MMFHs, these two NYC police officers who illegally entered a drunk woman’s apartment, got into bed with her, GOT A CONDOM ON and then were acquitted of rape are, at the very least, total FH. (Boing Boing)

And the King FH today, is Fox News’ Roger Ailes. Have you ever actually watched that channel? Not just the highlights on The Daily Show? It’s impossible to do so without making strangulated scoffing noises. Rolling Stone has an interesting piece on Ailes’ iron-fisted/spikey, stabby, iron-gloved rule. (Rolling Stone)

Okay, enough with the FH. Take a moment and read Alan Rickman’s lovely farewell letter on the occasion of wrapping up work on Harry Potter. There is an accompanying photo spread that, while poorly scanned, shows some stunning composition. (George O’Malley)

And, finally, Michael Fassbender may still be my number one crush, but the way he’s puffing that cigarette all through the red carpet for X-Men is sort of vile. I mean, I may hate January Jones, but you don’t smoke around a pregnant lady, Fassbender, come on. (Celebitchy)

I haven’t ever looked at The People of Walmart site because there is only so much schadenfreude I can take. But then, well, this young lady put all the photos to a kicky tune with cute lyrics and, yeah, I bit. I watched the WHOLE thing, and it’s quite long. Longer than a Kentucky mullet.

On the flip side of the music world, here is a phenomenally talented guitar player from Botswana. Truly amazing.

Joanna Robinson knows next to nothing about Botswana. Everything she knows she learned from The Number One Ladies Detective Agency books which you can turn into a desk for her if you so desire. Email! Twitter!









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Comments

I gotta tell you Court that Asians are NOT all straight A geniuses. I copied of my buddy Yeong and we both ended up with B's.

Posted by: logan at May 26, 2011 2:14 PM

Schmigarette.

SHAVE!

Posted by: Jay at May 26, 2011 2:16 PM

The Rock: He's half Samoan. All man.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 26, 2011 2:19 PM

Shut the fuck up, logan.

Posted by: Rykker at May 26, 2011 2:22 PM

I have checked my list of requirements and in addition to one that is Fortuny, I also need a lamp that is made from books. Someone get on that. Kthxbai.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 26, 2011 2:36 PM

Maybe if you'd copied off him it would've turned out better.

Posted by: Ian at May 26, 2011 2:39 PM

Damn topys! Me type npo good.

Posted by: logan at May 26, 2011 2:41 PM

Bahahahahahaha, Rykker!

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at May 26, 2011 2:41 PM

...but you don’t smoke around a pregnant lady...

You know who else didn't smoke around pregnant ladies? Hitler's dad.

Posted by: admin at May 26, 2011 2:43 PM

Maybe he was thinking, "I'm already smoking. I might as well light up a cig."

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 26, 2011 2:47 PM

Almost every single thing in that climate change article was straight-up not true.

Posted by: Brigs at May 26, 2011 2:50 PM

Hey logan, if you're gonna be a deuce, at least make it harder to mock you.

Posted by: Ian at May 26, 2011 2:52 PM

I think Joanna would tell you that he's so smokin' the cigarette is redundant.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 26, 2011 2:53 PM

Almost every single thing in that climate change article was straight-up not true.

[citation needed]

Posted by: I Need More Allowance at May 26, 2011 2:57 PM

Funny Brigs, because I could say the same thing about your comment.

Also, I don't think it even asserts anything. The author's just asking his readers, and Congress I suppose, to consider that many of the events climatologists were claiming would happen as a result of global warming/climate change are happening. I guess you're trying to claim that there haven't been devastating flooding and tornadoes recently?

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 26, 2011 3:00 PM

What if the book-desk is made solely out of the works of Ayn Rand, and assembled by the Promethean strength and vision of truly creative individuals laughing in the face of ignorant, grasping, lesser creatures who would loot the bodies of their own mothers for enough money to buy a candy bar?

Posted by: StoatCat at May 26, 2011 3:05 PM

Almost every single thing in that climate change article was straight-up not true.

