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Please Don't Forget To Install the Vagina Gate. It's For Your Own Safety

By Jasmine Markes | Pajiba Love | March 26, 2013 | Comments ()


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Hiddleston, Martin Freeman, and Robert Sheehan (Monkeyslut!) all in the same place at the same time, and I would stiff arm every one of them just make eye contact with Helen Mirren for one minutes. (Celebitchy)

My #safetytipforladies to avoid getting raped? Bind a griffon to your will and task it with guarding the gate to your vagina for all eternity. Don't forget to install the vagina gate. (BF)

Speaking of Vagina, ladies, our girl-on-girl trash talking is killing us. (29 Secrets)

Mean Girls + "Mad Men" = Your single-serving Tumblr of the day. (MeanMadMen)

Gods be good, my sweetlings. The premiere of "Game of Thrones'" third season is closer than a couple of Lannister twins. Brace yourselves, by creating a sigil of your own. (Join The Realm) I know what house I'm swearing my sword to.

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Speaking of the golden-haired siblings, here's Lena Heady sans wig and much else, talking tatts and more in (Esquire).

Perhaps the gods you look to come in a more scientific form? (NerdApproved)

Bill Gates and The Gates Foundation want to help you make "sheathing your sword" even better. I'm talking about condoms. (Laughing Squid)

"Use the force, Daniel-san!" and other combinations abound in these illustrated pop culture mashups. (Neatorama)

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You want to see all the "Parks and Recreation" recast as Justice League superheroes? OF COURSE YOU DO. (WG)

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But, if you're getting tired of calling everyone b*tches, try these 10 old fashioned cusses on for size. (Mental Floss)

Alienness, otherworldly entity, ethereal mantis lady Tilda Swinton (SWINTON is you're nasty), is on display just napping in a glass box at NYC's Museum of Modern Art this month. Why? Because she's f**king SWINTON, that's why. Her drool could cure the infirm. Her morning breath quells wars. (Gothamist)

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In the game of dueling videos of Gary Oldman and Al Pacino going apeshit, everyone wins. EVERYONE!




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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • denesteak

    I'm pretty sure the MoMA has been doing this exhibit for ages. The year I graduated for college, they wanted people to apply to "nap" at the museum a la swinton. I almost applied for it (pay was $10 an hour which I thought was pretty good for just sleeping) but then I actually got another job doing actual things.

  • Enrique del Castillo

    That Tilda Swinton thing looks like the cliche pretentious art expo from a mediocre sitcom or cartoon; I'll be annoyed if Tilda Swinton wasn't awesome

  • googergieger

    The way I avoid getting raped is I grow out my beard. Or you know don't shave for a day. End up looking like a hobo rapist myself. Now again, I mean a hobo that happens to rape. Not a rapist that specifically targets hobos. Though I imagine both are equally bad? Yes both are equally bad.

  • ZombieNurse

    I wish I could think of a way to get paid for taking a nap. I don't think our local museum would allow it, though.

  • dizzylucy

    Swanson as Batman makes total sense, and he could craft all his own gadgets himself.
    Kind of think Leslie should be Superman though. She's far more effective than Andy.

  • I was gonna be annoyed at the P&R link because clearly Ben is Batman (he has the suit already!) but then the Donna as Wonder Woman popped up and I died a little. Fantastic.

  • John W

    I've had a crush on Lena Headey since Gossip.

    Lena Headey is the main reason I found out about Game of Thrones.

    I heard about show coming to HBO called Game of Thrones. I thought it was going to be a show similar to The Tudors and said, meh. I didn't know anything about the Song of Ice and Fire or George Martin, although I did have a few of his Nebula winning short stories in my book collection.

    Then I looked at the cast and saw Lena Headey's name (as well as Sean Bean and Mark Addy) and said I must watch this.

    Now, if I could inject Game of Thrones directly into my veins, I would. Especially if Lena was holding the syringe.

  • $27019454

    I'm not much of a trash talker (unless we're talkin JazzHands, but that's another thread) in my real life. The only place I'm a trash talker of any note is here in Pajiba-verse. Does that even count? It doesn't count, right? This is like a free zone, with safe words and such. Right?

    I can trash talk here because I recycle in my real life, and I've never had a traffic ticket. And I let people in front of me in line (I totally do) at the grocery temple. It all evens out.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Can we forgo the Swinton rehash in favor of this news on FNL writer:

    http://www.nytimes.com/aponlin...

    I'm with @alwaysanswerb - thought the same thing on seeing the link, and after reading the piece. Btw, do people really go up to people and say "I don't like you, and here's XYZ"? Or do you just avoid them.

  • e jerry powell

    I was about to say; didn't we talk her into an artful coma yesterday?