Straight-up, now tell me. Is it going to be you citing this weather? Or are you just having fun?

Posted by: branded at May 26, 2011 3:06 PM

Tornados are caused by evil witches and little dogs. Also possibly great and powerful wizards but that requires more research. I need to look behind the curtain.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at May 26, 2011 3:08 PM

logan, sweetie, honey, baby. I'm sure it is deliciously fun for you to keep making the same joke. I would think you have persisted in the joke precisely to tweak the non-lurking population. They are, admittedly, especially clever in their moments of vitriol; however, you've made your point. What do we have to do to make you stop?

On the other hand, I can't really be mad at anything that gets Rykker to start commenting again. Carry on.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 26, 2011 3:09 PM

When people see Duane Johnson, they say, "Mmmm. Can I have Samoa?"

I'll be here all week. Try the veal.

Posted by: Matty at May 26, 2011 3:24 PM

I'm torn on the whole "haven of exiled leaders" thing. Is it a terrible thing to welcome the likes of Idi Amin into your country for sanctuary or are these countries doing a service by accepting someone who otherwise would be subjected to a show trial or extra judicial assassination? Thoughts?

Posted by: PaddyDog at May 26, 2011 3:26 PM

Roger Ailes needs to be stuffed into an empty propane tank and shot into the Sun. There, I said it, and I'll say it again if I have to.

If there were such a place as Monster Island, I'd put the exiled despot's haven there. Let the monsters consort with others of their own kind.

Posted by: The Wanderer at May 26, 2011 3:30 PM

Doesn't it depend on the motives of the host country? Are they protecting the deposed leader from prosecution from any group?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 26, 2011 3:31 PM

I dunno, *Paddy*. On the one hand, granting mercy and clemency for ex-leaders seems legit, as they may not receive a fair trial. But often, once in these sanctuary states, no trial, fair or otherwise, materializes and the leader can live out the rest of their days without ever having to even address their accusers' claims.

Sometimes a show trial, followed by a short drop and sudden stop seems the preferable, and just, alternative.

Posted by: Matty at May 26, 2011 3:36 PM

What's the point of making a desk out of books spine-in? How else are people supposed to know how awesome you are, not by the number of books, but by the titles of the books, you've read?

"Oh, yes, I've read the Rig Veda, Mein Kampf, all of Garrison Keillor, and Everybody Poops. What's your book-desk made of, loser -- John Grisham novels?"

Someone didn't think through their own awesomeness.

Posted by: RobP at May 26, 2011 3:53 PM

Matty: I see your point, and for the most part agree. On the other hand, I think the fact that Mubarak is now going to be prosecuted in Egypt rather than just be allowed to go into exile is going to make other mid-east tyrants dig in their heels. The prospect of exile is often a lure to get these guys (and women) to finally give up their steel grasp on power. I'm really torn on this.
Note: I'm not advocating a "let bygones be bygones" approach, but if it helps to hasten their departure from where they're doing the most harm, is it the way to go? Or is there a need for justice to be seen to be done?

Posted by: PaddyDog at May 26, 2011 4:01 PM

has logan seriously broken us that easily? I know he's a special kind of annoying, but DON'T FEED THE TROLLS, PEOPLE.

I'm very disappointed in you all.

Posted by: the_wakeful at May 26, 2011 4:13 PM

Paddy: Good point. I just wonder if the justice remains unseen, can the situation repeat itself more easily? That is, if the worst punishment for horrible acts is to live in relative comfort away from home, what is to deter others from abusing power once they achieve it?


Of course, this is one of the principal arguments for capital punishment, and we can all see how much that has slowed the murder rates in our own country. People can be wonderful and people can be terrible and the same applies to the justice systems we create for ourselves. That's a fact of life that will be with us forever.

Topics like this make me wish that the UN was an actually effective organization that would perform services like the trials of a dictator and subsequent punishment. However, were this the case than individual countries would have to give up their sovereign right to pursue their own form of justice, as i would like to think is their right.

It's all very impossible.

Posted by: Matty at May 26, 2011 4:15 PM

Somebody needs to give the Botswana chick all the record company deals going to Justin Bieber now.

Posted by: Slash at May 26, 2011 4:18 PM

But logan is not a troll. logan is a regular and his/her record is skipping. We are trying to reset the needle.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 26, 2011 4:35 PM

Anna, the keyboardist/singer/voilinist/hot chick in The Airborne Toxic Event, has he keyboard stand (on tour) made out of books like that desk.

Posted by: Luke at May 26, 2011 4:41 PM

Thank you for the kind words Mrs. Julien.

I forget some people take their internets very seriously.
I'll stop now.

Posted by: logan at May 26, 2011 4:50 PM

I really dig that wrist watch. If I were still a nerd with my old mathematical prowess and still wore a watch, I'd be all over it.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at May 26, 2011 4:58 PM

Posted by: StoatCat at May 26, 2011 3:05 PM

StoatCat, you are my hero of the day.

Posted by: MM at May 26, 2011 5:11 PM

Well Parsi is technically iranian (not so much Asian-as middle-eastern)...so Freddy Mercury iranian? thats pretty fucking cool.

Posted by: sara at May 26, 2011 7:20 PM

I think it is less that we take it so seriously, as some of us count the writers on this site as friends and repeated un-funny slights just for the sake of making their lives a little less fun are bothersome. Joanna deserves better, she works hard on her contributions, and I appreciate it.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at May 26, 2011 7:25 PM

I met a guy once who had worked for a network at which, he claimed, the producers were obligated to insert x pro-Christian sentiments, y praises of the administration then-current, and z particular-wing political talking points into every hour of the daily programming.

Wouldn't ID the company. Scared. I've already said too much.

Posted by: Salieri2 at May 26, 2011 8:04 PM

Yes, thank you, I want that desk, but I have a few changes. I need it to be built with the (far too) many books already in my possession, I need it to be built with the spines out, so I can see all my preciouses, and I need to be able to remove each one in order to read it without compromising the structural integrity of the desk.

And then I need all the rest of my furniture to be built the same way, including the bookshelves I will still be needing to house all my future furniture components. Can you get on that for me please?

Posted by: mistress of all evil at May 26, 2011 8:23 PM

You are my kinda lady, mistress of all evil. Cheers!

Posted by: RobP at May 26, 2011 8:36 PM

He is so awesome! I could just eat him up!

Posted by: Gilbert Laningham at May 26, 2011 9:17 PM

Smokers are people too!

Posted by: MRod at May 26, 2011 10:49 PM

love the harry potter spread except...there's no picture of rickman. makes no damn sense.

Posted by: Sinnh at May 27, 2011 7:43 AM

Paddy, on letting despots off to live happily ever after in exile...I get your dilemma, but coming from a country ruled by a psychopath myself, I just want him to leave. He killed a good portion of my family, and I'd love to watch him burn, but he wouldn't go down easily, he'd take millions with him. Is it worth it? No. So...I say let them sort it out with their personal gods. I'll take peace any day over justice.

Posted by: Joker at May 27, 2011 1:33 PM

I actually just got all choked-up when I saw that Harry Potter spread. Everyone looks so grown-up!! But where is Snape???

Also, that Washpo article is scathing!

Posted by: denesteak at May 27, 2011 9:55 PM

I should probably also add - and brilliant.

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Posted by: Ulysses at May 29, 2011 12:53 PM

This is a well written article that I have bookmarked for future reading. Have a fun.

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Posted by: Lamont Tallent at July 13, 2011 4:31 PM

the film industry is of course a multi billion dollar industry that employs a lot of people"

Posted by: Adam Flesner at July 15, 2011 1:20 PM

of course every nation must respect copyright but there are third world countries that just can't respect copyright at all,.

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i think that gay marriage should be allowed in certain states but not in other states ;

Posted by: Dylan Hovanes at July 21, 2011 10:07 PM

i can say that George Michael is nice guy, he is really a very talented guy-

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