  • alwaysanswerb

    You know, I read the "don't trash talk" article, and I have nothing against it. It's pretty solid advice. What I can't wrap my brain around is how, collectively, we've bought into the notion that trash talking is a nearly exclusively female phenomenon. I can say with 100% confidence, having been in both nearly exclusively male and exclusively female friend groups and work environments throughout my life, that men are no better than women when it comes to gossiping and talking shit. The particular flavor may be a little different, but men can be just as nasty as women when it comes to talking about people behind their backs.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Speaking from my own experience (where I worked exclusively with men when doing construction, coaching and commercial fishing versus clothing retail and office settings mostly with women) the trash talk doesn't compare.

    For one, when women talk shit they go for the jugular. They will be "best-friendies" to each others' faces but then call each other sluts behind each others' backs, make up hideous rumors and back-stab.

    Men will "talk shit", get bored with the subject matter and move on. If its something serious, the men were more likely to confront each other, nip the issue in the bud, and move on. Frankly, sometime a punch to the face ended the issue; and the guys became closer for it. And the run of the mill "trash talk" usually had more to do with comradery than actually cutting a person down.

    Also, there are simply more serious implications of women knocking each other down. You see it in that Steubenville case where you actually have teen girls threatening the victim. You have women on twitter threatening that one female comedian who dared criticize Chris Brown...

  • alwaysanswerb

    I was hoping someone would respond with the "men punch each other and move on; women will ruin your life" argument. I can't effectively argue against your experience, but I'd like to propose that there are, in fact, counterpoints to it that you're discounting or not noticing.

    For instance, in the Steubenville case, while there may be vile things that teen girls have said and are saying, there are a lot of equally horrible boys and men saying exactly the same thing. And let's not forget the smoking guns that caused the case to go viral: the 12-minute video, series of tweets, and text messages all sent and posted by boys, saying awful things such as Jane Doe "deserved to be peed on," etc. The whole case exploded because enough boys were vocally shit-talking that it got national attention.

    I wasn't following the comedian/Chris Brown thing, so I can't really speak to that, but I have read enough articles about the vicious online harassment campaigns various female public figures deal with online, including horrendous threats of rape and other violence, mostly sent by men. Here's one I read yesterday about a woman who reported what she deemed to be harassment at a tech conference, and in response received threats including "a photo of a bloody, beheaded woman, bound and stripped, with the caption 'when Im done.' Next to it was a home address and phone number, ostensibly [hers.]" Personally, I'd rather have female friends call me a slut behind my back than receive something like that from a man.

  • L.O.V.E.

    I think you and I are talking about two different things. The referenced story is about girl-on-girl trash talking. Your original post noted that trash talking or gossip isn't exclusive to women. I agree to that.

    However, the main point I was trying to make is that, in my experience, the trash talk and gossip amongst men or man-on-man shit talking is generally more benign and/or transitory. If acquainted men do have actual hard feelings about each other, they are inclined to be confrontational. Whether there are actual fisticuffs or not, you are less likely to cross the line of shit talking when getting punched in the face is a possibility.

    Your examples were about men being world class shit heads towards women, and my post (and I presume this thread) was not meant to address that situation.

  • alwaysanswerb

    I felt that my personal experience regarding gossip amongst people who knew each other doesn't really negate yours; all I can say is simply that my experiences have been different. I have seen enough cases of both lighthearted and malicious shit talking amongst both men and women that I simply don't believe that meaningful distinctions can be made between them. Given that, I tried to respond directly to the two concrete examples you gave: the Steubenville case and the comedian being attacked on Twitter. You mentioned women being nasty, so I provided examples of men being equally nasty. I grant that we got off-topic, but since I recognize the futility in "my experiences are better than yours" it seemed the only thing I could respond to with factual information.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Well, this discourse has been much to civil for the internet.

    So although I thank you, I must bid adieu. As I must now attend to a response from a man on another site who I instructed he cause himself to be bitten in the taint by a poisonous snake.

    Goodnight.

  • Vi

    Maybe it's because the media perception of women constantly shows women gossiping about each other and well shows where the title is clearly: Gossip Girl.

  • Absolutely. You never see men gossiping on TV or movies, but they're equally guilty. They just push it so hard in entertainment, which is so fucked up.

  • Three_nineteen

    But didn't the Gossip Girl tun out to be a guy?

  • Deidra

    That's because it's not referred to as "gossiping." That carries a more gender-specific stigma. When you call it what the article calls it (bullying), then yes, men are portrayed as doing that as well. Who would say that men don't talk shit, trash talk, or bully?

  • chanohack

    Word. I used to work on a submarine back when it was all dudes. The rumors and gossip are ah-mazing.

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